Science Fiction and Fantasy Collisions

Science Fiction and Fantasy Collide!

by Kristin Battestella

These adventures retro and recent intermix the sci-fi and fantasy facts and fiction. Whether the co-mingling crossover is good, bad, or ugly...now that's a different story.

Outlander – No not that one! This 2008 international science fiction adventure starring Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ), Sophia Myles (Tristan & Isolde), John Hurt (The Field), and Ron Perlman (Blade) is a loose a la Beowulf with rousing music and fitting onscreen fonts looking both metal futuristic and iron age old for this alien warrior crashing to earth in Norway, 709 AD. Rustic mountains and misty forests contrast the coastal spaceship debris, flight suits, and alien computer interface downloading the local language. Mission goodbye memories, burying fellow crewman, no response homing beacon – this lone survivor is stranded sans high tech weapons and there are signs of something monstrous at the nearby burned village. Timber and thatch designs, mead halls, ancient trees, Norse names, furs, and shield maiden styles set the Viking scene as the titular captive is questioned about his unusual name. Standing stones, Frankish enemies, and fear of dragons accent the leadership tensions as the elders rule with safety over risk-taking young warriors while new priests think the violence is Lucifer's wrath on their old pagan ways. The dialogue is decent – our outsider tells the king of his crashed ship and dead crew without the interplanetary details, but the king suspects his “up north” origin is untrue even if his revenge is genuine. Of course, there are typical orphan bonding cliches, woman made tender by nursing tropes, and would be rival warriors become friends so one can be a sacrificial BFF later. Certain fight scenes also cheat with odd speeds and hokey CGI imitations of Predator, and the saturated night time blues with orange firelight schemes are commonplace. The unseen alien cum Grendel attacks are better ominous as monster silhouettes, oozing mouths, red flashes, fiery tentacles, and blood splatters shock the otherwise chilly palette. Tracking blood trails, carcasses, and beheadings are not for the faint yet there are some bemusing moments as our astronaut can't hold his mead or ride a horse. His harsh tone and clipped military manner matches the out of place as the vikings look and sound oldeth. They accept him with animal trophies and feasting games before giving him a cloak that does indeed look like a sci-fi viking mix, building the culture with people and relationships before special effects. Celestial reflections keep the interstellar touches alongside clan wars and revenge raids. Chieftains argue on how to trap a monster with typical villagers build and learn how to defend themselves preparation scenes and a go to the bathroom and you miss him Ron Perlman. However, this outlander becomes handy with the rustic tools and uses whale oil for his explosive plan. Seeing his primitive engineering is also fun speculation compared to the over the top Ancient Aliens – maybe early people did have extraterrestrial metallurgy! Although there should be no cutaways to other clans when the monster is feasting, for the more you leave to the imagination, the better. Frankly, I've always wanted to see Beowulf done with Grendel as nothing but sound – the scratching at the door while the people inside fear – and it may have been even cooler had this followed Beowulf more closely. This outlander's people were conquerors, too, and about the campfire emotion and surreal flashbacks of his alien home accent his ironic warning on colonialism when vikings would pillage all the way to North America. Here, however, this outsider finds a place to belong not by conquering, but defending amid well done deceptions and fatal action twists with underwater battles and fantastically forged swords from spacecraft salvage. Unfortunately, the waterfall finale is messy with thrashing people, confusing action, a woman warrior still needing her man, and obvious slow motion. An earlier, seemingly more damaging attack on our alien monster doesn't kill it, yet this simple end does just because the run time says so. Said monster, however, is better looking once the sci-fi effects are lost in the water and he becomes a sympathetic, last of his kind dragon. This could have really shined as something spectacular, and forty minutes of deleted scenes (!) provide a different opening clarifying the viking conflicts and narrations with more Norse focused character scenes. Flat out, this is another butchered and barely there theatrical release that deserved more, but that mother fucking shit bag scum maggot pervert don't want to pollute my blog with his name Harvbumfucksteinasshole sabotaged it. Fortunately, this remains a surprisingly enjoyable and unique blend of futuristic meets medieval.

Zardoz – John Boorman (Excalibur) directs this 1974 international production featuring Charlotte Rampling (Cleanskin) and the red undies clad Sean Connery (Goldfinger) amid a 2293 science fiction surreal complete with the titular disembodied head. A floating statue worshiped by post-apocalyptic horseback warriors spews forth ammunition from its giant mouth as the immortal Eternals play god, telling the Exterminators to kill the lesser Brutals with gun is good and penis is evil mantras. Population control and weapons fired directly at the spectator audience are heavy allegories, but the statements are slow to start thanks to the unnecessary, laughable beginning. Our flying head cruises along the clouds before landing in the quaint English countryside with old fashioned homes featuring skeletons, relics of the past, and scientific charts on how homo sapiens begat eternals. Conversation explains this immortal vortex and the divided outlands while psychic flashbacks detail previous violence. These isolated rely on an advanced computer intelligence, talking to it with a cool crystal ring each wears as they study Connery's ruffian Zed, a surprising presence polluting their hedonist equilibrium. Jealous women seem coupled among fey, impotent men who put Zed to cataloging formerly priceless works of art. Idle exiles so apathetic they become catatonic, trials where the penalty is aging, psychic induced strokes– there are seriously intriguing nuggets amid the goofy happenings but saucy images and intercut montages make for strung together steamy or cool vignettes in what should be a straightforward culture clash parable. The eternals realize the outside world isn't as bad as they have been lead to believe, and their corrupt society has become what they were trying to prevent thanks to the mentally and physically superior exterminators seeking truth and revenge. Tree of knowledge osmosis, jacking into their matrix revelations, and snake in the garden sex make man both savior and destruction in a somewhat rushed action finale with nonsensical screaming and obvious deus ex machina as wizards come out from behind the curtain and man shoots at himself in the mirror to destroy his fallible god. Although one can see the ahead of their time statements attempted here, the silly design proves high concepts such as artificial intelligence, cloning, reverse eugenics, and euthanasia can really be compromised by messy seventies limitations and an overlong, trippy production. Too much is happening that doesn't always work, yet modern viewers have to laugh at the ridiculous as well as watch more than once for what is trying to be said amid the surreal kaleidoscopes and psychedelic crystals. Besides, I need the recipe for those giant green pretzels.

