A Disappointing Guy Pearce Trio

 

A Disappointing Guy Pearce Trio

by Kristin Battestella

I was saving these ho-hum reviews for other science fiction or action lists – spreading out my Guy Pearce career re-watch as needed. However, it's not really my Mike from Neighbors bias showing if the movies are kind of...not good, right?

Brand New World – I remember seeing this 1998 decidedly British parable also known as Woundings on television a long, long time ago. Though interesting, it seemed edited or that I missed something because nothing made sense. Without subtitles, the thick accents and mumbling dialogue contribute to the confusion despite talent such as Guy Pearce (Lockout), Johnathon Schaech (That Thing You Do!), Charlie Creed-Miles (Essex Boys), and Ray Winstone (Beowulf). At its simplest, this is women entertaining traumatized troops tired of the saucy sheep jokes and on to new fishy mermaid quips. Crappy commercials promise romance and adventure for these “Roses of England” leaving shabby Manchester behind, but the bawdy soldiers get right to the manhandling along the lovely Isle of Man coast. Winking pop music and colorful hooker stylings seem more eighties than the supposed futuristic amid juvenile dances, balloons, and now tame raunchy. Local girls the men supposedly love are beaten and threatened before being replaced by the Englishwomen, for oppressors who apparently saved the day haven't left now that the war is finished. The women observe the soldiers' delicate mine defusing work in tense scenes, but battle action flashbacks are treated as music montage heady brought on by the awkward sex. Of course, the women are blamed for the men's problems and apparently driven to lesbianism thanks to a William-esque regent who greets all newlyweds just to make out with the bride. The extreme training versus returning to society statements are lost in the trying to be edgy, pointless, nonsensical scenes that seem intentionally weird – undercutting the straightforward filming and compromising dramatic momentum. Whether these were already crazy, outlier misfits to start or subsequent shell shock extremes is never answered, and it takes an hour for the heavy to hit home. Fortunately, it is bemusing to see weakling Pearce groveling under Winstone's demented colonel. I love Pearce's dedication to mucking up his teeth for a character, and he takes Sarah-Jane Potts (Kinky Boots) to the cemetery. That's my kind of date! Well lit eeriness accents fine revenge, body bags, and limbs on the battlefield while distorted camera angles mirror the oppressive with large background figures looming over the small people at the forefront. A man holding a toy purple gun at a woman foreshadows the sexual implications as well as the one on one cliff side confrontations – for one way or another, the cowardly soldier will prove his manhood. Despite a great cast, lovely locales, and potential social commentary; the overlong, low budget incomprehensible never puts the pieces all together. I almost wish the same cast would remake this right.

Domino – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jamie Lannister), Carice van Houten (Melisandre), and Guy Pearce (Melisandre's non-Shadow Baby Daddy) star in director Brian De Palma's (Scarface) 2019 international thriller opening with Copenhagen style, buddy cops, and saucy night shifts. Rustic locales, staircases, and classy colors contrast the night time shadows, seedy, and edgy before seemingly simple domestic calls lead to elevators and bloody revelations. Foreground and background splices show both slights of hand, but surprising police mistakes hurt the gory victims, rooftop chases, perilous falls, and shadowy men in suits. Split screens parallel the gentile upstairs of the CIA safe house and its captivity below with intimidating video interrogations and threatening kids, but the overbearing score draws attention to itself. Fade in intercuts on scenes that are so thematically different make the film seem unfinished with hasty, disjointed pacing and tough to follow terrorist attacks that aren't fully explained. Why are we firing on people at a film premiere like a first person shooter video game? Personal violence, bone cracking, inner turmoil, and revenge are better brutal, yet we repeatedly leave potential triangles, quiet moments, mirrors, and unique angles for an attempted mainstream terrorism thriller chopping off people's heads. Between police investigations, belying suspect encounters, unnecessary bad guys, and explosive CIA puzzles, there are just too many stories at once. The primary character relationships should be enough with suspensions, affairs, and conflict at the top; but with international scene changes, fast continental travel, and Copenhagen police so far out of their jurisdiction in Spain, there's little time for dramatic conversations and truth amid the espionage. Critical character moments are stupidly revealed via scrolling through their smartphone photos, and wise audiences can spot the foreshadowing in the first ten minutes. Convenient clues are given to the characters in the last half hour, compromising the intrigue as artistic locations give way to silly drones and cliché bullfights. Binocular views, silent chases, and decoys are nice touches, but the suspense is inexplicably detached rather than Hitchcockian man alone. Are we supposed to care or be afraid and for whom? Spectators don't notice vendors shooting people at an event? Our in over their heads cops never inform authorities and it's a kick in the groin that saves the day? With six minutes of credits, this is a busy eighty-two minutes when we should have simply stayed with our initial police as they unravel the CIA revelations in the finale. Strange music cues more heroic than in danger acerbate the falling apart motivation and confusing messages. It's more important to arrest a man for a stabbing in Denmark than let him do his necessary CIA dirty work? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Seeking Justice – Nicolas Cage (National Treasure) and January Jones (X-Men: First Class) join Guy Pearce in this ham-fisted 2011 revenge thriller that starts with rape and descends into more awkwardness as it strays from the original justice. Nonsensical, overly contrived machinations trap innocent people into doing a secret vigilante group's dirty work when the elusive organization obviously has the means to do everything themselves. Threatening to murder the victimized, chasing people into traffic, framing an investigative reporter – how is this justice? Cops in on the “hungry rabbit jumps” passwords wink at the entire mob-like effort: if they do something for you, you have to do something for them via the right candy bar from the vending machine, buying a pack of gum, or mailing letters to Santa at the zoo. Such convoluted Rube Goldbergs at the hot dog stand aren't amusing for the audience, and any commentary about ineffectual legalese, bad law enforcement, the secret wealthy, or who you know being able to take vengeance into their own hands gets lost in the inexplicable. Phones, disc evidence, convenient car technology, computer ease, and newspaper snooping are very dated on top of obvious storage sheds, copies of copies, and preposterous incriminating footage. Supposedly elaborate Simon Says voiceovers become a chore to watch amid loud Monster Trucks shows, roundabout shootouts, and abandoned malls complete with mannequin decoys. District school teacher Cage is out of breath and not up to the action with Jones' local cellist – a very unrealistic and unbelievable couple living well beyond their means in a swanky New Orleans loft. Flashes of the attack and the injured woman in the hospital are more about his anger than her assault. Rather than her target practice or experiencing her recovery, we follow how his life is turned upside down by saying no to this vigilante organization. If he had been assaulted and couldn't deal with it while this group further terrorizes him with the repercussions, that would have been compelling. Instead, one wonders if the men should have reversed roles, for Cage hamming it up as a maniacal baddie enjoying the pursuit could have been interesting. Pearce is an intriguing, suave, commanding thug, but he'd be much more believable as the caught up every man evenly matched with Jones. By time we're down to the man alone on the run and the sacrificial Black best friend, there's no reason to stick around unless you are fans of the cast. I can't lie though, when Guy Pearce jokes about tax evasion to Nicolas Cage, I guffawed.

