Spooky, Suspenseful, Short Lived Shows

Spooky and Suspenseful but Short Lived TV Shows!

by Kristin Battestella

Say that title three times fast and you might miss these brief contemporary serials filled with paranormal fun, suspenseful mystery, and sometimes, understandably canceled problems.

The Gates – Rhona Mitra (who always seems to be in short lived shows) joins new police chief with a questionable past Frank Grillo (Kingdom) for these 13 43 minute episodes aired on ABC in Summer 2010. The pilot gets right to the exclusive, too good to be true community, its bloody reveals, and cheating vampire couples – the carpooling drove her to it! Sadly, ridiculously brief opening credits make it tough to identify the main characters, onscreen introductions are uneven, people who should interact never do, and more players are added or forgotten weekly. The cast is at once diverse yet too Hollywood basic; minorities are both upscale professionals but still treated as secondary with no development. We like Grillo (an Italian actor playing a cop with the Celtic name of Monohan!) but he blindly overreacts to everything. Fortunately, things get intriguing once the high tech security technology and monster revelations turn the tables. The more interesting adult core and sinister guessing should have remained paramount, but the forced family scenes and high school love triangles sag immediately with thinly veiled werewolf latency and succubus birth control. While hammy in her try hard scorn, witch Chandra West (NYPD Blue), apothecary Victoria Platt (Guiding Light), vampire sunscreen jokes, and hypnotic teas are more fun than the badly lit wolfy, unnecessary hip music, dated flip phone texts, and soap opera slow zooms. Though filmed in Louisiana, an onscreen location or new American Gothic flavor is never addressed, and too many writers in so few episodes never allow for a cohesive vision. Redundant revenge and blackmail detract from the supernatural as slo mo vamp fu or dumb ghosts push aside budding monster does not make the man character drama. Every plot of the week filler is tossed at the screen in fast hopes of paranormal capitalizing when all that wasn't working should have been red penciled. Thankfully, Dallas style vamps versus wolfy secrets and bemusing, self aware, Stepford pretenses build enough atmosphere – yes, how do you arrest a vampire? The second half improves even if the final two episodes have the unenviable job of tying up too many loose threads. Ultimately, this series never decides if it is a spooky Melrose Place or a harder horror crime drama. It deserved another ten episodes to get things right, but this messy fun is perfect for a ghouly girls and potato chips binge weekend.

Top of the Lake – This beautifully photographed 2013 New Zealand thriller is broken into seven episodes stateside, but the marathon moves fast thanks to investigation twists, intersecting, desperate characters, and more peripheral crimes. There are red herrings, of course, with suspicious family, shady cops, and local criminals amid the uncomfortable young pregnancy, past abuses, sexual conflicts, self harm, and drug use. It's heavy! Who knows more than they are saying? Everyone knows everybody in this backwater small town, and if the women don't take the gruff from all the drunk, abusive men, then they are shamed, ostracized, and deemed lesbians. The nudity, saucy, and disturbing material, however, is not styled as sensationalized film making, leaving enough intelligent suggestion and implication to invest the audience in the mystery at hand. Unfortunately, there are a few questionable elements – women are always alone in the dark woods without cellphones or protection and too many interesting characters disappear after only a few scenes that seem to suggest they are significant and should appear again. There is no police procedure or back up, evidence is left hanging alongside several loose ends, and naive actions with poor follow through will aggravate long time detective viewers. The timeline also crunches several months worth of hefty events before providing a quicker, rushed, somewhat obvious resolution. Thankfully, this case is about bringing these motley people together and resolving their hidden issues just as much as it is solving the crime, and there are a few shockers, escalations, and taboos not often seen on American television as a result. Golden Globe winner Elizabeth Moss (Mad Men) is wonderful as her detective Robin Griffin deals with close to home sexual violence, past conflicts, and romantic weakness. She makes cop mistakes but rises above the backwoods masculine arrogance from the on form David Wenham – pretty as this show looks, there is no Lord of the Rings here and Faramir this is not! This year resolves itself nicely, so I'm not sure where they are going to go with the forthcoming second series even with the Nicole Kidman joining rumors. However, even when the audience thinks we have the despicable all pegged and the likable players at heart, there's plenty of excellent performances, intrigue, and social examinations here to keep us guessing and shouting at the TV.

Skip It!

