The Magnificent Seven (2016)

Recent Magnificent Seven Entertaining but Safe

by Kristin Battestella

Director Antoine Fuqua's (Olympus Has Fallen) 2016 The Magnificent Seven has all the hallmarks of the original 1960 western with a motley 1879 crew of cowboys, gunslingers, outlaws, and gamblers defending the town of Rose Creek against a ruthless industrial baron. Although the shootouts and genre action are entertaining, unfortunately this endeavor lacks inspiration thanks to an uneven narrative that plays it safe.

Dynamite mining, strangleholds on crops, and meager offerings of $20 per station lead to town meetings amid fears of this new businessman and his hired guns terrorizing churches and burning buildings. How can these pioneers defend themselves against such violence and shootouts? Although a wicked scene in itself, the all for show opening of The Magnificent Seven is extreme and over the top compared to the otherwise safe tone of the picture. Why not meet the town and its charred church when our eponymous heroes do and let the audience imagine the horrors happening for themselves? The serious western start and subsequent lighthearted adventure are mixed window dressings with little depth – even town names onscreen as they ride on to shooting contests and recruit more heroes is a superficial way to create scope. A slow ride toward the saloon with a man's reputation preceding him provides The Magnificent Seven with more western spirit. Poker, ordering whiskey, asking the barkeep for information – the gun clicks, cigarette smoke billows, and shotgun below the bar are tense! Our charming and ornery enlistees face-off against gunslingers on the roof and dodge bullets as they vow to protect Rose Creek. Of course, so many shows have already rifted on this famous heroes teaching farmers with pitchforks to fight plot, and this almost willingly plays into that generic western familiarity rather than adding anything new. The middle of The Magnificent Seven feels like one big montage as defense preparation builds – they walk, they plan, they booby trap trenches and magically train ridiculously bad townsfolk unable to throw knives or aim at any targets. Granted, viewers wouldn't accept a simple cut to the final battle with everything easy peasy, but the pace is forced and disoriented. We meet people for an hour and practice for another half hour before the titular boys get drunk and have some laughs over naming their guns women's names. If we knew their personalities equally, the bonding humor would happen on its own. Instead, cheery scenes are out of place amid brooding characters who do have history, religion, and reasons for doing what they do. The sardonic moments are better once we're under siege with our team shoulder to shoulder for one more huzzah. People are seriously wounded with well done blood and fire while tolling bells and prayers accent the lengthy but sometimes chaotic or confusing finale that squeezes three acts into one – the surprise defense, bleak enemy firepower retaliation, and the last sacrificial inspiration. The Magnificent Seven has serious and touching moments in the end, but the heroics come as we always knew they would, deflating some of the fine one on one justice and cathartic catching the bad guy entertainment.

Well, the piano player stops when Denzel Washington (Best Actor for Training Day but should have won for Malcolm X) walks into the saloon, oh yes. Sam Chisolm is an authorized warrant officer and man of the peace who would rather not use his quick draw unless provoked. He claims he isn't for hire but hears the proposition to help Rose Creek and assists without taking the gold they offer. His simmering rage suggests there must be a reason why, but Chisolm's going to see this through because he says these people deserve their lives back. The Magnificent Seven provides Washington some great dialogue for his on point delivery, even if that's because Chisolm speaks the most and tells others what to do. It's disappointing that the side eyes he receives and the racism of the era aren't addressed more, and the final scene explaining his history deserved a better thematic build. However, The Magnificent Seven really only has time to show his story and mostly does it right alongside heroic leaps through windows, a cool rearing horse, and a great cowboy silhouette. It might have been interesting to see a prequel of Chisolm alone becoming licensed to vendetta, but unfortunately, I'm not feeling Chris Pratt's (Jurassic World) gambler Josh Faraday. His old fashioned dialogue doesn't sound natural, and jokes about Koreans, American Indians, and Mexicans are unnecessary. The card tricks and fast draws don't hide the fact that Pratt's just playing the same cool guy he always does, and The Magnificent Seven wastes time on him being the funny pretty white guy when other characters have more interesting tales to tell. It's tough to take Faraday seriously even when he shoots off an enemy's ear, as Pratt's casting purely for the appeal is apparent. I shudder to think about some of the in-development casting rumors: The Magnificent Seven featuring Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, and five other guys you don't need to worry about playing cowboys! In contrast, Shakespeare quoting sharpshooter and southern gentleman Ethan Hawke (Daybreakers) sits at the campfire with Chisolm, reflecting on their history while increasingly reluctant to fire a rifle thanks to his own infamous Confederate past. They've been through these kind of hurrahs before, and this personal PTSD arc deserved more than just being a few somber moments amid lighter banter and gunfire.

