October Literary Moods

 

October Literary Moods 

by Kristin Battestella

These memoirs, biographies, and literary adaptations range from delightfully macabre and witty mysteries to gossipy yarns. Here's what to read or skip this autumn.

Must Read

Yours Cruelly, Elvira by Cassandra Peterson – The Queen of Halloween's 2021 tell all book made headlines for Peterson's coming out upon its release. However, that's only one late chapter revelation in a fascinating life of highs and lows. Scarring childhood injuries and an abusive relationship with her mother led to escapism in the family's costume shop before cruising the early groupie music scene. Despite a few early film appearances, traveling to Italy to sing in a band leaves Peterson ill and destitute until returning to California has her starring in The Groundlings and living in a tree house with a Tarzan-like boyfriend. Her subsequent marriage, haunted house, and struggles with infertility are told alongside the creation of Elvira – with shrewd business deals, appearances, endorsements, and merchandise retaining Peterson's control of the character. Satanic panic backlashes, conservative fears over her cleavage, and canceled television pilots often meant struggling financially. Thanks to her provocative image, outspoken attitude, and unwillingness to compromise character or convictions, Peterson bankrolled her own films – continuing to appear as Elvira during difficult pregnancies and her divorce. There is an entire chapter dedicated to several sexual assaults of varying degrees in an extremely telling commentary on how our society treats a confident woman. In some ways, Peterson's current lesbian relationship – kept hidden for decades for fear of alienating audiences who only cared about her buxom image – is the least interesting aspect about her life. A supportive friendship blossomed into romance, written as a lovely, natural occurrence topping off an entertaining read. This both reads like the way Peterson talks but is also a chronologically laid out and well written, emotional journey of a woman finally at ease in her own skin. Although I had to avoid leaving this book lying around for my curious niece to find thanks to the topless showgirl photos!

A Fun Adaptation

The Mirror Crack'd – Murder She Wrote meets Miss Marple as Angela Lansbury leads this star studded 1980 Agatha Christie adaptation from director Guy Hamilton (Goldfinger). Classy silver screen panache, cigarettes, and scandalous revelations provide a fun awareness to the genre as viewers debate the whodunit clues, motives, and left hand versus right hand weaponry. A new Hollywood production is coming to the quaint English countryside, mixing village airs and graces with swanky jazz, vintage autos, nostalgic reels, and retro cameras. The hats and pearls are a flutter over the dalliances, backhanded insults, and catty attitudes as our jealous actresses trade plastic surgery barbs at the film party. This may be a little slow in setting the scene with who is who, but the film within a film rivalries and temperamental tension lead to murder. Flashbulb pops help the maids revisit the scene of the crime and a suspect daiquiri as Marple weasels the details from the town doctor. Poison, heart attacks, and Tennyson references move quickly once we're on set with Elizabeth I versus Mary Queen of Scots calling each other bitches. Seductive actress Kim Novak (Bell, Book, and Candle) is married to producer Tony Curtis (Some Like It Hot) and will get her way, but director Rock Hudson's (Giant) comeback wife Elizabeth Taylor (Night Watch) expects to win all the awards. Both leading ladies want to change history to benefit their onscreen queen, but which was the intended victim and who had the fatal opportunity? Threatening letters and harassing phone calls escalate the behind the scenes facades and period piece costume checks while our divas – “10 years ago, when I was 16...” – layer the Hollywood commentary, backstory, and trivial British deduction. Everybody in Hollywood is “intimate” but arsenic in the tea, switched medicines, and acid begat more deaths. The show must go on despite the Gene Tierney inspirations, and although the zany movie making and droll meddling are somewhat uneven in the end, the performances with performances remain entertaining. I want the clothes and one can totally see how Murder She Wrote was born here.

Better Bios Available

Montgomery Clift: A Biography by Michelangelo Capua – The format of this 2002 ode to the October 17 birthday boy is odd, with a gossipy, anecdotal tone rather than a factual recounting. Although there's nothing necessarily unusual about the footnotes being indexed in the back of the book rather than at the bottom of the page, the lack of immediate citations makes this reading hear tell frustrating. For all the book's complaints about Clift's overbearing, desperate to be well to do mother Sunny, this also reads very much like that kind of tut tutting old lady. Who said what and when quotes are treated as scandalous nuggets whispered over tea, with truth or origin unimportant compared to the trite, down low gay torment tack. Some early theater material and photographs may be new, but the author's voice is increasingly loose, as if he knew Clift's inner thoughts when most of the information is borrowed from other sources with unclear references. Whether Clift was throupled with his married friends is passed off as confirmed – continually falling back on Clift's tawdry sexuality and ill health while describing his trips to exotic islands with Hispanic men claimed to be his favorite. When not worried about which rich woman hopelessly in love with him was influencing him on set, this repeatedly recalls Clift's drunken antics, embarrassing dinner party routines, or his running through the streets naked. This is a short read with the appendices padding the page number so it maybe an easier introduction to Clift for classic movie newcomers. However, compared to older, longer biographies, this is completely superficial with an eye-rolling Hollywood Babylon pitch. New information about the behind the scenes of Clift's films is far too few and far between the garish here.

Now Reading: I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This by Bob Newhart

For more movies meets literary analysis, listen to several Women InSession Book to Film episodes including:

Othello

Hamlet

Female Writers Onscreen

Frankenstein

A Christmas Carol

Search Magazine Music and More!

