Pandemic Horror Pros and Cons

Pandemic Horror Pros and Cons

by Kristin Battestella

Being at home during the Coronavirus outbreak has led to new viewing opportunities and plenty of time to watch them. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that these recent famous monsters, demon films, supernatural tales, and ghostly terrors are going to be all quality.

These were Good...

Frankenstein – Jonny Lee Miller (Elementary) and Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) alternate as the Doctor and His Monster for director Danny Boyle (Shallow Grave) in these two, two hour performances presented by National Theatre Live. Tolling bells, heartbeats, billowing backdrops, red lighting, and shadows invoke membranes and tissue for the monstrous birth while circular staging, mechanical floor changes, and electricity crackle with smoke and sound effects. Sweeping camerawork and overhead views add a surreal, looking down on high symbolism as locomotives, goggles, and top hats create an industrial, steampunk mood. Well done scarring, stitching, and bald, pasty looks match the pulsing nerves and body contortions which, though melodramatic for the back row to some, are realistic discoveries. This performance requires a certain agility and flexibility – Cumberbatch shows range in the ugly, yet his portrayal is more childlike or simpleton compared to Miller's guttural cries and visceral physicality. Our Creature begins helpless, unable to control his limbs amid confusion, laughter, and pain. With no dialogue in the first ten minutes, the audience is expected to be familiar with the story, leaving the doctor's abandonment, sing song rowdy, and horrified crowds to speak for themselves alongside young innocence and an emotional score. Some viewers may find the interpretive almost performance art bemusing at first, however the beatings on the street lead to a humble homestead and a blind man unafraid of kindness, and the drama gets better as it goes on with lessons on God, sin, tenderness, and paradise. Men are hungry, thirsty for food and knowledge – asking big questions on existence, friendship, and philosophy while conflict and tragedy mount. Dreams of a female creature come to life are an unexpected but welcome ballet before fire, screams, fear, and revenge. Fiancee Naomi Harris (Skyfall) is sublime in modern regency looks, but her grace and compassion aren't what Victor wants thanks to fatal lakeside encounters and vengeful confrontations. He despises his Creation but is proud of him because The Monster proves Victor could, and superb intellectual debates on who's the hardened murderer or justified and wronged lonely are really about conquering death rather than scientific experimentation. Reasoning like men falls prey to grave robbing and aggression, and though appalled at a second, surely wicked creation, Victor delights in the female challenge. Cumberbatch is more in his element reveling in the mad science as nightmares and ghosts create a sounding board in lieu of showing laboratory wonders. This perfect woman, however, needs a man not a monster, and the conflict doesn't shy away from the marital bed. Our impotent, stitching perfection together doctor won't procreate with his wife, but the females here are objects of desire solely for the violence of men, never appreciated for their goodness and unnecessarily assaulted as father doctor and creation son each learn to lie and best each other for their own gain. Although unnecessary extras and a slow, uneven start may feel off putting or overlong to some, the action and dramatic pace increase in the second half. I personally preferred the Miller as the Creature version, but thanks to National Theatre At Home Options, this dual told story remains entertaining with some great one on one segments for an interactive classroom reading and viewing comparison.

The Heretics – Kidnappings, ritual symbols, altars, torches, and cults lead to freaky masks, chanting, demons, and sacrifices in this 2017 Canadian indie. The nightmares continue five years later despite group therapy, volunteer work, and an overprotective mother who won't let her daughter walk home alone. Assaulted and abused women are meek and apologetic, comforted by time heals all wounds hopeful, but others don't want to be touched, refusing to be victims and tired of lies that don't make it better. Would they go back and change their experience or seek revenge? Our female couple supports each other with realistic conversations and maturity – not horror's typical angry lez be friends titillation solely for the viewer gaze. Unfortunately, creepy campers, chains, and a scarred abductor ruin necklaces and birthday plans, leading to skull entrance markers, an isolated cabin, and flashbacks of the original attack with hooded dead, white robes, and flowery dresses marred in blood. Sunrise deadlines, whispers of angels, fitting Gloria names, and religious subtext balance faith, doubts, God, biblical aversions, and horns. What's a delusion and who's delusional? Who's right or wrong about what they believe? The multi-layered us versus them, who's really involved in what sinister, and what is truth or lies aren't clear amid threats, stabbings, whips, and history repeating itself. Men versus women innuendo and who needs saving attempts add to the less than forthcoming police, lack of answers, and obsessive searches. Who is trying to protect whom? Violence begets violence thanks to fanatical beliefs in the ritual and long awaited ceremonies. This demon is deceptive, growing stronger and more tantalizing despite a gross, uncomfortable sex scene. Occasionally the boo monster in your face jumps are forced, but the fine body horror, creaking wings breaking out the back, squishing sounds, and black sinews make up the differences. Fevers, convulsions, hairy clumps, and visions increase along with the realizations of what is happening before candles, pentagrams, burns, and one more final sacrifice. Viewers know where it all has to go, yet this remains entertaining getting there via escalating horror invasive, ritual complications, and one ready and waiting demon.

