Still
Enough Gems in Tales from the Darkside Season Four
by
Kristin Battestella
The
1987-88 Fourth season of the George Romero produced Tales
from the Darkside provides
a darker horror bizarre in its final twenty episodes beginning with
the smuggled artifacts, Egyptian statues, and golden sarcophagus in
writer Robert Bloch's “Beetles.” Although the premise is
familiar, the petrified corpse, gem eyes, and eponymous scarabs
create great atmosphere and ominous warnings – return the mummy to
its tomb or suffer the cursed consequences. The unheeded desecration
leads to more hysteria, insects, and death throws, setting the mood
for the season alongside the dolls, mannequins, and stuffed animals
of “Mary, Mary.”
These are our lonely photographer's friends, and the photo shoot
trickery for the video dating service calls are weird, pathetic, and
sad. A real life friendly neighbor is too scary – she can't hide
behind any facade and live vicariously in this orchestrated illusion.
However, the warped horror escalates once the dummies start talking
back. The new owner of an infamous haunted townhouse in “The Spirit
Photographer” also intends to use rare technology and mysticism to
prove the paranormal to his rational friend. They've spent their
lives seeking evidence or to debunk, obsessing over life after death
and paranormal explanations in an interesting two-hander mixing real
science, ectoplasm gadgets, and ghostly images. Some of the
supposedly irrefutable photos and phantom wails are laughable, but
the eerie messages, stakeout suspense, and deceased drain on the
living provide great ambiance. “The Moth,” by contrast, is
brimming with rural mood thanks to a humble cabin and spell books
that won't burn. Debbie Harry's (Videodrome)
stabbed by a jealous wife and her angry mother thinks she is a wicked
girl for the water rituals, broken clocks, branches, and circles in
blood. Our daughter intends to come back – so long as her mother
captures the moth that comes out with her dying breath. The religion
versus the devil, who's right and who's sinister is well done thanks
to counting the sand to keep out evil, creepy conversations, and
deadly twists. Writer Clive Barker (Hellraiser)
adds
holiday melodies, trees, and presents to the underlying menace in
“The Yattering and Jack” with angry apparitions, cracked mirrors
and apparent poltergeists. Unexpected family visits escalate the
supernatural and pleas to Beelzebub as carols turn to fiery smoke and
devilish demons debate the rules found in Job regarding tormenting a
good man into admitting evil exists. Tales
from the Darkside presents
another disturbing December demented – possessed turkey dinner and
all.
A
horror writer dad videotapes his scary movie adaptation for his
squabbling kids while mom's on a long distance call in Stephen King's
(Creepshow)
“Sorry, Right Number.” Flashing call waiting buttons and
desperate pleas for help, unfortunately, leave mom worried. She knows
the voice but it isn't their collegiate daughter nor sisters or
grandma. Our husband thinks it was a prank or wrong number, and the
family dynamics change thanks to the understandable apprehension. The
bad feeling continues in the night with damaged door locks and well
developed suspense that keeps viewers invested right up to the twist.
A passive aggressive bill collector in “Payment Overdue”
threatens unpaid folks and enjoys scaring kids who answer the phone
with how their parents are going to jail – getting the job done no
exceptions until she receives a raspy call from a supposedly dead
claim. It turns out she doesn't like being on the receiving end of
the harassment, and the fearful frustration phone acting isn't phoned
in like today's television with abrupt smartphone conveniences. A
mysterious man delivers the payment from the deceased dialer – an
avenging angel forcing our overly confident go getter to face the
chilling pleas before it's too late. Tales
from the Darkside has
several similar stories in a row here with devils and telephones, but
the excellent turnabouts make for a strong mid season before a plump
lady who's tried all the guaranteed weight loss gimmicks in
“Love Hungry.” Amid talking to her plants and crumbs everywhere,
she spots an ad for 'you're weight is over.' Soon a small ear piece
arrives allowing her to hear the painful screams of the foods being
ingested. It's both an amusing and disturbing way to ruin dinner, and
it's amazing no one else has thought of the horror of considering
body, environmental, and self-worth statements from the fruit
pleading not to be eaten. Now that she has a pair of glasses
revealing the food in question, it would be murder to eat them but
she has to eat something – leading to hunger, paranoia, guilt, and
a bitter finale. Period clothing, spinning wheels, and old fashioned
décor belies the 1692 Colonial Village in “The Apprentice” as a
contemporary student applies for a re-enacting job. The magistrate
insists on no sign of the twentieth century allowed, but our coed
doesn't take her apprenticeship seriously. Smoking, flirting, and
telling the puritans to lighten up and not have a cow lead to stocks,
hangings, and debates on using so-called witches as a scapegoat to
bind a struggling society together. Horror viewers know where this
has to go, but it's a real treat in getting there.
"The
Cutty Black Sow” continues Tales
from the Darkside's late
superb with trick
or treating, fireside
vigils, and an ill grandma who doesn't want to die on All Hallows'
Even. Scottish roots and Samhain lore combine for deathbed delirium
about the titular beast and warnings to stay safe inside the stone
circle. The young grandson is left to make sense of the ravings,
trying to finish protection rites he doesn't understand in this
unique mix of candy, masks, and contemporary Halloween fun alongside
old word spells, rattling windows, glowing eyes at the door, and home
alone frights. The spooky darkness and chilling what you don't see is
dang creepy even for adults! A cranky old wife, however, is unhappy
with her husband's junk in director Jodie Foster's (Flightplan)
“Do Not Open This Box.”
