Kristin Battestella looks back on 2023 with a pile of library sale finds, thrift haul goodies, gifts, games, TV Sets, DVDs, VHS, Books, and more!
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Getting Rid of Netflix and More Streamers
by Kristin Battestella
At the beginning of 2023, I took some Hot Takes on our Streaming Channels. Now, in another round of cost cutting and family viewing choice, we have finally said goodbye to Netflix and more thanks to rising prices and lack of content interest. Many households can't afford big streaming bucks anymore, and the saturated market makes it easy to bid adieu.
Going, Going, Gone
AMC + – This is a actually a decent service with potentially worthwhile programming across AMC, Shudder, IFC, BBC America, and Sundance. We pick it up every time there is an add on sale. However we always end up feeling guilty carrying it if we aren't actively watching or worse, forget about it and don't even notice when it expires. I also wonder how much their livestream channels on other free services eat into their subscriptions, for unless you are following their exclusives, this isn't an always must have streamer.
STARZ – Likewise, Starz is great as an add on sale for their back catalog of retro movies stemming from their Encore channels. Unfortunately, we don't watch much of their original programming – Dangerous Liaisons seemed decent but was canceled and disappeared. Rather than being an independent service, Starz seems to forget that they are best as a premium channel package licensing a lot of movies that aren't available elsewhere.
Disney + – Disney also shot itself in the foot by becoming its own service rather than partnering with an existing platform. We've seen everything vault we wanted to see. New Star Wars and Marvel shows don't appeal to us anymore. The price is getting higher despite the subscriber and content plateau. Even The Mouse realizes they over extended themselves by making series and sequels on in no exaggeration every IP ever, then canceled and disappeared many of them when no one watched. Disney should have made it's content a la carte Hubs on Hulu, and I'm sure there will be more shake ups between the two to come.
Paramount + with Showtime – Even with the lure of Star Trek originals, there's not enough for us to justify the rising costs here. Showtime alone was never worth the price, and their few horror exclusives aren't worth the extra pay point. For what should be a vast library of classic content, Paramount seems to have very little retro catalog material. Most of the shows they offer are available elsewhere – including the fellow CBS owned Pluto TV where Paramount+ is desperately advertising themselves nonstop. When we canceled, they did offer us two months free, but then I didn't even notice once it was gone.
FIOS Cable – We dropped most of our cable package years ago, but I completely forgot we didn't actually cut the cord because I don't know when I actually watched our cable last. It's a far cry from the decades of yore tying us to our television same bat time, same bat channel, yet streamers are trying to keep viewers via the same exclusivity. We were really only hanging on for local sports coverage, but the Flyers stunk last year and it was the first time I haven't watched them since they were only available on the radio in the eighties. Although I used to actively DVR shows and we'd need Max again for the TCM content, I've instead sought to sure up my physical media collection.
Netflix – After twenty years, we finally accepted there is no point in carrying the granddaddy of streaming as the price goes up and the quality of the content goes south. It feels like 95% originals I'm not watching pad their catalog – all meant to lookalike, autoplay, and chill. When there were only a handful of streamers, one could contently watch everything Netflix had to offer, but today it's impossible to keep up with everything thrown at the screen. I don't care about what is trending, most viewed, new, or popular, and retro content before the 1980s is all but nonexistent. With the DVD disc queue where one could find something unavailable elsewhere now a thing of the past, Netflix just doesn't have what we want to watch.
Keeping for Now
Prime Video – Amazon unfortunately has viewers over barrel. We won't get rid of Prime Video regardless of pricing or commercial changes because of other Prime and Amazon shopping benefits. We don't really watch any of their original content, and they already have their own ad bumpers before movies or between episodes despite the Prime commercial free claim compared to their FAST FreeVee. It's probably just a matter of time before there are no commercial free options altogether. Amazon's interface can be very frustrating and you really have to hunt for their quality content thanks to the clunky search options. However as a service it has enough catalog choices and add on options to keep us watching.
Britbox – We always have Britbox as a Prime add on subscription. We love the back catalog of British shows, and the price remains reasonably right. Having what we want to watch for the price of admission? Honestly, that's all we ask of a streamer.
Hulu – My husband watches Hulu original series and me their sitcom classics. We don't care about a lot of recent shows or reality crap and never used the ESPN option in our previous bundle, but we may return to the Hulu Live option in the future if those bum Flyers win some games. We like Hulu as a service with a quality catalog, some original perks, and customizable add on options. I only worry how Disney may run Hulu into the ground rather than realize they need this platform. There is more streaming content than consumers can ever watch, and sadly Hulu might not survive the ongoing industry upheavals.
FAST – The guilt of paying for services with exclusives we aren't watching mainly stems from our watching the free ad supported services like Tubi, Pluto TV, FreeVee, and YouTube more. Although, we are watching The Roku Channel less thanks to their absolutely obnoxious self promotion commercial loops. It's bothersome being peppered with all ads hard selling the streamer itself or it's premium parent, rather than you know, dish soap or laundry detergent. The random algorithm timed ads on FreeVee can cut in mid-sentence, too. Each interface certainly has its problems, and pop up ads now adorn the screen even when you pause. However for free catalog content with plenty of new movies and old shows to keep us entertained, we don't mind short commercials with timed notifications counting down onscreen – it's soft marketing and a chance for a bathroom break. Hot diggity.
Physical Media – What do I do when I can't find what I want streaming? I pop in the DVD or Blu-ray or even in desperation, the VHS. The continued giveth and taketh expansion and excess greed of streaming platforms are only going to drive consumers back to alternative viewing means and personal media ownership.
22 Reasons Why I'm not Excited for New Television Shows
by Kristin Battestella
Allow me this poetic list, a haiku if you will, of why I am increasingly un-enthusastic about new TV show announcements – even pre-strikes when such buzz was more likely to come to fruition.
Why are we treating storytelling like dead stock, disposable consumption?
Why should I trust the prestige of (HBO) Max now?
All Netflix shows lookalike.
Million dollar sci-fi and fantasy epics on Amazon and Apple have no buzz.
What's the point of watching a show that ends on a cliffhanger but got canceled?
Quality, prestige shows are on underseen, obscure platforms.