But Jinkies These were Stinky

Annabelle Comes Home – A middle of nowhere cemetery, foggy crossroads, engine trouble, and ghosts in the backseat open this 2019 entry in The Conjuring universe with creepy atmosphere and familiar faces as Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga) bless and encase the titular doll in their demonic collection. Despite warnings on possession, crosses, and phantoms knocking at the door, the nowhere left to go timeline is backed into a confusing corner – we're after the prologue but before the main events of the First Film in an unseen in between home alone with The Warrens' daughter and her babysitter. Newspaper articles about The Warrens allow for mean jokes, bullies, and nasty neighbors, however it's tough to feel anything ominous when pesky folks deliberately go into the spooky vault and get what they deserve. Sixties music cues, record players, and period patterns are just window dressing as the teen sitter and her sassy BFF look too young and modern, and our charge also seems too old to be so childish. Thanks to contrived psychic encounters, terrible serenades, convenience, and more boy trouble, they all make stupid decisions just because the plot says so. Messing with the cursed items is merely an excuse for a variety of evil games, pointless evil wolf apparitions, and pianos playing by themselves. The random ghosts unnoticed in the background as if they are always among us are chilling and the rocking chair creaking by itself accents evil brides and decent individual scare vignettes. Unfortunately, the deflated Halloween horror feels tacked on in a bad coming of age movie sleepover complete with the cliché inhaler, and we never care about the people because viewers know nothing of consequence is going to happen to upset the canon. It turns out exploring The Warrens house while they are away for most of the film is derivative and boring, and this is more like a Conjuring for kids who shouldn't be watching the R rated flagship films. I zoned out after the first hour, only to be alerted by all the obnoxious phones ringing and incessant door bells – for the most frightening thing here is trite jump scare noise.

Demonic – Maria Bello (The Dark) and Frank Grillo (The Gates) lead this 2015 ghost hunters picture within a picture from producer James Wan (Insidious). Though brief, the opening credits are typical news reports and hyperbolic headlines of satanic rituals and brutal murders. Cell phone calls fill in exposition on the crime house, the sheriff's interrupted love life, and country town first name basis. Creepy dolls, fresh blood, and new bodies are at the scene of the original crime, but then we go back to the sunny one week earlier as our paranormal, passive aggressive yuppies have ominous chats about visions, dead mothers, and pregnancy giveaways in a weak connection to the past horrors. Via interrogations and corrupted cameras, the current investigation and the precipitating paranormal house attack unfold side by side. We just saw these people's dead bodies in the house, so it's not so much confusing as it is pointless and irritating to go back and forth. Viewers aren't seeing anything in the proper time solely to delay and distort the narrative with amateur intercuts and handy cams. For seemingly sophisticated equipment, all the innate herky jerky is cheap with off camera screams and attacks unseen not because that's scary, but because it was easier not to show what matters. We don't get to follow the police discovery trying to piece together the footage from their view because we're being subjected to in your face found footage fake outs that toy with what's in camera and out of the point of view. People are missing but apparently finding them isn't as important as perusing the lame footage complete with driving to the horror, useless store stops, trite introductions, and exposition not conversations. The present adults and whiny coeds going where they shouldn't are terribly disjointed, padding the two movies in one feeling with interrogation voiceovers such as “Let me get this straight....” Critical information is deliberately withheld until contrived car chases, convenient confrontations, easily deduced laptop clues, and occult research reiterate the absolutely not surprising possessions. Cliché ghosts, black ooze, and hackneyed open mouth roars can't disguise the jumbled mess, and it all insults the wise horror viewer – treating us as if we're as stupid as the people in the movie.

Malevolent – Scamming medium Florence Pugh (The Falling) sees real ghosts in this 2018 British/Netflix original set in 1986 as indicated with old televisions, large equipment, tape decks, and microfilm. The neon discotheques, however, are unnecessary, and the trench coats, high ponytails, and stacked bangles look more like costumes than clothes. If one misses the onscreen date, you might not even notice this is meant to be a period piece especially thanks to modern dialogue and today's terribly young looking twenty-somethings who don't seem old enough to drive much less orchestrate eighties supernatural con jobs. Grandpa James Cosmo (Game of Thrones) provides classy poise, but he's embarrassingly only used in one scene loaded with family history before spooky phone calls and bizarre self help tape voiceovers. Maybe the smoking, drug references, and warped positivity are meant to be character layers – we can understand the stress her big brother has in taking on all the family responsibilities – but his shady dealings make him a real jerk and he bullies his sister and girlfriend into the haunt hoax before blaming them for thinking the scheme's gone too far when he's at fault. Schoolgirls were murdered at the eerie manor in their latest investigation, but the maze like rooms and falling through the floor injuries feel hollow because our jerk demands they continue the faux exorcising despite the risks so he can get paid. Nosebleeds to indicate when one really has a ghostly encounter become trite when they happen every time. Once is enough, but the audience is beat over the head with this minute detail rather than seeing more about the old lady who calls their showmanship bluff. There's no sense of scale or consequences when something we already know is revealed to a character just to move the plot elsewhere. Viewers are over the footage within footage camerawork, as if we don't look at devices enough and need any type of screen to look through rather than just see for ourselves. Sideways video from a dropped camera, creepy dolls, and sing song music are getting old, too when following a silent ghost is all we need. It's tough to appreciate sinister villains cutting people's tongues out when we don't care about the victim by time we get to the haunted house meets contemporary chop shop torture in the final act. Whether it's by human or supernatural means, there's never any doubt where the cliches are going.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

What went Wrong with The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

by Kristin Battestella

Director Rob Cohen (Dragonheart) takes up the mantle from producer Stephen Sommers, director of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, for the 2008 sequel The Mummy:Tomb of the Dragon Emperor as Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and his wife Evelyn (Maria Bello) come to the rescue when their son Alex (Luke Ford) discovers the entombed Dragon Emperor (Jet Li). Once unleashed, however, the only person who can stop the resurrected Emperor is Zi Yuan (Michelle Yeoh) – the sorceress who cursed him.

