Fiery 80s Chillers 🔥

 

Fiery 80s Chillers! 🔥

by Kristin Battestella

These early eighties frights mix fire, brimstone, kills, and chills for nostalgic entertainment, bemusement, and scary extremes.

Don't Go in the House – Rumbling fires, intense heat, garbage incinerators, and dangerous explosions set the fiery mood for this 1980 psychological chiller. Askew angles, shabby wallpaper, and a sullied manor in disrepair carry disturbing childhood echoes while natural sounds made sinister and simple things like lighting the pilot light or longing looks over the matches create characterization. Time is taken for silent gasps, repeated screams, and hearing voices. Our dead mother won't wake up, and her adult son is finally able to play the groovy music as loud as he wants, toss the doilies aside, and put his feet on the furniture. The juvenile bedroom is too small, and the pathetic slow burn escalates to creepy flashbacks of being held over the flame. Mom enjoyed taking out the man leaving on her boy and burning the evil out of him. Today movies are always so up up up without this shock and relief roller coaster to tug our feelings. The old fashioned holding down the receiver lulls us with careful anticipation and pleas before disturbing gear, flame retardant suits, and gasoline lead to blunt violence, chains, and brutal screams. It's cold outside, everyone is bundled up, and the car won't start, but it's always the quiet, regular guy that no one suspects who has fireproof rooms to stash a dead body or two. The voices and imagined specters are off kilter but not in your face jump shocks while fiery dreams, orange flames, and blue accents add to the detached state of mind and symbolic stairs. There's no elaborate snapping scene, just a downward spiral into madness. A phone call from a co-worker represents the tangible outside world, but the torched bodies don't listen when they are spoken to, kissed, or slapped. Women are evil and homoerotic undertones layer the script before a cathartic moment of solace in going to church for holy water to put out the flames. Religion both caused his guilt yet could still purify all, but a night out at the disco leads to flashing lights, smoke, red dresses, boobs, and babes as the sin comes full circle. Ticking clocks, zooms, and giggling girls make for a fiery finale focusing on the internal torment rather than a set piece spectacle, and this realistic horror in the home does the mirror to nature that quality horror should.

Hell Night – Bonfires, groovy tunes, pranks, parties, and wet t-shirts are rad fun in this 1981 college slasher starring Linda Blair (The Exorcist). Suave eighties dudes match the sideways ponytails, ye olde costumes, vintage cars, and Quaaludes before pledges must stay the night in an abandoned manor with killer history and murderous mongoloids. The frat boys have set up the scares and spooky stunts, grossing out the crowd with tales of monstrous births and fireplace poker bludgeons, and it's fun to have this campfire telling format rather than the contemporary herky jerky strobe flashback snippets and fall backs. Rumors of missing relatives and not all the bodies being found frighten our plebs while candles, gothic gates, and gargoyles provide a dash of period piece atmosphere. The nostalgic excess is somewhat tame these days, however the whiff of classism adds thematic weight as the poor kids make deals to fit in and the rich kids bemoan the forced fraternities and family legacies. Scream sound effects, audible groans, ghostly overlays, rattling chains, and secret speakers build up the fake frights, but tunnels under the house, hidden passages, creepy hands, and swinging axes leave heads rolling. It is bemusing when the fun house phony and the real scares aren't so discernible now because both are dated effects, but skeletons jump out of the closet and even snakes in a can make an appearance. Although hammy, of the time dialogue occasionally hampers the unseen ominous and the self aware running gags can be uneven, the blood and snapping necks build suspense. Hedge mazes, saucy silhouettes, red lingerie, voyeuristic angles, and gory cuts accent the chills when our killer approaches the bed for under the covers shockers. The on edge escalates with perilous climbs over those spiky gates and a reluctant return inside to search for those missing. The foreboding house is only seen at night, and the police won't help during the titular, notorious prank week either. Repeat chases go on a little long, the low body count is spread thin, and the literal key to escape is there the entire time. Fortunately, for every stupid – like walking into a police station and leaving with a loaded rifle no problem whatsoever – there's a chilling approach in the dark leading to cobwebs, rats, corpses, and horror. This could have been a little better and the inadvertent humor can make or break a viewing today depending on your mood, yet this remains a fun late night October romp.

Invitation to Hell – Transplanted mid-westerners Joanna Cassidy (Blade Runner) and Robert Urich (Spenser: For Hire) must keep up with the Joneses and join Susan Lucci's (All My Children) suburban country club cult in this 1984 television movie directed by Wes Craven (A Nightmare on Elm Street). Red pantsuits, big hair, bemusing yet disturbing car accidents, and smoking revenge provide sinister style before the vintage station wagon driving montage complete with all the new job and familial exposition. Giant computers, shiny high tech buildings, big gadgets, flashing light panels, and space suits are now retro futuristic to match the payphones, record player, ten inch boob tube, and old school buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. However this science fiction meets traditional horror format allows time to know the realistic couple – a hardworking but absentee father in cutthroat research and development and the previously meek, stressed wife ready to hob nob with these luxury friends after years of struggling. Familiar faces accent the posh spa robes, ominous fog, exclusive ancient springs, and upscale occult for the Reagan era, but the secretary telling secrets gets replaced and divisive vixens tempt our couple with wealth, power, and pleasure in an intriguing underlying commentary on corporations and peer pressure. Encouraging the wife and kids to join the club without dad leads to sultry Stepford knives in the kitchen, dog reactions, growling children, and a redesign of their gothic villa into some ugly, severe mod thing. Fortunately, the worst pets in peril and fatal runs off the road are told rather than seen; the fantastical elements accent the people in turmoil in an otherwise grounded story veiled with patriarchal symbolism, good versus bad families, and who's a loser if he's not in with the in crowd. That experimental space suit is also convenient at the cult Halloween party amid villains dressed as Nazis, devilish deceptions, and feisty titular imagery. Music and screams from the depths below anchor visuals that do a lot with very little – although the brief neon reverse negative switch and easy destructive end are...unfortunate. Viewers have to expect these movie of the week scares are just dated fun. I mean, If you can't appreciate a spacesuit that labels Susan Lucci as a “non-human malignant” named Jessica Jones that's on you. Thankfully, the personal connections being the power to overcome evil are more important here.

