Aliens Guest Podcast

 

It's been a difficult summer - one of the toughest I can recall - yet I was determined to keep my recording date with the Greatest Movies of All Time Podcast to chat about one of my favorites, Aliens! 

You can listen or watch this anniversary revisit episode and don't forget to also check out GMOAT's Cinema Legacy Poll, in which I also had a small contribution among the cinephile and podcast community.

Browse more Podcast episodes and revisit past appearances including:

The Searchers

Ben-Hur

Women InSession 2025

Tales from the Crypt Season 5

Star Studded Tales from the Crypt Season 5 Remains Memorable

by Kristin Battestella

The Fall 1993 Fifth Season of Tales from the Crypt is a star studded season full of familiar faces and frights to remember beginning with Tim Curry (Clue) and Ed Begley, Jr. (She-Devil) in “Death of Some Salesmen.” Our unscrupulous cemetery plot salesman snoops in the obituaries, preying on old widows like Yvonne De Carlo (The Munsters) with a rural, door to door con as the humorous winks, overalls, and southern gentility contrast the risque sex, bloody secrets, and murderous traps. Headless revelations offer a quirky, if disturbing grain of truth on swindling salesmen getting what they deserve, but the revolting comeuppance had both me and my husband gagging and laughing at the same time. Our Crypt Keeper host is taking calls on KDOA Radio as Hector Elizondo (Chicago Hope) suspects young wife Patsy Kensit (Full Eclipse) of having an affair in director Kyle Maclachlan's (Twin Peaks) “As Ye Sow.” Unfortunately, Adam West's (Batman) upscale surveillance firm says she does nothing but go to church everyday – to a controversial priest tossed from his last parish. Debates on the church as living organ, throbbing with his flock in his arms provide juicy winks as the power of suggestion has our paranoid husband fearing betrayal and jumping to the wrong conclusion. An unreliable point of view imaging what's going on in the confessional makes for a controversial mix of sacrilegious horror, but it's cheaper to hire hit men than get a divorce. War photographers Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire) and Roger Daltry (Highlander: The Series) likewise fight over Lysette Anthony (Dracula: Dead and Loving It) in “Forever Ambergris” while The Keeper himself shoots for Vicghoulia's Secret. Anything can happen during this Central America assignment, and villages contaminated with germ warfare create an elevated dramatic mood amid macho guns versus the camera, mercenaries, and screaming convulsions. Bubbling flesh, oozing blood, squishing eyeballs – what's a little imbued chemicals once you steal the award winning photographs and get the girl?

In “Two for the Show” bored, adulterous wife Traci Lords (Cry Baby) wants more passion. However, her husband is worried her leaving will make him look bad at the corporate banquet, leading to strangulation, scissors, knife play, and stuffing the body into a bedside chest even if it just won't fit. Suspicious cops, dismemberment, and a heavy suitcase provide suspense with shades of Hitchcock in the overhead parallels and two shots of men on a train hypothetically debating about killing their wives. The crime has already been committed, yet there's a classy, potboiler tense to the garbage disposal twists. Of course, the audience is on trial with the barrister wig wearing 'Honorable Judge Crypt Keeper' presiding over “House of Horror” as Wil Wheaton (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Kevin Dillon (Entourage), Brian Krause (Sleepwalkers), and more eighties teens are all grown up and trying to join the fraternity with paddles, humiliation, kneeling, and scrubbing dog poo with a toothbrush. The sister house is here for their final initiation at a haunted fraternity house with a murderous past, and one by one the plebs must make it to the attic with all the tricks, gags, screams, chainsaws, and turnabouts along the way. Assistant Maryam d'Abo (Bond Girls Are Forever) is unhappy when magician Billy Zane's (Dead Calm) show isn't a success in “Well Cooked Hams.” While The Crypt Keeper is taking French lessons for his trip to 'gay Scaree,' the turn of the century magic scene is cutthroat and our magician will kill to get ahead when not stealing the Box of Death trick from fellow hunchback illusionist Martin Sheen (The West Wing). Inserted knives, sulfuric acid, burning ropes, and handcuffs add to the magic rivalry and period mood as the disguises, reflections, and smoke and mirrors leave the audience screaming. The difference, you see, is in not when the crowd is aware of the ruse but when they actually believe it. Slick Anthony Michael Hall (The Breakfast Club) tries to outwit the mummy legends and sacrificed princesses in “Creep Course,” however his attempt to steal the mid-term answers leads to statues, tombs, torches, and a sarcophagus from the professor's private collection – courtesy of some grave robbing family history. The jocks versus academia double crossing twists provide gross embalming techniques, through the nose icky, and projectile vomiting for a fun atmosphere with good old fashioned wrappings in contemporary mummy spins.

