A Bear Named Winnie

A Bear Named Winnie Too Cute for Words

By Kristin Battestella

Shut up, it has Michael Fassbender and teddy bears, how can the 2004 Canadian TV movie A Bear Named Winnie not be adorable?

After rescuing a black bear cub before she’s killed by a hunter, Lieutenant Harry Colebourn (Fassbender) and his fellow Canadian Army Veterinary Core tent mate Ian Macray (Jonathon Young) take in the bear as their unit’s mascot and name her Winnipeg after Harry’s hometown.  Called Winnie for short, the bear warms the hearts of the men, all except for stern Colonel John Barret (Gil Bellows).  Barret repeatedly tells Harry that Winnie cannot continue with the expeditionary force overseas and to the Great War battlefront in France, so Harry reluctantly leaves Winnie at the London Zoo.  While in the care of zookeeper Protheroe (Stephen Fry), Winnie delights young children and inspires author A. A. Milne to write his famed Winnie the Pooh tales.

I didn’t want to like this movie. I thought it was going to be stupid and juvenile and purely a pretty boy indulgence fest for girlie girls who have stuffed animals lining their car dashboards and ‘Babe In Total Control of Herself’ bumper stickers. I am not one of those girls, and A Bear Named Winnie is quite the contrary- you just can’t help but enjoy it.  Naturally, some of the animal photography is a bit hectic and choppy, but those types of cinematics are forgivable when working with excited bears or horses.  I’m also not sure why director John Kent Harrison (Helen of Troy) chose to have a few bear perspective shots in some scenes, as they are a little confusing and imperfect as well.   Thankfully, there’s plenty of family friendly humor, bear hijinks, and charm in this slightly more original story than familiar tales like Black Beauty and The Incredible Journey.  Of course, you’ll never hear the actual phrase ‘Winnie the Pooh’ here thanks to the Disney monopoly, but this seemingly simple story of a soldier and his bear is well paced, moving along nicely with enough antagonistic drama mixed in with the heart warming bear bonding. World War I angles and mild battle action don’t fully enter the picture until very late and co writers John Goldsmith (Victoria and Albert) and Simon Vaughan (Grange Hill) smartly fade out the scariest war stuff.  This is a family show, remember, but the subtle debate about the softness of new men versus old school war tactics and the coming of modern warfare machinery is dealt with wonderfully.  Yes, it’s all so dang sentimental, but so what? You would think there isn’t enough story here to fill a 90-minute movie, but there’s more heart and soul in this little ditty then some supposedly big and magical but short and crappy recent American films, coughjonahhexcough.

Well, if his acting accolades weren’t enough to make you like Michael Fassbender (Hunger, Fish Tank, Inglorious Basterds), A Bear Name Winnie certainly ups his adorable ante tenfold. Not only is the chameleon-like actor’s Canadian accent on form, but my goodness there is a reason he keeps making assorted wartime films: he looks so dang good in uniform.  Not everybody can pull of the WWI look and not just seem like a becostumed actor in those goofy wingy pants on some sputtering antique motorcycle.  Lady fans will eat up all the teary eyed close up shots, and one delicious horse whispering scene would certainly get you- if it weren’t followed by the delightful rescue of the titular Winnie.  And my gosh one quote I read online in response to this cuddly bear licking Fassy’s face and snuggling up beside him with a baby bottle between its paws sums up the eye candy perfectly, ‘I never wanted to be a bear so much in my life.’

Well, now that the melt worthy indulgence is out of the way, it would seem like Fassbender doesn’t have an easy job in A Bear Named Winnie. He is after all, talking to a dang bear, and that isn’t exactly heavy hitting dialogue.  The bear kind of drops a deuce in his lap, too (hee).  All this stand-up teddy bear fun does indeed make Harry all the more charming, but the transition from all the cuteness to implied wartime trauma is handled well by The Fass.  Harry realizes the lessons and growing up to be learned in the war, most definitely- but, there are still a lot of happy tears and golly gee shucks to go around.  One might think A Bear Name Winnie was just a struggling actor’s paycheck without a lot of room to really stretch the acting muscles. However, Fassbender’s genuine emotion, tears, and sentiment comes through in both the affectionate gazes and glossed over wartime eyes.  This is how you know the guy is a true actor, he could get by with modest, even blockbuster success just by being a pretty boy like this in any given film- yet he chooses to starve himself to make films like Hunger or goes without a script to play a latent pedophile in Fish Tank.  This is why Fassbender in such demand now- from cutting his acting chops on films like this.

The delightful support and fun antagonists in A Bear Name Winnie also add lovely family treats.  Gil Bellows (Ally McBeal) balances the stern Colonel Barret wonderfully with kooky David Suchet (Poirot) as General Hallholland.  One might not think there’s room for a layered storyline here, but the two commanders- one going down and seeking lost glory while the other is ready to meet 20^th century warfare head on- add the global scope and transitional ideals of the time.  Neither is wrong, just both let their own personal ways get in the way- just like the way they claim our boys’ attachment to Winnie will make them soft.  Some of the nerdy soldiers are a little interchangeable, and it might be tough to tell who is who and catch all their names and ranks, but everyone is all in good fun here.  Jonathon Young (Sanctuary) and Aaron Ashmore (Smallville) must have enjoyed themselves, and the charm shows. Stephen Fry (Wilde, Blackadder) doesn’t have a large role as the reluctant zookeeper who comes round to Winnie yet hates kids and calls them ‘vermin’; but his clout bookends A Bear Name Winnie nicely.   

