More Witchy and Demonic Viewings!

Witchy and Demonic Viewings, Two!

By Kristin Battestella

Another night, another quartet of foreign witches, campy cults, musical devils, and a whole lot of sexy, scary panache! 

The Devil Within Her – We know the happiness of having a baby is moot for this 1975 British tale once the hip title music, disturbing medical tools, heady zooming lights, and a writhing Joan Collins (Dynasty) start this 90 minutes off with an arduous delivery. There’s surprisingly little blood and gore considering the amounts shown onscreen then and now – not to mention the reality of a difficult 12 lb birth! – but toss in a baby who will scratch his mother, bite the maid, tear up his own toys or try to drown his nurse and the mood is set! What he does to dad Ralph Bates (Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde), well…hehehehe. I wonder if Adam Sandler’s Little Nicky title came from Collins’ screaming “Nicky! Nicky!” when her devil baby flips out at his christening? Period but pointless London streets and retro cars accent a juicy Caroline Munroe (The Spy Who Loved Me), brief strip club nudity, and a laughably filmed sex scene, but the flashback narration should have been shown instead of told. Most of this so serious is just too hokey and amusing because without special effects for our knife wielding newborn, the child violence scenes have to be bad up close shots or humorous cut away action. An eerie dream sequence is horror fine, but flashes of spurned dwarf George Claydon (Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) as a baby are absurd. Faux Italian accents and superstitious medieval talk are also ridiculous, and the little person portrayals as evil, cursing, freakish, undesirable folk run rampant. A viewer can’t tell if the plot is chastising and blaming the eponymous Lucy for her stripping past and marrying rich or rooting for her as a victim of this monstrous baby. It’s tough to take the intriguing notions of an evil birth or a post partum mother seriously as well thanks to the surprisingly amusing but misogynistic men who think she must be exaggerating the bad baby behavior. This could have been something unseen sinister or all in a mother’s demented state of mind, but awkward scenes debating medicine versus religious magic fill up the time without really discussing any intelligent or scary possibilities. Fortunately, fun performances from doctor Donald Pleasence (Halloween) and nun Eileen Atkins (Cranford) can’t be faulted, and there’s enough bemusement for the audience to see the outlandish through to the inexplicable finale. I mean, lab testing on mice nuns who study animal psychology?! 

Fascination – Writer and director Jean Rollin (The Nude Vampire) uses eerie zooms and haunting camera speeds to provide wonderful turn of the century style and Old World feelings for this 1979 French saucy. Phonographs and period music, ominous sounds, flowing white frocks, frilly lace, feathered hats, graceful mannerisms, candles, decorated interiors, natural visuals, and a great castle locale contrast the morbid slaughter house, vivid red colors, blood, rogue, symbolic lips, scythes, black robes, and blonde/brunette or good girl/bad girl expectations. Talk about a sexy grim reaper! It does help to know your français, sure, but the fine performances and talk of death taking the form of seduction add extra panache and gothic allure even amid any translation discrepancies on the available English subtitles. The laid back mood may be tough for modern American audiences, but the curious characters and simmering atmosphere is soon set with crimes, betrayal, and a siege situation – not to mention how the boobs are out early and often. We’re immediately intrigued in how one man is going to survive being locked in a house with blonde Brigitte Lahaie (I as in Icarus) and brunette Franca Mai (Zig Zag Story), let alone five more cultish women and a blindfold! Though there’s a lot of skin and tender kissing, the saucy scenes may also be a whole lot of nothing for those who are expecting more full on porn. This pretty Victorian via seventies French lesbianism won’t be for everyone but the kinky sucks the viewer in for the disturbingly delightful fashions, sinister switch, and sophisticated chic.

The Mephisto Waltz – Demonic Bond on acid opening credits set the mood for this 1971 simmering satanic thriller along with sweet cars, fancy décor, statues, and of course, creepy uses of the titular Litsz from composer Jerry Goldsmith (The Omen). Although one should probably appreciate classical music before watching, the diabolic orchestration accents the twisted relationships, foreboding zooms, askew angles, and macabre mid century masks. Enough smoke and nudity suggest more while strategic shadows and gauzy glows add dimension to hazy dream sequences. Set off the deadly rituals and eerie funeral with morbid French texts, and it’s easy to root for Jacqueline Bisset (Day for Night) and her understandably suspicious anchor against the decadently posh Curd Jurgens (The Spy Who Loved Me) and Barbara Parkins (Peyton Place). Alan Alda (M*A*S*H), however, is unfortunately too limp in his quest for high art and evil society. He doesn’t show the madness or range needed nor even any maniacal piano playing – he’s plastered for a face cast in one scene and his presence remains the same! Wise viewers or readers of the source novel may expect what happens – there’s an obligatory old-time library research montage, too – but the immoral isn’t always so apparent. Considering its title and subject, perhaps this isn’t as depraved or shocking as other occult pictures of the era, either. Despite some head scratching motivations or plot holes, the scary pacing, freaky drama, and sometimes unexpected turn of events give the audience a few good shocks and mysteries indeed. 

The Witch’s Mirror – Oft spooky actor Abel Salazar (The Curse of the Crying Woman) produced this black and white 1962 Mexican horror treat with Isabela Corona (A Man of Principle) as a creepy housekeeper amid the excellent smoke and mirrors and titular visual effects. From a macabre prologue and illustrations to Victorian mood, candles, and rituals, El Espejo de la Bruja has it all – love triangles, jerky husbands, revenge, betrayals, grave robbing, and ghoulish medicine. The plot is at once standard yet also nonsensical thanks to all the sorcery, implausible surgeries, ghosts, fire, even catalepsy all building in over the top, soap opera-esque twists. The sets are perhaps simplistic or small scale with only interior filming, but this scary, play-like atmosphere is enough thanks to wonderful shadows, gothic décor, and freaky, sinister music. Several language and subtitle options are available along with the feature and commentary on the DVD as well – not that any of the dubbing, subtitles, or original Spanish completely matches. The audio is also messed up in some spots, but the script is fun and full of cultish summonings and medical fantasies. Maybe this one will have too much happening for some viewers, as every horror treatise is thrown at the screen here. However, this is a swift, entertaining 75 minutes nonetheless and it doesn’t let up until the end.

70s Creatures and Killers

Seventies Creatures and Killers

By Kristin Battestella

From poisonous snakes and wild yetis to deadly daughters and a killer family playing house, here’s a quartet of deranged creatures and murderous mayhem replete with seventies charm.

