The Magnificent Seven (2016)

Recent Magnificent Seven Entertaining but Safe

by Kristin Battestella

Director Antoine Fuqua's (Olympus Has Fallen) 2016 The Magnificent Seven has all the hallmarks of the original 1960 western with a motley 1879 crew of cowboys, gunslingers, outlaws, and gamblers defending the town of Rose Creek against a ruthless industrial baron. Although the shootouts and genre action are entertaining, unfortunately this endeavor lacks inspiration thanks to an uneven narrative that plays it safe.

Dynamite mining, strangleholds on crops, and meager offerings of $20 per station lead to town meetings amid fears of this new businessman and his hired guns terrorizing churches and burning buildings. How can these pioneers defend themselves against such violence and shootouts? Although a wicked scene in itself, the all for show opening of The Magnificent Seven is extreme and over the top compared to the otherwise safe tone of the picture. Why not meet the town and its charred church when our eponymous heroes do and let the audience imagine the horrors happening for themselves? The serious western start and subsequent lighthearted adventure are mixed window dressings with little depth – even town names onscreen as they ride on to shooting contests and recruit more heroes is a superficial way to create scope. A slow ride toward the saloon with a man's reputation preceding him provides The Magnificent Seven with more western spirit. Poker, ordering whiskey, asking the barkeep for information – the gun clicks, cigarette smoke billows, and shotgun below the bar are tense! Our charming and ornery enlistees face-off against gunslingers on the roof and dodge bullets as they vow to protect Rose Creek. Of course, so many shows have already rifted on this famous heroes teaching farmers with pitchforks to fight plot, and this almost willingly plays into that generic western familiarity rather than adding anything new. The middle of The Magnificent Seven feels like one big montage as defense preparation builds – they walk, they plan, they booby trap trenches and magically train ridiculously bad townsfolk unable to throw knives or aim at any targets. Granted, viewers wouldn't accept a simple cut to the final battle with everything easy peasy, but the pace is forced and disoriented. We meet people for an hour and practice for another half hour before the titular boys get drunk and have some laughs over naming their guns women's names. If we knew their personalities equally, the bonding humor would happen on its own. Instead, cheery scenes are out of place amid brooding characters who do have history, religion, and reasons for doing what they do. The sardonic moments are better once we're under siege with our team shoulder to shoulder for one more huzzah. People are seriously wounded with well done blood and fire while tolling bells and prayers accent the lengthy but sometimes chaotic or confusing finale that squeezes three acts into one – the surprise defense, bleak enemy firepower retaliation, and the last sacrificial inspiration. The Magnificent Seven has serious and touching moments in the end, but the heroics come as we always knew they would, deflating some of the fine one on one justice and cathartic catching the bad guy entertainment.

Well, the piano player stops when Denzel Washington (Best Actor for Training Day but should have won for Malcolm X) walks into the saloon, oh yes. Sam Chisolm is an authorized warrant officer and man of the peace who would rather not use his quick draw unless provoked. He claims he isn't for hire but hears the proposition to help Rose Creek and assists without taking the gold they offer. His simmering rage suggests there must be a reason why, but Chisolm's going to see this through because he says these people deserve their lives back. The Magnificent Seven provides Washington some great dialogue for his on point delivery, even if that's because Chisolm speaks the most and tells others what to do. It's disappointing that the side eyes he receives and the racism of the era aren't addressed more, and the final scene explaining his history deserved a better thematic build. However, The Magnificent Seven really only has time to show his story and mostly does it right alongside heroic leaps through windows, a cool rearing horse, and a great cowboy silhouette. It might have been interesting to see a prequel of Chisolm alone becoming licensed to vendetta, but unfortunately, I'm not feeling Chris Pratt's (Jurassic World) gambler Josh Faraday. His old fashioned dialogue doesn't sound natural, and jokes about Koreans, American Indians, and Mexicans are unnecessary. The card tricks and fast draws don't hide the fact that Pratt's just playing the same cool guy he always does, and The Magnificent Seven wastes time on him being the funny pretty white guy when other characters have more interesting tales to tell. It's tough to take Faraday seriously even when he shoots off an enemy's ear, as Pratt's casting purely for the appeal is apparent. I shudder to think about some of the in-development casting rumors: The Magnificent Seven featuring Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, and five other guys you don't need to worry about playing cowboys! In contrast, Shakespeare quoting sharpshooter and southern gentleman Ethan Hawke (Daybreakers) sits at the campfire with Chisolm, reflecting on their history while increasingly reluctant to fire a rifle thanks to his own infamous Confederate past. They've been through these kind of hurrahs before, and this personal PTSD arc deserved more than just being a few somber moments amid lighter banter and gunfire.

