Tales
from the Darkside Season Two Provides More Bizarre
by
Kristin Battestella
Producer
George A. Romero's 1985-86 Second Season of Tales
from the Darkside is
the series' longest year with twenty-four episodes of oddities,
scares, and morose mood. Of
course, the night club comedy act in “The Impressionist” is stale
– but mysterious G-men offer a has been comedian a special job
communicating with gestures amid secret labs, spaceships, and
sympathetic aliens. Our slight of hand performer picks up the
interstellar mimicry, but refuses to reveal the alien's secret to
fusion power. While the weak effects are a little laughable, this
alien touch gives a once sarcastic man a piece of something more.
It's business
as usual, however, for harsh workaholic Bill
Macy (Maude) in
“Lifebomb”
until an insurance salesman presents a deal on an unique medical
safety device that's too good to be true. After sudden chest pains,
he accepts the titular offer, but that little implant on his back
leads to more scary medical situations and company control over what
could be life saving technology. This is an interesting plot on
stress, aging, and our career servitude made fantastic before
inventor John Heard (Home
Alone)
recounts the earthquakes and mini volcano rising through the floor to
deliver extraterrestrial Penelope Ann Miller (Carlito's
Way)
for “Ring Around the
Redhead.” The jailhouse frame condenses the pace for the romance,
reduces the need to show action the series can't afford, and grounds
the what ifs with electric chair shadows and noir mood. Remodeling
and rent control versus eviction unfortunately carry a touch of
racism in “Parlour Floor Front” as the upstairs alligator on the
polo shirt snobs insult the elderly voodoo practitioner downstairs. A
few curses lead to damaged antiques, broken wrists, and falls off the
ladder. Mischief, disrespected coffins, and evil-tainted gold
escalate to fatal lies as Tales
from the Darkside does
a lot of scary with very little. Likewise returning director Tom
Savini's “Halloween
Candy” adds vintage costumes and candy bags to the holiday hate and
cranky old dad hoping the kids have a sugar overdose on the doorstep.
Threats to call the police or telling the trick-or-treaters to go to
hell result in an incessant doorbell buzz and a devilish little
goblin peeking in the window. Broken watches at midnight, bugs in the
candy, blue hues, and freaky monster masks stand out thanks to the
well edited suspense.
Romero
himself pens “The Devil's Advocate” starring ornery radio show
host Jerry Stiller (Seinfeld).
He makes his callers cry amid vintage soundboards and flashing red
studio lights, but the engineer falls asleep, the studio grows
increasingly darker, and call ins come from all over history before a
chat with the boss from below himself in this superb one man parable.
A man in shades also has an exclusive offer to revive an old sixties
network series for the film
within a film of
“Distant Signals.” The show Max
Paradise was
unfortunately terrible, but a hefty gold investment reminds the
crusty Hollywood suit, writer's block writer, and drunken actor how
inspiring television really is. Although this nice Galaxy
Quest story
follows several scary tales, it's made all the more bemusing
thanks to today's reboots and revivals ad nauseam. By contrast, the
self involved yuppie parents in “Ursa Minor” don't believe their
daughter when she says her antique teddy bear is responsible for the
household mischief. Occult experts warn them of Native American magic
and ancient worship of the eponymous bear constellations, but the
muddy little paw prints and tool mishaps create some chilling moments
before the faulty gas stove, ambulances, crutches, and karma for
“Effect and Cause.” Starving artist Susan Strasberg (Scream
of Fear) believes in
synchronicity, tarot, and astral charts, leaving her reluctant to
paint over unusually awful found canvases. Unfortunately, the
esoteric heavy and chaos debates leave her trapped, helpless in a
home that's working against her in this Mandela Effect meta mind
bender. Baby Seth Green (Buffy)
has
something creepy under the bed on Christmas morning in “Monsters
in My Room,” too. The boy prays against tentacles, saw blades, and
boogie men in the closet out to get him with scary
nighttime lighting and every toy, ticking clock, or floorboard creak
adding to the terror. However
his stepdad wants to toughen him up, giving him beer and trying to
make the boy a man in a whiff of subtext as real world and horror
merge.