Bonus Documentary!

In Search of Darkness: Part II The Journey into 80s Horror Continues – This 2021 Shudder follow up focuses on slightly obscure and international eighties horror via four hours more of genre scholars and fan favorites such as Clancy Brown, Nancy Allen, Linnea Quigley, Tom Savini, and Robert Englund. The stars discuss falling in love with Universal Horror, Hammer, Hitchcock, and what influences scared them amid yearly recollections of Dario Argento, Tenebrae, and Giallo Horror's disturbing intimacy. Depraved, rapacious shockers like Mother's Day and Humanoids of the Deep would not be made today, yet the demented social commentary, fear, and violence rise above terrible dubbing for universal appeal. Colorful sensory effects, effective blood, and memorable shockers cause cinema walkouts and hateful reactions as the genre pushes the envelope too far with misogyny and Asian stereotypes. Dead & Buried and Dressed to Kill prove the acting, versatility, emotions, and A list stars remain impressive – called upon to be humorous, in fear, and credible amid the slashers and Cannibal Holocaust extremes. More statements come with The Being, The Keep, The Bride, and A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 while child protagonists in peril as in Cujo contrast the preposterous or endearingly absurd and franchise sequels or parodies like Saturday the 14^th. Multi genre explorations provide high artistry, laughter, and low thrills – nudity, meta, and screams thanks to The Black Cat, Terror in the Aisles, House, Little Shop of Horrors, and Demons. Unfortunately, censorship, UK video nasty stigmas, and fickle Hollywood tastes left sequels unmade and original scripts turned into unrecognizable clones and bad camp like Ghoulies. However, Prom Night II doesn't apologize for its own sexuality, and Robert Englund is aware of the goofy, ironic toys made of nasty Fred Krueger as merchandising and video games advance alongside clever effects and experimentation seen Waxwork, Night of the Demons, and John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. Beetlejuice brings the wild fun mainstream, yet by 1989 there's room for new filmmakers like Peter Jackson and Bad Taste. Character studies that get under your skin like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer continue to resonate with vicarious viewers and horror makers. In today's snarky tone, the segments allowing for stars to talk about themselves would appear self serving, but here it's wonderful for them to see the impact of their work and hear their reflections. While at times perhaps too obscure, die hard genre fans can laugh at the low budget creature features nostalgia and celebrate the forgotten sleepers, cult favorites, and gory highlights.

A Djinns and Devils Trio

A Trio of Devils and Djinns!

by Kristin Battestella

Layfolk beware! These millennial pictures both foreign and domestic have supernatural inns, suspicious country homes, and demonic genies with more than their fair share of devilish tricks, tempts, and perils.

House – Sheriff Michael Madsen (Reservoir Dogs) and two couples at a rundown out of place Alabama inn encounter serial killers and the supernatural along with the promise of “Rest for the weary soul” in this 2008 heavy. Despite cliché driving montages, rainstorms, dirt roads, and yuppies with no cell phone reception, this isn't a standard teen slasher romp and feels more in the spirit of seventies horrors beware thanks to old time fixtures, chiming clocks, an Art Deco patina, and out of service “Ma Bell.” The dining table is set, the inn staff is old fashioned in their language and attitudes, and the power goes out just as the killer outside has trapped everyone on the awkward inside – askew angles and distorted camerawork reflect the internal tensions and panic. Newspaper clippings and flashes of past sins piece together the in limbo abstracts as our players are divided by maze-like trickery, meat lockers, ice perils, and fun house horrors done without any hollow jump scares. The dialogue isn't always good, and the flashy overkill is unnecessary once the tale is in hand – trust your story instead of laying on the distortions. Perhaps this is the struggle of what to keep or lose in adapting the Ted Dekker and Frank E. Peretti novel, for the editing can be uneven, leaving people in peril to see what's happening to others or backtracking when there is immediate action. Back and forth shouting is tiring, and the scares resort to typical wet dark basement tunnels when the house upstairs has a unique, otherworldly character. The finale is also slightly busy, with obvious who is who good versus evil manifestations, creepy kids, purgatory debates, and a battle for one's soul at stake. Fortunately, the older cast does well as the tense vignettes reveal ill histories and cult symbols. With all this weird, the audience has to see what's what before the killer's timeline is up and his demands are met. While not perfect, the bizarre, multi-layered story here has enough intriguing substance for some post-viewing discussions.

