It's A Living Season 5

 

It's A Living Seasons 5 is a Mixed Bag

by Kristin Battestella

By 1987, It's A Living and its Above the Top high rise waitresses are in full syndication swing for Year Five – the series' longest season at twenty-six episodes. Ironically, the second episode “Her Back to the Future” should have been the Season Five premiere, showing how outlandish It's A Living can get with hostess Nancy Beebe (Marion Mercer) dreaming what everything would be like in ten years. Lyle Waggoner (The Carol Burnett Show) guests amid Chippendales, an impeached president Ed Asner, and a few maracas as the waitresses bring down the house. I almost wish It's A Living was always this zany with one plot giving everyone a moment to shine. Even the distorted, dreamy focus, spotlights, jump editing, and music changes provide an extra comedy panache.

Certainly “Sweet Charity” recalls The Golden Girls' “Henny Penny – Straight, No Chaser” as wannabe actress Dot Higgins' (Gail Edwards) children's theater gets sick so our waitresses act out Little Red Riding Hood. Both episodes were written by producer Tom Whedon and half the time is wasted in setting the scene, however this is a rare episode away from the hotel restaurant. Nancy is said to be in her dressing room baying at the moon to prepare playing the big bad wolf, and the costumes, nerves, cardboard stage design, and silly song and dance are so stupid, it's fun when it all goes humorously wrong. By contrast, there's a touch of antagonism and conflicts that would actually happen between coworkers in “Search and Strike” thanks to vengeful miscommunications and invasion of privacy protests when the staff's lockers are searched. When nothing but a cheap tawdry novel is found on naive Amy's (Crystal Bernard) shelf, the waitresses decide to forge a diary from chef Howard (Richard Stahl) for infatuated Nancy to find. Here It's A Living gets right to the point in not making it easy for our ladies. Likewise, “The One About The Tattooed Lady” provides cranky retirees, a funeral party bringing the urn to Above the Top, and Nancy wanting to impress a well to do cousin who it turns out ran away to join the circus. The ladies can't remember the late regular who has left them $5,000, and a lot of nothing is actually happening, but the one night at the restaurant hi-jinks provides lessons, mistaken farce, and twists with It's A Living firing on all cylinders. Dot still thinks being a waitress is temporary after nine years and gets another wannabe actress a job as a dishwasher in “Dot's Hope.” She thinks L.A. will eat up the green newbie, Nancy laughs at Dot's opinions, and Howard thinks a dishwasher is a man's job and overcompensates by being super nice even when Hope makes mistakes. Dot doesn't get the part on a big sitcom but Hope does, and It's A Living posits on the conflict, jealousy, and if being a waitress is the career and it's the dreams that become the hobby on the side.

Unfortunately, It's A Living relies on far too many marriage themed episodes as if there were no other sitcom subjects. Even piano player Sonny Mann (Paul Kreppel) is at the altar in the “Till Death Do Us Part” premiere. No one expects the nuptials to actually happen, and the more mature secondary plot of Howard wearing a toupee to impress his high school girlfriend takes a backseat, setting Year Five off on the wrong tone. Dot realizes her baby clock is ticking in “The Date Show,” but her looking at baby books and making a list of potential fathers is resolved in two scenes. The seriousness of her actually having a pregnancy scare could have been poignant, but once again It's A Living crowds an entry with too many plots that deserved more attention. It's A Living often plays solely for the punchline, and it can be frustrating to watch when so many great events, ideas, and situations are merely said for something to say rather than actually shown. Is It's A Living merely meant to be about that ensemble dialogue producing canned laughter or is it just poor writing that never delves into deeper characterizations? I like the ladies and want to see their ups and downs in and out of the restaurant, but It's A Living gets tiring when the episodes do nothing but talk about things that don't happen. Do I expect too much of the show now compared to the casual catch an episode charm of it then? The performances carry the series, but viewing critically shows how little the ensemble is actually given to do, and Season Five lags mid-season with nonstarter stories, and entwined A and B plots over-reliant on too many visiting relatives come too many episodes in a row late in the season. Sonny shooting a music video overtakes Ginger's visiting Nana in “Ginger's Grandmother Show,” so we don't see the three's a crowd scenarios with Ginger telling her she can't drive and roommate Amy bonding with Nana. The music video itself is also embarrassing and not what I had in mind when I asked for It's A Living to embrace it's song and dance opportunities. Why couldn't a real guest musician rent Above the Top for a shoot? Campaign volunteer Ginger is caught by the newspaper on the lap of a politician but Sonny ditching a one night stand is the priority of “Ginger and the Senator.” Although the resulting conflict between all four ladies is great, everything is resolved because time is up, and a few episodes focusing mostly on one plot without shoehorned in Sonny moments are a marked difference. Dot singing on an adopt-a-pet telethon also waits while Sonny uses saving a choking patron to score in “Healings, Nothing More Than Healings,” but her rehearsal beside the piano shames Sonny and even impresses Nancy. It's A Living seems okay with never letting characters progress, preferring to be syndication ready with no need to see anything before to tune in, and the penultimate filler clip show “The Waiting Game” provides uneven musical highlights for some and mere quips for others. The framing device of a journalist interviewing the waitress about the pros and cons of the job could have been very interesting, for none of the ladies think of waitressing as their primary career. It's A Living has no clips to show when the interviewer asks the women if living together and working together is a conflict or reinforces their relationships, and the staff losing their hotel parking privileges in the season finale is played for stereotypes rather than labor commentary. They protest the problems women face with street parking in the wee hours, but managements puts a television in the lounge as compensation – because the point of the episode is the ladies becoming obsessed with the latest juicy miniseries, not anybody standing up for themselves.