Persons Unknown – I barely made it through this 13 episode mystery thriller originally aired on NBC in Summer 2010 thanks to distorted flashbacks, jagged editing, shrill sounds, whoosh sliding effects, and booming music. Such erratic filming detracts from the anonymous surveillance fears, big brother abductions, and whiff of SF experimentation – which is unfortunately predictable ala “5 Characters in Search of an Exit.” The mostly unfamiliar cast and stock roles – mom, politician's daughter, soldier, mental patient, bully, etc. – are unevenly explored amid repeated team problem solving, leadership divisions, and stupid actions where the consequences are never considered. The wavering pace both shortchanges the narrative by skipping essential research, exploring, and deduction yet simultaneously pads the time by dragging out the tedious for unneeded dramatic effect and wannabe Lost toppers. Lesbian suggestions, Islam, and fallen priest plots are used when convenient or inexplicably dropped, and this lack of character depth pulls the rug out from under the already deflated emotional core. The why of a mid century hotel, empty main street, old payphones, and typewriters are mystery enough yet half the series is wasted on spinning tires escape attempts or stalling because the mole is too obvious and all of the numerous characters are too unlikable. Breaking the shady atmosphere possibilities for external, irrelevant investigative tabloid reporters is a mistake, and throwing love triangles and double talking government reprogramming on top of the heap doesn't hide the careless inconsistencies and tame but trying to be radical contrivances. Italian locales and Spanish flavors don't make up for the lack of answers, and this series proves exactly why episodic, weekly, network television needs to catch up with this decade's streaming, all at once storytelling. It looks like they had no idea how to end this overlong miniseries, which is maddening when viewers are only watching for the mystery to be %$#@^ solved.

Dog Days and Werewolf Viewings!

Dog Days of Summer Horror!

By Kristin Battestella

Well, well.  What better way to usher in the Dog Star than by releasing our inner lycanthrope viewing pleasures?

Viewer’s Best Friend

Brotherhood of the Wolf – Yes, the dubbing and/or subtitles in this 2001 French action/horror/period Le Pacte Des Loups will automatically turn off some folks. However, the voiceovers and onscreen readings aren’t hokey at all, and the internal narration helps instead of hinders here. On form stars Vincent Cassel (Eastern Promises) and Monica Bellucci (Under Suspicion) do their own English tracks, and director Christophe Gans (Silent Hill) smartly filmed with little close ups to ease the dub matchings. Beautiful landscapes and photography, lush interiors and costumes add more than enough visual spice; the atmosphere, period music, and candlelight do wonders. The hearsay and speculation builds delightfully along with the mix of American Indian natural beliefs versus French hypocrisy and politics of the time. Though there is a serious overuse of slow motion stylings, 18^th century mullets, and too out of place Fu fight choreography, the nudity and brothel scenes do serve a purpose. True it’s not full on horror, uber scary, or that gory. There’s actually little wolfness in the first hour, the beast CGI is iffy, the 2 and ½ hour runtime is a little long, and though both are well done, the period mystery and supernatural cult action are a little inconsistent with each other. Nevertheless, it’s all damn entertaining for a foreign action/horror/period film.  Who knew?

Curse of the Werewolf – Oft Hammer director Terence Fisher (Horror of Dracula) helms this 1961 Spanish styled wolfy starring a creepy but tragically tormented Oliver Reed (Gladiator), the caring Clifford Evans (The Kiss of the Vampire), and the sad but buxom Yvonne Romain (Circus of Horrors).  As usual, the Spanish portrayals are somewhat stereotypical or plainly English barely disguised as Spanish.  The plot is quite slow to start as well, with plenty of boobs, nasty nobles, injustice, murder, and illicit pregnancies all before we get to the titular plight. Yes, what we get is dang good; it just seems as if we restart 3 times before finally getting to where the film is going. Thankfully, the 18^th century style, costumes, and carriages look sweet and colorful.  All the expected horror smoke, mirrors, and perfectly cued music and thunderclaps do their part.  The notion of a cursed child battling for his youth against a wolfish soul is also unique- none of this modern rugged and roguish teen dream business.  Religious subtext and medieval fears also add an extra dimension and it all makes we wish Hammer had done more werewolf pictures.

Dog Soldiers – I love this 2002 wolf warfare treat from writer and director Neil Marshall (The Descent, Centurion).  Kevin McKidd (Rome), Liam Cunningham (Hunger), and Sean Pertwee (Cold Feet) are delightfully good fun along with the well-paced but no less intense action and slow-brewed but no less scary horror.  There’s lovely photography-both confined, claustrophobic interior camerawork and wide scoping vista displays- to balance the horror siege and guerilla action style.  It’s all natural, too- not over saturated with digital designs.  Though perhaps subpar compared to the fancy effects we expect, the wolfy styles are also sweet. Marshall leaves no time for big 3D panoramic wolf risings when the intimate fighting is on. Why should he? The peril gets across better when you don’t immediately see the werewolves in all their glory, and the paranoia and performance play is allowed the spotlight instead. The humorous nods to the audience, thick accents, harsh language, Brit slang, and disturbingly good gore might be bothersome to some. However, there’s much more good to be had here than any such American hang-ups. Even knowing what happens, this movie gets me every time- and it looks great on blu ray, too. 

She Wolf of London – This 1946 short has a would be were-lady running amok in turn of the century England- and yes, it still looks good!  All the hallmarks are here: the disbelieving law, legends of cursed parentage, great button up rigidity hiding the doggy truth.  June Lockhart (Lost in Space) is our lovely distressing damsel-or is she?  However, it’s Sara Haden (Andy Hardy) as her Aunt Martha that’s so juicy, jealous lesbian-esque, and just a bit too wicked stepmother to really be so kind. The dialogue is perhaps too mid century for the onscreen action and it’s all probably too angry chick and not meant for male fans.  Although I suspect that was the point; I never saw a werewolf wear such great frocks and veils! It’s interesting that we don’t see the lycan hysteria as in today’s films- it’s all mostly off-screen attacks and fear of the beast that drives the suspense.  Yes, there’s more obvious mystery fun than true horror. However, the plot is tight and nicely paced, the silver palette crisp, and the angled and crooked photography atmospheric. Beat that!

