Science Fiction Meets Comedy!

 

Science Fiction meets Comedy

by Kristin Battestella

From all out parody to quirkiness and cosmic puns, each of these retro, recent, or blockbuster science fiction tales provide an element of humorous entertainment.

Return of the Killer Tomatoes – It's tomato prohibition in this 1988 sequel to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes starring Anthony Starke (The Magnificent Seven), George Clooney (Michael Clayton), and John Astin (The Addams Family). Self-aware late night movie hosts almost air Big Breasted Girls Go to the Beach and Take Their Tops Off instead, adding then PG-13 saucy to the MST3King itself meta before it was meta. The secret word of the day is “the,” creating an impossible drinking game to match the preposterous Professor Gangreen mad science, lab experiments, tomato tests, and pizzas with some, umm, interesting topping combinations sans tomatoes. The younger generation rolls their eyes at elders treating The Great Tomato war as some St. Crispin's Day glory, flashbacks captioned as “New York City” have San Francisco trolley cars, and call ins ask why they keep showing scenes from the first movie. There are world domination plans to place plants from within the police right up to president, and bad special effects, red lights, green glows, a fuzzy friendly tomato, and a snake named Larry join the handsome assistant Igor. Reporters shame and berate witnesses on the air yet everyone wants to be on camera, and romantic interludes on the beach get ruined by a mime as the fourth wall is often broken thanks to tomato bootleggers, Valerian root powder, and inquires on if it's too late to have a movie chase. Let's yell “Tomato!” in a crowded restaurant and point at the “tomato lover” because tomatoes are evil – a good tomato is a squashed tomato! The within within life imitating art comes to a head with behind the scenes interruptions; they are out of money so the cast and crew are now incorporating product placement right down to the cereal box between the two shot conversation. Rednecks with beer, ninjas in black fighting cowboys in white hats, and “Vigilance is the Price of Freedom. Report any suspicious vegetable activity.” Uncle Sam posters escalate to luxury construction at the toxic waste dump, prison escapes for golfing White House aides, Soylent Green homages, and an interactive Frankenstein. Once the stars ask if they have enough money to finish this turkey, the product placement begats celebrity spoofs, music knockoffs, and killer countdowns with a scoreboard and referee. Fortunately, a page from the script is handy to write a note on asking for help and shootouts result in ketchup. Layered dialogue and visual gags send up everything possible in every scene, requiring multiple viewings for all the laugh at its corny self in on the joke ridiculous. While certainly endearing for those who loved this then, today this remains an enjoyable eighties comedy that's surprisingly intelligent and ahead of its time.

Space Station 76 – Patrick Wilson (Bone Tomahawk), Liv Tyler (Lord of the Rings), Matt Bomer (White Collar), and more are all aboard for this 2014 retro futuristic seventies wink, and we immediately feel the groovy thanks to the deliberately old fashioned space shuttles, colorful special effects, bright white corridors, and spinning station design. Rather than psychedelic in your face weird, the flashing lights, lasers, and saucy visions are pleasing to today's HD eye. Vintage panels, knobs, analog gizmos, mid century plastics, viewfinders, cigarettes, ash trays, wild wallpaper, and roller skates accent the rec room luaus and awkward cafeterias as the interconnected relationships, hidden sexuality, and affairs leave plenty of foots in people's mouths. Between the undefined jobs the crew does poorly, bored housewives, lingering hippie mentalities, waterbeds, and confined interiors a lot can happen. Our incoming career oriented female officer doesn't fit in and can see the going through the motions situations. There are children on board, however the vain and manipulative parents are more interested in Valium, porn magazines, and robots because it's easier to interact with machinery and automation than build healthy relationships. Some remember growing up on earth and doing things for oneself versus space-bound reliance, but the should be idyllic futuristic bliss only creates an inability to cope. One can't even kill himself by dropping the retro radio into the bathtub because the system corrects the overloaded circuits. Naturalistic conversations provide annoyed, off the cuff sardonic socializing attempts while subtle humor – like using the arboretum to grow pot and a robotic hand getting stuck gripping a boob – alleviates any potential tenderness. The ironic, feel good classic soundtrack matches anti-gravity moments enjoying the space faring circumstances, but arguments and lies lead to contrived Christmas parties, stranded consequences, and embarrassing secrets. They are stuck with where and who they are, and somehow have to make the best of it. Although this might have been interesting as a series, the refreshing R zany but not laugh out loud doesn't overstay its welcome. I'm surprised this movie isn't more popular, as other comedy science fiction shows are full blown sends ups, but here the quirky framework anchors serious, well done characterizations. Rather than making fun of the era, the kitschy innuendo helps create a façade for the interpersonal issues, jobs over emotions, and loneliness. This is a touching little film with bemusing nostalgia and social commentary, but labeling this a comedy isn't quite fair once the drama hits too close to home, for we too have technology replacing human interaction and it is far from perfect.