Top billed Barrie Youngfellow's Jan Hoffmeyer Gray has spent five years in law school but quotes legalese she said she heard on Simon & Simon and now knits in the lounge instead of studying. We never see her home life, but Jan supposedly tells her husband Richie about what happens at work and they laugh about it when not arguing over the double standard between her daughter not being allowed to see Madonna while his son is free to go to The Beastie Boys concert. Jan takes piano lessons with her step son, wanting to bond with him and teach him some culture and disciple, yet It's A Living doesn't think that is an important enough plot to show. Her daughter Ellen is now fourteen and dating an older boy in “No, My Darling Daughter,” but again it's all more told rather than seen and mostly about everyone except Jan. She talks about writing up a will with Richie, and Richard Kline actually appears in “Take Back Your Mink,” coming into a big project and splurging on the titular frock for Jan. The girls fawn over it in great ensemble moments properly interwoven not crowding each other, for It's A Living is best when focusing on its down on their luck waitresses and their economic dilemmas. Richie's project falls through amid a hotel blood drive gone awry, and Jan must figure out where they can cut costs – including returning the coat. It's A Living doesn't forget Jan's dad dated Dot's mom when he visits again in “Daddy's Little Girl,” but Jan invites her mom Georgann Johnson (Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman) to dine with dad, who has actually married again to a younger woman. The awkward, passive aggressive zingers and family surprises earn most of the episode's focus, and even Jan faints. Dot suggests Jan wear a wig to spice up her marriage in “Tune In, Tune Out,” but Jan's upset, even jealous of herself when Richie prefers the wig. The delicious relationship dilemma is crammed into an episode also featuring a labor dispute when both deserved their own slots, not to mention it's all odd because Richie calls Jan 'Red' and this episode is strangely placed as the finale after It's A Living's requisite clip show. Nancy Beebe confides in Jan and almost considers her a friend but refuses to hug her. Marian Mercer's severe hostess kisses up to a hotel stockholder's daughter for her wedding, and the waitresses are suspicious when Nancy is nice. She freely lends Richard Stahl's chef Howard the $900 he owes the loan shark, but of course, the money is said to be under her pillow. Howard has three talents – cooking, magic, and bowling – but he doesn't want Nancy to change him and admits he feels smothered by her advances. Nancy tells Howard he can knock on her door, and their relationship finally matures from sexual harassment to a mutual goodnight kiss. The next day regrets and workplace awkwardness could have continued for multiple episodes as they agree to continue dating, however out of order production and erroneous episode airings play up, reset, or erase their romance. He's not ready to commit and dates others, but guest singer Jack Jones commands the restaurant crowd, puts Sonny to shame, and whisks Nancy to Vegas in “The Vegas Show” two-parter. This probably didn't need to be an hour, yet multiple storylines are fulfilled regarding maneater double standards and mid-life fears, making the case that ongoing arc stories would have better served It's A Living, but that was never going to happen in 1987. Howard flies to Vegas to defend Nancy's honor and asks her to marry him in an excellent moment that ends up rushed alongside other plots before a five minute wedding with an Elvis impersonator. A few scenes per episode in the kitchen provide hear tell of a $465 checkbook mistake because Howard is still renting his old apartment, but their marriage is said to be a balancing act with Nancy going to his Chuck Norris marathon and Howard telling her to behave while at Above the Top.

Crystal Bernard's virginal Amy Tompkins wants five kids and a dog with the white picket fence, but she's shocked when researching her family tree reveals her grandmother was a madam. It's more an aside than a major plot, and It's A Living keeps the character naive with pink bows and denim ruffles like one of the orphans on Jem. Customers roll their eyes at her Snyder, Texas a la St. Olaf stories, and Amy gets obsessed with a food processor until Ginger destroys it but sadly, we don't get to see any of their roommate struggles. The girls have nice heart to hearts about fears and rehabilitation when Amy's prison pen pal visits in “A Pen Pal for Your Thoughts,” however he's not handsome as written, just an old man who uses Amy to rob a liquor store off screen. Too many plots are unnecessarily squashed together while Bernard goes underutilized amid the preposterous pairing of Amy and Sonny's sleazy friend Louie in “The Amy and Louie Show.” Not only do we not get to see Howard buying a boxer (just like on The Golden Girls) and Nancy getting into the gym scene, Amy's awkward bowling date is ultimately about Sonny making Louie choose between them. Most of Gail Edwards' Dot Higgins' acting shenanigans are likewise off screen or a phone call rejection from her latest audition. She wants to be a star but can't afford a new $30,000 car unless she sleeps in it. Dot says she enjoys suppressing her personality to create another character and tries wearing a blonde wig – afterthoughts in the restaurant lounge when we should have seen an episode revolving around her dieting to the extreme for an anorexic role. Dot begins to feel grotesque at serving all the food she can't eat, but it's all a subplot resolved in a few scenes. When Dot lands a soap opera role in “The Killing of Sister Dot,” the episode is largely about Amy and Ginger arguing over planning a party and Howard's nomination for a chef award. Coming after several one plot episodes, this entry proves how the ABC plotting does not work for It's A Living. Dot's playing a nun killed in a tabernacle explosion before also playing her evil twin, but it's all talk rather than us laughing at the show within a shown. It's delightful when the girls play dress up and rehearse in the lounge, and this ludicrous soap could have been a great ongoing in joke. Likewise, “Strictly Personal” is about everything but Dot's posting in the personals column. She chooses against a millionaire with a yacht and instead ends up with the boy who runs Pecos Pete's Chow Wagon on The Golden Girls. Dot does get a decent newspaper boyfriend in “Everyone's a Critic,” but he has to review her new play when we, of course, don't get to see how enthusiastically bad her performance was.

