Contemporary Chillers versus Cold Ducks

Two Contemporary Chillers versus Two Cold Ducks

by Kristin Battestella

While some of these recent releases can leave audiences cold, other contemporary pieces provide just the right amount of seafaring suspense and psychological chills.

The Reef – Sunrises and sunsets, stunning blue water panoramas, and lovely reef life create coastal bliss for this 2010 Australian fright loosely based on a true story. Shark teeth foreshadowing, statistics about the likelihood of shark attacks, and an inexperienced crewman aboard invoke the ominous to come alongside natural water fears, racing to beat the tide, trouble raising the anchor, and leaky rafts. Capsizing thuds, flooding, and underwater hectic don't need any herky jerky action cam as the innate water movement makes the audience feel like we are there amid the missing keel, sinking hull, no supplies, and outdated distress beacon. It's frightening when viewers can just make out the shark silhouette beneath the surface for themselves, but headless turtle shocks and false suspense moments go for cheap thrills. Instead of keeping us on edge with every chop in the water, over the top music tells the audience when something bad is happening. Unlikable characters inspire little conflict amid a lot of childhood friends and lookalike blonde cliches – they are completely unprepared for any aquatic disaster and there's no sense of ocean vast, the slow passage of time on the water, sunstroke, or thirst. These helpless followers holidaying on this deliver the yacht job are also over reliant on their macho, supposedly world water traveling leader who messes up tide times, can't find north, and thinks they can maybe swim to an island perhaps twelve miles away. Wishy washy, don't know they are in a horror movie stupidity compounds the uneven pacing as the strong girl suddenly in tears stays behind while others risk this uncertain swim before she changes her mind thirty seconds later so they wait in the possibly shark infested seas. The women rightfully call out the guy who orchestrated the trip under false pretenses before apologizing that its not his fault but yes it is. Weak men say they are tired and laugh over sex stories, breaking the swimming scenes to stop and stand on reef rocks rather than shape any kind of epic endurance risk. Fortunately, seeing the nonchalant great white cruising past the hysterical people as they flounder and panic both justifies the yell at the television aspects and makes the viewer recoil. Mirage visions of land and thought they saw something paranoia frays the group as one by one they must leave the dead behind in the ocean. The fatal attacks are well done, and eventually – disturbingly – those remaining can see land but can't get to it. Despite loose characterizations and an uneven narrative in need of taut focus – again all the negatives in low budget horror appear due to one writer/director wearing too many hats – overall this is well filmed with several quality sequences featuring fine scenery and practical shark work perfect for a late night scarefest.

Split – Suspicious rear view mirrors and distorted camera angles turn pity party invites into parking lot abductions for this 2016 multi personality thriller from director M. Night Shyamalan starring James McAvoy (X-Men: First Class) and Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch). Subtle dolly zooms and sideways panning emphasize the bolted doors, dark basement, and huddled girls amid their captor's sinister calculations and ominous childhood flashbacks. Can three girls defend themselves against one violent man? Two gang up on the third, pressuring her to take action as scary switches from one personality to the next are subtle and well done amid local CBS Philly news reports, King of Prussia Mall insults, and distinct city skylines. However it's a mistake to cut away from the dungeon suspense so soon – especially for a foolish psychologist falling for the abductor personality's pretending to be his calm fashion designer persona. Product placement Skype conferences debate multiple personality disorders as a trauma in need versus a new brain chemistry gift, interfering with the tense internal layers we're already seeing. Rather than the Hooters eating Security Guard M. Night's exposition, the reveal should be with the audience as the girls peer through the keyhole and hear both male and female voices. Styling, accent changes, and stuttering show the killer versus child personalities, and the captives speculate on what is crazy or ruse though details from each persona. Location hints, hidden ducts, and underground tunnels lead to possible escapes as the victims are separated thanks to foolhardy attacks and mean girls still being selfish – expanding the cat and mouse between the abductees and a captor who is a prisoner himself. Once the warped situation is established, then the audience can appreciate when he departs for a psychologist session stroking the current dominant, gloating personality's vanity. He deflects on the history of abuse and the cause for this latest psychotic break, resenting his weak host as the kinder personalities blur our sympathies. The female personality of our male abductor, disturbingly enough, may be the most unstable, yet these rogue personas insist another “Beast” alter is coming. One persona needs glasses, another is diabetic – can multiple personalities create mind over matter physiological traits? Videos of all the personalities become an inner monologue paralleling the eerie train station wait for this new evil to manifest its super human abilities and sub human behaviors. Past and present revelations double the uncomfortably frightening suggestion that purity breaking pain awakens the strength and instinct needed to achieve greatness, and certain disturbing subject matter will be tough for some audiences. Though mostly realistic horror and psychological drama, there's a reason things progress into the fantastic with an overlong, somewhat flat ending. Such surprise Shyamalan connections both need viewers to go in cold and appreciate the payoff being held back for sequel winks, perhaps leaving this with reduced repeat value unless you marathon it with Unbreakable. Fortunately, the nuanced performances and no twist just twisted horror meets fantastic does make for some entertaining psychoanalysis.

