Witchy Films

Which Witch is the Right Witchy Movie?

By Kristin Battestella

Though often woefully inaccurate with a potion of pointy hats, warts, and broomsticks- there’s something, well…magical about a good dose of cinematic witch-ware and brouhaha.

The Craft – High school and witchcraft oh my! Boys Breckin Meyer (Clueless) and especially Skeet Ulrich (Scream) are totally lame, but gals Robin Tunney (Empire Records, Prison Break), Neve Campbell (Party of Five, Wild Things), Rachel True (Half & Half), and a crazy good Farizku Balk (Valmont) are still cool. Yes, the music is the same as 1998 sexy witch successor Charmed.  However, even with the nineties smorgasbord of cast and ideas; the supernatural effects are still sweet, and the girls don’t look super ‘96 in the moment bad fashions thanks to the school uniform stylings.  Some of the ‘back on you’ scenes are indeed scary, too- especially if you have a problem with snakes. The wonderful Assumta Serna (Sharpe) and cruel Christine Taylor (The Brady Bunch) round out the light versus dark misuses as well. What girl hasn’t wished ill on the clique wicked or played light as a feather stiff as a board? I’m not sure how accurately portrayed the titular practices are onscreen, but the appreciation here is more intelligent, mature, and consequential than lighthearted broomstick fair. Sophisticated ladies can still enjoy and boys will love the legal jiggle.

Warlock – Let’s toss in Julian Sands (A Room with a View, Rose Red, Boxing Helena) and this 1989 time traveling scare fest for some juicy- nay badass-equal opportunity magic produced by Roger Corman (House of Usher).  Director Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part 2 and Part 3) does great with the colonial Massachusetts backdrop and carries the demonic mayhem into the eighties with so bad its good style from Lori Singer (Footloose, Fame, or as I simply say, Marc Singer’s sister). Meanwhile, fish out of water witch hunter Richard E. Grant (Bram Stoker’s Dracula) tries to thwart Big W from assembling an evil book that will uncreate existence. Yowza!  Some of the script speaketh from writer David Twohy (The Fugitive, G.I. Jane) is a little tough and the aforementioned datedness hinders some of the design and action, but of a sweeter titular man-witch, there is none- except for the lower in quality but just as kinky Warlock: The Armageddon (1993).

The Witches (1966) – This Hammer Horror wicked fest is chock full of tribal gone awry, polite but suspiciously Stepford townsfolk, creepy grandmas, and obligatory black cats. Let’s admit the effects and finale ritual are hokey, sure.  However, there are a few great shocker moments here along with swift editing and booming music to match the scares.  The mix of seemingly upscale rural England, witchdoctor mayhem, lovely locales, and on form sixties fashion designs work wonderfully as well.  Unfortunately, some may be very wigged out by a bloodless and tame but nonetheless disturbing rabbit butchering.  Again, the mystery unravels a bit in the end, but the debate of youth- too old to play with dolls but none of that naughty naughty with each other!- is doubly interesting along with what else is behind the schoolyard sinister: “A Sabbath, a meeting, an orgy perhaps.”  Naturally, classic Oscar dame Joan Fontaine (Suspicion, Rebecca) in her big screen swansong looks lovely, adds the film’s glue and sophistication, and most importantly doesn’t treat her horror ingénue as if the part was merely some two-bit paycheck. While we always expect such a thespian to put in her all, we don’t expect someone like be-frocked Joan Fontaine to get muddy or down with the bloody ritual. Bubble, cauldron, bubble! A ‘The World of Hammer: Wicked Women’ half hour treat on the DVD was sweet, too.

The Witches of Eastwick-  The all star cast- including Cher (Moonstruck), Michelle Pfeiffer (The Fabulous Baker Boys), Jack Nicholson (The Shining), Susan Sarandon (Dead Man Walking), Veronica Cartwright (Alien), and Carel Struycken (The Addams Family)- looks a little eighties bad fashions and big hair, yes. Granted director George Miller (Mad Max) is little slow to start things until the wicked and deliciously sent up Nicholson lights up the town, and yes, the fun comes a little undone for the big finish. But the ladies look damn great and the fun is a little too naughty for younger audiences, meow!  Though the subtitles don’t exactly match the witty dialogue, the dark comedy and ham up style are just right.  The tennis match, balloons, and poolside delights are all downright silly, yet it’s refreshing that the raunchy and good fun is in what is said, not what is actually shown. Take hint bad modern slasher remakes! There’s room for sexual subtext, demented imagination, and moral insights into the battle of the sexes here, and Sarandon’s buttoned up cellist gets, uh, very passionate about her music!