Likewise, Lee Byung-hun (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo (From Dusk till Dawn: The Series) each have their own specialty as Billy Rocks and Vasquez. There's a whiff of Asians in the West stigmas and Spanish dislike, too. However, the colorblind castings feel superficial – roles not for the historically accurate representation or to detail the discrimination they face but still little more than token appearances. We need more films like Posse addressing minorities in the West, but neither knife wielding Korean nor Mexican vigilante talk much and hardly receive up close shots or any camera focus. The blade action is cool, and a sword wielding nod to the Seven Samurai origins may have been on the nose, but seriously, why couldn't any of the minorities in The Magnificent Seven have been Pratt's second lead? Unsurprisingly, the appropriate casting of Martin Sensmeier (Salem) as Comanche warrior Red Harvest is also delightful to see yet under portrayed, resorting the character to always being hungry, eating raw meat, and disliking beans alongside typical mysticism fears from the rest of the team. He only speaks Comanche – or so they think – and the use of the bow and arrow amid all the rifle love deserved more showcasing. There should have been more to his rivalry with the Comanche counterpart fighting on the bad side, too – a Snake Eyes versus Storm Shadow one on one rather than a late blink and you miss it confrontation. The almost unrecognizable Vincent D'Onofrio's (Law & Order: Criminal Intent) spiritual mountain man Jack Horne is old, a bittersweet remnant of past ways. He's happy to do what's right and fight alongside men he can respect, and once again, deserved more attention. Righteousness won't do barely there Matt Bomer (Magic Mike) any good, but his wife Haley Bennett (The Girl on the Train) is almost part of the seven. Although her red hair, rosy cheeks, low cut shirts, and boob illumining lanterns aren't striving for costuming accuracy, Emma can shoot without Faraday's trying that flirtatious gun lesson cliché. Maybe it would be typical to have her be a teacher or nurse, but she deserved something stronger a husbandly connection. Of course, it's not shocking to see Peter Sarsgaard (Flightplan) as the villainous Bartholomew Bogue. He looks coked out, a snotty little asshole who hides behind Gatling guns and isn't much of a man when it comes to fighting himself. Bogue makes scary examples of children in the name of his so called industrial progress, however, his brutally over the top ruthless is absent for over an hour. Between all the permeating sarcasm, what should be personal terror strays into caricature – Bogue's almost there just because we need somebody to hate, and we don't discover his history with Chisolm until their final scene.

Blue skies, colorful prairies, and green valleys in The Magnificent Seven also look too modern, a scheme digitally over saturated rather than the dirty and dusty western rugged audiences expect. Rustic buildings, wagons, stagecoaches, and horses better set the mood amid fitting hoof beats, dynamite explosions, and gunfire. There's not much indoor action, but the dark saloon adds tension while real outdoor filming with windswept riding, rocky outcroppings, and mountain echoes build Old West atmosphere. The enemy charge is well done with steady zooms, choice slow motion, and upward horseback angles alongside unique knife battles, ax work action, riding feats, and fancy precision shooting. However, some transition scenes and silent montage moments are useless, and the pacing tries to keep up with today's in your face yet falls back on old strategies and cinematic tricks – the rope across that unseats a rider, a hidden trench with a surprise, or decoy ammunition distractions. A ridiculous amount of camera work also focuses on our men and their gun belts, panning up to the holster as one spins his six shooter or sweeping down as he bends to pick up the shot gun. Whether its to show off the bad ass gear or the tight chaps, once was enough – it's not sexy, just more like over compensation or penis envy. o_O The music for this Magnificent Seven is also woefully uneven. If this is supposed to be a heroic adventure, let's hear the theme! The unfinished score from the late James Horner (The Wrath of Khan) borrows cues, remaining contemporary and standard rather than instantly recognizable and rousing. Not until the movie ends are viewers treated to the familiar upbeats and a fun credits design that should have set the tone at the beginning. After such basic plots, hearing the music coda made me want to watch previous incarnations of The Magnificent Seven more than anything else. Therein is the trouble with all these reboots, sequels, and remakes today. Why tune in to these when you can just enjoy the original nostalgia again and again? Of course, I love the 1960 film, enjoy the follow ups, and really liked the brief 1998-2000 television series. Heck, I taped them of television on chewed up VHS, and wow, I feel really old by admitting I signed up for one of those early internet campaigns to save the show!