Although it’s just a little Canadian television original, A Bear Named Winnie looks the period piece part.  The costumes perfectly mix the old Victorian pre-war styles with later twenties hip looks.  The uniforms, tall leather boots, and pageboy hats look dynamite, too.  It’s really a shame we don’t dress with this kind of class anymore.  While there is plenty of Fassbender and soldier boy company at which to gawk, there is something to top all that:  the bears are effing adorable indeed. I know I said it before, but it bears repeating.  (Ha, no pun intended!) These little performing black bears can warm the coldest heart- I laughed, and I even cried; and I’m not a giggly and gaga kind of girl at all. But these little f*ckers are too damn cute.  I shouldn’t curse when talking about such a family oriented program, but it’s like when you must squeeze a fat baby’s chubby little cheek- you just can’t help yourself.  The fact that this lovely story also looms along with the neat- if often unseen- aspects of Canadian WWI action is all the better.  We hardly see American Great War action anymore in film as it is, and here the viewer is treated to veterinary corps entrusted with cavalry upkeep- definitely something out of the past to us 21st century folks. Likewise, the fun vehicles, quirky sidecars, period accessories, wonderfully idyllic scenery, and cute ragtime musical charm tie A Bear Named Winnie together with a very pretty bow on top.  

Naturally, some big bear bits, hunting threats, horse injuries, the prospect of animal deaths, separation and loss, and implied battle deaths might be scary for super young ones. Otherwise, the 10 and up set can’t not enjoy this silly little movie. A nice little coda explains the happy fates and further Winnie the Pooh inspirations, softening any scary blows, too.  A short making of featurette on the DVD is also a lot of fun.  Animal lovers and Fassinators will enjoy seeing him and the bears playing with the trainers off screen.  Netflix options and streaming opportunities also make it easy to find A Bear Named Winnie, but alas, there are no subtitles.  I suppose no film is perfect! 

Although one could simply take A Bear Named Winnie for the 90 minutes worth of young and pretty Michael Fassbender snuggling cute little bears, there’s much more here than that. Gather the girls for an indulgent night or tune in for a family funfest and learn the history of ‘Pooh’. 

The Gift (2002)

Song and Spirit Makes The Gift Worthwhile

By Kristin Battestella

I’m not a country music fan by any means.  However, I have enjoyed a Kenny Rogers song or two over the years, especially his collaborations with The Bee Gees- namely the 1983 album Eyes That See in the Dark and its best selling duet with Dolly Parton, Islands in the Stream. When my mother gave me the 2002 CD re-issue of The Gift, I was really only interested in one song, Rogers’ duet version of Mary, Did You Know? with Wynnona Judd- also one of the few country singers who can belt it and rock out with the best of them.  Although I would have preferred a more traditional set of carols with Rogers’ easy style and raspy voice, The Gift is a fine Christian Christmas album for youth and young families or an easy listening and reverent holiday party. 

Oft covered in recent years, the Mark Lowry contemporary hit Mary, Did You Know? is given a wonderful spin here thanks to Kenny and guest vocalist Wynnona Judd’s powerful rendition. Though not envisioned as duet as we often think of sappy alternating love songs, the duel arrangement works beautifully and captures both the somber softness and big ideals addressed in these lovely lyrics.  The heavy implications and powerful melody are both sing along and inspiring, and I suspect this double whammy combination of wonderful words and hard hitting vocals is what’s keeping this tune in increasing popularity.  After all, we can’t all sing Ave Maria the way it should be sung.  This version of Mary, Did You Know? also headlines the 2007 country Christmas compilation Mary Did You Know?: 17 Inspirational Christmas Songs From Today's Top Country Artists.

Though dating back to 1996 when The Gift was first released, A Soldier’s King takes on new meaning now as we spend another holiday season with servicemen and women overseas.  This original and touching story of a soldier’s religious revelation is a little country and casual, yes, but its simplicity is timeless and most definitely relatable.  By contrast, Pretty Little Baby Child adds a tropical feel to The Gift.  Its island, un-Christmas like sway does seem a little out place, but the cute sing-ability and innocent lyrics here are a lot of fun for the kids.  Rogers reminds us we are at a birthday party for a babe, who can dislike that?

What A Wonderful Beginning further experiments with the musical sounds while delivering the Christmas message.  The choir backgrounds add weight to Kenny’s easy speaking range.  Perhaps others can sing a lot better than he can, but instead of being lost in a high and held note that might overtake the lyrical meaning, we are in a way forced to listen to a little holiday sermon, Gambler style. Though these are new and largely unfamiliar tunes, the reverence and Old Time Religion still strike a cord.  The gospel-esque It’s The Messiah continues the spiritual trend. Again even if the different stylings make The Gift seem a little uneven, the message comes through loud and clear. When you hear material like this, you wonder how one could possibly celebrate a secular Christmas with no belief structure behind it. 

Rogers changes things up some with I Trust You, focusing on soul searching instead of the meaning of Christmas.  Again, this doesn’t necessarily sound like a Yule song, just a wholesome Christian diddy.  Sweet Little Jesus Boy also slows things down with a cappella reflection and more gospel-esque notes.  Perhaps Kenny isn’t going for a particular musical theme or style here, but in some ways, it doesn’t really matter.  Regardless of the arrangement of each track, the songs here were clearly selected for their sentiment over pop chart ideologies and aesthetics.  The irony is that because The Gift came from the heart, the album has been a seasonal success.

Next Kenny Rogers touches upon the classic carols with this lengthy fifteen minute The Chosen One Montage.  This meat of The Gift includes The Chosen One, Away in the Manger, O Holy Night, Silent Night, The First Noel, We Three Kings, and Joy to the World interlaced with spoken dialogue of the Christmas Story.  Perhaps some of the kids singing and speaking is a little hokey, but again, what’s wrong with kids talking about babies, lambs, and Christmas? Isn’t that what it’s all about?  Naturally, these carols vary in style and tone, so the set does as well.  However, it is nice to hear the traditional December treats we know and love.  Go ahead, you know the words, just close your eyes and sing.

Til the Season Comes Round Again concludes The Gift in fitting sentimental fashion.  Though not a heavily orchestrated track, you get the feeling Kenny means what he says as he sings this little ode to you and yours.  It is true that some folks only see each other once a year, and amid all the traffic, gifts, and hustle and bustle, we might forget how important we and our beliefs are to each other.  The Gift reminds us to take time this year and the seasons to come.

It’s not full of super country twang, but The Gift keeps the contemporary reverence and simple spiritually at the forefront of its slightly short 45 minutes without being heavy handed.  While the opening duet of the album is without a doubt the star here, Kenny Rogers fans and others looking for a soft country Christmas album can enjoy The Gift in more ways than one.  Readily available in stores or for download online at very reasonable prices, there’s no reason not to share in The Gift this Christmas.  Despite its country packaging, this is a polite, simple little album reminding us of the true meaning of Christmas.  The Gift indeed and amen!

