Recent Religious Horrors

 

Recent Religious Horror

by Kristin Battestella

This trio of 2020s frights takes on evil in several forms. However, some results are better than others are – ranging from decent to frustrating and downright bad viewing experiences.

Pretty Good

The First Omen – Sonia Braga (Kiss of the Spiderwoman), Bill Nighy (Underworld), and Charles Dance (Game of Thrones) provide supporting gravitas in this 2024 prequel to The Omen co-written by debut director Arkasha Stevenson (Vessels). Tolling bells, scaffolding perils, and shattered glass begat shadowed confessions and whispers of unnatural conceptions. Black hoods, bound rituals, pregnancy, blood, and pleas to not be touched again make for a chilling start before the sunny arrival of our friendly American nun at the 1971 Roman orphanage. The old corridors look shabby with an amber, aged patina, and we wonder what goes on in this villa filled with women. These nuns smoke and giggle about the milkman, however union protests and youth counterculture that distrust church authority worry the Cardinal. Our novice recounts being a problem child herself, punished and subdued as a ward of the church for what was said to be an overactive imagination. She's reluctant to sneak out and hit the neon disco but soon gets into the dancing and sweaty kisses before regrets, kneeling, and prayers. Lookalike women, sisterhood suggestions, lesbian taboos, and repeated creepy hair fanning out upon the pillows foreshadow more while an excommunicated priest warns of evil things happening. Immolation, delirious weirdness, and monstrous nasty provide what we think we see in the dark fears amid eerie frescoes, hidden rooms, and disturbing offspring. Pregnancy is not a beautiful experience but gory with medical tools and horrible visions of demon hands and orifices. Backward chants and altars treat the Cesarean as ceremony – escalating to claws, growls, retching, convulsions, and baby cries. The elders claim this abomination is a miracle to save the church, however viewers will know what's what re mother and jackal before the ninety minute mark, and this didn't need to be two hours. Pointless arty shots and short cryptic scenes are disjointed while silly jump scares negate the more natural simmering horror mood. Swelling music calls attention to itself, heralding the spooky when the chorales should only be heard as diegetic and innate to the ritual vows. The revelations are overdone with repeated mark of the beast questions and Antichrist goals that don't make much sense when the sixth month, sixth hour, sixth day approaching should have driven the plot. Though very atmospheric and overall entertaining thanks to sudden, disturbing horrors; the last half hour drags on with fiery slow motion and but wait there's more too many endings. Instead of leading up to the picture of Gregory Peck and fin, this overstays its welcome by eking out room for The First Exorcism 2: Boogaloo.

Frustrating

The Harbinger – Native American seer Irene Bedard (Smoke Signals) educates writer/director/producer/star Will Klipstine (The Evolution of Andrew Andrews) on saving his damned daughter in this devilish 2022 tale. Hangings, mysterious death relics, and burning in hell declarations lead to our on the go family refusing the psychologist's concerns. Sunny flashbacks of happier times are oddly intercut with a cliché driving montage and an ominous gas station stop before an annoying neighbor gives the newcomers the bigoted scoop on the nearby cursed reservation. Our daughter kills a frog and pushes children out of the tree house, but the something evil afoot parental arguments are too on the nose – forcing the sinister amid disjointed scenes that don't happen organically. Viewers wonder what's on purpose, deflection, or padding as more caricature neighbors come and go. Little miss creepy is unwelcome at the reservation, but our seer both says there is no hope for such evil yet there is something they can do. Although not stereotypically portrayed, there also simply aren't enough Native American motifs. Mystical explanations devolve into magical gobbledygook about quests, blessed daggers, and sacred stones. Repetitive scenes with redundant exposition get preposterous as everyone tells but no one actually does anything. Our father finally admits the devil has his daughter's soul, and his having been a single parent would have been much more interesting. The best moments here are between dad and daughter with her asking if he remembers what she was really like and his carrying her to bed as always. One scene with our wife going to confession and the priest kicking her out goes nowhere thanks to demonic reflections, spooky whispers, dreams, and sepia speakeasy specters negating the too few and far between emotional family moments. Continued happy flashbacks don't create emotion, just delay the current inaction as our passive family makes no progress. The Mrs. hardly interacts with her daughter unless it's to be whooshed around the kitchen, complaining her husband needs to do more rather than being proactive herself. Likewise, our seer tells of colonial curses and sacrifices in the town crypt but she's not actively involved in any ritual to prevent the collecting of souls. Dead animals accumulate and demons attack the bed as more deaths and comeuppance are given after the fact. Police investigations again fall back on flashbacks – repeating the deals with the devil and harbinger exposition twice more with who's actually in on appeasing the devil. Their faith in God and any Catholicism are a non-factor but convenient cemetery maps and prohibition tunnels provide action contrivances, convenient angels, and gangster ghosts. The horn and hoof red devil begats back and forth flying daggers stabbing people like it's “Who's on First” – the effects aren't terrible but the finale descends into unnecessary twists and obvious self-sacrifice. Diablo ex machina reincarnation and more historical exposition thrown at the screen become terribly frustrating, silly, and overlong. Though watchable if you accept this is a flawed production that had potential, this should have been a taut, streamlined ninety minutes.