Big CK is a flight attendant on Tales from the Crypt Scarelines for “Came the Dawn,” but the bimbo in the bathroom and the bloody ax murderer have other dismembering ideas. Good thing suave in his Porsche Perry King (Melrose Place) picks up broke down Brooke Shields (The Blue Lagoon), taking her to his cabin on a stormy night – after stopping for oysters and champagne, of course. Medieval décor with executioner artifacts and weapons accent opera, fireside candlelit dinners, and jewels. Unfortunately, tales of adultery begat black stockings bondage interrupted by an ex-girlfriend shouting at the door. Wise Tales from the Crypt viewers will figure out what's happening easily thanks to taxidermy and ladies clothing in the closet. However, that obvious doesn't make the revealing attacks any less chilling. Con artist couple Lou Diamond Phillips (La Bamba) and Priscilla Presley (Dallas) dig up their buried alive cohort and the money with him in “Oil's Well That Ends Well” – a fellow con who happens to be the man behind the Crypt Keeper John Kassir in his only onscreen Tales from the Crypt appearance. She wants another con and shows her authority at the rowdy bar, taking on the nasty boys with a great speech on how strong women are called bitches, screwed, fucked, and screwed again. Oil claims help swindle the local rednecks into drilling under the graveyard, with explosions and self-referential quips setting off the who's screwing whom. More bemusing dialogue mixed with suspense and surreal shootouts elevate “Till Death Do We Part.” Although this is another crime drama and love triangle more about violence than horror, gigolo John Stamos (Full House) and mob dame Eileen Brennan (Clue) provide diamonds, dice, jazz clubs, and saucy betrayals – leading to limos in the woods with guns, bodies in the trunk, rubber aprons, and axes. Crook Robert Picardo (Star Trek: Voyager) is just so polite in making the vomiting, fainting lady stand up and watch the quartering! Our KRPT sportscaster Crypt Keeper, meanwhile, is on the radio with the World Scaries featuring the Fright Sox versus the Boo Jays. Which team will keep their winning shriek alive?

This is a short, mostly solid season, however, there are a few less than stellar episodes of Tales from the Crypt such as Ernie Hudson's (Ghostbusters) “Food for Thought” with its carnival warped, saucy dessert metaphors, and perverted quid pro quo abuses between a mind reading couple. The racial implications among the freaks, conjoined twin ladies naked in the shower, illicit fire eater romance, and a jealous girl gorilla make for fiery consequences, yet the revenge is thin, with most of the circus designs just for show. The fourth and ghoul Crypt Keeper quarterback also can't save the uneven crimes in director Russell Mulcahy's (Highlander 2) “People Who Live in Brass Hearses.” Violent ex-con Bill Paxton (Aliens) and simpleton younger brother Brad Dourif (Child's Play) are out for revenge, harassing the suspicious ice cream truck driver before bloody hooks, murderous mishaps, gory gunshots, and safe cracking gone awry. There are some twists, but the sardonic humor and quirky characters can't carry the heist amid unenjoyable outbursts and obnoxiousness. Ghoulish bodies, morgue drawers, and colorful goo open “Half-Way Horrible” and the Keeper is shrinking heads in the dryer at his scare salon while a detective asks Clancy Brown (Highlander) about his chemical company's proprietary ingredients. These rare herbs were of course stolen in the jungle amid tribal drums, native secrets, and zombie rituals. Voodoo dolls come back to haunt the corrupt chemist, and once again it's just rich white guys learning the err of their appropriating ways – told from the sympathetic point of view of said rich white guys. It's not surprising and doesn't make us feel bad when he gets his due. As The Keeper says, 'he needed to learn rot from wrong a little fester.'