A Bonus Documentary

Awakening Arthur – From the birth of Arthur with Igraine and Gorlois ruses to possible Avalon tombs said to the hold sleeping King Arthur waiting to return; scenic castles, stone ruins, jousting images, and medieval chalices match the romance and chivalry chronicled in this 2001 documentary hour. Welsh folklore, neolithic cave bears, and dragon legends of similar Gaelic origins accent on location tours of Stonehenge, other megalith stones, and 3,500 year old barrows. Early maps parallel local mythology and constellations with Merlin myths amid historical composites, Roman exits, Anglo-Saxon raids, and purported Druid sacrifices. Red Dragon of Wales mantles provide Uther pendragon backstory and Cornwall beginnings with lovely Tintagel photography and Tennyson quotes recreating Merlin's cave rearing of Arthur. Although some segments are quicker than others or more fiction than fact, archaeological discoveries of fifth century Arthur inscriptions offer concrete evidence alongside sword in the stone depictions, Excalibur, Lady of the Lake healings, and ancient fertility rituals. Medieval Christianity overtaking pagan symbols lead to a mix in the Arthurian canon of ancient springs and Madonna image infusion; symbolic sun king life, death, and rebirth; and regal quests chasing the Holy Grail. The Guinevere marriage, Round Table origins, Lancelot and Original Sin, and Galahad heroics grow from later eleventh century Brittany writings while Geoffrey of Monmouth recountings add Glastonbury Tor, Chalice Well, and rumored sites of Camelot at Cadbury. Further mixing of local French folklore with giants and Celtic gods elevate Arthur to something more mythical despite deadly betrayals, possible Camlann locations, and Mordred battles. Ongoing solstice rituals, contemporary druid revivals, and New Age predictions combine with light defeating dark religious motifs, literary vengeance tales, and Arthur's Seat hilltops as Avalon journeys of slumber rather than death, new poetry, and purported abbey skeletons add to the legends. While the narration and onscreen host are somewhat stuffy for some viewers today and certain information may be dated, the segment title cards breakdown the timeline and there's a welcome lack of in your face background music to the straightforward rather than frills. This isn't anything new to scholars yet remains a quick Arthurian introduction for younger audiences.

I'm not Even Sure...

Immortal – It's Charlotte Rampling again alongside eugenics warnings, dystopian riots, organ harvesting, and helicopter crashes for this 2004 English-French co-production. There's a pyramid in the sky above this futuristic city, too, and the God of the Dead Horus possesses the body of a cryogenically frozen escapee to find a mate. Sadly, the mixed animation design is embarrassingly hokey with live actors in an unpolished and unrealistic entirely CGI setting. The cartoonish news reports, jarring pyramid animation, and video game style characters intercut with real people look they were done by different nineties start ups – taking away any attempt at sophistication as the audience wonders who each person covered in graphics is or if any animated character is essential or not. Important Horus animations look the worst, as his throat moves when he talks instead of his beak. Ironically, it's like a man wearing a mask on his head, which would have looked better. Non-human prejudice, alien metamorphosis, and population extermination get lost amid the busy graphics, and crowded storytelling leaves the internal logic nonsensical. Writer/director Enki Bilal is also the author of the source comic book, and he knows everything the audience doesn't. Unless you are familiar with the materials prior, nothing is explained – we're too far into the in media res with illegal government experiments on aliens and failed revolution martyrs bending to psychic piecemeal and convenient bar encounters. Blue hues and green lights better suggest the alien weird and graphic novel colorful, and hey, blue nipples are all the exotic needed. Indeed, the simplest visual elements work best when they are allowed to be without all the design intrusions. Intriguing characters and romantic interactions blossom when people are free to discuss who they are and ultimately find out who they are meant to be. This picture proves why there aren't many films made in entirely digital environs, for a muddle story throwing everything at the screen can't compensate when it's all too noticeable for any suspension of disbelief. I'd love to see this tale remade today, for what should be a potentially interesting and straightforward tale of humans, aliens, and gods fighting for their existence is compromised by the flawed designs, uneven presentation, and messy happenings with questionable consent sex scenes. Too many CGI characters that could have been regular actors really don't mean anything, and fine moments with the main characters in the second half aren't enough to save a finale with no answers. Pity.

'Twas Embarrassing!