Series I enjoy don't get the viewer notice or award recognition they deserve.
Writers, actors, and crew aren't properly compensated for their work.
Some shows I am excited about never end up airing in North America.
Properties are announced on a platform I don't have.
Properties are announced and forgotten by time they actually air.
Properties that would intrigue me are announced and never actually get developed at all.
I forget about the shows that might have intrigued me anyway.
Shows are canceled by one streamer and shopped to another but nothing comes of it.
It's not worth paying for a every streamer for their original series.
If a streamer is unhappy with a show, they will erase it from existence.
Who knows where streamers will be in the 6 months or year it takes to produce a show?
Streamers sell off shows to FAST services as random livestream content.
Streaming series often never come to physical media.
Often the first time one hears about a show is when it's canceled.
It's tough to be excited about a show when you find out about it after it's canceled.
There's no way to ever catch up when there is just too much TV already.
The Streaming Bubble has Already Burst
by Kristin Battestella
There's much discourse on when the streaming bubble will burst, but it already has and we didn't even realize it.
Let's be honest. Exclusive content meant to lure viewers to individual platforms is out of control. Each streamer rushes to release new films that no one sees. Shows that don't trend are immediately canceled in favor of the next program. Where premium networks used to rotate four shows a year, today streamers release exclusives monthly, weekly, or even faster. Prestige names and networks flounder with projects falling through, selling off properties, pulling under watched content, or writing off completed projects. There is no content security, yet streamers are chasing audiences week to week to make sure we don't unsubscribe. Viewers, however, have gotten wise, tuning in for free trials or bundle sales to watch what we want before ditching a platform as needed. In today's post pandemic world, it's unrealistic to expedite content as if households can have every streaming service all at once. With such a topsy turvy supply and demand, the industry simply cannot sustain so many streaming services. It's not as dire as the Big Three networks in the pre-digital decades of old, but many streaming services won't survive in the current a la cart but may as well be cable model.
This lack of longevity is also not a recent problem. For all the millions invested in chasing content, no streamer has found the perfect interface style, structure, or support. How many apps have you ditched because the outdated navigation sucked and it repeatedly crashed? Technological troubleshooting makes viewers leave just as fast as the omnipresent price hikes whether we desire the latest hot content or not. Combining or die streamers repeatedly shuffle free tiers, ad tiers, and premiums in increasingly frustrating packages with unjustifiable fees compared to all the confusion. Besides, what are no ad viewers really paying for when every provider shows their own commercials before a movie and automated over the end credits anyway? Hundreds of free ad supported livestream channels have blank logo countdowns and two minute animations because they have allotted advertising space that no one has filled. When there aren't even enough commercials to keep up with our streaming demands, it really shows how out of control our 24/7 content has become.
Unfortunately, it is the niche markets that suffer most – buried in merged catalogs or disappeared altogether. Not because there wasn't an audience for it, but because the cost, technology, and limited timing leaves audiences jumping through hoops to find it. Around 10 streaming platforms is really all viewers can sustain. Even long steady platforms like Hulu or prestige networks like HBO are in jeopardy thanks to corporate wheeling and dealing that is what's business best for Disney or Warners not for what their customers want. It would be foolish for any new streamer with no name recognition or larger backing to enter the arena in 2023. Platforms thinking their original content makes them stand apart or conglomerates that pull their legacy IPs from other services for their own exclusivity are in for a consolidating collapse.
No one wants to be an add on to someone else's storefront, but can any one platform stand alone?
Amazon? Interface and originals are all over the place.
Netflix? For the price their originals are ridiculous.
Who only has ESPN+ because it's included with Disney?
Roku has original shows and Apple TV has their own hardware, but for all the Walking Dead hype, the AMC package has less than 1 million subscribers!
Who can afford the cable-like bill for all of these? You?
Who has the time to watch it all? Not I.
The dust needs to settle on who combines, falls, or survives, but right now the air is thick.
Is Straight to Series Shopping TV's Death Knell?
By Kristin Battestella
Who doesn't love it when they read the news about a new straight to series or shopped completed television order? Me.
Unfortunately, like a movie that has a one and the same writer and director with no second eye to spot the flaws and what ifs instead of thats; numerous in the can shows have been chewed up and spit out by viewers and streamers alike with no opportunity to sculpt for maximum appeal and fulfilling storytelling.
There's No Chance to Retool... In the olden days if an unpopular but prominent storyline took up too much screen time, it could be written out as the season progressed. Today, however, a show that's released with all episodes completed as is can't change any problems – leading to viewer hate, tune outs, and cancellations usually after one or two short seasons. Think of all the past shows that were retooled in their debuts and went on to glory such as Star Trek: The Next Generation. Creators often don't have access to streaming numbers or feedback but have to face the social media flak because they can't get rid of what didn't work on their show.
...Or Maximize Characterizations. Recently, I was disappointed in the Netflix series The Innocents because the weaker teen plot should have been reduced in favor of the adult science fiction parables. Sadly, though like so many other lookalike shows were quantity was more important than quality, it was canceled with no chance to fix itself. So a character is getting on the audience's nerves? In Happy Days of yore, Chuck left for college and was never heard of again. How many shows today are saddled with Cousin Oliver kids? Ditching an ill-received character is one way to save a show, but potential breakout characters and more interesting players go underutilized as what could have beens.
Budget Cuts? The cost of a completed show is already an expense paid in full. That cha-ching can get an as is show canned if marketing expectations aren't met or shelved as a write off. With short, rushed 6, 8, or 10 episode series meant to binge all at once, there's no opportunity to make cost cutting measures in media res. No one likes cutbacks, and in some past cases it terribly shows like Highlander: The Series. However, now there's no chance to trim, fine tune, and creatively survive to another reduced season.
Cliffhangers! Wannabe shrewd showrunners think if they end a show with a cliffhanger, they won't get canceled, forgotten, lost in the streaming shuffle, or ditched by their platform. Well, the crowded litter of one season Netlfix Originals proves that wrong. Completed shows have to cross their fingers rather than seeing the declining numbers and the chance to wrap up a season with a decent resolution. Unexpected limited hits scramble for inferior second years. We're at both extremes – network series trudge along with bloated episode orders and streamers prefer cheap, short quantity. Either way, viewers aren't coming back for more.
