Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed Guest Podcast!

 

My horror reputation knows no bounds as I was once again back on the Making Tarantino Podcast to discuss Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed and all things Hammer Frankenstein! 

New episode is out now! I was joined by @thereforereview and we had a great conversation about this and other Hammer Frankenstein movies. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. pic.twitter.com/aqYSCTcM6E

— Making Tarantino: The Podcast (@MakingTarantino) October 25, 2024

Thank you for listening! You can keep track of my audio/visual guest appearances with our Podcast and Video labels or hear us regularly on the Women InSession Podcast at InSessionFilm.com.

Read and Hear More:

House of Dark Shadows Guest Podcast

Our Top Ten Frankensteins

Draculas vs Frankensteins

Revisionist Almanac Let's Get Spooky Podcast Collab!

 

It was such a pleasure being asked by @AndrewCorns13 to take part in The Revisionist Almanac Podcast's Let's Get Spooky Project! My thoughts on my favorite horror films and a few more intriguing scary movie questions are included alongside several other podcasters. Listen now @RevAlmanac!

The 2024 Spooky Season Collaboration Project has arrived!

You’ll hear about some of our favorite horror movies, find out which horror sub genres we prefer, and much more.

Check out the episode which is available on all podcast streaming platforms. #Spooktober pic.twitter.com/I1qWq3LQOq

— The Revisionist's Almanac 🎥🎞️🍿 (@RevAlmanac) October 10, 2024

Also stay tuned for more 2025 spots at The Revisionist Almanac! You can keep track of my audio/visual guest appearances with our Podcast and Video labels and browse previous collabs:

Women InSession Podcast

Bedtime Stories Guest Podcast

House of Dark Shadows Guest Podcast

Christopher Lee Sci-Fi!

 

Christopher Lee Sci-Fi Special!

By Kristin Battestella

Who needs Count Dooku when you can revisit these preposterously retro Christopher Lee science fiction adventures?

Night of the Big Heat – Christopher Lee (Horror of Dracula) and Peter Cushing (Curse of Frankenstein) anchor director Terence Fisher's (Frankenstein Created Woman) 1967 sci-fi island heat wave based on the John Lymington novel. Big satellites, giant perimeter cameras, and spinning radar gizmos immediately give this a decade too late feeling, and initially it's tough to tell who is who among the British quaint. Snooping vagrants mysterious killed and bespectacled scientist Lee checking his big listening equipment are slow to start despite ominous swanky music and sweet roadsters. The cars are overheating amid radio weather reports of 90 F in winter and rising, oscillating fans, glistening foreheads, and ice melting at the local inn. Buzzing sounds and crackling noises over the phone acerbate wife versus bikini clad secretary hostility, ogling men, and past dalliances. Ties are off, ice is being dripped down the blouses, and people are leaning inside the refrigerator. It doesn't cool off after dark, and the crazed buzzing begats car accidents and explosions. Something is said to land on the hill as dark room developments and then new infrared photography gather proof for our novelist who doesn't believe in extraterrestrials. Do they warn the villagers or would that cause a panic? Beer bottles break in the heat while juicy kisses lead to who's getting caught, rowdy assaults, and more fiery ends. The big boob tube gets weird signals before blowing up, dogs are barking, and a delirious farmer's sheep are killed, yet it's tough to tell if the tension and now tame cigarette steamy are the main story or if the underlying sci-fi build is the priority here. The increasingly congested inn stifles with arguments about what to do – like who are you supposed to contact anyway if you suspect an alien invasion? More sweaty clothes and giant walkie talkies accent the look of fear and victims' screams as the screen goes white, and it's nice that we don't see the alien wither tos and why fors until attempts to contact the mainland fail. Unfortunately, flashlights and dynamite plans to divide and conquer get confusing before thunderstorms and an easy, contrived end that really had no where to go. The staged, mid century television design is fine, but the uneven hammy science and would be saucy do a disservice to the compelling ensemble. It might have been interesting had there been no explanation to the sci-fi or just a heat induced killing spree, for all the postulating that our satellites signals lured the extraterrestrials to come heat up the earth feel tone deaf today considering how we are making the planet hotter right now with our own stupidity no aliens needed. This is fun for the cast – if you can accept that this is neither groundbreaking or actually all that steamy.

End of the World – Pleas to use the telephone from Father Christopher Lee open this 1977 romp before sparks, broken windows, and explosions prevent the call. The Spanish Mission convent and organ music peppering the score contrast the then new Model 82 computers and dot matrix printouts as our Communications Professor traces ominous space signals. These beeping messages predict “Large Earth Disruption” as earthquakes, droughts, volcanoes, and noxious cloud reports are heard on the radio yet the Professor and his Mrs. fool around and go to a swanky banquet while the viewer wonders if any of the driving to and fro or walking through the NASA lab talking about lecture tours are important. Even wife Sue Lyon (Lolita) serves no purpose but to scream a few times. There are contamination suits and pulsing crystals, light up gizmos, lots of techobabble, and all of it could have been cut by time they get to the mission where the signals are emanating amid prayers, roses, and nuns in black gardening. Buzzing fences and flashing lights lead to secret bunker men catching our couple, but all the scientists know each other so it's all good! They trade some more sci-fi barbs before going back to the mission, and it might have been better had we not seen the church opening but only explored the convent with the professor and his beeping gizmos as Father Christopher jokes that the signals are just a nun's transistor radio. The entire premise could have been the Professor snooping around the convent for SF unknown as technology and religions clash, but you can't expect that much here. Grabby old lady nuns attack in the dark – whisking victims to their underground alien lair with advanced gadgets, colorful tubes, whirring machinery, and flashing controls. Repairs needed to achieve sub warp speed contrast Lee's white robes as he recites The Lord's Prayer. He hesitates on “give in to temptation” and “deliver us from evil” before escape attempts and fiery overkill amid interstellar travel hyperbole, cloning, time warps, and murder. The aliens are stuck on earth and desperate to get back to their own utopia but need the Professor to fix their gear, so he sneaks back to the lab for his snazzy crystal – wasting time going up and down ladders, running in the dark, and blowing up the place with his coworkers within. Oopsie! So much for being better than the killer aliens just trying to get home amirite? Once we get to the alien morality debates, the movie's over, and the whole story would have been better from the extraterrestrial perspective. Now that they can leave, the aliens intend to destroy earth for all the problems we will cause in the galaxy, which is pretty much spoiled by the title. At least the special effects while disaster befalls the planet and the nuns peace out through the portal are pretty bemusing. With four minutes of slow credits, this becomes eighty minutes of meandering that could have been an interesting warning as a half hour anthology episode. Instead, it's only enjoyable if you add some MST3K lampooning. To think, this came out the same year as Star Wars.

