License to Drive

 

License to Drive is a Rite of Passage Time Capsule

by Kristin Battestella

Colorful neon road signs and fast moving opening credits set the 1988 mood of License to Drive before cool cars in dangerous chases and a cackling bus driver a la A Nightmare on Elm Street as Corey Haim's (The Lost Boys) Les Anderson sleeps thru the Driver's Ed video. After writing “I will drive safely” on the chalkboard as punishment from a teacher who hopes he never succeeds, Les does indeed fail to get his license. Naturally, he goes out on the town anyway to impress his crush Mercedes (Heather Graham), but sneaking out in his grandfather's Cadillac leads to a disastrous if memorable night for Les and his friends – wannabe cool Dean (Corey Feldman) and nerdy Charles (Michael Manasseri) – thanks to the numerous mishaps befalling Grandpa's precious Caddy.

Debut director Greg Beeman (Smallville) has ninety minutes in License to Drive and establishes the premise immediately with double duty dialogue on crushes, crusty teachers, and the generation gap. Older dudes with cool cars woo the popular girls, and the sophisticated, wealthy divides leave our boys riding double on the bicycle and embarrassed to have their parents drive them anywhere. Bullies want to play chicken,“living time bomb” Helen Hanft (Moonstruck) warns teens not to “fuck with the Department of Motor Vehicles,” and Fresh Prince's Uncle James Avery measures an uphill driving test with his perilous cup of hot coffee. The rebellious, youthful lies seem so innocent until Les says he's only going around the block but instead leaves his dad stranded in the street carrying the diapers. The boys are desperate to achieve access to forbidden hang outs and quad roller skating babes but the BMW hat is too big for the grounded sixteen year old. His mother's false labor pains, running over the hedge, and not having a license are the least of Les' problems when the police find a drunk girl in the Caddy trunk! Small scratches and dents escalate to vomit in the backseat and a drunk who thinks he's found a Maserati, yet there's a certain effortlessness and nonchalant irony while casually backing out with a maniac on the hood of the car. The camera knows when to speed up with fun point of view action and well edited cuts keep up the humorous pacing. Unlike today's superfluous drone shots or bogged down special effects, in camera actions and movements are used for scene transitions – keeping License to Drive swift and snappy as no sequence overstays its welcome. Although License to Drive does rely on convenient timing for some of its comedy and plot advances, the self-aware, winking attitude is part of the movie magic suspension of disbelief. In scene action allows punchlines to fully play out before callbacks to that hot cup of coffee and Driver's Ed being one hell of a crash course send the golf clubs flying out the broken rear windshield. Our little brother exclaims “Son of a bitch!” as a ridiculous in labor race to the hospital via a falling apart Caddy culminates in driving backwards the wrong way on the sidewalk.

Of course, we don't want the ever adorable Corey Haim to get caught sneaking out of the house without a license! Viewers feel along for the ride as another vicarious friend, and questions on if he had mono making him sleep thru the entire driving course affirm the harmless shenanigans before Les' dream night is hampered by his cautious old lady driving and sixteen going on sixty worry over his classic ride. License to Drive lets the characters, performances, and deliveries carry the humor with a drunk driver slicing limes on the dashboard and taglines like “I'm so dead they'll have to bury me twice.” Numerous quips from Haim don't get their due justice in writing, such as his having to go home with a stolen Beetle and claim that “this piece of shit is my grandfather's Cadillac!” Superb parents Richard Masur (One Day at a Time) and the pregnant with every bizarre craving Carol Kane (Scrooged) likewise have memorable laughs, anger, and hysterics. Today Heather Graham's (Boogie Nights) pink dress and party attitude is almost demure – the popular girl accustomed to older men and fancy clubs who's looking for something more while Corey Feldman (the 'burbs) gives speeches about the American Dream being the license in your pocket to be free from the humiliation of riding the school bus. Michael Manasseri (Weird Science) may seem redundant in this The Two Coreys eighties heyday, however he has some fun moments as the geeky straight man alongside Les' bookish twin sister Nina Siemaszko (The West Wing) and her militant boyfriend Grant Heslov (Good Night and Good Luck). He's angry they are going to a protest against society's oppression and materialism in an “imperialist gas guzzler,” i.e. the family Audi.