Werewolf Hunter – Subtitled The Legend of Romasanta stateside, this 2004 Spanish production boasts a nice cast, smart editing, and lovely 1851 style and decoration.  Sinister as always Julian Sands (Warlock, A Room with a View) is his usual sexy and scary self, of course. The suspense and mystery are well paced; the intercutting between wolf attacks, various points of view, and investigative tactics add uniqueness compared to the typical American herky-jerky contemporary filmmaking. There’s a great wolf to human transformation, too, and a good dose of implied kink with nudity, naturally.  Tension, scares, disturbing deaths and horror despite no seriously overwhelming gore- even if this isn’t truly a 100% werewolf film, everything’s done right here.  After seeing this and Agora, I don’t know why we aren’t receiving more films via Spain.

Werewolf of London –Universal’s 1935 lycanthropy tale stars Henry Hull (Lifeboat) as our tormented scientist turned wolfy. Yes, it’s a bit heavy handed on the ‘good Christian England’ versus these exotic evil afflictions and abominations! The Tibet action is a little stereotypical and ill made, and the wolf makeup is not as good looking today.  Thankfully, the scares and screams shine through. The premise is still intriguing, and other onscreen laboratory tricks and period décor look smashing.  The women are perhaps too thirties and in some scenes downright annoying for modern viewers, but again, the juicy moral anguish wins.  Sure, it is probably too Jekyll and Hyde, but so what? The examination of man against beast and science versus morality works 75 years on. Who’d need CGI if we could still make gems like this?

Be Leary of thy Neighbor’s Pet

Red Riding Hood – The fine cast in this 2011 thriller meets fairytale- Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!), Gary Oldman (Bram Stoker’s Dracula), Virginia Madsen (Candyman) and Julia Christie (Don’t Look Now)- overall aren’t too bad. I dare say the classy elder players are even on form and beyond.  The photography also looks perfect, with rustic medieval village designs and lovely snowbound mountainscapes. It was fun to guess at director Catherine Hardwicke’s (Twilight, big surprise) wolf mystery, suspect and identify the townsfolk, and call all the obvious red herrings whilst keeping in mind all the standard “What big eyes you have…” staples.  Unfortunately, this entire wolf teen dream triangle in the middle ages ala Twilight thing is getting waaayyyy old. Snoozer boys, blurry action bam boom werewolf designs, and a dumb ending stemming directly from this Twihard mess not only taints the tale but undoes all the positives for audiences who don’t want to be fed more googley eyes.  The Company of Wolves was better.

Rabid!

Van Helsing (2004) – Fans of Hugh Jackman (X-Men), Kate Bekinsale (Underworld), and David Wenham (Lord of the Rings) can enjoy parts of this vampire, wolf, and other random monster menagerie from writer and director Stephen Sommers’ (’99 The Mummy good, good Lord no G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra). Tragically, the rest of this overly CGI mess looks like someone forgot to clean the crap out of the cage.  What could have been something morally dark, seriously scary, and religiously anchored in the spirit of the Universal Monster predecessors is instead dumbed down to vampire eggs, fake flying chicks, bad accents, and worse jokes. I can’t believe they thought this was going to be a franchise.  What’s ever scarier: I attempted to read the novelization.  Shudder. Stick with Dracula: Dead and Loving It if you want camp.

300: The Stelios Edition

300: The Stelios Edition

By Kristin Battestella

(Just a little Valentine treat for the ladies at the Michael Fassbender Online website!)

Yes, after two previous analysis of the 2007 Greek yarn 300, I’ve decided to take another look at this fantastical tale of graphic and gory action, historical honor, and battle rousing inspiration for one be-speedo-ed Spartan: the long haired, high flying, in search of a beautiful death Stelioooooos!  I’ve been sick for two weeks and am so looped up on cough medicine that it’s not funny- perhaps that can explain this delusion.

So try to contain yourselves as the IQ seeps from the room and trickles deep, deep down into the gutter- or refer to my initial intelligent critiques via our 300 label instead. You have been warned, Persian.  