Confident Sheryl Lee Ralph as Ginger St. James intends to run her own fashion business with style and efficiency and enjoys getting back at Nancy. Her steady Jason names his boat after her but she's too stylish to get wet and we don't get to see their sailing mishaps anyway. I'd like to have seen her waiting tables go awry when she gets some crazy sculpted nails and can't open her locker with them, but alas, most of Ginger's excitement is again off camera. She dresses up Amy and is unusually fearful when meeting Jason's parents – until they are glad to see her after roommate Amy is the one to answer the door. It's disappointing It's A Living doesn't maximize Ralph or the character; we don't even find out her name is actually Virginia until late in Year Five. Of course, Ginger rejects Jason's pushy proposal in “The No Guys Show,” but It's A Living forgot that her not being ready to get married also happened near the end of Season Four. Amy gossips to the other girls about Ginger and Jason's ups and downs, cheaply creating backhanded developments we never saw when Phil Morris' (Seinfeld) Jason should have been a recurring character. Instead, we see Ginger dumping him on the phone in the lounge before she calls to take him up again, and it's all a stagnant, unfair nothing burger despite most of the episode focusing on this story – an engagement that's also strung along through most of Season Six. Unfortunately, Paul Kreppel's piano gags as Sonny Mann also waste precious time It's A Living did not have. He butchers the national anthem, scabs when his union goes on strike, and is angry when a fat girl he expects to be easy isn't. Sonny takes an art class for the nude models and wants the girls to sign up so he can finger paint, and he's surprised when his sex book gets rejected by the publisher for his suggestion that a man should start a date with beer and knock out drops. WTF. Sonny thinks sleeping with Amy would make him feel better because his mother berates him in “The Sonny's Mother Show.” She's right that when he acts like a man, he will be treated like one, but rather than any lessons learned, we instead get a Sonny as a kid flashback featuring Dustin Diamond (Saved by the Bell). When a women's feminist group comes to Above the Top in “Twelve Angry Women,” Sonny deserves every insult they give him for his touch feely and inappropriate songs. They point out how the girls are overworked and underpaid and harassed in their uniforms, but this episode is about Sonny instead. It was enough to stall my re-watch mid-season, and just once I wish there was an episode without Sonny. I don't remember if he was so popular back then, but his antics are insufferable now and I can't fathom why so many plots revolve around him while the waitresses remain largely unexplored.

The swinging theme tune and ritzy opening credits once again set the It's A Living mood even if some episodes are too short at under twenty-one minutes with credits. The black and burgundy uniforms are classy now, but the teased hair in big banana clips rise to the height of eighties deliciousness amid colorful ruffles and high-waisted acid wash jeans. The wedding gowns, however, are hideous, and poor Nancy wears terrible draped gowns with baggy shirts, dropped waists, and giant belts. Late in the season she wears a green ensemble that looks more 1890s than 1980s, but the exaggerate sleeves and ruffled train are actually the best she's worn. The menswear bow tie frocks unfortunately look like cast offs from Dorothy Zbornak's closet. It's A Living borrows incidental music from The Golden Girls as well – they go to the same reused chapel set, and there are so many guests from The Golden Girls making appearances on It's A Living it's almost comical. Honestly, if you are a massive fan of The Golden Girls, it becomes almost impossible to separate re-watching the lesser seen It's A Living from it's beloved sister production. Currently, It's A Living finally has multiple seasons available on several FAST platforms. However, some of the episodes seem mislabeled or out of order, and either by oversight or a deliberate pull, the Season Five episode “Skin Deep” is not available. I started reviewing this series with a full length, episodic focus because I wanted to bring attention to a forgotten show I enjoyed. However, Year Five felt like a chore with few stand out episodes because the production's goal seems to be going through motions for syndication ease while yes of course The Golden Girls received all the attention. It's A Living had the potential to be as great – if their own writers would have paid attention to the ensemble storytelling.

Fearful Examinations 😱

 

Fearful Examinations!

by Kristin Battestella

This trio of retro psychological frights need not rely on today's special effects whooshes and in your face designs thanks to focused fears and chilling performances.

Dark Places – Deathbed vows and asylum doctors begat a creepy inherited estate and injuries at the manor in this 1973 haunt. Boarded windows, antique clutter, shabby interiors, and cobwebs add to supposed ghosts, figures in the window, slamming doors, and creaking footsteps. The power of suggest is strong, for suitcases full of cash are allegedly hidden in this house with a murderous past, and doctor Christopher Lee (Horror of Dracula) doesn't want anyone else to beat him to the punch. His alluring sister Joan Collins (Dynasty) offers to be the housekeeper for new heir Robert Hardy (All Creatures Great and Small), too, despite crank calls, broken dolls, falling pictures, and village talk of the bodies never being found. The playroom is layered with thick dust and violent shambles, and the lights going off for total darkness onscreen is simple yet effective. Rather than attempting to pull the wool over the audience, our rivals admit upfront that they are using the disturbing history to scare our new tenant away from the lost loot. However even they get scared by the objects they aren't moving and the bumps in the night they didn't cause – making for a tense little housewarming party with brandy, cigarettes, and stiff upper lip deceptions. Edward shouts at the giggling children's echoes that this is his house now, but his motive is also not pure as he spends the spooky nights knocking on wall panels in search of the missing money. Violent drywall bashing leads to bats sweeping in from the chimney in a well-filmed frenzy while choice zooms accent brief what you thought you saw shocks. Rather than superfluous scares wasting half the movie, the small cast and several key rooms anchor the tension and claustrophobia. Flashbacks to the domineering deceased and his vows to punish his children for their twisted games provide questions on psychic sensitivity, mental instability, possession, or delusion. Pointing fingers distrust, contesting wills, and suggestive siblings collide with ghostly footprints, a supple governess, and a nonchalant pick ax. The visions and supernatural influences even continue outside the house with echoes and slow motion, and we only see the evil children's demented smiles in the finale as the delirium, arguments, anguish, and consequences escalate. Past and present dalliances collide with gunshots, screams, and strangulation. Although I wish there was more of meddling Doctor Lee claiming he is there to help the distressed and the mystery is fairly straightforward for well versed viewers, the deranged performances make for a taut edge. This doesn't go all out with the extremes like today, yet a little lust and plenty of greed go to the scary depths thanks to intimate violence, assorted weapons, and skeleton surprises.