Disposability over Longevity. In the can shows are treated as content not meant to last, built quick with glossed over flaws as viewers click on the next proffered series. There's no need for continued consistency and storytelling quality when streamers don't want a title to run 3, 5, or 7 years – they want 1 or 2 years of 7 shows that are algorithm alike. Trending for a day, bottom barrel platforms, or never receiving a physical media release does not a water cooler moment make. In the long term, aren't creators hurt by blink and you miss it, disappearing, erroneously ill-received programs? The return to weekly releasing with smaller episode batches allowing in production corrections can be the answer – if the platform is stable or willing to invest in due season.
Creator Opportunity? Certainly I don't wish for the days of studio interference and terrible forced changes. Catering to an audience – or the algorithm – however, is not the answer either. Why aren't we providing time and money to hone satisfactory stories and continued television success? It's important for creators to have a production pause and be able to apply feedback on what isn't working on their show. Serial programs deserve the chance to fine tune their storytelling rather than being sold as packaged commodities of mediocre quality.
Hot Takes on Streaming Channels
by Kristin Battestella
Thanks to end of the year holiday sales, $1 or two for a month or two packages, and add on options; our house currently has a lot of streaming choices! We dropped a few and some have been disappointing, so here are my hot takes on which streaming services work – or didn't work – for us. I mean, who can keep up with all the content much less afford everything?
Always Have 'em for Better or Worse
Netflix – Reasonably I know not all of Netflix's content is originals, but at first glance, it always seems like they have nothing but originals. It's a far cry from Netflix being the original go-to place for catalog content. Other family members burn through their quantity over quality similar shows, but I am still working from a Netflix DVD queue. It's becoming slower and slower with a lot of discs saved, damaged, and not available, but sometimes it is my last resource for finding older movies.
Prime – Amazon's interface is still a pain, with free with ads FreeVee and rent or buy releases pushed to the forefront. Even their originals seem buried and unpromoted, yet at the end of the month, there is a pressuring countdown telling you the hours and minutes you have until a show expires. We seem to use Prime the most for add ons, and I end up watching more things on FreeVee since searching through Prime for what I want to see ends up eating into all the time I could have been watching something.
Hulu – Hulu seems great for current reality programming or next day airings of new network shows. That may be changing as more networks take back their own content, and I have to keep thumbing down all that reality stuff I don't want to see. We've used Hulu for different add ons as well, as HBO inside Hulu was useful when HBO Max kept crashing, and last year we had a Hulu Live package for local sports. The family has watched a lot of their original shows, but we don't really get much out of the ESPN+ option that comes with Hulu.
Britbox – Currently included with Prime, I love to hang on to Britbox for a lot of classic British shows. I don't watch as much of their current programming, but the vintage comforts are a must. It is frustrating, however, when there is a new British show I do want to see that does not come to BritBox US, forcing us to add another platform.
These Could be Worth the Money
AMC + - Shudder, IFC, and Sundance come with the AMC package, providing great horror originals, odd indies, and retro comedy. It's odd to have so many loud commercials on their livestreams – especially when there are AMC showcase channels and marathon livestreams available on The Roku Channel. I've also done been over Walking Dead content forever. However, with a hefty back catalog and if you are invested in their shows or recent Anne Rice originals, this could be worth the bang for the buck. We tend to carry it for awhile, then drop it when we aren't actively using it, but then pick it up again during a sale.
STARZ – We have had STARZ both as Hulu and Prime add ons as deals come and go, but this streamer really benefits from the Encore channels included in their package thanks to great older films and retro content. I really like their livestreams and being able to just click and have a fun movie on in the background. I don't watch a lot of their original programming, so we're not adding on to expressly see their content, but the movie catalog often keeps its worth.
Disney + – My family members eat up all things Marvel and The House of Mouse, but the new stuff really does not interest me. I have my usual classic comfort movies and comedies in my list, but I often forget Disney is where they are. Occasionally we will drop Disney for a little while, but then something someone wants to see brings us back, which obviously is their M.O. with the constant new release Marvel and Star Wars shows. There will always be a certain audience here no matter how stagnant the rest of their programming.
Acorn TV – We recently had then dropped this BritBox competitor that offers more UK and Australian content. I like their documentaries and educational shows, but rather than wait for Down Under TV I want to see like Jack Irish stream here, I just buy the DVDs. I feel like this is the type of service to get when you expressly want enough of their exclusive programs to make it worthwhile.
Apple TV – Likewise recently canceled, my husband watched all the shows he wanted to watch and now there is no reason to keep it until new seasons come around again. There are some great Apple programs, and I wanted to watch The Essex Serpent but never got around to it. However this interface is also very confusing to me, muddled together as both prestige TV and a content provider? Though now available on the Roku TVs, it was also very weird when we needed a separate Apple TV box with it's own fancy remote control. It reminded me of Chromecast in the days of yore.
Freebies!
The Roku Channel – Now that you can add a save list on the Roku Channel, I end up watching this free option quite a bit. There are also a bunch of Live TV channels that make background options and channel surfing easy. The new Roku search isn't the best – some of our TVs include Netflix in the results while others do not thanks to updates and technicalities I'm sure. Fortunately, there are a lot of older shows or forgotten movies available here. They do have originals like Chrissy's Court, ads of which I'm tired of seeing, but the two minutes or less bumpers are negligible compared to cable commercials that go on so long you forget what you were watching.
Tubi TV – For all these pay services, we probably watch Tubi more. They have some great old horror movies, classic television shows not available elsewhere, and more recent movies rotating per month. Granted some of their original content is a hot mess, but the catalog is easily searched and organized, with unique categories and reasonable leaving soon notifications.
Vudu – Vudu has a lot of the same free content available on Tubi or FreeVee, but occasionally they have different movies available. Their movie collections to buy can also be worth the price when they are larger franchise sets that include all the movies and all the features or bonuses that used to often be found on DVD or blu-ray sets. Why have all the extras never made it onto streaming platforms?
