The
Naked Jungle is So Bad It’s Good!
By
Kristin Battestella
I
mentioned in my Band of Angels analysis
earlier this year that I had a bit of a jones for this 1954 tropical romance
yarn. I mean, it’s Charlton Heston, Mail
Order Brides, and Killer Ants! So, I ask you, what’s not to love?
Joanna
(Eleanor Parker) arrives at the Leiningen cocoa plantation in South
America ready to meet her new husband by proxy Christopher Leiningen
(Heston). Unfortunately, the jungle is a
savage place, and Leiningen has worked too hard alone to entrust himself or his
wealth to Joanna despite her compassion towards him. The refined New Orleans beauty is the
perfect ornament to Leiningen’s collection, but she was briefly married and
subsequently widowed, and this revelation further drives a wedge between her
and her rugged husband. They agree
Joanna should return home on the next available boat- but the oncoming Matabura
ant infestation threatens the plantation and unites the couple against nature’s
deadly devastation.
Some
old films are classic and rightfully so, but older not so stellar films like The Naked Jungle have their all in good
fun place, too. Director Byron Haskin (Treasure Island, War of the Worlds) and script writers
Ranald MacDougall (Mildred Pierce)
and Ben Morrow (The Asphalt Jungle) hinder
the basis of Carl Stephenson’s “Leiningen Versus the Ants” short story with an
over focus on the romance and an uneven, almost tacked on ant action finale. Added to expand the adventure into a ninety-minute
picture, the sappy love story elements are very of the time kitschy and often
downright hokey. Tongue twisting, misogynistic, awkward dialogue and the
prudish notion that Joanna’s prior year long marriage is the main division
between her and Leiningen just seem too unrealistic- even for the onscreen turn
of the century via fifties time portrayed. Though bemusing, the explanations
given- “He was very gay, very charming, and very drunk” – don’t help The Naked Jungle’s credibility any. It’s supposed to be juicy and scandalous for its
day- long looks at womanly silhouettes complete with swelling music and a mad
dash for the brandy before a sudden cut to crackling thunder and lightning! Her unlocked door, the symbolic white dress
dirtied in the mud, the native bug repellant rubdown- we get it. The entire
approach is obvious and clichéd, merely going through the motions from one act
to another without any room for our players to really know each other- much
less give us reason to care. Audiences
today won’t believe the line dropped personal journeys and phantom soul
searching from this not so happy couple. Nevertheless, the over the top
melodrama can be quite entertaining- just for all the wrong reasons!
The
South American secondary players in The
Naked Jungle aren’t given much beyond one offensive turn after another,
either. Native workers are stereotypically stupefied before their white masters
or lurk as menacing, dirty jungle folk needing “two baths.” Some are portrayed as comical, simple people who
speak the same English phrases poorly and carry cute, funny music cues with
their entrances and exits. They paint their faces; bang drums, speak gibberish,
and carry out barbaric poison dart rituals too brutal for “Leiningen’s woman”
to witness. Some of the responsive gibberish from Charlton Heston is even
translated in the subtitles! “He’s more
civilized then the rest, he has Mayan blood,” Chuck says of one loyal worker before
asking him to present his “treasure”- a shrunken head Leiningen uses to dupe an
angry neighbor. Some of the ethnic
terminology also doesn’t feel correct. They are in South
America but all the locals are blanketedly called Indians? Wikipedia
says The Naked Jungle takes place is Peru,
but no attempt to discern where they are, who the Native peoples are and what
they speak is given onscreen. Back then; this was probably okay, even beside
the point to all the saucy ambiance. To the contemporary viewer, however, it
all comes off very poor, to say the
least. The audience just can’t
appreciate the lawless lands or true wilds on display in The Naked Jungle with these unjust portrayals.
The
unrealistic, erroneous representation of the Marabunta threat is also
mishandled in The Naked Jungle- and this is
supposed to be a critical element in the film. After being tossed in almost as an
afterthought way too late in the picture, the man versus nature battle becomes
too comical to be properly entertaining.
Natural facts about the troublesome ants are distorted to the likes of
jumbo science fiction parasites whilst still being something “no bigger than my
thumb” as Big Chuck says. There is even
one shot of these evil little ants on their leaf boats setting off into the water
as if it were a carefully orchestrated invasion! “Sound the alarm! They are trying to cross the
river!” I dare say The Naked Jungle might
have been better from the ants’ perspective. Which plot is meant to be our
story? The romance or the sudden taming and reclaiming of the jungle? Perhaps
the two tales mean to parallel each other or intersect together in one sweeping
conclusion, but the pace and development on both sides is too far off for
either to matter.