 

After seeing his tour de force acting capabilities in films like Hunger and Fish Tank, I admitted I was remiss in not appreciating Michael Fassbender’s crazy Spartan sooner.  I was actually in a David Wenham streak as an offshoot of my Lord of the Rings obsessions when I first saw 300 in the theater, but I was more interested in the ground breaking effects, filming design, and Battle of Thermopylae interpretation from director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead, Watchman) than you know, hot guys in leather hot pants.  Certainly if there was ever a film that was so purely designed for the sake of eye candy, beefcake, and every desert in between, 300 would have to be it.  However, the entire reason I decided to see 300 in the theater was because the trailers looked so dang cool.  If I were just interested in some juicy LOTR excess, I would have waited for the DVD or just watched Wenham’s Better Than Sex again.  (Trust me on that one!)  Outside of 2007’s pop campaign slogan, “This is Sparta!” or “Tonight, we dine in Hell!” I kept wondering where Gerard Butler was in the previews.  Who the hell was this flying Spartan fightin’ so dirtily in the shade and leaping with his bellowing red cape flowing behind him?  Not that I knew or cared, but such sweet promos made 300 must see for a lot of people, didn’t it?

When Stelios first appears 20 minutes into the film, his introduction is strangely accentuated compared to the other 299 personal bodyguards going on a stroll.  Why in the hell is this longhaired angry dude the one declaring his loyalty in such quotable fervor?  “We are with you, sire! For Sparta, for freedom, to the death!”  We got that part already, thanks.  And when does he have time to do his hair, anyway?  First, it’s all blonde and blowing in the sun kissed Grecian wind, then its half and half by time Stelios woo woos his Spartan profession.  It’s as if Stelios is being expressly singled out as the young, wild, pimpin’ badass, and I don’t like that.  I have a habit of expressly avoiding going for the designated hottie in a film.  Where’s the fun in liking the one that everyone else is going to like, too?  Nonconform, people.  Then, we’re expected to believe this guy also has a poetic soft side in addition to abs of steel and shampoo commercial hair?  It is Stelios who inquires on the people in the village and declares, “Have the gods no mercy?”  Well then, I’m certainly not going to like this guy- he’s just too good to be true…

And then he gets wet and airborne on us!  

When I first wrote my original review of 300 24 hours after I saw it in the theater, some viewers were actually angry with me and sent me messages complaining I spoiled the ending by talking about the Spartans’ sacrificial and latently messianic deaths to save Greece.  Um, yeah.  If Michael Fassbender was in your high school history classroom dressed like this and reciting Herodotus, maybe we might have paid more attention!  I confess I didn’t hear a word he said in the theater- something about ancestors, blood, and mortar.  If we were supposed to pay attention, we never would have been given that crotch shot with the sword whip out.  Devo, anyone?  I was with my future husband in the theater, and it was a good thing the lights were dark.  I thought, ‘Geez, will this naked guy put his cape back on already!’ Yes, he is still wearing those very Brazilian undies, but the action of whipping out his faux sword seriously implies he has it all hanging out.  We are forced into not taking our eyes off of this damn guy- and it fucking works.  People still talk about this “fight in the shade” scene as being the most memorable part of the movie nearly five years later.  Michael Fassbender made people like frigging history with his ancient factual dialogue, and The History Channel is still showing its ‘Last Stand of the 300’ documentary because of it.

Maybe Stelios wasn’t my favorite Spartan, but you can’t deny his impact in the film.  I confess, for the longest time, I even had a little moving avatar of Mr. Slim and Shady from his pimptastic single-handed takedown of those pesky Persian mystics.  His tuck tail and subsequent delight at his own fireworks was just that cool, even to me.  While I’m on the subject, did any other character in 300 have a youtube mini parody named in his honor?  No.  Stalking Stelios is awesome- and not just because Michael Fassbender graciously makes an appearance in it.  All humor aside, my favorite Stelios moment has always been his beautiful death soliloquy.  Truly, I thought the hair in his face look was seriously annoying, but when giving his insane yet inspiring speech about seeking glory in death, the psycho hair works.  The scene is somewhat dark, and with the hair in his face, we only clearly see the shiny whites of Stelios’ teeth and eyes.  When he laughs in the face of death, nay runs towards his end with open arms and such a joyous grin and glint in his eye, you can’t help but believe that Sparta means business.

 With his contradictory heart of poet seeking death and fighting so damn hard prowess, I must confess, I also thought there was some seriously implied sexual undertones between Stelios and Tom Wisdom’s Astinos.  The way the elder Stelios with an implied wife and sons at home teases his Captain’s son, who is “too young to have felt a woman’s warmth” is tough to miss, particularly if you do manage to look past the exuding visuals and pay attention to their kinky banter.  The way Fassbender always tends to stand with his little hands on his sassy hips, calling Astinos a woman and claiming he needs his back covered in battle.  Astinos gives it, too, claiming Stelios was “more likely offering his backside to the Thespians.” Frankly, it is gay- in both the sense that it’s happy and all in good fun and sexual between men at the same time.  The best part?  Stelios is still a pimp.  You can’t not like that panoramic, slow motion, tag team fight sequence with the kicks, thrusts, sword slices, sword throwing, somersaults, and orgasmic jabs.  300 is in slow motion so you can see everything, and for the most part, you can tell which Spartans are who and where because of it.  Sure, sometimes when they have their helmets on or are all shielded up in the phalanx early on maybe you can’t tell who is who- Stelios isn’t even called by name until an hour into the film, just before the “There’s no reason we can’t be civil” apple zinger. However, by the final moments of Leonidas’ last stand, we damn well know who Stelios is when the king calls for him.  Not only would ‘Captaiiiiiiiiiin!’ not have been as cool, but when such death is imminent, we know only Stelios will lead the charge. In some ways, you have to admit his final flying leap and death cry is kind of funny looking.  Yet at the same time, it is fucking terrifying.  If I were a Persian, I’d want to run away from this nothing to loose maniac and his spear, too. Even here in 300, where the leather bikini bottom is everything, Fassbender still presented a damn fine character.  Who knew?