Skip It

The Exorcism of God – I want to appreciate the Mexican setting, Spanish flavor, and Catholic mood of this 2021 parable, but my gosh if this isn't pieces of every other exorcism movie put together. I laughed in the first five minutes over the Exorcist knockoffs and ridiculously sexual opening exorcism – predicting it was a prologue that would to jump to a new many years later focus. Even priests named Michael and Peter are derivative of the maligned The Seventh Day, and it was very easy to zone out and half pay attention when not chuckling at the demon special effects. The earnest performances are so earnest they don't know they are in a horror movie. Sometimes that is good, most of the time it isn't. Every set piece scare is also for the audience – negating any of the priestly conflicts with repeated, increasingly hammy sexual possession shocks. This setting deserved a much better script, and Saban should really stick to Power Rangers instead of trying to make horror movies. How could a studio/distributor release forty-five films in 2022? Even if that was somehow pandemic backlog, terrible movies like this result in such littered streaming. More important than the assembly line industry, however, is the downright offensive, trying to be shocking, scandalous possession and sex ploys toward church abuse victims. A priest claiming a demon made him molest young women in his care is your plot? Who thought rape jokes were a good idea?

Gothic Adaptations and Literary Mysteries

Gothic Adaptations and Literary Mysteries

by Kristin Battestella

Although some of these contemporary movies and miniseries based on books are better than others are, the literary adaptations herein exude plenty of gothic atmosphere, mood, and mystery.

The Limehouse Golem – Sublime frocks, décor, carriages, and top hats accent the 1880 bodies in the bed, poisoned cordials, and bloody riddles opening this 2016 serial killer about Londontown adapted by Jane Goldman (X:Men: First Class) from the Peter Ackroyd novel. Red gore, orange lighting, and green hues befitting the title join pink and gold dance halls, sing songs, and theatrical cross dressing as Bill Nighy's (Underworld) Inspector Kildare avoids the sensational headlines and public bloodlust in favor of handwriting analysis and murderous journals. Messy footprints, missing police reports, and polluted crime scenes don't need any modern stylistic intrusions – the intercut discovery mixed with on stage recountings of the kills, disjointed past and present point of views, and non-linear editing are unnecessary. Fast moving abusive childhood flashbacks within murder trials when we've hardly met everybody make the focus of the story unclear, the assistant constable repeats everything the inspector already knows just for redundant audience exposition, and the gay comments about Kildare are useless. Famous names, library clues, dance hall girls, jealous playwrights, and life imitating art plays let the evidence speak for itself, piecing together the case with scribble in the book margins, secondhand shop keeper connections, and inspector deduction. Distorted voiceovers, violent slicings, backstage nudity, accidents on theater stairs, and religious undercurrents set off the deceased's recounting of the crimes in fantasy-esque flashbacks repeated with each suspect as the killer. These brutal horror reenactments compete with the song and dance flashbacks, but they also help blur the investigation as important details aren't shared with the kangaroo trials, distracting the audience as information is given and taken for shock value or cinematic reasons when key evidence, set ups, and relationships would be obvious if anyone but Kildare was paying attention. The persons of interest, backstage investigations, play clues, deflection, and one on one interviews are better once the flashbacks stop and the real time case proceeds. There must be a reason why the crimes have stopped – what we need to know is given in the opening scene – and all the back and forth delaying belies viewers into how little time has passed and why the police are unaware the killer hasn't struck again. Longtime viewers of British period mysteries may see through this faulty veneer with padding misinformation and meandering backstory in need of tighter direction rather than style over substance. Fortunately, there's an interesting mystery, multiple suspects, numerous kills, and suspicious ties between them as the execution order counts down to the finish. The infamous show must go on no matter how many people die for it, and this is fun for fans of Steampunk style mysteries.

Rebecca – Artistic ingenue Emilia Fox (Merlin) – companion to wealthy gossip Faye Dunaway (Don Juan DeMarco) – is smitten by the suave yet mysterious Charles Dance (Bleak House) in this 1997 three hour Masterpiece adaptation of the Daphne Du Maurier novel. Sublime style, flapper headbands, candlelight, and long stem cigarettes add to the whirlwind 1927 Riviera's scenic drives, classic convertibles, and charming hats. Unlike the immediately gothic gray scale of Alfred Hitchcock's 1940 version, vivid color and visual depth layer this initially idyllic romance. Our unusual couple have each been shy, lonely, and sad, but Maxim de Winter admires this young lady's innocence and honesty compared to the gilded aristocracy. Picnics, boat rides, a silly girl, a foolish old man – can they make a go of their differences? The dangerous curves and perilous drives suggest something slightly sinister brewing amid glimpses of the unforgettable and beloved by all Rebecca. It's been a year since her death, yet everyone must remind Maxim of his late wife upon this surprising second marriage. The newlyweds return to the lovely English gardens and proper decorum at Manderley, the estate where the Emmy winning Diana Rigg's (On Her Majesty's Secret Service) icy housekeeper Mrs. Danvers won't let go of the first Mrs. DeWinter's memory. The household reception is awkward and chilly – the coastal brightness turns darker thanks to shadow schemes, lighting changes, and the looming silhouettes of both Mrs. Danvers and Rebecca. Despite being a large estate with a west wing facing the sea, the hefty staircases, huge windows, and great fireplace feel congested, closing in on the new, nervous Mrs. as she gets lost wandering the shuttered parts of the house, breaks priceless statues, and hangs her head like an admonished little girl. She doesn't fit into the upper class routine, but the brooding, often misunderstood Maxim doesn't want her to become like those other cruel, aristocratic dames. Everyone is so heavy handed, formal, and not just unhelpful but resentful of how unlike Rebecca she is, and the couple regrets returning home to the rocky cliffs, beach side cottages, and distrustful staff. Crazy hermits, past gossip, vogue cousins too close for comfort, recreating previous fancy dress balls, and one big costuming faux pas strain the relationship further, but she can't exactly ask her new husband about why the pieces on how Rebecca drowned aren't coming together. Her room is still kept as is, almost in worship where our devoted housekeeper can express her creepy vicarious and pathetic intimacy, re-enacting brushing her madam's hair and laying out her perfumed night gown. Was Rebecca really so perfect? If she wasn't would anybody actually say so? Her presence is overwhelming – not because of any actually supernatural mood or ghost, but because the obsessed Mrs. Danvers won't let anyone forget, placing the fanatical pressures of her devotion on the second Mrs. de Winter. Foreboding strings add more ominous, however the suspense is certainly helped by Maxim's not coming clean on his life with Rebecca at the start. While some scenes are very similar to Hitchcock's vision, this is also closer to the novel, and even if you've seen other adaptations, viewers are swept up in wondering how the secrets will play out in the finale. Fog, vintage boats, watery evidence, mistaken identities, inquests – the circumstances surrounding Rebecca's life and death come to light, but our servant oversteps her bounds with cruelty, jealousy, and bullying suicidal whispers just to assure the Rebecca everyone thought they knew and loved won't die. Though more romantic than true crime, the fresh love and warped liaisons are told swift and honestly as the scandalous true colors are revealed with fainting spells, medical discoveries, fiery rescues, and kisses in the rain. Indeed all the gothic staples are here with period mood and performances to match.