Ancient Chinese mounds, swords, armor, and dynastic motifs accent the assassination plots, stabbings, raids, and conquest in the opening prologue. The enslaved building of The Great Wall, life after death texts, and forbidden romance betrayals, unfortunately, are a lot like the opening of the First Film, right down to the same Mummy music cues. Then again, the elemental powers, ancient libraries, tormented generals, and immolating curses nonetheless make for a great tale – one viewers forget isn't it's own adventure once Tomb of the Dragon Emperor restarts with our previous heroes now unhappy with post-war quiet and in a rut despite luxury living. Their son's discoveries of Chinese monoliths and the Emperor's tomb come easy and don't feel super epic thanks to the back and forth editing between the bored O'Connells and grave robber skeletons. There's little time to awe at the 2,000 year old frozen in time clay army when the more interesting plot elements are glossed over for set pieces treated as more important than the wonder. We can't enjoy the dragon crossbows, booby traps, or tomb chases because The O'Connells were apparently doing secret espionage work in the interim that we didn't get to see, either. Instead, some Lara Croft:Tomb Raider – Cradle of Life Eye of Shangra-La gem points the way to eternal life, with Tomb of the Dragon Emperor both embracing the Asian history yet feeling xenophobic with evil uniforms, double crossing enemies, and contrived western interference repeating the prior films' M.O. Chases through the streets with fireworks and New Year run amok are fun, but long, hollow fight sequences that do nothing to advance the plot make Tomb of the Dragon Emperor feel longer than it is. There's no sense of the scope or magical powers despite Himalayan treks, avalanches, mystical healings, and a revived Emperor who himself is asking what this is all for anyway. After the first hour, it's not quite clear what's happening with everything including a three headed dragon thrown at the screen in the last half hour. With a hop, skip, and jump, we're at a Great Wall spectacle raising rival dead armies in a Lord of the Rings easy meets CGI versus CGI a la The Phantom Menace that rapidly loses its touch.

Fly fishing in the English countryside is not quite Rick O'Connell's thing, and Brendan Fraser's once proactive, rugged adventurer is now an out of touch, corny old man with outdated weapons and unheeded advice. It's weird to see our favorite couple now arguing about their parenting and contemplating mistakes made – and not just because Maria Bello (The Dark) replaces Rachel Weisz as Evelyn in Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. After writing two successful novels about their mummy adventures, she's hung up with writer's block on the promised third book, but Evie doesn't have much to say or do once the characters are forgotten in the nonsensical action. Bello looks great in the period frocks and initially the camera accents that forties tone with coy smiles and under the hat brim poise, but this Evie does indeed seem like a different person. It would have been interesting if Bello had instead been a second wife and resented step mom competing with Evie's memory. Although the kid in peril was one of the problematic parts of The Mummy Returns, Luke Ford (Hercules) is now the grown up Alex rebelling against his parents yet conveniently following in their archaeology footsteps. Unfortunately, immortal hang ups and young love opposites attract can't save the character from falling completely flat, and Uncle Jonathan John Hannah is a nightclub owner who spends most of his barely there comic relief with a yak while pilot Liam Cunningham (Hunger) is merely convenient transportation. It's a pity we only really see Jet Li's (Romeo Must Die) warlord at the beginning and the end of Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. For most of the picture, the eponymous bad guy – who doesn't get any other name despite the historical possibilities – is just a resurrected, stilted, CGI thing more like an automaton robot rather than the feared man in charge. His powers over the elements are small scale or convenient, manipulating snow or fire and shape shifting as needed without any real countdown or ascension of power as anchored by Arnold Vosloo's Imhotep in the First Film. For the finale we get Li's fine action skills as expected, but he never really has the chance to be the true villain of the piece. Likewise, Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies) is relegated to glossed over bookends. Her immortal Zi Yuan witch lives in Shangri-La, and 2,000 years of magical pools are quickly explained away before a great but too brief one on one battle between our ancient foes – which is all we really want to see in Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

While some of the fiery terracotta effects don't look so great on bu-ray, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor does well with tangible sand, statues, tents, and archaeology tools. The grand English estates match the vintage cars, antiques, typewriters, gloves, fedoras, and stoles. Temples in the mountains, Asian architecture, and snowy panoramas create a sense of adventure while chariots and molten horses coming to life invoke danger. Unfortunately, the shootouts, attacks, and explosions are super loud and cliché music cues are noticeably out of place. To start, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor feels very forties styled in a Universal homage, but then the action becomes hectic and modern messy with stereotypical seventies zooms when it comes to the kung fu. The camera, the people, and the fantastics are all moving at the same time and it's tough for the audience to see anything, and those contrived yetis – yes, yetis – are embarrassingly bad. Today, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor could have been a direct to streaming off shoot adventure – after all they're still making those direct to video Scorpion King movies. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor breaks from the more familiar theme with a bait and switch title caught between two masters. Tomb of the Dragon Emperor seeks to take the series in a new direction whilst also keeping its ties to the previous films. If this had no connection to The Mummy and embraced its own dynastic legends and lore, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor could have been a fun action adventure. Perhaps it can still be entertaining for youth able to separate it from the legacy of the First Film. Otherwise, the flawed, thin story, and try hard of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is just window dressing reaching for an adventurous charm that isn't there.