From the juicy posters in the boys' rooms, “Grandpa” license plates, and a preposterous DOS computer glitch to the breaking the fourth wall asides and humorous actions in the background, there are lots of little things to see in License to Drive. Music cues, choice stings, and fatalistic echoes set off slow motion, wide lenses, zooms, and spin outs as film making touches mirror the teenage ups, downs, and permit torn in two. The boomboxes, chewed up mixed tapes, corded phones, flash bulb camera, big computers, and rolling up the windows invoke technological nostalgia, yet a parent's denying his son a $23,000 BMW remains relatable. The slim ties, blazers with rolled up sleeves, and acid wash jeans...not so much! Perfectly timed Frank Sinatra irony and carefree Billy Ocean tunes accent the likable characters and breezy joyride that aren't meant to be taken too seriously. License to Drive is silly and flawed, absolutely. Did you have to live in the eighties to fully appreciate its carefree adventure? Perhaps. Certainly there's something to be said for manual vehicles without computers and cameras that parallel park for you! Fortunately, License to Drive does what it sets out to do in creating a humorous night on the town. Thanks to today's over analytical cinematic dire and dark buzzkill; this slaphappy, all forgiven, consequence free, sunny escapade could not be made in the post-pandemic era. Get away from it all with License to Drive's charming time capsule and bemusing rite of passage.

Yet More 70s and 80s Horror!

More Horror from Decades Yore!

By Kristin Battestella

Low budget, bad, so bad they are good, or downright scary and entertaining – here’s a quick selection of good, bad, ugly, and macabre from those glorious seventies and eighties of yesteryear. 


 

Dracula (1979) – Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon) takes the Bram Stoker mantle for this update co-starring Laurence Olivier (hello) and Donald Pleasence (Halloween). The streamlined action gets right to it with the turbulent bound for London Demeter, and there are further changes from the 1924 play adaptation – including a Lucy Steward and Mina Van Helsing switcharoo. The howls, thunder, sound effects, and mood music by John Williams (Star Wars) match all the horror visuals, gore and ghouls, transfusions, transformations, chases, fog, and lightshow graphics perfectly.  Not the usual Victorian as expected, the costumes and early cars are an Edwardian treat, and it’s quite nifty to see the traditionally Transylvania happenings take place in Britain instead. Unfortunately, the drab, dark, and surprising not colorful picture might make viewers today dismiss this as old and cheap. I understand the antique black and white-esque designs director John Badham (Saturday Night Fever) was attempting – and the patina does look nice.  However, one expects a certain amount of grandeur with these otherwise wonderful art and set dressings.  Some scenes are too flat and plain when they should have visual depth and be treats for the eye. Thankfully, the action, scares, and a decrepit Carfax Abbey work. The camerawork is creepy, with hypnotic zooms and suspense editing, too. Also of the stage revival, Langella, ironically, has the least accent of anybody. The other Brit cast seems to have a put on classic RP, but his delivery isn’t the clichéd Velcome one may expect. The suave Langella commands your attention nonetheless, and unlike today’s all action or teen dream vamps, the romance and predator balance here is just right. His charisma and the adaptation twists keep us tuned in to whatever new sensuous but oh so wrong treats will unfold next. By contrast, the ill Olivier is somewhat off. It’s amusing to see such a classy actor do horror, yes, but he’s more Velcome put on than Dracula.  He reminds me of the Dracula: Dead and Loving It spoof! I wish there was a new blu-ray release with both this devoid and a colors galore version, and the changes here might displease traditional Stoker fans. Nevertheless, there’s still enough gothic, stylized, and fast-paced drama to make this one worth a gander.

Dolls (1987) – The demented little music and titular creepy, absently staring disembodied heads are immediately effective in this 1987 eerie from director Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator). The British style is also bemusing, with bad English punk chicks and yuppie Dynasty then-sophisticates creating a lovely little ensemble accented by askew filming angles and individual agendas.  I know it all seems corny and passé, but the suspiciously broken down car on stormy night outside a spooky manor with a creepy kid, peculiar old people, and a wicked toy or two premise and gothic atmosphere more than make up for any datedness. Great candlelight, maze like interiors, and antique décor forgives any bad effects and doll animations – which are actually quite good considering the era. The seemingly obvious killer dolls may be cliché, granted, however, the unseen camera perspectives and slow reveal on who or what is doing all the slice and dice violence keeps the suspense and scary just this side of campy. I can see how some of today’s drinking game horror audiences could find this wonderfully humorous, and some scenes are indeed funny and charming, yet the witty and freaky morals are balanced wonderfully. Some viewers may also feel this is merely a supersized Tales from the Crypt episode. After all, there have been similar anthology tellings – Tales from the Hood immediately comes to mind, but more recently Dead Silence and of course, Chucky. Fortunately, at only 77 minutes, the spooky pace and fearful timing are just right here.  