A Manly Christmas Viewing List

A Manly Xmas List

By Leigh Wood

Well, while the ladies celebrate their Fassbender Festivus (You know who you are, biznitches!) what are the gentleman of the season to do?  Here’s a list of flicks for the dudes to gather around the tele and toast their egg nogs.  Cheers!

Half Baked – Dave Chappelle and Jim Breuer (Saturday Night Live) have some ‘weed for a good cause’ fun, i.e. raising enough money to save Harland Williams’ (Employee of the Month) virgin ass and get  him out of prison.  Some of the gags are crude and stale, but director Tamra Davis (Billy Madison) and Chappelle’s witty writing with Neal Brennan (Chappelle’s Show) keep the amusing and lighthearted sequences coming.  A few great pothead cameos and unexpected guest stars also keep a mellow viewer on his toes.  I don’t think this is a bad movie, but obviously, it has a very limited audience demographic, doesn’t it?

The Hangover – Oh, the absurd things that can go wrong in Vegas and how effing funny they can be!  This 2009 comedy starring Bradley Cooper (Alias, Wedding Crashers), Ed Helms (The Office), and Zach Galifianakis (Due Date) has just the right amount of gags and stupidity to be a modern classic.  In addition to the similar but far superior reverse memory storyline like Dude, Where’s My Car?, director Todd Phillips (Old School) makes room for honest male bonding and even some fun sentiment.  But, let’s not get too crazy now, because this is a dude’s list.  The Hangover is strangely touching, hysterical, and some how both preposterous and realistic at the same time. I’m really looking forward to The Hangover Part II.

 

Inglourious Basterds – Okay, so this is actually a Michael Fassbender (Hunger) movie, too, but this is one the guys can enjoy. (If you’re gal is one of the Fassinator obsessed, you’ll be pleased by his fate here- or, you might even think he’s pretty cool, “There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch” and all that.) Quentin Tarantino’s 2009 alternative World War II romp looks the period perfection and has plenty of fine irony about how film can save the world.  However, I’ve seen this one a couple of times and I still can’t decide if I like it or not.  Some sequences are a little too clever and full of themselves, and though he’s supposed to be an over the top send up, sometimes I just hate Brad Pitt’s (He’s Brad %^&*# Pitt I don’t need to refer to another movie!) stupid accent here.  Thankfully, Best Supporting Actor winner Christoph Waltz (The Three Musketeers) adds serious charm and weight.  Even if you’re not a Tarantino fan, this one deserves at least one viewing, and obsessive fans can eat this one up with plenty of multiple watches.  

 (I respect all holidays: Christmas, Hanukkah, and even the %^&$#% Fassbender Festivus!)

The Men Who Stare At Goats – I really don’t like George Clooney.  In fact, I generally hate George Clooney (Michael Clayton, Syriana). However, the delightful Ewan McGregor (Revenge of the Sith, Moulin Rouge!) and wonderful Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart) make up the slack in this 2009 adaptation of author Jon Ronson’s book from director Grant Heslov (Good Night, and Good Luck- I guess he really likes Clooney then).  The tongue and cheek brilliance of casting an actor who has played a Jedi in a comedy about a New Age and Jedi-esque military project gone humorously awry is worth at least one helping of ironic viewing.  The fact that McGregor is so believable as the straight man for most of the picture makes this stupidity all the more fun.  Bridges is a little too much like The Big Lebowski sometimes, but seeing The Dude put the army on its LSD ear is also a great trip.  Again, perhaps you either get this one or you don’t, but with some spiked cider and a group of friends, one can certainly have some fun here.

Zombieland – I don’t know that I would call this 2009 zombie road trip movie truly horror, as the primary bits are not about how gory and badass said zombies could be. Thankfully, the coming of age humor amid those meddling undead makes for great fun and gags.  Director Ruben Fleischer (Fantasy Factory) and writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (The Joe Schmo Show) have some apocalyptic seriousness, but the onscreen zombie survival rules are sweet. Woody Harrelson (The People Versus Larry Flint) and Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network) seem like a seriously unlikely pair, but both have a lot of fun here and give it their all.  Naturally, I’m not a Jewish guy, so some of Eisenberg’s too similar to Michael Cera charm gets lost on me, but Bill Murray (again, no reference needed) is just gold.  I really hope the formula isn’t screwed for the sequel, but as Rule #32 reminds us, “Enjoy the little things.”

So hug your bro briefly and not too closely, have a shot, and get those Fassy girls away from the TV and under the mistletoe ASAP. 

Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex a Mish Mash of What Could Have Been

By Kristin Battestella

I had to wait to see the 2010 comic book western Jonah Hex until it came up in my husband’s Netflix queue.  Sadly, we were both disappointed in this hodgepodged and chopped up adaptation of what could have been a fine, brooding western with modern sensibilities.

After Confederate veteran Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) disobeys an order from his commander Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) and ends up killing his friend and Turnbull’s son Jeb (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), Turnbull seeks revenge by killing Hex’s family and branding his face.  After recuperating with Native Americans, Hex is able to toe the line of death and can temporarily resurrect and speak to the dead.  He seeks vengeance on Turnbull and his Irish henchman Burke (Michael Fassbender), but the prostitute Lilah (Megan Fox) wishes to runaway with Hex.  President Grant (Aidan Quinn) sends his Lieutenant (Will Arnett) to find Hex, for he is the only man who can prevent Turnbull from completing and using a powerful superweapon to destroy Washington D.C. on America’s Centennial.