One Potentially Bad Brew

Spellbinder – Though I don’t like Kelly Preston (Twins, or rather John Travolta’s woman who was once shot by Charlie Sheen), am mostly indifferent to Tim Daly (Wings), and Rick Rossovich almost always says cheese about a film (Yes there’s Top Gun and The Terminator, but Pacific Blue anyone?)- this 1988 witch in love shtick is only half bad if you can get passed the leads. Of course, the styles are low eighties dated and the story is slow to start as it gets right to the bedroom kink- naughty but tame and almost nudeless kink- before anything else begins. The cultish mystery becomes much more interesting when director Janet Greek (Babylon 5) gets scary away from the no-chemistry fronts.  Seriously concerned secretary Diana Bellamy (Popular) and for once a good guy cop Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (Showdown in Little Toyko) and the warnings they provide are far more tantalizing, as is Audra Lindley (Mrs. Roper on Three’s Company!) as the creepy Mrs. White. The ‘pagan is evil’ portrayal is too heavy handed and Preston’s Valley delivery ruins the exposition of it all, but the coven scares and rituals ala The Wicker Man are perhaps juicy enough to keep this watchable for a late night alone.

For more magical mayhem see our previous insights on...

Practical Magic 

I Married a Witch 

Bell Book and Candle

Hex 

Dark Shadows 

Buffy 

The Witches (1990)  

Teen Witch

Harry Potter

Merlin

Mists of Avalon

The Wicker Man (2006)

Whew!

Harvest Haunts to See and Skip

Harvest Haunts and More

By Kristin Battestella

Since it’s never too early to start watching spooky movies in the Halloween spirit, here’s a list of what to snuggle up with this autumn and what to avoid like cemeteries at midnight-unless you’re into that sort of thing, of course.

See

House of Usher (2006) - For a classic horror fan, little can compare to the 1960 Corman staple House of Usher.  New interest in all things Poe has however brought new remakes and takes on his macabre tales, and believe it or not, this 2006 The House of Usher wasn’t that bad. There are some good plot differences from director Hayley Cloake (Tease, Thump).   It’s creepy, yet sexy thanks to stars Izabella Miko (Coyote Ugly, Clash of the Titans) and Austin Nichols (One Tree Hill, Friday Night Lights). Beth Grant (Delta, Speed, Rock Star, Donnie Darko) as the scene stealing Nurse Thatcher also adds to the suggestion, eerie styles, and gothic feel. It’s modern and updated, yet old school and in the spirit of Poe.  Now it’s on to the fancy 3D adaptation!

Tales from the Crypt (1972) – This precursor to the anthology series has five star-studded vignettes, including a disturbing Christmas scene with Joan Collins (Dynasty) and Ian Hendry (The Avengers) in a dangerous adulterous getaway.  Peter Cushing (Star Wars, The Horror of Dracula), creepy crypt keeper Ralph Richardson (Time Bandits), Robin Hood Richard Greene, and Patrick Macgee (A Clockwork Orange) delight as well. Unlike today’s effects over-fest, director and Oscar winner Freddie Francis (Glory, The Elephant Man) keeps things largely silent, letting the creepy catacombs and twisted tales build up and progress on their mystery, suggestion, and scares. Yes there are a few jump worthy moments, and the dated seventies style only adds to the spooky atmosphere.  Perhaps there’s not a lot of rewatch value, but stick this one in amid your favorite Halloween anthology series for some old school scares. 

The Uninvited (1944) – Future Oscar winner Ray Milland (The Lost Weekend) and Nominee Ruth Hussey (The Philadelphia Story) delight in this quintessential black and white spookfest from director Lewis Allen (Bonanza, The Unseen).  Somehow, I feel this one is now unloved by the modern audience-especially in light of the also named but unrelated 2009 The Uninvited, itself a remake of a 2003 Asian horror flick.  No confusion here, however, thanks to the Oscar nominated cinematography.  The positive and negative use of candles, scary moaning, groaning sounds-the simple smoke and mirrors of early film production does wonders.  In addition to all the mood, atmosphere, and suspense, the young and tragic Gail Russell (Angel and the Badman) is as charming as Cornelia Otis Skinner (The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing) is creepy and subliminally kinky. Without thinking, I erased this one from my DVR; and since it’s not available on DVD, I’ve been kicking myself since. 

