The
Tales from the Darkside Debut Still Has Memorable Frights
by
Kristin Battestella
The
late George A. Romero produced the 1984-85 syndicated debut of Tales
from the Darkside, a
twenty-three episode anthology of original and short story
adaptations with familiar faces and plenty of memorable half-hour
frights. The Complete Series DVD set, however, begins with the
original 1983 “Trick or Treat” pilot written by Romero and
starring Bernard Hughes (The
Lost Boys) as
a Scrooge-like lender profiting from the ruin of others with his to
the penny bookkeeping. His wealth is in money bags instead of banks,
and come Halloween, he hides the IOUs from his desperate share
croppers for their children to find and thus absolve their family's
debt. Parents drum up their scared children to brave the annual house
of horrors and the devilish wizard behind the curtain orchestration.
Justly, the turnabout on
this modern Dickensian spin is fair play when real horrors best our
miser at his own game. More businessmen are smoking cigars and
offered scotch to celebrate the latest deal in “The New Man.”
Unfortunately, when a little boy shows up at the office telling his
father to come home, the man doesn't recognize him – unlike his
wife and older son, who are appalled by dad's mistake and refer to an
alcoholic history of repeated moves and lost jobs. His life spirals
back to the bottle in a surreal mix of horror and addiction, and
though confusing with distorted timelines and resets, the real life
consequences remain relatable. More cocktails, limousines, bribery,
and homicide anchor “I'll Give You a Million” as two
sophisticated old gentlemen play billiards and raise the stakes to a
million dollars for one's soul. Is it tomfoolery to bet on a
nonexistent property or is there something to a bad liver, senile
behavior, and foul play clauses in the contract? A terminal
diagnosis, however, changes the with interest and buy back offers on
the deal as storms, power outages, and fatal phone calls set off the
Marley-esque visitations. Likewise doctor Farley Grainger (Strangers
on a Train) has a radical
solution to a laid up husband's back problem in “Pain Killer.”
Muscle relaxers, two weeks off from work, and acupuncture are to no
avail – but maybe its his nagging wife that's really the constant
pain...
Some
Tales from the Darkside
episodes have similar
financial bargains and devilish killers, however such pay it forward
macabre creates a connective undercurrent for the anthology, and a
mysterious man in a white suit breaks the bookies with his lucky
streak in “The Odds.” The back booth seedy and congested, smoky
mood forgive the colloquial betting talk as the ticking clock counts
down when the fatal stakes are due. In “Slippage,” a graphic
artist loses his birth certificate, paycheck, and portfolio. His
reunion invitation never comes either, and it's almost as if he
doesn't exist at all when his yearbook photo disappears. No one, not
even his wife, remembers him – but is it a set up or the
supernatural? Horror make up artist turned director Tom Savini (Dawn
of the Dead) brings the
creepy hands, terrible eyes, and ghoulish reveal for “Inside the
Closet” as taxidermy and a small locked closet in a rented room
live up to the Tales from
the Darkside name
alongside skeleton keys, mouse traps, and spooky dolls. Slide
protectors, atmospheric music, under the bed shadows, and swift
editing for the creature attacks elevate this warped twist. Meek out
of work writer Bruce Davidson (X2)
wishes his late genius nephew was his in fellow Creepshow
collaborator
Stephen King's “The
Word Processor of the Gods,” and the boy's custom built word
processor has an execute button convenient for creating Spanish
doubloons – as well as one big red delete key that comes in really
handy. Retro text, warning phone calls, fearful confrontations, and
fiery overloads accent the consequences while Bibles and organ music
set the funeral scene in Robert Bloch's (Psycho)
“A Case of the Stubborns.” Unfortunately for young Christian
Slater (Mr. Robot)
and Brent Spiner (Star Trek:
The Next Generation), grandpa
Eddie Bracken (Hail
the Conquering Hero)
doesn't recollect being dead and is too stubborn to admit it despite
no heartbeat and a death certificate. The too much rouge becomes
pasty skin peeling and the Board of Health doesn't like the smell,
but the local voodoo woman offers a solution – pepper.
