Too
Many Glaring Marks Hamper Gods of Egypt (not just the White Washing)
by
Kristin Battestella
Thief
Bek (Brenton Thwaites) helps the exiled god Horus (Nikolaj
Coster-Waldau) reclaim his Eye from the the evil God of the Desert
Set (Gerard Butler) in order to save his girlfriend Zaya (Courtney
Eaton) from the underworld. Along the way, both mortals and gods face
several fantastical obstacles and adventures as they seek the help of
Ra (Geoffrey Rush). Unfortunately, thanks to an abundance of poor
pacing and inferior special effects that can't compensate for the
muddled storytelling, pondering mythology, and misguided point of
view; the white washing controversy from director Alex Proyas'
(The Crow) 2016 Gods of Egypt is
just one of many problems.
An
opening prologue and panoramic special effects are nothing but empty
show when Gods of Egypt needed
to start its story with either
the gods themselves or
the mortal quest. Instead, the omnipresent narration from our thief
knows more about the gods then they do, leaving the tale padded with
messy embellishments, unreliability excuses, superfluous scenes, and
epic fakery. Assassination coups in front of the gasping crowd seem
more like a play the gods put on for mere mortals – CGI gold birds
and black jackals parkour in a reason-less fight because Gods of
Egypt didn't begin at the right point in the story and then
compounds the timeline further by restarting a year later.
Transparent graphics and always on the move cameras call attention to
themselves – every scene is panning and sweeping with people coming
or going but the visual distractions don't disguise the muddled
storytelling or the jarring, unrealistic,
embarrassing, and noticeably pale casting. Poor writing from
Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless (of Dracula Untold and
The Last Witch Hunter infamy)
likewise dumbs down the mythical and over-relies on effects rather
than explaining its world or developing any characters – leaving
Gods of Egypt a loosely
strung together montage of random cool scenes featuring a
magic carpet ride spaceship, underworld deserts, serpents chases,
temple gauntlets, and talking rock monsters. It takes an hour for the
mortal to round up the gods for some risky mission...because they
couldn't unite and do it themselves? What should be a straightforward
quest treads tires thanks to a lot of walking here or there with no
idea where the inept heroes are going or why. Viewers can't take the
fantastic risks seriously amid the quips, cliches, and convenient in
the nick of time actions leaving no weight or consequences. Serious
deaths are short or quickly forgotten unless there's a need for
underworld special effects, which kind of copy Lord of the Rings.
Are they trying to get back Horus' Eye? Are they trying to save the
gal who's actually doing alright in the underworld? Are they trying
to stop Set from being bad ass? Whatever the messy crusade, a literal
deus ex machina from Ra leaves no point to it any of it.
Apparently
personal vengeance isn't enough motivation for Nikolaj
Coster-Waldau's Horus. After he's usurped, he drinks over it until
our thief comes along to inspire him to make jokes while running away
from CGI serpents. There's no room to breath life into the character,
and despite this apparent star vehicle, there's more for Nikolaj fans
on Game of Thrones.
Gerard Butler (300)
has a great introduction as Set, but when he opens his mouth that
lovely Scottish lilt becomes laughably out of place. His scenes seem
like they are from a different movie, and Set only interacts with
everyone else in a few scenes. For
supposedly being the villain who rules over all in fear, most of
Set's speeches are sarcastic quips on said badassery, and he doesn't
actually do a whole lot beyond changing what he wants and why from
scene to scene. Brenton Thwaites (Oculus)
is a thief but also a
lover – a blasé cool cat who thinks he's better than the gods.
Bek's narrative frame and speaking out loud when he's alone is purely
to hit the audience on the head, and it's the wrong perspective on
the story for us to follow him. Bek's stealing the Eye of Horus for
his dead babe is a more important story than the vengeful gods?
Really? This entire storyline could have been red penciled to
strengthen the core, for rather than any god realizing his humanity
redemption arc, the story unbelievably bends to suit Bek's good at
everything Mary Sue. Sadly, Chadwick Boseman (Black
Panther) as Thoth – the
God of Wisdom who's more camp like Vanity Smurf rather than clever –
appears once an hour in Gods
of Egypt to kneel to the
white people and joke about liking big butts and he cannot lie. Yes,
seriously. Horus' lover Hathor is played by Elodie Young (Daredevil),
and she looks too young indeed as she easily passes between the gods
to help or hinder when convenient. Courtney Eaton (Mad
Max: Fury Road) likewise
wears inaccurate but skin bearing costumes as the sacrificial
girlfriend used for man pain, and Bek isn't even that broken up over
her because he can talk to her in the underworld and really just
wants to trick the gods into bringing her back. Rufus Sewell (Tristan and Isolde) is here too as
Set's creeper architect, and Geoffrey Rush's (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) Ra is some
kind of Lear meets Gandalf because the all seeing, all knowing ruler
of all Egypt above and below is an old, bald, white guy. Gods
of Egypt has
a large and big name ensemble that deserved more but unfortunately,
everyone here is hopelessly out of place.
Gods
of Egypt has epic music,
fiery motifs, giant gods, and traditional Egyptian iconography. The
picture is bright and colorful with golden palaces and steamy reds.
Unfortunately, all the sweeping comes in wide pans and distance
shots. The chariot escapes, fatal arrows, fake jungles, and slow
motion is down right laughable, and Gods of Egypt will
look very, very bad within five years thanks to the poor graphics.
It's obvious these visuals, regal dangers, and any sexiness are toned
down for mainstream appeal, but the overdone CGI close ups make it
seem as if all the people were filmed at different times and then
inserted into the frame together. Slowed panoramas show one good
action move, but then the rest of the fight choreography is a whole
lot of nothing leaps or parry embellishments. People fly through the
air or slam against the walls as the camera follows their swoops up,
down, or sideways, and it all makes Gods of Egypt look
too fake and fantastic – doubly so when again considering how the
point of view unevenly or conveniently goes back and forth between
mortals experiencing the fantastic and gods coming down from high.
The eponymous folks die pretty darn easy and the Mary Sue nobodies
achieve some really unbelievable feats! If every slow motion moment
spectacle was cut from Gods of Egypt, you'd
save fifteen minutes, no lie, as the continued over-reliance on
special effects borders on a partially animated feature culminating
in big battles and more slow motion falling without the people or
gods having learned a thing. I want to skip over all the weak
incidental CGI transitions, which can't build a world better than the
simplicity of courtly strife nor compensate for the poor
storytelling.
Had
Gods of Egypt been firm in
its own myth and magic and took a stance on whether this was
going to be about gods or men, it might have been really cool.
Instead the picture is presented from the wrong perspective at
the wrong point in the story and doesn't put on the right point of
view thanks to graphics being more important than the personal quest
making it impossible to suspend viewer belief. Gods of Egypt's
two hours plus never develops the world into one deserving of
that time and remains ridiculously overlong for a thrill ride action
adventure. Embarrassingly white, modern, and out of place people
contribute to the glaring storytelling problems. Rather than any
rewrite clarification on its mythology or a more multi ethnic cast,
Gods of Egypt underestimates our knowledge of omnipresent
Egyptian lore with its superficial spectacle bang for its blockbuster
buck, expecting viewers to go along with the poor slight of hand when
300 (which Hollywood is
apparently still trying to recreate) and
Stargate did it
better. Unfortunately, Gods of Egypt is
painfully unaware that the audience won't sit still for frustratingly
bad visuals, jarring whitewashing, noticeable movie machinations, and
no clear story.
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