I'm Unsure about These, Honestly
HBO Max – We finally let this go recently, and now I see the prices have been raised while they are dropping content left and right. I wasn't impressed with their originals and the interface was always impossible. I was really only hanging on for their TCM content, and we are leery of what is going to happen to the core HBO catalog when all this Discovery combo hogwash is said and done. I wouldn't pay that price to slog through such reality crap when I all want to see is classics. It's fascinating that everyone and their grandma rushed to have their own streaming service, yet now Warner is selling off it's big titles to other platforms.
Paramount + – The fam of course is here for all the new Star Trek content, but I use Paramount mostly for older movies and the livestreams. They have some great comedies, but a lot of their content is available elsewhere, so it seems like this is another that is only worth it if you are watching their latest of the moment original. They don't even have all the Star Trek movies!
MGM + – We had this briefly when it was Epix, but now the rebranding as MGM+ adds confusion with Prime since Amazon owns MGM, right? As Epix, it only had a few shows and old movies that seemed bottom of the streaming services barrel, yet now they are getting more originals and some of those British shows that don't come to BritBox. So this is going to continue to be a separate service with its own original content? I don't think I'd pay for this separately again, but it will be interesting to see if this is folded into Prime at some point.
Peacock – Honestly, I confuse what is on Peacock and Paramount, even though I know one is CBS and the other is NBC. There isn't much with the free ad options, a lot of the paywall content is similar to Hulu, and maybe I just don't watch enough current NBC shows to make it worthwhile? It seems like a lot of their classic content is still licensed to other platforms, but we'll probably be picking this up again when it is time to watch another season of a current show the family is following. I am also baffled by them moving Days of Our Lives to Peacock only. You expect old ladies to sign up for soaps?
Screambox – We had this briefly as a Prime add on during a sale. We watched a lot of the retro horror movies, then forgot about it before we remembered to cancel it. I had some of the movies in my queue, which showed that they were also available with the AMC+ Shudder package. I think there are a lot of these cheap horror channels, but they usually only have a few movies that aren't available on the dime a dozen free horror stations.
Wondrium – I really liked this platform when it was just the Great Courses Channel. Although the interface was a pain whether it was an add on or the stand alone with more content, this rebranding added so many more filler documentaries that aren't up to par with the academic options found in The Great Courses. Frankly, the name is dumb, too, and it's sad The Great Courses couldn't survive without a merger. Even if I'm in the mood for a Great Courses deep dive, it's a chore to get into this service now.
Not Worth It, Sorry
Cinemax – It's pretty bad when my husband says that Cinemax isn't even worth the $1 sale! Rather than any network originals like they used to have in the cable glory days or even any saucy Skin content of old, the catalog here is pretty bereft. The handful of livestreams are the only thing marginally interesting here, as they show movies that are also available on HBO Max. It leaves Cinemax still seemingly like a second run HBO, and I wonder where this will end up with the Warner Discovery chopping block.
Showtime – If you are invested in a Showtime original series, this could be worth the price, but I can't imagine why else you would pay the full $10 a month here. There are some newer release movie exclusives and catalog binges, but this is another one that feels like a waste when added on with Prime. Paramount also seems like they are going to reclaim the brand for their service. They already advertise what's available on Showtime in their categories in order to force you to add Showtime on there, and I kind of hate that hard sell. I'm also still miffed how they did Penny Dreadful dirty, but that's another story.
Shiz, having all these full price would be more expensive then cable. I do still have a basic cable plan, but I can't tell you the last time I watched it. Next I think we may venture into YouTube TV territory, but we'll see how the wallet feels. After all, did I get a VCR to HDMI converter to watch movies only available on VHS? Yes.
"A" Horrors list!
by Kristin Battestella
What happens when you alphabetize your Netflix queue? Three “A” horror movies in a row! Fortunately, these feminine horrors, period pieces, and cinema scares bring a decent “A” game, too.
Amulet – Debut writer and director Romola Garai's (Angel) 2020 feminine horror spin has many of the same faults as other writer/director combos in need of a fine tuning second eye. Overly arty shots, zooms, and angles that may or may not be significant pad a longer than necessary duration that's very slow, and the weird for the sake of it sometimes gets in the way of otherwise fine gore. The lack of subtitles and soft dialogue muddle what should be intriguing characterizations, and dual storytelling will be confusing to some thanks to dreams, flashbacks, and little explanation on who, where, and when. Nothing happens until the final fifteen minutes, leaving potentially fascinating monsters, demons, and magic without equal attention. Fortunately, haunting melodies and out of focus blurs immediately create unease and distortion amid foggy mountains, lovely forests, shelter cots, and hospital haggard. Seemingly kind nun Imelda Staunton (Harry Potter) sends our soldier to work in a cluttered fixer upper with dusty old things, shabby wallpaper, and a fearful young woman caring for her ill mother in the attic. Suspect cooking, ravenous seconds, and bite marks create innuendo between the bachelor and our pretty girl, but gross plumbing, bloody linens, black water, and an albino bat in the toilet bowl lead to freaky scares. Choking attacks, gutted fish squishes, knives, and stabs in a vaginal looking throat lead to confessed mistakes, rapaciousness, bone cracking revelations, and unforgiving ancient gods. Mirrored clues, cigarettes hints, and jewelry suggestions add to the deranged as supposedly good men still ain't shit. Shell motifs and a surreal reentering of the womb make for some wild scenery in the standout finale as man gets to know what a woman's lot in life feels like – and it is not an undeserved punishment. Although this won't be for everyone, the symbolic imagery and well done gore have heaps to say for fans of feminine horror.