Um, yeah. Well, Red Dead Redemption is a better western than Jonah Hex turned out to be. The narration explains a lot of what should have been shown, and it’s really odd that director Jimmy Hayward (Horton Hears a Who!) put a comic animation into the film rather than actually showing more of Hex’s quasi mystical Indian recovery.  I know this is based on a DC Comic, but someone-probably a lot of coming and going someones-dropped the ball in this poorly edited, under 80 minute adaptation.  Writers Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Gamer, Crank) and William Farmer (Bullethead) should have either played the straight western or kicked up the fantastical and deathly angles. Instead, we end up with a ho-hum mix of both thanks to the uneven story, editing, and direction.  This could have been a seriously intelligent yarn with plenty of R action, but brooding questions between Hex and Turnbull asking who is the worse monster or more damned soul are never fully explored.  Every scene in Jonah Hex is simply too short.  Was this entire production really cornered into appealing to the instantaneous PG teenage demographic?  

Everything happens too fast here. Slow down the entire picture, please! It is okay to stop for detailed character observation, and there was so much more to explore in Jonah Hex.  Why was Turnbull targeting hospitals during the war to begin with? Hex is pro confederacy but anti slavery, why?  His wife was an American Indian- what were his ties to the Native tribes before his mystical experience? How did Hex meet Lilah anyway?  How many times have we seen films marking the 100th anniversary of the US- this plot point could have been much more involved indeed.  Your main character’s life is in a flashback for goodness sake!  Another half hour straightening all of this out could have gone a long way.  In addition to the historical and mystical unevenness (make up your $%^&*# mind!) the choppy editing leaves plenty of plot holes.  How did Burke know where to find Lilah-or that she was even involved with Hex?  Even if some of these nitpicks are explained, blink and you miss it.  I’ve heard of movies faulted for being to slow-especially for American mentalities- but this pacing is ridiculous.  Was there a point to Hex and Turnbull’s purgatory-esque desert battlings? Whose brilliant idea was it to cut between two fights on two different planes but with the same men? You’d think we’d want Hex to end this film ASAP, but if this was all supposed to be so dang angry and personal, how do you conclude with an open, happy ending?

Actually, I feel bad for Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men).  Although it’s understandably ugly looking and unrealistic at the same time, the face makeup design is cool. Brolin makes the good bounty hunting cowboy- a lot of American actors today really don’t have that kind of onscreen weight. And while I think he could have added an even darker voice and angry presence to Hex, the script fails Brolin more than anything else.  Is he a cool bad ass or all about the vengeance? Again, his narration doesn’t help in establishing much of anything.  I don’t doubt Brolin could have done more- it’s amazing he’s in demand again all these years after The Goonies- but even his best delivered lines don’t make up for some seriously weak dialogue.  His performance can’t have been easy with the facial prosthetics; and hey, the cute dog angles were a lot of fun, but it just seems like we don’t spend enough time getting to know the titular man himself.  We never actually meet Hex’s family, so how can we care about his revenge? Was it a good marriage? Did he know Lilah during his marital life? Now that would have been interesting!  

At first, I thought it was just me on my Fassy Festivus Bender bender, but it seems anyone who saw this film thought Michael Fassbender’s (Hunger, 300, Inglourious Basterds) over the top and  bizarre Riddler-esque Burke was the best part of Jonah Hex. 10 years from now, I suspect everyone is going to look back at this film and ask how did we not know this man was a star.  It’s like Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise. (Chick kills guy, chick bags Brad Pitt, chicks go over cliff, fin.)  Am I gushing? I’m trying not to, really I am.  Besides, what are the odds of an actor starring in two titles with the word ‘hex’ in them?  Perhaps Fassbender doesn’t have a lot of screen time here or his scenes may seem infrequent, but there simply isn’t a lot of onscreen for anyone in a 70-minute plus credits movie. Burke’s great joy at violence tides us over from scene to scene, but his sequences are too dang brief- go to the kitchen and you miss an awful lot in this movie!  Fassbender completely transforms himself again with wonderfully bad yet jubilant eyes and a musical, almost operatic way of killing.  I must say, I laughed for days over his first line a half hour into the film. Who the heck else can get away with a line like “pretty orange balls”?  Burke’s Irish accent is thick, put on, exaggerated, even crazy at times when he sings his little ditties, and I would love to see Fassbender and Brolin head to head again for sure.

I feel bad that Burke seems to steal Hex’s thunder, but he’s made a much more interesting character. We only know what we see from Burke’s psychotic ways and crazy attitude, but otherwise he’s a mystery.  Why is such a bowler wearing thoroughly Irish guy with Maori tattoos whistling Johnny Reb tunes and taking a backseat to Turnbull? Fassbender’s badass shouldn’t be second fiddle to John Malkovich - which isn’t an easy thing for me to say (even during the said Fassbender Festivus) because most people can’t help themselves at being inferior to John Malkovich.  Fassbender has the best lines in Jonah Hex, and he rhythmically delivers almost flirtatious insults about Hex’s “pretty” face.  Clearly, he’s absolutely having fun in his scene with Megan Fox, although there should have been a lot more sedition and juiciness in that scene.  A man like Burke pulls a Bowie knife like that on a woman and he’s going to use it!  Honestly, if we’re going to have a mini microfilm, just splice Brolin and Fassy’s scenes together, you need nothing else from Jonah Hex.  I don’t think the production knew what they had when the film was cut, but once they realized how Burke overshadows everyone, Fassbender was brought along in the promotion and marketing campaign. Frankly, I’d rather they just put out a damn Director’s Cut DVD with the other half hour of the frickin’ movie!  I’ve been waiting for the Blockbuster near me to close so I can get one of the 50 Jonah Hex copies for $1-or $3 tops.  Even for Fassbender, I’m not paying anymore for this movie than I absolutely have to.  Now, if there was a re-cut 2 hour plus blu- ray director’s edition with a no holds barred complete Burke and Lilah scene, I’d pay full price and put an amen to it.

  

Well then, let’s talk about Megan Fox, shall we?  I’m sorry but the Transformers hottie does not look right in a period piece.  Her style and design here is simply too modern with steam punk-like costumes amid all the other Victorian proper ladies. Yes, Lilah is a prostitute, but the other styles are authentic, why isn’t hers?  Good Lord, Fox has a tiny-ass becorseted waist here, and boys, she is very pretty indeed.  If Fox’s placement here was purely for the drool, then why are the sex scenes faded to black anyway?  Why does she even like Hex? Where is the explanation for why she is such a kickass lover and fighter?  Lilah’s action scenes are styled like Underworld, again steam punk against the straight up fight scenes between the boys.  Why?  Although I confess I’ve not see any of her other work, I’ll even go out on a limb and say perhaps she does have talent, somewhere.  Sadly, even in a film as bad as Jonah Hex, she is out of her class.  For some reason, Fox also seems soft focused or ill lit. I didn’t think they still did that- wasn’t that sort of filming reserved for when Marilyn Monroe was drunk or when Ingrid Bergman could only be filmed from her preferred side? If Jonah Hex is any indication, Fox is not in the same group as those ladies, that’s for dang sure.    