Sheitan – Paris clubs and an invitation to a country retreat promise saucy fun in this 2006 French horror parable starring “housekeeper” Vincent Cassel (Eastern Promises). Granted, some characters are typical homophobic horny jerks. The dated fashions, club scene, and subtitled slang feel nineties poser, too – boss dig it fly homie where's your crib, et cetera et cetera. Quick editing and strobe camerawork is too in your face, but most of the quips and cruising stupidity is bemusing. It's Christmas but warnings of not deserving forgiveness for knowing what we do are ignored, and Cassel's Joseph is a little too touchy with the young ladies – he squirts some symbolic goat's milk directly into their mouths, too. This isn't his usual handsome self either, but a creepy, grinning, country bowl legged racist with a dog named Cerberus and forceful authority of other bizarre, deformed villagers. Their chateau is old, crumbling past its glory with weird doll parts, effigies, and goats. There's nudity of course, but incestuous tales, bestiality, and a hidden, pregnant wife add a discomforting weirdness to the quirky humor and modern Jean Rollin spirit. Symbolic apples, snakes, vultures, gluttony, and Magi motifs accent names such as Mary, Joseph, Eve, and Styxx while religious table talk asks who's a believer or a sinner. While the ninety-four minutes could have been trimmed in slow, titillation spots, the plot confusions leave whether something satanic is at work in this crazy house or not open to debate. Try hard ignorance and bad sex flashbacks sidetrack from the escalating story at hand, but these dumbasses are so desperate for a good time they never wonder why a girl would pick up strangers in a club and invite them home for Christmas. Hello! Flickering lights, creepy bathtubs, locusts, chases, and finale twists bring the violence to a gross head alongside some insane visions and mutilations. To some this may be more eccentric rather than horror, but there is some seriously disturbing imagery nonetheless.

Wishmaster – I Dream of Jeannie spoiled us on the nature of granting wishes, and a malevolent, puckish Djinn runs amok in this 1997 Wes Craven produced dark fantasy starring Andrew Divoff (Air Force One) and Freddy Krueger Robert England with a cameo from Candyman Tony Todd. Opening scrolls telling of unholy potential immediately set a fiery mood alongside an 1127 Persia apothecary, potions, cauldrons, mystical gems, and alchemy. Present day rock outs, tennis yuppies, and smarmy auctioneers are dated, yet there's a frightfully fantastic mixing with modern industrial thanks to maze-like museums, living statues, and slimy cadavers. Some hokey effects also feel too eighties, but payphones and answering machines that say Pacific Bell and Bell South, whoa! Skeletons and more effective gore accent the too good to be true, “All you have to do is ask” tricks, leaving the regretful and maimed in our djinn's wake. He's not lying in saying he only bargains with what people give him – reminding viewers to speak carefully when wishing someone was dead or offering to sell one's soul for a cigarette. Such suspense is fine on its own without circling zooms and crescendos, for we want to see the antagonist's personality, interconnected visions, and growing powers. Ironically, we like Tammy Lauren (Homefront) less, but she isn't stupid or made a bimbo while investigating the Zoroastrian myths. Although the escalating creepy crawlies are fun, the plot descends into set chases, explosions, and ineffective shootouts with some deus ex machina in outwitting the djinn. The ancient prologue, first act release, and collecting of restoring skingraphs or eyeballs are also similar to Dracula 2000 and The Mummy – evil flirts, shops, preys, leaving boils along the way. This girl power action horror pace feels like a precursor to more recent spectacles, and while we chuckle at the un-scary B movie fun, it's pleasing to see the non-Western horror of this demented little cautionary tale.

Bodies, Graves, and Coffins Oh My!

Bodies, Graves, and Coffins, Oh My!

By Kristin Battestella

The death rituals, wooden boxes, burials gone awry, and perverse morgue practices in this trio of twisted films old and new are not for the claustrophobic or faint of heart, I assure you.

The Coffin – It's a little tough to find information about this 2008 commonly titled picture. Fortunately, woodwork, nails, and bones set the mood for this Thai custom of cheating death by lying in a coffin in complete pseudo funerary. X-rays, visions of hospital beds, death as seduction artwork, and the passing along of bad karma thanks to used coffins add to the in limbo atmosphere, ill luck reversals, and fantastical news reports. Toddlers cry beside this mock ritual, not understanding why – surely this bizarre practice mocks fate rather than cleanses its practitioners. Unfortunately, the digital gradient here is ridiculously blue tinted. Outside of some scary fire action, seriously everything is blue. While phones and texting are slightly annoying as well, interior darkness and precious phone lights accentuate the claustrophobic, up close viewpoints inside the limited titular space – capturing the paranoia and confinement fears we all secretly harbor. Heart stopping scares, reviving emergencies, and bloody bodies add to the eighty minutes of unease as do some surprisingly good jump scares and hauntings. Is it all just sensory deprivations and coffin crazed hallucinations? Although the premise is intriguing, our players aren't really introduced, and confusing visions and disjointed flashbacks never give the audience firm footing. Is this ghosts, dreams, a coma, purgatory, all in somebody's head? It's not an enjoyable mystery when you are deliberately being obtuse with try hard plot holes and that oh so blue sophistication. Has anything real actually happened amid this plodding, intertwined editing? The slow pace and head scratching inexplicable can be frustrating here. Thankfully, the unique locale, variety of languages, Eastern customs, and refreshing non-whitewashed casting add enough bonuses to witness this kind of fresh horror tale. But seriously, enough already with the blue! 