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Charlie Hunnam (Crimson Peak), Jude Law (The Talented Mr. Ripley), Eric Bana (Troy), Djimon Hounsou (The Tempest), Aidan Gillan (Game of Thrones), Annabelle Wallis (The Tudors), and a three minute Katie McGrath (Merlin) star in director Guy Richie's 2017 over the top retelling immediately copying Lord of the Rings with giant elephants and destruction set pieces. Arguing amid good mages versus evil magic flashes are confusing and the story already feels muddled with Camelot, Uther Pendragon, and Mordred mismatching the general Arthurian canon. Assassinations provide little reason to care when we don't know what's going on as one death after another punctuate disjointed prologue scenes before restarting again thanks to Londinium pans and super speed 300 boyhood montages with pulsing music. This raised in the brothel Arthur is pick pocketing on those mean medieval streets like Robin Hood – change the names and you would not recognize this as anything Camelot! CGI Siren/octopus/Macbeth witches tell the evil Vortigen what to do while backroom conversations on graffiti are spliced with viking heists, camera swipes, and quick editing. It's fast, it's in your face, it's the streetwise clever we've been waiting for in a follow up to RocknRolla – but it does not belong in a fantasy picture. Richie fans won't care for the period framework and audiences tuning in for Arthurian fantasy will be totally irritated by such modern sarcasm and self important structure. Arthur is the only person wearing white so we know its him when David Beckham – yes, David Beckham – yells at him to pull the sword from the stone. Every scene has camera movement, zooms, or up close slides, never letting the conversation, heroics, or villainy simmer as no shot is longer than four seconds and no intercut conversation more than a minute. The hectic plot and breakneck pace deliberately won't stay still so viewers neither see how unArthurian this is or note how much it borrows from elsewhere. The tunics are more like leather blazers or biker vests, and behold, prophecy, or legend jargon feel out of place amid the non-linear voiceovers and laughably modern dialogue spliced with inconsequential action from unimportant moments prior. Arthur pulls the sword from the stone, his uncle the king tells him he's the true king's son, and his father's men want to follow him yet pissed off Arty wants to go back to being a brothel pimp? People argue about sending him to some dangerous Darklands while we see him in said Darklands defeating a CGI snake, dragon, and some water wolf thing in another 300 style yadda yadda yadda montage. What should have been a critical character connection from the beginning is instead used for a flashback action sequence, indicating that the writing here was more interested in holding back for count 'em five planned movies after this inexplicably expensive franchise non-starter. Why isn't there a truly Lord of the Rings proper Arthurian telling in this television golden era? Why do all Arthurian films and series need to repeat Arthur origin tales? Somebody please put together a writer's room that culls the story resources into a respectably interwoven adventure. Who in the heck decided this destroyed tower, forged sword Excalibur mash up, and Vortigen Witch King of Angmar were going to happen after they start Camelot with Mordred, the character who traditionally kills Arthur? This Game of Thrones meets Sons of Anarchy in the style of 300 rotten idea should never have made it all the way to being box office bomb. It's angering, dizzying, headache inducing, and I turned it off after the first hour.

Top Ten: James Bond!

Welcome to our new Top Tens series in celebration of I Think, Therefore I Review's Tenth Anniversary! These monthly lists will highlight special themes and topics from our extensive archive of reviews.

This time I Think, Therefore I Review presents in chronological order...

Our Top Ten James Bond Movies!

Dr. No

From Russia with Love

Goldfinger

You Only Live Twice

Live and Let Die

The Spy Who Loved Me

For Your Eyes Only

The Living Daylights

Goldeneye

Skyfall

Please see our Action labels and James Bond Tags or our Bond Overview page for even more!

I Think, Therefore I Review began as the blog home for previously published reviews and reprinted critiques by horror author Kristin Battestella. Naturally older articles linked here may be out of date and codes or formatting may be broken. Please excuse any errors and remember our Top Tens will generally only include films, shows, books, or music previously reviewed at I Think, Therefore I Review.

A Shakespeare Trio

A Shakespeare Trio!

by Kristin Battestella

Let's celebrate The Bard with these three elusive and somewhat unusual adaptations brimming with big names, bizzarro, and beaches. Huzzah!

Macbeth – Pre-007 Sean Connery leads this black and white 1961 Canadian television production – which looks like some seriously low budget mid century television indeed thanks to poor, VHS caliber video and up close camera work that is so tight, its missing its own blocking and practically cutting off the picture. The costumes are almost non-existent, the swords look like toys, and the empty stone sets are more bad sci-fi than Billy. There's a lot of standing around doing nothing, too, but fortunately the foreground silhouettes, gray shadows, and ballet-esque witches invoke a surreal feeling alongside ominous smoke, thunder, and trumpets. The old speakeths are well spoken, delivered firmly as the brisk eighty minutes gets right to the prophecies, treasonous plots, murderous frenzy, and guilty consequences. Although jealous voiceovers and ambitious internal monologues initially belie Macbeth's calm exterior, it's a pity there are precious few action moments and no zesty, angry asides to match Connery's gruff. Ironically, the abstract space accents Lady Macbeth's warped soliloquies, and stage dame Zoe Caldwell looks her conniving, condescending part – Mrs. MacB's twisted, timeless words are enough to carry her easily manipulated husband to crime and trump the old production values. Sleepwalking, revenge, turn about fair play – this packs in a lot despite most of the action happening offscreen. Zooms and music do escalate the shocks for the Macduff killings, and the sword fight finale is well played, however, one must be familiar with the play before this viewing. I do wish Connery had a proper film chance at The Scottish Play, and while the shoddy video makes this classroom tough, comparing specific scenes could be a fun study. It's not quite a filmed play, however, with such little attention to the film design, nothing remains but dialogue and performance to tell the story – and I kind of like it that way.