 

Although I've kept track of my DIY articles and video projects for Search Magazine on my Kbatz Krafts blog, my latest piece in the Fall 2024 #ImaFan Issue is on my very first review topic: The Bee Gees!

SEARCH Magazine’s Fall 2024 #ImaFan Issue 🎶

Bee Gees by Kristin Battestella

Read more of Kristin’s article at https://t.co/DqIKBgrdgp 🖤#search #searchmagazine #magazine #music #thebeegees pic.twitter.com/efxRQLGLrW

— Search Magazine (@searchmagsf) November 7, 2024

This was a very fun article to write in sharing how and why I became a fan of The Brothers Gibb music! I have however reduced much of my Twitter presence @ThereforeReview, favoring instead the refreshing pace of Blue Sky. It's tough to keep up with all the platforms as it is, and doom scrolling is not helpful. Fortunately, it is wonderful when I do receive true engagement, feedback, and collaboration opportunities! I am still on Instagram, and my latest articles and podcasts can also be found at InSessionFilm.com and Keith Loves Movies.

You can follow @SearchMagSF for more highlights from the current issue or peruse back issues for my previous television and media articles:

Mary Tyler Moore Retrospective

Detoxing from Social Media

Why I Still Use the Wii

Women's Hockey is Now

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Retro Vinyl Shopping

Dark Shadows 50th Anniversary

Serious Documentaries

Serious Documentaries and Topics

by Kristin Battestella

These sophisticated, philosophical, and historical series and documentaries aren't for younger audiences per se or casual viewing chill, yet they provide plenty of emotion, analysis, and food for thought for inquisitive viewers.

9/10:The Final Hours – Like millions of others near and far, I saw the terrible terrorist events live on September 11, 2001 and like many I'm sure, I have expressly avoided watching films, documentaries, anniversaries programs, and shows that have returned to that fateful footage. I know it's almost twenty years on, but for me it's still just too soon. Every day at least twice a day there is a chance I'll stop and think about that day again if I happen to see the clock strike a somber 9:11. So I surprised myself when up sick at two a.m. one night I found myself pressing play on this 2014 National Geographic two hour special. Deep down I know I did so for one reason: I don't remember what life was like before 9/11 anymore. Relatable, tender interviews with staff from the Window on the World restaurant once at the top of the World Trade Center, business associates from Canter Fitzgerald tenants, network news anchors, politicians, New York artists, and more eyewitnesses recreate the normalcy of life then before twenty-four hours news tickers when Chandra Levy was the big story. Still photographs and raw camera footage set off the onscreen text while the slow, measured pace counts down that innocuous but stormy and eerie Monday framing the business meetings, family dinners, and memories of living and working on top of the world before the subsequent sunny morning begat billows of smoke and fire. They cried, I cried, anyone who sees this will cry, and I'm sorry I didn't take many review notes but the narrative speaks for itself. Rather than being a sensationalized conspiracy account or an action packed fictional re-creation, this documentary remains a cathartic viewing experience in which audiences can share – whether you are old enough to recall when we did live in a different world all those years ago or not.

Sci-Phi: Science Fiction as Philosophy – This twenty-four episode lecture from the Great Courses Series uses popular science fiction films, fiction, and shows for fresh perspectives on contemporary philosophy. From Inception defining music and art to The Matrix and knowledge versus free will, ignorance is bliss and the moral consequences of Philip K. Dick and The Adjustment Bureau debate fate and the appearance of choice. Carl Sagan's science and Plato's religion meet at predestination as the irrationality of conspiracy theories and UFOs are discussed honestly without mocking the viewer thanks to Star Wars and 2001. There are exceptions to every rule with time travel, Quantum Leap, wormholes, parallel universes, and Sliders. Memories and personal identity can be twisted like The Prestige, and self awareness, clones, and minds versus machines are debated alongside John Locke, artificial intelligence, and who or what has a soul in Westworld. Predictions of the future and Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics paved the way for today's A.I. as well as our fear of robots overlords a a la Skynet and Battlestar Galactica. Blade Runner and Black Mirror parallels question cyborgs, living in a computer simulation, George Orwell, and the social influence on the self. Why do we want to be perceived a certain way rather than as we really are when knowledge should outweigh the opinion of the masses at our fingertips? People voluntarily give up privacy by consenting to overshare – mirroring the slave and master morality of Nietzche, gaslighting, and Palpatine. Is the Rebellion really just scheming terrorists against a lawfully elected official, and yes, what about those innocent independent contractors working on The Death Star? Democracy and government are better than anarchy, war, violence, The Dark Side, and fascism, and the too close to home satire of Starship Troopers leads to gung-ho pro-militarism and actions causing what we sought to prevent. Despite the Prime Directive to not interfere, our superior Captain Kirk plays fast and loose on which savage societies need his godly intervention – and the unintended consequences. It may not be easy to watch all the referenced programs in between the episodes here, however the tent pole SF provides enough information alongside historical quotes and lesser known parallels. I confess, model props of the Liberator and commentary on rebellion versus politics with my absolute favorite show Blake's 7 makes Professor David Kyle Johnson of King's College my new BFF. While not political outright, this pop culture meets genre philosophy is extremely timely as a mirror to nature on why people are saying and behaving as they are in our current administration. Fortunately, viewers can pick and choose episodes or topics for the classroom or per interest, as the analysis here is fascinating and friendly without being over the top or pretentious.