Thor: Ragnarok – Taika Waititi (What We Do in the Shadows) directs the titular Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston (Only Lovers Left Alive), and Tessa Thompson (Westworld) in this 2017 Marvel sequel exploding with eighties sci-fi homage, edgy rock tunes, retro video tours, Willy Wonka notes, flashy colors, and intergalactic flair. Unlike the morose fantasy of Thor: The Dark World; industrial trash, damaged spaceships, and beer are rough and wild – matching the caged and chained Thor as he waxes on his heroic status, the new lack thereof, fiery attacks, and lightning displays. Asgard is in peril, but dramatic choirs and rewritten odes starring Matt Damon (Interstellar) and the delightful Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal) as Loki pretending to be Odin lead to Norway goodbyes, somber conversations, and family regrets. Thanks to trailer giveaways and obvious foreshadowing, there aren't many surprises, but the locales proceed quest-style with friends or enemies along the way including Benedict Cumberbatch's (Sherlock) Doctor Strange and the scene chewing Cate Blanchett (Elizabeth) as the unleashed Hela, Goddess of Death. Visual tricks, sight gags, and umbrella disguises accent the superhero send up as Thor is dragged by his cape and put in his place. Mark Ruffalo's (The Normal Heart) gladiator Hulk and the campy Grandmaster Jeff Goldblum (Independence Day) add personal banter, self-aware charm, and even flirtatiousness thanks to hot tubs and green butt shots. The battle action CGI can be busy, herky jerky messy where you can't see anything, however unique Valkyrie flashbacks, mystical elements, and slow motion superhero cool moments set off the hidden Asgard history, giant wolves, and undead lairs. Unfortunately, it gets a little old when there's a quip, humorous aside, and lighthearted tension breaker interrupting every serious scene. Asgardians are literally being butchered while we're being told to laugh with distracting, gif-able wisecracks. This uneven back and forth between the violence and the refreshing reboot undercuts Hela's threats – leaving us to wonder if we even need the eponymous destruction when this could just be about The Revengers and their baggage escaping Sakaar, cool cool. After spending most of the time here mocking the previous Thor films, the end heroics are ironically played straight and the characters remain more important than the action. While the irreverent attitudes and flippant comedy in the wrong places could have chilled, this doesn't follow typical Marvel patterns. Thor needed to change it up, and the entertainment moves fast for fans as well as viewers looking for something different.

For some ~ serious science fiction discussion ~ also consider two Great Courses programs How Science Shapes Science Fiction and How Great Science Fiction Works. I was too busy paying attention and didn't take notes!

A Bonus Tom Hiddleston Trio

A Bonus Tom Hiddleston Trio

by Kristin Battestella

Call me crazy, but I prefer actor Tom Hiddleston's non-comic book fare to his work in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Gasp! Here's a batch of pictures for your Loki perusal – ranging from a little bit of Hiddy to a whole lot of Hiddy, depending on your dramatic or superhero mood. 

 

Archipelago – Writer and director Joanna Hogg's (Unrelated) 2010 second film featuring Hiddleston will be too dry and too slow to many. This is a very British, very white tale of rich people on vacation who have problems. Fortunately, young Thomas with the windswept noodle hair once again does daddy issues like nobody's business. His Edward is at a quarter life crossroads but his father is absent for this island last hurrah. Birds are chirping, beautiful waves are crashing – the Tresco, Scilly locations should be idyllic but the dirt roads are around the bend unknowns and the blustery coastal freedom contrasts the silent, congested interiors. Mother and sister mention childhood memories of this same getaway, but the isolated rental house is a beige slate drenched in uncomfortable awkwardness. Our tall son hits his head on the attic eaves rather than say the room is literally too small, and siblings bypass one another without acknowledgment. Wine is at the ready, everyone talks over each other about food or the weather, nothing that should be said is, and nobody means what they say. Bleeding heart Edward wants input on his forthcoming AIDS charity endeavor, but his white savior righteousness is misplaced – it isn't about the cause, just his need to do something meaningful. Nobody agrees much less cares what's going on with anyone else because they are too into their own issues and have no idea what they are doing with their lives. Let's talk about the most humane way to boil the lobster instead, yeah! Their chef can speak of her late father, but the family can't mention their absentee dad, preferring to waste an entire conversation on where to sit in an empty restaurant and complain about the food. Whether she morally agrees with the cuisine or not, their chef has a messy hands on job to do. Do you treat her as the help or include her? It's easier for Edward to flirt than converse with his mother and sister, who said his girlfriend couldn't come on this so-called family only escapade. The camera stays still in the common areas as people just shout from another room, interesting blocking that allows the audience to observe while mirroring the confined but disconnected. Maybe long ago the whole family could stay here, but now their dynamics have outgrown and suffocated any nostalgia. Small mundane moments reveal their solitude and boredom – four people can sit in a room and say nothing, remaining formal even with family. The ladies' local painting instructor isn't blood either, but his wisdoms relate to more than the canvas. Painting takes training and particular tools to perfectly capture the environs yet gives such emotion and free form expression if you let it – unlike dad's argumentative, one sided phone calls. Casting a real life painter to paint the landscape within the movie also adds a life imitating art meta even as the camera remains an arms length witness. Only one real conversation is framed in the traditional two person edit and the few close ups include one embarrassed mother and her son walking into a medium shot when his toughness on following his passion is questioned. Most of us must take our lives as is and like it no sabbatical in sight, and it's ob-la-di for the locals whether these rich guests eat pheasants, hug, and get over it or not. Nothing much happens here, there's no real plot to speak of, and those looking for stylish filming will find this plain. Some symbolism is too obvious, and the story could be sharper. We want to know how it got to this or what happens next, but they go on and so shall we, answers or not. The natural constructs create a raw and realistic nuclear social study where nothing is settled – a refreshingly frank change from the polished and trite family happiness so often seen onscreen. 