Fortunately, old fashioned kitchens, cameo jewelry, and country strings accent the rural settings of these tales again based on Haunt of Fear, Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, Shock SuspenStories, and Crime SuspenStories. Cha-ching money sounds, stormy nights, and other audio bells and whistles set off the vintage video, VCRs, old televisions, giant tape reels, transistor radios, huge ass car phones, and hi tech nineties corporate contrasting the old school noir, file folders, and black and white photographs. Warped camera angles, dark lighting, shadow schemes, and colorful touches keep the on location production values top notch amid effective jungle horrors, gross make up, blood, and disturbing gore. Downtrodden circus tents and lanterns provide golden Victorian patinas while haunted houses and cobwebs create congested scares. Train tensions begat outdoor ominous and penultimate zombie gross, and though front loaded with juicy nudity, later in the season the steamy lingerie isn't as important as the swanky bling, period costumes, or Egyptian motifs. Tales from the Crypt's horror prosthetics really allow the cast per episode to sink their teeth into the role or multiple roles whether playing to or against type. Tales from the Crypt Season Five starts strong with some of the series' finest humor and horror with sardonic sexiness and star studded scares. This shorter year shines with relatively few poor outings – a precursor to today's brief, quickly digestible fall horror and anthology seasons. Tales from the Crypt Season Five is a creepy, fast marathon for Halloween or anytime of year.

Haywire

Haywire Imperfect but a lot of Fun

By Kristin Battestella

Former Marine and private operative Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) is on the run from her hit contractor boss Kenneth (Ewan McGregor) after a failed undercover mission with MI-6 agent Paul (Michael Fassbender) in which she was set up.  As if the global chase and alluding of the local authorities wasn’t bad enough, Spanish contact Rodrigo (Antonio Banderas) and the mysterious G-man Coblenz (Michael Douglas) are also playing sides on the double-crossing spy and mercenary intrigue. Who has framed Mallory? Whom can she trust? As fellow team member and one time lover Aaron (Channing Tatum) pursues Mallory, she races to prove her innocence. Now, if only she could keep her dad John (Bill Paxton) from worrying about the takedown.

Director Steven Soderbergh’s (Erin Brocovich, Traffic, Ocean’s Eleven) recent idea to place Mixed Martial Arts star Gina Carano as the female lead in his action thriller was indeed a smart, unique, and worth a look move. Haywire opens equal to this premise with an intense bar fight and continues the intrigue and spy pacing. Slow motion and black and white uses do add an edge to the fighting setup, but perhaps they are also overused just a bit. We’ve seem so many others cleverly slice and dice towards a badass action scene, and thus the audience expects a certain amount of over the top explosions or nonsensical rah rah thrill a minute something to look at faire. By contrast, Haywire’s action sequences are played in full scope with little dialogue, only faint music, and mostly diegetic sounds. Yes, this fine, heavy, realistic approach will seem dry to those expectant viewers thanks to dialogue problems and a confusing, thin script muddling the action. While it may be part of the point to not know who is who or what side they are on- Who are we to trust? Who is checking up on whom and really doing the two-timing? - some people and events are just seriously unclear.  Private contractors, freelancers, MI-6, corrupt governments- toss in a flashback timeframe and lux global locations and a viewer can get perplexed. It takes some figuring to realize the intercutting frame, and it can all seem tough to chew for a ninety minute yarn.  We aren’t used to this type of highbrow action attempt, after all.