Fearful Examinations 😱

 

Fearful Examinations!

by Kristin Battestella

This trio of retro psychological frights need not rely on today's special effects whooshes and in your face designs thanks to focused fears and chilling performances.

Dark Places – Deathbed vows and asylum doctors begat a creepy inherited estate and injuries at the manor in this 1973 haunt. Boarded windows, antique clutter, shabby interiors, and cobwebs add to supposed ghosts, figures in the window, slamming doors, and creaking footsteps. The power of suggest is strong, for suitcases full of cash are allegedly hidden in this house with a murderous past, and doctor Christopher Lee (Horror of Dracula) doesn't want anyone else to beat him to the punch. His alluring sister Joan Collins (Dynasty) offers to be the housekeeper for new heir Robert Hardy (All Creatures Great and Small), too, despite crank calls, broken dolls, falling pictures, and village talk of the bodies never being found. The playroom is layered with thick dust and violent shambles, and the lights going off for total darkness onscreen is simple yet effective. Rather than attempting to pull the wool over the audience, our rivals admit upfront that they are using the disturbing history to scare our new tenant away from the lost loot. However even they get scared by the objects they aren't moving and the bumps in the night they didn't cause – making for a tense little housewarming party with brandy, cigarettes, and stiff upper lip deceptions. Edward shouts at the giggling children's echoes that this is his house now, but his motive is also not pure as he spends the spooky nights knocking on wall panels in search of the missing money. Violent drywall bashing leads to bats sweeping in from the chimney in a well-filmed frenzy while choice zooms accent brief what you thought you saw shocks. Rather than superfluous scares wasting half the movie, the small cast and several key rooms anchor the tension and claustrophobia. Flashbacks to the domineering deceased and his vows to punish his children for their twisted games provide questions on psychic sensitivity, mental instability, possession, or delusion. Pointing fingers distrust, contesting wills, and suggestive siblings collide with ghostly footprints, a supple governess, and a nonchalant pick ax. The visions and supernatural influences even continue outside the house with echoes and slow motion, and we only see the evil children's demented smiles in the finale as the delirium, arguments, anguish, and consequences escalate. Past and present dalliances collide with gunshots, screams, and strangulation. Although I wish there was more of meddling Doctor Lee claiming he is there to help the distressed and the mystery is fairly straightforward for well versed viewers, the deranged performances make for a taut edge. This doesn't go all out with the extremes like today, yet a little lust and plenty of greed go to the scary depths thanks to intimate violence, assorted weapons, and skeleton surprises.

Fright – Miniskirts, Winnebagos, eerie ballads, and a spooky walk through the woods lead perky babysitter Susan George (Straw Dogs) to her charge in this 1971 examination. Nervous new in town mother Honor Blackman (Goldfinger) bolts all the doors, and through the banister or crib rails camera angles and mirrored framing invoke the cluttered, claustrophobic, trapped feeling. The antique laden manor, stained glass, and winding staircase add period mood, and our family admits the home is creepy and musty, joking about the potential for ghosts and subtly setting the jumpy scene. Creaking doors, rattling plumbing, and parental asides wondering if our sitter suspects anything don't bother Amanda – she is learning child welfare psychology and isn't afraid to observe maladjusted case studies. Unfortunately for her, the dripping tap, unexplained noises, hanging laundry, and innocuous boredom escalate to power outages, footsteps, and faces at the window. Up close attention on her eyes and ears reflect her isolation as the baby is put to bed and her horny boyfriend comes calling. He thinks the manse could be the setting for a horror movie, but Amanda doesn't want him to scare her into his arms. Their flirtatious dialogue layers the mirror to nature parallels, for his scaring her is a result of his sexual frustration, which he says is her fault, but Amanda counters that such obsession is not love. The men further belittle the worried women – who are actually correct not irrational or panicking due to the murderous escapee knocking on the door. Screams and gore outside go unheard thanks to the scary movie on the television, and the black and white zombies contrast the colorful, swanky parents night out as the the killer is inadvertently let in and the phone lines are cut. The simmering peril is well paced with tense conversations, car accidents, and police wasting time while the terrorized babysitter is left to placate the psychotic. Ticking clocks, wanting to check in on the baby MacGuffins, and precious few locations within the house create suspense as intercut spins show the white lace, crying, innocent reality versus the dancing, willing woman delusion. Carnival style music mirrors his juvenile, lusty mental state before silence save for her hurried breathing and punctuating screams. Sirens, police standoffs, loudspeakers, and tear gas come too late while our culprit growls, descending into nonsensical shouts and crying like a child. Now the understandably hysterical women must take action against the violent insanity, and the uncomfortable to watch terror makes one wonder how they filmed such anguish. Although there have certainly been numerous babysitter in peril films since, this remains chilling thanks to the horror we don't see suggestions rather than today's everything at the screen, hollow superfluous.