Tarot
readings for a deceptive old lady swapping the card decks spells doom
for Dorothy Lyman (Mama's
Family) in
"In the Cards." The desperation increases as thrown away
cards reappear and even setting the deck on fire can't prevent the
tellings foretold. Are these predictions coming true a gift or a
curse? Disbelievers and rival madams combine here for a mystical
meets real world darkness. At least nagging wife Alice Ghostley
(Bewitched) knows
the way to her husband's heart is his favorite stew in
"Anniversary Dinner."
It's the empty nesters' twenty-fifth, and they take in a young hiker,
offering her a celebratory sherry in their hidden room with a hot tub
and some taxidermy. Sure, this one is obvious, but Tales
from the Darkside serves
up a twisted good time nonetheless when a drunken teacher tells off
the headmaster because he's going to win the lottery in “Snip,
Snip” thanks to the perfect number – 666. Unfortunately,
667 rewards hairdresser
Carol Kane (Taxi), and
a talkative parakeet
named Lucifer interrupts an attempt to steal her winning ticket.
Appearances, however, are deceiving, and the tense but sardonic
banter questions which spirits truly have the answers – astrology
or distilled. Then again, a little horseshoe phone never looked so
ominous as in one of my Tales
from the Darkside favorites
"Answer Me," where subletting Jean Marsh (Upstairs,
Downstairs) hears the
incessant ringing of her neighbor's telephone. The apartment's been
empty since the last tenant died, and the casual, effortless talking
to oneself turns into frantic chatter as the noise next door won't
stop. Increasingly dark rooms, scary shadows, and twisted telephone
cords live up to the series name in this taut one woman play. For
“Madness Room,” an older man, his younger wife, and their
handsome lawyer uncover tales of murder and treasure maps via a Ouija
board, and the sophisticated puzzle builds with a little drywall
demolition, secret doors, a one hundred year old diary, and some
ghostly gun play on the comeuppance. Likewise “If the Shoes Fit...”
puts a political candidate in an eerie hotel on his latest campaign
stop where his tactic is to gain votes by making people smile. The
charm, of course, is all for show, and he admits the pomp and
circumstance is all so the best actor can win. Ironically, this
circus commentary on politics, clown suit and all, remains a
surprisingly relevant farce.
Though
seemingly hokey with carnival magicians and harmless tricks,
“Levitation” has a few surprises up its sleeve with fatal magic
and foolish teens wanting to know all the behind the scenes secrets.
There's a sorrow amid the throwing knives, applause, and slight of
hand – but our heckler gets what he wishes for when a little 'Light
as a Feather, Stiff as a Board' goes awry. The very expensive laundry
service in “It All Comes Out in the Wash” guarantees the rinsing
of a customer's sin and guilt, leaving pleased with themselves
clientele free to divorce or order vendettas while waiting on the
latest laundry delivery. Unfortunately, when the prices triple and
the order is late, one's soul may be the final cost for services
rendered. Quitting smoking has also never been tougher than in
“Bigalow's Last Smoke.” This high tech cage has bars on the
windows, a television watching you, and punishments for striking a
match. The only way out of the full proof program is to stop smoking
– making for another memorable and psychologically chilling Tales
from the Darkside parable
via the most common addiction concepts.
“Grandma's Last Wish” also tackles the horrors of reality with
ungratefulness, aging, and ageism. When this obnoxious family ignores
Grandma, they learn what it's like to be old in this witty turnabout.