 Midnight in Paris – I am not a Woody Allen fan, and I was surprised to see this lighthearted 2011 tale won Best Original Screenplay amid other awards acclaim. A mid life crisis writer learning today is better than a glorified past is a pretty straightforward lesson, and Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers) is both himself and a bumbling Allen placeholder. Ladies Lea Seydoux (Spectre) and Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) are rival younger women ideals while Rachel McAdams (The Notebook) is a typical bridezilla. The terrible in-laws, adultery, detective, and hotel slapstick are unneeded as are uneven annoyances in the present and scenes away from the protagonist. The trying to be natural, on the move conversations through the amazing Franco tours feel like snobby set pieces with forced intellectual comedy. Yes, they are supposed to be mocking nostalgia shops, but why can't they just say antique store like the rest of us? This is an adult fantasy rather than Bill and Ted, but the plot is too obvious in being for audiences of a certain age who want to see the sentimental novelty – which goes directly against the moral of living in the now rather than a rose colored past, toeing the saccharin line with each I see what you did there excursion. Ironically, it's the stellar cast including T. Hiddy as F. Scott Fitzgerald to Alison Pill's (The Newsroom) Zelda, Corey Stoll (The Strain) as Ernest Hemingway, Kathy Bates (American Horror Story) as Gertrude Stein, and yet more famous intelligentsia that make the eponymous period segments the best parts of the show. The divine past patina, Parisian locales, scenic snapshots, vintage cars, and quality jazz are worth the artistic nominations, yet the film seems caught in a pretentious embarrassment of riches over whether the past or present is its star. Let's “Vogue” as many famous people as possible and see how many the audience knows! The punchlines and excellent one-on-one past wisdoms are strengthened by the actors' deliveries, yet more time is wasted on fictitious muses. How is Gertrude Stein a major character but Alice B. Toklas merely opens the door to their salon? Why does it take the aptly named Pender so long to realize what he needed was right – or should I say write there all along? While the fantastic travel simply is and there's no overt technology, our writer never has his novel in progress handy, doesn't carry a pen and paper, and is never seen actually doing any writing. Should he have been alone, drinking, dozing, and doubting if these escapades really happened or if that question matters? Why not spend one vivid night in the past with present bookends instead of meandering between who's who vignettes? This ninety minutes comes off as both stretched overlong and yadda yadda yadda glossing over what actually makes it interesting, losing steam despite some pleasant twists and unexpected moments. Though refreshing to mature viewers with comfortable familiarity compared to busy blockbusters, the superficial, flawed structure largely gets by on the novelty of the historical big names and the impressive actors filling their shoes. Can Hiddleston please play Fitzgerald again in a full on biopic ASAP?

Thor – Kenneth Branagh directs this pre-Disney 2011 Marvel escapade with the titular Chris Hemsworth, Our Man Hiddleston as the mischievous Loki, and Anthony Hopkins as Odin leading a fine saga ensemble including Stellan Skarsgard, Idris Elba, Rene Russo, and more. Back then this was a new cinema property, so the need for humorous fish out of water plots tied to contemporary earth is understandable despite the earthly shoehorn's distraction from the out of this world Asgard. Opening crashes and New Mexico comedy with Mary Sue perspectives are unnecessary, and the mostly telling rather than showing prologue may seem too easy along with dated CGI panoramic zooms, busy for the sake of being cool action, and small scale Asgard interiors. I wish Thor wore his helmet more, too, for the little girl in Adventures in Babysitting was happier to wear hers. Fortunately, there are fun costumes, a heroic score, a sweet Rainbow Bridge, and great galactic visuals creating a recognizable space fantasy without placing the spectacle over the frosty enemies, precious relics, and traitors in the House of Odin – unlike many recent blockbusters putting style over substance. These characters also change as Thor learns how to be a hero and Loki becomes a scene stealing villain. No, this isn't really “Loki: Brother of Thor” as some spiffy fan re-edits claim, but the deleted scenes should have been kept for even more sibling rivalry. The Destroyer showdowns match Loki's petty deceptions and tears real or crocodile as well as the side eye, face palm, and “TELL ME!” that launched a thousand GIFs. It's easy to forgive superhero movies as popcorn fun that aren't supposed to be Shakespeare, but Branagh layers the drama with subtle details well paced with action set pieces to heighten each act. This indeed elevates Thor with an extra touch of Bard – unlike the phoned in fan service and tedious interconnections that would otherwise allow Thor: The Dark World to be ignored. Subsequent appearances also reset Thor's lessons learned, leaving his solo movies feeling like they are about everything but what happens to Thor. Thankfully, references to Stark, Fury, and SHIELD are implied pleasantries here – fun moments to audiences in the know rather than a booked through 2020 requirement to consume every single thing in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. That's what irked me about the nineties comic book boom/fallout and still annoys me greatly about the MCU now. With the family friendly parable, brotherly angst, unexpected twists, and great explosions, this Asgard debut doesn't fall into that mind numbing, all comic book movies are the same trap. There are choices to be made for good or ill, a relatable villain, and time for reflection before and after the wild finale. Despite not going full on Asgard, overall this trusts its fantasy and likable characters, keeping this picture fun for repeat viewings. That RadioShack joke, though, ten years from now no one will get that o_O