Foreign Horror Bonus

Black Pit of Dr. M – Originally titled Misterios de Ultratumba, this 1959 black and white Mexican picture from director Fernando Mendez (El Vampiro) featuring Abel Salazar (The Witch's Mirror) has no English dub nor subtitles and my Spanish thinking cap is not what it used to be. The lookalike mad scientists, back from the dead doctors, afterlife secrets, seances, and zombies, however, probably don't make much sense even in the best linguistic circumstances! Fortunately, the cobwebs, abandoned gothic abodes, eerie period interiors, and atmospheric crescendos are everything I love about mid-century Mexican Horror Movies. Of course, I've no idea what the violent woman in the madhouse has to do with the doctor's demure daughter; but the coffins, torches, sinister mustaches, and disappearing men in capes match the primitive yet fittingly spooky smoke and mirrors special effects. Excellent gaslight, lanterns, and shadows provide cinematic depth as creepy scenes steeped in catolica mood and forbidden knowledge escalate to violent action, acid in the face, bandages, revolting reflections, gross disfigurements, and screams. Daylight moments at the churchyard remain draped in suspicion while inside out hacienda greenery and foggy courtyard designs capture the moonlit romance and urgente warning notes blown away in the spooky winds. Wispy visions of dancing ladies, white flowers, black veils, and the invisible hand pulling the patron saint from the ingenue's neck invoke effective light versus dark subversiveness. The doors between life and death should remain closed, but lighting over the gallows, hands reaching out from the grave, devilish violins, and turnabout knives let evil enter in with abductions and fiery fates. A three months later gap and short eighty minute runtime make one wonder if something isn't actually missing that would help this nonsensical story, and the lack of translation these days remains surprising. Nonetheless, the gothic tension, silver screen dimension, and midnight movie macabre deliciously prove that horror consequences are universal.

Middling 60s Capers

 

Middling 60s Capers

by Kristin Battestella

Despite name stars and decent production values, this trio of black and white mysteries from the sixties is surprisingly middle of the road. Rather than cinematic flair, each feels more like an overlong anthology entry. Ouch, but pity. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cash on Demand – Carols, snow, and holiday atmosphere at the bank two days before Christmas set the scene for this 1961 black and white Hammer heist. Bowler hat wearing banker Peter Cushing wants the office to be dignified not festive, and he won't donate to the Christmas party fund. He's not there to ingratiate himself with subordinates and demands efficiency – threatening to see his manager never works in the financial sector again over an innocuous $10 mistake. The employees object to his embezzlement suspicions, but unexpected insurance investigator Andre Morell (Watson to Cushing's Holmes in Hammer's The Hound of Baskervilles) knows all about the tension among the bank personnel. The con artist has done his homework on the holiday deposits, and frantic phone calls lead to kidnapping and blackmail schemes to open the vault. Our insurance impostor recounts the signals and briefcases for the exchange with such menace, but there's no need for brutality – heists can be smooth and sociable while he's sipping tea with his feet up on the desk. On the ball Cushing descends to weak and pleading, emasculated and disrespected in the tense one on ones. This is, however, a very slow, talkative piece with all outside action told rather than seen. The two room bank setting is fine taut, but the previous teleplay source is apparent, the camerawork too plain, and incidental bank minutiae clutters what should be clever theft ploys. Window washers and honking fire trucks passing better create a few startles as the staff nonchalantly lets this thief into the vault unaware. Money bags, spinning locks, and filling luggage with loot lead to flashing light bulb alerts, fiddling with the keys, and thirty second alarm resets. Follow ups with the insurance company and fifteen minute phone check ins are well done when the actual heist happens, and our smooth talker intends to walk right out with a cool $100K. Crisscrossed signals, panic, nervous police bluffs, handcuffs – it takes a crime for crusty Cushing to unravel and unite with his staff to best the ruse and realize people are more important than money. This eighty minute version seems long or unevenly paced with superfluous employees and wasted time on obvious yet muddled slip ups in the rushed resolution. Fortunately, the bank balance turnabouts make for an unusual holiday morality tale for fans of the cast.

Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace – A dead body washes up beneath London Bridge as Terence Fisher directs Christopher Lee (also both of the Hammer The Hound of Baskervilles) in this international 1962 production loosely based upon Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Valley of Fear. Already the set up is superfluous with pretentious kids, a meddling housekeeper, and a simple sounding board Watson who needs Holmes to spell out clues with shadow puppets. The story is repetitive and disjointed with no point of view – deliberately trying to be obtuse with a Sherlock in disguise yet expecting the audience to be Holmes well versed. If you don't know Moriarty is our nemesis, Holmes looks obsessed for accusing a respected academic of murder. He disappears without informing Watson, whose unnecessary comic relief makes one wonder which scenes are important if at all while ominous moments implicate Moriarty just because the plot says so. Egyptology thefts, country estates, affairs, shootings – most of the Doyle nuggets happen off screen while we watch anonymous scuffles at the pub. Coming or going over clues and phone calls again follow the plot rather than real deduction, and we're supposed to like Holmes mocking the incompetent Scotland Yard because the anachronistic swanky jazz more fitting for a fifties noir than the late Victorian setting tells us so. While this looks the cluttered 221B Baker Street part, the crimes feel more like three murder vignettes and the auctions, sewer stakeouts, and car heists are meandering and confusing. Holmes can break into Moriarty's lair and mess with the mummies just because he's Holmes. How does his mailing himself the necklace that he stole from Moriarty prove that Moriarty stole it in the first place? It's easy to zone out on the lookalike ensemble's exposition away from Holmes, for the one on one secrets, alibis, and villainous tête-à-têtes are more interesting once we get Holmes in his deerstalker and stylish plaid cape. Lee provides the commanding wit and haughty air. His clever mannerisms change with each obvious mustache or eye patch disguise. We'll see Lee as Holmes again, however the lack of his own booming voice thanks to unfortunate dubbing practices contributes to the overall meh here. This is not an introductory eighty odd minutes but more like the second in a series where the audience is supposed to know the literature already. Though annoying for Holmes completists, this is really only for the Doyle devoted and Lee connoisseurs.