 Now then, if you need further proof of the power of the Fassinator, even director Zack Snyder is under his spell.  When watching 300 with his commentary, Snyder never mentions Stelios or Fassbender through the entire film- except for the end.  Now, again, I’m expecting to hear about the story, how Dillios’ narration is actually what is on the epitaph at the Hot Gates today, “Go tell the Spartans, passersby…” yadda yadda history and all that.  But no, instead of historical and powerful insights, Snyder takes this time out to point out Michael Fassbender, “that’s him just to the right”, because after the final take, everyone went outside in cold Montreal for a snowball fight.  The Mighty Fass apparently pegged Snyder with a wicked hit in the face and Snyder proclaimed that he has been trying to get him back ever since.  If this amusing but out of place behind the scenes snippet isn’t enough, Gerard Butler also served up a Fassinating bit of information in an interview.  This may or may not be TMI, depending on your point of view.  Apparently, all the boys went out for some celebratory the night before the final day’s shooting.  Hey, you have 300 plus guys running around getting hot and sweaty for a movie, they have to let off steam somehow, I can respect that. Gerard Butler doesn’t drink, but buffly skinny Fass apparently drinks enough for both of them.  In that absolutely lovely and tearful beautiful death scene that Stelios had been so longing for, Michael Fassbender was so off his rocker he couldn’t shut up long enough to play dead. 

Rant: Why is there no blooper reel on these DVDs?! End rant.

Now, when I was first touched by these moving final moments for Leonidas and his boys, I thought, ‘Boy, I bet this guy wears contacts and was actually crying.  His eyes are really glassy.’ Honestly, I didn’t even know Michael Fassbender’s name until six months ago! I saw the old screen captures I had made again a few weeks ago and still thought, ‘Man, his eyes are really bloodshot here, powerful stuff.’ Well, now we know why, don’t we?  Even if it really does completely cheapen the story of the film and the Battle of Thermopylae to purely look at said Hot Spartan Stelios, you either really love Michael Fassbender or kind of hate him with that story.  I mean, he’s an actor having a good time; nobody else can get away with showing up to work that hung over.  And yet, he still gave a beautiful and bittersweet exclamation to 300.   Is Fassbender just that good at his profession?

Yes. And he can fly. 

 I’ve corrected the error of my ways, and in 2011, American audiences who were in the same ignorant boat will have at least four opportunities to see Michael Fassbender again on the big screen.  Despite his knack for completely changing his appearance and absorbing himself 110% into his roles, some smart and aware folks in the theater during Jane Eyre, Haywire, X-Men: First Class, or A Dangerous Method may very well blurt out, ‘Stelioooos!’ in their worst Big Gerry imitation- and rightfully so.  Others will just be so smitten and rush to Google The Fass on their supposedly off smart phones, see his filmography, and giggle, ‘OMG! That’s the same guy!’ Either way, I think Michael Fassbender is going to sell a lot of X-Men merchandise this year.

Although a clone in street clothes with a shield and spear like in the 300 behind the scenes features might be a nice purchase, too.  Better than a guard dog, to say the least.

(We'll be back to our proper, critical, insightful analysis next week!)

Summer Split Decisions

Summer Split Decisions

By Kristin Battestella

Some films you love without a doubt after numerous viewings.  Other shows you can’t get past the first fifteen minutes.  Unfortunately, what’s a viewer to do when torn between a movie’s good and ills?  Here are a few films both young and old on which I simply can’t decide!

The Bone Collector – Only Denzel Washington (Glory, Training Day) could deliver so fine a performance from a hospital bed.  The wonderful supporting cast- including Ed O’Neill (Married with Children), Queen Latifah (Chicago), and Luis Guzman (Carlito’s Way) - is great.  The spooky and grisly crimes from Jeffery Deaver’s source novel are intense.  Director Philip Noyce’s (Patriot Games) claustrophobic and dark camera angles juxtapose perfectly with the neat, upscale, and high tech remote technology.  Now then, I like Angelina Jolie (Girl Interrupted, Tomb Raider) I really do, especially in some of her earlier work such as this- but I don’t like her here.  She does well as a protégé cop with something to prove, but it’s as if Angie and Denzel are in too different movies.  Both have talent indeed, and they might even have chemistry should they work together again, but the pair is just too flat here.  You have to watch this one twice-once for the Denzel angle, and once for the Jolie feel. 