Likewise, Lee Byung-hun (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo (From Dusk till Dawn: The Series) each have their own specialty as Billy Rocks and Vasquez. There's a whiff of Asians in the West stigmas and Spanish dislike, too. However, the colorblind castings feel superficial – roles not for the historically accurate representation or to detail the discrimination they face but still little more than token appearances. We need more films like Posse addressing minorities in the West, but neither knife wielding Korean nor Mexican vigilante talk much and hardly receive up close shots or any camera focus. The blade action is cool, and a sword wielding nod to the Seven Samurai origins may have been on the nose, but seriously, why couldn't any of the minorities in The Magnificent Seven have been Pratt's second lead? Unsurprisingly, the appropriate casting of Martin Sensmeier (Salem) as Comanche warrior Red Harvest is also delightful to see yet under portrayed, resorting the character to always being hungry, eating raw meat, and disliking beans alongside typical mysticism fears from the rest of the team. He only speaks Comanche – or so they think – and the use of the bow and arrow amid all the rifle love deserved more showcasing. There should have been more to his rivalry with the Comanche counterpart fighting on the bad side, too – a Snake Eyes versus Storm Shadow one on one rather than a late blink and you miss it confrontation. The almost unrecognizable Vincent D'Onofrio's (Law & Order: Criminal Intent) spiritual mountain man Jack Horne is old, a bittersweet remnant of past ways. He's happy to do what's right and fight alongside men he can respect, and once again, deserved more attention. Righteousness won't do barely there Matt Bomer (Magic Mike) any good, but his wife Haley Bennett (The Girl on the Train) is almost part of the seven. Although her red hair, rosy cheeks, low cut shirts, and boob illumining lanterns aren't striving for costuming accuracy, Emma can shoot without Faraday's trying that flirtatious gun lesson cliché. Maybe it would be typical to have her be a teacher or nurse, but she deserved something stronger a husbandly connection. Of course, it's not shocking to see Peter Sarsgaard (Flightplan) as the villainous Bartholomew Bogue. He looks coked out, a snotty little asshole who hides behind Gatling guns and isn't much of a man when it comes to fighting himself. Bogue makes scary examples of children in the name of his so called industrial progress, however, his brutally over the top ruthless is absent for over an hour. Between all the permeating sarcasm, what should be personal terror strays into caricature – Bogue's almost there just because we need somebody to hate, and we don't discover his history with Chisolm until their final scene.

Blue skies, colorful prairies, and green valleys in The Magnificent Seven also look too modern, a scheme digitally over saturated rather than the dirty and dusty western rugged audiences expect. Rustic buildings, wagons, stagecoaches, and horses better set the mood amid fitting hoof beats, dynamite explosions, and gunfire. There's not much indoor action, but the dark saloon adds tension while real outdoor filming with windswept riding, rocky outcroppings, and mountain echoes build Old West atmosphere. The enemy charge is well done with steady zooms, choice slow motion, and upward horseback angles alongside unique knife battles, ax work action, riding feats, and fancy precision shooting. However, some transition scenes and silent montage moments are useless, and the pacing tries to keep up with today's in your face yet falls back on old strategies and cinematic tricks – the rope across that unseats a rider, a hidden trench with a surprise, or decoy ammunition distractions. A ridiculous amount of camera work also focuses on our men and their gun belts, panning up to the holster as one spins his six shooter or sweeping down as he bends to pick up the shot gun. Whether its to show off the bad ass gear or the tight chaps, once was enough – it's not sexy, just more like over compensation or penis envy. o_O The music for this Magnificent Seven is also woefully uneven. If this is supposed to be a heroic adventure, let's hear the theme! The unfinished score from the late James Horner (The Wrath of Khan) borrows cues, remaining contemporary and standard rather than instantly recognizable and rousing. Not until the movie ends are viewers treated to the familiar upbeats and a fun credits design that should have set the tone at the beginning. After such basic plots, hearing the music coda made me want to watch previous incarnations of The Magnificent Seven more than anything else. Therein is the trouble with all these reboots, sequels, and remakes today. Why tune in to these when you can just enjoy the original nostalgia again and again? Of course, I love the 1960 film, enjoy the follow ups, and really liked the brief 1998-2000 television series. Heck, I taped them of television on chewed up VHS, and wow, I feel really old by admitting I signed up for one of those early internet campaigns to save the show!