Wolf – Though this 1994 lycan tale from Oscar winning director Mike Nichols (The Graduate, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Silkwood) is imperfect with its fair share of plot holes and unanswered questions, I like it.  Face it; this is the best, if not the only, mature wolf movie around.  Thanks to the sarcastic and witty performances by Jack Nicholson (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Chinatown, The Shining) and the rest of the all-star cast, Wolf smartly doesn’t take itself too seriously.  The beguiling Michelle Pfeiffer (Scarface, The Fabulous Baker Boys), a wonderfully disturbing James Spader (sex, lives, and videotape, Boston Legal), the charming Christopher Plummer (The Sound of Music, The Moneychangers), and plenty more on form supporting players are allowed to have their fun.  These are all great, big names one wouldn’t usually see in any old horror movie, either.  There’s even a good bit of scares and kinky violence here-especially on an initial viewing.  Some of the effects are hokey now, but others are very well done with fine spooky build-ups.  Despite plotting faults and a little confusion, there’s more good than bad in Wolf.  Multiple viewings are even in order to catch all of the subliminal suggestions.

Split

The Amityville Horror (1979) – The horror, scares, and fright fest from director Stuart Rosenberg (Cool Hand Luke) are all still there, and I love it.  Even the old looks and seventies styles aren’t so dated, just more nostalgic and period now.  However, it seems like out of all the other numerous sequels and direct to video drivel that follows, this original starring the fine Margot Kidder (Superman) and eerily on form James Brolin (Westworld) is too close to the real life circumstances that started the franchise.  Was this independent blockbuster made purely to capitalize on the scandalous book that was in turn highlighting the sketchy true story that started it all? Separate the supposed paranormal facts or hoax talk from the behind the scenes, and then you can enjoy this fine demonic haunted house in all its glory.  Likewise, we favorably reviewed the 2005 remake.  Again, take away the talk of Indian burial grounds and just scare us silly and we’re a okay. 

Haunted – Aidan Quinn (Legends of the Fall) and Kate Beckinsale (Underworld) shine in director Lewis Gilbert’s (The Spy Who Loved Me) great English locales and post World War I period piece decoration and styles.  There are plenty of fine but disturbing performances from Anthony Andrews (The Scarlet Pimpernel) and Sir John Gieland (Becket), too. Haunted has its share of creepy and kinky- both good and bad by design, nasty stuff.  Beckinsale fans will love to hate spotting her nude body double, too.  There are even a few genuine spooks and scares and though obvious throughout, the film is entertaining for the most part.  However, there simply aren’t enough scares for what’s supposed to be a good old haunted house ghost story.  There’s no mood and things are not as atmospheric as they should be.  Despite the lovely cast and wonderful locations, it’s as though we’ve seen this all before- namely in The Others.

Rogue -   This 2007 crocodile thriller has a great premise and fine acting from Radha Mitchell (Pitch Black) and Michael Vartan (Alias). Sam Worthington (Avatar) fans (of which I am not) will enjoy seeing his jerky performance, too. Writer and director Greg McLean (Wolf Creek) adds a tight, contained, ticking clock to the lush, exotic, and foreign cinematography.  The audience is hooked as things turn dark and dangerous- the issues among the stranded and perilous ship‘s crew build as our crocodile gets his chance in the spotlight. Its man against himself, man against nature, and man against man all in one- the tide is rising and time is running out!  And then….well, the silly and stupefied ending here kind of undoes all the goodness.  The viewer is asked to suspend belief one too many times for too preposterous an outcome.  Is the overall goodness worth the ill-conceived conclusion or does the finale undo all?

Skip

The Descent – Okay, so I don’t really know who the girls in this 2005 spelunking adventure are- but they are not the problem.  A stereotypical yet somehow refreshing group, yes, but the individualism and back-stories are acceptable enough. I suspect there’s plenty of ogle and subtext value for interested audiences, too.  The caves are also creepy and this is a dangerous sport after all- so why did director Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers) have to resort to glowing cave mutants?  There’s enough internal strife and issues to mix in with the peril of falling rocks, being trapped or injured, and all that unknown caving.  Let our gals go bad and have their own hysteria do them in; we could still have a serious horror movie without rock people. Most of this film gets it right, but the deus ex machina of the creepy crawlies and open ending for the sequel tire the positive strides.   