Two Great vs Two Serviceable Horrors

Two Great and Two Serviceable Recent Horrors

by Kristin Battestella

Today's horror can be so hit or miss, amirite? Here are two independent and superior scares making the case against two mainstream but under-cooked horror standards. 

 

Great Twists

The Blackcoat's Daughter – Haunting melodies, terrible news, and subtitles like “silence” and “eerie ambiance” open this chiller from director Oz Perkins (I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House) along with suggestive lion and lamb lyrics, crosses on the wall, priestly substitutes, and father figure innuendo. Rather than emo angst, the bad girl pregnancy scares and awkward acting out are handled maturely, with a Picnic at Hanging Rock weirdness. Dark filming against bleak windows or open doors make us unsure what side we are on, capturing the dreary mundane as two girls are stuck at school during winter break. The intertwining build of events may be slow to some, but each act follows one girl in distorted, compelling vignettes. Common bathroom echoes and creaking doors add to the spooky orange boiler room and what we think we saw contortions while change for the pay phone, maps, bus stops, and red tail lights create helplessness and traveling dangers. And you know, parents saying a teen can't have one has to be the best excuse yet for a lack of cell phones. Who stole the laptop? Do you trust the stranger offering a ride? Is being happy an ulterior motive or will the god believing good Samaritan find its the devil that answers instead? These young ladies are filmed not for titillation as in slasher T-n-A horror but with a sense of innocence and fragility. Rather than in your face mayhem, suspect conversations, sinister changes, and non-linear story telling give the audience intriguing pieces of creepy doubt. Is a crazy student after the headmaster's attention or is that really a reflection of horns and a shadowy devil in the frame? The surreal atmosphere makes viewers peer deeper at the screen, wondering if the devil, possessions, or unreliable impressions are playing tricks on us. Editing splices match the bloody stabbings, with nonchalant mentions of forensics having to find which head matches which body. Static, distorted voices, and vibrating sound invoke more unease amid an isolating, hoodwinked power of suggestion. The audience sees the reaction on a police officer's face rather than the terrible shocks he witnesses – doing the worst horrors imagined with a subtle reveal instead of pulling the rug out from under the viewer and calling it a twist. Although spoon fed audiences may want answers immediately instead of open to interpretation confusion and arty pretentiousness – Perkins may need an outside eye on his writing and directing to clarify this pizzazz for the masses – once you wrap your head around it, this is a straightforward story taking its time with a unique mood and special characters for full gruesome effect.

Tale of Tales – Salma Hayek (Frida), Vincent Cassel (Black Swan), Toby Jones (Infamous), and John C. Reilly (Chicago) star in this international, R rated dark fantasy bringing three Italian parables to life with medieval castles, vintage plazas, and divine forests. Colorful period costumes add to the carnival atmosphere amid jugglers, fire eaters, and traveling wagons entertaining at court. There is, however, a sinister to the bemusement with youth and beauty versus old age, life and death bargains, nudity, and sexual undertones. Parallel fates, duality, and mirror imagery accent the charlatan fortune teller promising a sea monster's heart cooked by a virgin and eaten by the queen will ensure pregnancy. Good suspense, underwater effects, gory slashes, choice red, disturbing violence, and bloody carcasses escalate the action without making the fantasy a ridiculously overblown spectacle. Ogres, funeral processions, albino twins, and creepy old ladies share in mystical connections, enchanted springs, separations, and temptations. Precious offspring are mere extensions of their parents' rule, but man that is one freaky giant pet flea! We don't notice the two hours plus length thanks to unexpected circumstances, ironic riddles, and brutish suitors. This is a beautiful looking movie with a little bit of everything remaining entertaining even in its darkest moments with caves, terrible bats, and deceptive appearances. Changing one's skin may not change what's inside, but some people will help or hinder fate for their own selfishness and there are consequences for trying to change what's meant to be. This is sad at times and not scary for many – most may not like the collected meanwhile in the realm style either. However, Hollywood would Princess Bride frame these Basile tales with narrator bookends toning down the brutal and not shy with a Disney gentrification. This is period accurate and elaborate for adults but no less a fantasy with darkness and charm bringing the well paced, quality stories full circle. The lessons are learned without being as exploitative or nasty as Game of Thrones, and I wish there more mature baroque fantasies like this instead of the same old cutesy.