Westerns are ripe for a comeback because this is a genre that can encapsulate all our current gritty cynicism or let the good guys win when we need it. Rather than inserting superficial diversity with little time to explore all the characters, it's surprising this project wasn't another Magnificent Seven serial with time to address the history, racism, and personality of each hero. Were they hoping to make a movie franchise with the latest cool guys varying the seven each time? Unfortunately, this Magnificent Seven wavers between lighthearted adventure and innate lawlessness in a try hard PG-13 attempt more concerned with safely appealing to all audiences rather than balancing the cast and the heroics versus grit tone. At two hours plus, The Magnificent Seven delays a story we know and have seen many times – this picture needed more polish or substance and isn't as good as it should be. It's worth seeing through for fans of the cast, but this doesn't have a lot of repeat value. The gun violence may not be for young viewers, however, The Magnificent Seven can be a fun yarn for a movie night if you expect nothing more than temporary popcorn entertainment.

Summer Split Decisions

Summer Split Decisions

By Kristin Battestella

Some films you love without a doubt after numerous viewings.  Other shows you can’t get past the first fifteen minutes.  Unfortunately, what’s a viewer to do when torn between a movie’s good and ills?  Here are a few films both young and old on which I simply can’t decide!

The Bone Collector – Only Denzel Washington (Glory, Training Day) could deliver so fine a performance from a hospital bed.  The wonderful supporting cast- including Ed O’Neill (Married with Children), Queen Latifah (Chicago), and Luis Guzman (Carlito’s Way) - is great.  The spooky and grisly crimes from Jeffery Deaver’s source novel are intense.  Director Philip Noyce’s (Patriot Games) claustrophobic and dark camera angles juxtapose perfectly with the neat, upscale, and high tech remote technology.  Now then, I like Angelina Jolie (Girl Interrupted, Tomb Raider) I really do, especially in some of her earlier work such as this- but I don’t like her here.  She does well as a protégé cop with something to prove, but it’s as if Angie and Denzel are in too different movies.  Both have talent indeed, and they might even have chemistry should they work together again, but the pair is just too flat here.  You have to watch this one twice-once for the Denzel angle, and once for the Jolie feel. 

Highlander: Endgame – It’s the stuff of a Highlander fan’s dream: Connor MacLeod and Duncan MacLeod in one movie!  Despite the alternate establishments in the 92-98 television series, 2000’s Endgame has a decent enough storyline and plot to keep things plausible-unlike the useless 2007 sequel Highlander: The Source.  Bruce Payne (Passenger 57) and his villains are cool enough, main chick Lisa Barbusica (Bridget Jones’ Diary) is likeable, and of course, our immortals Christopher Lambert (Mortal Kombat) and Adrian Paul (Tracker) are wonderful.  However, something just isn’t right with Endgame.  I want to like it, honestly I do; but some of the more complex, multipart storylines of the series are better.  It also seems like no matter how hard they try- especially with alternate versions and special DVD cuts- all these movie sequels just aren’t as good as the original.  Completists will eat this one up, but casual fans are better off with the 1986 debut film or the series.  As it turns out, Connor and Duncan together is too good to be true.  After all, ‘There can be only one!’