Westerns are ripe for a comeback because this is a genre that can encapsulate all our current gritty cynicism or let the good guys win when we need it. Rather than inserting superficial diversity with little time to explore all the characters, it's surprising this project wasn't another Magnificent Seven serial with time to address the history, racism, and personality of each hero. Were they hoping to make a movie franchise with the latest cool guys varying the seven each time? Unfortunately, this Magnificent Seven wavers between lighthearted adventure and innate lawlessness in a try hard PG-13 attempt more concerned with safely appealing to all audiences rather than balancing the cast and the heroics versus grit tone. At two hours plus, The Magnificent Seven delays a story we know and have seen many times – this picture needed more polish or substance and isn't as good as it should be. It's worth seeing through for fans of the cast, but this doesn't have a lot of repeat value. The gun violence may not be for young viewers, however, The Magnificent Seven can be a fun yarn for a movie night if you expect nothing more than temporary popcorn entertainment.

Writers and Rural Horrors

Writers and Rural Horrors

by Kristin Battestella

Literary paranormals, writerly investigations, isolated forest frights, and wooded vacations gone awry – nature time and being an author don't bode well for the pen-wielding or the backpacking in these recent scarefests.

The Eclipse – Widower Ciarán Hinds (Game of Thrones) encounters a horror writer and ghosts in this surprisingly charming 2010 Irish tale. The accents or slang may be tough for some, however candlelit receptions and picturesque churches add an ethereal pleasantness to the town literary festival and talk of nearby haunted places. Celtic chorales, seaside isolation, ruined abbeys, graveyards, and rainstorms invoke an off-kilter, sleep with the lights on, in limbo feeling where the creepy is possible amid the real world bustle. Pretty greens and almost black and white visuals echo the metaphorical light and dark schemes – our single father lingers over pictures of his late wife while trying to mend his relationship with his ailing, in a home father-in-law. Are the scary dreams, voices in the night, and sleepwalking grief or something more? Is it just wishful thinking when jumping to a paranormal conclusion? Screams outside and unusual dog behaviors suggest something is really afoot, but what? Conversations sharing childhood ghost stories recall the supernatural as both terrifying and an intriguing curiosity, creating tender but eerie moments as visions of the dead and soon to be deceased mount. Are these premonitions or attachment to past happenings? Do we go about our lives with unseen spirits about all the time – or do we make up a ghostly connection to feel better? There can be closure and even writing inspiration with this mature blend of adult themes, but drunken bore and miserable hack Aidan Quinn (Elementary) adds romantic conflict as a rival author. Here men are allowed to be weak louses or have frank comfort in crying or sadness. There are several dark, driving transition scenes, however these lead to character revelations and dramatic plot builds. Such quiet and personal makes it all the more scary when perilous apparitions do jar the melancholy. Viewers can believe the spiritual line is blurred, and we have to decide whether to let it be, move on, or despair our dreams away. At times, the pace may seem slow or uneven – perhaps this should have been either a straight drama or more overt horror. Fortunately, the supernatural potential is heartfelt and realistic, making for a hopeful, lovely little film.