Highlander: Endgame – It’s the stuff of a Highlander fan’s dream: Connor MacLeod and Duncan MacLeod in one movie!  Despite the alternate establishments in the 92-98 television series, 2000’s Endgame has a decent enough storyline and plot to keep things plausible-unlike the useless 2007 sequel Highlander: The Source.  Bruce Payne (Passenger 57) and his villains are cool enough, main chick Lisa Barbusica (Bridget Jones’ Diary) is likeable, and of course, our immortals Christopher Lambert (Mortal Kombat) and Adrian Paul (Tracker) are wonderful.  However, something just isn’t right with Endgame.  I want to like it, honestly I do; but some of the more complex, multipart storylines of the series are better.  It also seems like no matter how hard they try- especially with alternate versions and special DVD cuts- all these movie sequels just aren’t as good as the original.  Completists will eat this one up, but casual fans are better off with the 1986 debut film or the series.  As it turns out, Connor and Duncan together is too good to be true.  After all, ‘There can be only one!’

The Legend of Hell House – Many consider this 1973 haunt fest a serious horror classic.  No doubt about it, the scares, kinky innuendo, terrifying house, psycho psychics, and ghostly dynamics are all here in fine form.  The filming and music is of its time yet still creepily shocking and askew today-maybe more so thanks to the now period looking styles.  Roddy McDowall (Planet of the Apes), Pamela Franklin (The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie), Clive Revill (Avanti!), and Gayle Hunnicutt (Dallas) are gothic perfection, too. Unfortunately, the weak, too tame and simply dumb ending here undoes all of author Richard Matheson’s legwork- it just isn’t as juicy as his source novel.  Of course, if made today, there would be so much sex, gore, twists, turns, and herky jerky bad camera work that no concept or story would make it in the film.  I know, I know, beggars can’t be choosers.

Public Enemies (2009) – I love Depression era music, movies, and styles; and once upon a time, I really liked Christian Bale.  Ergo then, one would assume I’d be in heaven with this gangster flick starring Bale (The Dark Knight) as FBI man Melvin Purvis and Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean) as bad boy John Dillinger.  Unfortunately, I didn’t even make it to the end here.  Halfway thru, I stopped caring if the 45-year-old Depp as 31-year-old Dillinger was misunderstood, and Bale was more boring than badass.  The costumes looked great, and the Chicago scenery was wonderful, but there wasn’t enough period tunes to really set the mood.  Too many liberties are taken, and Channing Tatum (G. I. Joe: Rise of Cobra) as Pretty Boy Floyd is only in Public Enemies for five minutes tops-what the big deal with him anyway?  I do, however, wish there had been more of David Wenham (Lord of the Rings) as Harry Pierpont.  The fine ensemble cast is lost amid the obviousness of Depp and Bale.  Pity. Now, it may be old, low budget, and not have nearly as many stars playing cops and robbers; but I actually prefer the 1996 Public Enemies with Theresa Russell as Ma Barker to this flashy caper.  Okay so Dan Cortese (Veronica’s Closet) is Melvin Purvis in that one.  Bale doesn’t really step it up, here, though, does he?  What’s next, Russell Crowe as Al Capone?

The Screaming Skull – I wanted to like this 1958 creeper, but the only risqué things here are some bullet bras and flimsy nightgowns.  There is an audience for this type of hokey old scare, but this one could have been a lot more serious or scary than the final result.  Instead, we resort to Rebecca imitations and the usual, cliché horror staples with lots of screaming and obvious double twists.  The music is also way too absurd and banshee-like, more like the stylings of a Halloween CD than a score.  Maybe I was just expecting too much?  I’m not surprised Mystery Science Theater 3000 had its hands on this one.

The Silver Chalice – Paul Newman is one of my favorite classic leading men.  I simply adore his staples The Hustler and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as well as some of his smaller pictures like The Young Philadelphians, The Long Hot Summer, and my favorite Hud.  However, one might not know of the longstanding Newman clout that is to come by taking in his debut here.  The semi-biblical production values are similar to other epics of the day, but director Victor Saville (I was a Spy) went for some sort of abstract or stage like designs that just look too SCA or half dressed theatre rehearsal to be a big movie.  The story, delivery, and dialogue also come across as slow and a little too hokey- especially in dealing with the apocryphal magician Simon Magus. The wonderful Jack Palance (Shane, City Slickers) has nothing but ham to do here.  I’m also not a big fan of Virginia Mayo (Captain Horatio Hornblower), having yet to been impressed with her in every show in which I’ve seen her.  Still, I suppose ladies who love the young and pretty Newman can fast forward through the faulty here-even if the man himself disowned this one!  

Twists of Terror – I stumbled upon this 1996 anthology film on cable several times and still can’t decide if I like it or not.  Some of the vignettes are well written, paced and developed fine, and have solid acting from Jennifer Rubin (The Crush) and Nick Mancuso (Mob Stories).  However, the twists come a little too early or are fairly predictable, and the paranoid scenario of crazy host Joseph Ziegler (Black Harbour) introducing us to each tale is just stupid.  For being a saucy cable film, I’d also expect more than the generic sex and gore-but then again, some of the ‘what you don’t see’ is done a-okay.  Am I torn or is this one that bipolar?