Split Opinion

The Moonstone – This five part 2016 series based on the Wilkie Collins novel opens with funerals, church bells, top hats, and tombstones before gloomy Yorkshire estates and a family cursed to unhappiness thanks to the eponymous plundering. Flashbacks to the pleasant year before recount the colorful gowns, piano music, painting, kissing cousins, and birthday gifts. There are, however, prowlers, suspicious visitors, dangerous beaches, melodramatic maids, rival suitors, and awkward dinners. This was not the day to quit tobacco! One and all pass around the diamond – broadcasting its whereabouts before immediately suspecting the “gibberish speaking” foreigners among them of its theft. The hysterical birthday girl doesn't want a public scandal, refusing to speak with the police who bungle the case with a contaminated scene thanks to a meddling maid made obvious by the ominous music. Men are worried about rectifying their reputations over the lost gem, but one wonders why they go through the trouble when the lady herself impedes them amid nonsensical red herrings, cluttered pacing, spliced editing, and foreboding fake outs. The revisiting flashbacks and present conjecture interrupt the tension with coming and going scenes or up and down stairs transitions stalling the seeking of clues while questionable colonial aspects, off humor, and poor acting parodies the deduction with overly pompous, long winded dialogue, and faux sophistication. London to Yorkshire travel looks instantaneous, and timeline breaks should bookend episodes only instead of deflecting the mystery. A ham-fisted superintendent, busybody relations, and back and forth blaming contests hinder the case further with stupid snobbery. Itemized prophecies with clues, convoluted letters, second hand evidence, and missing people string the messy in the wrong direction. The meandering points of view and uneven framing don't build characters or suspense, and viewers already have precious little sympathy since our supposedly so in love cousin so adamant about the girl and resolving the theft up and left for an entire year. Timely deaths, mysterious wills, suspicious marriage proposals, and coastal rescues finally provide something incriminating halfway thru Episode Four as love sick letters recount how the subservient people of the house were lost amid all the upper class hullabaloo. Eyewitness unreliability and laudanum stupor add to the painting clues and prospective motives while secret passages and potential suicides culminate in jeweler trades, bank stakeouts, and bodies at the hotel. Although this comes together in the last half hour, the presentation continually goes back to the night of the crime where it never should have left all the action in the first place. Characters themselves ask how they are always back where they started, but the insipid performances can't disguise the Twelve Days of Christmas cumulative – each hour adds a superfluous person who knows what happened then who travels to read a letter revealing what happened the Monday after the Wednesday that the moonstone was stolen. Such treading tires impedes the game afoot, and there's never a sense that anyone is closer to solving the mystery. This is fine for audiences who like period piece whodunits, yet such an audience is already well versed enough to be frustrated by this piecemeal structure. The series is twice as long as it should be when a streamlined, feature length design would have sufficed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Disappointing