Hide and Seek - Even Robert DeNiro (Casino) and Dakota Fanning’s (Man on Fire) battle of wits can’t save this familial thriller. Toss in Famke Janssen (X-Men) and Elisabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas) and we’ve still got the same old, same old suggestive psychological thriller. It’s tragic wasting such a fine cast on this supposedly scary evil imaginary friend but there’s a twist yadda yadda story. They couldn’t even decide on an ending here- there are count ‘em five on the DVD!

More Family Friendly Science Fiction and Fantasy

More Family Friendly Science Fiction and Fantasy.

By Kristin Battestella

Who wants to go out and enjoy the nice Spring weather when there’s great, fanciful film fanfare to be had indoors? Save these science fiction and fantasy tales both old and new for a rainy family friendly day together. After all, it’s cheaper than Chucky Cheese. 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon – Okay, maybe this 2000 stylized kung fu drama directed by Ang Lee isn’t really fantasy per se, but it has the best fantastical flying kung fu I’ve ever seen. Yes, it can be a little slow, serious, and long winded- some youth will certainly have a tough time with the essential subtitles, too. However, there are lovely performances, fine story, exceptional scenery, and sweet choreography to awe teens. This one proves not all kung fu movies were low budget seventies clunkers where the voices don’t match the mouth movements-and its dynamite on blu-ray.

Edward Scissorhands – This 1990 tale of a lonely, incomplete man with scissors for hands is a little more mature and dark then some of my other suggestions. However, this early, spooky, and yet heartwarming collaboration from director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp has all the whimsy and freakiness needed without getting too comical, bizarre, or just weird. Fine performances from a lovely ensemble cast including Winona Ryder, Kathy Baker, Dianne Wiest, and Vincent Price blend humor, love, and innocence into one charming little tale young and old can enjoy.

E.T. the Extra Terrestrial – Sometimes I fear that due to some serious eighties styles, younger audiences might not tune in for this wonderfully personal 1982 film from Steven Spielberg. Reintroduce Reece’s Pieces and ‘E.T. phone home’ to the next generation ASAP. No matter how old you get, who can’t relate to this one- it’s got divorce, evil governments, and loveable aliens to rescue. Some super young viewers might be a little afraid of E.T., but the joy of sharing this one is worth the effort.

Frequency – This 1999 tearjerker starring Dennis Quaid and Jim Caviezel is a little melodramatic and has us taking a considerable leap of faith, but it does have a lovely and relatable premise that will touch your heart: What if you could talk to your deceased father again thanks to ham radio and aurora borealis? What if you could change the past and have one more moment to be face to face with your dead father, hug him, and introduce your child to him? Sappy, yes, but there’s also enough mystery, action, and suspense here for your own guys night in.

Harvey – My nieces may not remember the title or the wit of this 1950 classic, but they do remember ‘that old movie about the guy with the invisible rabbit’. James Stewart is wonderful as Elwood P. Dowd, and though the black and white photography might make it tough for the youngins’ to pay attention, you can’t take your eyes off the charm and subtle tricks onscreen. Josephine Hull is delightfully fanatical as the sister trying to commit Elwood and his six-foot Pooka- it’s all just a case of misunderstanding, really, but the bemusing and somehow mellow hysteria hasn’t gotten old yet. If you don’t believe me, do believe the American Film Institute’s Top Ten Fantasy List-Harvey is number seven.

Independence Day – There was a time not so long ago when one could find this aptly named 1996 sci-fi thriller on any given channel every July 4^th. In light of more recent visual effects spectacles, I think young audiences might have forgotten about this touching yet funny popcorn and kick-ass disaster movie. Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin’s not so little movie still looks good and makes us laugh just as much as it binds us together for the big moments from Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. Barbecue is not required with a viewing.

Sleepy Hollow – Here’s another less bizarre and family fun spookfest from Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. This 1999 period piece also starring Christina Ricci isn’t as dark and decrepit as a film about Ichabod Crane could be, but its hint of goth and turn of the century humor is perfect for a scary night in for families growing beyond Hocus Pocus. The suspense, ensemble cast, and surprisingly disturbing performance from Christopher Walken as the Headless Horsemen keep this one worthy as the successor to The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad. Who doesn’t love that one?