Have I see each of these movies more than they deserve? Yes. 🤣

Dickens, Quatro.

And a Few New Charles Dickens Analyses!

By Kristin Battestella

Why? Because Chuck’s Bicentennial knows no bounds!

Great Expectations (2011) – This most recent 3 part television production is lead by an unrecognizably wonderful, almost ghostly Gillian Anderson (The X-Files), a totally glorious David Suchet (Poirot), the perfectly pompous Mark Addy (Game of Thrones), and a quite menacing Ray Winstone (Beowulf). Young stars Oscar Kennedy and Izzy Meikle-Small (Never Let Me Go) are also endearing in the first hour and up to challenge of the mature cast in bringing these quintessential Dickensian characters to life.  The ironies of high and low in comparison with wealth and circumstances are in absolute form here- far, far better in style, transition to the screen, and audience joy than contemporary wastes like the 1998 update featuring Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow.  The bleak but vivid locations indoors and out are fittingly depressing- the murky bogs, the hauntingly cobwebbed Havisham House, candlelit ambiance, and early 19^th wispy décor and costumes.  While it is nice to see him as the lovely good guy Herbert Pocket for a change, I’m also getting a bit tired of seeing Dickens’ descendant Harry Lloyd (Game of Thrones) in everything, I must say. Likewise, he’s not my favorite Pip and Douglas Booth (Worried About the Boy) is perhaps a little too pretty, wooden, and dry, but he nevertheless carries the sympathy and arrogance needed for Pip’s twists and turns. Vanessa Kelly (Labyrinth) is also somewhat snotty, but that is Estella’s very allure.  People are indeed still playing revenge with each other’s hearts and fortunes, after all.

The Mystery of Edwin Drood - Dickens’ final incomplete tale seems to have garnered new attention with recent stage and literary off shoots- even if it is perhaps impossible to conclude this murder and romance plot befittingly of Our Man Charlie. However, this fine 2012 television attempt has the proper mood lighting and cinematography, a shadowy Victorian underbelly style, and a few twisted villainous personas for good measure. The cast- including properly pissy Tazmin Merchant (The Tudors), stuffy and fun Ian McNiece (Rome, Doctor Who), and a creepy freaky Matthew Rhys (Brothers & Sisters) - does solid as always in these imported PBS/Masterpiece period projects.  There are some intriguingly modern suggestions from Dickens, with opium-addicted choirmaster Jasper and his lecherous looks upon young ladies easily garnering a shudder or two. Even with such thematic darkness, screenwriter Gwyneth Hughes adds darker complexities and contemporary suspense designs, and the approach simply isn’t as taut or interwoven as work straight from The Man Himself. The conclusion here takes what seems to be a fairly easy way out- the 21^st century twist rather than Victorian happenstance, justice, and irony. Fortunately, the very unfinished circumstances that can hinder any Drood adaptation also make this one a worthy witness for any Dickensian fan or scholarly seminar.  