Labyrinth – Christopher Smith (Black Death) directs medieval heroine Jessica Brown Findlay (Downton Abbey), bad girl Katie McGrath (Merlin), Malfoy in a greasy wig Tom Felton (Harry Potter), gigolo writer never seen writing Sebastian Stan (Avengers: Infinity War), annoying creep Emun Elliot (The Paradise), and the under utilized John Hurt (Only Lovers Left Alive) in this 2012 two-parter based upon the Kate Mosse book. Opening scrolls set the 1209 Carcassonne scene with Catharism sects, reincarnation, and Holy Grail secrets before contemporary archaeology digs and caves with ancient writings. Although the men's armor looks cheap, the medieval costumes have the right silhouette – healers, herbs, and woodwork create period detail while scenic bridges, horses, and country beauty belie ominous bodies in the river, missing fingers, and mysterious books. Unfortunately, this telling of two tales at once is immediately confusing with lookalike sisters both introduced in sex scenes with the same man and a modern woman who takes on this archaeology thing after a bad break up, goes into a cave during an earthquake, and is rightfully chastised for her amateur contamination of the site. While a book can go back and forth per chapter, this television film juggles too much. The Old Speaketh is try hard and everybody in France speaks unaccented English as crusader persecutions are intercut with good cop/bad cop interrogations. Secret brotherhood meetings, double crossing contacts, another corporate woman introduced with a nooner – we're still meeting everybody an hour into the story thanks to the spliced presentation. Longer scenes building tension between the sisters, car accident shockers, and hooded rituals with candles and daggers better show the medieval past and present, and the two parts should have had all the past action naturally building to the present intrigue. Why tell in a current research montage when we can see that past suspense? The uneven structure cheats with women from different times in the same frame or place just for visual effect, delaying the storytelling with attempted edgy. Hot guys in the pool, iPod mentions – leave your number by typing it into some man's phone, is that for real? – and forced chemistry aren't as interesting as a Book of Potions or religious protectors. Secret society bad guys chase something so important one moment only to call it an irrelevant loose end the next, people with answers go unutilized, and clues are waiting in an inherited house but nobody goes there. A righteous thug with a silencer shooting people for not going to confession and information easily given that should have come sooner are too convenient as neither past nor present is primary thanks to no sense of danger and the thin women's tropes such as the one-dimensional illegitimate naked bad girl scorned threatening a man with cries of rape. It's also tough to enjoy the trebuchets, sieges, fire, and cemeteries when all the miscast, messy, mansplaining men are so weak in battle. Although the opening scenes suggest a mystical connection, there is no point to these separate stories being told in parallel. Neither receives the attention it deserves, leaving the medieval hollow despite serious topics and the present lacking an intelligent mystery that doesn't know its audience. While the men in such adventures can handle the Holy Grail, reincarnation, immortality, and get the girl; with women the medieval must be all jealous affairs and a soap opera sappy choice between a lover or the greatest religious and archaeology discovery ever. Boo!

The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

Freddy’s Phantom of the Opera a Mixed Bag

By Kristin Battestella

The 1989 version of The Phantom of the Opera adds a whole lot of gory to update the oft-adapted novel. Unfortunately, the convoluted changes to the source sully what could be a fine macabre rendition, leaving more crossed signals than scares.

New York singer Christine Day (Jill Schoelen) finds herself upon the stage of a past London opera house after discovering a lost Don Juan Triumphant manuscript by alleged murderer and composer Erik Destler (Robert Englund). Erik has paid a disfiguring Faustian price to have his music heard – the devil has scarred his face and now the Opera Ghost must use the flesh of his victims to mask his horrendous wounds. When he hears Christine sing, however, The Phantom seeks to dispose of diva La Carlotta (Stephanie Lawrence) and replace her with his muse. Will Christine come to love her musical benefactor or discover his murderous hobbies?

Director Dwight H. Little (Rapid Fire) starts this Leroux adaptation from writers Gerry O’Hara (Ten Little Indians) and Duke Sandefur (Dark Justice) with a satanic warning, ominous music, a creepy bookshop, bloody manuscripts, and then contemporary New York opera auditions before a Victorian London transition. Unfortunately, the framing added to The Phantom of the Opera is more than confusing. Is it reincarnation, time travel, or immortality? Are we watching a flashback induced by some demonic spell when Erik’s music is played? Memories from The Phantom’s point of view recalling his devilish pact further muddle this twist. Though Faust elements from the novel and scenes or characters not often included in onscreen adaptations are represented, purists will wonder why these frustrating bookends and superfluous changes were shoehorned in here. Thankfully, the murderous opera mishaps and quick pace move for the 93-minute duration – the tale remains familiar enough and there’s no time to fully question the additions or the unnecessary endings that just keep on going forever. Evil elements, plenty of brutality, and some supernatural hocus-pocus make for a decidedly horror mood. We’ve know doubt that this angle will be sinister, not romantic, and many Phantom fans will enjoy the outright villainous tone even if the execution of the inserted spooky is laden with plot holes and flaws. Ironically, despite its gory strides and fiendish aspects, The Phantom of the Opera is clearly trying to ride the coattails of the musical productions and includes a disclaimer declaring that this version is unaffiliated with Webber and company. Go figure.

Fortunately, the gruesome Phantom skin and make up designs for star Robert Englund work devilishly good. He stitches up his icky face, harvests fresh flesh from his victims, and remains strong and skilled with weapons as he slices and dices. For all its misguided vision, this Phantom of the Opera is not afraid to bloody it up and out rightly mention sexual context – be it accusing peeping tom stagehands, some nighttime prostitution, or would-be rapacious action. Erik has his needs! Through his Faust pact and filleting folks, The Phantom maneuvers diva Carlotta’s exit early before going out to the local pub or spa for some more kills. His interest in Christine, however, feels secondary, lame, and tacked on to the demonic upkeep as if elevating the full on, killer creeper is meant to make us forget the obsessive love plot. Compared to what usually is the source of Erik’s motivation, this Opera Ghost doesn’t have much reason to hang around the house when he could be getting his lust and hellish tendencies elsewhere. Broadway shade, crammed in horror – the lengthy skin peel reveals help The Phantom of the Opera doubly cash in on Englund’s Nightmare on Elm Street heights as well as the musicals. This Erik is obviously not a sympathetic soul, but he’s not a multi dimensional villain either. He’s The Phantom and he’s bad this time around, oooo. The would-be menacing spectacle doesn’t do Englund justice or give him the layers and depths he is more than capable of delivering.