Wow, John Malkovich (Places in the Heart, Dangerous Liaisons, In the Line of Fire, and of course Being John Malkovich) looks old and completely mis-styled as an angry and powerful Southern gentleman hell bent on the South rising again. I have to wonder, how many days did he work on this film? Such a thespian deserves far better material to sink his teeth into, and the seemingly disinterested Turnbull just mumbles through his fleeting scenes. His scenes here make me want to watch his classy self in The Man in the Iron Mask.  And poor Aidan Quinn (Legends of the Fall, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee) deserves far more than exposition and little more then a cameo in what might have been a seriously fine performance as Ulysses Grant. He can have a movie as Grant at the centennial all on his own.  There’s so many name people in Jonah Hex, both well cast and miscast, who aren’t even introduced or have only one brief scene.  Tom Wopat- Luke Duke, really? And where has Wes Bentley (American Beauty) been all these years? 

Now, there are a few favorable things in Jonah Hex, believe it or not. The costume design, sweet New Orleans locations, and brief Civil War action look authentic enough- so much so one might wonder why the story just didn’t start closer to battle action that spurred this supposedly so critical hatred in motion. Linger on the Civil War and personal issues where you can’t go wrong, lengthen the dang movie some, and that actually even leaves a chance for sequels.  Although the western look is on form with a naturally rugged and dirty palette, the frigging horse cannon is simply preposterous!  What horse is going to stay still for that? And what’s the point of the cowboy snake man cage match thing? Excuse me, not that I know that much about explosives, but a damn dynamite gun couldn’t work if the sticks sweat, right? Kaboom. (Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!) Just like every other action picture, the big bangs are too loud and the voices are all too darn soft.  Everything in Jonah Hex seems one step forward, two steps back. The train heist sequence is very sweet; the music is a fitting blend of period-esque and some hard modern stylings; and the mostly real locations go a long way against the ease of today’s CGI backgrounds. I simply love the old school twang added to opening Warner Brothers logo, too. Sadly, so many things are too dark to see, and that extreme gunnery and orange ball exposition is just not flying.  A ‘Nation Killer’ weapon- is that a WMD reference or just dumb?   

Of course, there’s also all kinds of other crap filling up the blu-ray rental edition of Jonah Hex, all of it unrelated to the show of course. There are no features on the rental edition or even scene select options, either, but at least we have subtitles. Goodness gracious me there are just too many credits and useless fluff.  I seriously wish this would simply be redone, like the Exorcist: The Beginning and Dominion: Prequel to The Exorcist or Edward Norton’s quick The Incredible Hulk reboot of Ang Lee’s 2003 Hulk.  Although I’ve not read the comic series, I’m a sucker for a good western.  We haven’t had many in recent years, and this story deserves to be done properly.  Maybe the material would have been better served as a television series? We are overdue for another hard-hitting episodic western as well. Instead of being a short, gimmicky, juvenile mix of badass and comic book, Jonah Hex should have been long, dark, brooding, and heavy.  Even if you don’t like brooding westerns, this juvenile yarn attempt clearly failed, didn’t it? No doubt, there are actually audiences out there who can love this silly little flawed film.  Completist fans of the cast will certainly add Jonah Hex to their collections as well. However, if you’re looking for a mature western or faithful adaptation, move along cowboy. 

 

(As you can see by the screen captures, I did pick up Jonah Hex on DVD for $2.  Perhaps since I saw it on blu-ray first or maybe the digital grading on the film was poor; but this was a very tough film to capture.  Most of the images came out too dark, distorted, and pixelated.  I tried to brighten the Megan Fox pictures, but hopefully you can still see the day-glow effect in the shots. However, while going frame by frame trying to capture Michael Fassbender's good smack on her, I think I caught a boob flash for the boys!)

The Platters Christmas Legends

The Platters Christmas Legends Indeed

By Kristin Battestella

I’m not a fan of the current secular, non-religious Christmas trend- but I love the old school classic groups like The Platters. Although this 2002 compilation set Very Merry Gentlemen: The Platters Christmas Legends is indicative of this Ho Ho Ho over the Creche, fans young and old can’t help but enjoy this upbeat, swinging, fifties styled collection.

Here Comes Santa Claus leads off Very Merry Gentlemen and sets the hip, fun pace of the album.  It may seem a little juvenile, but hey, what’s wrong with that?  Besides, this rendition is dang catchy for the kids to sing along to.  Deck the Halls also adds some charm and spin to what can sometimes be a stuffy tune.  These two starting tracks are the shortest on what is actually a short, almost fleeting 30-minute set.  Fortunately, The Platters keep the music airy and jolly with more tunes like I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Usually slowed down to being a little too soft and kinky, the innocence, tongue in cheek, and jazzy nature wins here.

Silver Bells is the first slow rendition presented, and the easy stylings make room for The Platters to hold notes and harmonize as only they can. I’ve tried to research when these recordings were done and which line up laid down these tracks, but I’ve had no luck.  It sounds good, and sounds like how we expect The Platters to sound- in the end I suppose that’s all that matters.  I don’t know how anyone cannot like them, honestly.  Next is God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman, the first of three traditional carols in this largely generically festive set.  Though it’s a medieval-esque carol, The Platters step this one up with quick beats and snappy refrains. Can carols be doo-wop? Yes!  Who knew?

