Contemporary Werewolf Romps 🐺

 

Contemporary Werewolf Romps! 🐺

by Kristin Battestella

These recent lycanthrope lessons offer much good, but some bad and a bit of ugly to the understandably hairy genre.

Howl – No one wants to be on this rainy red eye train, but apathetic passengers and passed over employees must unite when werewolves invade the cabin cars in this 2015 parable directed by Paul Hyett (Dog Soldiers). Late night stress and double shift monotony are well done as the full moon, isolated forest, ticket checks, and cranky introductions set the scene with who's rude on her phone, snotty old couples, frazzled businesswomen, and the jerk with two sets of house keys. Rattling rails, screeching brakes, and flickering lights escalate to unseen attacks, thuds, squishes, and gore as the assertive adults and inexperienced staff argue over who's in charge. Patchy emergency contacts lead to a vote to walk to the next station before disemboweled evidence, the race back to the train, and limb perils at the plug door. Banging to be let in, scraping claws along the cabin car, and the titular what you don't see but hear acerbate the meager first aid, bloody wounds, and overnight delirium. Compartment damage, no fuel, and no food add to the innate unease. Cramped bathroom terrors provide whimpering, growls, and blood in shrewd near-revelations as the camera cuts away from blurred assaults and glowing eyes. The final claustrophobic entrance is realistically scary thanks to poor defenses like fire extinguishers and an emergency ax, and debates about what to do with the injured provide a bitter social commentary about our dog eat dog alpha males who survive at the expense of others. They are running out of cars to retreat to and secure, and the carefully paced transformations mirror the trapped ticktock and wait for daylight. This does feel slightly long with repair attempts and inside attacks that seem out of order. Unnecessary point of view breaks and shoddy CGI show the pack in full, and the slow burn unravels amid under the train perils, internal standoffs, and unfair deaths. The disturbing violence rushes toward a weak confrontation, however overall this is an entertaining late night entry to the werewolf genre.

I Am Lisa – Pulsing chases, growls, gunshots, and moonlit nights open this 2020 werewolf embrace, but the law enforcement fix should have been held back and the drive to the inherited bookstore wastes time. Starting with a customer ordering a lycanthrope volume and condolences on the deceased is enough to introduce our eponymous small town nonconformist. Local mean girls bully, steal, and threaten Lisa, but the ringleader's mom is the sheriff so nothing is done. Self love jokes about not needing a man, waitress flirtations, and BFF intimacy, however, feel baity, for Lisa is straight and rejects a kiss from said mean girl. The rotten sheriff insists it's not an assault if no one gets hurt and it's Lisa's attitude problem that's disturbing the peace, so she endorses the mean girls beating Lisa. The pliers, gagging, and blood in this sanctioned violence is disturbing enough, and a further implied sexual assault is unnecessary as Lisa is dumped in the woods and left to the wolves. Choice jump cut camerawork accents the tears, echoes, and fragmented experience as the bite wounds heal quickly and the police revelations escalate. Lisa is shocked at her own behavior when she first attacks the weakest of the mean girl pack, but she needs to learn to control what's happening, embrace it, and make them pay. Slow, realistic eye, teeth, heightened senses, and vocal changes match the swift neck snapping, throat slicings, and moments of remorse while old books provide silver, calendar, and crossbreed information. More time is unfortunately spent on cliches than who knows about the werewolves, who has been hunting them, branding them with silver, and why. It's also unrealistic how her whereabouts are terribly obvious yet Lisa goes uncaught until the script says so. You can tell this was written and directed by men thanks to every woman coming off as a tough angry lesbian with an attitude. Structural flaws fall back on stereotypical montages with bad ass hoodies, cool music, raw steaks, dog treats, and The Werewolf of Washington. Nonsensical explanations don't fully reiterate the transformative mythos and silver ax potential, and the taking ownership metaphors run out of steam in the overlong, contrived final confrontation. Though in need of a trim or polish thanks to unnecessary scene transitions and poor dialogue, this largely charming piece stays with a character who's just trying to be true to herself.

Skip It!

A Werewolf in England – Speeding carriages, top hats, throwback music, and candlelight invoke a Hammer mood as our bondsman and his shackled prisoner stop at the Three Claws Inn for this 2020 horror comedy. Unfortunately, the super tight camera angles are clearly cutting corners, the acting is amateur, and the exaggerated voices are too hammy. Every single person is trying on funny quips and combined with the kooky weird brother and sister innkeepers, it's all just too much. The obviously fake full moon above the manor is enough to set a sardonic wink, however there's no time to chuckle over the two dollar lady of the evening available or the hear tell of a previous guest dying of perforated bowels in the bed, and the rattling sex scene while the prisoner is chained to the action goes on far too long before a cheap chamber pot gag. We shouldn't know about the werewolves up front, but our writer/producer/director/cinematographer/editor gives away that the proprietors are in on serving their clientele to the local lycanthropes when we shouldn't suspect their killer plans until guests spot blood dripping on the furniture. The beheadings, dismemberment, and pleas for mercy before a claw slice at the throat are fine. Intense crescendos and chorales with over the top slow motion are appropriate satire, but the drawn out battle scenes with over-editing and nothing burger pawing undo the gore and eerie lighting. It's tough to tell what's scary or the hoot because the constant cackling is falling flat trying to be both. Some territorial foul is reasonable, but the unnecessarily long werewolf diarrhea scene removes any horror even if the conspicuous people in wolf suits is deliberate. Subtle humor – such as breaking and entering wolves that make surprisingly little noise or using a lot of little things to block the door when a sturdy piece of furniture is right there – is all the viewer needs, yet one too many crotch jokes and montages of cleaning guns but not washing off the wolfy poo become an overlong exercise in what not to do. Contrived endings play into all the cliches, and I'm going to go ahead and pass on the medieval prequel/sequel Werewolf Castle.