Poor Billy Nighy (Underworld) is also totally wasted in The Phantom of the Opera as an angry, would-be manipulative but largely ineffective opera owner. He doesn’t have much to do except bitch, and late stage star Stephanie Lawrence as Carlotta likewise feels blink and you miss her rather than any sort of antagonist. So-called inspectors and other nondescript secondary players are forgettable, as-needed plot devices or set dressings. Without much beyond the Raoul name change for Alex Hyde-White (Reed Richards in the infamous 1994 Fantastic Four film) as Christine’s barely there paramour Richard, it’s tough to follow his supposed heroics in the hectic underground finale much less root for his success. Sadly, all of these players could be excised – no name police could have been called to the opera house for the shoot ‘em up showdown and The Phantom of the Opera would have been no different. Critical in the role as Christine Day, Jill Schoelen (There Goes My Baby) also misses the mark if you are looking for a strong period piece blossom. While she makes a capable eighties scream queen, Schoelen is a fish out of water at the opera. Christine should do more than go round and round with Erik in one slow motion battle after another, right? But say hey, its SNL alum Molly Shannon!

There is a new blu-ray edition of The Phantom of the Opera, which is nice since the bare bones DVD has subtitles but tough to see alleyways and dark fight scenes. Again, the head rolling gore is well done, but some of the violence also feels unnecessary compared to the atmospheric blue lighting, red reflections, and flaming effects. Askew angles, the tilted hat, and shadowed, one eye close ups of The Phantom also up the brooding. There is little of the actual stage spectacle here, but the Victorian interiors and layers of Old World feel intimate. As horror, this production design is more than serviceable even if it’s not all it could have been. The subdued palette, generic costumes, and low budget mistakes, however, won’t be as grandiose as some Phantom of the Opera fans may expect – Erik’s lair looks like a standard, commonplace cave set with some candles. Perhaps that’s realistic to what the underground living would be, but there isn’t enough to it for a film. Fortunately, the scoring provides the right gothic mood and melody. Sure, it’s not quite sweeping and will seem knock off inferior to the more famous Phantom musics, but it is the one part of this conflicted Phantom of the Opera that does what it is supposed to do. And oh my, shout out for the floppy discs and giant computer monitors!

The Phantom of the Opera suffers from its identity crisis as a horror film and a book adaptation just as it much as it proves a scary update of Leroux is possible. Had it abandoned the contemporary twists and devilish ties and simply played it straight while upping the sinister and gore, The Phantom of the Opera might have stood out from the crowd as more than a cliché Freddy or Webber cash in like those try hard, faux rip offs we get today. At times, this rendition feels like a bad edit, the audience test viewing that’s missing all its final bells and whistles. Are we still awaiting the real director’s cut with all the polish, clarification, and panache? The Phantom of the Opera is not the definitive adaptation of the novel, and ultimately, nor is it the best macabre rendition – I’m not sure anyone will ever surpass the Silent version in that regard. Mixed bag though it is, if spooky audiences, Phantom students, and Englund fans accept this late night tale for what it is, The Phantom of the Opera can be a fun, serviceable, gruesome good time – complete with the heads of divas in the punch bowl.

A Zombie Analysis

A Zombie Analysis

By Kristin Battestella

As our horror marathons, viewing lists, and Halloween escapades continue to go on even into November, several series and sequels have been scattered across the critique cemeteries.  So, here’s a quick and easy breakdown of our zombie treats- along with a few new undead debates.

Day of the Dead – George A. Romero gives us a bleak look at science versus the military in this 1985 second sequel to Night of the Living Dead.  The cavernous underground but confined setting is great for intimate threats and limited places as Lori Cardille (Ryan’s Hope) and Joseph Pilato (Pulp Fiction) adversely cling to some semblance of civilization. Once again, it is the people behaving badly- not the zombies- that creates all the problems. This is a lovely study into what makes the undead how they are, if they are still human at all, or if they can or should be tamed. Who is the real animal here? Is the zombie invasion some sort of punishment or judgment against us or a humbling reason to restart humanity back on the right track? Despite great gore and fear, the pace may seem slow to some.  There isn’t a lot of humor here, which helped Day’s predecessor Dawn of the Dead, but we are watching the breakdown of society thanks to flesh eating monsters, remember. This is clearly a stressed, unhappy situation, and it makes for great horror film. 

Shaun of the Dead –I mentioned this 2004 ‘rom zom com’ previously in a quick recommends list, but I must discuss co-writer Simon Pegg (Star Trek) and director Edgar Wright’s (Spaced) fun take on zombies further.  Within this unique mixing of genres, time is allowed for us to know and enjoy our players with tongue firmly in cheek thanks to a bemusing yet tender and likeable cast including Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz), Billy Nighy (Underworld), Kate Ashfield (This Little Life), and Penelope Wilton (Downtown Abbey). Amid all the humor, there are also serious touches of life and relationships with great ironic uses of music, the media, and horror clichés.  After all, only a pulse separates our humdrum and routine lives from zombification. Really, there’s so much wastelessness going on in Shaun’s life that he doesn’t even initially notice the zombie apocalypse is going on!  Yes, it’s poking fun at traditional undead and romantic fair, but there’s also something quite smart here, with fine camerawork and editing to both mock, scare, and heighten the humor without resorting to sex, vulgarity, and torture porn like so many other modern pictures.  In jokes, car crash fun, video game delights, even decent blood and gore more than suffice amid the survival debates.  Wow, I guess my original one sentence praise did say it all: “Laughter and wit mixed with emotional characters and honest relationships in a zombie flick? Yes.”