Two to Skip

A Cure for Wellness – A corner office climber must retrieve his unstable boss from a spa in Switzerland so the company crimes can be pinned on him in this overlong two and a half hour 2017 twister starring Jason Isaacs (Awake) and Harry Groener (Buffy). The bitter work obsessed opening, haunting skyscrapers, and ominous hand written letter describing the darkness of superiority and sickness of men with wealthy people and their wealthy problems are ruined early by tiring product placement and laughable horror clichés. Our unlikable lead is also a wannabe edgy, Shutter Island DiCaprio interfering with the on location castles, mountain vistas, and ruthless baron history complete with blasphemy, incest, and townsfolk with torches. Distorted angles, askew pans, assorted reflections, and upside down inside out views add to the unnatural greenery of this apparent oasis in the middle of a dark cloud. White robes, bright rooms, aqua aerobics, and happy rich people throwing their money at the latest health fad contrast the dark tunnels, taxidermy, and well filmed car accidents despite momentarily confusing flashes amid the forward moving violence. Incidental old folks nudity at the spa increases the discomfort of the eerie steam, maze like hallways, and hazy series of doors, creating ambiguous atmosphere that may be surreal mind, warped structure, or Hotel California influence. Creepy girls by the fountain, bathhouse altars, and whispers of special case patients build to specimens in jars, skin graphs, and creepy urine samples. Body shocks, elevators, dehydrated corpses, and hydraulic assembly lines stir viewer suspense while shadows of what else may be in the tank loom and the smiling staff enjoy a little suspect saucy. Exam chairs, buzzing dental drills, vintage file folders, period lockets, relics of the baron's obsession to cure his sickly family – there are a lot of cool spooky things happening here. Unfortunately, unnecessary flashbacks, Robocop dolls, ridiculous animal gore, and the repeated insistence that something's in the water like it's all just a bad joke take the audience out of the dark atmosphere. Giant eels in the toilet frights are lost in scenes that serve no purpose, and the so-called mystery being given away all along contributes to the increasingly downhill lag. German speakers having cryptic conversations – in English for the underestimated, uninvested viewer's benefit – break the protagonist's point of view as more tunnels, hidden chambers, and early medical equipment expedite the watching fatigue well before the two hour mark or the coincidental timing in the final act. Public declarations, shoving the breakables off the desk, research montage reveals, menstruation and red lipstick a la Little Red Riding Hood, shovels to the face, fiery knockouts, nonsensical villain tell alls, and a Phantom of the Opera-esque lair borrow much too much before yet more tacked on candle light cults and child bride nasty. I hung on for this? o_O