Well
then, Charlton Heston was probably very glad
that those biblical epics came along when they did! I confess, I also love the somewhat similar
1956 hokey Heston picture Three Violent
People, too. He’s young and steamy
here- not at all like what would become his quintessential onscreen personas. His
big horseback introduction is angry, sweaty, and dirty, “Leiningen, Madam”- say
that three times fast! Leiningen is a bit
of an ass to start, making the wife he thought he wanted stick to a “schedule”
before he feeds her lizard. He wants her, but he doesn’t need anybody. Then why
the heck did you bother? Joanna is expected to be the ultimate symbol of his
hard working solitary achievements- he only wants her to play the piano. Seriously? Why does he automatically suspect this
perfect woman come his way is too good to be true? The awkward tension and
character motivations in The Naked Jungle
are simply all over the place. He’s
so rough because this land is so raw and wild enough to break a man, yawn. Leiningen
says he likes a woman with a temper- so then do something about it already!
When things do get naughty, he throws
perfume all over Joanna! Goodness gracious, the round and round in The Naked Jungle is so bad it’s giggly! After all, some of the dialogue also implies Leiningen
is a virgin who doesn’t dally with the local ladies. Are you
kidding me? Heston is not bad at all, but every character turn is so left
field. He’s a brute the bad jungle can’t
consume- but he’s really a shy virgin who reads poetry? The dialogue is
unbelievably MST3K, and in the end, we’re supposed to rally for this man as he
defeats killer ants? Yeah. Heston’s persona keeps The Naked Jungle fun and watchable,
thankfully. I mean, He’s Chuck Heston!
He can take on a few ants with the voice of God and a shotgun, can’t he?
Eleanor
Parker deserves more respect, indeed. Unfortunately, The Naked Jungle goes for a bit of an Anna and The King of Siam juicy wannabe angle for Joanna. Tossed
aside lines aren’t enough to find out why she was so willing to come all the way down to South
America ready, willing, and able to love her unseen husband. She’s kind to start, but has airs, graces,
no tact, and demands Leiningen count her teeth like a good bought horse. Huh?
I’m sure her fans will love it as Parker gets fifties scandalous and spends a
lot of the film in her corset and petticoat. She even meets Leiningen disrobed!
“You’re not dressed, madam,” ba donk a donk.
Joanna is bold and sassy with a sense of humor and a knack for
irritating interruptions, but all her signals are mixed. Often, she belittles
and seems arrogant instead of sympathetic. Even when our spouses warm to each
other and the audience should be so endeared, Joanna still comes off a little
bitchy. She isn’t personally all that interesting, and neither is the back and
forth tug and pull dominating The Naked
Jungle. At some point, we don’t care
if these people really get together or not- whom else would have them anyway-
but the cheesy conversations and over the top faux desire create a lot of laugh
aloud moments. It’s not a distinguishing
film for our leads by any means, but the quotes from this one are a riot. “There
are men and there are women. They are like spoons… Then tell me about spoons.” I don’t know how they kept a straight face!
Much
of these B poor subpar ways show in The
Naked Jungle’s design. The music is typical scary tribal, not rousing and
swift. The Edith Head costumes are fitting and fitting on Eleanor Parker, but the simple cut is too fifties
fashion. If you tuned in late and missed the “South
America 1901” opening tag, one wouldn’t know when this takes
place. I love the candelabras, and the interior dressings are pleasant
enough. Unfortunately, the style just
looks more bright and breezing mid century modern before plantation Victorian.
The Florida
scenery is nice, but all the action and explosions are small scale. The Naked Jungle simply isn’t as
sweeping Old World and exotic as should be. Make
no mistake, the colorful craftsmanship is there; but the DVD release isn’t the
fully restored best quality possible we expect today. Thankfully, at least
there are subtitles for that great, ridiculously embarrassing dialogue! I must say, if you look too deeply into The Naked Jungle, there are some ironic
prophetic touches, too. Heston says monkeys have more brains than ants but less
than people, alluding to his later Planet
of the Apes glory, and the big flood finale harkens thoughts of his The Ten Commandments triumph. Heck,
Leiningen ends up the last man standing ala The
Omega Man as well. One’s mind has
that much time to wander here.
It’s
hokey, flawed, sometimes ignorant, and downright laughable, but fans of Charlton
Heston can certainly enjoy The Naked
Jungle. He’s smeared in goop, covered in bugs, and then hosed down for goodness
sake! Eleanor Parker lovers will also most definitely delight in her shocking undressings, too. Old film
connoisseurs who adore dated and sappy adventure yarns can treat themselves to
the errors and cheesy here. This is not
a classic on merit, but nonetheless a bemusing good time for a drinking game or
a corny late night alone. Although anyone with a bug phobia might want to steer
clear of The Naked Jungle. Dun dun dun!
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