Stop Me Before I Kill – Swanky cars and jazz on the radio leads to shattered windshields and a ruined wedding day in this 1960 black and white Hammer noir directed by Val Guest (The Quartermass Xperiment) from the novel The Full Treatment. Months after the accident, our former race car driver still suffers mentally – unable to get behind the wheel and panicking on the highway. Although their relationship is feisty and his wife is supportive, his mood swings begat controlling compulsions, bruises, and stranglings amid the kisses. Intriguing visuals, up close zooms, shadowed faces, and cigarette mannerisms accent some very compelling segments alongside lux locales and continental suave disrupted by the hectic headlights, wheel clutching, honking horns, and peeling tires. Our husband is suspicious of the double talking psychiatrist they meet on the Riviera; dinner parties invoke further anxiety and aggression while the Mrs. makes the pleasantries. Friends tell him this lack of confidence is all in his mind and he admits he's behaving like a child, for a real man would seek help before harming his wife. Not being able to hold her without wanting to strangle her, newlyweds sleeping separately, and solo skinny dipping provide a whiff of then-scandalous as the through the binoculars viewpoint and dominance from above camera angles add to the audience voyeurism. We wonder what will set him off next, and his reluctance with our cheeky psychiatrist leads to angry, outwitting psychoanalysis as doctor and patient each contemplate how she should be killed and the gruesome dismemberment to follow once the bloody deed is done. Unfortunately, suspenseful breakthroughs are drawn out to the point of deflation with little regression therapy progress – the speedometer, her crucifix, and who was to blame for the accident are straightforward rather than shocking. The bloody bathroom with the appearance of a crime is obviously a fix, yet he's suddenly ready to race the Grand Prix again? Wife Diane Cilento's (Tom Jones) absence in latter half of the film shows until Riviera lookalikes, vehicular twists, deceptions, guns, and garrotes escalate. This should be much more chilling than it is, but the audience always knows what's what and there's not enough charisma or intensity to overcome the overlong, divided focus between the domestic jeopardy and the ulterior psychiatry.

1940s Melodramas!

 

A Trio of 1940s Melodramas!

by Kristin Battestella

Be it well known stars or obscure gems, these black and white melodramas toe the scandals and suspense with mid century silver screen saucy, captivating performances, and attention to gothic detail.

Corridor of Mirrors – Melodramatic “strong serious music” captions and crescendos open this 1948 Terence Young (From Russia with Love) directorial debut with a blink and you miss him baby Christopher Lee (Horror of Dracula) amid the titular doors, picturesque frames, and gothic drama. Cackling nightmares, mysterious telegrams, and wax museum eerie disrupt the idyllic country manor; but veiled hats, stoles, and cigarette cases match the illicit London meetings, jazzy flashbacks, and hypnotic waltzes. Our cosmopolitan, unconventional lover Eric Portman (49th Parallel) wears a cape and top hat and rides in a carriage – whisking writer and star Edana Romney (East of Piccadilly) to his antique-laden “atmosphere of the past” lair. It's surprisingly mature, sophisticated, and even risque tit for tat dialogue for the time when he asks if she is inclined to continue the adventure at his marble mansion with the grand staircase, crystal chandeliers, and fun house rooms full of mirrors, mannequins, and historical costumes. Candles, old fashioned mannerisms, tiaras, billowing curtains, and flowing frocks further the period piece feeling as Mifanwy becomes drawn to the past, dressed up in glimmering gowns as he chooses and allowing herself to be his nothing to live for without you obsession. A supernatural whiff disguises the predatory gaslighting – our society girl is molded from father to lover to husband as dictated. Previous women made dowdy are tossed aside, pitiful and pathetic amid arguments of who is really his prisoner or came of her free will. Lookalike portraits of lost Venetian lovers, medieval ballads, and alluring costume balls sweep us up in the back and forth vanity, spoiled rich girl games, red flag complications, and reincarnation hyperbole. Though visually innocent with nary a kiss, fade ins and outs as drunken ladies are carried to the bedroom suggest what's happening behind the bed curtains. Strong lighting schemes, daylight streaks, nighttime mists, and black and white patterns accent early uses of double perspective, deep focus, reflective camera shots, and mirrors filming multiple actions in one frame. However, the opening framework and voiceovers instead of sounding boards are unnecessary. No introductions, nondescript husbands, and out of viewpoint asides with redundant secondary characters can be confusing. Jail cell confessions and murder trials are rushed in the final fifteen minutes with plot points excused away easily. Fortunately, the sophisticated stylings, complex story, and full of themselves lovers culminate in chilling disturbia and screaming toppers.