When in Rome (2010) – Despite a very likeable cast- including Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars), Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite), Anjelica Huston (The Addams Family), and Danny DeVito (Taxi)- I simply found nothing funny in the 2010 romantic European comedy.  Okay, there was one scene when the itty bitty car fit inside an elevator.  That was it!  I wanted to like the titular Italian charms, but the premise just falls too flat, leaving the cast with nothing much to do.  It almost feels as if director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil) and writers David Diamond and David Weissman (The Family Man) are knocking off this overdone Judd Apatow wave- but this one is gonna be for chicks! Supposedly the leading man, Josh Duhamel (Las Vegas) also seems like just another dude in the frat crop.  Sigh.

Actually, it seems my distaste for a few of these is more evident than I thought!  

Dust

Dust A Modern, Worthy Western

By Kristin Battestella

If I say my favorite character in The Lord of the Rings is Faramir, the answer I receive isn’t “Oh! I love him, too!” Or “I can’t believe they changed him from the book!” No it’s usually, “Who?” If Faramir is so under appreciated, what does that say for his actor? Beloved Australian actor David Wenham is so little known in the US, I’ve had to search long and hard online for Region 1 DVDs then wait weeks for them to arrive.

Such was the case with Dust. The 2001 western also starring Joseph Fiennes (Shakespeare in Love) was only $6 on Overstock. Cheap and I’ve always loved westerns! Besides, it looked good-and more importantly-was a Region 1 release. Three weeks later, when at last the DVD was out of the mailer and into my laptop, my first shock was that it wasn’t a tale of the Australian west. This is the American west, yet it takes place is contemporary New York City. Stay with me!

We open with Edge (Adrian Lester) a down on his luck hood who’s breaking into someone’s apartment. The crone inside (Rosemary Murphy) however is much more than Edge bargained for. The feisty old woman holds Edge at gunpoint and tells him a story. If Edge wants her wealth and hidden gold-he is going to listen to Angela’s tale of the old west. When cowboy brothers Luke (David Wenham) and Elijah (Joseph Fiennes) both fall for Lilith (Anne Brochet) trouble brews. Seeking thrill and adventure, Luke travels to Turkey and becomes a mercenary in the Ottoman War-ever trying to escape gospel sprouting Elijah.

Both storylines presented by director Milcho Manchevski (Before The Rain) seem simple and overplayed at face value. Young black guy and white old woman bond over feuding cowboy brother love story. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Strange it is, though, that these two types of stories are together in one film. The flashbacks, humor, and characters break the time and place divides between them, and the action moves seamlessly between events. It seems almost absurd to start, but once belief is suspended, you become invested in the characters. You simply must see how these stories conclude.

Naturally you can’t go along with people you don’t like. David Wenham’s Luke is the main character of the film, yet his dialogue is next to nothing. Strangely Joseph Fiennes is billed first even though he’s only a handful of critical scenes. In most cases, Crone’s narration speaks for them both. Occasionally annoying as narrators are, Angela’s voiceover here makes her own storyline better-and it saves us from Wenham’s odd American accent. He tries, but it’s somehow off; a mix between Southern, Texan, and set back one hundred years. Wenham, however, excels in facial expressions, and his non-vocal performance speaks more than most. Not just in looks and glares, but physically Wenham takes on the rough cowboy bumps and bruises and pains. You look at Luke and just know that had to hurt. Wenham’s heart and soul is onscreen, and regardless of what you’ve seen him in previously he is Luke here.

Pleasantly surprising in Dust is Adrian Lester (Hustle) as Edge. He excels beyond his witty dialogue and sarcastic remarks. I must admit I know nothing of him, but his banter with ‘Crone’-the nickname he gives Angela, the physical action and pain, he's a great tough guy mixed with despair. It’s not tough to see how the parallels between Edge and Luke come about. Both characters end up different from where they started. The relationships between Luke and Lilith and Edge and Angela do not take the traditional road. It’s odd that Dust was hyped as a western romance on the cover when in fact very little romance or Old West action takes place. Am I complaining? No.

One sore spot in Dust is Joseph Fiennes. His work prior in Shakespeare in Love and Enemy at the Gates has not impressed me, nor has he here. Where his real life brother Ralph Fiennes takes on varied roles and genres (The English Patient, Red Dragon, Harry Potter), Joseph seems to play the same one dimensional character over and over. Elijah is supposed to be a God fearing wronged husband with a vendetta against his brother, but we don’t see that in what little we see of him. With a different angle on the script from Manchveski, Dust could very well be Elijah’s movie. As it stands, Elijah is the very definition of a supporting character-merely reacting to Luke’s courses of action.

On the other hand, Dust’s small supporting cast does a fine job; The crooked cops chasing Edge, the Ottoman mercenaries and army leaders on both sides. They look the part. Anne Brochet is pretty run of the mill as Lilith, but Nikolina Kujaca’s portrayal of the pregnant guerilla wife Neda is beautiful, exotic, graceful, and poised.