Anguish – Bigas Lunas (Jamon Jamon) directs Zelda Rubenstein (Teen Witch) in this 1986 Spanish meta brimming with gross eyeballs, mama's boy killers, and onscreen warnings about subliminal suggestions and medical assistance in the theater lobby. Birds and knitting at home with mom should be quaint, but cages, snails, shells, and ticking clocks accent the bizarre relationship. Up close surgeries and poking and prodding around the eyes escalate to opera drowning out the screams and black tie snobbery marred with blood. Reverse countdowns, heartbeats, regression, and telepathic commands match the staircase fights and stabbing instruments as the violence is both precision and opportunistic. The squeamish audience watching The Mommy herein the dark cinema, however, can't look away as they eat their popcorn because, after all, it's only a movie. Hypnosis captivates the internal viewers, taking its time with the deceptive ebb and flow spiral imagery. Unlike today's desensitizing in your face and excessive slight of hand, seeing a person in fear helps us relate to the terror as it slows down, making room to ramp it up rather than just being out of control up up up numbing all the time. Precious few exterior establishing shots place but don't break immersion amid shrewd use of what's in and out focus and multiple layers of horror. Visually there's also a sense of depth; actions aren't 3D thrust out at us but characters within must move deeper and look around the corner as the doors are locked and the killer roams. Shushing spectators go on eating more popcorn regardless of the titular discomforts around them because the make believe cinema within a cinema mirror imagery is more important to them. Men in the ladies room chills and theater shootings are real world disturbing – a prophetic analysis on movie obsessions and how we view everything through someone else's lens. The films, tears, and violence merge thanks to panic and helplessness as the life imitating art goes too far. The only resource is “Let's go find a phone booth,” and mother takes matters into her own hands amid police in the projection room and hostages in front of the movie screen. The last resort is to stop the movie and turn up the lights, but the picture asks, “What are you looking at?” while the credits roll in this surprisingly smart commentary on our voyeuristic tendencies.
Apostle – Picturesque views, lovely mountains, and 1905 train whistles lead to shady docks, rough travels, and an isolated Welsh island commune in this 2018 Netflix Original starring Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey) and Michael Sheen (Underworld). Opium addicts are not up to the journey, but personal items are to be left behind, for “She” decides what to give or take. Three escapees founded the community with “Her voice” – the goddess of the island who saves those who are godless. Lanterns, creepy hymns, fire and brimstone sermons, and ghostly figures in the window escalate to spying and bloodlettings amid hidden doors under the rug, skeleton keys, and scary barns in the forest. Despite obvious Wicker Man inspirations; the poisoned crops, deformed animal births, recitations, and blasphemers don't underestimate the audience by pretending the moss, fog, caves, and mystical trees are innocent or quaint. Fears over low supplies, the king's ships, and infiltration begat swords, spears, torches, and threats. Ominous, pulsing music accents the shaking and withdrawals as the mysteries intensify thanks to shrieking old ladies suggesting earlier sirens, ancient writings, and goddess worship. Boxer Rebellion torment and burning crosses add to the previous loss of faith and unanswered prayers. Is anyone pure or is the divine an illusion? The Scriptures, however, come in handy for convincing the cult faithful to beware the wolf in sheep's clothing. Leaders who believed their original free society concept grow weary over the violence, crimes, and consequences as the community divides over innocent bloodshed. The turn of the century rural gives way to medieval-esque torture with purification rituals, gory cuts, black hoods, shackles, and false prophets. Man thinks he can imprison a goddess and control her, dictating who will be sacrificed or starved. The patriarchy doesn't want anything taken from it – especially control or its daughters – but the lies and manipulation assure the goddess will have her say. At over two hours, the slow burn grows flabby with too many tangents. It's difficult to believe so much happens in just a few days, and the organized religion bad but faith or natural worship good mixed messages commentary unravel with inconsistencies, rushing at the end when again a second pair of eyes would have helped writer and director Gareth Evans (The Raid). Although the religious food for thought mystery fumbles, the period mood and folk atmosphere here provide unique entertainment.
Yes, I still have a Netflix DVD queue. Don't judge me. 😁
Poor Start hurts the Intriguing The Innocents
by Kristin Battestella
The 2018 Netflix international production The Innocents opens the eight episode science fiction drama with perilous chases, cliff side pleas, and doppelgangers in “The Start of Us.” Multi lingual interrogations and so called Sanctum Norway communes for women in need of a special treatment create ominous while transformations, triggers, secrets, and agoraphobia invoke fear. Positive therapies go awry thanks to nightmares, tests, and sedatives while parents must make major decisions to keep the family safe. Roadside suspense, scary strangers, injections, and would be abductions lead to surprises and revelations in “Keep Calm, Come to No Harm.” Frantic body swaps and unknown medical conditions are no match for the titular mantras amid school troubles, police inquiries, and escalating experiments. Past fears raise the tension and pleas to stop the tests, but convulsions and pursuits lead to more shape shifting. The ladies must remember who they are to come back from each transformation as they wonder what terrible mothers they are and why they have this pain. “Bubblegum & Bleach” adds paranoia and jealously – relatives and cops aren't on the same page. Unfortunately, in the first three episodes of The Innocents, the suspicious Norway science takes a backseat to teen lipstick, love letters, and runaway dreams. Voiceovers lay on the lovey dovey when we could have met the romance in media res upon escape. Brief, fast moving, intercut scenes jumping from story to story don't let any build up get off the ground as back and forth emotions change without explanation. Adults are treated as foolish, dismissing information while the lovebirds don't immediately search a man's belongings even after he shows them a message about her mother's whereabouts. Details are withheld for contrived revelations quickly forgotten as the carefree teens run through the park holding hands. Despite dangerous roads and car accidents, the protagonists act too young to drive, much less rent hotel rooms. Seeing them half dressed and making out is weird, and for such an in love couple, sex doesn't initially even occur to them until drug hostels and dangerous influences. Neon lights, body glitter, and back room whips are downright ridiculous, and it's extremely tempting to fast forward through the overlong clubbing. It's not entertaining, nay it's terribly frustrating to see more intriguing characters held back so the least interesting youths can bungle into the conclusions viewers already know.