Red Lights – This 2012 tale stars Cillian Murphy (Peaky Blinders), Sigourney Weaver (Aliens), Robert De Niro (Goodfellas), Toby Jones (Berberian Sound Studio), Joely Richardson (Lady Chatterley), and Elizabeth Olsen (I Saw the Light). However, the drive to the horrors, rattling séance, family in fear screams, and early jump shocks are just a lengthy opening before longer credits, jet setting introductions, and debunking seminar restarts. These physicists don't think all paranormal cases are frauds, but they haven't witnessed any miraculous proof against logical controls. Cute coeds, slight of hand platitudes, Occam's Razor – each scene repeats who they are and what they do without saying what university they represent or why authorities call them to expose these supernatural frauds. Editing creates suspense rather than letting the viewer catch the hidden earpiece or audience plant as news reports recount the fire and brimstone psychic selling comeback tour tickets and newspaper clippings on the laptop become the research montage. Weaver's doctor is brash, admonishing a telepathy card test due to the reflections in a doctor's glasses, but we never see her confront a real psychic challenge. The talk show debate better explains the parapsychology fails, seminar versus performance, and religion versus science while the behind the scenes meta television filming makes nicer statements than the shaky cams or booming music. Weaver and De Niro's rivals have personal history – he used the limbo of her vegetative son, adding doubt and emotional pain to her debunking crusade against his dramatic on stage healings. Unfortunately, this intriguing one on one of facts against faith and catching those who think they can get away with it is not the point of this picture, and the focus veers to Murphy's amateur exposé attempts and angry manpain complete with bizarre visions, unexplained electrical explosions, and characters who even say conversations with him are a waste of time. Although academic trials trying to set controls while testing paranormal phenomena, university video reels showing the experiments, and no scientific explanation for the bending spoons provide study for the viewer, there's no chill up the spine scary or awe inspiring wonder at the unexplained because the story completely changes what it started out as. Obnoxious final speeches waxing on man versus monsters, lines of salt, magnetism, and levitation are all over the place. Any commentary on the media, spectator sales, and money made off people who want to believe is lost thanks to the in the in your face protagonist, uneven plot focus, and the movie's failure to heed its own advice with falling flat deflections. If the simplest answer is the correct one, then why does it take an hour and a half to ask why the blind guy wears a watch?

Short SFF to See or Skip

Short SFF to See or Skip

by Kristin Battestella

Some recent but short lived science fiction and fantasy series are a pleasing quick binge – while others are disappointing hard passes, to say the least. 

 

Worth A Look

Awake – After a car accident, Detective Jason Isaacs (Harry Potter) begins living dual realities in these thirteen episodes from 2012– one where his wife survives and the other with his living son. The graphic opening gets right to the two fold funeral and therapist per reality with B.D. Wong (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) and Cherry Jones (I Saw the Light) differentiating each environment alongside varying hues – warm reds with his wife and blues or greens for his son. Are these double dreams merely a coping mechanism to relieve his mind from facing death? Names, numbers, and clues crossover between each reality and help our detective solve cases despite both doctors thinking this dual life is unhealthy rather than positive and ultimately unsustainable. Intercut conversations with the therapists point/counterpoint almost like a three-way debate on selective hearing and conditioning the mind to bend facts to our opinion. A hospital hostage situation adds schizophrenic routines, insomnia, unstable harm, and more convincing oneself to hide the problem. Our cop relates to a delusion mental patient with similar distorted realities amid explosives, hallucinations, and meta fantasies further blurring what's real. Is there really a distinction between fantasy and reality and do you insist upon the one piece of information that will shatter the illusion? Is it better to lie or let the fantasy resolve itself? Drive thru clowns provide clues to cold cases, missing files, and bodies in the basement cement. Informants, stakeouts, and unmarked vans return to the original schism as Detective Malfoy passes out, spiraling over changes in his reality patterns and talking to himself in public. Foot chases, vehicle crashes, and on the street hysteria lead to sketch artists and police connections as denial, grief, and blame come to forefront with consequences and suspensions. Is he paranoid or protecting his dual fantasy? Evidence needs to prove his unreliable memory, and the desperate husband/father goes after someone guilty in his red reality – but that doesn't mean his quarry did wrong in the green reality, does it? Switching realities at just the wrong time reveals “they know that we know that they know that we know” secret meetings, hackers, and manhunts. Suspicious storage lockers, corruption, and shocking executions provide cliffhangers in the later episodes alongside gunshot wounds, holding cells, and surreal visions that perhaps solve the source behind his accident and answer which reality is real – maybe. What hurts is when this series falls prey to the superficial case of the week filler with cliché cinematic timing and on the nose action, shaky cams, or fast zooms crowding unnecessary bookies, arson, and teen pregnancy scares. The cerebral aspects are more interesting, and this show needs to hold firm on its format rather than deviating from his unique points of view or carrying unnecessary regulars when longer serving guest Laura Innes (ER) provides the more critical performance. Although each entry is decent entertainment, the forty odd minutes aren't enough time. Episodes Three, Four, and Five are wasted on saccharin dialogue and sentimental resolutions, and broadcast versus production order dumbs down the complexity by giving away conspiracy details too soon. Episode Six “That's Not My Penguin” should have happened immediately, and airing Episode Eleven “Say Hello to My Little Friend” four slots earlier would have saved the show. NBC's mishandling here reminds me of the similarly short-lived Journeyman, and American networks must adapt to having shorter themed Sunday SF specials rotating in themed blocks rather than shortsightedly canceling genre properties. This series should have been a ten episode event, and it deserved to see another Inception-esque season.