The Old Curiosity Shop (2007) – The picture here is very dark and perhaps tough to see and subtitles will be a must, but the decrepit streets and candle light look Dickensian perfection. Derek Jacobi (Little Dorrit) shines again as the good-natured but always financially ill grandfather against the wicked and nasty Toby Jones (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) as Quilp, and Zoe Wanamaker (Harry Potter, David Copperfield) adds much needed levity for this very bleak implication of death being the only way to escape debt’s extremes. Sophie Vavasseur (Northanger Abbey) as Nell is immediately likeable thanks to her would be beauty amid the low and salacious- but the endearing built-in Dickens innocence and similarities to other tales of wealthy woe can seem tiring or laid on too thick. After all, the PBS producers here also brought us the aforementioned Great Expectations, The Mystery of Edwin Drood, and Bleak House.  Perhaps the brooding is slow and obvious or expected if you binge so much Dickens material at once, but by gosh, living in a society where one’s aptitude is determined by his or her- or worse another’s- financial power really sucks.  Not only can we completely relate, but it is also seriously upsetting to see the way people can still be bought and sold with the same ease and cruelty today. The short 90 minutes here feels a little too quick compared to other miniseries heavies, but this swift debt debate fits well for a secondary education Dickens introduction.  Not that I haven’t given you enough Dickensian media from which to choose!

A Tale of Two Sweeney Todds

A Tale of Two Sweeney Todds

By Kristin Battestella

Despite liking musicals new and old as well as films with a touch of the macabre, I wasn’t too interested in Johnny Depp and Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street amid it’s theatrical hype. However, when I discovered there was also a lesser known, purely dramatic version of our favorite homicidal barber starring Ray Winstone, well then I had to take a peak at both!

Returning to England after being wrongfully imprisoned by Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman), Benjamin Barker becomes Sweeney Todd (Depp) and resumes his barbering business with the help of Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), who’s meat pie shop is struggling below the cuttery. Todd plots to save his daughter Johanna (Jayne Wisener) from Turpin’s lustful household with the help of her admirer Anthony Hope (Jamie Campbell Bower)- but his vengeance begins with slitting the throats of his customers and then disposing of the bodies in Mrs. Lovett’s now tasty pies.

Well, the macabre is certainly an integral part of Sweeney Todd. While Stephen Sondheim’s (Dick Tracy, West Side Story) 1979 musical production stems from Christopher Bond’s 1973 play, the musical bend must indeed work best on the stage, for director Burton’s (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas) mishmash of song and blood does not work cinematically. Sweeney Todd has no choreography or complex dance numbers as we would expect in a musical-no matter what the subject matter. Although I have to say dancing would have been even worse, nevertheless we expect more than fast zooming CGI of London to accompany the big musical crescendos. That’s your action, CGI? Why make the effort to have realistic music and lyrics if it’s going to be a so obviously fake landscape? All the musical big booms happen when people are standing still, and the notes they’re holding aren’t so big anyway. What’s to catch and awe the audience?

I’m in the minority for disliking Sweeney Todd, I know, and it’s a shame for the drama is quite fine. The period and despair harkens to a Dickensian feel. Fate and story collide with coincidence and irony. It’s the uneven distribution of song and seriousness that hampers the true dramatic development-as proven by the nearly song free final half hour. Sweeney Todd’s conclusion is its finest hour, but you have to get through all the bad singing to get to it! The cockney accents don’t seem fit for the singing, and truthfully, the leads don’t sing that well.

The split personality of Sweeney Todd also hurts the performances. I get the feeling this film is meant to be a black comedy. However, as bizarre, weird, and macabre as the visuals and lyrics are; the musical styles and singing montages are still too happy for the twisted story. What are we supposed to feel while Todd is singing the ballad for his lost daughter Joanna whilst he’s killing innocent customers at his barbery? It’s just too weird for a truly dramatic, emotional connection. Thankfully, Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean, From Hell, The Ninth Gate) is worthy outside of the singing and bizarrity. His skill, depth, and range of emotion from the maniacal murderer to the tragic husband and father are all there. Nevertheless, the arrangement of Sweeney Todd never lets us forget that ‘OMG! It’s Jack Sparrow Singing! in a Freaky dark musical directed by Tim Burton!’

Despite my complaints, the sadistic murders and seriously kinky drama here is wonderful. If you’re looking for the seriousness of Sweeney Todd, the long spaces without music about the middle of the picture are delightful. But of course, the bipolar style rears its ugly head again, making the quiet scenes seem at odds with the musically laden opening. When Alan Rickman (Harry Potter) gets his tune, you suddenly realize how ridiculous it is for this horror movie to be a musical. Alan fricking Snape badass Rickman singing while laid back in a barber’s chair with a deadly blade to his throat. It’s not Jailhouse Rock I’ll tell you that!