Ancient Civilizations of North America, Ancient Mesoamerica Revealed, and Lost Worlds of South America – These three twenty-four episode lecture series from the Great Course Signature Collection educate one and all on everything you ever wanted to know about the ancient Americas – from Olmecs, Pueblos, Inca, Maya, and Mississippi Mound builders to astronomy, mathematics, intercontinental trade routes, architecture, and archaeological evidence beyond the famous long count calendar. Professor Edwin Barnhart of the Maya Exploration Center explains complex mythologies, artwork, rituals, timelines, and maps without talking down to audience, breaking down each culture's agriculture, hierarchies, and sports with graphics, onscreen notations, photos, and even on location experiences. Doctor Barnhart doesn't shy away from what is known or unknown – sharing all sides of the questions, controversies, and his own theories when disagreeing with established archaeology. New discoveries change the accepted but not necessarily accurate dating methods, and it's important to ask why ancient civilizations did what they did and how do we know for sure? Tender and taboo subject matters such as slavery, war, disease, massacres, and tragedies are handled with honesty and respect alongside a pronounced effort to use proper Mesoamerican and First Nation terminology. The history and science here help dispel lingering myths from the Anasazi to Machu Picchu and banishes the notion that all these cultures are gone – because their descendants are still here with plenty of haplogroup proof. Trade routes and material evidence reveal a fascinating bigger picture with items from South America going to Mesoamerica before trading with the American South West in more cross continental contact then we thought was possible several thousand years ago. Even as an adult far removed from long term academia, I found these series captivating and informative thanks to the chronological format with room for spotlight lectures and provocative possibilities. Just because there's an absence of evidence doesn't mean it wasn't there. These lectures are great for a learned scholar digging deeper or the younger classroom looking for a supplemental focus. This is an informative and entertaining trilogy both easy to marathon because you want to learn more but also super pause worthy as you're inspired to look up the resources and read more.

A Lighthearted Alternative

All About Cats – This two hour documentary found under numerous titles seems to be a composite block consisting of Joanna Lumley's (Absolutely Fabulous) intimate Catwoman special tossed together with an older, more generic piece on feline science. Despite the inexplicable juxtaposition in tone, jumpy camerawork, uneven on location sound, and a meandering rather than chronological pace, the peculiar personality here is evident thanks to our beloved but revered and feared four legged friends. From past worship in Thebes and adoration in Ancient Mexico to black cat superstitions and burning festivals – feline goddesses, shape shifting mythology, and divisive cat attitudes are explored. Artifacts in Cairo, Great Pyramid tours, and Maya Temples tie human history into the cat narrative before jaguar legends and a night time jungle quest to see the elusive big cats. Whimsical music matches the modern cat shows, contemporary bling, and Chicago cat circus alongside detailed but no less fun anatomy, x-rays, and jumping analysis. Primarily used for hunting and pest control over the centuries, one often wonders why such solitary predators ever moved in to this relatively recent, unneeded partnership with people in the first place. Cats may do tricks, rings bells, or catch balls if the reward suits them, however, the spoiled rotten often choose not to do so. Fortunately amid our pet cams and fur salons, cats can be trained for programs with disabled children or as therapy animals. The comforting, purring, and soft predator sitting in your lap has been proven to lower blood pressure, and new technologies let us experience cat senses such as unique whisker sensitivity and vision that's six times more sensitive to light than humans. This isn't all fluff though – serious questions on the rights and wrongs of modern breeding, cat varieties, crossbred mutations, and declawing methods are also presented alongside the pros and cons of captivity, forest preserve tours, and a look inside Tippi Hedron's (The Birds) big cat refuge with lions, ligers, and leopards rescued from questionable black market trading, cat hoarding, and more human irresponsibility. Up close, hands on big cat conservation work with cheetahs in Namibia and playing with six week old kittens reiterate how similar but different wild versus domestic cats are – and how it is a privilege to associate with both. Unusual presentation hodgepodge aside, these documentaries are tender, respectful, informative, and friendly for the whole family.

More Great Courses programs I and my family have watched but was too caught up in enjoying the subject and researching alongside the viewing to take proper review notes yet indubitably recommend include:

Big History of Civilizations

The Celtic World

Cities of the Ancient World

Gnosticism

Introduction to Botany

Medical School for Everyone

Remarkable Science of Ancient Astronomy

Why I'm Disinterested in Awards Season

Why I'm No Longer Interested In Awards Season

by Kristin Battestella

I write a film blog.

However, for the past several years – perhaps longer if I'm honest with myself – I have had no interest in covering or following awards season. I don't watch red carpets or ceremonies nor wait for the fashionista and party reports. Afterwards, I barely notice the winners lists anymore. Often I don't notice if a film has won awards until after I come to review it, which is often months, even years after its initial success. Gasp!

I know what you're thinking: “You can't be a real movie blog if you don't live tweet every single award show! How dare you be late on a current film. Timely! Timely! Timely!”

Read on as I address the reasons behind my seemingly shameful award season fatigue, which I suspect audiences and fellow bloggers may have felt themselves but won't admit.

There are so Many Awards

The gala dinners, all the major awards shows, every single film critics association, all the best of lists, every film websites' polls voted on by you the viewer, all the twitter handles hashtagging their favorites....I am one film fan with a real life in addition to blogging and writing work. There's no way to keep up with each and every instance of all the acclaim. Stick to the biggies or go with your local critics? Favor a go to film website or live tweet yourself? Certainly, a real movie media professional should maximize that timely hit count with as many 300 word posts as possible and virtually grin over every single award moment with all the likes, follows, tweets, and shares. I no longer have neither the time nor the inclination to stay informed, and you have to choose carefully on which clout does earn your focus because...