Didn't Finish 'em!

Helix – Ronald D. Moore (Deep Space Nine) produced two seasons totaling twenty-six episodes of this 2014-15 SyFy original starring CDC doctor Billy Campbell (Lizzie Borden Took an Ax) in the Arctic amid contamination suits, retrovirus outbreaks, and private biotech companies operating in international territory with no official jurisdiction and the nearest help 200 miles away. Patient attacks lead to body bags, throwing up in one's helmet, mutations, veiny infections, and black blood yet everyone's hush hush about what's being researched. Vials, gloves, assorted masks, and microscopes reveal freaky frozen evidence while escaped infected multiply, people panic, satellites are sabotaged, and oxygen systems are compromised. Arguments over who is in charge interfere with antidotes, gruesome incubators, and researching the RNA sequences. Encoded messages, toxicity risks, stealth syringe assaults, and burning evidence lead to bleak vegetative states, morphine, silent scenes behind sealed glass, detailed procedures, red lighting, and danger signs. Quarantined doctors are unprepared to face these monsters– er infected patients, so good thing the base is conveniently huge with numerous levels and random victims each week. Some are attacked and quarantined, others up close to the infected lie about their encounters, supposed lockdowns are actually out of control, and it's tough to grasp what's happening. Windows with iceberg vistas detract from any sense of claustrophobia, and going outside the base is a mistake when the undefined logistics are continually bent. Uneven somber and loud actions compromise the pace, and what should be isolated tension doesn't feel potboiler enough. Scientists uncover data another scientist found two episodes ago but didn't share, so we have to see everyone's shock twice amid twin twists, mirrored wall sex, and easily dismissed infected used as contrived scares. One on one debates become soap opera pissy with unresolved ulterior motives within yet more tangents. Our good guy remains one step behind while his hallucinating ex-wife wastes time by blindfolding herself, removing the bandage, being re-bandaged, and taking the blindfold off again. The mole is revealed early before leaving him out in the arctic overnight to be rescued by a police babe and taken to her lair shirtless and handcuffed – and then Jeri Ryan (Voyager) is brought on as another contradictory CEO. La dee da quirky music almost mocks the serious presentation, and unnecessary slow motion, jump cuts, shaky cams, and shock editing cancel out any tense body horror by creating a visual for the audience rather than letting us see people afraid in camera. A lack of intercoms, walkie talkies, smartphones, and tablets is unrealistic, and nobody covers their face when they venture outside below zero. People camp on the open ice with just a parka and a blanket! Daily timestamps chronicle the series in real time, but an onscreen week into the show, humorous flashback fantasies break any internal focus. Eleven different writers over thirteen episodes as short as thirty-seven minutes with seven directors often in two episode blocks equal a lot of cooks without a handle on their own viral premise playing at science fiction while using shock attempts at horror. After dragging out aspects that should have happen immediately, the initial outbreak turns into something else entirely, and the original concept should have been a six episode miniseries or even a television movie. Viewers can skip two or three episodes and not miss a thing, and I no longer cared enough late in the First Season. 