 

The Christmas Song slows Very Merry Gentlemen down some again for a nice, mellow fireside evening.  There’s isn’t a lot of room for the breakout notes some singers add, but The Platters add in some very pleasant, unexpected ad-libs around this timeless melody.  Likewise, We Wish You A Merry Christmas keeps the traditional lighthearted and fun.  You just want to get up and do a little jitterbug with this one.  Silent Night, however, is as slow and reverent as they can come.  All those sweet fifties notes are allowed room to get down and spiritual. In some ways, you need not have any other serious carol on the set if you are going to do a sweet Silent Night like this.  A tune like this is usually served best as the final track on an album- sending the evening out on a somber note- but that isn’t really indicative of the total overall vibe here.

Joy to the World continues some of the spirit with a surprisingly slower that usual arrangement.  Instead of getting fun and happy go lucky, The Platters take their time with some flute-like harmony.  Of course, it’s still a sweet listen and easy sing a long.  Some songs you just can’t do wrong. Lastly, White Christmas sends the set out in traditional holiday Americana fashion.  One might expect The Platters to go super hip like The Drifters rendition, but they charmingly stick to this bittersweet Irving Berlin ode of the season. Ah, the simplicity of a fifties Christmas!

 

No, Very Merry Gentlemen is not the best album by The Platters- perhaps nothing will ever compare to my Greatest Hits vinyl collection with all their classics like ‘Only You’, ‘Smoke Gets in Your Eyes’, ‘The Great Pretender’ and my favorite ‘Love of a Lifetime’.  Even the title and set editions seem to be a conundrum- ‘gentlemen’ for a group with a female singer? Last year Amazon listed the CD as discontinued, but I was fortunate to find a second hand copy.  However, this year it’s back in stock.  Sadly, it doesn’t look like Amazon offers individual MP3 downloads from which the new generation can pick and choose either.  Several other Christmas compilations from The Platters are also readily available or equally elusive, with repeat songs and varied track listings to haunt a collector.  Technicalities aside, this set is great for young families to dance and sing along with while wrapping the presents and yet sophisticated enough for a swanky uptown holiday party.  Reminisce and enjoy the season with Very Merry Gentlemen: The Platters Christmas Legends.

Noel

Josh Groban’s Noel a Modern Christmas Delight

By Kristin Battestella

After trying my husband’s ear with one too many old time shrill but flat Christmas records, I broke down and picked up the 2007 contemporary Christmas best seller Noel from singer Josh Groban.  While I’m not one to normally go along with the current pop sensation, Noel is an easy listening holiday delight.

Although it’s usually a conclusion piece, Silent Night introduces Noel and showcases Groban’s unusual baritone and tenor stylings.  The tone of the album is set with this rousing melody- we’re in for an hour of uplifting reverence even if there isn’t a truly fast, swinging tune here.  The fine Little Drummer Boy continues the updated but respectful trend.  Usually played in juvenile or childish motifs or strangely often sung by women, Groban adds maturity and modern personality while holding true to the heartfelt innocence of this timeless tale.  Outside of the old Johnny Cash version, it’s tough to think of a better rendition.

However, I feel bad saying I’ll Be Home for Christmas goes over the top a little too much with the spoken sound bites and military greetings.  The song is sad, bittersweet, and sentimental enough, and the album is certainly already relevant enough without adding more sappy and yet somehow political overtones.  This song also seems a little too easy for Groban, and the arrangement needs to be slowed down since he doesn’t have enough places to hold a good note or two.  Fortunately, the long-winded spirituality is made up in Ave Maria.  I like the old school material but this isn’t Pavarotti or the type of operatic orchestration that is sometimes a bit much to listen to- much less be able to sing along with. Groban hits all the notes needed but keeps the Madonna tune tender on the ear. Generally one doesn’t think of such an important song as background music, but the charming softness here is what keeps this album popular.

I feel as if we don’t hear Angels We Have Heard on High as much as we used to- especially outside of church, but this lovely tune isn’t often included in more pop oriented secular albums simply because it’s a tough cookie to sing.  Soul singer Brian McKnight joins Groban here in a special duet arrangement that layers and smartly uplifts the song without making those ‘Glo-o-o-o-o-O-o-o-o-o-O-o-o-o-o-O-ri-a in Ex-cel-sis De-o’ refrains get out of hand.  Where I’ll be Home for Christmas may have laid the sentiment on a little thick, the original tune Thankful strikes a far better cord of somber seasonal appreciation.  The personal yet social lyrics blend wonderfully with Groban’s range. His near cracking heartfelt delivery adds a tear inducing touch, and because this is a new composition, we’re forced to pay attention rather than just gloss over some of the old carols that we seem to increasingly take for granted.  

Although it’s tough to go wrong with The Christmas Song, this secular tune is again a little too slow in making room for Groban’s long notes.  Perhaps because Noel is dominated by lovely but not so easy to sing carols, it seems as if Groban is meant to be the modern voice of the good old classics.  Anybody can sing The Christmas Song really.  It’s not that this is a bad version, it’s just we already have so many renditions of it.  I’d love to have heard Groban handle another difficult staple like Oh Holy Night instead.  What Child Is This is such a medieval styled reverence that not everyone can sing.  Groban’s music and arrangement sound of the past, but also updated for today- the Johnny Mathis for this generation.  As popular as Noel has become and will continue to be in coming years, I’d like to see another Christmas album from Josh Groban at some point with more lofty carols.

I’m not a country music fan, but I suppose if there’s one person who has the crossover superstar power to match Groban’s vocal, it is probably Faith Hill.  Their The First Noel duet does still have a few notes of needless country twang- Hill can hold the note, why does she need to make that little hick hiccup and quiver where none is required? I much prefer the gospel chorus once they join in and ad-lib the second turn of the song with serious spiritual weight.  As much as I praise Noel for bringing much needed religious tunes back to the secular world, there is absolutely nothing wrong with belting a carol the way it should be belted. Put an Amen to it!

Petit Papa Noel is probably unfamiliar to most in America, but it’s a beautiful French carol nonetheless and Groban nails it perfectly- again giving a deep operatic weight without reminding us that we’re listening to a serious song in another language. It sounds pretty and Christmasey, that’s all that matters.  And really, the French is, in a strange way, understandable on the heart and spirit.  Likewise, we don’t hear It Came Upon a Midnight Clear as often as we used to, and that’s just unacceptable.  It’s refreshing to hear another lovely carol getting the contemporary but no less reverent update from Groban.  You know, I’ve never heard his other albums, and while some may want to follow his discography after Noel, at the same time this album feels like his perfect showcase of voice and soul.