Serviceable Scares

Lights Out – This 2016 feature adaptation of the popular 2013 short is still a little short itself at eighty minutes and keeps restarting with a working dad on skype, mom talking to herself, a little brother not sleeping, and a bad attitude big sister with a sensitive rocker boyfriend. Fortunately, employees locking up for the night lead to crackling electricity and shadows that blink closer with each flick of the light switch. What would you do if you turned out the lights and saw a silhouette that isn't there when the lights are on? We know something is in the dark, but not what, and the old school light means safety rule works amid the almost GIF-like now you see it now you don't. Ominous tracking shots, red spotlights, neon signs flashing, and black lights create enough mood without unnecessary transition pans, bones cracking, and scratching sounds. A young boy with spooky afoot and a mother who may or may not be crazy are more interesting than time wasting millennial emo, and Maria Bello (A History of Violence) as the unstable wife dealing with shadows real or imagined a la The Babadook should have been the lead here. Naming the shadow, having her talk, and the constantly changing backstory gets laughable at times – as do slides across the floor and zooms on the ceiling. The research montage is a convenient home office snoop for a cassette tape from the doctor and a few photographs with retro jumpy footage snips patchworking the light sensitivity, skin disorder, institution experiment gone wrong, and psychic ghost happenings. There's inconsistent UV light and physicality excuses, too, but if you aren't going to give the audience a concrete explanation – i.e. saving it for the inevitable sequel – then there shouldn't be any attempted information at all. Is this multiple personalities, a basement relative, or a childhood lez be friends BFF that won't let go even in death? Why not call in the institution doctor or present your evidence to the sniffing child services instead of just yelling at your mother? There's a kid so afraid he's sleeping in the bathtub with the flashlight shining on his face, something's tugging on mom's sweater from behind the door, and quality under the bed threats rekindle timeless fears. There's no need to add convoluted characters or ever leave the unique Tudor house standoff, yet one can tell where the trite dialogue and thin story were stretched to appeal to the mainstream teen horror public – complete with an L.A. setting, rich white blonde people, and a made stupid black cop and his Hispanic female partner. The short film didn't have to explain its narrative the way a feature does, and this isn't the worst recent horror film, but the good ending is a little too quick, playing it safe, serviceable, and ticking the standard contemporary horror boxes rather than really zinging. One should either stick with the original short or take this as a separate late night chiller for full bump in the night enjoyment.

The Boy – Eccentric British parents hire a babysitter for their son – who just happens to be a doll – in this 2016 bizzarity. There's padding opening credits driving the young American woman in a foreign country to the kid horrors, because of course, and there's a no wif-fi, no neighbors phone call to her sister about a nasty ex, too. Fake boo moments, dream shocks, and phantom phone calls are unnecessary, as is the psychic grocery delivery man who reads gum and guesses wrong. I kid you not. The introduction to the little doll – err son is laughable as well, but our nanny must play along with the well paying delusion and make sure he sits up straight during their poetry lessons. Creepy portraits, strange noises, prayers, thunderstorms, and taxidermy create an eerie atmosphere for this warped hook while a great Canadian castle stands in for the cluttered English estate. Old toys, phonographs, candles, windows painted shut, and traps to keep rats out of the walls add to the freaky doll moments, but our babysitter waits until the doll uncovers itself and the stereo-typically locked attic doors open by themselves before following the house rules. She also never bothers to explore or investigate, but there's an obligatory local who knows the dead little girl past and eight year old died in a fire back story – tossing in cliché details along with lost pregnancies, love triangles, and taking a shower trite. If you're going to go into the ominous attic in nothing but a towel or have a doll listening to the sex in the next room, then don't be a soft PG-13 but embrace that winking R. The eponymous frights should be stronger, and although we smartly don't see any silly doll moving effects, the traditional filming style doesn't do justice to the oddity. Rather than embracing the bizarre bonding afoot, the standard horror formulaic wastes too much time – this unusual premise could really shine if the flip flopping world rules didn't detract from the aloof charm. A WTF siege veers the finale into something more preposterous, calling it a twist while holding back as late night horror lite for people who haven't already seen any similar scary movies.

Butterfly on a Wheel

Butterfly on a Wheel is Too Mixed Bag

By Kristin Battestella

Perfect couple Abby (Maria Bello) and Neil (Gerard Butler) Randall are on their way to a weekend retreat at his boss’ cabin in hopes of a promotion for Neil. Unfortunately, the meticulously calculating Tom (Pierce Brosnan) hijacks their SUV along the way. He has Abby and Neil’s daughter Sophie (Emma Karwandy, The Dead Zone) abducted and insists the only way for the couple to get their daughter back is to do everything he asks for the next 24 hours. From mundane errands to theft, Abby and Neil’s desperations and crimes increase quickly and result in deadly consequences.

Stateside this 2007 family thriller was unimaginatively re-billed Shattered – we get how their world has crumbled, thanks. However, this humdrum, common title is actually more indicative of how basic director Mike Barker (To Kill a King) and writer William Morrissey’s (The Entitled) interwoven plot and stock characters actually are. Spoilers, our happy couple isn’t perfect after all, and Butterfly on a Wheel takes too many stupid misdirections to prove it. This isn’t anything viewers haven’t seen before – we see it a lot, truly – yet the path here grows increasingly preposterous only to bottom out in the end. Yes, that is the point of the original Butterfly on a Wheel name and source, but the viewer has no reason to care why this man is making this couple do these elaborately mundane tasks, and by the end, there might even be a little audience anger or resentment. Oh, was that all? We want the explanations to be bigger than they are. Kidnapping, forced motivations, deception, and betrayal are all certainly relatable topics, yet somehow the terrorizations feel so hollow. Are we not meant to be scared by these real world dangers? The focus on the crazy, calculated randomness cheapens the what could have been complexity here.