The talented support also only has few and far between moments. Thankfully, Timothy Spall (Harry Potter, Auf Wiedersehen Pet) and a little too over the top Sasha Baron Cohen (Borat) make the most of their time. Of course, I haven’t forgotten Helena Bonham Carter (A Room with a View, The Wings of the Dove) as Mrs. Lovett. The oft-nominated star and quirky companion of Burton is exceptional dramatically-but she’s annoying as hell vocally and visually. Again, the feeling that she only got the part because she and her husband are kind of freaky and macabre is intensified by her weak singing and goofy look. Sadly, this trumps her performance. If her Bellatrix in Harry Potter got this kind of screen time in that franchise, however, I would be quite happy.

Fortunately, I have more praise for the BBC’s 2006 production of Sweeney Todd. This purely dramatic edition directed by Dave Moore (Merlin, The Forsyte Saga, Peak Practice) didn’t get nearly as much press as its flashy successor, and honestly I don’t know why. After serving twenty years in prison due to the crimes of his father, Sweeney Todd (Winstone) curbs his quiet, good-natured barbering and surgeoning whilst slitting the throats of the wicked jailers and street urchins who enter his barbery. After befriending and attempting to romance the widowed Mrs. Lovett (Essie Davis), Todd helps her set up a new meat pie business beneath his shop. From above, he is able to observe her suitors, dispense of them quickly, and donate fresh meat towards her juicy pies.

Ray Winstone (Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, The Departed, King Arthur, Beowulf) may not be as well known or beloved in America as Johnny Depp is, and it’s a damn shame. His subtle, yet sinister and kindhearted Todd is a lovely and somber performance. He dispenses justice by killing those who harm women and pain children whilst also healing kind hearted youths and performing- oxymoron as it is- kindly and comforting abortions. The examination of the sinister mixed with the faithful doctoring is slower than the spectacle of Burton’s presentation. The viewer has to pay attention to the silent ruthlessness of a man who kills because of the cynical hell on earth he witnesses, yet also seeks to make people happy where he can. Winstone is much quieter, but no less charming in his portrayal-and he does it with pure acting, not stressful singing. He’s not considered a hottie or such to the American girlie girl teens like Depp, but it’s impossible to take your eyes off Winstone in his Sweeney Todd. His barber kills Mrs. Lovett’s lovers and then presents their meat to her for cooking in her steak pies! It’s not a quirky sing a long duet here, just all disturbed Sweeney. In one twisted moment, he allows his adorable apprentice Tobias (Ben Walker, The Golden Compass) to eat one of the nefarious pies before sending him away with five guineas towards a better life. This Sweeney is much more complex than Depp’s strained appeal trying to charm the masses.

Essie Davis’ (Australia, The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions) turn as Mrs. Lovett is equal to Winstone in her somewhat more honest portrayal than Helena Bonham Carter’s crushing and happy to kill performance. Here, Lovett is beaten by her husband and is mostly uninvolved in Todd’s debauchery, yet she’s a bit kinky and loose- trouble that comes back to haunt her and change her baking business. It’s quite a pair to observe here. Todd loves Mrs. Lovett from afar and cares for her with as equal devotion as his deadly barbery. It’s more twisted than Bonnie and Clyde but no less enjoyable to watch. David Bradley (Hot Fuzz, another one of the Potter folk) is also delightfully dirty and creepy as the lecherous and blackmailing Father who abandoned Todd to prison. David Warner (Doctor Who, Hornblower, Titanic) and Tom Hardy (RocknRolla, Layer Cake) are also period piece fine as the investigator and his idealistic lieutenant closing in on Todd.

More focus is spent on the messy, Old World mix of barber skills and medical surgery in our 2006 version. Where Depp and Burton’s interpretation can be for the macabre youthful viewer, this one is not for kiddies or the faint of heart. The medical gore is more pronounced, and a few questionable sex scenes put more fuel on Sweeney Todd’s fire. A Todd who has horrid prison stories and some subsequent impotence and jealousy is far more interesting to watch as a killer than an attempt at a heartwarming but deadly family man barber. The nudity and deaths are not darkly comical by any means. However, the candlelit and natural daylight colors in this smaller television production are in some ways more pleasing to the eye than all the black, garish CGI in the musical edition. The wardrobe is perfectly colonial, too, not steampunk. I adore this straightly dramatic, thrilling, and artful production more compared to the finely decrepit costumes and art decoration from Burton’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. The musical’s positive values are simply too tainted by the over use of CGI. Perhaps Burton’s version was so popular not for its goth look and dramatic performances, but simply because it was achieved. You can have highbrow actors in a not all warm and fuzzy musical, who knew? Well, anyone who’s been following musicals knew. Sweeney Todd seems almost like a capitalistic gimmick; a who you know outside Hollywood but Hollywood approved combination of Moulin Rouge and Saw! The fine story, emotion, and drama need not such sensationalism. The 2006 edition is proof of this.