Thankfully, the fourth episode “Deborah” finally gets to the sci-fi backstory with flashbacks to disbelieving bar meetings and patients afraid of touching deemed paranoid schizophrenics. The shape shifting trauma can be controlled, but morphs into a pregnant nurse are disturbing. Unrequited feelings and mixing business with pleasure acerbate the identity questions as positive sessions lead to choices. Instead of a woman being defined by her man or as a mother, maybe she can have her own life. The performances and confrontations show what The Innocents can do when focused on the meatiest material, and one might even skip the first three episodes and begin here. Love can keep you calm or memories of losing it can be your trigger in “Passionate Amateur” as a viral video of a shifting encounter leads to our teens trusting anonymous strangers they meet on the internet. However, family investigations and abusing police jurisdiction provide better help or hindrance and tears over the inability to protect those that are different. Rare mixings of memories and mental questions about the shifting make for provocative complications, and “Not the Only Freak in Town” offers abusive connotations, couples divided, and injured loved ones. Characters pair up and demand answers as detectives consider the preposterous possibilities and women keep secrets from each other. Again, this is one of the better hours because the teen stories take a backseat to three special women around a campfire waxing on who they loved and never told, the men they were supposed to love and didn't, and making safe choices or taking a crazy midnight swim. They aren't monsters but there's no cure – and a warning from a rogue shifter suggests this Sanctum may not be what it seems. Genetic specifics and Norway suspicion is where The Innocents should have been all along, and the taut journey to this isolated island at the end of the world means there's nowhere to run. “Will You Take Me Too?” details the physiological reaction to emotional pressure and evolving shift experiences, but foolish arguments lead to water perils and boat mishaps. How do you save someone from drowning when you can't touch them? Switches among too many people leave some comatose, and men fight about past encounters that ruined more than one family. Idyllic reunions are too good to be true thanks to apologies, abandonment, and doing wrong for the right reasons. Just because you can get the answers you want doesn't mean you should. Community disruptions and compelling character pain fall back on entitled teen sappiness when The Innocents was going so well without it, but players say one thing and do another for “Everything. Anything.” Parents can't protect their children, and the past is distorted with failing memories, violence, and forced shifts. This therapy doesn't hold up under scrutiny, and those who object are unwelcome amid gunshots and excellent intensity as previous commune residents return. The Innocents is superb when it sticks with this not so perfect hamlet and its fantastical women who must face the consequences of their actions whether they are absolved in all the shifting or not. Conflicts between strong women's bonds and rival leeching men escalate toward excellent confrontations, extreme treatments, sacrifices, and betrayals.
Sorcha Groundsell's (Far from the Apple Tree) sheltered sixteen year old June McDaniel doesn't want to move away with her strict dad, and for all the in love hype, one wonders if she's only using her boyfriend Harry to escape. She puts a girl in a coma before she takes this shifting seriously yet still takes too long to deduce what's happening, toiling around London hostels for drinks, parties, and girl kisses. She's easily manipulated, a wishy washy follower bending to her environs without the shifting – going round and round on the sex and drug shifting metaphors while her increasingly annoying bad experiences ultimately take advantage of Harry. June's selfishness makes her very unlikable; she ignores the commune's delicate balance, sneaks around to get what she wants, and foolishly puts her mother Elena at risk. She never gets a clue despite every opportunity to learn, and Percelle Ascott (Wizards vs Aliens) as Harry Polk gives up everything because he's in love with June. He wants to call the police or return home, but June doesn't care if he is completely freaked and traumatized because he continually professes his love. Harry calls his mother and goes on job interviews, sticking with June even if he objects to her excitement at swapping lives. She needs him to keep herself calm, but June ignores when Harry's skeptical of meeting shifters on the internet. She dismisses his theories on other shifters using people, and we're glad when he tells her to stop being a poser, think for herself, and decide what she wants. Nonetheless, one warning phone call about Sanctum and he's in pursuit, loving her at the expense of himself. The metaphors are spot on when Harry ends up physically trapped, because he is wasting his life on being consumed by June. The Innocents' finale isn't an unfortunate cliffhanger but rather the inevitable conclusion. Mother Laura Birn (A Walk Among the Tombstones) likewise worries for June and struggles with her shifting therapy. Elena thinks this is not a gift but a curse. She fears she'll go mad if she recalls her past trauma, and we should have seen more of her story beyond brief flashbacks and arguments. She's not ready to meet June when she arrives at Sanctum, regretting her need to put herself first and afraid of what kind of bad mother she must be. Unfortunately, June rushes Elena, intruding on memories and revelations that aren't her business – ignoring her mother's warnings that love will only cause pain.
Doctor Guy Pearce (Lockout) says he's with a patient at every step, but Ben Halvorson has a checklist and won't let anything jeopardizing his work. He seems sensitive, helpful, even loving – Ben doesn't think he is the egotistical male villain – but he's clearly using these women to achieve his own goals. Ben will stay by his wife's bedside as needed but flies to London to retrieve June and tricks another cured patient ready to leave into staying by using her trigger phrase. He's enthralled by June and Elena's shifting capabilities and kicks other men out of Sanctum when not repeatedly selling his motivational what we do here is good speeches. Halvorson has some great revelations in last two episodes, and The Innocents should have delved into his duplicity more. Ingunn Beate Oyen's (Witch Hunt) Runa loves Ben and their work and encourages the other women despite their therapy fears, but her own early dementia and drinking is getting worse. Runa's proof the re-centering program works, but she's totally dependent on Ben and the illness puts her shifting at risk. She doesn't trust herself and grows jealous, angry, and afraid Elena and June will replace her. The best scenes in The Innocents are between Pearce and Oyen – Runa hides her condition and can't be consoled physically but won't spend her remaining time as herself crying, either. Unfortunately, the audience doesn't know what to make of Johannes Haukur Johannesson (Cursed) and his creepy contortions. Steinar's heartfelt backstory, emotional conversations, and tender moments conflict with the would be menacing chases and ominous pursuits, and the back and forth does the character a disservice. Sam Hazeldine (Prime Suspect) as John McDaniel also has his reasons for protecting his children yet they're angry at him for his regimented ways. John writes a humble birthday card to his daughter and facilities an isolated annex for his agoraphobic son Arthur Hughes (Jonesy), but he's still treated like the bad guy. John almost gives up because whatever he does is considered wrong, and upon hiking to the Sanctum, he even apologizes to June and that's still not good enough. Nadine Marshall's (The Smoking Room) Detective Christine Polk struggles to balance her past and personal ties while investigating the McDaniel case, too. She independently puts together previous crimes, comas, and how her husband Philip Wright (EastEnders) also became a victim. Christine has the hospital video and mismatched reflections photos, but her assistance and resources are treated as unimportant until required. Of course, the irony is that the entire adult ensemble was so deserving of the show's focus that we wonder if the teen connections were needed at all.