Fortunately, wit, humor, and sardonic stars keep Haywire entertaining. Despite having no acting experience, this is very much Gina Carano’s film. She’s sassy, badass, and yet classy, and Carano does very well as a believable woman who can deliver the lines and the ass kicking. This isn’t Pamela Anderson in Barbed Wire with an itty bitty corset and strategically placed bubble bath.  Such an indulgent film has its purpose, sure; but the fact that Haywire doesn’t treat its heroine as such eye candy is refreshing. Mallory is most definitely capable of getting out of a screwed situation. Carano knows how to fight and no choreography cheats or tricks are taken onscreen. Yes, she’s sexy and attractive, but Mallory is a realistically fit and healthy woman molded more by her sarcasms, skill, and personality.  In fact, the character herself directly objects to being used for looks and arm candy in a dress. And yet does such sense of classic, hip, spy style stop Mallory from doing what needs to be done? Nope.  The audience knows Carano’s can still get beasty in this wardrobe, and it’s all the hotter that Mallory isn’t resorted to using feminine wiles. Although I’m not sure why they felt the need to alter Carano’s voice for the character in postproduction, it is very pleasing to see an actress who is really driving the car and doing a sweet job of it!  The viewer can forgive Haywire’s flaws because Mallory is easy to root for and Carano doesn’t come across as used and abused stunt casting.

As much as some male audiences or empowered female viewers will tune in to Haywire for Carano, there’s plenty of man fun here, too.  Ewan McGregor looks great as always, and he always looks different every time you see him.  His Kenneth is a bit of a weasel, something we may find unexpected after McGregor’s heroic turns in the Star Wars prequels or his vintage heavies like Trainspotting. But Obi-Wan does the sleaze quite smashingly here.  Kenneth is supposedly slick and operative cool, yet he can’t control Mallory or the double bait and switch operation.  He’s desperate, hanging on by a spy thread, and ends up a little under served by the script. McGregor does his best with what ultimately becomes fairly light material, but Kenneth should have been more. Where is the one on one reflection and betrayal and complete history with Mallory? The beachside fight with Carano is well done, even if it feels rushed and ultimately kind of silly.  He gets his foot stuck under a rock, really? McGregor and Michael Fassbender have one fun bar scene, but again, it’s not enough. And speaking of The Fass, his Paul appears too briefly about halfway thru Haywire. This MI-6 man has a hint of RP and looks totally Bondian, I must say.  Bond, Bond, Bond, Bond, Bond!  Paul has the badass equipment, swanky style, and most importantly, knows his own wicked and weaponry. Like his scene stealing turns in Inglourious Basterds and Prometheus, Fassbender’s handling of a cigarette, blowing the smoke, and taking a swig of whiskey makes the audience take notice. Paul’s every gesture and action is a crafty hint of something else in his espionage and subterfuge.  I don’t think he’s here for more than a half hour, but Fassbender’s character is critical in Mallory’s set up and may be the most entertaining man in Haywire. The melee between Carano and Fassbender brings a rough, sexy energy to the picture, and it genuinely looks like his day of work hurt. New lady Fass fans might be disappointed at his smaller appearance here, but die-hard gals will enjoy his “All yours” toweled and shirtless moment. And I must say, it is nice to have men being as disposable and mishandled as the usual Bond Girl types!

Unlike Fassbender’s allure, unfortunately, I can’t say Haywire benefits from the non-existent, dry, spaced out charisma of Channing Tatum. I know everyone is giggly over his and Soderbergh’s Magic Mike right now (How quickly audiences forget the oh so wonderful The Full Monty!) but I see no appeal in anything in which I’ve seen him thus far.  How has he not only lasted in Hollywood, but also gotten bigger? I’m totally miffed. Tatum should be Haywire’s second male lead after McGregor due to his early screen time. However, he’s just completely inferior to everyone else in the show.  The script doesn’t give this Aaron character much, granted, but Tatum’s outplayed by Carano’s zest and sparkle every time he’s onscreen. He drags everything down when he’s enters stage left, and Haywire needs its players’ appeal to keep the picture afloat. It’s the Keanu of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. There’s no reason to care about Aaron one way or the other, and the make out scene with Carano feels totally forced, shoehorned, and useless. The clothed fight scene with Fassbender is much more entertaining.