 

Intruders – John Simm (Doctor Who), Mira Sorvino (The Buccaneers), and James Frain (The Tudors) star in this 2014 eight episode BBC America co-production based on the 2007 novel, but the opening prologue of break ins, muffed screams, and a fatal bath tub already seems unrelated to the Seattle FBI visits, gunshots, and house fires. The set up remains busy, bouncing from a wife who hasn't been herself to Nevada conspiracy theorists broadcasting on analog and CB radio rather than a website or podcast. The back and forths between young Millie Bobby Brown (Stranger Things) being pursued and Simm's poorly accented cop with a bad history jar for importance – so much time is spent on making the unknown science suspicious when enough's happening with spouses not showing up for work or people being called by one name and claiming that isn't who they are. Thanks to the title, we know appearances are going to be deceiving, which hurts the ominous despite cult books and magic number nine motifs. Mysterious re-appearances and foreign languages waste time building up a body switch we all saw coming. The kid stuff is also laughable – evil intruder memories and nice little girl switch-a-roos are embarrassingly obnoxious rather than menacing. An entire episode is wasted on a child not being able to travel unaccompanied, and aging the role up to a teen would have made a huge difference to the northwest convergence, quotes on death, and murders made to look like suicides. Meanwhile, our former cop is searching for his wife amid empty offices, fishy bosses, and runaround taxi driver messages but he never checks her phone for photos or texts nor contacts authorities or police friends. These are short forty-five minutes shows yet the plot feels as if it should be more feature oriented with just one missing embodied person and the secret gun toting man in pursuit – who security cameras somehow never see. The history montages and voiceovers read by a child are over the top reincarnation exposition that don't explain anything, the separate stories don't come together, and nothing happens in the current narrative – begin with the secrets before or get to the resolution. Flashbacks on who killed whom or who makes the rules topple alongside the evil kid tropes and drunken changes paralleling the struggle between these past and present lives. In fiction you can juggle multiple storylines but this idling all over the place makes the television mystery nonsensical. The characters remain clueless or in denial, it's difficult to suspend disbelief when so many contrivances underestimate the viewer, and I had to quit halfway through.

WTF?

Atlantis – I was totally confused three episodes into this 2013 fantasy series from Johnny Capps, Julian Murphy, and Howard Overman (Merlin) purportedly about the eponymous lost continent. Somehow, Mark Addy's (Game of Thrones) Hercules, Alexander Siddig's (Deep Space Nine) King Minos, a Jason of Argonauts fame, a geeky Pythagoras, and more decided Ancient Greek motifs are part of this submarine gateway to the underwater but still dry island. There are oracles mixed with modern science, gay humor, and cliché destinies, but I was looking for, you know, some kind of original catastrophic Atlantis mythology epic that begs to be told – not a retelling with a twist of heroic youths in Greece. I probably expected too much, but coming for one and finding the other feels like this series totally misrepresents itself. If I wanted to see Greek myths, I'd watch the original Clash of the Titans, so why should I stay if there's no Atlantis as we know it here?

Soldier (1998)

Soldier a Nice Little SF Movie

By Kristin Battestella

It took fore-ev-er for the 1998 film Soldier to arrive from Netflix, and I confess I held onto it a little bit longer than I should have just to make someone else have the ‘very long wait’.  For such a relatively dismissed and unloved sf action yarn, somebody is obviously still watching!