You Make the Call

I Saw the Light – This 2015 Hank Williams biography is very disjointed, fading in and out from scene to scene with no narrative flow. It's tough to tell which moments are significant or mere transitions, for some vignettes feel shown just because they might have really happened but serve no other purpose in the film. I wasn't flicking away during commercials yet took two and half viewings to assure I hadn't missed anything – save for the half of the picture apparently on the cutting room floor. The artistic spotlights, silhouette schemes, and larger than life stature angles on the man as myth should have been used more alongside the vintage reels, home movie patinas, and black and white interchanges with manager Bradley Whitford (The West Wing) to anchor each chapter instead of the piecemeal time stamps. It's not in media res when you skip half the man's life with little rhyme or reason as to why. Although this is such a rich post-war era with deep Southern culture and lively tunes, there's little flavor here as recording session snippets, a verse or two on stage, mentions of “Jambalaya” being number one, and only two full-ish Opry performances don't make up for this ironic lack of songs. Imagine if King Creole skipped the club scene performances and just referred to them instead! The patchwork writing, directing, and editing seem like there's nothing much to tell – Hank wrote songs, loved his mother, women, and booze but not pain, then he died. Unfortunately, mother Cherry Jones (24) deserves more, and baby mama Wrenn Schmidt (Preservation) and second wife Maddie Hasson (Twisted) are treated insignificantly with a handful of deleted scenes still not nearly enough time. It's also tough to assess Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene) – sometimes fittingly forties and other times a modern girl playing dress up – as the unlikable first wife who can't sing, which isn't an easy thing to do. The Luke the Drifter scene is also confusing if you don't know about the pseudonym, and The Drifting Cowboys musicians are a compulsory who is who. Maybe its cliché to have a fictional composite band member/driver as an audience avatar losing his rose colored glasses of Hank, but we need more than this detached, arms length approach. And I say that as someone who isn't really a Hank Williams fan thanks to my Alabama grandmother's ironic use of his lyrics for insults, i.e. “Hey, Good Lookin'” when at your worst. The sad part here is that Tom Hiddleston gives a fine performance. He fits the period hats, suits, and flashy fringe by changing his entire physicality to match the dialect and singing. One would not know he is a British RADA graduate here, yet the plot doesn't give him much to do nor does the camera stay still to make the most of his onscreen zing. He obviously put a huge effort into becoming Hank Williams, and this movie is really only worth watching for his transformation.

 

Give and Take 5 Year Old Horror

Give and Take Five Year Old Horror

by Kristin Battestella

How do we rate the horror movie potluck from half a decade ago or thereabouts? Give or take a year or two for this mix of scares post-noughties – ranging from a fine vintage and not bads to the downright frigid. 

 

Great!

Midnight Son – An aversion to sunlight, skin conditions, and the need for human blood make for a deadly quarter life crisis in this 2011 indie gem from Scott Leberecht (Life After Pi). There's not much dialogue early – and the DVD has deleted scenes, interviews, and commentaries but no subtitles – yet the visual storytelling doesn't need anything uber talkative. Interesting schemes denote the false night time light with yellow lamps, neon accents, string bulbs, blue kitchen designs, and choice reds as the doctor diagnoses anemia, jaundice, and malnourishment. Rare steak isn't doing the trick, but the sight of blood on a bandage at the ho hum night security job gets the heart racing for something tasty. Early Google research moments get out of the way in favor of painting memories of the sun, solitary vampire movie watching, checking for fangs, testing for a reaction to crosses, and having a laugh at the clichés. Loneliness, street peddlers, deadbeats, and debt – life's already down on its luck so what's a little vampirism? The vampire vis-a-vis for drug use and life sucks may be trite today, but this allegory has an older, working protagonist stopping in the corner butcher for some blood by the pint to hide in his coffee cup. Companionship and fantastic possibilities can be found in unlikely places, and it's neat to see just how many things a basement dwelling vampire can really do at night. Although I like his bed with the blackout curtains, this is a potential turned bleak world – the natural awkwardness is understandable and casually realistic. Jacob's smart, talented, and just hampered by his...health problems...and an ER opportunist is willing to trade blood for a price. Rather than shock horror exploitative, we have an intimate, invested view for the increasing slurps, bloody makeouts, and desperateness. Quick camera flashes leave room for suggestion as bodily changes, night vision, infections, and love bites interfere with potential relationships, murder investigations, gallery possibilities, and you know, trying to get somewhere in life. Can you be a good and normal vampire or is amoral violence the only answer? Though plain to some with nothing super unexpected, the simple constructs echo the mature progression, honest drama, and self-aware focus without the need for horror spectacle. This is a fine story with a small but well rounded, multi-ethnic cast, and it's one of the best same writer/director pictures I've seen in a very long while.