Shakespeare
quotes and an antique telescope invoke a renaissance touch for “Comet
Watch” – a lighthearted entry obsessed with the cosmos once an
Edwardian babe pops into the attic after taking a long celestial
trip. The dated science and charming love triangles set off what was
then a timely January 1986 airing ahead of the forthcoming Halley's
Comet. Yes, this again far beyond the Darkside
theme.
However, this is probably the last time a genre television series
could address such fanciful fears with such innocence as we're too
scientific and overly cynical these days. “A New Lease on Life”
provides a new apartment with all the trimmings and supposedly no
catch for an uber cheap $200 a month. Unfortunately, the wall groans
when an against the rules nail is hammered in, and handymen against
newfangled microwave radiation fix the bleeding sheet rock with
peroxide. Neighbors denied water warn our tenant while cries with in
the walls and giant garbage disposals suggest there's a price to pay
for eating meat. One could have it all forever if he just follows the
rules and do what he is told, making this a freaky little statement
on human horrors and arrogance. The desperate writer with the empty
refrigerator in “Printer's Devil” follows an ad to one creepy
agent's office where voodoo dolls, mystic tomes, and animal
sacrifices promise Pulitzers. Publication and success soon follow,
but the so-called inspirational pets also increase as the literary
riches must be maintained. When his new girlfriend starts sneezing
over his apartment zoo, well, our devilish agent suggests one final
sacrifice. “The Shrine,” by contrast, presents a mother offering
her estranged daughter milk and cookies. She doesn't want to talk
about the past or her daughter's breakdown, but she keeps her
daughter's room in untouched childhood perfection – yet phantom
winds and nursery rhymes suggest someone else is living among the
ribbons and pom poms. Can a mother be so disappointed in how a child
grew up that she would try again with the same daughter? The who does
mommy love more contest could be silly, but the warped women's roles
are played serious amid the taboos. Motel
manager John Fielder (The
Bob Newhart Show)
reluctantly lends the Room 7 key to a cruising salesman for “The
Old Soft Shoe,” and a vintage radio
plays jazz while a woman in black lingerie draws a steamy bath. She
calls our salesman by a different name and insists they'll never be
apart while they dance cheek to cheek. However, 1950 newspaper
clippings and dusty corsages lead to gunshots and jilted dames as the
nostalgic personalities and ghostly femme fatales bring the blood and
stockings full circle.
On
Thanksgiving eve an ingenue waits on the desolate platform for the
late train in “The Last Car.” Once onboard, the eponymous
passengers warn her she can't travel between cars – they fear the
upcoming tunnels, nobody likes to talk about time, and the so-called
train to Providence isn't stopping like it should. Lost watches, a
shoe box full of all the foods they desire, and a nonsensical
conductor create an askew Twilight
Zone perception
with memorable revelations before a cocky doctor is happy to diagnose
mob boss Abe Vigoda (The
Godfather)
with cancer for “A
Choice of Dreams.” Fortunately, a more radical scientist offers him
the power over death for a cool ten million. Ticking clocks count
down as the murderer faces his own mortality while black and white
offices with futuristic technology keep the brain alive as the
memories flashing before our criminal's eyes catch up to him. The
1935 noir, moonlight, pale skin, and hints of red in “Strange Love”
tell us what fangs are afoot. Marcia Cross (Melrose
Place) has no heartbeat and
a cold touch to match her seduction, power, and beauty as this saucy
love triangle leads to betrayal, a double wide coffin, and a bloody
good time. The video will left by a fire and brimstone televangelist
for his sister Connie Stevens (Hawaiian
Eye) in “The Unhappy
Medium,” however, isn't the riches she hoped. The hypocritical
pretenses and greedy true colors come out thanks to neon lighting,
purgatory traps, and devilish possession. The family that sins
together, stays together in this timeless Tales
from the Darkside parable.