Prince of Darkness – Director John Carpenter reunites with Donald Pleasence (Halloween) and Victor Wong (Big Trouble in Little China) for this 1987 companion piece to The Thing and In the Mouth of Madness, and his pulsing score adds to the freaky atmosphere. Although some of the eighties hair, big mustache hipness, and thirty something college feeling has not stood the test of time, other old technologies and the abandoned church designs are nostalgia cool. The foreboding religious implications and science secrets are also a fine premise, but there’s not a lot of dialogue to start and perhaps too much time is taken to clarify all the metaphysical and theoretical backtalk. Unfortunately, the younger cast delivering the supposedly heavy or likeability is as stiff as their Aqua Net – the forced romancey or hip scenes drag down the picture. I can’t believe that’s Jameson Parker from Simon & Simon!  Rocker Alice Cooper, thankfully, is duly disturbing, and Carpenter has left a few Hammer references and hints to his other films amid the creepy crawlies, evil slime, and sinister symbolism.  There are a few good scare moments and a great ending to set off the underlying ominous, yet this one feels as if it should be better than it is thanks to the slow pace filled with too many characters and poor intercutting.  Even if this one isn’t quite up to what one expects from Carpenter, it’s still a fun watch for enthusiasts on a late night.  

Watchers – An adorable, super smart, pc using dog you can’t help but love and so wish you could have stars alongside Michael Ironside (Total Recall) and the late Corey Haim in this 1988 teen horror chase based partly on the Dean Kootz novel and produced by Roger Corman (The Pit and the Pendulum). Thanks to a secret government science experiment gone awry, an evil monster is on the loose, too, and the vintage news reports and huge old equipment are also fun to see. Although, wow, Haim’s hair is bad, the early make out session is stupid, and the dark farm scares are a little slow to start; the steady variety of kills, frantic mash ups, and point of view editing heighten the scary build. Our monster isn’t revealed with a big CGI panoramic swoop or needlessly cool graphics, and screams, sound effects, and growls add to the rural location fears. It’s nice to see an ungraded or color tweaked picture and the photography adds to the old scares. However, the dated fashions and presentation make this one seem more juvenile than it probably is – a pink wearing, mulleted Jason Priestly (Beverly Hills 90210) calling a computer class teacher a dweeb from atop his BMX, yeah. Likewise, it’s funny to see Haim talking to a dog, because we’ve see him break the fourth wall in classics like Dream a Little Dream and License to Drive sans four legged pals. Though Barbara Williams (Thief of Hearts) is woefully unbelievable and Ironside may seem hokey, he delivers his expected badass.  The writer’s strike and behind the scenes troubles are apparent in the iffy dialogue, but there’s enough twists and entertainment here and in the 1990 direct to video sequel starring Marc Singer and Tracy Scoggins for slightly older tweens or family horror nights.

Now Here’s a Skipper!

The Devil’s Rain – William Shatner, Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerrit, Ida Lupino, and John Travolta star in this somewhat infamous 1975 horror clunker. Things begin well and good with creepy music, eerie paintings, and lots of moans and groans over the main credits. There are scary storms, fearful ladies, and the Satanist dilemma gets on its way quickly enough. Unfortunately, bad makeup begets seriously corny gore effects; the picture is often too dark, and the sound is poor. One might like to call this a horror western due to the setting, but the dusty middle of nowhere just looks old and cheap boonies seventies instead. Unnecessary camera shots of movement from one place to another and slow, confusing scenes where nothing happens don’t help, either. Snails pacing is not foreboding, and the iffy mystery at hand amounts to a lot of double talk and threats but no real explanation. Poor editing between the storylines, visions, and shock photography are literally little more than a flash in the pan in attempt to shake up what seems like a convoluted, overlong episode of a bad horror anthology.  The creepy rituals and black masses are perhaps too realistic, granted. However, segments that should be scary aren’t because the audience is too busy figuring out what the heck is going on.  Can I get an exposition, people! The Puritan flashback might have been more interesting as the whole movie, but otherwise, one should only tune in for the cast amusements. This is just too nonsensical for anything else.  

A Stephen King Viewing List

A Spooky Stephen King Marathon

By Kristin Battestella

For being such a horror buff, I’m not a fan of Stephen King and his books. Stranger still is that I really like films based on his torrid tales. As the macabre season nears, here’s a list of scary King shows to snuggle in with this Halloween.