Fright – Miniskirts, Winnebagos, eerie ballads, and a spooky walk through the woods lead perky babysitter Susan George (Straw Dogs) to her charge in this 1971 examination. Nervous new in town mother Honor Blackman (Goldfinger) bolts all the doors, and through the banister or crib rails camera angles and mirrored framing invoke the cluttered, claustrophobic, trapped feeling. The antique laden manor, stained glass, and winding staircase add period mood, and our family admits the home is creepy and musty, joking about the potential for ghosts and subtly setting the jumpy scene. Creaking doors, rattling plumbing, and parental asides wondering if our sitter suspects anything don't bother Amanda – she is learning child welfare psychology and isn't afraid to observe maladjusted case studies. Unfortunately for her, the dripping tap, unexplained noises, hanging laundry, and innocuous boredom escalate to power outages, footsteps, and faces at the window. Up close attention on her eyes and ears reflect her isolation as the baby is put to bed and her horny boyfriend comes calling. He thinks the manse could be the setting for a horror movie, but Amanda doesn't want him to scare her into his arms. Their flirtatious dialogue layers the mirror to nature parallels, for his scaring her is a result of his sexual frustration, which he says is her fault, but Amanda counters that such obsession is not love. The men further belittle the worried women – who are actually correct not irrational or panicking due to the murderous escapee knocking on the door. Screams and gore outside go unheard thanks to the scary movie on the television, and the black and white zombies contrast the colorful, swanky parents night out as the the killer is inadvertently let in and the phone lines are cut. The simmering peril is well paced with tense conversations, car accidents, and police wasting time while the terrorized babysitter is left to placate the psychotic. Ticking clocks, wanting to check in on the baby MacGuffins, and precious few locations within the house create suspense as intercut spins show the white lace, crying, innocent reality versus the dancing, willing woman delusion. Carnival style music mirrors his juvenile, lusty mental state before silence save for her hurried breathing and punctuating screams. Sirens, police standoffs, loudspeakers, and tear gas come too late while our culprit growls, descending into nonsensical shouts and crying like a child. Now the understandably hysterical women must take action against the violent insanity, and the uncomfortable to watch terror makes one wonder how they filmed such anguish. Although there have certainly been numerous babysitter in peril films since, this remains chilling thanks to the horror we don't see suggestions rather than today's everything at the screen, hollow superfluous.

Foreign Horror Bonus

Black Pit of Dr. M – Originally titled Misterios de Ultratumba, this 1959 black and white Mexican picture from director Fernando Mendez (El Vampiro) featuring Abel Salazar (The Witch's Mirror) has no English dub nor subtitles and my Spanish thinking cap is not what it used to be. The lookalike mad scientists, back from the dead doctors, afterlife secrets, seances, and zombies, however, probably don't make much sense even in the best linguistic circumstances! Fortunately, the cobwebs, abandoned gothic abodes, eerie period interiors, and atmospheric crescendos are everything I love about mid-century Mexican Horror Movies. Of course, I've no idea what the violent woman in the madhouse has to do with the doctor's demure daughter; but the coffins, torches, sinister mustaches, and disappearing men in capes match the primitive yet fittingly spooky smoke and mirrors special effects. Excellent gaslight, lanterns, and shadows provide cinematic depth as creepy scenes steeped in catolica mood and forbidden knowledge escalate to violent action, acid in the face, bandages, revolting reflections, gross disfigurements, and screams. Daylight moments at the churchyard remain draped in suspicion while inside out hacienda greenery and foggy courtyard designs capture the moonlit romance and urgente warning notes blown away in the spooky winds. Wispy visions of dancing ladies, white flowers, black veils, and the invisible hand pulling the patron saint from the ingenue's neck invoke effective light versus dark subversiveness. The doors between life and death should remain closed, but lighting over the gallows, hands reaching out from the grave, devilish violins, and turnabout knives let evil enter in with abductions and fiery fates. A three months later gap and short eighty minute runtime make one wonder if something isn't actually missing that would help this nonsensical story, and the lack of translation these days remains surprising. Nonetheless, the gothic tension, silver screen dimension, and midnight movie macabre deliciously prove that horror consequences are universal.

Legacy (1998)

 

What Went Wrong with Legacy

by Kristin Battestella

I never expected to see the blink and you missed it 1998 UPN series Legacy again! The 1880s Kentucky horse family scandalous was preposterous then, and it remains tough to re-watch with guest of the week plots once barely passable for sporadic weekly television now glaring binge viewing problematic. Legacy shoots itself in the foot with modern intrusions, weak characterizations, and fly by night storytelling – rushing itself right off the air at only eighteen episodes.

Rather than period piece Americana wholesome like Little House on the Prairie or Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman; cool music, hip horse racing, sassy daughters, and pretty sons immediately set Legacy's erroneous attempt at style over substance in a very busy pilot with broken engagements, attempted steamy, and supposed interracial romance. Cutthroat racing rivals, leg breaking riding risks, pickpocket accusations, fires in the barn, and a little girl in peril deserving their own episodes instead happen in one scene each because every episode has to have a slow motion dressage event. Do gooder patriarch Brett Cullen (Falcon Crest) expects his farm to be the best yet his entire family are apparently embarrassing misfits with blighted crops, ranch rebuilds, and admonishing sibling rivalries resetting per hour. The rebel daughter contemplating art school and rejecting her debutante debut one day is teaching etiquette and protocol the next while the illiterate learning to read is mentioned twice amid gambling lessons that aren't learned between repeated horse scams. Legacy's lack of writing cohesion is a fascinating mix of disjointed filler, nothing burgers, and everything thrown at the screen. Bad investments and ill advised farm loans made so dire every week leave viewers wondering how the post-war Logan family has survived this long.

Debates with an estranged spinster aunt wishing to have the daughters educated in Boston are resolved immediately when Legacy could have used such meddling all season. Notions of those well to do Boston in-laws looking down on Kentucky horse breeders before and after the Civil War are never brought up again as Legacy burns through storylines with all forgiven quickness and going through the motions exposition. The loser in the back and forth elections is still somehow made a political deputy with an office where he solves people's farm problems a few times, and dad Ned is in a coma for a very special episode with Meatloaf music video flashbacks of his late wife. Not even a guest spot from Melissa Leo (Homicide: Life on the Street) can slow down the rapid fire dilemmas amid new hire housekeeper mistakes, riding lessons, school sessions, colts in training, and petitions for women to enter the all male jockey club. If you've seen one episode of Legacy, you've seen them all, and the poorly written double talk dialogue feigning sophistication, shirtless washing montages, and interracial love triangles so chaste they can't possibly be scandalous are terribly banal to binge today.