Blood Mania – The swanky music might not be for everyone, but the period clothes are groovy, and dreamy, wild opening credits with wispy nightgowns and psychedelic lighting start this 1970 flick off right. Producer, writer, and star Peter Carpenter (Point of Terror) has intimate fun with the dames and the double entendres while his crusty doctor turned invalid patient worries if his slutty daughter Maria De Aragon (the face behind Greedo in Star Wars, wow!) is poisoning his breakfast. The blackmail and twists play like a porno edited without the follow thru – seriously, the morning bathtub, the pool boy, a crook ogling a wife, tension between said daughter and the pissy nurse – all before one heady, hazy, drug induced sex scene. This sexploitation design gets to the naked chicks in frothy bathtubs and seducing swimming pools quickly, however the horror is slow coming for an 80-minute picture. Not only is there a fun romantic romp at the marketplace montage and characters entering the uneven plots too late, but it’s halfway thru the film before we get to contesting family wills and something sinister afoot. Fans of soft saucy and juicy skin with only a little crazy and creepy scares can have a good night in here for sure. There is a bloody good, gory, if a bit nonsensical finale, too. However, I’m not sure how this was ever classified as horror or ended up with such a mismatched title. Indeed, I do hope these rumors of a missing twenty minutes resolve the scary plot holes and more importantly comes out on video soon!

Girly – Originally entitled Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny, and Girly, director Freddie Francis (Dracula Has Risen from the Grave) crafts a character unto itself in the lovely Oakley Court estate landscapes and its 1970 décor and period interiors for this hour and forty minutes. Fun zoo and animal footage adds to the seemingly safe and secure before creepy voiceovers, suggestive siblings, loony adults, and playing dress up reveal the mischievous but perfectly demented Mary Poppins manner soon to unravel thanks to disturbing Lolita feelings, implied sexual aspects, and playmate macabre. Some today may find the pace slow to get going or the no one acting their ages British baby talk annoying, but the twisted build and off kilter humor work nicely with the perspective camera work, hinted violence, and increasingly disturbing intensity. Unexpected jack in a box jump moments keep the audience on edge while bizarre adult size cribs and rocking horses accent the sickly effective racist and anti-Christian moments. At times, it may be tough to laugh at the unseen nasty and the well done skin crawling feeling it creates, yet this peculiar family unit is strangely entertaining. The twisted sing songs and murderous rhymes escalate toward a darker tone as the fun and games turn into a life and death test of dementia and wills. How did this all begin and where is it going? How long can these divisive depravities endure? Horror fans expecting blood and gore or final analysis may be disappointed, but those who enjoy depraved character studies with clever implications will delight in the simmering spectacle here.

Snowbeast – Ominous music and dangerous snowy slopes belie the sunshiny 1977 ski fashions, snowmobiles, and lush Colorado locales peppering this deadly bigfoot tale. Despite the faded public print, a slightly small scale made for television production, and some pathetically lame bloody ski jackets; lovely forests and mountain photography shine along with tracking zooms and killer camera perspectives. And the cast knows how to ski! The spooky atmosphere restarts slightly once Bo Svenson (Breaking Point) and Yvette Mimieux (The Time Machine) arrive, and a past love triangle is somewhat unnecessary, as is a skimpy Olympic flashback. However, these elements provide some unexpected for a horror movie of the week dialogue on how Olympians often have difficulty coming down to mortal levels and regular life after such glory. Womanly angst aside, this really is just a Jaws in the snow clone – one man believes in a monster after an opening attack, but pesky grandma Sylvia Sidney (Beetlejuice) dismisses it as an avalanche and withholds the news because the economically needed carnival must go on. Unheeding people take to the slopes, death ensues, and sheriff Clint Walker (Cheyenne) claims it was a grizzly attack by presenting a mistakenly shot bear. Contrived miscommunication and crap police action grow tiresome and the ski montages are a tad longer than necessary. Thankfully, the period lack of smartphones and natural snowy isolation remain effective. Shaggy Yeti arm appearances create scare toppers amid the more dramatic act by act pace, and the bigfoot gone wild is smartly only seen in shadows, dark windows, hairy flashes, or with quick, snarling teeth. Seeing what the monster does – over turned vehicles, logs tumbling, shattered glass – rather than what it definitively is keeps this watchable despite those Jaws comparisons and dated archetypes.  The pace is uneven in the final act – switching focus on characters and coming to a somewhat speedily conclusion considering how we really just watched people skiing for 85 minutes – but this one remains fun for a summer cool down or a snowy night in with the family. 

Stanley – 1972 eco statements, animal photography, and lots of peace and love music start this 100 plus minutes before the period Everglades beauty quickly turns into dangerous swamps and fatal quicksand. For some viewers, the poisonous snakes and creepy crawly pets will be horror enough thanks to effective slithering and hissing sounds – our titular friend is a rattlesnake, after all. Star Chris Robinson (12 O’clock High) must have been very comfortable with all those snakes around his neck! Racist injun and redskin remarks and more inappropriate attitudes of the time from the wrong people around him, however, don’t make his Tim any more likeable for the audience. He’s too warped and creepy, talking to snakes, sleeping with his little friends, and using the critters for his own reprisals. What gives him the right? Interesting Seminole reflections don’t have time to blossom either thanks to the obligatory biting the villain on the butt sequence. Enemy Alex Rocco (The Godfather) has some icky incestuous dialogue as well, but these shenanigans away from Stanley’s vengeance feel somewhat pointless. Lullaby music for baby snakes and snake funerals are also a bit too bemusing and confuse the tone of the picture. Is this serious about reptile abuses or is it meant to be hokey? Knowing that the snakes themselves were most likely mistreated during production of the film kind of mars any environmental statements to be had. The burlesque shows onscreen are weak and the pace is more run of the mill revenge action than horror, but there are some original, fun moments here with plenty of snaky bits to make your skin crawl. 

I Think, Therefore I Review at Horror Addicts.net!

Greetings, Thinkers!

Are you a fan of our Horror Film and Television essays and reviews?  Then stop by Horror Addicts.net for more of our Macabre!

This week alone we are having a Triumvirate of Terror special, and our Buffy The Vampire Slayer articles have also visited with the Addicts along with many more of our movie and DVD reviews such as Dark Shadows!

Vincent Price the Maestro

Christopher DeLEEful Films

A Peter Cushing Passion

 

Bookmark and follow the horror hep cat “Kbatz” tag for our scary film and television posts or visit Horror Addicts.net for a complete schedule of the ongoing podcast season. That’s right, you can HEAR samples of Yours Truly talking terror and answering your dead mail! 