 

Dead and Buried – The idyllic New England coast and brisk, seaside beauty complete with saucy photoshoots and old fashioned, sentimental camera shutter clicks belie the carefully orchestrated violence to come in this 1981 shocker. More flashbulbs, phone operators, and sweet big band music add to the earlier mid century quaint – this morgue has a twisted sense of class, respect, and demented beauty in death but too much murder per capita. No mom, dad, and little boy lost on the way to vacation, stay away! These escalating, suspenseful, and creative kills are a community activity; it's the town pleasure to lure visitors to abandoned, isolated areas for these ninety odd minutes of atmosphere and hysteria. All of Potter's Bluff seems in on the well laid trap – except for new big city educated sheriff James Farentino (Dynasty) returning to his old home town in a man alone verses a warped The Wicker Man cult society. How long has this been happening? These crimes, dead bodies, and townsfolk aren't what they seem, and talk of witchcraft books and zombie voodoo folklore don't provide answers. The mystery reveals itself as the bizarre increases, and the period piece style is also slightly prophetic – mass mobs photograph the macabre as we rubber neck at a car accident and replay the morbid with social media. Yes, some of the effects here are poor. However other designs are very good, and the superb looking blu-ray also provides featurettes on the Stan Winston (Terminator 2) effects alongside interviews with young Fred Kreuger Robert Englund and writer Dan O'Bannon (Alien). Though perhaps tame by today's standards regarding gore, there is more than enough blood, hearts, body parts, and snuff film leading to a wild, entertaining finish.

Shallow Grave – Zipping cars and a dizzying spiral staircase add to the head spinning roommate interviews and cruel, arrogant personalities of a young Ewan McGregor (Star Wars) and floppy haired Christopher Eccelston (Doctor Who) in director Danny Boyle's (Trainspotting) 1994 satirical dead body thriller. The them dorky versus us cool intercut editing establishes a demented sense of humor, and the bright, colorful yuppie kind of garish turns darker once their mysterious new roommate enters with a suitcase full of money only to die naked in his bed a few days later. We don't know the full extent of this tenant arrangement, but the sexual tension with Kerry Fox (Intimacy) is apparent even if the trust between this trio is growing thin after chopping off heads, sawing off some hands, knocking out a few teeth, and burying a body or two. Although already amoral enough, no one wants to get their sophisticated hands dirty – but oh how chopping up a body for the money reveals one's sadistic nature! Great quips soon lead to sardonic, amateur body bungling mixed with real crime and violence professionals. A bleak booby trapped attic, divisive secrets, and calculating behaviors escalate as police and newspapers loom. Who's plotting what and uniting to point the finger against whom? Red photography, footsteps, and The Wicker Man on their television charge the atmosphere as the increasing cover ups lead to more death, creepy behaviors, and suspicions. The subtitles will be necessary for those who have a tough time with thick accents, but the interviews and commentary on the Criterion blu-ray edition add some bemusing insights. Superb shocks and greedy, ironic twists keep this genre-bender intense for the full ninety minutes. 

 

The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

Freddy’s Phantom of the Opera a Mixed Bag

By Kristin Battestella

The 1989 version of The Phantom of the Opera adds a whole lot of gory to update the oft-adapted novel. Unfortunately, the convoluted changes to the source sully what could be a fine macabre rendition, leaving more crossed signals than scares.

New York singer Christine Day (Jill Schoelen) finds herself upon the stage of a past London opera house after discovering a lost Don Juan Triumphant manuscript by alleged murderer and composer Erik Destler (Robert Englund). Erik has paid a disfiguring Faustian price to have his music heard – the devil has scarred his face and now the Opera Ghost must use the flesh of his victims to mask his horrendous wounds. When he hears Christine sing, however, The Phantom seeks to dispose of diva La Carlotta (Stephanie Lawrence) and replace her with his muse. Will Christine come to love her musical benefactor or discover his murderous hobbies?

Director Dwight H. Little (Rapid Fire) starts this Leroux adaptation from writers Gerry O’Hara (Ten Little Indians) and Duke Sandefur (Dark Justice) with a satanic warning, ominous music, a creepy bookshop, bloody manuscripts, and then contemporary New York opera auditions before a Victorian London transition. Unfortunately, the framing added to The Phantom of the Opera is more than confusing. Is it reincarnation, time travel, or immortality? Are we watching a flashback induced by some demonic spell when Erik’s music is played? Memories from The Phantom’s point of view recalling his devilish pact further muddle this twist. Though Faust elements from the novel and scenes or characters not often included in onscreen adaptations are represented, purists will wonder why these frustrating bookends and superfluous changes were shoehorned in here. Thankfully, the murderous opera mishaps and quick pace move for the 93-minute duration – the tale remains familiar enough and there’s no time to fully question the additions or the unnecessary endings that just keep on going forever. Evil elements, plenty of brutality, and some supernatural hocus-pocus make for a decidedly horror mood. We’ve know doubt that this angle will be sinister, not romantic, and many Phantom fans will enjoy the outright villainous tone even if the execution of the inserted spooky is laden with plot holes and flaws. Ironically, despite its gory strides and fiendish aspects, The Phantom of the Opera is clearly trying to ride the coattails of the musical productions and includes a disclaimer declaring that this version is unaffiliated with Webber and company. Go figure.