I used to like Burton’s subtle and creepy early work, and a long time ago, I did have a Depp phase- 21 Jump Street and Cry Baby, anyone? More and more, however, I feel this working pair is far too similar to Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe-too full of themselves and the extremes of what they are doing to the point of parodying themselves and banking on a niche audience always going to see anything with their names attached. I had high hopes for the Burton and Depp collaboration for a big screen adaptation of Dark Shadows. They own the rights to the series now and are of the macabre bend to do such a gothic classic. However, on the one hand, they are too busy with every other project to take the time in getting to Dark Shadows; and secondly, if this is how they are going to do, no thanks.

Well! While we wait for all that, there’s plenty here for both Burton and Depp fans-and Winstone lovers- to enjoy. Goth fans and lovers of quirky off beat film can enjoy Depp’s musical, and appreciators of suspense and Brit thrillers can keep hold of the dramatic 2006 Sweeney Todd. Both can be found for purchase affordably or through renting means. I must say, however, that my rented blu-ray of the 2007 musical froze like hell, but I suppose all the fast paced visuals are better served on blu-ray. The 2006 DVD is billed as a Director’s Cut, but there are no subtitles or any thing else with this bare bones edition- of course, there were plenty of treats with Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. The Todd enthusiast will delight in all that, but I fear mainstream audiences are a little left in the cold and thus missing out on a finely twisted tale. Non-musical fan won’t bother with Depp’s take nor would non-fans of British period piece flicks bother with Winstone’s show. Ideally, the best take would be the happy medium-no songs and more approachability; but if I must choose, I choose Winstone!

View, compare, or choose your close shave tonight-and be thankful to the makers of Gillette and Lady Bic!

Summer Sees and Skips

Summer Sees and Skips for the Whole Family

By Kristin Battestella

With all the holidays and vacays, you and you’re family need to know what to watch during you’re summer movie nights. Here are some tips on what to enjoy- along with a few pictures to avoid.

See and Enjoy

Napoleon Dynamite- After finally seeing this 2004 teen comedy I was pleasantly surprised by its coming of age wit and awkward stuck in the eighties silliness. Not quite for children, but teens and folks who remember graphic t-shirts will laugh.

Little Miss Sunshine- A fine ensemble cast-including Steve Carell, Toni Collette, and Alan Arkin- gives this quiet picture the umph, charm, and plenty of humor. Some parts are a little sentimental, and you should know if you’re kids can handle some of the heavier subject matter before viewing; but this one has drama and family analysis for the intelligent audience.

Mr. Bean’s Holiday-He’s not as cruel as he used to be, but Mr. Bean’s hijinks still have laugh out loud moments and English wit for the whole family. This road trip sequel does far better than the titular Bean and even has some heart-warming charm, too.

The Departed- Put the kids to bed for this gritty undercover cop and mole game from director Martin Scorsese. Plenty of hardware and fine action from Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Mark Wahlberg add spice and intrigue-and more than make up for an ambiguous ending.

The 6th Day- Sure there’s action that we expect from Arnold Schwarzenegger, but this 2000 sci-fi thriller has science, intelligence, and religious debate to thicken the mix. More than just an excuse to have two Arnolds about, director Roger Spottiswoode presents cloning issues that aren’t that far from current science.

Yes Man- Jim Carrey’s latest starts off like Liar, Liar but grows into a charming mix of humor and drama. Fine support from Zooey Deschanel and Terrence Stamp add reflection and warmth. Outside of brief nudity and innuendo, the whole family can enjoy-not often said for a Carrey picture.

Traitor- Don Cheadle and Guy Pearce are dynamite in this international thriller. Touching upon the FBI, CIA, radical Islam, and the American Way, Traitor is complex, intelligent, intricate, and yet wrapped with a fine cast and realistic action.

Donnie Darko- A little obvious and weird; but a fine ensemble, intriguing premise, and good old teen angst keep this quirky picture interesting. Go for the Director’s Cut DVD for more scenes and food for thought.

Finding Neverland- Sentimental and full of Victorian Charm, fans of Kate Winslet, Johnny Depp, and all things Peter Pan will love this little film. The whole family can enjoy the drama, fantasy, and trouble with growing up while learning a thing or too about J.M. Barrie.

Avoid

In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale- I have tried to watch this poor imitation of the Lord of the Rings at least a dozen times. So many things are wrong with this Uwe Boll film-from the blatant Peter Jackson ripoffs to the woeful cast. Ray Liotta’s Goodfellas’ delivery does not work with Matthew Lillard and his Shaggy squeaks-and that’s if you can figure out what the hell is going on.

The Golden Compass- Another children’s fantasy book rushed to the screen, creating a mishmash of effects with an incomplete story. Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig are wasted along with some fine young talent. Some were upset about the anti-Catholic sentiments in the novels, but there isn’t much of anything worthwhile here.