Carrie- Yes we can all relate to the sheltered, special Sissy Spacek and her demented mother Piper Laurie-both ladies received Oscar nominations for their chilling performances. But its director Brian Depalma’s creepy look at the trauma of high school that stays with us. The gym shower, the prom, the pig’s blood, and an all star supporting cast keep this 1976 flick worthy. Forget any sequels or remakes here.

Christine- The dream of a hot rod gone horribly awry! There are a few past names here-and the film is sometimes billed under director John Carpenter’s clout-but the 1958 Plymouth is the star here. You can still enjoy these creepy car deaths today, and the early eighties motifs and fifties sentimentalities add to the scary nostalgia.

Salem’s Lot (s) - Both the 1979 release from Tobe Hooper and the quickie 2004 version starring Rob Lowe suffice for a night of vampires run amok in a supposedly safe New England inlet. If you’re looking for goth, glamorous vampires-they’re not here; but freaky, old fashioned suspense always works. Comparing both versions back to back might also be fun. Do however skip the useless sequel Return to Salem’s Lot.

The Shining- The recent miniseries adaptation isn’t bad, but you know I’m talking about Stanley Kubrick and Jack Nicholson’s crazy writer stranded at the isolated, snowbound Overlook Hotel. I get tired of all King’s writer protagonists and their hang-ups, but Nicholson owns the alcoholic Jack Torrance and all his drama. Say it with me now, ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’

Silver Bullet- Ah, a wheelchair bound Corey Haim insists there’s a werewolf in town but no one believes him! A well-rounded cast and scary wolf mysteries make you jump in your seat the first time you see this one. Several memorable, frightening scenes here still stick with me 25 years later. Younger audiences might be too frightened-but it’s only a movie, isn’t it?

Pet Semetary- Who hasn’t lost a pet or a loved one and wouldn’t do anything to bring them back? Another simple life truth askewed delightfully into freaky charm and horror. The cast here is small but memorable-Dale Midkiff as the desperate father and Fred Gwynne as the wise old neighbor who meets a very bizarre end. And the baby, well, he’s just so dang cute and disturbing at the same time! This is another one that might be too disturbing and confusing for super young ones.

Misery- James Caan and Oscar winner Kathy Bates are exceptional as a wounded writer and the obsessive fan who’ll do anything to keep him writing what she likes best. Another one memorable and disturbing in its simplicity; the gut wrenching thought of an entire manuscript on the barbeque, the masterfully painful two by four scenes, ouch! Known more for his charming comedies and dramas, Rob Reiner spins the creepy human elements here wonderfully.

Sleepwalkers- Often frowned upon as one of the weaker King pictures; I like Brian Krause and Alice Krige as the freaky mother and son cat people lusting after young meat. It’s bizarre, sexy, gory, and all those cats are really creepy! Maybe the effects aren’t exceptional now, but the cat morphing and slick score add some extra scary spice.

Children of the Corn- This original isn’t the best, and the entire series is fairly lowbrow in plot and effects. Nevertheless, all those rustling cornfields, creepy kids, and plant worship go a long way for a Halloween Harvest marathon. Name players come and go despite the low-budget status; and even if you’ve never actually seen all-count ‘em-seven films, you’ve probably heard of ‘He who walks behind the rows.’ I prefer Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest myself. And to think, I grew up on a farm.

Thinner- After killing a gypsy woman with his car, Robert John Burke is cursed to waste away just by the gypsy king’s touch upon his face. The gypsy plots are a bit stereotypical, yes; but this plays into our fears about what creepy curses they might be capable of. The social analysis of weight, dieting, and such stereotypes are all here, along with the freaky deterioration of body, soul, and self. I guess guilt and food do go together.

Rose Red / Diary of Ellen Rimbauer- If Rose Red were a King novel instead of a miniseries original, I might actually read it. This lengthy analysis of the haunted house, ghosts, greed, parapsychology, and telekinesis develops all its effects, scares, and talent fully. Nancy Travis, Julian Sands, and Emily Deschanel are delightfully creepy here. The prequel telefilm Diary of Ellen Rimbauer fills in King’s back-story, but it’s not as scary or in depth as its preceding sequel. Despite its period piece explanations and charming cast, I’d spend the day with Rose Red first.

Secret Window- A little obvious toward the end, yes, but Johnny Depp fans can enjoy this creepy thriller about an unreliable narrator writer shacked up in the woods with a freaky John Turturro pursuing him over a plagiarized story. There’s nothing super new here, but this one’s creepy and violent enough for a scare or two.