The Red House – The golly gee quaint, twee love triangles, and intrusive crescendos in this 1947 mystery interfere with the ominous woods and suspicious gossip about reclusive Edward G. Robinson (The Omega Man), his sister Judith Anderson (Rebecca), and their innocent teenage adoptee Allene Roberts (Knock on Any Door). Farm boy Lon McCallister (Stage Door Canteen) is warned not to take the shortcut through the woods thanks to howling winds, hooting owls, dark trees, perilous wooden bridges, and the said to be cursed eponymous haunt. Despite no trespassing signs and dead end trails, all seems safe in the daytime – but young Meg is forbidden from going into the woods and asking grown up questions her guardians don't want to answer. She feels drawn there as if she has been to the Red House before and its discovery is treated as enchanting despite dangerous terrain, broken limbs, and shooting at trespassers. Bad boy Rory Calhoun (How to Marry a Millionaire) wants a favor from bad girl Julie London (Emergency!), and the tawdry kisses by the lake detract from the lingering secrets and older regrets. Spinster Judith says it is no one's fault but their own that they gave up their lives to protect Meg – while she looks longingly out the window at her one time doctor beau. Though he blames the first boy to come along for his daughter slipping away, our father figure lingers at the bedroom door and watches her swimming. A mother leaves her grown son to marry her new man, too – but not before a suspiciously long goodbye kiss on the mouth with her boy. O _o The creepy innuendo increases with whispers of previous love triangles as men are driven crazy by making their women understand. Past guilt escalates to burning down the house attempts and fatal shootouts as Robinson carries the pain and violent events repeat. The overlong scenic montages and outsider tangents create unevenness and the ominous history is pretty easy for the audience to put together. However, the performances anchor the truth will out climatic sacrifices.

The Strange Woman – Hedy Lamarr (Samson and Delilah) scandalizes 1830s New England in this 1946 yarn opening with our young Jenny already pushing a little boy who can't swim and then pretending to rescue him before growing up and pinching her cheeks to snag the richest sailor on the dock. Men say she is too beautiful for her own good, and Jenny seems to enjoy when her creepy drunk dad whips her – because now she has an excuse to marry wealthy old Gene Lockhart (Joan of Arc). Other ministers or lawyers offer to take her in, but their daughters dislike her and their wives are unsympathetic. The sweeping over the top score, however, lays on the sympathy thick because Jenny's only options are to go from father to husband. She learns how to be a lady, volunteers at church, and helps the poor – gaining favor to use or betray people later. Of course, while playing nursemaid to her ill husband, she writes to her young stepson Louis Hayward (And Then There Were None) as “your loving mother” and ends up kisses him, kissing him good in scenes later recounting how she made him love her all night long. Jenny manipulates her stepson by playing mother and lover before pursuing miscast George Sanders (All About Eve) as the suavest ruffian lumberjack ever. She meddles in business and elevates him to supervisor while she laments how long her husband must live and come between her and the next man. Unfortunately, despite the scandalous encounters, suicides, and caught in a storm seductions, today's viewers will expect more. There's no real ominous feeling or danger as we wait for something more dramatic to happen. The narrative is overlong and uneven – wasting time on lesser plots before rushing the final fifteen minutes with barrenness revelations and preachers suddenly moving Jenny to confess. The need to redeem our vixen with an outside morality undercuts all her deceit yet foolishly in love men still defend her to the end. Then again, you can't really blame them. Lamarr captivates the screen in divine if anachronistic frocks, feigning charm and innocence or tasting her forbidden as each scheme needs. Even her voice is hypnotic, telling men what to say and do to get her way. Although this picture pretends at an epic era the likes of Gone with the Wind, it suffers from poor pacing, weak action filming, and low production values. Everything else away from Jenny's fatal allure is just plain silly, for the true worth here is gazing at Lamarr.

Classic Critiques at InSession Film!

 

It's time for another round up of our Classic Movie Reviews, Essentials Countdowns, and Op-Ed Analysis featured at InSession Film!

Op-Ed: The Elusive Non-Western John Wayne

Op-Ed: Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee Non-Horror Recommendations

Classic Film Review: The Little Foxes

Classic Film Review: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

Op-Ed: Revisiting Pierce Brosnan as James Bond

Op-Ed: Revisiting Sean Connery as James Bond

Top Ten Essentials: Sean Bean

Top Ten Essentials: Gerard Butler

The Three and Four Musketeers

The Three and Four Musketeers Double the Swashbuckling Charm

by Kristin Battestella

Producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind (Superman) and director Richard Lester (A Hard Day's Night) infamously doubled the adventure with 1973's The Three Musketeers and its 1974 sequel The Four Musketeers. Despite the behind the scenes two for the price of one controversy, both films remain charming with supersized Dumas spirit.

Young d'Artagnan (Michael York) is off to join the King's Musketeers. Unfortunately, he immediately finds himself dueling with not one but three musketeers – the brooding Athos (Oliver Reed), boisterous Porthos (Frank Finlay), and religious but romantic Aramis (Richard Chamberlain). d'Artagnan seizes the chance to assist the musketeers in fighting the villainous Rochefort (Christopher Lee), henchman to the ruthless Cardinal Richelieu (Charlton Heston), who also conspires against the King of France with Milady de Winter (Faye Dunaway) amid stolen diamonds, secret letters, kidnappings, and revenge.