Othello – It's black and white and only an hour and a half, but writer, director, producer, and star Orson Welles puts his all into this 1952 opus. The ominous opening reveals the play's fatal ending with haunting funerary, chanting, silhouettes, and medieval hoods in a march of the damned complete with sacrificial Cross motifs. Venice feelings and international locales add mood for this fast moving, simplified adaptation, too. However, no one is introduced and the dialogue is difficult without subtitles – making this edition very confusing for one unfamiliar with the always fine tragedy at hand. Although the narration, head hopping, and messy structuring is understandable due to the long gestating, embattled production, the intercut up close shots have a spliced together tone. Distant outdoor filming, big battle action, and artistic scene setters also try too hard and detract from the plot. This Iago is a mustache twisting villain – his opportunistic orchestration lost amid the busy scenes or existing only to dupe a kindly, messianic Moor whose one weakness is a woman in white. Of course, if Welles could have done this as a one man show, he probably would have, and his egotistical photography creates more unevenness. Othello's scenes are the best because Welles makes them so with slower shots and stewing confrontations. From misunderstood to ogre with crazy in between, this is a performance booming in stature. However, a white star playing the traditionally black Moor is certainly taboo for viewers today – and Welles does so in odd, sweaty, swarthy makeup. Such full of itself blinders overshadows an intriguing vision caught behind the noir forties yet ahead of the avante garde sixties. Fortunately, the pace steamrolls thanks to a no good handkerchief, and considering all the behind the scenes troubles, it's amazing this is such watchable, powerful stuff. No, this isn't perfect, and the changes may bother Shakespeare purists, but this heavy little picture is worth a look. 



The Tempest – Helen Mirren (The Queen) leads writer and director Julie Taymor's (Titus) 2010 role reversal alongside Alan Cumming (X2), Chris Cooper (American Beauty), David Strathairn (Goodnight, and Good Luck), Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator), and Felicity Jones (The Theory of Everything). Sorcery and supernatural storms invoke an in limbo, fantasy tone – making the hefty exposition easier old speaketh fanciful – while brief flashbacks to Milan have a dreamy, otherworldly quality to match. Small people live large in orchestrating flawed plans to entertain themselves amid an almost steampunk styled island lair and bleak, barren settings. Silent film German Expressionism photography captures the isolated, moody Hawaii beaches and airy forests as ships in peril, crashing waves, and seaside winds accent the surreal. However, the Ariel special effects montages can feel cheesy or redundant – Ben Whishaw (Skyfall) need not be separated from the rest of the cast with post production spectacle in this otherwise outdoor play presentation. Fortunately, the blu-ray release has an hour long behind the scenes documentary, commentary with the cast and crew, and rehearsal footage explaining how and why they made such choices. Subtle reflections, nymph music, and the earthy, androgynous Ariel design are better, and the harpy scene provides some wild turnabout action. Although young audiences may like the near slapstick silly and drunken moments, even as a jester Russell Brand (Despicable Me) feels out of place with an obnoxious missing the mark sidetracking the first hour. The innate Shakespeare parallels can also feel uneven when straying from the stronger cast and self aware confrontations. The youthful romance, however, is more appealing to modern viewers thanks to players waxing on if they are dreaming or awake in a play within a play purgatory. Likewise, the Prospera switch adds mother/daughter intrigue to strengthen the sympathetic sorceress with a bad wrap theme. Maybe we don't see Mirren much and it is obvious this is such a strong female character because the role is really written for a man, but our Dame commands the masculine ruthless and fiery action well. Everyone here plots for their own gain, yet each finds his guilt, pity, or comeuppance in a fine finale that trades power for compassion. One may not always agree with Taymor's storytelling decisions, however, I wish she directed more simply because this industry needs visionary women. Several scenes here are ripe for classroom comparisons and discussions, and in this era where most films look the same, Shakespearean fans seeking something different need look no further.

James Bond Documentaries!

Real World Documentaries on the Fictional James Bond!

By Kristin Battestella

If there’s one thing more magical than analyzing Bond onscreen, then it’s analyzing the analysis of others analyzing Bond onscreen!  So here’s a session of Bondian non fiction and documentaries to delve deeper into Her Majesty’s fictitious Service.

  

Biography: Daniel Craig – From his first school plays, maternal support, and theatre work to edgy independent fair such as Love is the Devil and successful Hollywood turns in Road to Perdition and Layer Cake, this 2007 episode of the long running series illumes the decade of thespian work before Craig’s coveted casting as the first blonde Bond. While it’s great to see childhood photos and early snaps of the handsome young actor, the zooming, panning, angled, and spinning photos can be annoying as they continuously repeat and fill the 45-minute TV time. Of course, most of the 21^st century Biography shows play more like hip, gossipy, entertainment newsbeats instead of the program’s traditional, seemingly official, or sanctioned sit down interview and intimate revelation with the subject. Instead, snippets from other Craig interviews pre and post Bond, chats with old school teachers, and commentary from celeb columnists make for a somewhat awkward presentation. A showbiz reporter informing on Craig’s first marriage, famous girlfriends, daughter, and extreme privacy against intrusive tabloids feels illegitimate – if industry reporters are talking about how he doesn’t often grant interviews or ignores media fodder and he didn’t consent to an interview with Biography…yeah, whoopsie! Short clips from Craig’s early films and television that international audiences may not have seen do much better in showing the actor’s talent, versatility, and penchant for heavy scene chewing material. The popcorn narrator doesn’t paraphrase Barbara Broccoli’s decision on choosing Craig as Bond until the final fifteen minutes, but the encapsulation of the challenging transition and becoming accepted as 007 is interesting to see in retrospect again now. It’s nowhere near all encompassing on Craig’s life and career, no – this episode seems to have more of everyone else but him! Indeed, I’d like to see a new, real Biography conversation someday with The Man Himself reflecting on his Bond tenure, yet fans new to the franchise or Craig’s work can get a quick summary here before diving into his varied filmography for complete Craig appreciation.