Omnipresence equals Overrated

Maybe there aren't outrageous awards campaigns as there have been in the past, however that's because the contender uses social media instead. Every film creates a case for itself as the latest instant darling. In addition to advertising, merchandise, and tie ins, this puts all the awards favorites more so in your face than say, when you only saw the TV Spots or full page consideration ads in the trade papers. If I have no desire to see a movie, should I be pressured into seeing it because all the trending twitter topics put that picture in my inescapable view? Even if I want to see a piece, all the at your fingertips promotion creates an award bait fatigue long before a piece hits mainstream audiences. By time the major awards roll around, the hype is overrated and passe. I'm more likely to dismiss a piece that was overly popular and once talked about but now quickly forgotten.

But Contenders are few and far Between

Then again, there are often many critically acclaimed pieces that never reach wide release before awards season. Quiet, elusive films are consistently overrun by the blockbusters at the box office and thus become invisible releases no matter how decent they may be. Granted, it is easier to enjoy the awards if you have a horse in the race – one of these indie darlings to seek out because of the cast and director. However, my awards enthusiasm wane further reveals my increasing lack of viewing recent pictures. Though they have their purpose, I'm not crazy about all the popcorn flicks, and when I do watch something timely, it's often a clunker and I shouldn't have wasted my time. It's frustrating to see a faulty mainstream piece earn popular acclaim while an unusual release I did enjoy goes unnoticed. In spite of personal movie preference, when the nominations are so distorted in representing an askew box office increasingly sectioning off its pie between tent pole films and midsize or obscure offerings, its just downright dizzying to find good movies to watch.

Critics Lists are Just as Inaccurate

Every organization, city, state, region, website, YouTuber, and/or #filmtwitter has a yearly favorites list, poll, vote, or awards that likewise run the gamut between specialization or favoritism, and the great disparity between what the critics choose and what people like compromises the criticism. Why are old white men critics reviewing teen comedies or women's pictures? How can they accurately reflect the opinions of audiences so drastically different from who they are? Why are there so many old white male critics who's opinions are raised above all other voices when their views seem so grossly out of touch with cinema viewing habits? Diversity in film criticism has improved somewhat, however women and minorities still have too small a voice, and there needs to be a much more realistic range between the right critics watching the right films for the right audience. Rather than adoring their faves or marring their dislikes with nasty opinions, the old white guys should say if a film is not meant for them and who the audience should be, because believe it or not a lot of decent films are made for diverse viewers, and such pictures shouldn't have to fall on unwarranted opinions.

Watching Awards are a Chore

Trying to find an obscure channel for a secondary award show trying to prove how different and special it is, struggling with livestreams on a facebook page with floating likes hearts and stupid comments, or refreshing twitter every minute for live updates that aren't actually coming in real time each make it tough to enjoy the winners. On television there are commercials, stunts, comedy, songs, drinking, and flubs – and it is all so dang unnecessary. Ratings desperation and a false need to appeal to the latest cause, honor, or humor are completely obvious. Has no one every considered that people don't want to waste three hours on fluff and just want to hear the winners? If stars skip out to the parties and we at home read the results online, for whom then are these hackneyed ceremonies? Nobody knows how to present awards in a timely manner that both maximizes live viewing and instant answers. Every stage stunt, commercial, or crashing website only gives one another reason to tune out. Why should I bother to watch film ceremonies that leave the most critical technical awards to happen during television breaks?

Celebrations are in Bad Taste

In addition to all the in your face gimmicks, there are custom one time gala wears, luxury jewelry, outrageous gift baskets, gourmet foods, and deluxe liquor all priced in the thousands if I'm polite but really in the millions if I'm honest. Rather than being glamour we love and all aspire to emulate, the glitter and gold are just tacky in these austere times. Movie star luster is failing at the box office because their sassy twitter pages and strategically posed instagrams are ridiculously out of touch with the everyday audience. Mom, dad, and three kids with snacks and 3D pricing is not a weekly outing to the movies many families can afford. We are too busy worrying about paycheck to paycheck bills, healthcare, politics, violence, education, and so much more. Ultimately it's tough to applaud or even take some actors seriously as they project emotional truths however imaginary onscreen because they are all so let them eat cake living in a completely different world.

Hello Category Fraud

Let's not forget also how many trophies are awarded on you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours convenience rather than merit. Categories are toyed with to suit the seasonal favorites as lead actresses steal supporting categories and dramas compete in the musical or comedy groupings. Anonymous ballots from the governing bodies admit they don't see all the nominees, don't know who many of them are, and confuse the technical categories – letting ignorance and favoritism declare a default winner. This combines the hype for one, lack of attention for another, dismissing honors within the ceremonies, and carelessness of the numerous awards to be swayed, fudged, or gifted. With the right campaign or backer, awards are easy to come by at best and at worst flat out bought. Why should I take any of the accolades where they didn't really belong as legitimate when the associations won't uphold the merits themselves?