Don't forget that I Think, Therefore I Review is also part of the Horror Blogger Alliance! If you have a horror website, check out their latest membership drive!
 

We've also reached over 300,000 hits here on the main blog at I Think, Therefore I Review, too!  So THANK YOU to all who've stopped by and commented, and here's to many more essays, lists, articles, and reviews - scary or not!!

More Sixties Scary Movies

Sixties Scares Again!

By Kristin Battestella

Black and white or color, big horror names or mid century unknowns – a lot of scary movies made in the sixties were hit or miss. Here are a few low budget good, better, and worst shockers from that swanky decade of yore.

Terrified – A masked, suit and tie-wearing vigilante buries people alive in shallow graves before driving folks off the road near an old west ghost town in this 1963 caper. Although there’s some bad acting from the generic cast and one hokey, fainting old lady who can’t handle the swerving cars, the titular start is indeed, well, titular thanks to the slow torment of these victims. The young love triangle potential isn’t fifties sweetheart in tone – these older protagonists are classy couples amid scares and cool cars even when the dated dialogue or seemingly deep analysis on fear and crazy are too obvious. People do spend a bit too much time driving from one location to the next and merely talking about past actions and town kooks, making this 80 minutes feel slow. However, the scary action is an interesting, slasher precursor style almost Saw-esque in his games, mystery, and sick motivations. Abandoned saloon halls and old cemeteries work with the on scene, in camera design, and the atmospheric music accents the terror despite the poor sound quality today. Black and white photography hides the most likely cheap production savings but also adds to the isolated, old time mood. Solitary shadows, flashlights, and cobwebs heighten the danger as the pace increases amid largely anonymous villainy, surprising fates, and onscreen physicality. I’m surprised this is so obscure for the B movie low expectations are more than met here for a fun, spooky late night. I mean, who goes down thru the trap door in the creepy old west ghost town when a killer is on the loose, honestly?! 

Trauma – Wheelchair bound Lynn Bari (Blood and Sand) adds an air of class and poise in this black and white 1962 hour and a half before the eponymous scary watery action ensues. Writer and director Robert Malcolm Young (Escape to Witch Mountain) jumps right into understandable fear of wide-eyed young girls scared to walk alone in the woods at night. The bizarre state of mind mood is quickly set by old houses, furniture covered with sheets, and handymen who may or may not be creepy. The atmosphere is also surprisingly suggestive – one young girl with all these men of varying degrees of pursuit and affection around her, including a suspicious husband John Conte (The Man with the Golden Arm) who conveniently moves in to control his ward turned amnesiac wife Lorrie Richards (The Magic Sword). While some of the supporting acting is over the top and the public print’s picture may be a little flat, eerie music and the shady innuendo is enough to keep the audience interested as our sick young wife goes exploring in a dark, disturbing mansion full of hazy memories, gas lighting, and scares. Scenes with one or two persons talking may be slow to some, and architecture firm scenes don’t go about revealing the information on mysterious building additions, family secrets, and past scandals very well. However, the twists and natural fears are intriguing enough to see the mystery through to the end – unless you are a viewer with a fear of water or drowning! I’m surprised this little treat is so unknown, too.

Split Decision

Doctor Blood’s Coffin – Widowed nurse Hazel Court (The Masque of the Red Death) and her traditional, tight, white uniform pretty up this 1961 British hour and half full of radical human experimentation, old-fashioned medical styles, big bottles of chloroform, classic cars, and more. Good scary scoring, suspenseful moments, action, violence, and twists pick up as the unethical medicine intensifies, but confusing cave action and obvious romance make the pace uneven. The plot also meanders, taking its precious time in getting to what is a sweet, heavy finale. The lack of subtitles, poor sound, and a badly lit picture unfortunately interferes with the intriguing morality versus science debates and food for thought consequences. Likewise, leading man Kieron Moore (The 300 Spartans) feels a little too dry compared to the pizzazz we expect from Hazel. Fans of Court can enjoy a viewing and the story here is enticing enough, but the low budget filming, poor print, and lack of polish can make this one tough to watch for casual horror audiences.

Skippers

Madmen of Mandoras – Deadly government G-gas toxins, elusive antidotes, supposed science fiction shockers, abduction scandals, and not so much horror opens this 1963 black and white mishmash filled with more standard action, gunfire, and attempted noir than genre fair. Yes, somehow there are military looks and evil Nazis. Sure, this is the 74-minute version of what was also later padded to 90 minutes and called They Saved Hitler’s Brain. However, a wooden cast and too many stupid people make it tough to care for the loose story either way. A weird flashback dumps the eponymous “Mr.  H.” angst into the middle of the picture, but what do the missing persons have to do with this Frankensteinish goofy? When explanations are finally given after all the traveling, mid century cars, fancy planes, faux Spanish talk, and swanky dancing, it’s a whole lot more of too many things clashing at once, and ultimately, none of it makes any sense. Hitler’s head has been on ice and we’ve been watching anonymous shootouts and belly dancing? If you can stand it, this is laughably bad thanks to the Hitler head in jar riding in the backseat. No, you didn’t misread that!

Nightmare in Wax – The dialogue is tough to hear at times and the script doesn’t make much sense in this 1969 copy harkening Vincent Price and mid-fifties horror with its warped, intentionally extreme color saturation. Unseen killer perspectives, a creepy elevator, and ominous parking garage violence quickly fall prey to a confusing wax who is who and flashbacks interrupting the police investigation. The film within a film feelings of wax displays, disappearing stars, old Hollywood name dropping, and recognizable wax models don’t help a cast that’s nothing to write home about – toss in a unclear, convoluted revenge, blackmail, attempted sexy, and hip sixties music and this 95 minutes feels overlong. The few scary moments, creepy settings, wax twists, murder, drugs, and hypnosis unnecessarily jump back and forth with the flashbacks, and menacing chases don’t happen until an hour into the film. This was clearly made fast and furious to cash in on a drive-in double bill, and without any real gore or nudity, this feels like a too tame knock off. Some low budget horror audiences may find that tone just fine, but there could have been a lot more mystery and scary museum designs instead of an inexplicable, rehashed mess.

The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth Not All Bad, but Too Dang Tidy and Safe

By Kristin Battestella

I keep swearing I won’t watch another Gerard Butler romantic comedy – heck, how many are there? The Ugly Truth, however, actually isn’t that bad thanks to some fun scenes, innuendo, and chemistry amid the cast. Unfortunately, this 2009 romp falls prey to its own predictability, short sightedness, and every pretty expectation of the romantic comedy genre.