They aren’t that bad, but Michael Douglas (The Streets of San Francisco, there’s an obscure reference for you!) and Antonio Banderas (must I?) are too brief for their full on cool.  All they do is talk about what is supposed to happen or literally call each other on the phone to argue which is the boss and who’s doing the double talk and double crossing. It’s simply a real waste to have such stars essentially doing voiceovers.  There’s room for intrigue, but the audience expects more intensity ala Traffic, some wheeling, dealing, and face-to-face confrontations. Who wouldn’t love to see Michael Douglas chew out Ewan McGregor for a bit longer than 30 seconds? Haywire might have better served its ensemble had there been a complete road movie or physical chase aspect beyond the death threat by smartphone ploys. Soul searching Mallory cutting from location to location with the crisscrossed pursuers just one step behind. Do these people actually ever meet? When we have antagonists who don’t even see each other, it can leave the battle feeling a tad hollow. Bill Paxton has more to do as Mallory’s dad, but I’m just not ready to see him in such sitting back, fatherly roles. Are we not still watching Aliens and Twister?

Fortunately, the scoring and action fit Haywire’s chic Bond design.  The lighting, blue hues, over-saturated color, or soft candle light dresses the scenery as needed from location to location.  It’s all moody, well lit, and crafty- even if it also feels kind of low end and cheap at the same time.  We also don’t see much of those drive-by locations- just title cards saying where we are allegedly globe trotting.  It’s smart, if obvious. We’re jet setting without actually having any jet setting really taking place- though the Irish locales and snow scenery are sweet fun when we do get them.  Alas, I can’t say the same for those annoying blu-ray rental trailers.  Although the features seem short in comparison to other special video releases- behind the scenes on Carano’s training and MMA history and spotlights on all the boys- there isn’t really any need for more. The menu design and interface is also disagreeable and painful. Just to get to the subtitles was a confusing accomplishment!

Not all audiences or standard action fans will like the highbrow trade off from the expected standard beef action, but Haywire is a step up from the nineties pinnacle of bad action we secretly love.  Haywire wants to be upscale and thoughtful with Bourne edge or Lady Bond style. Sometimes it succeeds and other times it falls into Segal-esque trappings with under developed scripting and low budget, unfinished feelings.  Is Haywire that bad or a film waste? Certainly not.  Could it have been better? Yes.  Thanks to all the big names involved, some viewers will simply see a lot of disappointment.  As is, I’m not sure if there’s room for a Mallory Kane sequel but Carano deserves further film success.  Haywire concludes with an easy, fun ending, and though imperfect, it’s an entertaining escape. Take it for what it is and enjoy the ride as things go Haywire.  

80s Horror and Science Fiction Fears

80s Horrors and Scares Again

By Kristin Battestella

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am a Garbage Pail Kids horror fiend eighties baby after all.

Galaxy of Terror –  This 1981 SF freaky produced by Roger Corman (The Masque of the Red Death) has some fine scary and gory zooms, nice jump out moments, a little bit of fantasy, and some funny tossed in for good measure. The space scenery and creepy ship effects look good, especially decent if you think about how much worse and uber low budget it could have been. Okay, so it’s too dark in some spots, the eighties music is too loud, and the bad laser effects give me a headache. It’s tough to tell who is forgettable who beyond Erin Moran (Happy Days) and Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street), the controls look like Simon, and the creature effects are quite the hokey.  Having said all that, the creepy and freaky works!  Contemporary audiences might not like the rapacious nasties, psychological fears, and disturbing body horror if they haven’t seen this one before, but it still works damn fine and better than predictable modern slashers.