Meanwhile, the empty army recruiting office receives an unlikely man
not signing up but asking for sanctuary in “Fear of Floating.” He
unbuckles his boots and floats every time he lies – a gift the army
would love to use between the zany standoffs, tall tales, delusions,
deceptions, and one low hung ceiling fan. Splattered sheets and
bloody babes set off frequent Tales
from the Darkside director
Frank de Palma's finale “The Casavin Curse” amid homicide
detectives, suspect servants, and ancient gypsy curses turning a tiny
heiress into a deadly demon with killer claws. She always ends up
hurting the one she loves!
Tales
from the Darkside's half
hours often center
around one or two characters, and episodes are slightly better when
there's a more recognizable name to anchor the fun. Indeed, viewers
have to take these gonzo tales with a sense of humor, for even amid
the serious parables there are laughable things. Scribble on a piece
of paper isn't an alien language nor is one earring and a few
crystals in a gal's hair outer space couture – actually, it's just
totally eighties! A calm granny offers chicken soup to the possessed
little girl who'd rather eat souls in “The Trouble with Mary Jane,”
and local amateur exorcist cum con artist comedienne Phyllis Diller
is going to use tea leaves and tarot cards to put this demon into a
pig and make her fortune. This could be something scary, but it's
tough to tell if the humor is intentional and we should roll with it
or just laughably bad. Several juvenile shows and household scares in
a row sag mid-season, and daughter Lisa Bonet (A
Different World) tries to
inspire her angry composer father in “The Satanic Piano.” His
record company is unhappy with his latest album, but a mysterious man
offers the family a computerized keyboard with telepathic connections
and a sinister price to pay. Can a machine capture the purity and
essence of one's soul and music? This contemporary tale is waxing on
something innocent, however the execution is off the mark in a series
where youth in terror befits the Darkside
content.
Dated phrases like
“rad,” “far out,” or “right on” I can dig, yet I can't
say the same for “Dream Girl” as film shoots and pin ups help a
creepy janitor live out his sexist misogynist fantasy. While fog,
distorted angles, and fake props set off the warped titular haze, the
Inception play
within a play meta is too nonsensical and confusing with abusive
shouting and characters trapped in an overlong, dry predicament.
Certainly the computers
and alien designs are primitive. The empty sets are gray scale
abstract with wild faux marble luxury meant to be eighties high end
but it's all so obviously cardboard fake today. One may argue the
backdrops beyond those false windows create a more stage-like setting
allowing the bizarre per tale to shine, however the redressed cheap
is often too apparent – an office from one episode is easily a jail
cell the next. Most special effects seen are also hokey but brief
with major fantastics largely left to off camera imagination. Though
the jury may be deliberating on the eighties silk blouses and pussy
bows back in vogue, those bright yuppie pinks and thugs in sport
coats with the sleeves rolled up were never
good looks!
While
there may be no subtitles for the Tales
from the Darkside: The Complete Series set,
the always chilling greeting and opening theme speak for themselves.
Old tape recorders, rotary phones, and typewriters add nostalgic
décor alongside retro ice boxes, doilies, and static on the big boob
tube. Blue lighting, silver accents, moonlight silhouettes,
firelight, and candlesticks invoke mood as increasingly dark schemes,
shadows, dreamy photography, and cigarette smoke frame the spooky
atmosphere. Some of that white leather furniture and mauve pastiche
does have the right swanky, and Tales
from the Darkside's production
values increase slightly during the season with latter episodes
featuring real homes and locales rather than mere set walls. Tiny
white lingerie and steamy nightgowns and some side boob close calls
also push the envelope, yowza! Art Deco tone on tone designs add an
Old Hollywood simmer while choice reds and brains in jars never let
us forget the horror at hand.
Sure, Tales
from the Darkside has
a certain amount of dated silliness. Bemusing weirdness is more often
featured than full on frights. However, the scares are superb when
they happen and the spooky fun doesn't
overstay its welcome. Tales
from the Darkside Season Two is easy to marathon
for nostalgic creepiness and all manner of bumps in the night.
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