The Legend of Hell House – Many consider this 1973 haunt fest a serious horror classic.  No doubt about it, the scares, kinky innuendo, terrifying house, psycho psychics, and ghostly dynamics are all here in fine form.  The filming and music is of its time yet still creepily shocking and askew today-maybe more so thanks to the now period looking styles.  Roddy McDowall (Planet of the Apes), Pamela Franklin (The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie), Clive Revill (Avanti!), and Gayle Hunnicutt (Dallas) are gothic perfection, too. Unfortunately, the weak, too tame and simply dumb ending here undoes all of author Richard Matheson’s legwork- it just isn’t as juicy as his source novel.  Of course, if made today, there would be so much sex, gore, twists, turns, and herky jerky bad camera work that no concept or story would make it in the film.  I know, I know, beggars can’t be choosers.

Public Enemies (2009) – I love Depression era music, movies, and styles; and once upon a time, I really liked Christian Bale.  Ergo then, one would assume I’d be in heaven with this gangster flick starring Bale (The Dark Knight) as FBI man Melvin Purvis and Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean) as bad boy John Dillinger.  Unfortunately, I didn’t even make it to the end here.  Halfway thru, I stopped caring if the 45-year-old Depp as 31-year-old Dillinger was misunderstood, and Bale was more boring than badass.  The costumes looked great, and the Chicago scenery was wonderful, but there wasn’t enough period tunes to really set the mood.  Too many liberties are taken, and Channing Tatum (G. I. Joe: Rise of Cobra) as Pretty Boy Floyd is only in Public Enemies for five minutes tops-what the big deal with him anyway?  I do, however, wish there had been more of David Wenham (Lord of the Rings) as Harry Pierpont.  The fine ensemble cast is lost amid the obviousness of Depp and Bale.  Pity. Now, it may be old, low budget, and not have nearly as many stars playing cops and robbers; but I actually prefer the 1996 Public Enemies with Theresa Russell as Ma Barker to this flashy caper.  Okay so Dan Cortese (Veronica’s Closet) is Melvin Purvis in that one.  Bale doesn’t really step it up, here, though, does he?  What’s next, Russell Crowe as Al Capone?

The Screaming Skull – I wanted to like this 1958 creeper, but the only risqué things here are some bullet bras and flimsy nightgowns.  There is an audience for this type of hokey old scare, but this one could have been a lot more serious or scary than the final result.  Instead, we resort to Rebecca imitations and the usual, cliché horror staples with lots of screaming and obvious double twists.  The music is also way too absurd and banshee-like, more like the stylings of a Halloween CD than a score.  Maybe I was just expecting too much?  I’m not surprised Mystery Science Theater 3000 had its hands on this one.

The Silver Chalice – Paul Newman is one of my favorite classic leading men.  I simply adore his staples The Hustler and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as well as some of his smaller pictures like The Young Philadelphians, The Long Hot Summer, and my favorite Hud.  However, one might not know of the longstanding Newman clout that is to come by taking in his debut here.  The semi-biblical production values are similar to other epics of the day, but director Victor Saville (I was a Spy) went for some sort of abstract or stage like designs that just look too SCA or half dressed theatre rehearsal to be a big movie.  The story, delivery, and dialogue also come across as slow and a little too hokey- especially in dealing with the apocryphal magician Simon Magus. The wonderful Jack Palance (Shane, City Slickers) has nothing but ham to do here.  I’m also not a big fan of Virginia Mayo (Captain Horatio Hornblower), having yet to been impressed with her in every show in which I’ve seen her.  Still, I suppose ladies who love the young and pretty Newman can fast forward through the faulty here-even if the man himself disowned this one!  

Twists of Terror – I stumbled upon this 1996 anthology film on cable several times and still can’t decide if I like it or not.  Some of the vignettes are well written, paced and developed fine, and have solid acting from Jennifer Rubin (The Crush) and Nick Mancuso (Mob Stories).  However, the twists come a little too early or are fairly predictable, and the paranoid scenario of crazy host Joseph Ziegler (Black Harbour) introducing us to each tale is just stupid.  For being a saucy cable film, I’d also expect more than the generic sex and gore-but then again, some of the ‘what you don’t see’ is done a-okay.  Am I torn or is this one that bipolar?