Too many Creeps have Praised Films

In the end, it's damn daunting to want to see a movie only to find it is surrounded by a terrible scandal. It's gross as a viewer tiptoeing around taboos, touchy as a film blog praising art, and downright uncomfortable for one and all. Who's problematic? Are there degrees of lesser evils where we defend those who aren't that bad in comparison to the criminally egregious? It's awkward at best to applaud the alleged or ambiguous and simply wrong to happily hand them gold as if there's been no trouble at all. You know who I mean without mentioning their names; we wonder if everyone is guilty by association or suspect films we enjoy even if they seem stain free. I want stars who received awards for working with nasty people to auction their trophies in support of charity. I want women to not attend ceremonies so all can see just how many seats are empty without them. I want minorities to storm the red carpets and show Hollywood just how many non-white employees there can be. I'm tired of lip service that honors victims on stage and then turns around to reward a statue to a creeper. Rather than making impressive strides to balance the abuses in their industry, each awards body lowers the bar by acting like no real world or behind the scenes problems exist. When Hollywood can't or won't accurately illume all its highs and lows, really what is there to cheer?

Our Videos at HorrorAddicts.net!

Have you seen our NEW Video Reviews featured at HorrorAddicts.net yet?






In addition to my regular Frightening Flix beat and podcast segment, you can now see me wax on horror movies, books, and games. See! Hear! Read!

You can follow along on my 'Kbatz' tag for all my posts at HorrorAddicts.net or visit My Youtube Channel for more Author Interviews and Writing Conference Coverage.


Want to be a part of the scary action? Visit the Horror Addicts Facebook Community to join the conversation and get the latest on submission calls and staff openings!  

Please Note: I and HorrorAddicts.net ARE NOT affiliated with a new website soliciting on Patreon and calling themselves Horror Addicts TV. We are By Addicts, for Addicts and never ask for monetary contributions. 

Horror Movie Cliches I'm Tired of Seeing

Horror Movies Cliches I'm Tired of Seeing

by Kristin Battestella

Thanks to my wonderful gig reviewing and discussing horror movies in print, podcast, and video at HorrorAddicts.net, year round I watch a lot of horror – and I mean a lot. Unfortunately, there are numerous cliché and trite elements I'm tired of seeing in scary movies, and I suspect you are, too. Here's a list of ten such lame things horror needs to ixnay toot sweet.

1. A Prologue – Pre-credits scenes that ultimately don't have anything to do with what happens later in the movie set the audience off on the wrong foot. Here at the beginning, viewers don't know this unrelated ghost encounter, past horror, or cool death may only earn a meager mention henceforth if anything. We get to know somebody only for them to die ten minutes later, forcing the picture to start twice while disrupting audience immersion. How did this become such an oft copied, opening shock obligation?

2. Time Wasting Opening Credits – Most recent pictures begin with little more than a title card and save the cool credits for the exit music, but horror for some reason, makes sure to have cool title sequences that do nothing. Maybe they are trying to be stylish within the movie's theme. However the audience can't appreciate the ephemera because we don't yet know what the horror entails. What we do notice is that the picture is going to be five minutes shorter in actual screen time thanks to this slow filler.

3. Driving to the Horrors – Scary movies apparently have a mandatory “Are we there yet?” ride to the horrors complete with loud, hip of the minute music, and childhood friends who share irrelevant backstory each already knows just for the audience's benefit. It's a cheap way to create faux character development and an in-camera journey when we already know the destination is a scary experience. The aerial shots, zooms around the bend, and scenic views are just that – the delaying route again wasting precious time an eighty minute movie doesn't have. 

4. Stereotypical White People – I hope this is changing in recent independent horror, for much too often it's the rich and usually blonde driving from the big city to the country scares and claiming they can't leave their haunted house because their money is tied. Of course, they nonetheless maintain unrealistic means – especially if the movie goes out of its way to mention a fancy profession yet never shows one at work. What prevents the family facing the horrors from being not well to do, African-American, Hispanic, Asian, interracial, LGBTQ, or anything else? N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
 

5. Bathroom Mirror Shocks – You know what I mean. Our blonde in the towel wipes the steamy mirror, opens the medicine cabinet, and then closes it for a jump scare behind her that wasn't there ten seconds ago. There's also the dozed off in the bathtub dream fake out, irrelevant sexy glass showers, or hearing something that's nothing and leaving the water to overflow. Sometimes that's used for another drip aesthetic and other times it's forgotten. Either way, you've totally pictured what I just described because we've all seen it so many times. 
 

6. Generic Jump Scares – Rather than spending time building a taut, simmering atmosphere that keeps viewers on edge, so many just for cool graphics and creative horror scenes are wasted on hollow fakes and false moments. That creepy noise in the basement is just the cat! Once or twice, such silly safeties can alleviate audience tension or save a bigger surprise for later. Unfortunately, more often than not these jump scares are only for show with one right after another never giving us a chance to breath. It's a tired excuse deflecting on a loosely strung together plot, and it's insulting that we aren't supposed to notice. 
 

7. Modern Teens and Cool Technology – The latest barely there fashions, hip lingo, and rad gadgets of right now are obvious grabs appealing to today's young instant audience. Unfortunately, such fluff is as immediately dated as the with the quickness it represents. Instead of being down with the latest swag, why not spend time developing an atmospheric location and characters not identified by their high school clique? The instantly forgettable dumb cheerleader, black best friend, and Asian nerd are not relatable just because you have the same smartphone – especially when none of it leads to long lasting, memorable chills. 
 

8. Contrived Research Montages – Once, there was something investigative in scary movies– the library, traveling to a spooky location, speaking to the first hand horror folk. Though clichés in themselves, progressive action and character effort provide audience investment. Unlike the up close shot of the Google search bar, unrealistic newspaper clipping pop ups, a crappy Geocities website, or a Youtube video. Today's ease of access wastes no run time as characters literally and conveniently pull a resolution out of thin air. Blink and you miss critical details that deserve more attention on and off screen. What's next, asking Alexa?
 