White Zombie – Bela Lugosi (Dracula) is done up smashingly twisted as the witchdoctor causing undead trouble for Robert Frazer (The Three Musketeers) and Madge Bellamy (The Iron Horse) in this 70 minute 1932 treat. Though the costumes are thirties smashing, the sound and film is very poor- snap, crackle, pop and all that- making this tough to watch for some. Though it’s easy to think there’s something kinky afoot with some pre-code suggestions and innuendo and the music is quite good and suspenseful, the made on the cheap style is a bit too obvious. The acting is a little over the top, too, and the plot can be somewhat confusing if you don’t hear all the dialogue. The portrayal of Haiti and minorities is also a little stereotypical of the time as well. Nevertheless, this is a fun little piece showcasing the more traditional voodoo zombie angles of those buried alive and soullessly controlled rather than our brain eating slow pokes and humor.  Actually, I’m surprised the remake for this hasn’t gotten off the ground yet or that the idea of using zombies as manual labor isn’t used that often- particularly since zombies are currently trumping the glitter vampire wave and post-apocalyptic notions are quite hot right now.  It’s technically flawed, but zombie fans can learn a lot here.

It’s Getting Iffy

Return of the Living Dead Part II – This 1988 sequel from John Russo’s Night of the Living Dead spinoffs is played all for the laughs, so much so, that I’m not sure why its rated R.  Sure, there’s some kids using weapons against the undead and the usual violence, but compared to its precursor, the nudity, horror smarts and all out gore are lacking here.  The quips and zombies are fun, and the guts and gore we are given are good when we get it, but it doesn’t seem like enough. The straight comedy approach with only hints of military secrets and societal hysteria aren’t expanded enough to keep things interesting. A step down from first in this offshoot series, yes that would be fine- but this is almost a parody of the franchise at this point.  It is strangely funny that James Karen and Thom Matthews inexplicably return from the Return of the Living Dead, but the gag doesn’t last. I’d much rather writer and director Ken Wiederhorn (Shock Waves) been allowed to make a proper Part 2 instead of reducing it all to a dumb teen comedy remake.  Pity.

Now then, here’s our somewhat organized list of Zombie treats, conveniently in one place at last!

Dead and Living Dead series

Night of the Living Dead

Dawn of the Dead

Day of the Dead

Return of the Living Dead

Return of the Living Dead Part II

Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Evil Dead

The Evil Dead

Evil Dead II

Army of Darkness

Random Undead Juice

28 Days Later

28 Weeks Later

Blood Creek
King of the Zombies
Revolt of the Zombies 

Shaun of the Dead

White Zombie

 Zombie Land

Underworld and Underworld: Evolution

Slick, Sexy, Popular Underworlds

By Kristin Battestella

I’ve long held the theory that whenever Hollywood needs bite at the box office, it raises one of film’s longest staples: vampires. Some think film, television, books, and comics are overloaded with creatures of the night, but others claim there isn’t enough vampy goodness onscreen or off. Luckily, those fans have Underworld and its sequel Underworld: Evolution.

2003’s Underworld introduces us to the underground battle between vampires and Lycans. Expert Death Dealer Selene (Kate Beckinsale, Pearl Harbor) enjoys hunting the lycanthrope werewolves and their leader Lucian (Michael Sheen, The Queen). After rescuing the human Michael Corvin (Scott Speedsman, Felicity) from the Lycans, Selene’s perceptions of her vampire elder Viktor (Billy Nighy, Shaun of the Dead) change. The Lycans want Michael’s DNA to create a hybrid creature, and Viktor’s tale of Selene’s past may not be all that he led her to believe.

In Underworld: Evolution (2006), Selene and Michael seek out the immortal Wiliam Corvinus (Brian Steele, Hellyboy), a werewolf, while his hybrid vampire brother Markus (Tony Curran, The League of Extraordinary Gentleman) hunts them. The original immortal Alexander Corvinus (Derek Jacobi, Hamlet) runs a secret military clean up operation, keeping his sons and the underground war from spilling over. Together, they must destroy Markus and protect humanity while Selene resolves her past and future.

While the back story and history of Underworld’s set up is very detailed and carefully played out over the two films by director Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard) and his writing compatriots Kevin Grievoux (werewolf Raze here and in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans) and Danny McBride (The Outer Limits)- the plots at hand are somewhat superficial. You can tell this trio stems from the props and stunts side of films, for in some ways, that’s all Underworld is. There’s action, great effects, the latest visual tricks and technological talk-making the strong back story and thin visuals somewhat uneven. We spend a few critical scenes of flashbacks and historical conversations amid the Death Dealer and Lycan action. Throw in the budding romance between Selene and Michael-and its tough to tell what these pictures are about. Underworld sets up its universe just fine, but there’s too much action at hand. Then again, Underworld: Evolution gives us more of the past while advancing the hybrid relationship. I’m confused, too-but I don’t think we’re supposed to put this much thought into it.

Thankfully, the stylized productions make up for the thinly veiled storylines. The leather, werewolf transformations, muted vampire looks, and updated weaponry forgive the double talk conversations. Enough of the people talking about the old days if you’re going to give us such fast-paced supernatural action! The rainy, dark, blue tinted European scenery is moody and atmospheric, but a little annoying at times. You can’t always see the dark werewolves amid the dark tunnels fighting with black clad vamps. Someone, turn on the lights! Even with a few dark spots, it is the action that attracts and holds the audience through Underworld and Underworld: Evolution’s slow spots.