Sinister – Writer Ethan Hawke (Training Day) researches a local murder and missing child case in this 2012 supernatural thriller. While the punk tween son, whiny little girl, and unwelcoming sheriff are typical, old photos and authentic reel footage accent the testy banter, marital strain, and tense family dynamics. Finances hinge on this next book being a success, and their new house is realistically modest – save for the hanging tree in the backyard, of course. Ironically labeled Super 8 reels found in the attic feature pool drownings, lawn mower mishaps, fiery bound and gagged victims, and more murders through the decades and across the country. Who could be committing and filming these crimes? Should our desperate author turn over the snuff evidence or keep going deeper, drinking and obsessing over this scoop? The pulsing music is unnecessary, as are extra shocks, loud bangs, and breaks in character point of view just to call attention to the jump scare for the audience's benefit. Power outages and blackout scenes add to the ominous investigation, however the picture is often too dark to see anything. Child attacks, night terrors, creaking doors, and suspicious movements about the house add better fears, and Hawke's performance keeps the viewer invested as the fantastic possibilities slowly build over the first hour. Snakes or scorpions indoors, eerie film figures, and fire burning away critical frames match the parallel kid drawings and supernatural incidents consuming the home. While meandering ancient information and occult lessons via Skype feel ham-fisted, the frightening photos, unexpected twists, and footage playing by itself seem more organic. Our writer forces himself to watch the gruesome to solve the crime, unaware or too fanatical in his research to see the surreal to which he's subjected his family. Granted, some audiences will like the paranormal turn while others may wish this stayed a straight thriller. The nearer two hour time could have been tighter rather than shoehorning in shock value try hards – triggers aside, the killer footage won't be that shocking to desensitize viewers. Can kids today even appreciate the whir of a film projector versus digital laptop transfers? It's also surprising old notions on the camera stealing the spirit or more recent smartphone instant videoing isn't discussed. Fortunately, the in the can framing story is much nicer than found footage gimmicks, and this is a fine puzzle where the audience must pay attention to the rising paranormal undercurrent. Despite some quibbles, this remains an entertaining little piece. I mean, why would a Babylonian deity need to move into the new millennium by filming his victims in the first place? Ancient gods be waiting for the invention of Super 8, booyah!

Split Decision

Cabin Fever – Dead animals, buzzing flies, and rowdy coeds finally free of campus requirements disrupt the golden forest, fallen leaves, and lakeside sunsets of this 2002 scarefest along with too many pop cues, the obligatory drive to the inevitable, and padding opening credits. I'm not really a fan of writer and director Eli Roth (Hostel), and it is tough to like this cliché group of characters who use “gay” as an insult – a jerk in a ballcap, the horny couple, and an innocent guy trying to take it to the next level with his girl BFF. The sex and cozy cabin are intercut with humor and stupidity, but the dock make out scenes feel derivative of older seventies and eighties horror. Naturally, there are cell phones out of range, vehicle mishaps, and typical arguments over how to handle the contagiousness amid stalling flashbacks showing the campfire tales being told as an excuse for pointless gore and a quick boo moment. An assy appearance by Roth himself complete with pot lures our intrepid group, too. Fortunately, sick locals, slaughtered pigs, errant gunshots, a shady deputy on a bicycle, and a tainted water supply add interest. Blood in bed and drastic divisions step things up halfway through – crazy neighbors take matters into their own hands, and it's fun when folks turn on each other or get what they deserve. Who's infected? Who's next? This had a lot more potential, however red dream inserts and slow motion dogs call attention to a try hard aesthetic or become laughable. The dialogue is basic and not much happens as these vignettes and strung together scenes fade in and out – there's a lot of set up but no scary atmosphere. Gruesome body parts and shootouts are thrown at the screen, leaving nothing but distractions from the premise. Let's stumble upon a body torn in half! Let's hit a deer! Let's find yet another group of drunk coeds in the woods! Too many endings don't really go anywhere, with yet more tacked on in the final fifteen minutes – hospitals, cops, new infections, a town hoe down. This may have ushered in a new wave of indie, R-rated horror for new millennium, but today it seems fairly standard and amateur throwback in its haphazard. If that kind of midnight movie splatter is all you are expecting, then this fits the bill.

Skip It!