Fortunately, producer and ex-James Bond Pierce Brosnan keeps Butterfly on a Wheel mildly interesting. We’re just not used to seeing his suave, often classy, and besuited self so five o’clock shadow and dicey with a slightly scary introduction – one may even initially suspect that Brosnan’s and Gerard Butler’s roles should have been reversed.  His full Irish lilt is toned down and Tom’s creepy nature is surprisingly good, but his threats simply aren’t that apparent. More viewers will probably get choked up at his burning of the Randall’s money than when he cuts off phone calls to their kidnapped daughter. We don’t see the child, babysitter, or other accomplices and modes of operation, so the elaborateness of his plan isn’t fully felt. I dare say the child plot points could have been removed, as they are ironically a non-factor instead of the core of Butterfly on a Wheel.  Wonderful subtle moments from Brosnan, however, do keep some sinister alive. It’s very disturbing when he lights a cigarette and goes right on talking after he crashes a car as if nothing major had happened. Granted, it’s tough to take Pierce Brosnan as full on, seriously evil, but Tom has nothing to lose, and such desperation can be frightening or strangely understandable today.  As Butterfly on a Wheel unfolds, you almost don’t blame him for what he does.  Of course, part of his back-story isn’t what it seems or will be obvious to some audiences. Tom’s quest could have been achieved with a lot simpler betrayals, and whatever control he thinks he has, isn’t really about him at all. Butterfly on a Wheel tries to be coy on these secrets, but the back talking script should have been streamlined or left to allow Brosnan free reign on this potentially intriguing turn.

Our sappy couple is also written as so damn perfect that it is sick and obviously too good to be true – not the best foundation to open Butterfly on a Wheel. It feels like Maria Bello did a lot of these scary thriller types ala A History of Violence post ER, and the plain, simple wife role doesn’t suit her. Abby dresses kind of ugly, and of course, her life is meant to be fulfilled by a baby and a photography hobby turned business in typical Hollywood cliché. Yet somehow, little wife Abby almost immediately changes into the tough talking, pants wearing half of our couple once her daughter’s life is at stake. On one hand, this is understandable for any mother, certainly. However, the sudden character change is too unbelievable, and it’s evident that her weapon in this escapade will be something sexual – in this case a striptease. Wise viewers will predict her character arc completely, and once Abby is resorted to her feminine wiles, she sort of disappears from Butterfly on a Wheel before the finale. Ironically, she becomes sympathetic by default in this absence before the over long, soap opera twist and supposedly kicker conclusion undoes the character completely.

Even sans my preferred bearded style, Gerard Butler (300) thankfully looks good with dark hair and a nice accent for Butterfly on a Wheel. Of course, the barely there glasses are meant to show the audience he’s all business without having us loose focus on those beautiful eyes, and Neil is all good looking and he knows it vanity to start. He’s the perfect salesmen and doesn’t sweat the competition until he unexpectedly looses his cool once Tom enters his life. Butterfly on a Wheel opens with so much time spent on establishing the couple as is, and again, the role reversal almost comes too easy. Suddenly Neil is revealing limp fish true colors, completely emasculated, and afraid of heights. If it is this easy to ruin this guy, then all the effort Tom goes thru is really unnecessary, isn’t it? We don’t even know what Neil did to be the focus of Tom’s plan anyway – a smart viewer can suspect, but we don’t care enough about the character thanks to all these switcharoos. There are numerous opportunities for Neil to do something about Tom, but he strangely becomes a stupid, not fully thought out character who falls into too many easy chances. His lack of police help also becomes weak plot points, as does his own love and mixed motivations for his daughter. With all the lies and assholeness littering Butterfly on a Wheel, the audience doesn’t really know what to believe and by the end doesn’t much care so long as Butler is pretty to look at throughout. 

Though mostly of television extraction, full potential also isn’t given to the fine supporting cast, including BFF Samantha Ferris (The 4400, who I never realized looks so much like Leah Remini!), competitive co-worker Nicholas Lea (The X-Files), and surprisingly Desiree Zurowski (Charlie St. Cloud) as babysitter Helen. The saucy twists for secretary Claudette Mink (Kingdom Hospital) are expected, but her plots come across as asinine rather than bringing any layering or realism. Her Judy is so nice to Abby’s face, but her reasons for the bitchiness are never realized – ultimately, her revelations just feel cruel and stupid. Most of Butterfly on a Wheel is also too dark to see all the action – by time we get to the final, drag out fight, the audience is tired of the flat, dreary, blue tinted palette and nighttime photography. Some of the physical, intimate violence, however, does look angry and authentic – Gerard Butler has spoken of his ongoing back problems from the crazy car crash scene here. You don’t like hearing about people being injured for a film, but somehow it adds a bit of dimension to Butterfly on a Wheel, a desperation that’s missing in the drama onscreen. 

