An
Un-Scary 80s and 90s Horror Helping!
By
Kristin Battestella
Do
you want to see something really scary? These cult classics of decades yore
provide varying degrees of scares, spooky, sinister, and nostalgia better
served for drinking game delights and evenings when you take the ominous none
too seriously. Look out!
Amityville
2: The Possession – Very good
zooms, askew camera perspectives, and haunted house phantom forces highlight
this 1982 AIP sort of prequel starring Burt Young (Rocky), Rutanya Alda (Mommie
Dearest), and James Olson (Rachel,
Rachel). Though a touch toward campy
at times, the possession makeup and demonic bodily designs are seriously
creepy, and the somewhat stereotypical family dynamics and abuses are no less
disturbing and sinister as the household terrors increase. Unfortunately, the
latter half of the picture inexplicably dispenses all the fine atmospheric
build and turns into a wannabe Exorcist clone
with bureaucratic church officials, red tape corruption, and inexplicably poor policing.
What the heck happened? After such pleasingly juicy family fears, the finale
goes for all the nonsensical cheap thrills, and as a result, the Amityville franchise timeline is
completely miffed. This so-called prequel never reveals itself onscreen as such
– in fact, it looks decidedly dated eighties, further confusing the supposedly
real world happenings and horror movie liberties that already both make yet
ruin this film series. Is this installment an account of the DeFeo Family from
the Murder in Amityville book or not?
If you leave the history out of it and forget the legalese meets exorcism
ending, this is an excellent haunted house picture. For all its first half
good, it’s a pity someone behind the scenes dropped the ball on this one. I
don’t want to be so split on it, but this movie just unravels itself.
Kingdom
of Shadows – Of course, this
1998 70 minute documentary narrated by late great Oscar winner Rod Steiger (In the Heat of the Night) isn’t suppose
to be scary but informative, and with early silent evidence and obscure
footage, writer and director Bret Wood (Hell’s
Highway) details the foundations of horror onscreen. The black and white
visuals, cinematic screams, ominous scoring, and swift editing make for a fun
eerie feeling, but the tone here is a touch too esoteric or highbrow thanks to
a confusing, even ridiculously wordy approach. What’s trying to be said about
the sex, demonic depictions, sadomasochism, and torture of uncensored silent
film? Analysis on early religion and science as evil take up too much time, and
these heavy segments aren’t meant for younger viewers. Fortunately, there is
quality horror education in the F.W. Murnau talk and good versus horror clips
from “The Golem” and “Faust” along with famous topics like Jekyll and Hyde, Frankenstein,
and Lon Chaney’s monstrous roles. The audience here, however, has to be one
already familiar with movie history and horror film – the sole focus on silent
movie making macabre combined with the lofty voiceover, necessary subtitles, and
philosophical structure requires a finite niche indeed. Counterpoint interviews
and expert discussion would have broken up the academia, and a resolution
showing how these early beginnings translated into future horror cinema would
have set off the silent spooky. For fans of foreign horror and often unknown
early cinema, this is a nice treat – but it also makes a great atmospheric
party showing on mute!
Phantoms – Sisters Rose McGowan (Charmed) and Joanna Going (Inventing
the Abbotts) arrive in a sleepy Colorado town turned deadly and join Peter
O’Toole (Lawrence of Arabia), Ben
Affleck (Argo), and Liev Schreiber (Scream) against evil in this 1998 barely
R rated adaptation of Dean Kootz’s 1983 novel. We get right to the creepy ghost
town suspense with fine simmering discovery, eerie bodies, subtle gore, and no
technology or communications – it’s nice to see women thinking on their feet
amid the unknown, too. Old time ringing phones, jump buzzers, and more fun
sounds create shock moments and ironic use of Patsy Cline classics adds to the
discomforting uses of light, dark, mysterious messages, and severed hands. The brooding,
character piece direction and in camera action in the first half of the film is
quite effective compared to today’s herky jerky in your face every minute awe
and hype. Unfortunately, the ensemble atmosphere turns somewhat stupid once the
cowboy hat wearing, too young, laughable, and woefully miscast Affleck arrives.
Folks begin shooting at nothing and running off alone – I half expected Affleck
to break character and ogle over the delightfully Cushing-esque O’Toole. Is
this a small thriller or military action? We’ve seen other better small town
invasion SF/horror, and the middle section here unravels with anonymous deaths,
gruesome cool, and inexplicable monsters. We’re supposed to care when the
initial players disappear for entire segments only to return for a redundant science
versus religion, preposterous under siege battle of wits finale? So long as you
don’t take the faux Lovecraft feelings too seriously or think too much on the
smart but ridiculous techno babble, one can enjoy the early mystery and
ultimately outrageous finish here.