Legacy's lookalike, generic ensemble is glaringly superficial – brimming with chiseled chins, furrowed brows, squinting scowls, and pursed lips. Should be the star Cullen yells at the kids in contrived conflicts as high and mighty Ned chastises anyone who isn't. Hot head son Jeremy Garrett (Sweet Valley High) circles the drain in repeated horse strife and Grayson McCouch (As the World Turns) as eldest Sean fails at every business venture. Any awkward tomboy in a corset start for older daughter Lea Moreno (DAG) is dropped for multiple romances, and her kissing the adopted bad boy Ron Melendez (Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest) is weird even if he isn't really her brother. Precocious youngest Sarah Rayne (Quest for Camelot) talks back far too much, and their mother dying in her childbirth is mentioned constantly like it's character development. Ten year old Lexi's mature horse exposition implies the character was intended to be an older tween, and Legacy's characters are perpetually underwritten with no growth, only stereotypes and faux sophistication. Instead of focusing on potential familial pairings like our dad teaching the adoptee to ride or sisters working together, Legacy relies on the rival boys with chips on their shoulders having blonde babes dalliances. The wealthy neighbor/his whiskey corrupt son/nasty farm manager caricatures vary as needed in an unnecessary revolving door of villains. Hammy carpet bagger-styled Lane Smith (My Cousin Vinny) disappears early, yet Lisa Sheridan (Invasion) is strung along all season with nothing to do but switch between brothers.

Sadly, recurring Steven Williams (21 Jump Street) as former slave Isaac is reduced to the Magical Negro trope – providing evidence or advice as needed with the safest, precious few mentions of his time during the Civil War with Ned. Sharon Leal (Boston Public) as Isaac's daughter Marita is likewise the sage listener to our poor little rich white girls' problems when not waiting with longing, pick me glances at the forbidden white son. A late episode finally gives these Black characters a separate storyline when a respectable Black lawyer woos Marita, yet somehow it's all about Sean – who got his kicks elsewhere all season despite professing Marita his undying love – being a jealous jerk in a drunk driving carriage accident! He says she is the only one he can talk to while she has to silently take the whispers of this barely there courtship ruining her reputation. Legacy probably had too many characters, and if a Black family's experiences in post-war Kentucky were not only not going to be treated equally with the titular family and are in fact never going to be addressed, then they shouldn't have been token shoehorned into a show that today is totally tone deaf.

Although the horses are always pretty, the slow motion racing montages featured almost every episode are heavy handed and over-edited with cutaways, up close hoof beats, and rearing making for poor, cut corners action. The bustles, bonnets, and costumes are Victorian basic, no one really looks like they belong in the nineteenth century, and the ladies hairstyles are far too modern. The masquerade ball in Legacy's hanging finale is also laughable with contemporary Halloween expensive medieval costumes perfect with their 1880s quickness. This is also the first time I've used FreeVee's skip credits option, tiring of the shirtless shots and a billing order that makes little sense compared to the familial relationships and actual screen time in the forty-five minute episodes. Modern pace and slang likewise take over in jarring conversations where no one has the same put on generic Southern accent. The uncomfortable, fake, old speaketh gentility romanticizes their mighty plantations before the war; smooth talking thank you kind sirs wax on those who haven't been land owners for three generations as lesser Kentuckians. By time they have Black people singing negro spirituals at the end of the season, it feels like appropriation, and the overplayed, intrusive contemporary New Age Celtic music makes one wonder why Legacy wasn't just about a farm family in modern Ireland. “Spirited Jig” is the caption every time the music swells – be it for slow motion who burned the barn ominous, boys will be boys rowdy slow motion, or longing glances slow motion slow motion. Thanks to all the playing dress up contemporary styling and said unnecessary slow motion, Legacy looks and sounds like exactly how not to do a period drama.

Ironically, Legacy realizes that the family sticking together isn't as good a drama as the family divided in the second half of the season – dropping the lame teen steamy attempts and even most of the slow motion montages in favor of the older cast, killer widows, duels, and assault accusations. None of the kids have their own jobs and always run to dad for a loan, but Ned finally has something to do thanks to duplicitous women coming between father and sons and Gabrielle Fitzpatrick (Snowy River: The McGregor Saga) as a mysterious damsel in distress who looks like the late Mrs. Logan. Although the arguments, riding accidents, and deceit are still rushing toward the inevitably abrupt finale; schemers scheming together, doctored books, and foalings gone wrong make for what could have been potential. Rival horses enter the race, veterinarian conflicts arise, and sour tobacco company investments have consequences as the third to the last episode finally gets Legacy's tone right. Poison drinks, suspicion, blackmail saucy, and behind closed doors threats escalate once the ill-intentioned are in the house, and even the horses suffer amid rigged events, burned telegrams, and impostors. I don't think I bothered watching all of Legacy when it originally aired – if all the episodes were even shown. However, had the series hit the ground running with the intertwined heaviness of its last five episodes, Legacy may have survived another season. Instead, Legacy wasted most of its lone season on self-righteous plots, contemporary abs, contrived montages, and short sighted writing that understandably saw the series' cancellation.

Divisive 2020s Horror

 

Divisive 2020s Horror

by Kristin Battestella

This trio of recent scary movies caters to a specific contemporary viewer, and I'm late to the party in watching these horror movies that were not meant for me. This doesn't make them all terrible, just misrepresented and thus a split viewing experience.

Not Meant for My Age Group

Bodies Bodies Bodies – Interracial chicks necking, dominant declarations of love, cool music cues, and texting while driving to the hurricane party horrors open director Halina Reijn's (Instinct) 2022 satire from A24. Crisscrossing flirtations, warnings, nervous chitchat, and awkward facades pepper the poolside manor, matching robes, and champagne. Fake compliments, judgmental introductions, weird old dude Lee Pace (The Hobbit), and who didn't text their RSVP but shows up late anyway provide attitude. Supposed friends mock one for being sober amid the intoxicated revelry, and it's immediately apparent we would not like these people in real life. The drugged up dancing, videoing, and Pete Davidson (Saturday Night Live) punching people gets old fast, dragging the first half hour. Nobody really wants to be here, and this social circle doesn't actually seem like friends at all. Such oversharing frienemy exposure of personal details, sex, history, and relationships is part of the social commentary satire, certainly. However everyone is so unlikable that it interferes with enjoying the movie. A man declares “gaslighting” as an overused word while he yet gaslights, and the script lays on annoying bait words to make these insufferable people sound smarter than they are. Fortunately, things improve when they decide to play the titular game and actual deaths occur. Flashlights and point of view spotlights lead to the power going out for real, but the search for the generator or attempts to leave (while selfishly leaving those you claim to love behind) are abandoned because our hysterical chicks don't know what to do in an emergency. Red lights, neon glows, kitchen knives, thunder, and blood accent conflicts about Xanax, who's not respecting who's boundaries, or making everything about themselves. Arguments about whether a man they knew for a few weeks was a vet as in veteran or veterinarian also reveal how our lifelong friends don't really know or even like each other. Standoffs and backstabbing remove the ineffectual men early, and the old white rich demean the new Black wealthy as merely upper middle class. Everyone is a follower, feigning allegiance while claiming enabler triggers and para-social toxicity as the conversation goes round and round over who's lying, screwing behind who's back, in therapy, or rolling their eyes. It's no surprise when they snap, shoot each other, and insist the others made them do it before denying they fired at all. The realistic filming is well directed and not over edited with well done angles and attention to lighting schemes complimenting the confrontations. The cast does the emo seriousness well, but even at ninety-three minutes, the pointing fingers me me me round and round deflection becomes damn unbearable. Four credited writers seems like too many as the meta nuggets stray. The horror label is also misleading – this is a black comedy that isn't scary but rather a midnight chuckle you watch while you scroll through your phone.