Pathfinder- We don’t see nearly enough Viking pictures, but a great story idea is lost amid all the action and barely there bad dialogue. What might have happened if Vikings encountered early Native Americans? The racial stereotypes here certainly don’t tell us.

The Other Boleyn Girl-I like Medieval films and Tudoresque material, but this adaptation of the Philippa Gregory novel boils the reign of one of England’s most infamous monarchs down to a sisterly catfight. Erica Bana, Natalie Portman, and Scarlet Johansson are wonderful elsewhere, but an international cast was not needed for what should be some definitive Englishness.

Henry VIII

Henry VIII Fine Television Production

By Kristin Battestella

I’ve always had an interest in history and British monarchy, even before this recent resurgence with The Tudors and The Other Boleyn Girl. I like the former greatly and heartily dislike the ladder. So I took a chance on the 2003 British television production Henry VIII. The Verdict? Praise.

When Henry VIII (Ray Winstone) becomes the King of England, he quickly becomes obsessed with securing a male heir. Bastard sons and daughter Princess Mary will not do, despite the continued prayers from her mother, Queen Katherine of Aragon (Assumpta Serna). When Anne Boleyn (Helena Bonham Carter) comes to court, Henry is quickly smitten. He goes against the Pope and seeks to divorce his wife, forever dividing England and the Catholic Church.

 

Henry VIII is more historically accurate than the recent youthful, sexy Tudor adaptations. Its focus on Henry leaves some history and persons by the wayside, but this tight style allows for more soul searching on the monarch’s part. The limited hours, however, speed the storyline up greatly. The treasonous Duke of Buckingham is dealt with very quickly, and in brutal action sequences rather than political talks and trials. Likewise, the jousts are brief, but loud and vicious. The costumes, sets, looks and locales are all authentic and charming. Expenses onscreen were not spared, thankfully, though the candlelight and colors seem old world and saturated somehow- not as vibrant as those other shows. However, this fits the castle sets and historical locations.

It is unfortunately tough to tell who is who at court, and the names and titles of all the dukes and graces are not always given in Henry VIII. The Reformation is also thrust to the viewer very suddenly with secret meetings and more people that you’re not sure who is who. I appreciate the respect the audience is given; assuming we are all educated enough to know the back story of Mary Boleyn, The Reformation, and Queen Katherine of Aragon’s marriage to Henry’s ill brother Arthur. I do fear that this also makes Henry VIII too highbrow for the casual, young viewer.

Normally I adore Helena Bonham Carter (The Wings of the Dove, Harry Potter, Howard’s End, Sweeney Todd), but it seems I’m alone in feeling she is miscast here as Anne Boleyn. She doesn’t seem naturally pretty enough to charm the king and is far too fresh and even bitchy towards Henry. She also turns from hating him to infatuation to love far too quickly, and then we’re supposed to feel happy for her when she becomes Queen. It is then, somehow pleasing, to see her dramatic trial and subsequent dicey disposal.

Ray Winstone (Beowulf, King Arthur) is not a heartthrob like those other King Henrys we’ve recently seen, but his hefty look and booming voice are more in keeping with the historical Henry we dramatize so much. His early devotion to Queen Katherine is beautiful and well played, unlike his obsessed letters and shout outs over Anne Boleyn. He doesn’t feel as charming when chasing after Anne, and after this queenly switcheroo, I don’t feel sorry for Henry when Elizabeth is born-instead of the son he so eagerly desires. I like the older King who wants a son to secure his lineage, not the lovesick horny guy chasing a woman whose sister he has already gotten pregnant.

Assumpta Serna (Sharpe) is a delight as Katherine of Aragon. She’s a bit too humble and overly devout, but her Spanish authenticity is wonderful. I think she is also made up to look older and uglier than she is, but we see too little of her nonetheless. Cardinal Wosley (David Suchet, Poirot), Thomas Cromwell (Danny Webb, Doctor Who), and the Duke of Norfolk (Mark Strong, Sharpe) also seem wasted in this first part. Jane Seymour (Emilia Fox, Silent Witness) concludes the wives showcased in part 1 of Henry VIII, but again her plainness doesn’t seem worthy of the king.

Director Pete Travis (Endgame) and scriptwriter Peter Morgan (The Other Boleyn Girl, The Queen, Frost/Nixon) blend tight, old fashioned dialogue with swift action, and the music from veteran composer Robert Lane (Merlin) compliments the screen with period authenticity and classic score. While I’m glad this series is available on DVD, there are no features and subtitles on disc 1. Despite the talented (but misused) cast, the rushed time and limited length hinder Henry VIII. Fine production values and a strong performance from Winstone, however, make the show. I am to say the least, eager for Part 2.

Now that second wife Anne Boleyn (Helena Bonham Carter) has been beheaded, King Henry VIII (Ray Winstone) has found brief happiness-and a son- with Jane Seymour (Emilia Fox). Unfortunately Catholic revolts led by soldier Robert Aske (Sean Bean) cause trouble for the King, as does the marital meddling of Thomas Cromwell (Danny Webb) and the Duke of Norfolk (Mark Strong).