Panis Angelicus adds more of that easy listening international operatic spin.  I know it seems contradictory in some cases to mention opera and pop in the same breath, but Groban’s contemporary arrangements are handled by a powerful yet somehow casual voice. Maybe folks just like his voice and style; maybe it’s the album’s unique mix of the updated blended with traditional holiday classics. Whatever you choose to take away from this seasonal chart topper, it is a dang good holiday listen.  Lastly, my favorite carol O Come All Ye Faithful bookends well with Silent Night and concludes Noel in fine worship-esque fashion. Again, we expect these tracks to be reversed on such a set, but Groban ends with lovely medieval music and devotional choruses.  I would have liked some of the good old Latin, but you can’t have it all I suppose.

Despite a few forgivable hiccups, Noel has increased in sales and popularity for a reason. I’d like to think the album skyrocketed through the charts because it is a largely religious set without some of the heavy handedness or mid-century sounds of traditional Christmas albums.  Then again, it could be the easy pop, soft secular, background music sensibilities.  Whatever your musical style or beliefs, families young and old can enjoy Noel each and every Christmastide.

Hunger (2008)

Hunger Took My Breath Away

By Kristin Battestella

I warned you I was on a Michael Fassbender bender.  Despite hearing all the praise for his 2008 drama Hunger, I was reluctant to watch this tale of Bobby Sands and the 1981 Irish Hunger Strike.  I’ve had The Machinist in my Instant Watch queue for months, always skipping over and over it again in favor of something else.  I simply don’t like films with sickly, gaunt, skinny, skeletal people.  It’s too Holocaust, too Concentration Camp photo to me.  I don’t get squeamish over many things, but skeletal people are the one thing that gets me every time.  Thus, I left Hunger buried in my Netflix queue and then took it out of my DVD list all together.  It came up in my recommendations across the site, and then tempted me silently from my Roku box listings.  Even at the video store, its quiet cover taunted and beckoned me!  Finally, one night out of the blue when I had plenty of other things to do (too much really) I gave in- sans my usual popcorn. Eating popcorn during a movie about a hunger strike somehow just didn’t seem right. 

After fellow Irish prisoners Davey (Brian Milligan) and Gerry (Liam McMahon) endure brutal abuses and inhumane treatments at the Maze Prison, IRA Officer Bobby Sands (Fassbender) decides to end the prisoners’ blanket and no-wash strike efforts in favor of a hunger strike.  Despite concerns from his parents (Helen Madden and Des McAleer) and Father Dominic Moran‘s (Liam Cunningham) attempts to convince Sands that this statement will be equally unsuccessful, Sands proceeds.  In hopes that his sacrifice will bring about political status for his compatriots, Sands refuses food and medical treatment for 66 days as his body slowly wastes away.

Oh. My. God. Debut director Steve McQueen (No not that Steve McQueen) starts slowly, but certainly makes up for any unusual pacing with co writer’s Enda Walsh (Disco Pigs, Chatroom) disturbing but somehow lovely and non-political narrative.  Fast-paced Americans might become hung up on the simmering opening and silent moving shots of seemingly insignificant objects, but these scenes quietly establish the tone, history, and character backgrounds needed to proceed with the tale at hand.  Hunger is not about the British and Irish politics or history and issues of the time.  I know it seems strange to say that this is not a political movie, but McQueen steadfastly puts a face to The Troubles.  Hunger is about a person- a human being at the forefront of suffering.  Naturally, this is not a picture for the faint of heart.  We begin with naked humiliations, ill uses of excrement, objects in bodily orifices, and if that doesn’t shock you, Hunger gets heavier from there.  Americans might be even more surprised that there isn’t a lot of dialogue early on -actually, outside of one major sequence, there isn’t much talking in Hunger at all. Being a visual artist first and foremost, McQueen lets his imagery tell the tale- and yet the supposedly posh guards and dirty anonymous prisoners aren’t all they seem. 

I don’t really want to give too much away, as it helps to go into Hunger relatively cold, with only the basics of the history at hand.  If you have any preconceived notions about the Hunger Strike, leave them at the opening credits.  Were Hunger an American film- every fricking thing would have been over stylized with all kinds of orchestration and supposedly avante garde metaphors and symbolism from the likes of Tom Cruise.  Hollywood would have the audience shell shocked with graphic blood, effects, and prison torture ala Saw. While Hunger is certainly graphic, none of that head bashing overabundance and flash is needed here.  Everything is paired down- this film looks like it is emaciated and on strike against the glitzy system.  Hunger looks realistically bleak, dirty, nasty, and (excuse the pun) bare bones.  With plenty of unpleasant but no less intimate prison nudity, hardly any music, and mostly all diegetic sounds, a viewer might almost think this is a documentary, not art.

 Well, Michael Fassbender knows how to make an onscreen entrance- and this is certainly not a glamorous introduction.  Although he as Sands is the star of the film, Fassbender doesn’t appear until a half hour into the movie.  In fact, he probably is only in the ninety-minute picture for a little more than half the time, and again, most of that time is without any dialogue.  After the lovely 22-minute conversation halfway through the film, Fassbender returns to the silence for the conclusion of the picture. I don’t want to be a super gushy girl, but this sequence is just amazing.  All that’s said is said- in some cases without actually being said at all- and then it’s back to more silent visuals echoing the words spoken and unspoken.  McQueen’s visuals and Fassbender’s character balance each other wonderfully, making Hunger a visually based character statement.  All the underscored camera stylings strengthen Sands’ onscreen happenings.  What are his real motivations for the strike?  Which is it, suicide or murder?  Fassbender does not make the answer easy- Sands isn’t played as a martyr or messianic historical figure at all thanks to Fassy’s keeping the humanity real.  The man really starved himself for 10 weeks for just a measly 15 minutes of movie!  Stelios this is not. Fassbender perfectly captures the mundane and monotony of starvation and the silent bodily torment of waiting to die while yet clinging to the hope that your action will sound like the voice in the wilderness. 