Fortunately, the gruesome Phantom skin and make up designs for star Robert Englund work devilishly good. He stitches up his icky face, harvests fresh flesh from his victims, and remains strong and skilled with weapons as he slices and dices. For all its misguided vision, this Phantom of the Opera is not afraid to bloody it up and out rightly mention sexual context – be it accusing peeping tom stagehands, some nighttime prostitution, or would-be rapacious action. Erik has his needs! Through his Faust pact and filleting folks, The Phantom maneuvers diva Carlotta’s exit early before going out to the local pub or spa for some more kills. His interest in Christine, however, feels secondary, lame, and tacked on to the demonic upkeep as if elevating the full on, killer creeper is meant to make us forget the obsessive love plot. Compared to what usually is the source of Erik’s motivation, this Opera Ghost doesn’t have much reason to hang around the house when he could be getting his lust and hellish tendencies elsewhere. Broadway shade, crammed in horror – the lengthy skin peel reveals help The Phantom of the Opera doubly cash in on Englund’s Nightmare on Elm Street heights as well as the musicals. This Erik is obviously not a sympathetic soul, but he’s not a multi dimensional villain either. He’s The Phantom and he’s bad this time around, oooo. The would-be menacing spectacle doesn’t do Englund justice or give him the layers and depths he is more than capable of delivering.

Poor Billy Nighy (Underworld) is also totally wasted in The Phantom of the Opera as an angry, would-be manipulative but largely ineffective opera owner. He doesn’t have much to do except bitch, and late stage star Stephanie Lawrence as Carlotta likewise feels blink and you miss her rather than any sort of antagonist. So-called inspectors and other nondescript secondary players are forgettable, as-needed plot devices or set dressings. Without much beyond the Raoul name change for Alex Hyde-White (Reed Richards in the infamous 1994 Fantastic Four film) as Christine’s barely there paramour Richard, it’s tough to follow his supposed heroics in the hectic underground finale much less root for his success. Sadly, all of these players could be excised – no name police could have been called to the opera house for the shoot ‘em up showdown and The Phantom of the Opera would have been no different. Critical in the role as Christine Day, Jill Schoelen (There Goes My Baby) also misses the mark if you are looking for a strong period piece blossom. While she makes a capable eighties scream queen, Schoelen is a fish out of water at the opera. Christine should do more than go round and round with Erik in one slow motion battle after another, right? But say hey, its SNL alum Molly Shannon!

There is a new blu-ray edition of The Phantom of the Opera, which is nice since the bare bones DVD has subtitles but tough to see alleyways and dark fight scenes. Again, the head rolling gore is well done, but some of the violence also feels unnecessary compared to the atmospheric blue lighting, red reflections, and flaming effects. Askew angles, the tilted hat, and shadowed, one eye close ups of The Phantom also up the brooding. There is little of the actual stage spectacle here, but the Victorian interiors and layers of Old World feel intimate. As horror, this production design is more than serviceable even if it’s not all it could have been. The subdued palette, generic costumes, and low budget mistakes, however, won’t be as grandiose as some Phantom of the Opera fans may expect – Erik’s lair looks like a standard, commonplace cave set with some candles. Perhaps that’s realistic to what the underground living would be, but there isn’t enough to it for a film. Fortunately, the scoring provides the right gothic mood and melody. Sure, it’s not quite sweeping and will seem knock off inferior to the more famous Phantom musics, but it is the one part of this conflicted Phantom of the Opera that does what it is supposed to do. And oh my, shout out for the floppy discs and giant computer monitors!

The Phantom of the Opera suffers from its identity crisis as a horror film and a book adaptation just as it much as it proves a scary update of Leroux is possible. Had it abandoned the contemporary twists and devilish ties and simply played it straight while upping the sinister and gore, The Phantom of the Opera might have stood out from the crowd as more than a cliché Freddy or Webber cash in like those try hard, faux rip offs we get today. At times, this rendition feels like a bad edit, the audience test viewing that’s missing all its final bells and whistles. Are we still awaiting the real director’s cut with all the polish, clarification, and panache? The Phantom of the Opera is not the definitive adaptation of the novel, and ultimately, nor is it the best macabre rendition – I’m not sure anyone will ever surpass the Silent version in that regard. Mixed bag though it is, if spooky audiences, Phantom students, and Englund fans accept this late night tale for what it is, The Phantom of the Opera can be a fun, serviceable, gruesome good time – complete with the heads of divas in the punch bowl.

Horror So Bad Its Good!

Good, Bad, and Cult Horror

By Kristin Battestella

Well, in the midst of all this horror viewing, one is bound to find some bad and ugly amid the good and scary! Some of these mid-century science fiction horrors are cult classics, but others thru the years carry just a hint of iffy. Does a film have to be good to be entertaining? Nope.

Goods

Atom Age Vampire – This 1963 Italian hour and twenty minutes offers eerie effects, good music both swanky and sinister, and plenty of mood, sauce, and juicy disfigurement!  Yes, the dubbing is obvious, it’s tough to understand all the dialogue, and some of the acting is over the top in the of the time and foreign styles. Some of the technology might be confusing, and outside of an allusion towards a new kind of scientific immortal killing prey, this English title doesn’t mean much. The quibbles, however, are tolerable.  Most of the performances are fine, and the mad scientist themes work thanks to fun lab sounds and designs. The violence, murder, and corrupt sciences aren’t bad either. The human love triangles and steady plot and pace are still relatable, creating a decent little picture that takes itself a little more seriously than the B, borderline campy 50s American SF. Fans of mid century scary sci-fi can most definitely enjoy this step above all around.