Fortunately, great forests, lovely mountains, and beautiful rivers set The Innocents apart. Compared to other genre Netflix shows that all seem to use the same dark house sets, bright location filming and aerial views are calm and quaint. In spite of the shady implications and rogue medicine, these plague days we wouldn't mind living in this pretty, isolated commune! Big monitors, slides, and record players make for a primitive set up, but the older tapes, phones, and technology accent the unpolished rural. Mirrors, double glass overlays, and reverse camera angles talking to one's reflections create visual duplicity while ironic classical music sets off the cruel experimentation. The soon to be dated hip tunes, unfortunately, are loud, obnoxious, and intrusive. The skipping strobe and auto tune shrill made me think there was something wrong with the sound or the streaming! Even if the soundtrack is to your taste, the music montages are ridiculously overused. The Innocents has unnecessary, annoying music interludes sometimes every five minutes – precious time that could have been about character development not ~aesthetics. I must however give props to the ice hockey game on at the Norwegian bar! The Innocents starts slow yet busy with frustrating, uneven storytelling. More interesting adult plots take a backseat to typical teen angst. Thankfully, the second half moves much faster, and the series is best when it drops the dippy teen experience for the real world drama that happens to have suspicious science fiction afoot. This is a very neat concept, and The Innocents had potential for greatness, but it should have been four episodes or a taut movie. It's easy to marathon the superior back end of The Innocents if you hang in for that long, but provocative ideas about women's roles and identities are trapped in an eye rolling juvenile structure that's so damn easy to quit on at the forefront.
Spanish Netflix Horrors!
By Kristin Battestella
At times, it's tough muddling through the foreign Netflix content and re-branded continental originals padded with run of the mill scares. Fortunately this trio of short and long form international Netflix productions featuring Basque witch hunts, Mexican demon hunters, and transatlantic wartime mysteries provides plenty of unique thrills.
Coven of Sisters – Burning pyres and whispers of witches communing with Lucifer jump right into the 1609 Basque torment in this award winning 2020 international/Spanish Netflix production. Seventy-seven executions and counting mar the beautiful cliffs, picturesque ships, and moss forests as royal judges seek out maritime towns where women have been left alone and apparently up to no good. Excellent carriages, armor, frocks, and stoneworks provide period mood as our happy girls weave and dream of far off places. They are captured and stripped with bags over their heads and fear evident thanks to questions about summoning Beelzebub. The girls point fingers at each other – wavering from confident of their innocence and nonchalant about the witch accusations to quivering and afraid after beatings and shaved heads. Tension builds in the one room unknown as suspicions and confessions raise the frazzled interrogations and double talk entrapment. Guards ask if they offer themselves to Lucifer while prodding with needles and searching their bodies for any devil's mark. Where did the devil stick his tail in them? Did they dance? Dancing spreads fanaticism! There are no fast intercut montages or fake outs toying with the audience, just in scene interplay with eerie screams and uninterrupted singsong. They make up chants and have their jailers procure oddities for this supposed sabbath ritual, but it isn't a game when those sinister captors devoutly persecuting every blasphemy readily jump to devilish conclusions. Men wonder if they are bewitched by the tempting supple, pressing the weary girls into saying what they want to hear, and these daughters stall to avoid the stake, hoods, torches, and shackles until their sailing fathers return. They hope to escape during the full moon, so one tells a wild tale with preposterous twists in hopes of taking blame to save the others. Our supposedly learned, religious men bemusingly believe every fantastic turn, and after witnessing all our recent stateside strife, it's not surprising how this kind of pitchfork hysteria and mob idiocy spreads. If they want to see a witches sabbath, the girls may as well makes fools of them complete with mushrooms, contortions, and flying. This is an excellent presentation on allure, hypocrisy, and consequences in a unique, horrible history setting made easily accessible thanks to several subtitle and language options.
Diablero – This 2018-20 Mexican Netflix series based on the book by the late Francisco Haghenbeck is oddly structured with fourteen episodes ranging between a few forty minute episodes and mostly shorter half hour entries. Despite steady directors and a regular writers room, the pace is uneven, treading tires over demonic puzzle pieces while prologues each episode give the viewer the same information twice. Voices are soft compared to loud violence, and the subtitles don't exactly match the spoken languages. Silly tentacles, levitations, and in your face demon roars are unnecessary, and the hot priest in a towel is weird, too. Fortunately, shadowed stabbings, hooded attackers, and demonic abductions are frightening. Edgy music and Mexico City panache accent the last rites, chaos, and evil spirits trapped in bottles. There's a lot to establish with ecclesiastics, creepy ephemera, steampunk gadgets, and mystical mixed cultures. However great characterizations anchor the quicksilver weapons and uneasy alliances. Career oriented cardinals and ineffective police can't help with these demonic problems, but others struggle to accept why God allows these things to happen, if he ever even existed, or if humanity has been abandoned. Missing bodies, occult symbols, burned flesh, deceptive encounters, eerie eyes, and demonic dissected lab rats deepen the scary while seedy criminal shenanigans provide sassy humor. Despite knife standoffs, morgue switch-a-roos, and intriguing connections between pregnant women, simpletons, abused nuns, and significant birth dates; it takes half the First Season to get anywhere with the secret organizations, intertwined family histories, and spells. Our Priest is correct in saying events happen for nothing and they should investigate properly. Seeing the abducted daughter amid demon chases, false escapes, and no reception close calls doesn't let us wonder on her fate. We can read such meanwhile but here the detours detract from what should be a much more focused story. Unnecessary psychic demon vessels with cool headphones, uncomfortable self-harm emo angst, and awkward man of the cloth flirtations waste time by creating more problems – slowing plot progression and stumbling on to one piece of information per episode. Their diablero dad asks why they didn't come for his help sooner when the answers were right under their noses, and the rocky relationships and diablera expertise are disjointed between more flashbacks and underutilized spooky bookstores before rushing into end of the world by dawn countdowns. Subtle possessions, the Church knowing more than it's saying, and evil conclaves toying with life and death are much more chilling. Nahuatl invocations, Latin exorcisms, salt circles, and demon summonings add horror while nightmares, violence at the altar, and scary witches with freaky voices provide great revelations. Bewitching teas, earthquakes, four horsemen of the apocalypse parallels, archaeological clues, dark caverns, and evil children finally bring our players together as our reluctant heroes wax on what they'll do if they survive amid traffic jam humor and #endoftheworld selfies. The intense action, quality demon effects, ulterior motives, and faith are well done as bittersweet reunions and meteorite cover ups lead into the more colorful Season Two. Despite some resolutions, our crew struggles against demon drugs, slimy goo, and dominatrix diableras. Some want to be normal but demons ruin the dinner date with messages from the other side. Gas oven rituals and hidden night club comic relief escalate to Mictlan barges of the dead and in limbo rescues. Monster exorcisms fail against mad science experiments thanks to mystical keys, surprising murders, grave digging, and cranky undead relatives. Chosen children, angel possessions, family flashbacks, and deals with death are repetitive and players from the First Season are dismissed for new characters. The anonymous villain clichés are also unnecessary as are lez be friends baiting and the frigging sex with the priest, but fortunately, the plot is more personal and taut in Year Two thanks to diablera training, reincarnation, and demon mind games. Thunderstorms and haunted house encounters are well done alongside monstrous transformations, bloody smoothies, funerals, and sacrifices. Shootouts and revenge culminate in surprising deaths and a bemusing if left open for more finale. The intriguing story, great world building, and fine characters meander with one step forward, two steps back frustrations, but the good versus evil adventures come together in the end. Without such unfocused structural flaws, this could have gone on for another two seasons.