 Opening crescendos, swords slices, and clanging metal set the tone for The Three Musketeers, which is also subtitled as The Queen's Diamonds. Our young hero isn't quite ready for this outfit with training tumbles, bungling in the mud, and swinging and missing his quarry amid rowdy musketeers, snotty enemies, and sassy attitudes. The Three Musketeers is truly cavalier with bawdy drinking, chuckling errors, and winking asides – swords are cut in half, library shelves domino over, scaffolding below makes a lover look more heroic when he jumps out the window, and courtiers try to organize the king's dogs into playing life size chess in the park. The well edited comedic timing isn't slapstick, leaving room for French quips and tag team dead pans. Against odds melees versus the Cardinal's Guards provide a variety of action gags and fighting tricks accented by up close winks, overhead shots, and wide angles. The intense pace is done in camera – The Three Musketeers doesn't have to cut corners with editing or special effects because everyone's kick ass shows. Granted, the musketeers aren't fully developed as characters beyond their lighthearted distinctions and some humorous padding is unnecessary. However, the ensemble is up to any task with the right delivery and period gravitas be it intrigue or wit, providing charming moments that keep this familiar tale fresh without obvious cues. Unlike contemporary romps, The Three Musketeers doesn't need to show excessive raunchy thanks to subtle romantic winks and rowdy laundry house brawls. The coordinated thieving, horseback races, hidden passages, and betrayals culminate at the grandiose ball before The Four Musketeers brings viewers right back where we left off with narrations and credits showing highlights from The Three Musketeers. Now that d'Artagnan is a musketeer, the swashbuckling rescues continue as our eponymous soldiers must thwart the subtitled Milady's Revenge before battlefield canons and firing squad target practice where no one can hit a thing. Although serious talk on coups and religious strife becomes somewhat lost thanks to kidnappings, intercepted messages, primitive submarine inventions, and daring escapes; tender flashbacks deepen character histories. Swords, poisons, and feathers fly as hiding in the water trough ruses and stilts versus attack dogs don't work. In The Four Musketeers, the famous trio has more to do, yet their convenient rescues feel deus ex machina easy amid the disjointed plots – dilemmas are quickly resolved without the wither tos and why fors because the focus here is enjoying the good guys versus the bad guys and their daring fights upon frosty bridges and frozen lakes. The terribly risky but unique action looks like a lot of fun, keeping the swash in swashbuckler alongside deceptions, confrontations, and darker aspects of the novel that many adaptations gloss over in favor of Hollywood trite. A lot's happening with protestant versus catholic, England versus France, Buckingham plots, and front line encampments – the sieges, assassinations, and strangulations at times conflict with the humorous nunnery disasters. Villains montage over Tower of London captures and La Rochelle victories as carriage chases and superb one on one sword fights keep the kicking butt pace before a fiery finale with killers in disguise, executions, revenge, and consequences.

What's not to love about Michael York's (Romeo and Juliet) young, handsome, and sweaty d'Artagnan? The foolish farm boy cum wannabe musketeer is bonked on the head when picking his first fight but has all the roguish charm required – tipping his hat to a lady before promising to kill her other male friend and scaling the vines to her balcony even if he doesn't exactly make it to the window. d'Artagnan is earnest in love and war but is only granted a musketeer consideration because of his renowned father while he proves his worth. He's spirited but has a lot to learn as one woman after another tries to get into bed with him or use him for her own motives. d'Artagnan can't outwit the Cardinal but knows not to accept his duplicitous offer even as he blindly and blissfully does what the Queen tells him to do. The Three Musketeers is largely about him doing most of the bumbling or heroics himself with only peripheral musketeer assistance. By The Four Musketeers, however, d'Artagnan understands where Athos is coming from as the men bond in the tavern over the women they are supposed to love. Oliver Reed's (Paranoiac) Athos is an angry, ornery, sarcastic, and serious but drunken leader reluctant to join d'Artagnan's follies – the dark horse rarely seen in his musketeer frock. There has perhaps never been a more perfect casting, as Reed is definitely believable as a chip on his shoulder drunk wild man with a sword. The Four Musketeers recalls his ruined romance with Milady, and her murderous deception haunting Athos gives Reed some scene chewing when this not one but two movies ploy ironically doesn't provide much meaty drama for the ensemble. Fortunately, Athos becomes like an elder brother to d'Artagnan, threatening to kill anyone who touches a hair on his head – all for one and one for all and all that.

Richard Chamberlain's (The Thorn Birds) Aramis prays during a duel, but it is just another crafty musketeer ruse. In fact, Aramis barely talks in both films, merely standing around a lot and looking pretty when not in the steam bath. He does suggest one plan of action, but of course it goes completely awry with a kick in his groin to boot. Frank Finlay's (Othello) larger than life Porthos also knocks folks on the head with whatever is handy and picks the pocket of a man who's down for the count. Porthos is a gambler making bets on silly games when not eating and drinking in battle. He's sure to make a fighting spectacle in the marketplace so they can steal more wine, and his silly way of fighting – like dropping pots on the bad guys – always helps at the perfect moment. Both Aramis and Porthos are portrayed as a more circus styled duo where one can't seem to do anything without the other. Neither is fully developed and both seem to be there just because they have to be, bemusing as their moments are. Likewise, Raquel Welch (Fantastic Voyage) as dressmaker Constance Bonacieux has being a klutz as her main character development. She's perky, bouncy, and uses a delicate nightie to her advantage when not catching d'Artagnan's eye. Her husband's weakness and the Queen's confidence in her are merely plot devices before she herself is used in a kidnapping scheme in The Four Musketeers that plays for both rousing humor and shocking, well, shocks. 