TV producer Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) reluctantly accepts crass guest reporter Mike Chadway (Butler) as part of her morning news program. Mike’s ‘The Ugly Truth’ segment soon becomes a hit in the ratings, pleasing Abby’s network bosses while her personal life and controlling checklist dates go awry. Mike vows that the relationship advice and man tips from his show are the exact thing Abby needs in order to land handsome doctor and new next door neighbor Colin (Eric Winter). Her transformation from prudish to knock out, however, soon affects Mike just as much as the ensnared Colin.

Like Pygmalion or My Fair Lady and The Taming of the Shrew before it, The Ugly Truth presents every rom com cliché while the audience waits for the inevitable from director Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde), new writer Nicole Eastman, and producers and co-writers Karen McCullah and Kirsten Smith (Ella Enchanted, The House Bunny). As if these people would not end up together after he does her up pretty for someone else and of course, they fall in love during the process instead. For a supposedly mature comedy targeted toward today’s intelligent audiences, the too sweet plot here doesn’t go far enough. Dirty word drops go through the motions, and considering a title like this, there isn’t enough vulgar or hard sexual content. The Ugly Truth comes off as pretty tame with no nudity or pushing the envelope – tumblr is more in the gutter than Mike’s show within a show! Nothing here is shocking – which hampers a lot of the laugh out loud possibilities – and again, real news programs and daytime talk shows offer more scandalous material these days. The potential is here to take the battle of the sexes to the next level, but The Ugly Truth goes backward by adhering to the romantic nineties movies ideal page for page. Nothing new comes in the expected, tried and true public revelation finale here. Once the high school dance, then the college competition, Someone Like You already gave adults the televised confession before The Ugly Truth. The heart symbols on the posters akin to today’s “it’s complicated” and “in a relationship” social media clicks, but The Ugly Truth would have been better had it abandoned the predictable comedy formulas for a sardonic, serious look on screwed up relationships in the 21^st century workplace.

Mike flirts with Abby from the start, smacking her ass, drinking from her glass. He admits he thinks of her sexually and tells her that she is a very attractive, but inaccessible woman. He’s distracted by her activities, says they make a great team, and gets aroused by her “teaching the teacher” touch. Everything he tells her about how to get Colin is surely the way to get him, too – he knows it is working on Colin because he himself likes her. Mike is upset at the thought of her Lake Tahoe weekend plans, he initiates the dance with Abby, and I could go on with yet more examples that she was too stupid to see. He buys her vibrating panties, for goodness sake; The Ugly Truth is not the mysterious relationship ninety minute rocket science it makes itself out to be. Abby hasn’t seen enough rom coms apparently, and the men versus women honesty here is marred by this pulling pigtails and wasting time. Why change her for another guy before revealing your own matching nature to who she originally was? Do people actually do this instead of just asking someone out or getting to know them warts and all? Mike is supposed to be oafish and seemingly beneath Abby, but the naughty messages on his phone, gawking female co-workers, and one hard up sales lady certainly find him appealing. It’s totally apparent that Mike is simply an unqualified guy who’s been burned. This is even suggested three times in The Ugly Truth before anyone realizes it – affirmation coming from an on-TV burn, of course – but by that point, the movie is almost over and a kiss is supposed to make everything all better.

“They want to be actresses, who am I to kill their dreams? … I only slept with the one who can read.” Gerard Butler has admitted Mike Chadway is the role most like himself, and that is kind of how he plays the part. Though he seems puffy or bloated in some scenes and there’s apparently a concerted effort to not have him shirtless – except when he’s covered with Jello – Butler does not look bad here. Maybe he’s not as uber unrealistically buff as in 300, but he’s not flabby as paparazzi photos from the time would suggest, and this normal, natural build, dark hair, and hint of scruff is everyman refreshing. His bad American accent, however, stinks in comparison to his natural Scottish brogue. Butler’s charm, personality, and naughty delivery can be down right fetching, and he has some great off the cuff zingers such as “Why am I a manwhore?” and after licking said Jello off a girl’s finger, “I can still taste you…you know what I mean!” However, this relaxed wit and timing is thanks to Butler’s charisma and not the stunted script that leaves him with a few failed deadpan jokes. Mike’s sentimental but undercooked family angles are also never given any special dimension beyond plot contrivances and the obligatory awww moments in relation to the romance – an obvious infatuation that dumbs down everyone in The Ugly Truth.

Abby is a control freak, sure, but what’s so wrong with her as is? Can’t she be a strong, powerful, confident, at work woman without changing any of that to land a man? Hair extensions and a good bra are all you need – that’s not a very positive message. We may poke fun or archetype this perception of all business ice queen prude, but Abby’s misrepresenting herself to Colin instead of being upfront is no better. Viewers only learn the cliché checklist basics about Abby so we can bare minimum relate to the drastic change in what she will do for a guy. Are we supposed to like her as herself or as the girl she’s pretending to be? The audience has no chance to see the female spectrum and intriguing complexities between the nun or slut extremes – this “librarian and the stripper” Ginger or Maryann duality is too broadly defined against all this compromising for a man she is isn’t so sure she really wants. Despite her Grey’s Anatomy success, I still think in some ways Katherine Heigl is just repeating her debut in My Father the Hero over and over again. Unfortunately, her best moments are somewhat spoiled in the trailer, and the physical comedy also feels forced. Although that goofy slapstick might have been an unnecessarily intentional attempt to make Heigl more awkward than she really is, the irony is that Abby might have been better off with Colin had Mike not interfered with these elaborate antics. Her making his advice go awry is played for the laughs too many times – the kiss cam at the baseball game, her orgasmic dinner thanks to the vibrating panties.  These segments can be amusing or cause a chuckle, but the standard embarrassment leading to love measures are not new and again, today masturbation and sexual topics are dealt with far more frankly. The Mike and Abby dance scene is sexy for fans of the stars, but can the viewer enjoy that they’ve finally caught on to what we’ve been watching all along? Eric Winter (Witches of East End) as Colin is very pretty to look at, too, but he serves as an undeveloped stock fifth wheel who is also somehow the only person other than Abby who remains unaware of what’s happening. Colin wraps a sprained ankle and answers the phone in a white lab coat just to show he is a surgeon – therefore he needs no further development than actually being a prick once said lab coat comes off in the end. The Ugly Truth takes another step back by objectifying its characters instead of treating them as the intelligent people they are supposed to be.