Bred from birth to be a soldier, Sergeant Todd (Kurt Russell) is replaced after forty years of deadly service by the new, elite model Caine 607 (Jason Scott Lee).  Thought dead, Todd is dumped on the waste planet Arcadia 234.  He survives the brutal conditions there and is rescued by Mace (Sean Pertwee) and his wife Sandra (Connie Neilson) – members of a community of crashed space travelers building a meager life out of the junk dumped on the planet.  Colonel Mekum (Jason Isaacs) wants to test Caine and his new soldiers and chooses Arcadia 234 as the site of his training exercises.  Despite initial resentment from the community, Todd helps defend his newfound society now that they have been deemed hostile by his replacements.

Perhaps because it was supposed to be a big budget action fest, we expect something more from Soldier and director Paul W. S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Alien vs. Predator) and writer David Peoples (Blade Runner, Ladyhawke, Twelve Monkeys). Though I don’t know why- thus far I’ve actually liked everything I’ve seen Anderson involved with; and the source screenplay and story are originally from sf literary master Harlan Ellison- and Harlan Ellison is, well, Harlan Ellison. When looking at the film with an intelligentsia perspective, it’s actually quite an intriguing little science fiction dilemma.  Yes, some of Soldier plays small like its Ellison predecessor- an original Outer Limits episode. This is probably why the action and design style look kind of hokey and not up to cinematic par.  But what’s wrong with having a science fiction action film that provides as much- if not more- food for thought over run and gun fighting eye candy? Are genetically engineered soldiers better than those trained to kill at birth?  Do those out-dated not deserve the right to defend their existence?  Can such extreme conditioning be overcome with something so seemingly useless as compassion? If compassion can defeat all ills, then why not let it?  It’s perfectly acceptable for a society to cut out its ills if it must- yet the crash survivors’ initial reaction is to help a man in need.  Which is right? Why does either have to be wrong? I just love sociological science fiction allegory!

Well, if it really came down to Kurt Russell (Escape from New York, Overboard, Stargate) and Jason Scott Lee (Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, The Jungle Book, Rapa Nui) in a fight, it would certainly be very easy to put your money on the younger and pumped Lee.  This is the exact dilemma that Soldier presents.  Russell, however, makes it very easy to feel for his character, and Lee likewise enjoys the villainy. Can one change once he is deemed obsolete? Are you truly superior if you lose all essence of the human condition? Russell conveys Todd’s badass and his somber in cool moves and little dialogue. Sure, his clipped delivery is a little stilted and often hokey, but Todd is not meant to handle conversation. And when was the last time we had the lead in a big flick speak so clunky and so little- Conan the Barbarian? Maybe someone else could have done a better job, but Russell does all right. His awkwardness at kindness, children, even hugging wonderfully says more- and the way his soldier style benefits his new community is also delightful.  See the bigger picture, people! Can a man have both affection and strength and not be weak or out of date? Lee’s ruthless steamrolling mentality is a wonderful contrast as well.  Where Todd seems almost a broken, traumatized case, Caine is styled as an unyielding sociopath- and that is supposed to be the efficient next step. Where one can be fixed, or at least accepted, the other cannot.

Naturally, a woman goes a long way in creating house and home, doesn’t she? Connie Neilson (Gladiator, The Devil’s Advocate) is lovely and warm and you have to wonder on the latent kinky possibilities between Sandra and Todd.  Sean Pertwee (Dog Soldiers, Camelot) and Michael Chiklis (The Commish, The Shield) are also great at being middle of the road guys who accept and befriend Todd, extreme conditioning and all. As much as we have teased Gary Busey (The Buddy Holly Story, Under Siege) in recent years or love to see him play the crazy jerk, his aptly named Captain Church is actually a wonderfully harsh good guy.  Of course, oft baddie Jason Isaacs (The Patriot, Harry Potter) is typecast as a villain, yes, but he’s just so dang good at it!  