Preservation – Wrenn Schmidt (Boardwalk Empire) leads this 2014 cliché ridden wilderness romp written and directed by Christopher Denham – whom I loved on Manhattan. From a driving montage over the opening credits and pretentious cell phone love/hate to redneck jokes, redundant “Are we there yet?” questions, and lots of alcohol mixed with firearms pride; this horror of two brothers and one woman in the woods is going to be same old same old. All you need are a dog and a gun for emergencies – unless your wife isn't up for the experience thanks to a strained marriage, band-aid pregnancy, and a vegan excuse not mentioned until after the deer is being strung up for dinner. The immediately problematic script double talks with hollow quotes and cop out contradictions in an attempted hipster cool, laying it on thick with nostalgia the brothers repeat for the audience and protests from the missus reluctant to go hunting – after we've already seen her enjoy hunting. Viewers have no reason to like this trio, and pretty outdoor photography quickly turns into unpleasant killing footage and dead animal imagery hitting home the man kills for sport motifs. PTSD and kill or be killed for survival adds to the derivative and unbelievable turns. It's 100 degrees with no food or water yet a tiny pregnant woman can rough it just fine barefoot with no map? The conflict and creepy is lame – noises in the woods, unseen observations, missing gear, deceptive directions, and X marks on their foreheads suggest the real scares lie in the hidden killer perspective. However, distant Peeping Tom camerawork and baiting the unprepared yuppies can't compensate for the stupidity of hiding from your attacker in a port a potty or the bored, text messaging kids on bicycles who have nothing better to do but kill. Naturally, one needs an inhaler, they have to get home or they'll be in trouble, and a call from mom comes just in the nick of time! Meanwhile, our insipid heroine uses a dozen flares for a smokescreen rather than blow up a wrecked car as a mighty help signal – the turnabout here comes far too easy and Eden Lake did this better. Why do people turn away from the killers and never make sure the bad guys are dead?

Recent Horror Pros and Cons

Recent Horror Shenanigans

By Kristin Battestella

I do favor classic horror fare and am not a lover of big remakes, but now and again, there are a few recent capers worth your horrorfest hours.  Here’s a quick list of new haunts and thrillers to enjoy- and one very critical one to avoid!

Decent

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009) – After catching this live action update on television, I was pleasantly surprised by this angsty wartime vampire martial arts piece.  It seems like a big pill to swallow, but the half-human, half-vampire conflicts, wartime prejudices, and teenage troubles add plenty of realistic spin for young anime-related fans or old school vamp viewers.   Although I could do without all the slow motion, the mix of vampire action, creative ways to kill vamps, and fighting ingenuity are a lot of fun.  The period style and neat military bits work nicely, creating authentic Asian flair instead of the bland homogenized American version usually watered down for the masses. The post WWII resentment and budding Vietnam issues are handled intelligently for a young adult oriented show, too. Gianna Jun (My Sassy Girl) and Allison Miller (Kings) do well even when the plot may fail them.  They aren’t perfect, but easy to like and have a fine onscreen friendship.  The seventies music is a lot of fun, and the gore is just right for the target teen audience.  Sadly, the CG effects here are woefully bad in several critical fight sequences.  It almost looks like an old crappy eighties cartoon within the film!  I’ve not seen the original short film or Blood anime series, so its tough for me to compare any changes there, but this is a good place for young vampire fans to start with the franchise. Yes, one critical plot point is totally obvious, and there are a lot of holes and confusion at the end.  However, I’m intrigued enough to check out the Blood series.  

Dark Mirror – I stumbled upon this 2007 thriller late one night on IFC and enjoyed the unique aspects here.  It’s so nice to see a non-blonde or idiot buxom pretty perfect lead in Lisa Vidal (New York Undercover).  An ethic mom with issues like sneaking a smoke, possible marriage trouble, unemployment, and creepy neighbors- we haven’t seen the likes of this realistic well-roundedness in a horror film in sometime.   The intriguing twists on cameras, mirrors, flashes, glass, and illusions are well done- not overly excessive but better than other similar films like Mirrors and Shutter.  Even Feng Shui gets involved in the twisted mythos here. The spooky L.A. house design also has some non-Sunny SoCal flaws, complete with hidden objects, altered reflections, deadly history, deceiving twists and turns and an unreliable narrator hosting the entire picture. What exactly are we seeing? What is real and what isn’t?  Some of the storyline is a little confusing, and not all the acting is stellar, but the freshness here is entertaining and thoughtful throughout.