My Bloody Valentine – There’s more forgettable 1981 interchangeable hokey hicks here- but this time all the juicy gore, unique deaths, and claustrophobic dangers are in a great labyrinthine mine inhabited by a pickaxe wielding killer.  The re-inserted deadly details are shocking and sweet, with interesting or askew camerawork, kink, and mystery. However, the scenes are unrestored and noticeably out of place- making a tough viewing for some audiences who expect a bit more polish on blu-ray.  Naturally due to the titular Valentine plot twists, I’m not so sure this is a good October or Halloween-esque film.  Then again, we could all use a little freaky in our February, for sure. I must say I did predict the killer’s identity before the finale, but it was dang entertaining in getting there nonetheless.

Near Dark – Oscar winning director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) also co-wrote this cult cowboy-esque and unique 1987 vampire tale starring Adrian Pasdar (Heroes), Jenny Wright (St. Elmo’s Fire), Bill Paxton (Aliens), Lance Henriksen (Aliens), Jenette Goldstein (Aliens), and Joshua John Miller (he’s the kid brother in Teen Witch!). Granted the Southern eighties style may seem dated or too country to some. However, this is quite the stylized show, with a serious look at nomadic vampire rites of passage and dangerous family drama.  There’s even room for humor, sardonic fun, and a little romance, too.  Traditional vampire bits are here- though in unexpected ways- and there is plenty of blood, gruesome, fire, and deaths. Yet this isn’t all gore and bite juice for the sake of it, rather most of the meat is handled by twisted performance alone.  It’s subtle, sexy, and the blu-ray looks great.

Swamp Thing – There’s a great story here from the DC Comics plots- all kinds of kinky, monster innuendo, power debates, sociological statements, and demented science.  I do, however, expect a little more polish from director Wes Craven (Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream), as the photography and editing presentation hampers this most. Despite the serious relationships onscreen, numerous and disjointed fade ins or weird slide transitions make this feel like a series of action incidents rather than a cohesive tale. Thankfully, the swampy water and South Carolina locations work wonderfully, and Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog), Ray Wise (Twin Peaks), and the late Dick Durock (also of the Swamp Thing TV series) are a lot of fun. Though he appears to have never been in anything else, Reggie Batts is also a scene-stealing treat as the sarcastic Jude. We can believe Barbeau as the smart, sexy woman who can handle herself, as well- just that dang 1982 mini afro mullet combo hair does not work. Louis Jourdan (Octopussy) is also mustache twisting villainy sweet, even if the monster make-up and the action finale is quite hokey.  Fortunately, the uncut version is currently available on Netflix’s Instant Watch, complete with boobs a plenty.  And really, I’m so, so tired of forthcoming 3D remakes!

The Thing – Director John Carpenter (Halloween, Christine) mixes alien fears, scary isolation, dangerous locations, miscommunications, mistrust, suspicion, and more in this 1982 science fiction freaky.  In some of the hectic scenes, it may be tough to tell who is who in the all-male cast, yes. But stars Kurt Russell (Escape from New York), Keith David (Platoon), and Wilfred Brimley (Cocoon, or rather, The Quaker Oats Guy) build all the paranoia necessary. Everyone is afraid of not just the titular menacing getting in, but also of letting it out into the populated world- which is exactly what it wants. Maybe some of the effects are corny today, but the gore also looks gruesome good whilst also being realistic or bizarrely well thought.  Jumps and scares, of the time restrictions, little technology to help, and a jury-rigged compound add to the horror, too. And again, I’m not interested in the remake. Why, oh why, oh why would anyone be?

Pathetic Action Movies We Love

Pathetic Action Flicks We Love

By Kristin Battestella

There are those dynamite, effects laden and car chased filled blockbuster action thrillers of which we just can’t get enough.  Story, performance, and the whole lot- honestly, what’s not to love?  However, we’re not talking about those gems today.  Admit it.  You have been up at 2 a.m. watching some crappy-ass, low budget, dated yarn that you’ve got no business of viewing once-let alone ten times.  My friends, celebrate these woefully badass bad action flicks unashamed!