Ray Winstone is still on form as the King torn between love, the church, wives, and betrayal for part 2 of Henry VIII. We have brief moments of a mournful, reflective Henry, but we’re also treated to an equally deceptive, ambitious, and gluttoness ruler. It’s not uneven acting on Winstone’s part; Henry VIII was just that messed up. In fact, Winstone’s soft, gentile style mixed with his boisterous body and voice bring life into that famous portrait we spend so much time dramatizing.

All right, I can’t help myself, so I may as well get to it. I adored Sean Bean’s appearance as Yorkshire revolt leader Robert Aske. Though the departed Helena Bonham carter is still billed second for this latter half and Bean is given ‘and Sean Bean’; the Sharpe actor rivals the power and onscreen weight of Ray Winstone like no pretty female actress can. His scenes are brief; but the medieval leather clad, horse-riding Bean is a delight to route for. We ended Part 1 largely with Anne Boleyn- seeing Henry last as an angry and vengeful husband. Opening Henry VIII here with the brutal destruction of Catholic monasteries and valiant words from Bean’s Aske instantly sets us up for the wicked and self-indulgent King that is to come. I wish there had been more of Winstone and Bean together. Do you hear me casting directors? Hear ye, hear ye!

Unfortunately, Jane Seymour (Emilia Fox) comes and goes too quickly in Henry VIII. Understandable in the scope of history, but Henry’s infatuation with her is definitely rushed in comparison with all the romance given to Anne Boleyn. Likewise Anne of Cleeves (Pia Girard) comes and goes in only a handful of minutes, and it is again tough to tell who is who as Henry’s court changes with his wives. Thankfully, there’s a bit more time spent on Catherine Howard (Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada). Ray Winstone is considerably made up and aged for the film, so it is bizarre to see the bearded and hefty King with the beautiful teenager Catherine. We know this odd pair will not end well. And of course, we conclude with Catherine Parr (Clare Holman, Blood Diamond)-the lucky one in the school phrase ‘Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.’

The final fifteen minutes of Henry VIII gives us a wonderful deathbed sequence from Winstone, and of course, the obligatory fates of his children Edward, Mary, and Elizabeth. Of all the Tudoresque productions out there, they do have one common theme. Henry VIII may have brought a lot of political and personal turmoil to his country, but through Elizabeth, he also brought about one of the greatest empires on earth.

Despite its lack of subtitles, disc 2 of Henry VIII fortunately has a thirty minute behind the scenes feature with reflections on history and drama from Ray Winstone, Helena Bonham Carter, Assumpta Serna, and Sean Bean. Henry VIII does pack a lot in its two parts-maybe too much- but it is historically accurate for the most part. There’s a bit of blood and violence amid all the old speaketh, but nothing too disturbing for today’s audiences. Where The Tudors and The Other Boleyn Girl are not for the young as well as old, teachers might enjoy a classroom showing of Henry VIII. Without all the sex and R rated romance, Henry VIII is also just right for parents wishing to give young folks some education. It has no doubt already been studied and dissected by Tudor aficionados. Fans of the cast will also enjoy. Buy or rent Henry VIII for a night of family history for you and yours. Off with her head!

Beowulf (s)

A Tale of Two Beowulfs

By Kristin Battestella

 Who hasn’t tried his hand at an adaptation of the epic ode Beowulf?  From Star Trek: Voyager’s ‘Heroes and Demons’ to 1999’s out there sci-fi Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert, this ancient tale is never far from our consciousness.  Such was the case when I viewed both Gerard Butler’s 2005 Beowulf & Grendel and the 2007 motion capture feat Beowulf.

We know the story well enough.  Danish King Hrothgar, his wife Weaththeow, and his Heorot Mead Hall are plagued by repeated attacks from the monster Grendel.  Old friend from Geatland Beowulf arrives with his heroic reputation preceding him.  After defeating Grendel by cutting off his arm, Beowulf also kills Grendel’s vengeful mother and then a dragon. Eventually Beowulf also becomes a king himself.

 

Although not as horrendous as the Sci-Fi Channel 2007 original Grendel starring Ben Cross and Marina Sirtis, both Butler’s Icelandic production and Robert Zemeckis’ mocap piece leave much to be desired.  Director Sturla Gunnarsson filmed his Beowulf & Grendel on location in Iceland with an all star cast, including 300 star Gerard Butler as Beowulf and Stellan Skarsgard (Mamma Mia!) as Hrothgar.