Stardust – I was very pleasantly surprised with this 2007 fantasy based on Neil Gaiman’s illustrated novel. Though familiar with Gaiman from his Death: The High Cost of Living comics, Stardust is not as dark or heavy. There’s plenty of mature whimsy harkening back to Victorian ideologies and fantasy for Claire Danes and Michelle Pfiefer with which to have fun. Some of the picture is a little uneven, and Robert DeNiro seems completely miscast as a latently fruity pirate, but all in all this was an exciting and enjoyable little film. Teens growing out of Potter will love this one.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? – I have to confess, every time this 1988 Robert Zemeckis spectacle is on cable, I can’t help but watch. Despite all our CGI advances, this mix of live cast and animated favorites still looks wonderful. Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, and Joanna Cassidy all look great in forties fashion; and the blend of humor, music, and mystery holds up. If nothing else, it amazes me that we can see Disney and Warner toons together! There’s delightful fun for the kids and some old fashioned innuendo for the adults- what’s not to love?

Family Friendly Fantasy and Science Fiction

Family Friendly Fantasy and Science Fiction

By Kristin Battestella

Hello again with another quick list of recommendations for your rainy days and family fun nights. Here are a few genre keepers that can be enjoyed by the entire family-young and old, modern and classic.

­The Adventures of Robin Hood - This 1938 classic may seem hokey to some, but tales of Sherwood Forest don’t get much better than this. Juvenile audiences and old time memories still make Errol Flynn’s be greened Robin, Olivia de Havilland’s Maid Marion, and Basil Rathbone’s Sir Guy of Gisborne a delight.

Swiss Family Robinson- Forget Pirates of The Caribbean, this 1960 Disney classic has tree houses, wild animals, tropical locations, and pirates! How can you not love Dorothy MacGuire and the scrawny boy who’s obviously a girl? Everyone can still enjoy this one-and it looks great on DVD. Disney just doesn’t make ‘em like they used to.

Clash of the Titans- This sword and sandal fanfare looks so bad yet still looks so good. The All-Star cast, Harryhausen-laden visuals, and story filled with meddling gods and mythical creatures is a delight for young and old. Very young children might be scared by the darker imagery and there’s a touch of toddler nudity; but kids 10 and under can still delight in this 1981 charmer.

Ladyhawke- Yes the music’s bad and the ending is weak, but this fanciful and tragic love story is still beautiful and moving. Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer are bittersweet as two cursed lovers who can only see each other for a moment at dawn. Fine characters, witty humor, and nothing scandalous make this a family keeper.

Jurassic Park- This Steven Spielberg extravaganza isn’t exactly one of my favorites, but the sequels are down hill from this groundbreaking and visually stunning dinosaur ‘what if’. A fine cast and some awesome dinosaurs will always look good to the paleontologist at heart.

Stargate- The long running series and spin-offs have their fans, but the original 1994 Stargate is a commitment free fix for a night of archeology and action. Kurt Russell’s Colonel O’Neill has more edge, and who doesn’t love a little bit of aliens with their Ancient Egypt?

Batman Forever- Not as dark, serious, and thought provoking as the recent Batman installments, this 1995 edition from Joel Schumacher has comic book fun, color, Robin, and Bat Girl. Nicole Kidman, Jim Carrey, and Tommy Lee Jones add the supporting grit, humor, and charm. Kids can enjoy the lighthearted take on the Caped Crusader while parents critique Val Kilmer’s entry as Batman.

The Mummy- Another original film that reigns above its sequels and direct to DVD spin-offs. Here’s more Egyptology and fantasy to inspire the kids, along with charm and wit from Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz. The mummy effects still look good to the mature, critical eye, and despite some humorous romance; there’s nothing skimpy and offensive.

X-Men- Perhaps not the best one in this mutant superhero trilogy, X-Men still packs in a lot of introductions and back-story, setting the scene for a fantastic look at discrimination. Teens who don’t already enjoy X-Men will love this tale of the gifted and misunderstood for its reflection of their own lives.

Bruce Almighty­- Though humorous and a little fresh in some places, Jim Carrey proves here that he can handle drama and mature story telling. Morgan Freeman is charming as God, and Carrey’s everyman struggles to do the right thing when given such enormous opportunity. Family friendly or even acceptable for youth group-beat that!