The Beast of Yucca Flats – The notorious 1961 SF horror here starts off fun and scary with a toweled pretty, strangulations, space race secrets, communism fears, and nuclear fallout. Unfortunately, this hour is held together by a very dodgy narration which unnecessarily replaces what should be dialogue. It’s mistake numero uno- hardly anyone talks and this makes for the least amount of character development possible. No performance happens; it’s a story being told. While that’s fine in cartoons perhaps, aren’t you making a film because of the show don’t tell possibilities? It’s unrealistic to expect a serious science fiction or spooky adult audience to sit through something like this-which is as is really nothing more than a naughty children’s short. That’s Rule 2: don’t underestimate your audience.  Did I mention the music is also much too much? Yes, this ‘film’ is seriously flawed, and to some, that is its very appeal. Fans who enjoy the hokey of the day will love the cars, pace, and weak fifties filmmaking style, and drinking game fans can have a wonderful time with the utterly fake shoot out and car chase.  It’s like they’re kids with pop guns spinning the wheels of parked cars!  This one must be seen to be believed, indeed.

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die – I’ve seen this black and white 1962 AIP SF horror romp heckled a time or two on Mystery Science Theater and Elvira’s Movie Macabre. Honestly, the title alone harkens a certain level of the absurd! A talking head in a dish, literally.  A laughing, vengeful, telepathic head in a dish, oh yes. Modern audiences can still be entertained and enjoy the hokey scares thanks to the bubbling laboratories, cool fifties cars, and dangerous outdoor scenery. Decent doctoring segues towards mad scientist mayhem, and the swift editing is frenetic with desperate music to match. Kinky dancing and swanky tunes, naughty talk about replacement bodies, catfights, hot dames, and lots of leg all add a scandalously fun element, too.  The serious tone does hamper the camp, the finale is completely contrived, and the full 80 minutes feels overlong despite the ticking clock onscreen. Yet all things considered, this one is the very definition of so bad its good ridiculous.  Have your own bemusing, beverage-laden Halloween peanut gallery party with this one.

 

 (Jan in the Pan...)

 (...and the auditions for her new body!)

Questionable

Eaten Alive – I thought this film on my 50 Horror Classics Set the was infamous Italian cannibal rape fest, which made me a little apprehensive about watching. But no, this 1977 Tobe Hopper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) creepy jumps right into the nasty with Robert Englund (Fred Krueger!) giving Roberta Collins (Death Race 2000) some real world sex and violence scares. There’s a fun appearance by Carolyn Jones (The Addams Family), too, and Neville Brand (Stalag 17) is totally demented and deranged indeed. The wickeds are almost too much to watch, except the photography looks so poor in quality and backwater dirty that the viewer can’t see what’s happening amid this dark and dank- if creepy- design. Chainsaw veteran Marilyn Burns also spends most of the time tied to a bed with naught to do, and between the gory scenes, the pace is stagnant and insipid.  For this 87 minute edited version, it feels as though both some panache and an editing scalpel are needed.  The country music blissfully playing amid kids crying and killer sex scenes is more quirky twisted than scary as perhaps intended, and what should be a very frightful film fizzles into being just, well, kind of dumb. Why start out so slashery good to end up being a killer crocodile picture? Maybe one shouldn’t compare to the magical of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but the well seems muddled here.

The World Gone Mad –This hour plus murder mystery from 1933 looks, feels, and sounds old thanks to the low budget period décor, fast talking colloquialisms, and the early styled pacing and editing.  And yet all that is a real treat for those who like to see tilted fedoras, fabulous frocks, plenty of cigarettes, and a candlestick phone or two- not to mention a very young Neil Hamilton (Commissioner Gordon from the Batman TV series).  Oh, the typewriters and phone operators! The main investigation plot is a little too tough to follow at times, which is a major problem in such a short film, and time is wasted on a little boy that I swear looks exactly like Shirley Temple! Outside of the ironically lovely and nostalgic visuals, one might wonder what the point was here, even if the crime chase gets better as the film proceeds. It isn’t scary or that mysterious, but one intense train sequence might make the film.  I’m torn. It’s flawed, but looks good. Confusing, but entertaining. 

 

(Yeah, attacking someone thru a door that isn't attached...)

80s Horror and Science Fiction Fears

80s Horrors and Scares Again

By Kristin Battestella

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am a Garbage Pail Kids horror fiend eighties baby after all.

Galaxy of Terror –  This 1981 SF freaky produced by Roger Corman (The Masque of the Red Death) has some fine scary and gory zooms, nice jump out moments, a little bit of fantasy, and some funny tossed in for good measure. The space scenery and creepy ship effects look good, especially decent if you think about how much worse and uber low budget it could have been. Okay, so it’s too dark in some spots, the eighties music is too loud, and the bad laser effects give me a headache. It’s tough to tell who is forgettable who beyond Erin Moran (Happy Days) and Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street), the controls look like Simon, and the creature effects are quite the hokey.  Having said all that, the creepy and freaky works!  Contemporary audiences might not like the rapacious nasties, psychological fears, and disturbing body horror if they haven’t seen this one before, but it still works damn fine and better than predictable modern slashers.