This is a Comedy

Malignant – 1993 hospitals, electrical buzzing, and doctors resorting to the tranquilizer gun against bone cracking violence open this 2021 film that should have been clearly marketed as the parody it is. Edgy time wasting credits, overly ambitious music, and a silly script initially appear to be just another bad horror movie as we move to the present day with a stereotypical spooky old house, retro shabby style, too much fog, and an excessive nighttime blue gradient. Our pregnant nurse repeatedly sees blood from her head injury thanks to an abusive husband but does nothing about it. Shadow monster things attack before sirens, police, and two weeks later disjointed restarts take too long to tell what's happening. That may be part of the satire but it's too easy to tune out in the first half hour. There's noticeable attention to peephole visuals, sideways distortions, and overhead camera angles amid blenders that come on by themselves, boo crescendos, flickering street lamps, and dark figures that send our protagonist running through the house closing the curtains like that will stop all the horror. Cool cityscape transitions begat pointless Seattle Underground tour jokes about Nirvana – just in case that shot of the Space Needle wasn't enough. It's tough to tell what is an in scene bang or an ominous score boom, and more music cues come from a strategically placed old fashioned radio. The distorted killer voice and the monster's leaps are silly, and blood splatter hits the screen before morphing panoramic set spins and screams merge the point of view and crime scene. By this point it should be obvious that this is a deliberate parody as the psychic bond, sketch artist picture of a hairy monster, and trophy for surgery excellence turned murder weapon cannot be taken seriously. The angry Black woman cop, ditsy sister, and quirky, lovelorn coroner are typical female cliches on top of convenient photo evidence and easy deductions. It's not halfway thru the movie and the parasitic twist is as obvious as the Slivercup sign spoof. Not so hidden hidden jump drives and all in her head winks – it's a good thing her imaginary friend killer calls with what's what on mom, hypnosis, spooky flashbacks, and the home video scoop. Adoption secrets, abandoned hospitals, a man in the attic, and VHS a la found footage lead to preposterous fire escape leaps, a laughable puppet monster, medical inexplicable, nonsensical shootouts, and mental showdowns that ultimately wear too thin to sustain the lark. If you want straight, superior, self-aware horror stick with New Nightmare or Scream. However, it's bemusing that today's so-called prestige television shows are guilty of seriously presenting these exact same cliches, and Annabelle Wallis (The Tudors) sending up her previous bad horror movie roles ironically makes for one of her best performances. This would have been genius if it was labeled a comedy and came in under ninety minutes. Unfortunately, going into this expecting a decent horror movie puts it off on the wrong foot and the overlong playing at clever runs into the ground by repeating the repeated gags too many times. Honestly though, I can't believe anyone thought this was a real horror movie.

An Uneven Execution

No Exit – Familiar faces and diverse newcomers anchor this 2022 Hulu Original as phone calls from ill family and group therapy hogwash lead to escapes from rehab, a perilous blizzard, and a highway visitor center with no Wi-Fi for our stranded strangers. Hazardous white outs, whipping wipers, and blustery winds acerbate relapse temptations. However, dream fake outs and slow, redundant moments create unnecessary padding before we get to the discovery of a van in the parking lot with a bound victim in the back. Playing cards should be a great way to get to know everyone and suss out the kidnapper but time is again wasted on the rules of the game. Characters pointing out the bluffs denies viewers the chance to observe the poker faces and deduce clues regarding origins, military history, license plates, and destinations for ourselves. The suspect is also apparent, almost as if it's the audience that's being played, and the women's bathroom being under construction means there are tools that will obviously come in handy later. In the van close calls, food necessities, illness complications, footprints in the snow, and confiding in some but not others about what to do provide suspense. Unfortunately, adults sit inside and wonder if something is wrong as if this is taut, one location intense. Then others who never sit still roam outside without coats and fall down ravines to create unnecessary up a minute detours and stupid encounters because the script says so. The back and forth intercutting deflates any tension, and even the well lit interiors contrasting the tough to see dark snow scenes is harsh on the audience eye. This is based on a novel, and the left field twists and sudden flashbacks can be read but become entirely too convenient and poorly paced for a ninety minute horror movie. Past connections, financial revelations, Mace, cat-fishing, trafficking, gunshots, and nail guns get preposterous as the on and on mediocrity bends all logic. Bad guys with guns negotiate through a blockaded front rather than enter through the back construction exit? Cops don't radio the place is on fire upon arrival? Today this is a serviceable midwinter scary movie because viewers have been lulled into accepting the thrown at the screen flaws as entertaining, but the potential versus execution unravels here.

Goodbye Netflix and More Streamers

 

Getting Rid of Netflix and More Streamers

by Kristin Battestella

At the beginning of 2023, I took some Hot Takes on our Streaming Channels. Now, in another round of cost cutting and family viewing choice, we have finally said goodbye to Netflix and more thanks to rising prices and lack of content interest. Many households can't afford big streaming bucks anymore, and the saturated market makes it easy to bid adieu.

Going, Going, Gone

AMC + – This is a actually a decent service with potentially worthwhile programming across AMC, Shudder, IFC, BBC America, and Sundance. We pick it up every time there is an add on sale. However we always end up feeling guilty carrying it if we aren't actively watching or worse, forget about it and don't even notice when it expires. I also wonder how much their livestream channels on other free services eat into their subscriptions, for unless you are following their exclusives, this isn't an always must have streamer.