Butterfly on a Wheel could have been a straightforward and taut thriller about four mature adults getting revenge on each other via work, finances, and sex, but instead it fizzles under its own pretentiousness.  If none of this actually happens, then is there a point to it all? The audience is the one who suffers the titular roundabout exaggeration more than anyone, as if we’ve been tricked into watching something that pulls the rug out from under us – and not in a good, surprising twist, fun film way, either. It could have been much, much more, yet Butterfly on a Wheel unfulfills on its attempted terror and suspense with predictable stupidity. Precious few intense moments and a bemusing to watch cast almost make up the difference, but not by much.

The Jane Austen Book Club

The Jane Austen Book Club Wasn’t Half Bad

By Leigh Wood

First, allow me a disclaimer: I don’t like Jane Austen. I don’t read much Regency at all. In fact, I really actually hate Jane Austen and liked nothing I’ve read by her. So, why am I watching The Jane Austen Book Club?

Divorcee Bernadette (Kathy Baker, Picket Fences) decides to help her friends overcome life’s troubles by starting an all Jane Austen book club. Happily independent dog breeder Jocelyn (Maria Bello) recruits sci-fi geek Griggs (Hugh Dancy, Blood and Chocolate) to the book group, in hopes he will distract her best friend Sylvia (Amy Brennman) from her recent divorce with Daniel (Jimmy Smits). Their gay daughter Allegra (Maggie Grace, Lost) is reluctant to join the club, but moves back in with her mother. Confused French teacher Prudie (Emily Blunt) struggles with her sports minded husband Dean (Marc Blucas) and her attraction to student Trey (Kevin Zegers, Air Bud). As the group reads Austen’s six novels, the works take on new meaning against their current trials and tribulations.

You’ll forgive me if some of the cute references and allusions to Austen’s work go over my head, and I must say I find it irritating that source author Karen Joy Fowler can write a book essentially copying all six of Austen’s novels. The storylines from each book weave through here and each of the ladies mirrors Austen’s heroines. As I said, I don’t know all the finite details of all of Austen, but some of the Emma matchmaking and Persuasion relating is way obvious. Do something original already! Then again, The Jane Austen Book Club is a bestseller and a successful movie, so what do I know?

The Jane Austen Book Club’s realistically cast and likeable ladies are what keep the film’s storyline from going over the top. Each lady has her moment to shine according to what month and book is on, though I think an opportunity was lost in the too brief appearance of Lynn Redgrave (Gods and Monsters, Shine) as Prudie’s commune living, pothead Mama Sky. Instead of getting to the meat of this relationship, this intrigue is only used to make Prudie more neurotic and Austen dependant. I have to stay, I didn’t recognize Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada, Henry VIII) amid her (hee) plain Jane, French loving style. Each gal and guy is a little clichéd and obvious, but since we are familiar with most of the cast, we indulge. I like Amy Brenneman (Judging Amy), even if she seems to play a lot of the same characters. It’s nice to see not just the young, hip chicks, and clichéd lesbians (They’re not butch, but young and pretty yet we never see them hot and heavy onscreen like the hetero couples), but older women as well. No one here is thirty-something.

I don’t necessarily like Maria Bello (The Dark, ER), but I’m seeing her in more and more films. She isn’t stellar or unique, but somehow bohemian and free spirited. I swear she looks pregnant in this film-all her clothes are baggy and her boho bags are always in front of her stomach. The looks aren’t flattering, and it is odd to see her with the young techie Griggs. Unfortunately, the men get shorted here-ranging from sensitive boy toys to jerky husbands. I can see that Marc Blucas (It’s Riley from Buffy!) might not have had many offers coming his way, but why did Jimmy Smits (Dexter, The West Wing, NYPD Blue, Star Wars) take on such an unflattering part? He’s a respected working actor who can get a lot meatier part I’m sure. Again, character relationships were sacrificed between Smits and Brenneman-who looks just dandy together onscreen- in favor of more Austen reflections.

Now, I’m sure there are plenty of die hard Austenites out there, but I barely got through Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility, and to me, Northanger Abbey is totally inferior to Wuthering Heights. I don’t like her style or her uppity and romancey subject matter, and can’t see how any modern successful woman can enjoy books about prim ladies who stay home all day and debate love versus money. I don’t think I’m a feminist, but I don’t know how anybody who favors women’s equality can enjoy the backward movement of Jane Austen. Oh, Keira Knightly in Becoming Jane! It’s nothing to be proud of to say you’ve read all of Austen, it just proves what a girly girl you are. Sports head Dean and Jane wannabe Prudie would never have even married in real life. As if a guy like that would really turn on the dime over Persuasion. The Jane Austen Book Club is a little unrealistic in saying that loving Jane Austen cures all. Like Jocelyn’s reluctance to read Ursula Le Guin, there’s a lot better classic literature out there, and far better material to emulate.