9. Formulaic Slashers as the Face of Horror– Audiences are accustomed to an October released slasher – we all love them and studios bank on the box office of predictably bad scares trying to wink at the genre by playing into the very things that make them cliché. However, this dulls us into thinking it's how horror should be, confusing spoon fed viewers into disowning a scary movie when it breaks the mold. Such acclaimed pieces are not marketed as horror, but thriller, suspense, or now elevated horror a.k.a. drama with fear. Which, anyone who has been watching horror for the last eighty years, can tell you is nothing new at all.

10. Pulling Out the Rug – Audiences have certain expectations once we're halfway into a movie. So it's not cool when filmmakers think they are shrewd with a so-called twist that plays the viewer. If it's completely illogical to what we have seen already and has nothing to do with all that's happened, it's not a great twist. Such shocks make us aware of the movie making try hard rather than actually scaring us – cheating the viewer out of the suspension of disbelief critical to our flight or fight immersion. It isn't clever when we're looking for nonsensical answers, just a bait and switch that leaves the audience aghast for all the wrong reasons.

What clichés in horror movies are YOU tired of seeing? 

 

How Streaming Has Changed my Viewing Habits

How Streaming has Changed My Viewing – and Reviewing! – Habits

by Kristin Battestella

In these instant glory days – or is that days of instant glory? – it's becoming tougher to be both a viewing consumer and a reviewing content creator. Is there enough time to both watch all I want and maintain consist professional output? Below, I've broken down how the multitude of streaming availability has affected the focus of my writing, viewing, and reviewing.

Do I Watch More and Review Less or Vice Versa?

At times, I want to zone out and look for show to watch casually – movies or series that I don't intend to review with any critical eye. However, there are a lot of shows I end up not watching because I am saving them for a review focus. This dilemma leads me to viewing extremes, as sometimes I watch a lot purely for my enjoyment, resulting in a drop in my writing output. Then, I feel guilty if I'm not reviewing everything I watch. I used to have a policy when purchasing DVDs that all I watched would be critiqued, so if I comfort binge that's followed by an obsessive marathon viewing to get my analysis back on track. There should be a better balance between work and entertainment, but....

I Can't Keep Up!

Currently, between diginets, cinema, DVR, DVDs, Netflix discs and Instant Watch, Hulu, HBO, Amazon Prime, Starz, and Britbox – as well as free streaming channels such as The Roku Channel, TubiTV, Pub d Hub, and more – there is just too much to watch. Rather than reviewing what I want when I want, I'll rush to watch something before it expires, rotate between one program on each platform, or seasonally add or drop yet more services including Shudder, Filmstruck, and Showtime. It isn't a question of cord cutting, price per month, or yearly subscriptions anymore but rather wanting to watch something and signing up for whichever service has it – whether you already have too many things in the pile, queue, and watchlist or not because...

You Watch Something because It's There, don't Lie.

On one hand, for those of us who grew up with a wonky antenna and a dozen fuzzy channels on the dial, streaming services and all the latest technological devices provide tremendous freedom of choice. When you have Roku TVs, set top Rokus, Fire Sticks, Chromecasts, PS4, and even a VCR/DVD combo, there's no need to tune in “Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!” However, this what you want, when you want whatever mood strikes you free reign, is deceiving, for I watch something because it is available, not because I was really looking for it. When recently drafting a horror viewing list of retro films about witches in the bayou, I browsed all the horror movies on all the streaming platforms for something that fit the bill. Rather than watching a bunch of horror movies that interested me and then finding something common between them to make a recommended list, I saw several similar movies in different places and made my review around them.

So, Streaming Begets Laziness, too.

For ages, I've felt like watching Only Lovers Left Alive again. So, am I supposed to get up and put on the blu-ray because it isn't streaming anywhere? No, because it isn't streaming anywhere, I just don't watch Only Lovers Left Alive again, no matter how much I'm hankering for it. Personally, I try not to watch something on a streaming platform if I already own it on video. What's the point of having a hard copy then, right? Unfortunately, that again means I either break an outdated rule for a spur of the moment white noise viewing, or I don't watch anything. After all....

“Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.”

As Grandpa in The Lost Boys said, sometimes I just end up browsing, and browsing, and browsing some more. It's like when you are in the kitchen and open the refrigerator three times in a row hoping something different will be there when you know there won't be. Sometimes I enjoy the scrolling, it's fun to add items to my already full watchlist. When passing a good show or memorable movie, it' makes me smile to remember it even if I don't queue it, much less press play. Occasionally, I'll add something to the queue just to know it is there – you don't want to lose it and that click in itself is comfort viewing without actually watching anything. Occasionally, something expires and it isn't a big deal, you can let it go because, like a rerun you expect it to reappear on another streaming channel since so many have a lot of the same thing padding their catalogs. That said, there is inevitably that time you go through every single $^(&!&@ streaming option only to proclaim there is absolutely nothing to watch! Of course, once you look at the clock and see all the time that was wasted just looking...by that point, I'm kicking myself for not watching something I could have been reviewing. 
 

Sometimes Not Everything is Worth Watching – or Reviewing, Let's be Honest.