In fact, the supporting players in The Ugly Truth make for much more interesting possibilities than the standard clichés presented. John Michael Higgins (Ally McBeal) as Larry and Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Georgia are rocky husband and wife anchors with excellent wit and banter. They are angry and loving as the film progresses – perhaps showing the pros and cons of Mike’s ‘Ugly Truth’ tests better than Abby’s transformation – and their workplace tug and pull is sassy and unique. Sadly, their quips don’t receive enough attention because of course that would deviate from the run of the mill rom com form. The Ugly Truth could have been an enjoyable ensemble piece with several grown-up, real world relationship dynamics that just happen to hit the fan at a wacky TV station. Instead, great one-liners from the secondary players are tossed in so fast that the audience has no chance to chuckle. We have to get back to the Pygmalion rather than let characters such as Bree Turner’s (Grimm) Joy fully blossom. Abby’s best friend has to happily remain in her place as the lonely assistant who lives vicariously through her. If Abby was such a bad case, what does that say about Joy? Are we supposed to believe she is content in this inferior position when she seems to be just as confident in her job – if not more – and romantically available? She sees both Abby and Mike’s flaws, their chemistry, and knows what to do about it and anything that goes wrong during the entire film yet receives no recognition in The Ugly Truth. Maybe it’s asking too much for the quote Jello twins (I’m not even sure who they are in the credits because I can’t recall if they are actually named onscreen!) to be developed characters, but their saint or sinner perspectives, slutty humor, or misunderstood dorkable could have embodied some interesting repartee. Cranky boss Nick Searcy (From the Earth to the Moon) is always fearful of bad ratings, but we never get a sense of the humor in his hopelessness or the incompetence of fellow news crew such as Yvette Nicole Brown (Community) because they only appear in a few early scenes before sadly disappearing all together. But hey, Craigy Fergy and The Late Late Show make a penultimate appearance!

The Ugly Truth is also showing its age thanks to now dated technology, big televisions, answering machines, old flip phones, and barely visible text messages beneath the Sprint product placement banners. Sprint? Sprint? Of the moment, in your face pop music also overshadows some scenes and makes excuses for long transitions and montages. The fashions are somewhat generic, but it bugs me greatly that you can see those hummin’ black undies underneath Abby’s white dress! Why didn’t anyone have the foresight to change the color of one or the other? Like that remote would be so big and obvious either. The Sacramento locales and setting are different and pleasant, but it’s still typical California suave and sunshine accented with big city moments. Perhaps somewhere more fictional or small town anonymous might have added flavor or quirky to the form. Ironically, the off the cuff bloopers from The Ugly Truth seem more genuine and funny with natural quotes and catchy Freudian slips. One can’t watch those video outtakes or deleted scenes on television airings of The Ugly Truth, of course, and too many nonsensical edits, language cuts, and excised innuendo on TV further create a bland, going through the motions narrative. If you watch, definitely stick with an unedited edition – although this isn’t a hard R and is probably safe for wise teenagers today.  

Because it is comprised of such repeat cliché fodder, The Ugly Truth is certainly watchable, even rewatchabe for romance fans aware of the film’s routine expectations. Fans of the cast can enjoy their charm even if the joy of the ensemble is largely wasted potential trapped in the same old, same old. The Ugly Truth simply doesn’t have the broad reaching, massive audience, mature sex comedy appeal for which it might have hoped, but it isn’t all bad when figuring in the players’ charms against the rom com formula. Viewers have to accept The Ugly Truth for what it is rather than what it could have been and take the fun where you can get it. Otherwise, you’ll be pulling out those hair extensions!

Recent Weres, Vamps, and Ghostly Films!

Contemporary Werewolves, Vampires, and Ghosts, Oh My!

By Kristin Battestella

Despite the abundance of low budget, poor quality scary film fair, not all modern horror pictures are that bad. Here’s a few slightly feminine wolfys, vamps, and paranormal creepies giving some hope to recent horror productions – and one stinker, of course.

Byzantium – Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) and Saiorse Ronan (The Lovely Bones) anchor this 2013 vampire spin from director Neil Jordan (Interview with a Vampire) co-starring Jonny Lee Miller (Hackers), Maria Doyle Kennedy (The Tudors), and Caleb Landry Jones (X-Men: First Class). The cinematography from Sean Bobbitt (Hunger) is intriguing, and a golden, antique patina contrasts the bitter daylight, nightclubs, boarded windows, and harsh concrete. Ironic uses of Etta James standards and melancholy piano music add to the slight sense of abstract– the contemporary still has a feeling of the past in old décor, fedoras, and aged computers. Nostalgic paper, pens, and handwriting or scandalous red lights and saucy lingerie establish the ladies’ personalities better than the in medias res mellow narration, which takes too long for viewers who didn’t know this movie would be about vampires. Fortunately, Arterton is sexy yet deadly and nude yet refined – she’s a killer in every sense of the word but bizarrely maternal, loving, and considerate. Although Ronan’s depressing, woe is me burdens are a bit much, her somber, hypnotic blue eyes are classy and bittersweet. Her flashbacks provide interesting snippets of period piece macabre; the past wasn’t glamorous but dirty, grimy, and violent thanks to Miller. Clearly, the emo Eleanor just wants attention, and those ready to die recognize her for what she is. Aren’t there better ways to go about your hidden existence until disbelieving authorities, prodding schools, and teen angst disrupt it? Each vampire seems trapped in easy, cliché mindsets from centuries ago – nobody can learn anything or mature in 200 years? The fine but disorienting flashback within flashback and non-linear two hours make the audience wonder why writer Moira Buffini (adapter of the 2011 Jane Eyre, where the flashback pacing worked wonderfully) didn’t put the storytelling in order or tighten the slightly long and uneven vampire mythos instead of calling attention to the hip framework. Brief shots of the seemingly aware police in pursuit go unexplained until the finale, and perhaps the plot should have been all period or totally present. Thankfully, the brooding feminine spin, artsy blood and gore, and a unique vampire creation and organization combine alongside the subtle but expected sharp nails, wrist bites, and jokes about fangs or daylight. These ladies dab the blood from their lips, quietly wait for the invitation to enter, get tempted by the sight of blood and injury, take the lives of the ill or elderly – and they watch Hammer movies! This isn’t scary, and the assorted accents and Brit-ness may bother some. However, this isn’t a sparkly teeny bopper love triangle either. The viewer doesn’t always know what happens next in the intense finish, and this tale makes for a surprising, worthy piece of vampire storytelling.

(Ironically, I must say, I have a 2008 novel about a family of vampires that goes back and forth with flashbacks and varies points in time, too, hehe.)