Chain of Command – I’ve only recently stumbled upon this 2000 political thriller thanks to its seemingly ceaseless runnings on cable.  The cast is a-okay, if too nineties.  Roy Scheider (Jaws) as a slick President-to-be I can accept, cool as cool Michael Biehn (The Terminator), too- but our hero is Melrose Place and Starship Troopers sleaze Patrick Muldoon? Huh?  The scenario is a little too preposterous, too, and the production values are way too low budget.  And yet, there’s enough credibility, believability, acting, and suspense here for a half decent yarn.  Who knew?

Cobra – Sylvester Stallone has had a few greats, yes indeed, but this 1986 vehicle written by Sly and starring his then woman Brigitte Nielson is neither Rocky nor Rocky IV for that matter. The sunglasses, the car, the silly names, oh my the music and bad punch lines-Cobra is almost in a class by itself: the so dated, so eighties, so bad it’s so dang good.  At least Nielson was truly eye candy back then, and who’s really going to %^&* with Stallone, people?

Double Impact – I could just as easily cite any of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s flicks: Death Warrant, Sudden Death, Lionheart, or perhaps the slightly superior Universal Soldier or Nowhere to Run. Impact however, has the dubious distinction of using the oldest action film trick in the book. This isn’t a buddy cop movie, oh no-it’s long lost identical twin brothers from opposite sides of the martial arts! Despite the cliché, Van Damme actually gives his dual roles some personality and separation. Of course, he kicks ass and gets the girl, too, but that was to be expected- along with the French accent, Asian stereotypes, and revenge-fu.

Navy Seals – Charlie Sheen has made his share of clunkers, I grant you that, but this 1990 typical military ‘up to snuff’ flick is pretty notorious, even garnering debate and disdain in Clerks.  Despite a half decent cast including resident action boys Michael Biehn (again) and Bill Paxton, this ridiculously obvious flick has so many bad turns that it’s actually fairly entertaining.  I probably still have all the dialogue memorized, and if there’s a drinking game, email me.

 

  

 The Rookie (1990) – This cop thriller from star Clint Eastwood is almost so bad it’s good.  It’s completely preposterous and again Charlie Sheen is not at his best, but the one-liners here are so dang kitschy that they’re catchy.  The all-star cast-including juicy Raul Julia and dominatrix Sonia Braga- are surprisingly good even if we’re at the bottom of Eastwood’s directing barrel.  Dirty Harry himself is a little too old for the action, but that’s supposed to be the point, isn’t it? Fans of the cast, bad buddy cop movies, and car chases can always delight in this one.

 

Showdown in Little Tokyo – There’s a certain je ne sais quoi about a movie that unabashedly shows a dummy getting crushed in a car compactor, not to mention all the women and sushi quips and penis size jokes one could ask for.  Dolph Lundgren (star of his share of bad movies like Masters of the Universe) and the late Brandon Lee (also unfortunate star of a few clunkers like Rapid Fire and really only one great film in his too short career, The Crow) do the obvious buddy role reversal here with all things Fu Lundgren and L.A. yuppie Lee.   Tia Carrere and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa juice up all the good, bad, and ugly here, even if every single thing in this one is so unintentionally funny that it’s actually a joy to watch. 

Toy Soldiers – Bad boys Sean Astin (that’s Samwise, folks) and Will Wheaton (Wesley Crusher, need I say more?) are going to save their prep school from seriously angry, armed, and deadly terrorists.  Yeah right!  Once you take that considerable leap of faith, get over the obligatory bonding with spiked fluoride, and accept the obvious attempt at colorblind casting, this one is kind of fun.  The cast is both good and bad, the delinquent preppy boys really aren’t so badass at all, and yet you want to see Samwise save the day and help Frodo destroy the ring. Oh, sorry, wrong movie!

Now then, I was also going to mention a few films starring kick boxer turned SyFy Channel boy toy Olivier Gruner.  However, those yarns are a little more science fiction than pure action; and in the end I decided to classify Nemesis (1992) and the not available on DVD Automatic (1995) as hidden gems, not pathetic action flicks.  Don’t get me wrong, I actually love every movie I’ve mentioned here, I even own them.  How bad is that?