The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys Still Good
By Kristin Battestella

So you have to be an eighties baby to even remember who ‘The Coreys’ are, but the 1987 vampire fest The Lost Boys is worth remembering. Directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Jason Patric, Kiefer Sutherland, Jami Gertz, Diane Wiest, and of course, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, The Lost Boys strength is not in its stale effects but in its memorable characters.

Divorced Mom Lucy (Diane Wiest) moves her sons Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) from Phoenix to Santa Carla, where the boys have a tough time adjusting to Grandpa’s (Barnard Hughes) rules. A Comic enthusiast, Sam makes friends with comic store clerks Edgar and Alan Frog (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander). The Frogs insist St. Carla is swarming with vampires, but Sam doesn’t believe them until Michael becomes involved with Star (Jami Gertz). Star, David (Kiefer Sutherland) and their pals sleep all day and party all night, and Michael is deceived into their wicked ways. When Sam tries to tell his Mother, he interferes with her new romance with video store owner Max (Edward Herrmann).

Well, its been twenty years, so I don’t remember what kind of reception The Lost Boys received at the box office, but the cast was at the time all-star. Some like the Coreys have fallen to drugs and the pressures of fame, but in the late eighties and early nineties they were the Tom Cruise of teen flicks. Hits like License To Drive and Dream A Little Dream catapulted the Coreys to fame. Likewise Kiefer Sutherland was making an early mark in films with bad guy roles here and in Stand By Me (One Corey was in that one, Feldman.)

The Lost Boys succeeds because its well rounded cast gives a feeling of realism. Unlike pretty vampire films like Interview With The Vampire and Underworld, this teen vampire gang and the boys in its web have parents, jobs, and authority with which to deal. When summarizing the story, there isn’t much beyond the usual vampire fair. Someone is suspected of being a vampire, someone is a vampire, vampire gets good guy under his spell, conflicted vampire helps in big vampire overthrow finale. Whew. The Lost Boys has all of this, but Schumacher finds the line between taking the film to seriously and being able to laugh at itself.

Memorable scenes from all the actors showcase each’s range, and the script offers lovely moments of humor and real life to keep the vampires in perspective. From Corey Haim’s bathtub serenade to pot smoking Grandpa’s insistence that ‘If you have a TV Guide, you don’t need a TV.’, The Lost Boys keeps it light without becoming ridiculously humorous like forgettable eighties vampire flicks Once Bitten or My Best Friend Is A Vampire. Where its needs to be light, The Lost Boys plays up the Coreys, but when the film turns dark, it can get very dark, even frightening.

Naturally, Kiefer Sutherland and his biker brood seem alluring to Michael at first, but after David’s true nature is revealed to him, things become very hazy. The infamous ‘Maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots’ can be funny, but the ambiguous imagery and haunting pop score add a dark undercurrent to the film. When the vampire killing begins and the blood sucking action goes all out, its very easy for the audience to root for Sam and The Frog Brothers’ rescue of Michael, the tormented vampire Star, and the peculiar child vampire Laddie.

There’s no doubt that in 1987, The Lost Boy’s style and effects were at the forefront of Hollywood. Even with restoration to DVD, today these vampire action scenes can look, well, hokey. The flying vampire scenes seem artsy and avante guarde like other colorful Schumacher films, and the vampire booby traps don’t seem as inventive as they did then. But of course, if anyone else tried filling a bathtub with garlic and holy water, everyone would know it was copied from The Lost Boys. Just like the scene in which Sam and The Frog brothers try and prove Max is a vampire by putting mirrors about the dinner table, many of the hijinks here made a stamp on the vampire genre. It doesn’t mean they are perfect today, but that’s not the point either.

Vampire fans looking for more story than CGI should pick up The Lost Boys on DVD. The single disc is affordable and the more recent Two Disc Special Edition carries its fair share of extras-including the standard deleted scenes, commentaries, and documentary features. Younger fans who enjoy the stylized Underworld type might not like Boys, but if given the chance, new audiences will relate and appreciate what’s trying to be said.

Rated R, The Lost Boys has sexuality, violence, and scares that are too heavy for tweens or younger. If you have a spooky youngin, edited airings of The Lost Boys can be found on cable. The important thing is to not let the idea of older production values hinder your viewing experience. The Lost Boys is a must for any budding vampire enthusiast.