Daybreakers – Well, our first stupid rental blu-ray wouldn’t play and the menus were kind of a pain, but most of this Australian horror flick was a okay.  The technological vampire advances and conveniences were pretty cool.  Some of the little things and eccentricities like courtesy announcements before sunrise were well thought out, and the visual style is well executed.   Everything is blue, mod, and futuristic yet somehow retro, old school cool, and art deco.  Vampires who smoke and wear hats and fine suits while working 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.!  The cast here is also upscale all around, including a fine Ethan Hawke (Gattaca), wonderfully wacky Willem Dafoe (Platoon), and a creepy Sam Neill (The Tudors). The vamp makeup is subtle, allowing the creepy eyes to up the drama, and the bat like subsider look is scary as well.  The ironies, internal conflicts, allegory, and dystopian science feelings also add more dramatic layers, political analysis, resource commentary, and government subtext. Even if some of the promise isn’t totally fulfilled and there are a few plot holes, this is more intelligent stuff than we’ve seen in recent vampire kiddie bits.  Though the blood and gore is laid on a little thick towards the end, this one should have ended better.  Daybreakers wasn’t perfect, but this different and intriguing genre mix was fun to watch. 

The Wolfman (2010) – This flawed, but fun remake from director Joe Johnston (The Rocketeer) is smart to keep traditional make up and period styles ala the original 1941 classic. The old time atmosphere and mood is here thanks to fine performances and clout all around from Chaney-esque Benicio del Toro (Traffic), Anthony Hopkins (Silence of the Lambs), Hugo Weaving (The Matrix), and Emily Blunt (The Young Victoria).  Unfortunately, the CGI graphics here are kind of bad, unnecessary extras we don’t need.  Likewise, an uneven edit and mistakes on the Director’s Cut hurt the picture.  Although the gore is just right, The Wolfman isn’t that scary, going for more period drama.  Today of course, we can’t seem to have both solid horror and great drama, and the open ending here is a bit much, too. Most of the wolf mythos and gypsy material is fairly stereotypical as well, and the score sounds exactly like it was ripped from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Though imperfect, this spooky little movie entertained me, and I hope this is the vibe and style used for the upcoming Dark Shadows movie. However, I do hope Universal doesn’t do any other classic remakes. You can see this was a labor of love for those involved, but leave it at that, okay? And while I’m complaining, the blu-ray disc had so many annoying widgets and interactive menus that we didn’t bother fighting them to get to the features. I also hate super low voices and loud ass loud effects, but nowadays that’s the norm!

So Bad I mean bad is bad woefully!

Halloween 2 (2009) – My husband rarely derides a film, and he called this one ‘a disaster’.  Goodness, this Rob Zombie (House of 1,000 Corpses) sequel was horrible beyond belief.  From the ambiguous dream sequence beginning to the stupid and obvious end (or vice versa), everything about this film is ill conceived.  Scout Taylor Compton (The Runaways) is annoying as hell with her postmodern grunge look, cursing therapist rage, and all out screamfeast.  Brad Dourif (Lord of the Rings) and Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange) do the best with the material they are given, but it’s as if they are playing different men from the characters established in the 2007 remake.  Margot Kidder (Superman) also deserves more than a cameo as a seemingly asinine therapist who doesn’t get poor Laurie.  Not that we could see any of this drivel thanks to the dark camerawork, hair in everyone’s face, and more gore gore gore- nor could we hear any of the serious dialogue for all the explosive effects and expletive language.  And my goodness did Zombie create this dream vision of Michael’s mother ala Pamela Voorhees just so he could keep his wife Sherri Moon in the sequel?  Despite these being the best-filmed scenes, it all looks like something out of another movie called nepotism.  What else is the point of this overlong waste?