It's immediately clear to start The Three Musketeers that Charlton Heston's (The Omega Man) Cardinal Richelieu is that selfish kind of Man of God. He has parades to himself and pays the bystanders to be there, stands out in his purple regalia at court, and talks out both sides of his mouth to the King. Richelieu uses the Queen's affairs with Buckingham to pressure the King, gaining information from the top as well as his tormented underlings. He captures people and tortures them only to release them with money so they will become his friend – effortlessly creating a network of spies and manipulation while he remains Teflon and Rochefort does his really dirty work. Richelieu has the most dialogue thanks to his numerous plots yet insists he has no personal enemies – only the enemies of France. Christopher Lee also looks even more nefarious with his eye patch and attitude as Rochefort. He's suave in contesting the Cardinal's plans even if he fears and hates him, and I would have loved to see these two together in more than some blink and you miss it moments in Julius Caesar. Lee has a rough, physical role and must match wits with each musketeer – even if he's always foiled. Likewise charming and deceiving in white or pristine in pearls, Faye Dunaway's (Don Juan DeMarco) Milady de Winter is undressed so all her clandestine weapons can be pulled from inside her frock. The ladies also have some dust ups before the boys come diving in through the window, and Milady has more to do in The Four Musketeers – such as luring d'Artagnan to her chamber for some poisonous daggers about the bed. Down shots over her bosom or close ups upon her lips reflect her temptation, and Milady knows how to use her femininity to serve her fatal nature or make her jailer fall in love with her and kill on command. Again, I'd loved to have seen more of her in league with Rochefort, but Milady remains ruthless right to the end.

Of course, when you end up shooting two movies for the price of one, the colorful production values between those pictures remain seamless with rousing scores invoking the medieval fun amid extensive duels, zany acrobatics, awning leaps, and clothesline spins. Such stunts happen fast and in camera, natural action rather than a superficial, slow motion effect. Horses, country roads, cobblestone squares, and authentic buildings accent the Spanish filming locations as bleak dungeons, barren quarters, and stained green patinas of the poor contrast the marble palaces, grand staircases, and massive chandeliers. Capes and big hats with even bigger plumes set off the regal carriages, red interiors, luxurious bedrooms, and vintage weaponry – daggers nestle inside the corsets even as the cinched bosoms nearly burst from the colorful frocks, fabrics, and sparkling parures. The costumes reflect one's station as the crowded, dirty, plain marketplace bustles against the pompous regalia and music likewise reflects the whimsical of the musketeers or leisurely at court. While some may find the complex fight choreography stagnate thanks to today's flash and dazzle whirlwinds; it's pleasing to completely see the difficult riverside sword action, frigate raids, and night time duels by lantern light. The actors earned their cuts and bruises in these melees with no CGI assistance in the realistic, well filmed battle scenes. Strangely, the DVDs offer options for widescreen or full-frame viewing, and the lack of subtitles can make audiences miss some of the sarcastic asides and quick quips. Thankfully, both videos offer half hour behind the scenes features with some of the late cast recalling the twofer controversies, elaborate fights, and incomparable Oliver Reed.

Despite some ups and downs in adapting the written humor and peril, The Three Musketeers is a straightforward story in full spirit of the novel. The superficial characterizations could have been deeper, but they don't have to be thanks to the roguish charm, courtly adventure, and witty personality continued in The Four Musketeers. Kids can laugh at the swashbuckler visuals while adults can chuckle at the cavalier innuendo. Though intended as one epic film split in two after the fact, The Three Musketeers and The Four Musketeers can be viewed together or separately for a timeless escapade.

Top Ten: Christopher Lee & Peter Cushing!

Welcome to our new Top Tens series in celebration of I Think, Therefore I Review's Tenth Anniversary! These monthly lists will highlight special themes and topics from our extensive archive of reviews. 

 

This time I Think, Therefore I Review presents in chronological order...

 

Our Top Ten Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee Movies!

Hound of Baskervilles

The Mummy

The Gorgon

Dr. Terror's House of Horrors

Scream and Scream Again

The House That Dripped Blood

Horror Express

Nothing but the Night

The Creeping Flesh

House of the Long Shadows

Feel free to visit our Hammer Horror checklist and browse both our Christopher Lee rundown and our Peter Cushing list for much, much more!

I Think, Therefore I Review began as the blog home for previously published reviews and reprinted critiques by horror author Kristin Battestella. Naturally older articles linked here may be out of date and codes or formatting may be broken. Please excuse any errors and remember our Top Tens will generally only include films, shows, books, or music previously reviewed at I Think, Therefore I Review.

Top Ten: Dracula!

 

Welcome to our new Top Tens series in celebration of I Think, Therefore I Review's Tenth Anniversary! These monthly lists will highlight special themes and topics from our extensive archive of reviews.

This time I Think, Therefore I Review presents in chronological order...

Our Top Ten Dracula Appearances!

Nosferatu

Dracula (1931)

Dracula (1931 Spanish Version)

Horror of Dracula

Dan Curtis' Dracula

Count Dracula (1977)

Dracula (1979)

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Dracula 2000

Dracula (2013 series)

 

Enjoy our vampire label or Horror page for even more!

 

I Think, Therefore I Review began as the blog home for previously published reviews and reprinted critiques by horror author Kristin Battestella. Naturally older articles linked here may be out of date and codes or formatting may be broken. Please excuse any errors and remember our Top Tens will generally only include films, shows, books, or music previously reviewed at I Think, Therefore I Review. 

 

Recent Horror Documentaries

Recent Horror Documentaries

by Kristin Battestella

Gather round any time of year for these informative documentary scares, monsters of the silver screen, ye olde witches, and retro ghosts. Boo!