STARZ – Likewise, Starz is great as an add on sale for their back catalog of retro movies stemming from their Encore channels. Unfortunately, we don't watch much of their original programming – Dangerous Liaisons seemed decent but was canceled and disappeared. Rather than being an independent service, Starz seems to forget that they are best as a premium channel package licensing a lot of movies that aren't available elsewhere.

Disney + – Disney also shot itself in the foot by becoming its own service rather than partnering with an existing platform. We've seen everything vault we wanted to see. New Star Wars and Marvel shows don't appeal to us anymore. The price is getting higher despite the subscriber and content plateau. Even The Mouse realizes they over extended themselves by making series and sequels on in no exaggeration every IP ever, then canceled and disappeared many of them when no one watched. Disney should have made it's content a la carte Hubs on Hulu, and I'm sure there will be more shake ups between the two to come.

Paramount + with Showtime – Even with the lure of Star Trek originals, there's not enough for us to justify the rising costs here. Showtime alone was never worth the price, and their few horror exclusives aren't worth the extra pay point. For what should be a vast library of classic content, Paramount seems to have very little retro catalog material. Most of the shows they offer are available elsewhere – including the fellow CBS owned Pluto TV where Paramount+ is desperately advertising themselves nonstop. When we canceled, they did offer us two months free, but then I didn't even notice once it was gone.

FIOS Cable – We dropped most of our cable package years ago, but I completely forgot we didn't actually cut the cord because I don't know when I actually watched our cable last. It's a far cry from the decades of yore tying us to our television same bat time, same bat channel, yet streamers are trying to keep viewers via the same exclusivity. We were really only hanging on for local sports coverage, but the Flyers stunk last year and it was the first time I haven't watched them since they were only available on the radio in the eighties. Although I used to actively DVR shows and we'd need Max again for the TCM content, I've instead sought to sure up my physical media collection.

Netflix – After twenty years, we finally accepted there is no point in carrying the granddaddy of streaming as the price goes up and the quality of the content goes south. It feels like 95% originals I'm not watching pad their catalog – all meant to lookalike, autoplay, and chill. When there were only a handful of streamers, one could contently watch everything Netflix had to offer, but today it's impossible to keep up with everything thrown at the screen. I don't care about what is trending, most viewed, new, or popular, and retro content before the 1980s is all but nonexistent. With the DVD disc queue where one could find something unavailable elsewhere now a thing of the past, Netflix just doesn't have what we want to watch.

Keeping for Now

Prime Video – Amazon unfortunately has viewers over barrel. We won't get rid of Prime Video regardless of pricing or commercial changes because of other Prime and Amazon shopping benefits. We don't really watch any of their original content, and they already have their own ad bumpers before movies or between episodes despite the Prime commercial free claim compared to their FAST FreeVee. It's probably just a matter of time before there are no commercial free options altogether. Amazon's interface can be very frustrating and you really have to hunt for their quality content thanks to the clunky search options. However as a service it has enough catalog choices and add on options to keep us watching.

Britbox – We always have Britbox as a Prime add on subscription. We love the back catalog of British shows, and the price remains reasonably right. Having what we want to watch for the price of admission? Honestly, that's all we ask of a streamer.

Hulu – My husband watches Hulu original series and me their sitcom classics. We don't care about a lot of recent shows or reality crap and never used the ESPN option in our previous bundle, but we may return to the Hulu Live option in the future if those bum Flyers win some games. We like Hulu as a service with a quality catalog, some original perks, and customizable add on options. I only worry how Disney may run Hulu into the ground rather than realize they need this platform. There is more streaming content than consumers can ever watch, and sadly Hulu might not survive the ongoing industry upheavals.

FAST – The guilt of paying for services with exclusives we aren't watching mainly stems from our watching the free ad supported services like Tubi, Pluto TV, FreeVee, and YouTube more. Although, we are watching The Roku Channel less thanks to their absolutely obnoxious self promotion commercial loops. It's bothersome being peppered with all ads hard selling the streamer itself or it's premium parent, rather than you know, dish soap or laundry detergent. The random algorithm timed ads on FreeVee can cut in mid-sentence, too. Each interface certainly has its problems, and pop up ads now adorn the screen even when you pause. However for free catalog content with plenty of new movies and old shows to keep us entertained, we don't mind short commercials with timed notifications counting down onscreen – it's soft marketing and a chance for a bathroom break. Hot diggity.

Physical Media – What do I do when I can't find what I want streaming? I pop in the DVD or Blu-ray or even in desperation, the VHS. The continued giveth and taketh expansion and excess greed of streaming platforms are only going to drive consumers back to alternative viewing means and personal media ownership.

Contemporary Mothers in Horror

 

Contemporary Mothers in Horror

by Kristin Battestella

There's a difference between depicting scared mothers and daughters facing horror versus just showing the horrors to the audience. Two international tales here placing characterization above scary visuals make for effective familial scares. Unfortunately, the over-stylized American production is more interested in making viewers jump then telling the household horrors.

Matriarch – Creepy creeks and murky swamps begat the concrete city, jogging, and minuscule peaches for Jemima Rooper (Hex) in this 2022 Hulu Original. The first finite sound we hear is the bulimic bitter over the toilet before alcohol and the Monday morning business suit barely hides the drug fueled hookups and unstable drinking alone. A bloody nose, smeared lipstick, an overdose collapse, and black ooze encroaching into the mouth make for a fine mix of realistic consequences and a reaching out from beyond death chilling. Awkward phone calls from her “evil narcissistic bitch” mother Kate Dickie (Prometheus) remind each why they're estranged, and the villagers are frank about never having liked Laura when she returns to her mother's redecorated home. All things pink Mom is looking fancy, too, and their painful history comes out in the shattered tea cups, crushed pills in the pancakes, and recollections of how she called Laura a pig and threatened to tape her mouth shut. One on one conversations layer the character drama while eerie moonlit silhouettes, bruises, and black goo on the pillow and in the panties keep the horror simmering beneath the surface. Mom tells her to drink her water and watches her sleep before dragging the unconscious Laura out to the greenhouse. Rather than some shocking revelation withheld from the viewer, the fountain of youth suspicious is upfront thanks to whispering neighbors, effigies tied to trees, and a spooky book with weird sex symbols. The supple beauty that a woman sacrifices for an ungrateful daughter interferes with the village quid pro quo, and the drunken old minister – part of the lone biracial family going against the spooky happenings – argues with the obsessed townsfolk over these misused old ways. Who's dying, why cancer takes one but not another, and parents gone willing versus those taken too soon anchor the twofer debates. Our daughter wonders if spirits of the deceased still in the black bog revived her while her increasingly adamant mother tries to hit Laura on the head with a plant. The mother nature life, death, worms imagery and earlier, corrupted goddess worship are shrewdly withheld until the finale as smeared, dirty goo and gory rituals reveal how this mother's milk that goes against nature cannot last. Greedy charlatans in any religion are the same – poisoning the hymns, kneeling, and communion with nudity, suckling, flesh, blood, and “squelching” closed captions. Those expecting American horror cliches will be disappointed at this slow burn. However the realistic contemporary characterizations and well paced throwback British folk horror herein deserve more audience attention.