Bond Girls Are Forever – Maryam D’Abo hosts this retrospective hour on “The Women of James Bond” with an honest, globe trotting, and fun approach fitting to this fanciful, exclusive club. Footage of each lady in her respective Bond film looks great alongside new intimate conversations on Their Man James and what it means to be a Bond Girl from Ursula Andress, Honor Blackman, Luciana Paluzzi, Jill St. John, Jane Seymour, Maud Adams, Lois Chiles, Carey Lowell, Michelle Yeoh, Halle Berry, and Rosamund Pike. Non traditional 007 gals like Judi Dench as M and Samantha Bond as Moneypenny also have their say, and updated editions of this 2002 video include thoughts from Eva Green, Caterina Murino, Gemma Arterton, Naomie Harris, and Berenice Marlohe. Of course, this isn’t exhaustive with every gal in every Bond movie, and understandably, some foreign ladies or retired gals perhaps did not wish to appear. Although this leaves little reflection on From Russia with Love, You Only Live Twice, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, The Spy Who Loved Me, For Your Eyes Only, A View to a Kill, Goldeneye, and The World is Not Enough, we can forgive absentees of note such as Diana Rigg, Barbara Bach, Lynn-Holly Johnson, Tanya Roberts, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen, Sophie Marceau, and Denise Richards. Pity also there’s no outside canon conversation with Kim Basinger, but the major loves and villainesses here give unique cross coverage on the fame, notoriety, expectations, career help or hindrance, and where are they now comparisons. Serious issues on the sexism of Bond then and now, the feminism movement, and the over the top damsel or bitch caricatures are debated as well. This isn’t specifically a classic look or by Bond focus, but the chronological order and clips from all the 007 pictures go along well with the multiple re-releases and companion book. Besides, it’s just dang fun to see how these ladies have only gotten better with age.

 

Everything or Nothing: The Untold Story of James Bond – World War II background, lovely post war period footage, and Jamaican home videos inform on Bond creator Ian Fleming’s literary tenacity to start this 2012 hour and a half detailing the history behind the beloved spy. From the earliest, struggling Jimmy Bond adaptations and difficulties in establishing the titular Eon Productions to interviews with Christopher Lee, Fleming family and friends, Barbara Broccoli, the Saltzman family, and Michael G. Wilson, this documentary has a lot of history to cover! Archive footage of Fleming and Cubby Broccoli supplement the hesitation over choosing Sean Connery as Bond and finding the right production team with Maurice Binder and John Barry before the fame, franchise heights, cast fallouts, and more. Quotes from John F. Kennedy, voiceovers with Connery, and more conversations with Maud Adams, Judi Dench, Bill Clinton, Famke Janssen, Rosmund Pike, and Sam Mendes read like a who’s who, and of course, we have retrospectives with 007 men George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig. Whew! Indeed, this feels a little too action movie fast paced as it intercuts and jumps between Bond footage. The time here isn’t a sentimental reflective documentary going deep with Fleming’s genesis, but some film details are skipped over in favor of the bitter, decades long Kevin McClory drama. Thanks to a playing it safe lack of depth beyond how these court cases broke Fleming’s health, viewers who don’t know the franchise’s history may not fully grasp the scale and legal issues created by McClory’s claims. Time is much better spent on the Lazenby switch, trouble between Broccoli and Saltzman in Moore’s early era, Dalton’s darker take on 007, Brosnan’s waits in landing the role, and 21^st century refocus with Craig.  Despite the title, there’s a lot more of the basics then what’s untold – an entire series of documentaries could be done with the story of this franchise. A telefilm per actor, an episode on Fleming, one on Thunderball and the Battle of the Bonds with Never Say Never Again – the billion dollar interest can support it! There are a few pacing hiccups, sure, but ultimately, this nostalgic look serves its purpose in getting both newcomers and longtime audiences hankering for a viewing marathon.

The Real Story: James Bond – The Smithsonian Channel presents this 2009 45 minutes debating how much fact is actually in Ian Fleming’s spy fiction. Did Bond embody his creator’s womanizing and addictive ways? What about those real life secret service efforts and AU commandos orchestrated by Fleming? Expert interviews discuss the literary action, plot formulas, and sexism on the page and how they encapsulated Fleming’s own military life, travels, and espionage experience. Real life card game encounters and officers who would become M inspirations had their twists in Casino Royale while enigma decoding plans become From Russia with Love’s premise, but what wartime heroes could have suggested the 007 character? Was Bond the author’s wish fulfillment or something darker and misogynistic? Through expensive tastes and real world expertise, Fleming used his history and the Cold War topics of the time to draft the perfect fantasy spy for a post war UK still looking for heroes. The segment on fantastic wartime gadgetry, real gyrocopters, and defecting spies becomes a little out of place since the majority of the time here plays more like a Fleming biopic than something about Bond or the film franchise. The re-enactments and narration hyperbole are a bit much at times, and the questions raised sound so overly serious or faux scandalous amid otherwise tender and fresh family angles and period footage. These numerous possibilities, theories, and offshoots on how Bond came to be are nothing new in themselves, and the presentation could have been exclusively about Fleming by going deeper into his exhaustive book pace and it’s increasing tired and ill tasking upon his health. Fortunately, literary purists will like the brief graze upon the films, and the fiction comparisons and digging deep into life imitating art is always interesting to see.

And just in case you’re curious, no, I still haven’t gone through all the multitude of features on the Bond 50: The Complete Film Collection blu-ray box set, tee hee. 

Diamonds Are Forever

Diamonds Are Forever a Satirical Action Mixed Bag

By Kristin Battestella

My husband liked this 1971 final official appearance of Sean Connery as 007 for its dry, straightforward heist designs. However, the uneven mix of sardonic camp, flashy settings, and Vegas cash in hasn’t stood the test of time.