Parents, teachers, and watchdog groups always complain that watching too much television, seeing so much sex and violence, and playing too many video games is frying the next generation’s brains. If human see, human do is true and kids kill and have sex because they see it on television; then shouldn’t the same logic say that if we see people reading books on film, we might read more? Sure, we see someone holding a book for a few seconds in a window seat or at school, but the nature of the book and its story don’t often come into play in a mainstream movie’s plot. Yes it’s a bit too chick flick for these ladies to be bemoaning Austen’s work in relation to their own lives-I kept waiting for someone to say ‘Are we still talking about Sense and Sensibility or are we on you now?’. It is, however, refreshing to see the good, bad, and ugly of a book’s characters, style, and story discussed by a mixed group of intelligent, respectable people. These aren’t geeky loveless teens infatuated with Shakespeare ala 10 Things I Hate About You; for so often if books are figured into film, it’s usually the uptight nerd of a group who loves libraries and fawns over books. Is this an accurate representation of readership in America? I think not. When will we see hip, tech savvy, post college folks reading via Kindles onscreen?

The Jane Austen Book Club will probably scare away most men, understandably, but hard-edged women who don’t like chick flicks or women’s fiction should also avoid. Anyone who loves films about books should give this one a chance- if there is an all books all the time television channel out there, please let me know so I can pester my cable company about it! Of course, anyone who loves a bit of sappy viewing and good old Jane herself will enjoy. The Jane Austen Book Club is not as heavy on the chick as a lot of recent romantic comedies, and it did keep my interest to the end. Nevertheless, I kept thinking of that famous quote by Mark Twain: Every time I read Pride and Prejudice, I want to dig up Jane Austen and beat her over the head with her own shinbone!

The Dark

The Dark Good, But Nothing New

By Kristin Battestella

In recent years, this new chick flick styled horror has sprung up. The Grudge, The Ring, Darkness, and The Dark. This 2005 British production adds a few new twists to the genre, but doesn’t take the next step in standing out amid such similar films.

After separating from her artist husband James (Sean Bean), Adelle (Maria Bello) travels to Wales with daughter Sarah (Sophie Stuckey) for a visit. Things have been tough between the ladies, but the Welsh countryside seems good for the reuniting family. The area is full of mysterious buildings, cult legends, and lovely beaches and cliffs. Unfortunately, Sarah vanishes on the beach. While James and local handyman Dafydd (Maurice Roeves) lead a massive search, Adelle discovers a strange girl named Ebril (Abigail Stone) now living in their home.

Okay, so the chick flick horror genre really began with Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween, but this recent trend of chick horror always has the same key pieces: An American woman in a foreign country with a child somehow involved in said horror. The Dark brings a nice twist with its Welsh mythology, but there isn’t much time invested in this notion. Two scenes of the staple ‘talking to the old person who was there’ and the standard ‘lost journal/internet/microfilm’ montage set the intrigue but doesn’t take what makes The Dark unique far enough.

Maria Bello (A History of Violence, ER) is finely cast as the not so perfect mother on a quest to find her missing daughter. She’s the right style; a bit edgy, off her rocker, yet hip, blonde rocker chick. Bello does fine, and it’s a strong role for what is odd to say an ‘older maternal’ part as compared to a teeny sexy chick part. The Dark, however, is not going to make Maria Bello a movie star anytime soon. Nothing ill against her, but everyone does the foreign low budget horror flick at some point. The Dark isn’t bad, just meh. Naomi Watts, Sarah Michelle Gellar, aren’t they all the same?

Likewise I am curious why Sean Bean (The Lord of the Rings) took two so similar parts within a year. Silent Hill and The Dark are very much the same vein, and Bean plays the searching, protective father in both. Odd that he has come down to independent horror features after such success with The Fellowship of the Ring. However, after seeing him in so many villainous roles, it is nice to see the softer side of Bean. (My husband kept suspecting he was someone involved in the evil!) Still, I can’t help but chuckle during his scenes with Sophie Stuckey and Abigail Stone. Do these little girls know who he is? Were they afraid of him? Don’t they say to never work with kids or dogs?

There is no question, however, about the lovely locations in The Dark. The stunningly beautiful yet violent and creepy cliffs and oceans onscreen add to the parental fear of the leads. My goodness how do British people really live so close to these cliffs without fearing their kids are going to plummet? This realistic filming adds to the creepiness of the abattoir. Based upon the novel Sheep by Simon Maginn, the animals are also a bit freaky; Herds of sheep surrounding folks, looking at people and baa-ing. The Dark shows promise with these foreign and weird touches, but it’s not enough.

I suppose the biggest question is this: Is The Dark scary? First viewing; maybe. Bean and Bello fans will tune in for sure, but those made to jump moments are now so commonplace that the spooks don’t work. Television Director John Fawcett’s (Xena, Queer as Folk, Taken) jagged abattoir flashbacks, cliff plummets, and otherworldly Annwn hell-like filming make great strides and look very cool, but don’t top what’s already been done onscreen.

Outside of a few f-bombs, I don’t see why The Dark is rated R. The child torture scenes are mild compared to other films, and the blood and gore isn’t heavy. Maybe European audiences prefer the parental struggles and life versus death debates, but us Americans want Blood! Gore! Sex! And we want it Now!

The Dark does nothing wrong, in fact its foreign and mature takes add to the film, not detract. The Dark is good. I’ve watched it several times, I’d watch it again, and I recommended The Dark to my horror loving husband. Too many similar films and not enough umph unfortunately give The Dark a feeling of déjà vu and familiarity instead of nail biting horror.

Although the dvd only offers one extra-an alternate ending that isn’t too shocking-if you’re looking for a bit of weird and creepy, The Dark is an affordable show without too much commitment.