High Seas – The twenty-two episode 2019 Spanish murder mystery Alta Mar jumps right into the action with stowaway suspense, albatross omens, and murder aboard a post-war luxury cruise liner en route from Spain to Brazil. High end period detail including hats, gloves, brooches, satin, stoles, frocks, and cigarettes matches the Art Deco splendor, sumptuous colors, inlaid woodwork, and divine staircases. Impressive ship visuals and Titanic engineering specs provide scale alongside maze like halls, askew angles, turbulent waves, and thunderstorms. Jazzy ballads and grand ballrooms create mood before intrepid writers, telegrams, cryptic conversations, and suspicious midnight rendezvous raise the disappearances, accusations, and blackmail. In debt Lotharios, lecherous in-laws, and handsome officers clash with underbelly workmen and disgruntled servants, and the episodic chapters allow time for plots high and low. Course changes and defying orders question who's in charge – the aging captain, wealthy owners, angry shareholders, or the slimy ship detective? Ominous cargo holds, stolen lipstick, lockets, typewriters, and ransacked rooms escalate to man overboard emergencies, fires, and promises to take one's secrets to the grave. Intertwined crimes are resolved as new twists and turns are well balanced between the dramatic love triangles, faked accidents, and fishy business deals. Microfilm clues and poisoned cocktails reveal previous conspiracies, past motives, and Nazi gold. It's dangerous to wander the secret passages amid power outages, red lights, and increasingly dark corridors, yet surprising deaths aren't what they seem thanks to mad doctors and tick tock countdowns. Blinding blows, chases, castaways, and an SOS start Season Two alongside tarot cards, psychic clues, and seances. Crackling intercoms, bloody bodies on the bed, ghosts, dead women walking on deck, spooky phone calls, and more paranormal are not out of the blue, but rather a natural progression of the escalating circumstances. However, is the vintage Ouija an elaborate ruse or are there really evil spirits starboard? The ship becomes a character of its own with messages on the mirror, old fashioned spy gadgets, lifeboat rigs, and daring escapes. Too many lies, betrayals, and forged letters acerbate wedding shocks, secret pregnancies, and business takeovers. There are some soap opera slaps in the face, too! Shipwreck deceptions and bodies in trunks culminate in one final kicker before Year Three takes a new course from Buenos Aires to Mexico. Our writer published a novel about the cruise experience, but strange suitors at the bookstore and a spooky antique shop lead to British Intelligence and objectives to track down an incoming passenger who's really a Nazi doctor carrying a deadly virus. It's fun to see who's back for better or worse – same crew, servants in new ship staff positions, fresh crisscrossing romances. A second sister ship will travel behind with expensive cargo, but a man is shot on the first night out and bodies end up in the car boot in the hold. Do you up security and alarm the passengers? Those who know about incriminating notes are indisposed via fevers, injections, and Luger murder weapons. Bandaged patients aboard provide intrigue amid suspicious radio transmissions, magic disappearing acts, and dark room suspense. Missing photographs, doppelgangers, and torturous know how make for shady alliances, but one can't worry about scruples after an innocent man is dead. Code decryption, trick lighters, and secret cameras uncover planted evidence, sinister green tubes, and ruinous revenge as gaslighting, threats, and mutiny lead to armed standoffs and shocking gunshots. Concentration camp survivors recall sadistic doctors who enjoyed what they did, but evil lookalikes slip up thanks to disguises and a scrumptious masquerade ball with perfect lighting, glam, and gowns. Life or death maydays raise the outbreak finale, yet it is strange to see vintage masks, quarantines, and plague panic these days. Coughing and spreading symptoms remind us of our socially distant reality, but prayers, ulterior motives, and divided sisters add to the evacuations, knives, and showdowns. Rescue warships would rather sink than save, but vaccines come in the nick of time – with a twist or three. The destination pacing and cliffhangers are easy to marathon, but it's a pity Netflix turned its back on this series. Nothing here is superfluous thanks to Shakespearean asides, whispers in the gallery, and well done mysteries. Obviously this not being full on horror may disappoint some, however the period atmosphere, sweeping melodrama, and gothic twists remind me of Dark Shadows' earlier years.
Netflix also has a bad habit of not promoting its branded foreign content. It's apparent their current model is quantity over quality, populating its catalog with as much original and proprietary premieres as possible – presuming you'll binge one and stay for the next recommend similar click and chill. Remember, it's in their best interest to keep you streaming. Sometimes that works and you find great shows! However more often than not it means unique movies get lost in the shuffle and shows that deserve more time are dropped after a few seasons. This leaves a lot of unfulfilling filler – especially in the horror and genre categories which seem to have the most flotsam and jetsam.