MI-6 Agent James Bond (Connery) pursues Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd (Bruce Glover and Putter Smith) as bodies in the illegal diamond trade fall in their wake. With his jewel smuggling contact Tiffany Case (Jill St. John), 007 heads to Las Vegas and joins CIA ally Felix Leiter (Norman Burton) in uncovering a multi-faceted, high-tech, high-rise, and doppelganger-laden heist lead by none other than Bond’s thought dead nemesis, Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Charles Gray).

Glorious a Sin City time capsule it may be, Diamonds Are Forever doesn’t quite feel like any of its onscreen Bond predecessors thanks to these Vegas caper designs. The Illicit jewel trade, wealth obsessions, and peripheral political commentaries on the subject are not as good as Goldfinger’s analysis, and one even wonders why franchise writers Richard Maibaum and Tom Mankiewicz have 007 involved in such a basic American escapade at all. Change the names and toss in any old cops and would Diamonds Are Forever be any different? Previous Bond Director Guy Hamilton’s approach is Nevada old and arid with no wink thanks to the lack of Bondian hallmarks, and attempts to liven the adventure confuse the scheme. What do the diamonds have to do with the Blofeld intro? We’re at the circus? With elephants? In a Bond movie? Distasteful racist undertones over a decidedly Yiddish showman and his trick of turning a black woman into a gorilla are also too bizarre and unfunny. Though the satirical moon buggy chase sequence looks good, it is an of the time deadpan gag laughable for the wrong reasons. Between the changing of the decade, British world transitions, and attempted American humorous appeal, Diamonds of Forever simply has too much to do in addition to its unenviable position between the franchise’s return to Connery after Lazenby’s serious, book faithful misstep. The events of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service are completely ignored here, by the way. Space flight notions, crime angst, Willard Whyte conglomerate switch a roos, an out of the blue oil rig action finale – it’s all over the place yet not enough. Are those diamond, oil, and water statements supposed to be taken seriously? Because Blofeld’s one man submarine being bandied about on a crane is too far toward parody. Are we supposed to be laughing at the villain who put so much terror in his numbered subordinates just a few films ago?

Of course, the rechristened Sean Connery looks old and gray for Diamonds Are Forever, but the reduced amount of personal action here seems fitting for this aged style. Though the congested elevator fight early on is well done, this 007 is on the case more with his wits and stays mostly by the book with no Bond Theme to follow him. The mortuary scenes and that fiery close call are fun, but James doesn’t really have any chemistry with Tiffany Case. Combined with the meandering, unfocused script and lack of nudge nudge wink wink swanky, this puts a major damper on Connery’s room to maneuver. The pair may just be too far apart in age or style, as Tiffany seems too young and unbelievable a catch even for James Bond. We see them in an intimate relationship and yet the caper and lady foil humor attempts make the duo feel more like a chaste friendship compared to Connery’s previous bum slapping and love ‘em and leave ‘em conquests. Thankfully, our first American Bond Gil Jill St. John (Come Blow Your Horn) has some tricked out spy works of her own for all this crime business – complete with that Tiffany’s related name, of course. Her introduction is naughty with fun wigs and flashy style changes. Tiffany’s smart but stupid and goofy design may be dated to some or retro cool to others, granted, but her over the top jewel thief panache fits the character. If some Bond films are memorable for the villain, then Diamonds Are Forever is mostly memorable for St. John.

Unfortunately, Blofeld’s confusing disguises in Diamonds Are Forever and his Eon film history hinders Charles Gray. The short pre-credit sequence gives no explanation to the changes from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service nor You Only Live Twice if you want to discount Lazenby and by default Telly Savalas as Blofeld – not to mention Gray’s previous role as MI-6 ally Henderson in You Only Live Twice. Audiences who haven’t seen any prior Bond films wouldn’t even know who Blofeld is, much less care about Bond’s off and on pursuit of him. If this generic caper didn’t have to have 007, then it also doesn’t really need Blofeld. Gray keeps the humor going with his incognito womanly style, whiff of kinky, and those wrong pussy jokes, but the back and forth plastic surgery decoys and lookalike switches ruin his performance. It’s also odd to see Blofeld in some simplistic American one-man operation with no real support. This is the head of SPECTRE reduced to some evil old diamond smuggler with an oil rig? Perhaps this over the top, 180 degree disservice to the character and the organization is due to those infamous Kevin McClory legal issues, but if there was going to be that much trouble, other clear cut, no expectations options might have improved Diamonds Are Forever. Sadly, Bruce Glover (Walking Tall) and musician Putter Smith as Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are also all over the place too quirky, not scary, not funny, annoying, and dorky. Obviously, they are gay and this aspect shouldn’t be used for comic relief, but there is also little rhyme or reason to their non-standard henchman pattern. They are with Blofeld, but just shadow everyone with their quips and never outright encounter Bond until the finale. The viewer doesn’t see the match up and knocked out thwarts until after the fact so there’s no real fun in the expected 007 cat and mouse games. Likewise, Lola Larson as Bambi and Trina Parks as Thumper make for an awkward shoehorned in excuse for eye candy that comes across as too butch and unnecessary. 