Ginger Snaps – This quality Canadian horror drama will be too teen girl angst for some adult male audiences; it’s not for animal lovers and today, such teen sex, drug uses, school violence, juvenile morbidity, and obsessions with death would land sisters Katharine Isabelle (American Mary) and Emily Perkins (Hiccups) in serious hot water. Director John Fawcett (The Dark) and co-writer Karen Walton’s (Orphan Black) puberty is horror theme, however, was new during the Y2K era and this Red Riding Hood equals Big Bad Wolf combination fits the solid coming of age progression and lycanthrope twists. Unlike recent in your face horror clichés, there’s sexy here without cheap nudity, the handsome blood and gore isn’t too gory, and the non-CGI wolf get ups are well done. The sharp editing isn’t hectic or seizure inducing, and the likeable, witty, sardonic characters are given full room to blossom or wax irony– the go to expert on wolfs bane is the town’s resident pot dealer! The audience doesn’t know how far the scares and suspense will escalate or if this sisterly core can survive the wolfy puberty. Unfortunately, there is a big, slightly unsatisfying problem with the typical house under construction chase finale and all the potentially worthy plot lines and red herrings left hanging in its wake. How much did quirky mom Mimi Rogers (Someone to Watch Over Me) really know? She’s giddy on periods and womanhood and just happens to buy the deadly poison needed at a craft store – seriously? Deleted scenes and extended DVD editions once again rear their head here, but none of that answers one very critical question: Who’s the original dang wolf? Yes, this lovely werewolf build up and fine feminine sisterhood feels imbalanced in the end, however this is a great, morbid teen thriller for budding macabre young ladies. 

Mama – Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones) lead this 2013 scary fairy tale from producer Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth), director Andres Muschietti and co writers Barbara Muschietti (from their original Mama short film) and Neil Cross (Luther). Dangerous snowy roads, car action, and police radio immediately establish the isolated cabin and wooded perils for these adorable little girls and their innocent statements. Firelight only scenes, dark surroundings, and creepy noises accent the almost livable but messy designs and wild child state of mind. Eerie observation rooms, case study reports, medical analysis, and research montages anchor the scary amid a reality of courtrooms, technology, and red tape. Some of the brighter colors do seem too pretty or oversaturated; however, pleasing shadows, reflections, and flicking lights keep the spooky subtle. Megan Charpentier (Resident Evil: Retribution) and Isabelle Nelisse (Whitewash) create an excellent mix of sympathy and disturbing – their child artwork, whispers, and games are both cute and eerie along with moth symbolisms and leaf motifs. Although she has stunning eyes and cheekbones, Chastain doesn’t quite fit her character’s short, dark hair and punk style. Her attitude and problem with kids feels fake or without cause, and she’s more worried about her own safety then helping these girls. Her Annabel is more like a stunted teen babysitter, complains this isn’t her job, and what bass we hear from her isn’t that good. Psychiatrist Daniel Kash (Hannibal) is right when he tells her to grow up, but he also foolishly doesn’t share all his case findings. Is this film about a doctor and a woman trying to help in this unique child tale or is it about scaring the obligatory but rocker babe? Realizations come too easy, the rules of the scares change, the motivation or abilities of the entity become purely opportune, convenient file folders and information are stolen without consequences, and research ladies who claim to not know anything sure do drop a load of exposition. The bump in the night scares or jump moments are typical don’t look in the closet, haunted house hijinks, and the extra boom chords and flashes of light are unnecessary, for the audience only ploys when the troubling video sessions with the girls or seeing and hearing their reactions suffice. The CGI also looks iffy and dark, and though fittingly eerie, askew and distorted coma visions and dreamy flashbacks look cartoonish. Most of all, however, I’m disappointed that the rental blu-ray is full of previews and shows the menus and features before blocking them with “This disc is intended for rental purposes and only includes the feature film.” Hmph. There is a nice pace, mood, and atmosphere here, but the lack of answers, plot holes, and thinly drawn characters will be too much for some viewers to ignore. I mean, not only do the psychology and relationship possibilities fall prey to womanly doing right by the spirit sacrifices, but explanations to the authorities are never considered and what happened to the &^$#% dog? Longtime horror viewers won’t be fooled by the surprising moments and twists here, but fortunately, there is enough child likability and ghostly traditional style for a disturbing watch or two.

Do Skip

Metamorphosis – A promising Elizabeth Bathory narration, Hungary 1610 period fine, and a firelight sweet palette rush to start this 2007 vampire tale before jumping into the present day with a superstitious funeral, great cemetery iconography, and screeching owls. On location country sides and castle filming add authenticity while crosses shake in the presence of vampires for a unique spin. Christopher Lambert (Highlander) has a lot of fun here – even when the script fails him with clichés, jokes, and bad quips ad nauseam. Lambert and family vampire curses past and present would have been enough to carry the 90 plus minutes here, but unfortunately, obnoxious BMW driving youth and their bad acting takes over most of the time. Their gallivanting is of course due to the cliché book research excuse, and a lot of plot holes and not a lot of writing ensue with Corey Sevier (North Shore) and Irena A. Hoffman (House of Flesh Mannequins). The younger cast simply seem like they are in a different, wooden, mess of a movie compared to the classy or seriousness from the elder monks or nuns at hand, and I’ve never wanted to fast forward thru such a moodless, laughable, candlelit sex scene so much in my life. The hip dialogue and delivery from the juvenile ensemble is completely unbelievable and jarring rad cool mixed with past speaketh. The entire Bathory descendants plot and purgatory talk is woefully obvious to the viewer, and it’s tough to find sympathy when the kid cast is waxing historical or mocking what we’ve already seen. The setting should have stayed in the past or gotten to the atmospheric trapped in a scary castle mood much, much sooner. Half the cast, all the comic relief, and the lame excuses disguised as twists should have been excised in favor of explanations and clarifications. Bad fang and eyes effects, pathetic faux Fu, hardly any blood, woeful staking effects, crappy car accident action, and painfully apparent post accident twists are simply too stupid to get past unless you can have a good time laughing along with Lambert.

Dark Shadows: Collection 15

Dark Shadows Collection 15 Lends a Wild Hand 

By Kristin Battestella

After nearing over 100 hundred episodes in the 1897 flashback storyline, sixties soap Dark Shadows barrels on by adding even more werewolves, ghosts, gypsy curses, and one wild, handful of a talisman to the gothic storytelling on its DVD Collection 15.

While werewolf Quentin Collins (David Selby) and the gypsy sister-in-law Magda (Grayson Hall) who cursed him seek a cure for his lycanthropy, time traveling cousin and vampire Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) tries to keep their paranormal secrets from fellow family members Edward (Louis Edmunds) and the newly married Judith Collins Trask (Joan Bennett). Corrupt Reverend Trask (Jerry Lacey) has all but taken over the Collinwood estate and soon seeks to cleanse the family of its evils once the mysterious Count Petofi (Thayer David) and his magical cohorts come to town.