It’s a good thing Fassbender did this film in relatively obscurity, before he truly hits the mainstream next year as Magneto in X-Men: First Class.  Its fitting that we don’t think along the lines of ‘Oh, its just Russell Crowe in prison!’ Blockbuster stars don’t make these kinds of edgy and risky independent films- honestly they can’t since they are so recognizable.  However, major stars also have deep enough pockets that they don’t have to bleed art and make films like Hunger.  Fassbender- like Bobby Sands- silently states that he has to do this.  After toiling on both sides of the Atlantic for ten years and despite notable success in 300, perhaps breakout and/or meaty film offers just weren’t coming his way.  Would he have been done with acting if not for this film? You can clearly see in some of his earlier work that Fassbender has skill and loves to do what he does best: act. However, one gets the impression that if Hunger had not been such a hit on the festival circuit and led to scene stealing roles in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds and the fallen western Jonah Hex, years from now we might have wondered what happened to Michael Fassbender.  He had to go to some dark places to make this movie, and we get to see it whether we like it or not.  Up until a few months ago, I really didn’t know who this damn guy was. However, I am continually impressed by his transformative skills onscreen. In interviews discussing Hunger, you can’t help but like his confident and articulate but fun loving German-Irish self; yet in the film, his eyes are so sad and utterly captivating.  I can absolutely see why Fassbender has something like eight films lined up in the next two years, and I hope more audiences find him and Hunger. After seeing this picture, you most definitely come away with the feeling that Michael Fassbender can now do whatever the fuck he wants and we should simply buckle up and enjoy the ride.  

Though Fassbender steals the show here- this is about him after all- Hunger is not a solo piece.  Stuart Graham (The Clinic, Michael Collins) is delightfully stoic as Officer Lohan.  We meet his wife and mother; see his difficulty at what he does. It doesn’t make it easy to discern who is right or wrong in Hunger.  Is Lohan a bad person because he has such an ugly job?  Are the wonderfully unashamed Brian Milligan (Leap Year) and Liam McMahon (Snatch, The Tudors) bad because they are on the wrong side of the prison bars?  But of course Liam Cunningham’s (Attila, Dog Soldiers, The Wind that Shakes the Barley) part of the piece is also exceptional.  Halfway through Hunger, Father Moran gives the viewer an onscreen representative asking why Sands is doing what he’s doing.   It’s wonderfully ironic to have an angry, pissy, chain smoking and embittered priest brought in to sit opposite Sands and discuss matters of the soul.  Again, for actors who business is all about how they look and what they say, Hunger is excellent at the simplicity of what we see and don’t outright hear.  Were technicalities with timing and limited release dates, campaigning finances, and the stubbornness of the Academy the only things that kept this picture and its performers from Oscar contention?  Tsk, tsk.

In spite all the visual disturbia- Hunger has in many ways re-enforced my discomfort with those sickly, gaunt, skinny, skeletal depictions- I seriously enjoyed this film.  There is, somehow, a strange viewer joy in the silence of a well-told tale.  I’ve been begging some of these fast paced, herky jerky, effects laden films to put away the CGI hysteria and return to the simplicity of pointing a camera at your performers and letting them do their thang.  The 17 minute unbroken two-shot here is exactly what I mean.  Effects and other technical dressing are just tools in the toolbox, not the entire workshop! No special effects are needed for this wonderfully witty, serious, sad, and natural conversation. It’s not a boring sequence. The actors do move within the frame- and we have to pay attention to the hidden ticks, vocal inflections, heck even the smoking of the cigarettes in order to understand the full meaning of what’s being said.  Hunger does not insult its audience’s intelligence. I simply adore the seemingly off the cuff but utterly great and understated discussion about Sands smoking The Book of Lamentations.  Many years ago, I did a thesis and taught a course on this poetic chronicle of the destruction of Jerusalem and the exile in Babylon. While some may assume there’s just a joke in that a good Catholic would of course only smoke a stuffy little Old Testament lament, it’s really an ingenious hint aligning the IRA’s troubles to Biblical mourning and resilience.  This is perhaps as political as Hunger gets- and for all our fast-paced American ways; you might blink and miss the philosophical and spiritual smarts here.  

All this haunting imagery and analysis on the best and worst of what humanity can do each other, and yet I dare say Hunger is a beautiful film.  As I mentioned earlier, it is, of course, by no means easy to watch. This isn’t the kind of film you go through in slow motion for glimpses of Fassy’s wang- so get that thought out of your head now ladies.  Hunger is best viewed for its quiet, strike-esque performances, shock, and awe.  Afterwards, however, feel free to clear your mind with a pleasant, more mindless viewing of Hex and 300.  On some level, you have to try to forget about Hunger just to ease your brain.  Fortunately, after numerous festival awards, praises, and international acclaim, Hunger has found its way stateside with a Criterion DVD release and other streaming and rental options.  For some, however, the thick Irish language will be tough to understand without subtitles.  Hunger is a film you probably have to watch more than once to pick up every nuance of visual and performance- yet it’s not really a film you can forget, quite the opposite in fact.  You want to give Hunger another go, but at the same time, you don’t know if you can go through it again.  Against my better judgment, I picked up a rental copy of Hunger at my local Blockbuster’s store closing sale.  At $8 compared to the $35 blu-ray, it was an offer I could not refuse.  Of course, my little cheapy copy doesn’t have the behind the scenes features or McQueen’s commentary like the major release, and there’s a lot of other promotional trailers instead, but I digress.  It was a little unsettling making these screen captures, too- freeze framing to snap such skeletal wonders!

Suffice to say, despite its simple title, Hunger is not a simple movie.  It’s mode of operation is simple, yes- we have the subdued visuals and performance needed with none of the flare.  However, its realistic, human portrayal rings loud and clear- the only thing missing from Hunger is a wider audience.  If you’ve read my reviews previously, you know I don’t give this kind of praise to just anyone, and I wouldn’t be on a Fassbender binge without good reason.  If you’re not yet a fan, see Hunger and you soon will be.