Screamtime
– There seems to be very little
information online about this 90 minute 1983 anthology, and its very dated
British on the streets low budget vibe will turn off some. The framing story is
also fairly dull with bad dialogue and wooden acting, but the obligatory boobs pop
out soon enough and that nostalgic charm can help heaps. It’s a top loading
VCR! Those huge glasses! Puppetry and
homely Robin Bailey (I Didn’t Know You
Cared) anchor Tale 1 “That’s the Way to Do It” along with his pressuring wife
Ann Lynn (The Vise). He clings to his
childlike profession and the pace is slow to build beyond the family strife,
but dizzyingly good killer perspectives, dark angles, and violent bludgeons
overcome some of the laughable elements. It’s a familiar concept; sure, however
several solid shock moments and the innate creepiness of Punch and Judy dolls
make up the difference. For the Second Story “Dream House,” expected but suspenseful
creaking sounds and household scares such as creepy kids, flickering lights, a conveniently
non-functioning flashlight, and ominous bloody bathwater make for interesting jumps
and twists. Is this ghosts, gaslighting, or hysteria? Though slightly dull to
start and similar copycats like Psychosis
are fairly recent, there’s a pleasingly effective downward spiral here. Next
“Do You Believe in Fairies?” presents seemingly classy old ladies Jean Anderson
(The Brothers) and Dora Bryan (Last of the Summer Wine) telling their
thieving handyman about evil fairies and murdered lovers. Although there’s more
of the same freaky dolls and gnomes, this is a quiet but crazy set piece with a
mystical wink and some scares. Everything here is a little too humorous and this
should be tighter in getting to the juicy of each tale – the woeful frame story
breaks up the demented atmosphere, too – but the now period designs and spooky
anticipation make for a relatively good time here. If only it were available on DVD!
The
Twilight Zone: The Movie – Narrator
and original Twilight Zone alum
Burgess Meredith leads this 1983 anthology starring Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters), Albert Brooks (Defending Your Life), John Larroquette (Night Court), and many more. From the traditional
opening titles to tapes stuck in the tape deck, old TV theme songs, and one
hulky boob tube, the nostalgia and sentimentality is here for older audiences
who appreciate the reflective charm. Though still relevant with nice wartime
designs, foreign language uses, and intensity to match its disturbing social
analysis, “Time Out” is a little too heavy handed compared to Rod Serling’s
original subtly. The bigotry from the
late Vic Morrow (Combat!) is
upsetting, yet we feel for him as he learns his much-warranted lesson in a most
unfriendly past. “Kick the Can” also makes statements on bitter ageism and a
second chance at youth but keeps its whimsy thanks to Scatman Crothers (The Shining). The twist is obvious in
this retelling and old folks playing can be silly, but that’s kind of the
point, too. Kathleen Quinan (Apollo 13),
Kevin McCarthy (Invasion of the Body
Snatchers), and Bill Mumy (Lost in
Space) lead “It’s a Good Life” and its bizarre family analysis endears with
its freaky funhouse style. Some of the effects become annoying and compromise
the would-be black comedy commentary, but there are precious few scares here. Fortunately,
with its fun thunder, lightning, music, excellent editing, airplane fears, and
apprehensive shocks, the highlight “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” remake starring a
perfectly panicky John Lithgow (3rd
Rock from the Sun) in the famed William Shatner role is still superbly
relatable. While there are no bridging stories pigeonholing the reworked plots
from longtime TZ writers Richard
Matheson and George Clayton Johnson and Melissa Mathison (E.T.) and Jerome Bixby (Star
Trek), the suspense and/or lighthearted attempt to capture the varied
spirit of the unforgettably superior series is woefully uneven. Though speculative
and thought provoking, the scary claims are definitely misleading, and the rug
is taken out from under any momentum because we know how these remakes end. Directors
John Landis (Animal House), Steven
Spielberg (hello), Joe Dante (The ‘Burbs), and George Miller (Babe) feel late on the scene. Thanks to
the tragic behind the scenes helicopter accident this try hard homage becomes an
unnecessary, shoddy, and latent blockbuster vanity project. Sure, it looks
great on blu-ray and can be enjoyed by those who’ve somehow never seen The Twilight Zone, but most of this is
too dated for young audiences and too tainted for older viewers to appreciate.