Decents

The Cabin in the Woods – Bradley Whitford (The West Wing), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), and more recognizable faces anchor this 2012 horror satire written and produced by Joss Whedon. Droll corporations and mysterious technological surveillance parallels the intentionally cliché coeds off to a lakeside weekend – the blonde, a jock, a virgin, the fifth wheel jester filled with zany pot wisdoms. Naturally, the GPS goes haywire amid retro Rving, backwoods confrontations, throwback tropes, and nods to old school slashers. The hokey isn't meant to be taken seriously, but eerie mountain tunnels and hidden systemworks add suspicion. Though at times cryptic for cryptic's sake, it's pleasing to have the experiment aspects up front – trick paintings, double mirrors, camera observations, and a cabin that's bigger on the inside than outside. Useless scenes, comedic quips, and windblown characters that delay rather than inform are annoying, and the attempted Buffy for the big screen tone is apparent with social commentary and upending the genre expectations. Ironically, these Initiative knockoffs never feel urgent or dramatic. Some viewers may wish this was either straight horror or totally from the scientific parody perspective. The global fright-creating branches are often more interesting than the typical teens disregarding warnings to not read Latin aloud amid zombies, free for all monsters, fun house mayhem, and meta on meta horror that plays into stereotypical scares just as much as it lampoons them. Fortunately, a self aware attitude adds intrigue – despite being up to something sinister, the technicians cast bemusing bets and celebrate their wins over predictable spooky cellars, creepy antiques, fanatical pasts, and ominous diaries. Occult prayers, bloody rituals, and creative set piece kills accent the inevitable price to be paid. While slow to start for longtime horror viewers, often silly or derivative, and uneven in its multi-layered execution, the familiar ensemble has a good time with this spooky puzzle. Youthful audiences tired of the same old scary movie banal or casual, horror lite fans can enjoy the uniqueness here. 

 

You're Next – This 2011 slasher opens with an awkward sex scene and unnecessary nudity followed by not one, but two obligatory driving to the horror scenes. Loud boo shocks, false jumps, and jarring eighties crescendos detract from the subtle scares, creaky doors, and awkward family ominous. Likewise, the slow motion calls attention to itself amid shaky camerawork and hectic interference that needlessly deters from the increasing horrors and budding family drama. Screaming, shouts, and too many lookalike people add to the confusion, and the silent stalking, animal masked attackers, and mournful stillness is much more terrifying. Despite passé cameras, flip phones with no signal, and wow a multi-disc CD changer, the isolated Tudor home makes for a wonderfully uncomfortable setting for this trapped reunion of older protagonists and quirky characters arguing about who's the stupider shit amid major blood, chopping machetes, flying arrows, shattered windows, and slit throats. Good thing one girlfriend grew up in a survivalist commune! Most of the sardonic humor works – a guy spends half the movie with an arrow stuck in his back, no big – but a few quips deflate the scares at the wrong time. While hysterics in crisis are understandable, stupid horror movie mistakes, separations, and not checking everything or everyone weigh down the already predictable greed, bored millennial games, and talkative reveals that remove some of the hard fought menace. In addition to the busy camera and unpolished script, at times this masked assailants leaving messages for a kick ass heroine slasher siege plot feels uneven and déjá vu derivative. Fortunately, the one by one suspense, creepy masks, assorted imaginative kills, and gruesome kitchen tool uses create quality gore moments. Throwback touches accent the self-aware, satirical undercurrent, and a coming clean finale wraps up the wild aftermath and befitting horror irony.

Skipper!

Frozen – Not that one! Before there was Frozen, there was this 2010 ski resort escapade – which my husband said I probably wouldn't like. Indeed there's a lot going against this with obnoxious music, jerky attitudes, ski lift scams, a boyfriend proud to make his girl flirt to their advantage, and his jealous third wheel BFF. Playing in the snow, can't ski montages, and kiddie mountain safety contribute to the trio's awkwardness and lame arguing over skis or snowboards and cigarettes versus pot. The terrible slice of life dialogue and hollow conversation on the worst ways to die includes favorite cereals, Jaws, and Star Wars, because of course. Naturally, nobody goes skiing with their expensive phones, and nightfall and weather warnings are ignored so these yuppies can sneak passed quitting operators for one more huzzah. The mechanical creepy and equipment problems are ominous enough thanks to beautiful mountain snowscapes, bleak aerial photography, and up close overhead shots of dangerous gears, blades, and wires. Goggles, hats, and hoods invoke the brisk practical designs and chilly Utah locales while the lights out, howling winds, sleet, and thundersnow spell peril. Unfortunately, immature finger pointing and a going through the motions tone hamper the intriguing premise of being stuck on a ski lift for a week. Decoy snow truck rescues come too soon amid OMG boys admitting they are scared and people peeing themselves. The idea of jumping down is interesting, and frostbite, frozen appendages, critical gloves, and dropped gear are eventually addressed. However, the irony of breaking off an icicle to drink is never mentioned, nobody's butt ever gets numb, and the danger is not as intense as it should be due to increasingly unrealistic turns. Though quality, painful screams and injury gore can't overcome improbable wolf suspense and the stupidity of jumping legs first into an iced nighttime snowbank. You can't use a snowboard to set a broken leg? Why didn't they initially use their gear to zipline back down the lift instead of waiting to go by hand after its frozen? A big deal is made of smoking and matches to start but no one considers starting a signal fire? Can they still sue if they bribed the operator and were never really supposed to be there in the first place? Several intense moments can't save this not very well thought out script – another pair of eyes to point out the unbelievable errors or a stronger cast could have made the chill zing. I would rather have had the bleak silence and the realism of not seeing the actors' faces if it meant they actually zipped their hoods up all the way. Ultimately, the audience is given no reason to care and what should be a thrilling horror drama is more like a parable on how not to be a hipster skiing ass.