Monster Madness: The Golden Age of The Horror Film – Moody scoring, photo stills, archive footage, and black and white clips accent this eighty minute retrospective chronicling the silent horror classics and Universal Horror glory from the famed Stage 28, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and The Phantom of the Opera to Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Mummy. Guest speakers include Carla Laemmle, Bela Lugosi Jr, and Sara Karloff alongside newsreels celebrating The Bride of Frankenstein despite Depression era censorship. The narration moves fast, however – packing in a one and a half speed sentence before the highlights chronologically discuss Lon Chaney, Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, James Whale, and the continued provocative power, nightmare inducing effectiveness, and good versus evil morality plays of these really nice guys creating monster men. Further success in The Old Dark House and The Black Cat would typecast these favorites amid 1939 Hollywood heights and wartime escapism scares, and MGM competition from Fu Man Chu and Mark of the Vampire, Paramount's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and Peter Lorre in Mad Love add more than just Universal to the conversation. Brief side chats also mention the growth of horror makeups and effects, SF horrors, Island of Lost Souls, and RKO's King Kong before The Mummy's Hand and The Wolf Man degrade into the more juvenile fluff mash ups such House of Frankenstein and Abott and Costello meet Frankenstein. At times, this seems somewhat unofficial, with Monster Rally panel interviews, repeated trailers, and an uneven focus – some topics are fleeting, others ramble and stray from the comment at hand. Lesser sequels are skipped entirely, and this leg ends on an abrupt down note, unable to stand on its own and forcing viewers to continue with Monster Madness: Mutants, Space Invaders, and Drive Ins. While mostly superficial with nothing new for longtime horror fans, fun anecdotes keep this informative and atmospheric for newer genre audiences. 

 

Monster Madness: The Gothic Revival of Horror – This eighty-two minutes continues recounting the horror history with Hammer Films' early struggles and suspense pictures before edgy SF fare like The Quatermass Experiment and the Technicolor Hammer Horror renaissance with Horror of Dracula and The Curse of Frankenstein. Tossing in Elvis, however, alongside the state of fifties cinema and hammy television horrors meanders, delaying more interesting talk on Christopher Lee's larger than life monster stature and the beloved Peter Cushing as the villainous Dr. Frankenstein. Rambling archive footage with Lee, Jimmy Sangster, Freddie Francis, Ingrid Pitt, and Oliver Reed is also difficult to discern at times while the chronology sputters over The Hound of Baskervilles, The Mummy, and Hammer's increasingly ambitious set design, colorful gore, and saucy skin. Standalone thrillers including Paranoiac, Scream of Fear, and Curse of the Werewolf are discussed alongside the varying success of sequels such as The Revenge of Frankenstein, the polarizing Evil of Frankenstein, Dracula: Prince of Darkness, and Dracula Has Risen from the Grave. Other hits like Psycho, Amicus productions such as The Skull and The Creeping Flesh, and anthologies including Dr. Terror's House of Horrors are name dropped, but this session unfortunately wastes more time missing famous horror classics such as The Innocents and The Haunting – and Vincent Price is never even mentioned! Censorship battles and raunchy from The Vampire Lovers or Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde don't hide the lagging mood, and this ostensible presentation ends on The Satanic Rites of Dracula without discussing further Amicus and AIP productions or even more Hammer gems such as Frankenstein Created Woman and Countess Dracula. These Monster Madness documentaries need to go together, yet the series should have been either exhaustive two hour slots or a half hour series with tighter focus per topic. Despite a sentimental and flawed presentation, this video has enough serviceable nostalgia for Hammer lovers and tip of the iceberg information for budding horror fans.

Witches: A Century of Murder – Historian Suzannah Lipscomb hosts this two-part 2015 special chronicling the seventeenth century persecutions and torture run rampant as witchcraft hysteria spread from James I in the late fifteen hundreds through Charles I and the English Civil War. 1589 Europe has burn at the stake fever thanks to the Malleus Maleficarum belief that witches were in league with the devil, and contemporaneous sources, books, and confessions help recount violent techniques and sexual aspects that may not be classroom friendly. Innocent birthmarks or moles on maids and midwives were used and misconstrued until naming names and pointing fingers snowballed into deplorable jail conditions, hangings, and conspiracy. Postulating on why the innocent would confess is addressed alongside the details from the North Berwick Witch Trials – including garroting and even the smell of burning human fat. James I's own Daemonologie becomes a license to hunt witches as the 1645 then-normal rationale that witches have sex with the devil escalates to extreme Puritan paranoia. Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins takes the law into his own hands via body searches, sleep deprivation, and agonizing deaths while unknown medicinal ills or causes were conveniently mistaken as evidence for witchcraft accusations. Names and faces are put to the exorbitant number of accused while on location scenery from Scotland to Oxford, Essex, and Denmark add to the prison tours and suspenseful trial re-enactments. Here specific facts and detailed information happen early and often rather than any hollow paranormal herky jerky in your face design. Community fears, social cleansing frenzy, and things done in the name of good and God against evil and the Devil at work accent the timeline of how and why this prosecution became persecution run amok. Instead of broad, repetitive sensationalism or the same old Salem talk, this is a mature and well presented narrative on the erroneous impetus of the witchcraft hysteria.

Skip It!

The Haunting of Fox Hollow Farm – This sixty-four minute documentary from 2011 opens with a disclaimer on the interviewee testimonies before more inserts explaining the history of the titular Indiana farm and the subsequent paranormal investigation. Archive footage and news reports add drownings and skeletal evidence to the murderous past, lending a bit of authenticity to this obviously low budget and on the fly production pretending to be a paranormal reality show with green night filming and shadowed talking heads. Jerky skeptical men dismiss the fanatical women and numerous psychics, mediums, demonologists, and shamans while rambling, repetitive visuals, graphics, camera pans, and editing cuts make audiences wonder what the heck is happening here. I feel like this never expressly states that it is about heinous serial killer crimes and their subsequent hauntings thanks to double talk on both, and it takes over fifteen meandering minutes before getting into the case details. Instead of actually seeing the investigative action, narrated montages and music video slide shows feign something fantastic but really just waste time on the same minutiae, treading tires in an incoherent attempt to play at Unsolved Mysteries or imitate today's ad nauseam paranormal reality shows. I couldn't take this whole thing, the case has been covered elsewhere, and reading the Wikipedia page was better.