She wants new things – including the titular package that a strange
mailman says was delivered by mistake. He insists he'll pay anything
for the unopened box's return, and our browbeating lady sees an
opportunity for a reward. While she shows up her friends with
ostentatious jewels, her husband only asks to invent something useful
to others. Our carrier also has a midnight deadline and a limit to
his gifts, and his repossession notice exacts a fiery turnabout. In
returning director Tom Savini's “Family Reunion” dad Stephen
McHattie (Deep Space Nine)
does
whatever it takes to find a cure for his son – taking the boy from
his mother and remaining on the move
as chains, snarling, shadows, and howls handle the surprise. Prior
torn shirts and accidents send mom to child services; and despite
nightmares, pain, and the urge to run free, the boy wants to be with
his mother, leading to wild confrontations, hairy threats, and superb
revelations even if you already know what's what. Barking dogs,
parakeets, kitchen timers, coughing, and ominous toys also foreshadow
the noisy horrors for the babysitter in “Hush.” Her charge has
been experimenting in his father's workshop – creating a noise
eating robot with one freaky suction-like hose. Initially, the
primitive gadgets seem hammy and the premise simple, but the
accidental activation and broken controller lead to heavy breathing,
beating hearts, and some quite disturbing, slightly sexual imagery.
Of
course, it wouldn't be Tales
from the Darkside without
a few awkward entries including the impromptu champagne and sensitive
puppeteer forced into a private performance for a hammy gangster in
“No Strings.” Cliché
accents, vendettas, dumb shootouts, and sexism litter an already
silly premise, and the supposedly scary pantomime is just dull.
Yuppies also get what they deserve in “The Grave Robber” –
another Egyptian piece with hieroglyphs, explosives, a creaking
mummy, and yes, strip poker. It's laughable in all the wrong ways,
and Divine (Hairspray)
likewise can't save the corny jokes, offensive portrayals, and
stereotypical visions seeking the obnoxious titular leader of
“Seymourlama.” Will these terrible parents sell their indulged
son for shiny trinkets? Although disturbing, the attempted mix of
satire and sinister misses the mark. Downtrodden scriptwriter Bradley
Whitford (The West Wing)
also doesn't believe his innocuous neighbor with a dog named 'Diablo'
can help him achieve movie making power in “The Deal.” Hellish
quips contribute to the deja vu, for we've seen this plot previously
on Tales from the Darkside
as
well as in other horror anthologies.
This isn't bad in itself, just derivative. The shutter clicks and
outsider point of view trying to solve humanity's mystery in “Going
Native” are stilted and drab, too. Our photographer regrets joining
this bizarre reverse therapy group with dark robes, rage, aggression,
and creepy innuendo. It's all trying to be lofty about the human
condition with on the nose debates about why we let advertising
dictate what we value, obsess with wish fulfilling television, and
use sex to alleviate solitude but everything falls flat. For it's
time maybe this was provocative, however it's run of the mill after
better Tales from the
Darkside episodes
and the steamy, alienated analysis could have been better explored on
Tales from the Crypt.
Unfortunately,
from Nicky and Ruthie to the bad accents and red hair, the I
Love Lucy spoof
in “Barter”
is just plain bad. A rambling, ammonia drinking alien salesman gives
mom a gadget to freeze her son – providing some peace and quiet
amid all her good gollies and household hints. Of course, everything
goes wrong, and the attempted parody completely drops the ball as
Tales from the
Darkside ends
with two clunkers. Likewise contending for worst in the series is
“Basher Malone.” It's gritty music, seedy crowd, and wrestling
cliches are terribly dated alongside some macho, blue lasers, and a
masked man coming out of a portal behind the soda machine?
Fortunately,
that Tales from the Darkside
introduction is as creepy as ever, and the crawling bugs, icky
corpses, gory faces, choice monster effects, and ghostly overlays
remain effective. Hellish red lighting, dark silhouettes, night time
eerie, fog, and thunder invoke horror despite small scale sets and
one room storytelling. There's often only a few players per episode,
too, but the acts flow as conversations rather than relying on
flashing editing or visuals over substance. Mirrors, reflective
shots, through the frame views, and basic camera ruses accent good
old fashioned corded phones, big cordless phones with those giant
antennas, answering machines, long distance calls, operators, and Ma
Bell references. There's big old computers, tape decks, record
players, radio reports, boob tubes, and the rush to find a blank VHS
for the VCR amid nostalgic antiques, retro lamps, classic tunes, and
period piece clutter. The obligatory eighties cool with big hair,
excessive make up, lots of pinks, and terribly glam fashions, on the
other hand, woof! Strangely, the Tales
from the Darkside DVD
Special Features
includes two more episodes – odd spin offs or backdoor pilots that
sadly went no further. Wills and flirtations mix with black roses and
exotic pursuits in “Akhbar's Daughter,” for sheer near nudity,
steamy silhouettes, and threats about what happen to the last suitor
add to the sense of forbidden danger. By day, the tantalizing lady is
not what she seems at night – leading to ominous portraits and
gross consequences. Instead of wasting time on silly entries, it
would have been interesting to see Tales
from the Darkside grow into
this more mature vein, and “Attic Suite” has a desperate paycheck
to paycheck couple contemplating how to get rid of their elderly,
costly aunt and gain her insurance policy. Auntie herself wishes she
could starve herself to death for them, and we believe how sad and
bitter the options are as the dire needs escalate in another serious,
demented, and twisted plot. These two extra entries should have
replaced the last two clunker episodes, which send an otherwise fine
season and overall perfectly demented series out on a cheesy note.
Compared to timeless horror series before like The
Twilight Zone or
upping the saucy Tales
from the Crypt after,
Tales from the
Darkside is
steeped in low budget eighties sinister. Season Four's eerie
goods live up to the series name, and Tales
from the Darkside
remains watchable with memorable if bizarre vignettes and
frightful storytelling.