Slasher Films and Nostalgia Pieces

Slasher Mayhem and Feeling Nostalgia Flicks

By Kristin Battestella

Yes, we’re not talking total Oscar worthy material. Yet we’re still watching some of these seventies and eighties umpteenth slasher sequels, pseudo period pieces, vamps, and teeny horror romps. Here are a few old but decent pictures for a fun horror movie marathon and a few recent bad ones for a drinking game.

Must See

Jaws – Okay, if you’ve seen the Mythbusters episode where they spoil and disprove some of the theatrics in this 1975 Steven Spielberg thriller, you probably won’t be scared here.  Likewise, every horror film since has copied and used a lot of the camera scares and startling set ups.  However, Roy Schneider (SeaQuest), Robert Shaw (From Russia with Love) and Richard Dreyfuss (Close Encounters of the Third Kind) are serious, emotional, and crazy great all around.  The shark still looks dang dynamite, and the deadly seascapes cast the perfect fear, seventies mood, and explosive atmosphere.  It’s all here.  Though inferior, not as well directed, and focused more on teens in peril, Jaws 2 is an entertaining creature feature follow-up as well. 

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy – This 4-hour retrospective documentary gives you everyfrickinthing you ever wanted to know about the Nightmare on Elm Street series, and it is glorious! The good, the bad, and the ugly of every film in the franchise has their time in the spotlight with frank talk from creator Wes Craven, stars Robert Englund and Heather Langenkamp, producer Bob Shaye, and more.  Of course, Johnny Depp and Patricia Arquette are too big for memories on Elm Street, but that’s a small hiccup for this otherwise fine behind the scenes treat. 

Play Misty for Me – While not horror per se, this 1971 thriller directed by star Clint Eastwood (Unforgiven, Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River) was Fatal Attraction before Fatal even dreamt of dead rabbits. The idyllic Monterey scenery mixes wonderfully with the creepy retro vibes, haunting ‘Misty’ music and possessive radio caller Jessica Walter (Arrested Development).  The killer ending sequence still has some moments to make you jump.  Eastwood keeps things mature, intelligent, and oh so smooth for innocent Donna Mills (Knots Landing), too.  I have to say, however, I hate Roberta Flack’s overblown and long-winded ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’! Finish the sentence already, lady!

Not Classics, but worthy

Cat’s Eye – I used to love this 1985 spooky and bizarre Stephen King trilogy as a kid.  James Woods (Once Upon A Time in America, John Carpenter’s Vampires), Drew Barrymore (Never Been Kissed, Charlie’s Angels), Robert Hays (Airplane!) and that cute but pesky cat capture the story and suspense wonderfully.  However, some of the effects here are a little too dated, silly, and small scale.  What used to be so scary then is now merely ironic and just a little too unintentionally comical.  Then again, the troll can still seriously scare the youngins, so if you’re into that, go for it!

Friday the 13^th Part 3 – Jason gets the mask, people! In light of all our new fancy 3D technology, the primitive 3D hijinks here are amusing and add a few more fun startling moments.  This installment, however, is actually kind of tame in the sex and nudity department, even if the gore and deaths are juicy.  Otherwise, this 1982 sequel continues the same old never-ending cycle of stupid teens.  And what does it take to kill Jason my goodness?!  The series gets a little silly from here on out.

A Perfected Getaway – Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) and Steve Zahn (Joyride) are relatively big names for just any old spooky thriller. Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood) is a little too Billy Zane-esque and Chris Hemsworth (CASH) is too obviously creepy.  Thankfully, this focus on the cast and not gore keeps the intelligence and entertainment a little better than usual.  Director David Twohy (Pitch Black) plays with visuals, editing, and cuts in a nice attempt to twist the viewer on his ear, but can you really fool any audience today? I have to say with a careful viewing, you can see the supposed big twist coming. There’s too much internal talk of movies and red herrings, deflections, suggestions, and twists. Hint hint we get it.  Of course, we always have cell phones and reception issues in the plot nowadays and after awhile that’s just annoying, too.  The Hawaiian scenery, however, is worth all ills and a repeat viewing is nice to piece the puzzle together. 

Sometimes They Come Back – No one notices sixties styled greaser ghosts are transferring into the local high school?  Some parts from this 1991 Stephen King TV movie are a little preposterous and unbelievable- let’s admit it.  If you put those viewer leaps aside, both the early nineties and hot rod nostalgic storylines are a lot of fun.  Tim Matheson (Animal House, A Very Brady Sequel) largely handles the film on his own, and his slow breakdown and emotional upheavals are delightful to watch- again even if some of it is a little far fetched. Director Tom McLoughlin (Date with an Angel) captures the innocence of a childhood lost with the disturbing paranormal at hand.  I don’t know how they came up with the ridiculously titled sequels though.  Sometimes They Come Back….Again and Sometimes They Come Back… for More- how old are we, really?