Loud bangs and booms, naturally, are super loud against the soft dialogue- but there are enough chunks of both action montages early and quiet conversations in between to relax on the volume control.  Fortunately, there are subtitles on the DVD to fix all that, too.  The outer space shots and distant, supposedly otherworldly panoramas, however, look kind of crappy.  Yes, they live on a bleak and trash heap ridden dusty planet, but ergo Soldier also looks like a load of junk.  If you were flicking through the channels and came across the supposedly big and dusty action finale here, you’d probably snark and pass on by- especially in comparison to our much beloved CGI. Thankfully, the effects aren’t meant to be the essence of the picture here, coughavatarcough, and the drama of a well told concept wins.  Though there’s good old R violence and some innuendo, tweens and anyone who can appreciate substance with their sci-fi can enjoy Soldier. Though elusive, the DVD is well worth the wait- er hunt.

Harry Potter: Films 1 thru 5

A Harry Potter Analysis

By Kristin Battestella

I must say straight off that this critique will be brief in comparison to experts and hardcore fans. I confess: I am a muggle. After recently viewing the first five films in the popular Boy Wizard franchise based J.K. Rowling’s best selling series; I wanted to express my thoughts in a quick, layman’s guide.

Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone – For starters, I don’t know why they go through all this trouble to change the Philosopher’s title. Oh, a wizard, not Socrates-we get it. This first film has a lot to pack in and director Chris Columbus (Home Alone, Adventures in Babysitting) never quite strikes the right balance between introducing Harry’s magical world and the stone chase at hand. I know it’s meant for kids, but I would rather forgo the CGI of Quidditch for a more complete story on the Philocerer’s stone. The titular task is tacked on in the latter part of the show. Despite these complaints, writer Steve Kloves (Wonder Boys) has adapted the essence of Rowling’s literary world. Though light-hearted at this point and I’d prefer more on the issues with magic rather than the awe; this debut is fun for kids. The cast-from the young stars to the elder veterans- has plenty to work with. Introductory and a little too open ended, but delightfully leading you towards the next film.

Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets – Columbus returns for a second installment that has many of the same troubles as its predecessor. Again, we don’t get to the meat of this tale until late and it’s resolved a little too easy. Secrets is a little more grown up, but it’s dark in some of the wrong places-it’s tough to appreciate the fine castle locales when everything is so dim. Story and talent are again on form, but the late entering culprit is a little obvious, too. What is with the Defense Against Dark Arts department? We know that’s where all the hang-ups are going to be, and it’s given sometimes undoes Snape’s fine ambiguity. Again, we end with a little bit of an Empire Strikes Back feeling: Are these films about the adventure at hand- or are they meant to be compilations of all the neat things in Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s given year? Part of me understands why some readers don’t like these quick adaptations. The rushed and stay tuned endings do give me a feeling that to know it all, you must read the books. More of the same, yes, but still entertaining enough to keep audiences going.