Dust brings to light an obscure part of history for me. Truly, had I known the movie was more about the Ottoman wars, I might not have tuned in. The Old West scenes are standard and brief enough, but they serve their purpose. Where Dust really sells itself is in the contemporary New York abode of Edge and Angela. It’s odd to say, but the New York City captured in Dust no longer exists-the pre September 11^th city. Today we like to paint New York as a new and rebuilt, revitalizing the American Way! Dust, however, captures what many New Jersey folk like myself thought of New York pre 9/11; Dirty, dark, heinous violence and crime. Edge is every bit a child of his society, as Angela is hers. We want to see her pass the torch to him before it is too late. We want Edge-the violent offender in the film’s opening scene-to make it. The storylines come through and circle together. I suspect it’s where the title comes from; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. And hey, while I’m on a sappy note, Dust does offer a few handsome shots of the World Trade Center.

Dust’s European scenes were filmed on location, and Manchveski succeeds in setting up his exotic locales and foreign conflicts. The action is unfortunately a bit confusing sometimes. When we first meet our friends and foes in Turkey, it’s tough to tell who is who. Perhaps a few characterizations are not politically correct today, but it’s a movie dramatizing a specific time, and Edge’s commentary on the past events keeps things light hearted. Manchveski’s interview and behind the scenes features on the DVD also shed light on the story, characters, and locales; Seeing his thoughts and philosophies add to this unusual tale. Unfortunately, there’s not much else to supplement the DVD, but with a film such as Dust-where performance and story are more important than action-there isn’t much to add. Dust speaks for itself-no extras needed.

I’ve seen far more avant-garde films, but fans of the offbeat, period piece, or artsy film should pick up Dust at the first chance you can get. The violence and sexual situations are not meant for children, and guys looking for chicks won’t find them here. David Wenham fans have no doubt already discovered this movie, but for American audiences looking for a film with substance, Dust is a must see.

300: Two Disc Special Edition

300 Special Edition A Better DVD Experience
By Kristin Battestella

Well since my first review of 300 when it was fresh in the theaters garnered 11,000 hits at Fire Fox News, I thought it fitting to get my feelings on the DVD release down. Commercials are running everywhere for 300’s DVD release. Deluxe edition at Target. Trading cards at Best Buy! HD DVD and Bluray releases! After some research, I decided I wanted the feature laden Special Edition release. Casual fans are better off with the simple widescreen or (I cringe) full screen release. But comic enthusiasts and film collectors, I implore you to swing for the 300 Two Disc Special Edition Release.

In the theatre the action, effects, and score dominated the 300 experience. On my home viewing, however, I found 300 to be a much more somber and emotional piece. It’s still poetic yet violent visually, but the sacrifices and bravery of the Spartans is easier to appreciate without fan boys cheering. The humorous moments are still there, but there’s no theater laugh track. I can’t recall the last time a film had such ground breaking cinema stance and came along with a touching story. Now that my dad’s seen 300 he agrees. You can take 300 for all its cinematic glory and its of course entertaining, but the Battle of Thermopylae is also an incredible story that hasn’t gotten old in oh, two thousand plus years.

Along with Disc 1’s widescreen presentation of 300, a wonderful commentary can be selected. Zack Snyder and his creative team are inspiring the future filmmakers of America with this insightful analysis. I don’t normally pay attention to a DVD’s menus, but 300 just look really cool, and most have that great edgy music playing with them. Stand outs abound in the Special Edition’s second disc of features. The Fact or Fiction segment with Frank Miller and Zack Snyder is a short twenty five minutes, but this feature provides the pros and cons of history and the liberties taken for the film. Unlike The History Channel’s worthy but long winded and over re-enacted 300 special, here the feeling is kept light and fans more interested in the technical how tos will get a dose of history. A short follow up The Warriors of 300 gives further insights about Spartan life from the actors.

As an author myself I found the Frank Miller Tapes segment fascinating. He’s portrayed as a brilliant, loveable cookey fellow. I admit I was unfamiliar with Miller’s work before 300, but longtime fans will definitely eat this feature up. Miller and his comic book elders remind me of the nineties revival of comics and graphic novels, and their case for this return to a new kind of storytelling is quite the inspiration. The best part? All of it is subtitled for complete understanding.

There’s even more features that I haven’t even fully absorbed, including 12 webisodes with a play all option, behind the scenes and photo galleries. Unfortunately, my pre purchase motivation for this Special Edition was the deleted scenes, and they have come up short. Although they are introduced by Zack Snyder, these three deleted scenes are short and again provide the notion that deleted scenes are deleted for a reason. Maybe I’ve been spoiled on The Lord of the Rings Appendices, but no music features or outtakes appear, nor does it look like there are additional hidden eggs. And also, the previews and HD And Bluray commercials are a pain to jump over.

Indeed my only fear is that there’s more excitement to be had, and some other super duper ultimate expensive 300 DVD will appear. For now, however the Two Disc Special Edition of 300 is tough to beat.

If you must own 300 on DVD, pick up the Special Edition at your favorite retailer today.