Vampires: Los Muertos – No, it’s not the original and it should have been called Bon Jovi, Vampire Hunter.  Having said that, this 2002 sequel to John Carpenter’s Vampires written and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace (Halloween III: Season of the Witch) is close to a okay. The story and western action aren’t the problem, but the dialogue is somewhat weak and the supporting cast is less than stellar.   Natasha Gregson Wagner (The 4400) and Cristian de la Fuenta (What did this guy do to be on Dancing with the Stars?) are 110% wooden, and Arly Jover (Blade) as lead vamp Una wasn’t as alluring as expected, either. Jon Bon Jovi (Moonlight and Valentino) isn’t a stellar actor either, but he’s pretty cool as a badass vampire hunter for hire, who knew?

Avoid like the plague

Friday the 13^th Part 4 – Final chapter my foot! This 1984 sequel has lots more nudity than its immediate predecessor does, and the cast is stronger than usual. Sadly, Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys) and Crispin Glover (Back to the Future) can’t save this one from the same old same old that’s by this point is getting really old in this franchise. How many times will a sequel begin immediately after the last one only to have another group of boobilicious teens return to Crystal Lake?   The deaths in this installment aren’t as creative either, and again how many times can the dead Jason not really die?

Shutter Island – Perhaps I’m the only person on the planet who didn’t like this Martin Scorsese (Raging Bull, Goodfellas, The Departed) and Leonardo DeCaprio (Titanic) psychological yarn.  The performances, fifties styles, isolating island atmosphere, latent political commentary, and World War II trauma are all wonderful.  These stylized visuals are however, merely entertaining filler. There’s no intelligence here- everything is obvious from the beginning.  From the band-aid on Leo’s forehead to the dreamlike jump cuts and distorted filming angles- we don’t need a long two and a half hours for the weak ending to tell us what we already know.  I’m tired of watching films like this where the protagonist is not so subtlety our unreliable narrator and I don’t think one needs a second viewing to fill in all the blanks here. Though it’s different in many respects, the entire time I kept thinking, ‘Memento did it better.’

 

CA$H

CA$H Juicy, Dark, and Fun

By Kristin Battestella

Well, I was supposed to go to Home Depot last weekend and buy plants for my garden, but I ended up at the movie theater next door instead. When I saw my local Regal was showing the limited released Sean Bean money fest CA$H, well then I just had to take a little detour on the tomatoes. 

Chicago couple Sam (Chris Hensworth) and Leslie (Victoria Profeta) Phelan think fortune has smiled upon them when a suitcase filled with over a half a million dollars literally lands on their station wagon. They pay off their mortgage, buy a Range Rover, and get new furniture-life looks like it’s on the up! Unfortunately, Reese Kubic (Sean Bean) wants his money back. He had to ditch the loot before being arrested by the police, and now the jailed Reese calls in his twin brother Pyke (also Bean) to find the Phelans. Once Pyke finds Sam and Leslie, the obsessively stylized criminal banker isn’t content with what’s in the suitcase. Pyke insists they replace the money that was spent, forcing the once kosher couple into a dangerous life of crime.

Some promotions and trailers are all fast desensitizing blurs of action and effects. CA$H’s trailer, however, actually accurately represents writer and director Stephen Milburn Anderson’s (Dead Man Can’t Dance, South Central) analysis of greed and corruption. Though it’s labeled as a gritty American thriller-which CA$H indeed is- I found the script to be very witty. I dare say this film is meant as a black comedy, satirizing America’s obsession with wealth along with our recent financial dire straights. We are a rich country that’s somehow made up of poor people just trying to make their next payment. We on one hand have the money to be okay for the most part, but we can never seem to have enough of that titular cash, either. Anderson’s script and direction style helps CA$H tell it like it is. Sometimes you can’t help but laugh at the irony of greed and the things we do for money. The script doesn’t shy away from what needs to be said. Anderson makes not only a commentary on money, but also class and race relations and corruption high and low. It’s a serious, well-handled analysis, and yet I found myself chuckling and smiling through some of the sarcasm and perfectly nailed wit. It’s a clever way to disguise such dark material with dry, memorable humor.

No, I probably wouldn’t have gone to the theater to see CA$H if Sean Bean (Sharpe, Lord of the Rings, Patriot Games) wasn’t in it. However, if this film earns a nationwide release, American audiences might finally understand why there are such massive Bean followings overseas. It is a little gimmicky that Bean is playing twins, as the imprisoned brother Reese has little to do other than bookend the film by establishing the scenario. It’s somewhat odd that they would go to so much trouble to mullet and tattoo Bean up for only three scenes, but Reese’s contribution to the way things unfold is as critical as it is bemusing. The shaggy hairstyle Bean sports as Pyke also seems a little out of place-such a seriously meticulous and well kempt guy would surely have a more cropped cut. However, the need for Pyke to slick his hair and straighten his tie after some violence is a fine character tick. The attention to Pyke’s style is a great ironic reflection on how appearances can be so deceiving. As Lord of the Rings says, Pyke does look fair and feel fouler. He does yoga, never seems to sleep, is a genius with numbers, and has a thing about drinking directly from the sink tap before roughing someone up. Pyke’s expensive suits and confident style further stress that he’s really a latent sociopath. Would a normal person who could walk away with over a half a million dollars stay and insist on the retrieval of a measly $75,000? The swanky score and suave pop tunes also add a classic edge to Pyke and CA$H itself. We know something badass is about to go down when the lyrics elude it, and likewise the brassy ensembles set the mood when something sexy is onscreen. I was surprised at several mentions of this being Sean Bean’s first lead, but in many ways CA$H is his long overdue American coming out party. His slick dominating presence drives the entire film and pushes all the right buttons onscreen and off. This may even be Sean Bean’s best performance since Lord of the Rings. CA$H proves he’s worth much more than five minutes of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief or broad baddies like National Treasure and crap like Crusoe. It’s about ^(&*%#@ time!