 This international cast and beautiful locations add a touch of authenticity to Beowulf & Grendel.  The story from Andrew Rai Berzins is close enough to the original poem, minus bookends about Grendel’s father and child.  Here Grendel and his mother are merely creepy, deformed oafish sea people.  The film, unfortunately takes a turn for the worst when people speak.  F bombs mixed with modern speech and old speaketh like make for some ridiculous exposition.  The battle scenes, although small scale, are done well.  If only the costumes didn’t look like this year’s Halloween clearance swords and chain mail.  Everyone is so damn dirty and beyond the main cast you can’t tell who the heck is who.

For some reason, modern folks need to add sex and juiciness to perfectly good stories, and Beowulf & Grendel suffers greatly from this. I could forgive the bad script and poor costumes if it weren’t for the silly and laughable Grendel raping the needlessly there hot witch Selma (Sarah Polley, Road to Avonlea). As if this weren’t weird enough, when Selma tells all this to Beowulf, he mounts her, too.  This creepy yet somehow humorous sequence of events is still stuck in my head. 

 Giving me the giggles for similar reasons is the 2007 motion captured Beowulf, starring Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, and Angelina Jolie.  At first I must say the look of this film is stunning; an entire film made through motion capture computer technology.  Lovely actor performances and actions put into a computer then tweaked to our visual hearts’ delights.  It’s a technological feat and I imagine a bit scary for actors who could theoretically be replaced onscreen.  The DVD is full of behind the scenes features giving us the how-to treats. Unfortunately, director Robert Zemeckis (The Polar Express) and writers Neil Gaiman (Stardust) and Roger Avery (Pulp Fiction) put this stylized production above their cast and story. 

The music, dialogue, and all star talent give Beowulf a serious feel beyond its cartoonish look.  It’s nudity is funny, too. Yes, Beowulf’s nude fight with Grendel is more in keeping with the anonymous source material, but do we really need to see a computer generated man’s ass?  I viewed the director’s cut, which supposedly had a few more naughty lines, and I love that good ale tune the Geats sing, but once Grendel enters the picture, things go south. 

Beowulf makes the effort of giving Grendel and his mother’s dialogue an Old English flavor, but the sympathy and baby like treatment of Grendel takes away from the action and art of the character-and even then, the action is so over the top that we are again reminded this is computer animation.  No human can move so suave as Beowulf!  

 

 Speaking of suave, the previews and trailers for Beowulf focused heavily on Angelina Jolie’s saucy portrayal of Grendel’s mother.  One, this is very misleading considering the amount of time she is actually in the film, and two, Jolie herself went on record saying she disliked the way her performance was manipulated as such.  I could forgive all this if her role didn’t make this film more stupid than it already was.  Somehow the dragon Beowulf bags later is his son by the golden lizard-fish nymp Jolie? This great epic that has stood for twelve centuries ends packed with over the top father-son reflection and adulterous regret.  What’s with all the bestiality, anyway?

I also feel very bad for Ray Winstone (Henry VIII, King Arthur) and his literally wizard behind the curtain performance of Beowulf. Of his talent there is no doubt, but the mocap wizards took the real life hearty and hefty stature of Winstone and redrew him as a pretty, blonde, buff sculpture of hotness.  My Dad doesn’t like to know how movies are made, so when I turned the DVD over to him for a viewing (another person deceived by the previews), every time Beowulf appeared onscreen, my Dad asked, “Are you sure that isn’t Sean Bean?”

If only the best of both Beowulf & Grendel  and Beowulf  could be realized in one epic film.  Hey, keep all the great talent and give us the flair and color of Beowulf and place it in the authentic Iceland of Beowulf & Grendel. Cut the sex and monstrosity of the Grendel family and make our heroes look heroic instead of butcher their being there and I’m all set. 

  It’s strange to say, but all these Beowulf productions I’ve named dropped and yet I’d recommend none of them.  Each have their moments, but I don’t think anyone would rush out to buy the book after seeing either of these recent films. Even Antonio Banderas’ The 13^th Warrior takes pieces of Beowulf, but this mishmash also can’t touch the spirit of the poem.  We’ve had all these Lord of the Rings imitations in recent years (In The Name of The King with such a similar title and the near identical DVD cover of Blood of Beasts) why can’t someone make a proper retelling of Beowulf? (And my beloved King Arthur while you’re at it.)  Anyone who’s been forced to read the poem in school knows how difficult it is to adapt the rather plain, nondescript but no less likeable story.  So what if we don’t know what kind of monster Grendel is or who his father was. Why can’t someone tell the story like it is and add some umph?  It doesn’t matter how long winded a rendition they make, someday I just want to see a damn good movie version of Beowulf.  Look what happened when both Mel Gibson and Kenneth Branagh gave their love to Hamlet.  

Aficionados of Beowulf, teachers, and scholars might enjoy a viewing of any or all and discussing, but neither Beowulf & Grendel nor the 2007 Beowulf lend any justice to this timeless story.  Hope, however, springs eternal.  

 

 

ETA:  As you may have noticed, I've added some screen captures of Beowulf & Grendel, as I picked it up at a Buy 3 Get One Free sale, hehe. 

 

(The Hound versus Leonidas - who would win?)