Thankfully, the MI-6 support makes for some loveable Bond bemusement in Diamonds Are Forever. Desmond Llewelyn has a fun phone call as Q and has a gadget man’s good time in some great casino scenes. Bernard Lee, however, looks somewhat ill or feeble as M and remains seated for his cranky quips with Bond. Lois Maxwell’s brief out of office Moneypenny visit is charming, too, and it’s a wonder why she didn’t pop up in disguise more often during her tenure. Norman Burton (Planet of the Apes) appears as the fourth official Felix Leiter and features well in the plot with his American snark – but his portrayal is again a little left field compared to previous CIA incarnations. Ironically, Lana Wood (Peyton Place) as the relatively pointless Plenty O’Toole may perhaps be the best part of Diamonds Are Forever. She’s looks bosom great in fitting, low cut Bond Girl fashion, and the awesome retorts in her scenes are the most Bondian part of the picture: “Named after your father perhaps?” Deleted scenes featuring O’Toole help clarify the character’s placement, and it might have been interesting to have seen Plenty play both sides of the heist – perhaps replacing Bambi and Thumper for a sexy shakedown – rather than just being some throwaway girl – literally!

Garish purple and oranges schemes, bad yellows, clashing lights – the bevy of boobs in the main titles is fun and the diamond themed designs should be glitz and glamour friendly, yet Diamonds Are Forever’s chic feels too dated and tacky for the most part. Even the aquarium waterbed looks sweet but uncomfortable, and while the lack of fantastic gadgets may appeal to that audience looking for more Bond realism, scenes like that out of this world moon simulation negate any seriousness. The Vegas Strip car chase and up on two wheels action is superb, but sadly it seems like someone left the music off the picture – the inexplicably absent James Bond Theme would have given Diamond Are Forever the extra punch it needed by setting off these pursuit scenes. Fortunately, the kitschy feathers, great explosions, Amsterdam cool, Nevada flair, and ring a ding ding do look simply delightful thanks to this blu-ray revitalization. There’s also a quick nipple in the opening strangle that might not have been seen without this glorious high definition! The cassette mini-MacGuffin will be goofy to younger tech savvy audiences, but it’s back and forth fun is one of the few, um, cheeky bright spots in Diamonds Are Forever – a jump drive in a girl’s bikini bottom just wouldn’t be as bemusing.

Longtime 007 viewers will find Diamonds Are Forever watchable, certainly more so now thanks to the blu-ray edition and all its glory. Camp fans can enjoy the tacky, sure. Newer Bond fans and American caper audiences may love the unintentional humor or appreciate the absent cliché Moore designs, Brosnan spy surrealism, or other Bondisms and perceive Diamonds Are Forever as a seventies action vehicle and nothing more. Unfortunately, the forced, dry satire, confusing plot, and falling flat jokes here are a tough pill to swallow for Fleming fans expecting a return to Connery’s wink, smile, martini, and sophistication. Diamonds Are Forever tried to stand out in what was a difficult time for the franchise. Some of it works, but most of it is too mixed for long-lasting, repeat viewing.

 

 

From Russia with Love

From Russia with Love – What’s Not to Love?

By Kristin Battestella

From the wonderfully simple pre-title sequence fake out and onscreen chess matches to cat and mouse games, suspenseful train bound conversations, and dangerous water escapes, the second 1963 Eon produced James Bond picture From Russia with Love just about has it all.

The mysterious SPECTRE organization’s Number 3 Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya) uses her previous SMERSH position to enlist innocent Soviet clerk Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) in luring MI6 agent 007 James Bond (Sean Connery) to Istanbul, where he will face revenge for his killing of SPECTRE operative Dr. No and unwittingly help destabilize covert global operations in SPECTRE’s favor. Their assassin Red Grant (Robert Shaw) shadows Bond in Turkey while 007 and British ally Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendariz) pursue the stolen and much sought after Lektor decoding machine. Once Tania’s defection and the Lektor are secured, Bond sets off toward England on the Orient Express – but Grant and more SPECTRE accomplices, traps, and intrigue lie in wait…

Dr. No director Terence Young helms this adaptation of Ian Fleming’s fifth Bond novel replete with SMERSH meets SPECTRE debut action and us versus them Cold War intensity from returning screenwriter Johanna Harwood and future franchise writer Richard Maibaum. The opening villainous perspectives and what you don’t see Blofeld implications add a wonderful mirror to the expected MI6 chat with M, quips from Moneypenny, and training or gear from Q. Granted, the Lektor is a typewriter-esque MacGuffin plot point, but its theft and the vengeance over Dr. No keep the action moving amid the Russian, Turkish, and Bulgarian twists and turns. While the pace does drag a touch before the confrontations in Turkey and its tough to tell who is who or who is using whom and what game is being played, that’s also kind of the point of From Russia with Love. Some globe hopping can be confusing as well, but this storyline is relatively linear, allowing for a streamlined pursuit and paired down, mano y mano finish. Blessedly, From Russia with Love is also not of the time Cold War political or dated with heavy debates and analysis and thus remains charming and watchable. Perhaps we take the ease or difficulty of the international travel seen here for granted, but great map overlays and train montages capture Bond’s dangerous European escape. Of course, there’s an underlying innocence and tenderness as Tania is swept up in the SPECTRE intrigue, too, and some gadgets and spy hijinks are simply good fun. Station T is in Turkey, Y in Yugoslavia, archaic cameras are also recording devices, incriminating film is actually film, and a mere smile lets you walk into an enemy embassy right before it’s bombed.