Of course, we wouldn’t care about the Underworld franchise at all if it weren’t for the kick ass, pouting, post Buffy Kate Beckinsale as Death Dealer Selene. Combining the misunderstood vampire with the tough cookie modern female not only charms the lucrative young female demographics, but it also gives the boys some serious eye candy. Not without talent, Beckinsale manages to take the brooding vampire material seriously while having fun in the swift action sequences. In comparison, view the 2004 miss Van Helsing. Kate’s monster fighting gypsy princess is a complete parody stuck in a drivel of a film. For those that think Selene is melodramatic fluff, a night with Van Helsing brings new appreciation.

The Underworlds can get away with the risks of a conflicted female lead because each has some fine veteran leadership. Billy Nighy brings a touch of spooky class as the slick and deceiving vampire elder Viktor. He wants to keep Selene in his power hungry pocket, but his control is coming undone via his own wicked actions. Likewise, Sir Derek Jacobi adds an elder element to Underworld: Evolution. Alexander Corvinus is another piece to the puzzle that doesn’t fit quite right. Immortality should make these men all the wiser, but personal, rose colored glasses guide the parents-at-odds. As much as I like the modern stylings of Underworld, I wish there were more of Nighy and Jacobi’s old school boys.

Sometimes it hampers a viewing experience, but I’m always curious about the behind the scenes goings on of a film. How difficult must it have been on the set of Underworld after couple Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen split? How much worse did it get when Beckinsale married director Len Wiseman? You wouldn’t know things weren’t peachy by Michael Sheen’s bittersweet performance as Lycan leader Lucian. He’s got a serious grudge to pick with Viktor and is quite the vicious fellow; yet we believe Lucian when he speaks of love lost and the Lycan plight. Once upon a time, these A-list actors wouldn’t have been up for a vampire vehicle, but the cast’s class makes up for any of the series’ short comings.

Unfortunately, pretty boy Scott Speedman is not so pretty at all. He’s bland, grungy, and his hair is always in his dang face. Judging by Speedman’s phoned in portrayal, any it boy of the moment could have sufficed as the human caught between the Death Dealers and the Lycans. He’s given more time to show his worth in Underworld: Evolution, but I enjoy the scenes where hybrid Michael is wolfed out and growling instead of talking. That’s bad, isn’t it? The secondary vampires Kraven (Shane Brolly, ChromiumBlue.com) and Erika (Sophia Myles, Tristan and Isolde) are far more interesting. Rather than looking solely for love and survival, they’re lustful, manipulative, and desperate to come out on top. The unrated extended cut DVD of Underworld smartly restores deleted scenes of this plotting would be vampire couple.

Upon seeing Underworld for the first time, I quite enjoyed it. Yes, it puts effects over drama, but it’s a new notch in the vampire film’s lore. Some people who don’t like the same old vamps (though I don’t know why) take to this franchise as the wicked, badass alternative to the ethereal Interview with the Vampire and old options like Dark Shadows or a choose your Dracula. I must admit, though, I think I prefer Underworld: Evolution. Its action is bigger and more complex, yet on a seemingly smaller, personal scale. The natural and daylight locations go a long way in simply being able to see all that’s going on. More time, development, and appreciation of the past is allowed to germ along with the characters. It’s as if the first film’s fast, modern pace was only to get the fans in the door for the serious, meaty follow-ups.

And oh yes, you knew there would be follow ups! I think it was an odd choice for the Underworld team to spend the third film solely in the past with Rise of the Lycans. Are these Rad! Black Leather! Beckinsale is Hawt! Fans going to show up for a medieval wolf fest-especially after Underworld: Evolution sets up so many contemporary possibilities? It’s certainly nice to get the full-length back-story of which we’ve seen so many tantalizing glimpses, but Rise of the Lycans is not perfect by any means. Fortunately, die-hard fans will be pleased to know a fourth installment is in the works.

Underworld enthusiasts can spring for the fancier DVD editions for all the bells and whistles, too. Underworld’s 2 disc unrated extended cut set comes with a mini comic book and production booklets, in addition to commentaries, outtakes, production design features, stunts, music, and more. Aired on television as a tie-in, the documentary Fangs vs. Fiction spends more time on Underworld then it does proper vampire history, myth, and lore, but it’s enjoyable nonetheless. The standard widescreen DVD for Underworld: Evolution has plenty of treats, too, including more commentaries, visual behind the scenes, and music videos. Collectors can spring for the combo sets and blu-ray editions, but standard copies and video on demand options are available for the latent Lycan and vampire fan.

Back in the day, you had to choose which side of the horror genre you were on- be it vampires or werewolves. My mom prefers tormented vampire Barnabas Collins to my brooding wolf favorite Quentin. Wiseman and his team, however, have made their Underworld franchise a delight for both sides of the moonlight. Though the third prequel film Rise of the Lycans favors its titular wolves, vampire and werewolf fans alike can take pleasure in Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. Though rated R for gore and violence, teens can enjoy Underworld. The unrated version and Underworld: Evolution do, however, step up the sex and nudity, so young and budding macabre tweens should probably be kept to an edited television airing. It used to be a little touch and go when confessing to liking vampires and werewolves, but the slick, sexy, action-packed Underworld franchise has made leather clad vamps and lonely Lycans fun for the masses.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Mixed Bag with Underworld Rise of the Lycans