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban- Three years after the second picture, we finally get to some maturity and unhappiness. New director Alfonso Cuaron (Y tu Mama Tambien) focuses on confusing magic, truths, identities-and all this at an age where real life is confusing as it is. The nighttime filming is bright enough to see-even if we do figure out all the foreshadowing ahead of time. Some of the comedic touches are a bit off, trading serious, murky characters for fun. Although I did laugh at Malfoy’s ‘bloody chicken!’ cries. I do prefer the late Richard Harris’ raspy Dumbledore to Michael Gambon’s more witty debut, but the rotation of adult actors like David Thewlis and Gary Oldman is a little annoying, too. Who will be the new addition next? Will they return in the series, nudge nudge, wink wink? I like Azkaban the best so far, but a lot of it is revelations and explanations-what’s really done here beyond tiding us over until the next picture?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – In Year Five, we’re getting to some of the heavy teenager stuff at last-dancing and asking girls out, oh my! And good Lord someone give these kids a haircut! Director Mike Newell (Four Weddings and A Funeral) mixes the growing up with the deadly Triwizard Tournament and loses a little bit of both. Maybe kids might shy away from the budding romances, but again that Defense Against The Dark Arts department makes things way too obvious. Normally, I don’t like the effects laden magical battles, but we don’t get to see all the competitors at the Tournament as we should. And yes, I couldn’t help myself from calling Cedric Edward Cullen. The two top dreamboat boys together, oh boy! Fine adult additions like Ralph Fiennes and Miranda Richardson are again squeezed for kinky stuff like Harry in the bath with Moaning Myrtle. Every adult actor in Britain seems to make an appearance in this series, but his or her roles are never as meaty as I hope.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – New director David Yates (helmsman of Half Blood Prince and the final duo Deathly Hallows films) and screenwriter Michael Goldberg (Contact) somehow managed to make the shortest film from the longest book. Is Fire an uneven film trying to pack in too much-or is it a fallen adaptation to begin with? I noticed straightaway that we at last don’t waste any time on Quidditch, but on the dime Phoenix drops all the joyous wonders of Hogwarts for secret battle action. So many characters-old and new- magically show up, too. How many days do you think David Thewlis, Gary Oldman, Ralph Fiennes, Maggie Smith, Jason Isaacs, and Helena Bonham Carter worked on this film? (Did Emma Thompson and Bonham Carter cross paths to chat about their ex and previous Dark Arts Prof Kenneth Branagh?) We have such talent amid the old Order of the Phoenix- as well as the Death Eaters-yet we never get to the titular meat of these organizations. Again, there’s too much of ‘well the book explains it better, and so will the next movie’. When does this series stop leading up to something?

As it stands…

For all its carrot taunting the horse, to me the Harry Potter film series as is doesn’t stand out from any other juvenile fantasy. And let’s face it, the popularity of Rowling’s franchise has brought a lot of children’s fantasy books to the screen-including the dismissed The Golden Compass, The Spiderwick Chronicles, and the more successful but in production limbo Chronicles of Narnia- how could Disney drop such fine material for Fox to claim? The market is just a tad flooded for the forthcoming Percy Jackson films and the long awaited The Hobbit adaptations, isn’t it?

Of course, Harry Potter sets the bar with magical effects and action. The movies may be linear for the most part; but the story is involved, complex, and full of fine characters upon which the pictures merely graze. The bulk of depth and joy lost for the big screen makes me wonder why Harry Potter was never considered as a television series. Yes, its popularity warrants big screen treatment, but a progressively heavy seven-year journey ala Buffy The Vampire Slayer might have served the material far better. Twenty hours a year instead of two plus every two years or so, that’s something I could really have gotten obsessed with.

Right now, there’s not enough intrigue for me to embark on the reading opus required. The last time I did that, it took me four months to read The Lord of The Rings. It was one of the best times of my life, but not all of us adults can afford to drop everything for such literary obsessions-even one so book minded as I. It’s a bit of a sad statement on American society, unfortunately. We would prefer eating fast food while working through a stressful lunch in front of a pc before spending a relaxing bath with a fine book. Though some have complained about Potteresque influences on young minds, the series is keeping long-winded books in the instantaneous and desensitized minds of the next generation.

There are charming moments of magic, fun, and great characters in J.K. Rowling’s world; but after these viewings, I’m not obsessively in love with Harry Potter. Will I watch the forthcoming pictures? Sure, I like Harry and his world enough to see how all these hours end. I don’t deny the possibility that there’s enough in this series to make an exceptional film- or enough enchantment for me to carve out a summer with my niece’s Harry Potter books. As to The Half Blood Prince, you might be asking? Well, my husband saw it in the cinema and has been in a Potter kick since, along with my niece’s countdown to the IMAX Theater. Now you know why I had to watch these!

ETA: Please see our critique of the Half Blood Prince in our Defense of Blu-ray article, here.