When in Rome (2010) – Despite a very likeable cast- including Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars), Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite), Anjelica Huston (The Addams Family), and Danny DeVito (Taxi)- I simply found nothing funny in the 2010 romantic European comedy.  Okay, there was one scene when the itty bitty car fit inside an elevator.  That was it!  I wanted to like the titular Italian charms, but the premise just falls too flat, leaving the cast with nothing much to do.  It almost feels as if director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil) and writers David Diamond and David Weissman (The Family Man) are knocking off this overdone Judd Apatow wave- but this one is gonna be for chicks! Supposedly the leading man, Josh Duhamel (Las Vegas) also seems like just another dude in the frat crop.  Sigh.

Actually, it seems my distaste for a few of these is more evident than I thought!  

Spring Sees and Skips

What to See and What to Skip this Spring

By Kristin Battestella

In this age of little time and money, I hope to save both you and me from wasting a lot of what we don’t have on bad films! So, here’s a quick glance at a list of shows that are definitely skip-able.

Avoid

Shutter- Great premise about photographing ghosts, but all is too obvious too soon in this another poor Asian horror imitation. And Joshua Jackson is in it-no, that doesn’t give anything away.

Boogeyman- Another second string television star-Barry Watson from Seventh Heaven- making a crappy horror movie in which he is the evil monster with a Tardis for a closet, um yeah.

American Ganster- Overlong and complex Ridley Scott crime vehicle not the best for Denzel Washington, since he plays a backseat to Aussie Russell Crowe as a New York Narcotics cop in seventies Manhattan.

Enchanted- Reverse fantasy mixing live action and animation still has over the top clichés of damsels in distress and chick flicks. I’d stick with Sleeping Beauty.

Hulk- Eric Bana’s weak Bruce Banner and the way too green cgi Hulk make this 2003 comic yarn a rare Ang Lee skipper.

Storm of the Century­- Just because this miniseries gets a lot of airplay on the Sci Fi Channel doesn’t mean its any good. Adapted from the Stephen King novel; this could have been cut in half and still be a slow, aimless unscary waste.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe- I want to like this second film from the sf series, but it plays more like a sappy and romantic television drama. Gillian Anderson looks lovely, but David Duchovny looks sick and old and out of place.

Enjoy

And in the spirit of hopefulness, here’s a few shows that are worth a pleasant Spring evening. Someday I may write critically on them as well.

Stepbrothers- A little bit stupid and not always funny, but its great fun to watch the train wreck that is Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly making like they are fifteen.

Talladega Nights- You probably have to really like Nascar to appreciate how much Will Ferrell is making fun of rednecks and the pseudo sport, but a touch of serious life lessons and fine cast make this one worthwhile.

Memento- Fans of Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise will appreciate his backwards, intelligent, and complex psychological thriller. Guy Pearce’s mind-boggling performance only gets better with repeat viewings.

The Incredible Hulk­- This 2008 redo with Edward Norton and Liv Tyler gets this beloved comic right for the big screen.

The Mist- Thomas Jane, Andre Braugher, and Marcia Gay Harden give a serious and scary psychological debate amid proper Stephen King spooks. Some of its obvious, but food for thought science fiction always goes a long way.

V for Vendetta- I’m a little tired of dystopian flicks where only the UK survives, but this fine story unites past, present, and future ills and hopes across the board. More comic book food for thought. So what if Natalie Portman’s accent is bad?

Stay- Complex and unique 2005 thinking thriller from Ewan McGregor that blurs the line between dreams, reality, life, and death. Who knew?

Christmas Essential Viewing

Christmas Viewing Essentials

By Kristin Battestella

 

I know Christmas is fast approaching, so instead of meandering about charming holiday music and films, I’m going to give it to you short and sweet. Need to keep the kids still during winter break? Want to unwind from the chaotic shopping sessions? Here’s the holiday films you need to survive-in no magical order.