Aliens

Special Edition of Aliens A Must
By Kristin Battestella

Only a handful of sequels are equal to if not better than their predecessors. Although James Cameron’s 1986 sequel to Alien isn’t quite the same caliber as The Empire Strikes Back or The Godfather Part II, Aliens is a must see science fiction classic in its own right, regardless of its place in the Alien Legacy.

Ridley Scott's 1979 original Alien was technically a horror movie in space-complete with all the shocks and suspense of a psychological thriller. Despite the special effects, in Alien it's what you don’t' see that makes it exceptional. With the 1986 sequel, however, James Cameron's crafty movie making sets up a thrills and chills action flick that has a story to boot. Long before his over ambitious Titanic, Cameron was making history.

Sigourney Weaver reprises her role as Ellen Ripley, but after 56 years drifting in space, Ripley is all but a basket case. Bad enough, but the only person interested in her situation is Corporate sleaze Carter Burke, played devilishly by Mad About You Star Paul Reiser. Burke convinces Ripley to return to LV-426 with a group of Space Marines, but not just one alien has infiltrated the Terraforming colony. Ripley has to battle it out with the infamous Alien Queen and all her minions.

The Special Edition DVD of Aliens-available individually or in The Alien Legacy Set-includes 17 minutes of restored footage. These additional moments refine the movie and cap off a film that was already one of the best science fiction flicks since Star Wars. The restored footage highlights Ripley's trouble with the Corporation and showcases her lost daughter. Ripley left for space when she was 11, and now Ripley learns her daughter has grown up, married, and died. Instead of destroying Ripley, this extra storyline strengthens and solidifies Ripley's later attachment to little alien survivor Newt (Carrie Henn).

James Cameron often uses the same actors in his blockbusters. Terminator alumni Michael Biehn and Lance Henriksen round out the Aliens cast as Corporal Hicks and the android Bishop. The relationships Ripley develops with both men mirror her strength inside and out. After her betrayal by an android in the first film, Ripley’s respect and trust in Bishop is a significant step, as is her relationship with Hicks. They flirt, he shows her how to use weapons, early on Hicks protects Ripley and Newt. In a perfect world these three outsiders could be a unified family, but if in space no one can hear you scream, the odds are definitely against them.

In addition, fans are treated to bits and pieces of the Sulaco, extended scenes on LV-426, and a special speech from Hudson as played by Bill Paxton. Jennette Goldstein (who later appeared in Terminator 2) is also treated with more dialogue for no-nonsense Private Vazquez. Another storyline skillfully restored after being left on the cutting room floor shows repaired robot sentries repelling several alien attacks. These sequences add extra time to the movie, but they also add depth and intelligence to the love-to-hate Xenomorph. Now instead of one big assault, we see the trial and error and brain power of the aliens. Not only do they have acid for blood, but now the aliens are smart-and that’s frightening. As Hudson says, “They cut the power!”. Details like these give the creatures a life of their own and help a movie seemingly about marines versus slime outlast the competition- 20 years and three sub par sequels later.

The stellar theatrical release of Aliens was a blockbuster success and garnered critical acclaim for its production, direction, and acting. The uninitiated need not see the original film in order to enjoy Aliens, but the extra material is worth a look from naysayers. Cameron’s extra footage goes beyond human good, alien bad. 17 minutes can go a long way in adding character to an action movie that already carried a level of seriousness. Without the popularity of Aliens and its subsequent rise to cult status, the still quality but inferior Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, and the fan boy Alien vs Predator would not have been made.

Although the Special Edition of Aliens has been available on DVD for some time, it’s never to late to add a must have to your collection. Parts may be too scary for kids, and high tech fans might find a few of Stan Winston’s creatures a tad hokey, but the Special Edition of Aliens is more than worth the trip to your favorite retailer. Die Hards will definitely pay the price of admission-if they haven't done so already.