Recently, I'm more likely to review entire television seasons in long form and do more viewing lists of feature films instead of reviewing a motion picture in one full length essay. Sometimes, a film that's two hours or less just isn't worth the two days time to write one article about it – especially if it is a stinker. Other times, again especially with horror, I marathon too many films in a row and don't have time to write a full length piece even if one lost in the viewing shuffle is deserving of more praise. Shorter televisions shows that only have a few episodes per season or brief overall runs, however, still receive a long form eye because there is still much to discuss. Occasionally, I'll compile viewing lists of shorter shows that I deliberately chose to watch with a lighter critical focus – a low episode count or a cancellation notice means I don't have to give it as much thought, right? Of course, I'm more likely to give up on a show after only a few episodes if it doesn't immediately grab my interest. Remember, I just have so much more to watch. 
 

Does Streaming Impatience impact My Reviewing Viewpoint?

Thus, my ever lengthening queue makes me more overly critical than I used to be, even more negative. I'm not willing to wait for a show to get good or finish a movie that's dumb. Instead of coming from a viewpoint of why a program is worthwhile, today I'm more likely to question what a program must do to keep me watching. There's no real love lost if something is bad when I've not purchased that individual movie ticket or blu-ray set, yet even when a movie or series blows my mind both in entertainment and analysis, there's still a fear of what you are missing or what else you should be watching and if it was all worth the time. When you can see something in such so good, so fast consumption, there's a hesitant search for what to watch next, and inevitably, I'm going to compare what I watch after as most likely inferior no matter how different the content. I'm almost to the point where it is easier to pick something at random – press play, make some notes, and not worry about if it was worthwhile or stinks. Then, I can be pleasantly surprised when the whim succeeds, giving birth to a rare zone out viewing that become a happy review. Who knew?

What are your thoughts on how streaming has changed your viewing habits?

Pip, Pip! More Royal Documentaries!

Pip, Pip! More Royal Documentaries

by Kristin Battestella

It's time for more bling, more princes, more princesses, and of course, more scandals with these royal documentaries from across the pond.

Inside Asprey: Luxury by Royal Appointment – Jim Carter (Downton Abbey) narrates this 2017 inside look at Asprey – royal jewelers from Victoria to today's exclusive clientele thanks to custom, handcrafted, and expensive merchandise. $10,000 is a cheap sale to a store that sells one of a kind yellow diamonds worth 2.4 million! Patrons include The Queen, Prince Charles, Elton John, The Beckhams, and Samuel L. Jackson, one of many stars who receive regular loans – or purchase one the firm's bemusing items, such as a solid silver gorilla safe for $55,000. Interviews with staff, tours of the workshop, going through the store routine, and features on the jewels detail the order, presentation, and history of the over two hundred year old business as jewelers go about their silversmith craft upstairs while the merchandising and PR work downstairs at this premium Bond Street location. The $33,000 crocodile and diamond encrusted handbags are sometimes tacky, but these are scarce items for those who can afford to buy twelve of them – such as a Middle Eastern princess who comes in after hours while the camera crew waits outside the private sales room. Remember, if you have to ask the price, then you know you can't afford it, yet the employees asked to put on $15,000 earrings so a client can see how they look are able to laugh at themselves being so casual over these outrageous prices. Of course, silversmithing isn't as in demand as it used to be, and workshop reductions have come over the decades alongside commissions lost, difficult building maintenance, and increased luxury competition. Museum pieces, royal warrants, show stopping sales campaigns, and charity events cater to the international rich but despite the extreme pressures of making such delicate gems, there's a certain pride once the craftsmen bring their finished platinum necklaces to the shop floor. Although this is surely some nice documentary advertising with a certain discretion for clientele who wish to buy fully functioning $7,000 salt and pepper shakers, it's also an interesting reveal of the luxury retail inner workings with marketing missteps and honesty on Asprey's salesmanship for those living the bling life.

Two for New Anglophiles

Princes of the Palace – Royal experts and biographers chronicle the British princes by generation in this 2016 ninety minute special, beginning with no nonsense Philip's titled but humble origins and Royal Navy stature before sweeping the young Princess Elizabeth off her feet with World war II valiantry. The royal wedding boosted austere post war England, and despite taking a backseat always two steps behind his wife the queen, it's been a solid sixty-five year marriage. This cantankerous old sod who says exactly what's on his mind provides some brevity in a highlight reel of questionable Philip anecdotes, but there was difficulty between the rigid Philip and his sensitive boy Charles. Raised by nannies with distant parents, the introspective Charles was closer to the Queen Mother, hating boarding school and the toughen up style but wanting to please his father – as seen in bittersweet video of little sad and looking miserable Charles before later interviews show him developing into a cheeky bachelor. Whoa that seventies dance footage, Chuck! The interviewees speculate on the royal lack of emotion hampering his inability to relate to Diana's problems, but Charles' carefully orchestrated marriage to Diana brought positive PR with a wife supporting the regal heir and a problematic behind closed doors from her outshining him. Scandals, adultery, and blame go around before later Camilla forgiveness, however, it's more interesting to hear of Charles' progressive pushing the envelope in his bridesmaid role as the waiting Prince of Wales. The future kingly hopes on Prince William are revisited with his baby clips and Diana's hands on rearing allowing him to experience the normal side of life rather than The Firm's old fashioned coldness. Between the saucy secrets making headlines and putting on a brave face amid the grief, much time is spent on Diana here – rolling Charles and William together with her rather than mentioning Andrew or Edward at all. You wouldn't know there are more princes in the House of Windsor thanks to the glowing Wills heartthrob moments before talk of that impish wild child Harry turning some of his infamous faux pas into military service and charity work. It's disappointing that this is mostly all information viewers already know wrapped in a supersized time together, but fortunately, there are enough rare clips and highlights serving as a quick introduction for younger audiences.