My Bloody Valentine – There’s more forgettable 1981 interchangeable hokey hicks here- but this time all the juicy gore, unique deaths, and claustrophobic dangers are in a great labyrinthine mine inhabited by a pickaxe wielding killer.  The re-inserted deadly details are shocking and sweet, with interesting or askew camerawork, kink, and mystery. However, the scenes are unrestored and noticeably out of place- making a tough viewing for some audiences who expect a bit more polish on blu-ray.  Naturally due to the titular Valentine plot twists, I’m not so sure this is a good October or Halloween-esque film.  Then again, we could all use a little freaky in our February, for sure. I must say I did predict the killer’s identity before the finale, but it was dang entertaining in getting there nonetheless.

Near Dark – Oscar winning director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) also co-wrote this cult cowboy-esque and unique 1987 vampire tale starring Adrian Pasdar (Heroes), Jenny Wright (St. Elmo’s Fire), Bill Paxton (Aliens), Lance Henriksen (Aliens), Jenette Goldstein (Aliens), and Joshua John Miller (he’s the kid brother in Teen Witch!). Granted the Southern eighties style may seem dated or too country to some. However, this is quite the stylized show, with a serious look at nomadic vampire rites of passage and dangerous family drama.  There’s even room for humor, sardonic fun, and a little romance, too.  Traditional vampire bits are here- though in unexpected ways- and there is plenty of blood, gruesome, fire, and deaths. Yet this isn’t all gore and bite juice for the sake of it, rather most of the meat is handled by twisted performance alone.  It’s subtle, sexy, and the blu-ray looks great.

Swamp Thing – There’s a great story here from the DC Comics plots- all kinds of kinky, monster innuendo, power debates, sociological statements, and demented science.  I do, however, expect a little more polish from director Wes Craven (Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream), as the photography and editing presentation hampers this most. Despite the serious relationships onscreen, numerous and disjointed fade ins or weird slide transitions make this feel like a series of action incidents rather than a cohesive tale. Thankfully, the swampy water and South Carolina locations work wonderfully, and Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog), Ray Wise (Twin Peaks), and the late Dick Durock (also of the Swamp Thing TV series) are a lot of fun. Though he appears to have never been in anything else, Reggie Batts is also a scene-stealing treat as the sarcastic Jude. We can believe Barbeau as the smart, sexy woman who can handle herself, as well- just that dang 1982 mini afro mullet combo hair does not work. Louis Jourdan (Octopussy) is also mustache twisting villainy sweet, even if the monster make-up and the action finale is quite hokey.  Fortunately, the uncut version is currently available on Netflix’s Instant Watch, complete with boobs a plenty.  And really, I’m so, so tired of forthcoming 3D remakes!

The Thing – Director John Carpenter (Halloween, Christine) mixes alien fears, scary isolation, dangerous locations, miscommunications, mistrust, suspicion, and more in this 1982 science fiction freaky.  In some of the hectic scenes, it may be tough to tell who is who in the all-male cast, yes. But stars Kurt Russell (Escape from New York), Keith David (Platoon), and Wilfred Brimley (Cocoon, or rather, The Quaker Oats Guy) build all the paranoia necessary. Everyone is afraid of not just the titular menacing getting in, but also of letting it out into the populated world- which is exactly what it wants. Maybe some of the effects are corny today, but the gore also looks gruesome good whilst also being realistic or bizarrely well thought.  Jumps and scares, of the time restrictions, little technology to help, and a jury-rigged compound add to the horror, too. And again, I’m not interested in the remake. Why, oh why, oh why would anyone be?

Slasher Films and Nostalgia Pieces

Slasher Mayhem and Feeling Nostalgia Flicks

By Kristin Battestella

Yes, we’re not talking total Oscar worthy material. Yet we’re still watching some of these seventies and eighties umpteenth slasher sequels, pseudo period pieces, vamps, and teeny horror romps. Here are a few old but decent pictures for a fun horror movie marathon and a few recent bad ones for a drinking game.

Must See

Jaws – Okay, if you’ve seen the Mythbusters episode where they spoil and disprove some of the theatrics in this 1975 Steven Spielberg thriller, you probably won’t be scared here.  Likewise, every horror film since has copied and used a lot of the camera scares and startling set ups.  However, Roy Schneider (SeaQuest), Robert Shaw (From Russia with Love) and Richard Dreyfuss (Close Encounters of the Third Kind) are serious, emotional, and crazy great all around.  The shark still looks dang dynamite, and the deadly seascapes cast the perfect fear, seventies mood, and explosive atmosphere.  It’s all here.  Though inferior, not as well directed, and focused more on teens in peril, Jaws 2 is an entertaining creature feature follow-up as well. 

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy – This 4-hour retrospective documentary gives you everyfrickinthing you ever wanted to know about the Nightmare on Elm Street series, and it is glorious! The good, the bad, and the ugly of every film in the franchise has their time in the spotlight with frank talk from creator Wes Craven, stars Robert Englund and Heather Langenkamp, producer Bob Shaye, and more.  Of course, Johnny Depp and Patricia Arquette are too big for memories on Elm Street, but that’s a small hiccup for this otherwise fine behind the scenes treat. 