I have to say, at first glance to me a lot of these young blonde and buff actors look the same. I tend to confuse the upcoming Thor actor Chris Hemsworth with his Star Trek son Chris Pine and Channing Tatum from that God-awful G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra. After CA$H, however, I’ll probably remember Hemsworth can act. His Sam begins as a down on his luck average Joe doing the best he can in a ho-hum life and a stilted marriage. Who can’t relate? When fortune seems to smile on him with a found half a million, who wouldn’t react in the same way? When Pyke comes along however, Sam’s marriage and manhood are called into question. Is he a coward? Is Pyke deliberately pushing him to the edge and calling him out to get what he wants? The desperate changes in Sam are well done from Hemsworth. We see the range of emotion from honesty to anger and even cruelty. CA$H is a great examination of who’s in the right or where the level of crooketry begins and ends. Sam is an upstanding citizen, isn’t he? At what point does he become a criminal, and how far is the point of no return?

Not much has been said of the relatively unknown Victoria Profeta (Push) as Leslie thus far. Although she seems way too stickly and boney thin to me, she does a fine job as the fulcrum between Sam, her husband, and Pyke, their deadly houseguest. Though equality and feminine wiles are discussed between the trio, it is an unusual part-not quite equal to the men and naturally a little kinky between them. Leslie also starts as the honest good girl, but she comes to enjoy the criminal life a little too much. When robbing a convenience store to earn back Pyke’s money, she also proudly takes some Twinkies. After all, what’s a little shoplifting at this point, right? Leslie is more angry and vocal against Pyke then Sam, and he uses the whipped factor against them. Is Leslie more dominant than Sam is? In a truly healthy marriage, wouldn’t there be no dominance? There’s even a hint that Sam doesn’t eat meat because Leslie says so- and Pyke uses all these revelations against her. Though it probably could have been any pretty blonde steaming it up between the boys, Profeta does hold her own amid the sexual angst. Leslie’s eventual- if conflicted- lean towards Pyke further represents how much money can change people-and how quickly. The adrenaline and the power money brings is indeed attractive to her, and oh how green shows a person’s true colors.

There are some violent and action oriented scenes in CA$H of course, as is the nature of a heist film. However, this is not necessarily an action piece. Had this been a big blockbuster American production, we would not have spent half the movie in quiet confined scenes revealing our three characters. A mainstream version would have to have an Ocean’s Eleven culturally balanced ensemble with an elaborate scheme and repeated robberies and chase sequences. CA$H is instead refreshingly filmed in addition to its character piece pace and plot. The Chicago represented looks a little slim and shady, reiterating how easy it is to slip into a life of desperation or illegal means. The camera work is both fast and intense or claustrophobic and askew when it needs to be, but Anderson also knows when to let his cast play their parts. CA$H visually looks like the duality of greed it portrays. All the styles and dressings are deceiving. There isn’t any major great Michael Bay action sequences, but you still can’t look away from the visual clues stressing CA$H’s analysis of crime and corruption. This film does not shy away from its reinforcement about race, creed, or greed. No, it isn’t politically correct at all, and the accuracy of simply telling something like it is refreshing. Stephen Milburn Anderson should do more-and if CA$H has a modest success in its theatrical release; I dare say a follow up would be welcome.

It’s actually been some time since I’ve been to the movies, believe it or not, so I was just as observant of the CA$H theater experience as the movie itself. There were only five other people in the theater, understandable for a warm Friday matinee. However, I found it ironic that with so little people, there was still someone in the theater talking, someone was on a blackberry, and someone else had a baby with him. I don’t really know why someone would bring a baby to sleep through an R rated movie, but the infant was quieter than the talking or the phone! It was also bemusing to see the previews for Robin Hood and Season of the Witch before CA$H. Rumors and wishful thinking earlier attached Bean as being part of Robin Hood, and he is also starring in his own creepy Dark Ages picture Black Death later this year. While European audiences don’t have to wait for these independent films like us Americans often do; after having seen Sean Bean on the big screen, I hope Black Death makes it to a theater near me, too. Of course, the DVD of CA$H is already available overseas- complete with plenty of extras. When the set comes to Region 1, it will certainly be more than my $9 theater ticket. I guess I should start saving my money now!

This gritty yet witty examination of money and power is not for kids of course, thanks to the obligatory blood, sexual innuendo, and F-bombs. However, intelligent crime thriller audiences and fans of the cast will adore CA$H. If you have any preconceived notions about con artist or heist and robbery action films, leave them at the door when you see CA$H. This avant-garde piece will have you examining the way your balance your own check book in addition to some great societal analysis and fine performances. Spend some CA$H and see this one ASAP.