The bus station at Christmas is filled with superstitious warnings,
almost walking under a ladder, tea leaves, and horoscopes in “The
False Prophet” season finale. A fortune telling machine predicts a
gullible Ronee Blakley (A
Nightmare on Elm Street)
will meet the love of her life on this trip. However a newer,
futuristic male voiced machine wants her to get touchy feely for his
advice, warning her to beware of false prophets when a flashy
minister arrives with all the platitudes. Which one should she
believe? Eerie lighting, personality, and wolf in sheep's clothing
subtext top off the unlucky deceptions.
Of
course in this lengthy season of old Tales
from the Darkside has
a lot of hours to fill, and a few meh plots stray into the offbeat or
weird rather than fitting the series' spooky theme. The eponymous boy
and girl twins of "Mookie
and Pookie" address newfangled computer ghost in the machine
fears with Justine Bateman (Family
Ties) and Tippi Hedron (The
Birds) the
same way The Twilight
Zone addressed
spaceflight paranoia. However, the giant old PC, radical programs
putting the brother in the network, and a dad not down with the tech
times are totally hokey today. Colleen
Camp (Clue)
and all-star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar also can't save Harlan Ellison's
(Star Trek's “The
City on the Edge of Forever”)
“Djinn, No Chaser.” The straight jacket asides and to the screen
therapy confessions compete with the flashback recounting a genie
lamp, disembodied voices, and silly objects flying about the room.
What could have been a cautionary wish fulfillment tale stalls with
flat humor bordering on the ridiculous. “All a Clone by the
Telephone” boasts agent Dick Miller (Night
of the Creeps) and down on
his luck writer Harry Anderson (Night
Court), but the too cool
for school little answering machine with a better life of its own
takes itself too seriously to be avante garde bizarre. Likewise,
perpetually emotional Jessica Harper (Suspiria)
meets the mysterious Victor Garber (Legends
of Tomorrow) who
can capture her teardrops with his ancient Chinese wisdoms in “The
Tear Collector.” The glass swan vessels, tear trophy rooms, and
consequences for breaking the collection seem to build toward
something, but all the ominous tears and broken glass just end
up...happy? Boo, hiss! Fortunately, dark
lighting, green hues, and shadow schemes do fit the eerie alongside
nostalgic animatronics, old school prosthetics, and classic horror
make up. Without a huge budget or today's film making technology,
Tales from the Darkside does
a lot with less – and the series didn't need anything beyond those
smoke and mirrors, thunderstorms, and distorted voice effects
creating its sinister mood. Sure, some obvious sets may be cramped or
barren, but that lends to a stage-like parable and other episodes
make the most of outdoor scenes. Several entries may have a period or
old fashioned setting, but the slightly earlier seventies feeling
makes it tough to tell what's past or present and no dates are given
to break the warped reality. Then again, the boob tubes, rabbit ears,
Walkmans, waterbeds, VCRs, and Ma Bell accent the prophetic talk of
computers being the way of the future. Forget the diskettes,
typewriters, retro kitchens, and dated patterns! I'll take some of
those vintage hundred dollar bills though, and look at those eighties
yuppies talking a stroll down memory lane with their 1965
yearbook!
While
some of the Seasonal DVD releases have music rights issues and the
Complete Series set is packaged somewhat plainly, there is a
commentary from Romero included with “Trick or Treat,” and Tales
from the Darkside is also
currently available on Shudder. The series may not be super famous to
younger horror fans, but mention Tales from the Darkside to
us of a certain age and you hear tell of an opening theme that
terrified youngins back in the day. Its pretty sunshine, happy trees,
and rustic imagery turn black, white, and red – a negative image
with sinister notes to match narrator Paul Sparer's warning of the
dark underworld therein where we must doubt all we believe.
Such bleak is immediately immersive compared to the dark comedy or
more fantastic comic book tone of Creepshow and Tales from
the Crypt. This debut is
dated, often weird, usually unexplained, and not without hiccups. It
hurts the series that audiences today have seen it all and may find
the twists boring. However, Tales from the Darkside's First Season makes the most of its old school effects and vintage
style for heaps of atmosphere and memorable harbingers.