Play Misty for Me – While not horror per se, this 1971 thriller directed by star Clint Eastwood (Unforgiven, Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River) was Fatal Attraction before Fatal even dreamt of dead rabbits. The idyllic Monterey scenery mixes wonderfully with the creepy retro vibes, haunting ‘Misty’ music and possessive radio caller Jessica Walter (Arrested Development).  The killer ending sequence still has some moments to make you jump.  Eastwood keeps things mature, intelligent, and oh so smooth for innocent Donna Mills (Knots Landing), too.  I have to say, however, I hate Roberta Flack’s overblown and long-winded ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’! Finish the sentence already, lady!

Not Classics, but worthy

Cat’s Eye – I used to love this 1985 spooky and bizarre Stephen King trilogy as a kid.  James Woods (Once Upon A Time in America, John Carpenter’s Vampires), Drew Barrymore (Never Been Kissed, Charlie’s Angels), Robert Hays (Airplane!) and that cute but pesky cat capture the story and suspense wonderfully.  However, some of the effects here are a little too dated, silly, and small scale.  What used to be so scary then is now merely ironic and just a little too unintentionally comical.  Then again, the troll can still seriously scare the youngins, so if you’re into that, go for it!

Friday the 13^th Part 3 – Jason gets the mask, people! In light of all our new fancy 3D technology, the primitive 3D hijinks here are amusing and add a few more fun startling moments.  This installment, however, is actually kind of tame in the sex and nudity department, even if the gore and deaths are juicy.  Otherwise, this 1982 sequel continues the same old never-ending cycle of stupid teens.  And what does it take to kill Jason my goodness?!  The series gets a little silly from here on out.

A Perfected Getaway – Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) and Steve Zahn (Joyride) are relatively big names for just any old spooky thriller. Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood) is a little too Billy Zane-esque and Chris Hemsworth (CASH) is too obviously creepy.  Thankfully, this focus on the cast and not gore keeps the intelligence and entertainment a little better than usual.  Director David Twohy (Pitch Black) plays with visuals, editing, and cuts in a nice attempt to twist the viewer on his ear, but can you really fool any audience today? I have to say with a careful viewing, you can see the supposed big twist coming. There’s too much internal talk of movies and red herrings, deflections, suggestions, and twists. Hint hint we get it.  Of course, we always have cell phones and reception issues in the plot nowadays and after awhile that’s just annoying, too.  The Hawaiian scenery, however, is worth all ills and a repeat viewing is nice to piece the puzzle together. 

Sometimes They Come Back – No one notices sixties styled greaser ghosts are transferring into the local high school?  Some parts from this 1991 Stephen King TV movie are a little preposterous and unbelievable- let’s admit it.  If you put those viewer leaps aside, both the early nineties and hot rod nostalgic storylines are a lot of fun.  Tim Matheson (Animal House, A Very Brady Sequel) largely handles the film on his own, and his slow breakdown and emotional upheavals are delightful to watch- again even if some of it is a little far fetched. Director Tom McLoughlin (Date with an Angel) captures the innocence of a childhood lost with the disturbing paranormal at hand.  I don’t know how they came up with the ridiculously titled sequels though.  Sometimes They Come Back….Again and Sometimes They Come Back… for More- how old are we, really?

Vampires: Los Muertos – No, it’s not the original and it should have been called Bon Jovi, Vampire Hunter.  Having said that, this 2002 sequel to John Carpenter’s Vampires written and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace (Halloween III: Season of the Witch) is close to a okay. The story and western action aren’t the problem, but the dialogue is somewhat weak and the supporting cast is less than stellar.   Natasha Gregson Wagner (The 4400) and Cristian de la Fuenta (What did this guy do to be on Dancing with the Stars?) are 110% wooden, and Arly Jover (Blade) as lead vamp Una wasn’t as alluring as expected, either. Jon Bon Jovi (Moonlight and Valentino) isn’t a stellar actor either, but he’s pretty cool as a badass vampire hunter for hire, who knew?

Avoid like the plague

Friday the 13^th Part 4 – Final chapter my foot! This 1984 sequel has lots more nudity than its immediate predecessor does, and the cast is stronger than usual. Sadly, Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys) and Crispin Glover (Back to the Future) can’t save this one from the same old same old that’s by this point is getting really old in this franchise. How many times will a sequel begin immediately after the last one only to have another group of boobilicious teens return to Crystal Lake?   The deaths in this installment aren’t as creative either, and again how many times can the dead Jason not really die?

Shutter Island – Perhaps I’m the only person on the planet who didn’t like this Martin Scorsese (Raging Bull, Goodfellas, The Departed) and Leonardo DeCaprio (Titanic) psychological yarn.  The performances, fifties styles, isolating island atmosphere, latent political commentary, and World War II trauma are all wonderful.  These stylized visuals are however, merely entertaining filler. There’s no intelligence here- everything is obvious from the beginning.  From the band-aid on Leo’s forehead to the dreamlike jump cuts and distorted filming angles- we don’t need a long two and a half hours for the weak ending to tell us what we already know.  I’m tired of watching films like this where the protagonist is not so subtlety our unreliable narrator and I don’t think one needs a second viewing to fill in all the blanks here. Though it’s different in many respects, the entire time I kept thinking, ‘Memento did it better.’