A surprisingly bloody vampire and a zany off screen shootout resolve plots remaining from Collection 14 early on Disc 1 before leading into new tales and twists in the lengthy 1897 storyline. Character shakeups and spooky develops simply have to happen after so many episodes in the past, and that means resetting several elements and gaining or losing players to keep the paranormal fresh. Everyone in the company has a wrench or contribution to the plot, helping build the complex surprises needed to carry this must see TV from one half hour to the next. Some episodes on Collection 15 also lose the repeated tag from episode to episode thanks to elaborate, one-time action sequences amid the ghosts, witches, zombies, and disembodied hands. The period song and dance scenes may seem more dated than the usual camp on Dark Shadows, but there’s a point to the tunes, steamy dream sequences, and psychics – the undead secrets come to a head thanks to great tension and suspense. 1969 names and plots are mentioned to remind the audience of this 1897 excursion’s original purpose, but the time travel troubles and vampire pursuits increase in their immediacy alongside the expanding werewolf and gypsy twists. How many more people will find out about the vampire? Who’s in on the Count Petofi action?

The wolfy pace heats up for Disc 2 with disposable policemen, jailed lycanthropes, possessions, and cliffhangers. For such a long ongoing soap opera, what the viewer needs to know is speedily recalled – not just 1969 talk but earlier 1897 refreshers of the late Edith Collins. It’s a wonder the Collins family ever made it into the 20^th century with all these vengeful ghosts, supernatural causes, and selfish, disfigured lawyers interfering. Séances, blackmail, manipulated wives – some storylines are more far-fetched than others, such as when entire episodes hinge on “Who’s got the hand? Who took the hand? I don’t have the hand!” switcharoos on Disc 3. However, the unexpected, anything can happen Dark Shadows mentality is dang entertaining. The unintentional humor may detract from the scary, but too much is happening to not appreciate the camp action, intelligent twists, and 1897 hysteria to come. Werewolf resolutions don’t come easy thanks to past references to Victoria Winters, the 1795 flashback, and future 1969 dangers. While these layers may be confusing to viewers who didn’t see Dark Shadows before the 1897 stories – or to those who simply can’t remember that far back! –the usage of the infamously inaccurate Collins Family History book creates surprising nuances within the show’s chronology. Instead of growing stagnant Disc 4 adds prophecies, more Petofi angst, and The Picture of Dorian Gray delights along with 1969 revisits for a wild finale in Episode 816.

 

“Why do we hurt the ones we love?” Jonathan Frid mourns and waxes poetic as the reluctantly violent vampire Barnabas Collins. His toothy hang ups are a convenient plot issue, yet they create wonderful depth and man versus himself pathos. Once his secret is afoot, great cat and mouse games and begrudging alliances ensue. Barnabas sure runs out of places to hide that coffin! The poor guy is exposed left and right, and we feel for his persecution despite his disturbing preying upon Charity Trask. Barnabas is conflicted, tormented, and desperate to save the Collins family in the future, yet he’s fully aware of his timeline troubles and lack of options come sunrise. The hero of Dark Shadows goes on with the good fight even when he despises himself, and Lara Parker as the beautiful witch Angelique adds to his troubles on Disc 1. er Her Her idea of looking out for Barnabas means getting rid of her female competition, but she does seem to grow a conscious at times or change her tune to get in good at Collinwood. Though Angelique’s powers are sometimes used as a magical cure all when it comes to plotting for or against Quentin, they don’t always work, and she also serves as an important reminder of 1969 causes where other 1897 players cannot. Grayson Hall’s Magda is also reformed from her gypsy cursing ways, but now has to endure the wrath of her fellow gypsies to break Quentin’s curse. While Barnabas initially thinks the Hand of Count Petofi is some grotesque joke, Magda’s well intentioned use of it – even in combating evil – leads to insurmountable consequences. Hall’s double duty appearance as her original Julia Hoffman character late on Disc 4 is fun, however, and some of her rituals and flubs are absolutely amusing.

Of course, Magda’s husband Sandor is mentioned as off with the gypsy camp and makes only one very effective appearance in Episode 798 thanks to Thayer David’s new role as the infamous Count Petofi. Debuting in Episode 793 under an alias, Petofi is another fun role and wild character – boy can he bitch slap! From the sniffing around between him and Angelique to the contest of wits with Quentin, there’s a bemusing camp and menace in his undying ways and Jamison twists. Despite far-reaching magics and truths that affect everyone at Collinwood, intriguing possessions and rapidly approaching time limits deepen Petofi’s desperation by Disc 4 while Michael Stroka as his cohort Aristede always seems wonderfully whipped and incompetent. After a great spooky entrance in Episode 791, the ever cackling Aristede also suffers Angelique’s wrath and ends up being choked, attacked, or beaten almost every appearance. There may also be a whiff of innuendo regarding his subservience to Petofi, the way Aristede is easily subdued by Barnabas, and in how he socializes with Tim Shaw at The Blue Whale. However, his wheeling and dealing is not always what it seems – even when he’s being chastised by the pint sized and possessed Jamison.

Surprisingly, David Selby doesn’t appear on Collection 15 until midway thru Disc 1, yet each 1897 escapade ties back to him in some way and Quentin interacts with almost everyone on Dark Shadows. He’s violent with whoever gets in his way, be he drunk or wolfy, but the audience has come to understand his anger and rage even when he’s still bullying Charity on Disc 4. Due to his supernatural troubles, Quentin must make a difficult choice between Barnabas and his immediate family, but I don’t want to give everything away! The lovely Shadows in the Night theme music also makes for an ironic, soothing contrast to Quentin’s fanatical fear of the full moon – those screams and contortions almost seem to happen in monthly real time, too. He sees thru Reverend Trask’s schemes and isn’t all that surprised to find yet another monster locked up in the Old House basement but laments his unusual circumstances, “Time is my hobby.” The poor thing even has his turn at being in charge of Collinwood while everyone else is cursed and crazy! Quentin has a few hokey moments thanks to a woeful Papier-mache looking face disguise, but Selby fans will eat up his tender moments and his being bound and tortured ala The Pit and the Pendulum. Unfortunately, Terry Crawford as the lovelorn servant Beth Chavez is only mentioned early on Disc 2 and sparsely appears in Episodes 793 and 797 as a household catchall maid or babysitter. Quentin, of course, mocks her for her loyalty, but her sensitivity grounds him and they are still a bizarrely charming onscreen couple. Beth is also used by Barnabas as needed, making for some interesting love and jealously conflicts between the vampire and her werewolf boyfriend. Twilight, ha!