Thanks to From Russia with Love’s slightly Empire Strikes Back villainous leanings, it takes almost 20 minutes for Sean Connery to appear as Bond– fashionably late to his MI6 briefing with his tiny sixties shorts, naturally. This should be a simple assignment for 007, for this time he’s supposed to schmooze the girl and retrieve the Lektor for Queen and Country. Of course, Our Man James leaves dames all over Europe instead – sometimes two at a time – followed by excellent quips, wry delivery, and perfectly timed Bond tunes. Despite a darker more action oriented approach, From Russia with Love has time for barely there towels, saucy bedroom scenes, and girls whose mouths are too big – or just the right size. Connery is swift and smart in the one-on-one wordplay as well as the juicy moments. He’s badass in a fedora and still gets rough and tumble for helicopter dangers and the big speedboat finale. Daniela Bianchi (Dr. Kildare) may provide a more innocent Bond Girl as duped clerk Tatiana Romanova, but her increasing heart for Bond and her eventual questions about the spy system are believable and endearing. Her softness works in the plot and contrasts perfectly with her harsh superior Klebb. Then again, where else would a women meant to seduce Bond meet him but in bed? It’s perfectly understandable that this scene is now used to test prospective Bonds and Bond Girls. Who’s teasing whom and is this really about the romance or the spying? Tania is both deeply entwined in both and yet technically uninvolved or unaware of where SMERSH stops and SPECTRE begins. The audience relates whilst going along for the ride thanks to charming if dubbed dialogue, just enough skin, and post-innuendo cigarette smoking.

By contrast, Robert Shaw (Jaws) matches Bond toe for toe as the largely silent and bleached cold SPECTRE henchman Red Grant. Where Bond is often a little too upfront about his spy game, Grant slowly and steadily works behind the scenes to achieve his employer’s means. I don’t want to spoil From Russia with Love for the few viewers who haven’t seen it, but Grant’s antithesis appearance adds wonderful tension – especially because this slick, enemy workman is so deadly, gritty, and realistically based instead of like the franchise’s later, more fantastically hung up evil associates. Unlike the usual Bondian formula where half the picture is spent with near miss henchmen or sexy villainesses before over the top socials and meet and greets with the quirky Big Bad, Grant sprinkles From Russia with Love with his own assassination motivations and even a little out 007ing 007. Likewise, SPECTRE and their numbered agents add to the MI6 gone bad rivalry with Lotte Lenya’s (The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone) Number 3 Rosa Klebb. The ex-SMERSH gal is crusty, unforgiving, but bizarrely motherly and latently lecherous toward Tania. It’s everything a Bond Girl isn’t, and it’s simply glorious! 

Fortunately, the rest of the supporting players add more fun and trivia to From Russia with Love. SPECTRE’s Number 1 a.k.a. Blofeld is simply credited with a “?”, and Eunice Gayson makes her second and final appearance as Sylvia Trench – the would-be perpetually interrupted girlfriend of James Bond. Although this debut appearance is brief, Desmond Llewelyn is called by his proper Boothroyd name rather than as the “Q” we would come to know and love. Lois Maxwell has some cute moments as Moneypenny – and I do so love a good hat toss! – but Bernard Lee is perfectly stuffy as her M boss, too. Pedro Armendariz (Fort Apache), however, is suave, cool, loyal, and bittersweet in his final performance as Istanbul chief Kerim Bey. He has some of the Bondian lady love, too, and From Russia with Love provides a nice helping of bikini clad women, gals in sassy frocks, and ladies in uniform. Be they friend, foe, or mere eye candy, these Bond Girls speak in numerous languages or accents and gasp, even advance the plot along with the titular foreign flair. The fight for her man gypsy camp girls do seem slightly stereotypical or dare I say it, pointless, but I’m sure some men would argue belly dancing is practically required in a 007 picture. Thankfully, the lady dubbing in From Russia with Love is also reasonable and not nearly as obvious or ridiculous as some subsequent Bond productions.

Well, 007 certainly has a loaded briefcase in From Russia with Love – literally! Nicely confined sets, hotel rooms, and train cars keep the plot personal, intimate, and dangerous along with hand-to-hand, close quartered combat and hidden knives. Some of the fights don’t have any spectacular finishes per say, only a quip or two from Bond, but these largely rough and silent battles seem more deadly – you know, the way real spies probably do it! Of course, there’s still plenty of room for fast paced truck chases, helicopter pursuits, and fiery aquatic stand offs. I waited to re-watch From Russia with Love so I could see again for the first time on blu-ray, but Netflix was always playing the waiting game with it. Fortunately, I received the limited edition blu-ray set Bond 50: The Complete 23 Film Collection for Christmas, and From Russia with Love looks magical indeed! No obvious lines mar the backdrops and matte shots, the nighttime gypsy raid photography is just right, and the color is somehow revitalized in de-saturated, made to look old perfection. Miniatures and set interiors blend seamlessly with stunning real locations such as Istanbul and Venice while the Orient Express train scenery is perfectly lit. Brief SPECTRE super villain yachts and island fortresses establish enemy might and power, and that shaking belly dancing and whole lot of fringe in the fun main title design anchors the colorful, sexy innuendo. Those opening credits and their neon flair don’t need much else, and the titular song with vocals by Matt Monro is smartly used as radio romance music within the film along with the swanky, perfectly placed John Barry orchestration, the new 007 mix, and the expected James Bond Theme. Commentaries and trailers are usually a given when it comes to video special features, but Ian Fleming treats, storyboards, character breakdowns, and more behind the scenes fun put the spit and polish on From Russia with Love’s delightful blu-ray release.

Defections, double agents, double crossings, global intrigue, dalliances for good and ill –almost all the clichés and patterns we expect in a Bond picture originate with From Russia with Love. Sure, the poison shoe dagger is reaching and has become the likes of Austin Powers parody gold. However, if that’s as fantastical as From Russia with Love gets, then I’m not complaining. Audiences who have dismissed the franchise over the years or think they dislike the gadgets and excess of what is the seemingly typical Bond design of the later Moore or Brosnan eras should also give From Russia with Love a fresh chance. This is a complete, all around action picture from start to finish for mainstream thriller fans and there’s nothing not to love for Bond Lovers.