It’s A Wonderful Life- Yes, I love classics, but even the biggest black and white naysayer can take some Christmas meaning from Frank Capra’s holiday gem. ZuZu’s petals, Clarence, Bedford Falls, come on. You know it. Say it with me, “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”

Scrooged- When people (i.e. me!) harp on you about the return to Dickensian Christmas charm and value, you don’t need Tiny Tim and Bah Humbug if you’ve got Scrooged. Bill Murray’s 1988 is A Christmas Carol meets Wall Street in only the way Bill Murray can amuse you.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation- Some of the fashion may be out of date and Chevy Chase is years past his comedic prime, but there’s still superior gags from Sparky and the gang. Find me a person who hasn’t had a family Christmas gone awry because of freaky family and blown up trees, only then will I withdraw my praise.

Miracle on 34^th Street- Stick with the 1947 classic, trust me. Kids will forget the black and white once they hear the problem: Santa on trial! Baby boomers will also feel warm and fuzzy when Natalie Wood pulls Edmund Gwenn’s beard. How can you not?

A Christmas Story- Did you triple dog dare me not to include A Christmas Story? Pick your favorite part for this family gem. Some like the sentimentality of an early mid century American Christmas; my mom still can’t get over the bunny suit. I ask you, do you have a leg lamp ornament on your tree? You don’t even need this one on DVD, it runs 24 hours a day!

The Bishop’s Wife / The Preacher’s Wife- Older folks adore Cary Grant’s timeless take as suave angel Dudley seeking to save Christmas for The Bishop and his pretty wife. One of the few times an update has been worthy, The Preacher’s Wife gives us an angelic Denzel Washington and enchanting vocals from Whitney Houston.

The Nativity Story- The best telling of the first Christmas, simply put. No kinky stuff about virgins or mysticism. Historical and religious, beat that.

We’re No Angels - Humphrey Bogart as a ne’er do well escaped con doing well on Christmas. Perfect comedic performances from talent such as Aldo Ray, Peter Ustinov, Joan Bennett, and Basil Rathbone keep this one charming for young and old.

Home Alone- Yes, yes, we know the ‘aaaahhhhh’, but when was the last time you sat down with the entire family and watched this one all the way through? A little dated now, but still a darling lesson.

Bad Santa- Enough about family friendly stuff for the kids. Check out the unrated version of Bad Santa for adult cynicism and perhaps truer reflections on how a lot of people probably feel at Christmas.

Elf- Will Ferrell in tights and yet James Caan keeps a straight face. Fine cast and genuine sentiment mixed with great physical comedy- Elf is probably the best newest addition to the genre.

Holiday Inn/White Christmas- For real old school folks, take the black and white Holiday Inn. Bing’s real version of White Christmas and Fred Astaire’s toe tapping was so unbeatable that they tried to do it again. In this new musical revival, take in White Christmas again-in widescreen- for all its Technicolor holiday splendor.

A Christmas Carol- Well of course I had to get a faithful adaptation of this staple in here. You can take your pick. The original 1938 is dated, but great background for a holiday party. The classic 1951 Alstair Sim version has to be seen at least once by all. Favor musicals? Try Albert Finney or Kelsey Grammar’s new tune. If you need Oscar weight, take George C. Scott’s 1984 carol. Then again, there’s always Mickey’s Christmas Carol. If you must know, I do prefer Patrick Stewart’s 1999 faithful, but that’s just me.

And for a bit of Hanukkah….

On a sad note, I don’t know of any good Hanukkah films. Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights is the choice by default. I love Chaim Potok’s novel The Chosen, but I’ve not seen the film version. I suppose you can’t go wrong with The Ten Commandments, but that is usually reserved for Passover. So, why not…

Exodus- This past June, I watched Exodus in honor of the 60^th Anniversary of the founding of Israel. Why not ring out 2008 with Paul Newman’s ode to the triumph of the Jewish spirit?

Unfortunately, it appears the new Kwanzaa documentary The Black Candle is not available on DVD. Narrated by Maya Angelou, this documentary sheds light on the celebration and the African-American triumph.

 

However you spend your December with your family and friends, remember you are blessed and that I love you, whoever you are wherever you are. Merry Christmas!