By Kristin Battestella

As opposed to rushing to the theater for Underworld: Evolution, my anticipation of the 2009 prequel Underworld: Rise of the Lycans was meh. When I finally took a chance on the bluray, however, my feeling was, well, meh. While it’s wonderful to see a complete, complex storyline come to fruition, an abundance of ill effects and darkness undoes Rise of the Lycans

Elder vampire Viktor (Billy Nighy) takes in a werewolf servant Lucian (Michael Sheen) and raises him along side his daughter Sonja (Rhona Mitra). Lucian is able to control his Lycan urges and remain in human form; and over time, he and Sonja fall in love. Unfortunately, this upsets Viktor’s plan for establishing an entire class of werewolf guardians, along with his domination of local human nobles. Viktor and his vampire Death Dealers protect the populations from wild, ruthless Lycans; but when the Lycans bow to Lucian as their leader, both he and Sonja are subject to Viktor’s wrath.

Cinema today is somewhat bizarre. We have franchises that play out and go for far too long while others are butchered, cut short, and cease to realize their full potential. For Rise of the Lycans and the Underworld franchise, it seems they’ve suffered both. On one hand, it’s a delight that house writers Danny McBride, Len Wiseman, and Robert Orr along with Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain (Outlander) (whew) are able to bring their entire vision to the screen. Through the first and second films, we get tantalizing pieces of this complex back-story. It may seem a slim Romeo and Juliet knock off in some spots, but Rise of the Lycans serves its purpose for fans who want all the ins and outs of this universe.

Then again, Rise of the Lycans is a little bit of a downer against its precursor successors. Yes, it lays the foundation for what is to come, but this picture is too different from the others. A period piece following hot black leather-Rise of the Lycans reeks of that sub par, unloved third film that just goes too far. We loved the Ewoks as kids, of course, but now…Not so much.

As with most action films, regardless of what format or setup you have, the voices are always too damn soft and the action is too freaking loud. Unfortunately, Rise of the Lycans’ effects aren’t that good, either. Even though Underworld mated film, comics, and CGI before 300, Rise of the Lycans looks distinctly ‘300ified’. So many layers of repeated werewolf action in dark, nondescript forest settings; over and over, you can’t tell who is who unless it’s a slow motion panoramic Lycan up on his hind legs for a roar. Even the fights are unoriginal. Sure, it’s cool the first time, but after a dozen chops of the wolf’s head in half through the jaw, it’s not impressive. Modern Underworld fans liked the slick black leather and vampire gunnery, so I’m not even sure that such an audience would go for a film with swords, crossbows, and castle sieges. For whom then, is Rise of the Lycans made?

I’m sure there are documents out there clarifying who is who and when and where all this takes place, but the castle could have been any old castle, the vampire chicks wear sassy modern stuff, and Rhona Mitra looks just like she did in the futuristic Beowulf. Mitra is pretty, sweet Jesus of course; but her lips are kind of big, her hair is always in her face, and though skilled, she does not have the presence or appeal of Kate Beckinsale’s Selene. Her look and critical scenes match the Underworld flashback snips we received previously, fortunately. We hear time and again how Viktor adores Selene because of her kinship to Sonja, but I think it would have been too over the top to have Beckinsale portray both. Mitra’s dialogue and delivery are just right-I think it’s the film’s ill balance between romance and action that hinders Sonja. Rise of the Lycans is too short for any real love to develop, but its overlong in its action.

Confusing nighttime action also takes away from the fine performances of Brit A-listers Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost/Nixon) and Billy Nighy (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pirates of the Caribbean). The battle of words and wits between them is wordy and confusing, yet not nearly enough. I’d love to see these two men at odds again in a straightforward dramatic piece-a film that allows them to sit opposite each other and debate. In Rise of the Lycans, it doesn’t seem like they have any time together. Again, the mix of action trying to be period piece hinders what talent and maturity it has. Sheen and Nighy could certainly handle a solid, gothic picture; but would Underworld fans watch that? No.

Going by the title, Rise of the Lycans is definitely pro werewolf. There are werefans out there who will eat up all the bad CGI wolves and cheer when these dogs get there day. The re-invigorated vampire audiences created by the first two films, are however, left by the wayside. Outside of a few lines ala ‘They are vampires!’ there is no evidence of vampirism. They have cool eyes, pale skin, and fangs, big deal. Not that the first two films gave us traditional bloodsuckers by any means, but after Rise of the Lycans, I realized how unscary and technically not horror this franchise is. Was I scared out of my werewatching wits like Silver Bullet or creeped out like An American Werewolf in London? No.

Although the bluray disc was easy to navigate, there were only the usual behind the scenes features. What, no deleted scenes- it seemed like there should have been more than the feature proper. Honestly, this wasn’t the best bluray transfer I’ve seen, either. In comparison with The Dark Knight’s multilayered and detailed nighttime streets and black on black costumes and gear, Rise of the Lycans is a blur. Everything is so dang dark. Was this cinematography error or bad bluray? Perhaps it is a bit of both.

Fans of the series no doubt love Rise of the Lycans and accept it for its story despite its flaws. Fans of the cast and collectors of course own the DVD, but casual viewers will be left out in the cold. Already confused with a fine story but poor action, Rise of the Lycans biggest fault is that you have to be intimate with the first two pictures to appreciate the plot or even care about the characters. General werewolf fans or vampire lovers should definitely wait for lower prices, rentals, or other viewing options before taking the plunge with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. And while you wait, feast of the first two Underworlds.