Though they don’t immediately appear either, Denise Nickerson as Nora Collins and David Henesy as Jamison Collins have critical moments late on Collection 15. After a whopper of a vampire encounter, we don’t see Nora until more screams, uncomfortable secrets, and violence on Disc 4. These Collins kids must have surely been traumatized! It’s truly scary to watch a little girl being influenced by a vampire predator with calm talk of how they used to be friends and that he won’t hurt her. Likewise, Petofi corrupts Jamison’s innocence and honesty after his return in Episode 801. There’s 1969 David name-dropping or glimpses naturally and Henesy is often playing a possessed or ill child of some kind, but his mature subtleties, hand and glove mannerisms, and innuendo are much more interesting than the seemingly longer Hand of Count Petofi hot potato plots. It’s downright creepy the way Petofi’s power is locked up in an outwardly unassuming child package. Jamison’s little kisses on the cheek are dangerous and deadly truth revealing hallmarks, and these ploys are a great way to create several character changes and comeuppances in quick succession to shake things up. Not that Dark Shadows needed more shake ups, but these developments spearhead the deadly intense finish on Collection 15.

Oh, that Reverend Trask is such a fire and brimstone sure of himself paragon of corruption and its simply delicious Jerry Lacy scene chewing! He wants all the evils out of the way so he can run Collinwood the way he sees fit – but he must have some great confrontations with Quentin and scary standoffs with Barnabas first. Ironically, Trask is just as violent as the monstrous folks are and thinks his doing things for so-called righteous reasons justifies his efforts. He gaslights Judith Collins and uses Petofi’s curses for his own vile overtaking yet amazingly still spins his religious fanaticism. Gloriously, Trask does have some of his ruthlessness come back on him and gets his hands dirty along with Louis Edmunds’ Edward Collins thanks to a staking or two. Edward wanted to be the family head and now he’s stuck dealing with Trask and everything paranormal. Though an odd pairing, it’s fun trying to solve Dark Shadows’ vampire mystery because the viewer knows they are always just one step behind on the case! Edward won’t believe the Petofi possessions but ends up with his own crazy turn as a gentleman’s gentlemen locked in Collinwood’s tower: “I know my place, sir.” “This is your place!” Likewise, where Edward has the family name in mind and Trask his warped righteousness, Humbert Allen Astredo’s black magic using family lawyer Evan Handley seeks to manipulate Barnabas’ vampire secret for his own gain. Of course, this being Dark Shadows, anyone can be caught, bespelled, or zombiefied at any moment – not that any of it stops Handley from using good old-fashioned soap opera blackmail. 

 

John Karlen has some brief Dwight Frye-esque hysterics as Carl and yet he seems like the most normal person among this crazy Collins family. Once he spreads the word about the vampire, however, it will be his undoing and his now married sister Judith is too busy being under Trask’s killer influence to help. Star Joan Bennett wavers between being swept up from spinsterdom to guilt, confusion, and bitchiness amid some great zingers and slaps. Her screams may be laughable to some, but seriously spooky, fearful specters and marital mistreatments quickly follow. Nancy Barrett also mixes sin, religion, and temptation as Charity Trask but suffers from vampire lusts and manipulation by her dear Reverend father. Her complacent victim is fun and saucy yet disturbing against her frigid, fanatical righteousness. She soon sets her sights on Quentin, and the Episode 786 dream sequence provides the mesmerizing Shadows of the Night lyrics onscreen in full. Clearly, Barrett is having fun with the Pansy Faye song and dance possession, too!

The period music may seem humorous, but Roger Davis is even nuttier and clingier as the vampire handyman Dirk Wilkins. His laughable departure doesn’t last long, sadly, since Davis returns on Disc 3 as uppity, artsy fartsy painter extraordinaire Charles Delaware Tate. Thankfully, his artwork in Episode 806 sets the next phase of the tale in motion and has sweeping implications on Dark Shadows. Don Briscoe’s Tim Shaw also becomes a henchman as needed after blackmailing Reverend Trask and squeezing in on the Hand of Count Petofi action. He forgets his place and thinks he can move up the social ladder, but his 1969 character Chris Jennings is still mentioned as being locked in the mausoleum! New cast member Donna McKechnie joins Dark Shadows late on Disc 4, but her Amanda Harris adds a new element of mystery and romance. Just when one may think Dark Shadows didn’t have anywhere left to go, these new art, time travel, and immortality spins steamroll into Collection 16.  

Behind the scenes interviews on Collection 15 from David Selby, Michael Stroka, the late Louis Edmunds, and Donna McKechnie will be a treat to long time Dark Shadows fans. But then again, the perilous Styrofoam, doors opening at the wrong time, trick candles that refuse to light or go out, and more special effects on Dark Shadows are downright hysterical at times and the Hand of Count Petofi designs are no except. The blue and green sheets, that frickin’ traveling afghan, that pathetic little pendulum, and the three piece suit wearing stunt wolf Alex Stevens may seem hokey, but other visuals are surprising seamless and timely. Faux coffin creaks, spooky bat tweets, and the always great Bob Cobert mood music accentuate the dream scenery, fog, and dark lighting. When the panning cameras, zooms, booming screams, slamming doors, and lights out cooperate, it’s the exclamation on all the gothic mood and fears. Of course, the Hand leads to some wildly bad make up and pasty skin effects that are somehow ghoulishly fitting, but the kinescope versions of Episodes 797 and 813 are more disturbing thanks to séances, ghostly overlays, and Hand suspense. It makes one wish Dark Shadows could have remained in black and white just for more gothic atmosphere!

Granted, the gypsy material remains stereotypical and cliché, and some plots may seem stretched out too long or confusing if you leave off watching Collection 15 for a few days and forget what has happened. I feel like these write ups are getting longer in trying to keep track of the intricate plots and multiple characters complexities! For some audiences, Dark Shadows may seem overly ambitious or comical in this rolling out of characters, twists, and the then soap opera style that is now juicy horror camp. This is an embarrassment of riches, however, and most shows today seem to easily unravel with less material over shorter amounts of time. Ironically, new films and television series are in fact returning to Victorian gothic designs and playing at period paranormal when Dark Shadows has been doing it all along. The rapid pace, perils, monster variety, and fun loving intensity on Collection 15 make it easy to marathon and get carried away in these 1897 viewing pleasures indeed.