Seventies Creatures and Killers
By
Kristin Battestella
From
poisonous snakes and wild yetis to deadly daughters and a killer family playing
house, here’s a quartet of deranged creatures and murderous mayhem replete with
seventies charm.
Blood
Mania – The swanky music might
not be for everyone, but the period clothes are groovy, and dreamy, wild
opening credits with wispy nightgowns and psychedelic lighting start this 1970
flick off right. Producer, writer, and star Peter
Carpenter (Point of Terror) has intimate
fun with the dames and the double entendres while his crusty doctor turned
invalid patient worries if his slutty daughter Maria De Aragon (the face behind
Greedo in Star Wars, wow!) is
poisoning his breakfast. The blackmail and twists play like a porno edited
without the follow thru – seriously, the morning bathtub, the pool boy, a crook
ogling a wife, tension between said daughter and the pissy nurse – all before
one heady, hazy, drug induced sex scene. This sexploitation design gets to the
naked chicks in frothy bathtubs and seducing swimming pools quickly, however
the horror is slow coming for an 80-minute picture. Not only is there a fun
romantic romp at the marketplace montage and characters entering the uneven
plots too late, but it’s halfway thru the film before we get to contesting
family wills and something sinister afoot. Fans of soft saucy and juicy skin
with only a little crazy and creepy scares can have a good night in here for
sure. There is a bloody good, gory, if a bit nonsensical finale, too. However,
I’m not sure how this was ever classified as horror or ended up with such a
mismatched title. Indeed, I do hope these rumors of a missing twenty minutes
resolve the scary plot holes and more importantly comes out on video soon!
Girly
– Originally entitled Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny, and Girly, director
Freddie Francis (Dracula Has Risen from
the Grave) crafts a character unto itself in the lovely Oakley Court estate
landscapes and its 1970 décor and period interiors for this hour and forty minutes.
Fun zoo and animal footage adds to the seemingly safe and secure before creepy
voiceovers, suggestive siblings, loony adults, and playing dress up reveal the
mischievous but perfectly demented Mary Poppins manner soon to unravel thanks
to disturbing Lolita feelings, implied sexual aspects, and playmate macabre.
Some today may find the pace slow to get going or the no one acting their ages
British baby talk annoying, but the twisted build and off kilter humor work
nicely with the perspective camera work, hinted violence, and increasingly
disturbing intensity. Unexpected jack in a box jump moments keep the audience
on edge while bizarre adult size cribs and rocking horses accent the sickly
effective racist and anti-Christian moments. At times, it may be tough to laugh
at the unseen nasty and the well done skin crawling feeling it creates, yet
this peculiar family unit is strangely entertaining. The twisted sing songs and
murderous rhymes escalate toward a darker tone as the fun and games turn into a
life and death test of dementia and wills. How did this all begin and where is
it going? How long can these divisive depravities endure? Horror fans expecting
blood and gore or final analysis may be disappointed, but those who enjoy
depraved character studies with clever implications will delight in the
simmering spectacle here.
Snowbeast – Ominous music and dangerous snowy slopes belie the
sunshiny 1977 ski fashions, snowmobiles, and lush Colorado locales peppering
this deadly bigfoot tale. Despite the faded public print, a slightly small
scale made for television production, and some pathetically lame bloody ski
jackets; lovely forests and mountain photography shine along with tracking
zooms and killer camera perspectives. And the cast knows how to ski! The spooky
atmosphere restarts slightly once Bo Svenson (Breaking Point) and Yvette Mimieux (The Time Machine) arrive, and a past love triangle is somewhat
unnecessary, as is a skimpy Olympic flashback. However, these elements provide
some unexpected for a horror movie of the week dialogue on how Olympians often
have difficulty coming down to mortal levels and regular life after such glory.
Womanly angst aside, this really is just a Jaws
in the snow clone – one man believes in a monster after an opening attack, but
pesky grandma Sylvia Sidney (Beetlejuice)
dismisses it as an avalanche and withholds the news because the economically
needed carnival must go on. Unheeding
people take to the slopes, death ensues, and sheriff Clint Walker (Cheyenne)
claims it was a grizzly attack by presenting a mistakenly shot bear. Contrived
miscommunication and crap police action grow tiresome and the ski montages are
a tad longer than necessary. Thankfully, the period lack of smartphones and
natural snowy isolation remain effective. Shaggy Yeti arm appearances create
scare toppers amid the more dramatic act by act pace, and the bigfoot gone wild
is smartly only seen in shadows, dark windows, hairy flashes, or with quick,
snarling teeth. Seeing what the monster does – over turned vehicles, logs
tumbling, shattered glass – rather than what it definitively is keeps this
watchable despite those Jaws comparisons
and dated archetypes. The pace is uneven
in the final act – switching focus on characters and coming to a somewhat
speedily conclusion considering how we really just watched people skiing for 85
minutes – but this one remains fun for a summer cool down or a snowy night in
with the family.
Stanley
– 1972 eco statements, animal
photography, and lots of peace and love music start this 100 plus minutes
before the period Everglades beauty quickly
turns into dangerous swamps and fatal quicksand. For some viewers, the
poisonous snakes and creepy crawly pets will be horror enough thanks to
effective slithering and hissing sounds – our titular friend is a rattlesnake, after all. Star Chris
Robinson (12 O’clock High) must have
been very comfortable with all those snakes around his neck! Racist injun and
redskin remarks and more inappropriate attitudes of the time from the wrong
people around him, however, don’t make his Tim any more likeable for the
audience. He’s too warped and creepy, talking to snakes, sleeping with his
little friends, and using the critters for his own reprisals. What gives him
the right? Interesting Seminole reflections don’t have time to blossom either
thanks to the obligatory biting the villain on the butt sequence. Enemy Alex
Rocco (The Godfather) has some icky
incestuous dialogue as well, but these shenanigans away from Stanley’s vengeance feel somewhat pointless.
Lullaby music for baby snakes and snake funerals are also a bit too bemusing
and confuse the tone of the picture. Is this serious about reptile abuses or is
it meant to be hokey? Knowing that the snakes themselves were most likely
mistreated during production of the film kind of mars any environmental
statements to be had. The burlesque shows onscreen are weak and the pace is
more run of the mill revenge action than horror, but there are some original,
fun moments here with plenty of snaky bits to make your skin crawl.
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