The Royals – This 2013 series opens its six themed episodes with Wedding allure from the then recent Cambridge nuptials before black and white footage, newsreels, portraits, radio clips, and on location scenery accent talk of Victoria's once radical bridal press coverage and war rationed wedding success for Elizabeth and Philip. Voiceovers, historians, and journalists wax on American versus British perspectives on the monarchy with expected British pomp and tongue in cheek on the opulent gowns, Charles needing a virgin bride, and the mismatch of his fairy tale wedding to Diana as seen by 750 million television audiences worldwide. Episode topics overlap with Edward VIII's abdication and Wallis Simpson's marriage crisis and the love/hate Charles and Camilla PR turnaround, and a chronological focus rather than jumping back and forth could have made room for all the marriages not mentioned. Episode Two's Funerary focus continues the pageantry with the mixed emotions of the king is dead long live the king, but perhaps understandably spends over half the forty-five minute time on Diana's death and the global mourning that followed. The interviewees get personal while addressing the monarchy's missteps in the public versus private grief and need for a televised response. However, the usual paparazzi and conspiracies are still fairly recent and seem redundant compared to interesting details on the royal flag, security code names, and funerary protocol changes in such unprecedented circumstances. Serious documentary supposition is also awkwardly tossed in with Elizabeth I's death ending the English Tudor dynasty for the Stuart British era before the life long mourning etiquette and morbid Victorian era, George VI's funeral, and the Queen Mother's longevity. Of course, the Third Episode “Teens” big shocker is all poor William and rah rah Harry. Brief time on royals once trained as military leaders, Philip's stoic upbringing versus Diana's hand on approach, and psychological analysis on a royal's media responsibility contrasting the often emotionally distant castle rearing are pushed aside for nothing new on The Heir and The Spare. Fan blogs are interviewed, OMG Zara Phillips has her tongue pierced, and this is an unnecessary episode with time that could have been better spent elsewhere. The Scandals of Episode Four likewise do a disservice by spending more time on Edward VIII's Nazi leanings and Margaret's marital troubles before all the Charles and Diana divorce, rival interviews, books, tampons, and tabloids we already know. It's also baffling that somehow, neither The Yorks nor Princess Anne are never mentioned the entire series! The first television footage of the Royal Family at home is pleasing, but the George focus of Episode Five “Babies” runs thin with more talk of growing up royal like we just had a few shows ago. Perhaps these should have been half hour episodes going by decade, for how long can they talk about Pets in Episode Six? Ironically, the corgis, horses, Tudor pet portraits, swans, Tower of London menagerie, Raven masters, heroic pigeons, and polo highlights actually provide unique information – treating this whimsical topic with more facts then the whole rest of the program. If you're looking for balanced details on the entire House of Windsor or major British Royal history, one won't find it here. The superficial and repetitive aspects, too recent skew, and unorderly fashion will irritate more knowledgeable royal enthusiasts. However, this can be a fun starter for younger viewers new to following Lillibet and Co.

A Dated Skip

Princesses of the World – Naturally the ranks and succession for several of these princesses turned queens and single gals now taken has changed since this 2009 recounting of the not always fairy tale lives of royal ladies. Black and white wedding clips introduce Hollywood star turned Grace of Monaco, our first celebrity princess before eventual tragedy and the rare bling, marital strife, and star power of Soraya of Iran. These quick moments lead to an odd time on Princess Margaret where it's just Charles talking about his aunt – and people can follow her melodrama on The Crown now anyway. The romance tallies of fellow bad girl Stephanie of Monaco follow with her sister Caroline of Hanover before the requisite Diana spotlight moves in a somewhat chronological order grouped by status or rebelry. However, a lot of ladies are skipped in this fast paced anecdotal style with unnecessary upbeat music and a narration trying to sound sophisticated by pronouncing words in an extra unusual way. Somehow, we're fast forwarding to the Australian advertising executive cum Crown Princess Mary of Denmark – a perhaps under the radar princess who doesn't have a sad ending who's therefore superficially treated with fashion talk as if that's the most important thing about her and Letizia now Queen of Spain. Nude scandals and eating disorders segue into the odd inclusion of the then child Aiko of Japan, again ignoring older princesses and the rest of the Japanese Imperial ladies in this fast sixty seconds. Current Queen Maxima is also only mentioned for her pre-Netherlands family controversies, and the interesting leadership preparations and military training interviews with Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden are incredibly rushed in favor of backtracking to Beatrice and Eugenie with a side of Fergie. This erroneous focus on minor British Royals doesn't even include Anne or Alexandra, and despite their photographs flashing in the awkward transition montages, Madeleine of Sweden and Queen of the Belgians Mathilde are never featured. Several other countries such as Norway are forgotten entirely with no rhyme or reason as to who living, deceased, non-reigning, heir or spare is included or not – even already ascended queens. A more factual by country grouping with family tree graphics might have set off an entire half hour biography series devoted to royal women, allowing time for more than just the pretty or bittersweet love lives defining the lady by her man. While a quick recap for those who don't know much about royals, the glaring omissions simply don't do what it says on the tin.

But I must ask, where are all the documentaries not about the British Royal Family?