Surrogate – Making sure there are no monsters in the closet opens this 2022 Australian parable. Of course the fun uncle jumps out from under the bed, and it's the best genuine jump scare I've seen in a long time. Unfortunately, our single mother nurse Kestie Morassi (Wolf Creek) helps a freaky retching lady in the car park, and now Natalie's the one in pain, vomiting, and bleeding in bed. Her daughter has to do a video for school on her family tree – an interesting new way to introduce mom, uncle, grandma, dog, cat. There's no dad but the emergency stirrups and bloody gauze point to not just a recent pregnancy but a delivery and family services caseworker Jane Badler (V) wants to know what Natalie has done with the newborn. Rather than wasting time on gory labor horrors, the dialogue gets to what's what. Our nine year old daughter Rose wants to sleep in mom's bed because a girl keeps pinching her and the caseworker spots the bruises – adding real world complications amid the supernatural without any stereotypical ghostly roars coming at the camera. Cutting away rather than showing preposterous action adds to the mystery, and realistic conversations anchor the fears that something else is in the house as their dog is poisoned and someone pushes Rose down the stairs. They spend a few nights with grandma, but more pet perils and ladder mishaps lead to eerie, quiet scares and a tearful funeral where our daughter hides under the tablecloth because “she came with us.” A psychic little girl at the playground interacts with their now phantom, invisible dog. She uses mirrors to see a spirit's true nature, and the audience waits for something to appear as the camera pans across our innocent medium and her flanking reflections. Ava asks our ghost if she will be friends or hurt her and make her look where she shouldn't, and the in camera tension is palpable– no extra shaky shocks or special effects laden filming required. We as audience voyeur have no choice but to see the clinging reflection that makes them scream. Viewers are left to notice her increasing gray hair without any scary emphasizing moment, and we see Natalie watching the news video of a missing girl instead of the footage playing for us. It's creepy how she knocks on the real mother's door feigning car trouble and casually snoops around before being caught in another natural jump scare. Inquiries on if she's a true crime podcaster add horror self-awareness as the foolish investigation realistically fails. Natalie returns to the research, deducing and using her nurse connections – leading to the morgue, an abandoned house, the dark basement, and graffiti answers. Our caseworker says Natalie needs help, but she knows that child services aren't the ones to help her now. Whether it was a low budget necessity or an old school choice, the ghostly hand reaching out and leaving deadly little fingerprints is simple, scary, and effective compared to today's invisible whooshes and womp womp crescendos. Well done foreshadowing recalls where we started as creepy resolutions and warnings to never turn your back on your child escalate to the sacrifices mothers make for their daughters once they promise to never leave them. Several times I thought I had this figured, and it's refreshing that I didn't.

Skip It

Umma – Mom Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy) does the best she can in this 2022 supernatural tale with time wasting credits eating into the eighty-three minute runtime and disjointed montages showing the happy beekeeping, no electricity life on the farm. Flashes of past electrical torture have relegated old lamps and microwaves to the cellar, leaving only candles during the storms when something ghostly might be sitting in the chair. The nighttime blue saturation, however, is too difficult to see, even deliberately obtuse for the viewer. Rather than really meeting our family in conversation, the forced exposition is cryptic for the sake of it with confusing character motivations. Our clingy daughter is secretly inquiring about going away to college, and Mom has denied teaching her about their Korean heritage because of her claimed allergy to electronics. She's upset when a car approaches – we know because up close cuts to ominous objects and fist clenches hit the audience over the head. Her uncle has brought her recently deceased abusive mother's ashes, but the bumps in the night and past painful pleas were already there before the tainted effigies. The isolated house setting is almost immediately broken with redundant exposition as the handyman arrives to sell their honey online and our daughter rides her bike to his general store so they can again talk about honey and meet his visiting niece. Such outside points of view asking if she really thought her daughter was going to stay there forever are unnecessary, and voiceover echoes repeat dialogue we heard moments before – underestimating viewers while trying to distract us with eerie slow motion and ominous crescendos. We don't need more electrical torture flashes and echoes at every encounter, either. The titular apparitions are just fake outs for the audience, and the overemphasis on beekeeping, honey, and not even actually liking bees never factors into the horror. More incidental spooky vignettes happen just so our mother can tell her daughter nothing is wrong, yet she tells the white man handyman her suspicions while our daughter snoops anyway. It's impossible to tell what is actually part of the story or just a spooky effect, making for an extremely frustrating viewing. By time the daughter demands to be told, her mother just repeats everything the uncle said as if there is no story to the past abuse and her lying all this time. Our daughter turns on the electricity once she realizes her friend had a smartphone that never bothered her mother, but mom insists she doesn't believe in all their cultural robes, ceremonies, and superstitions yet reacts weirdly just as an excuse for more ghostly echoes and eerie zooms. I was ready to tune out in the first half hour and started fast forwarding over the invisible whooshes through the crops before the angry spirit is somehow easily quelled in the final fifteen minutes. The fears of growing old alone and becoming our parents and the strain of the solitary rural living would have been horror metaphors enough without anything ghostly at all. Unfortunately, this does a disservice to the intriguing Korean motifs because it's more interested in being a stereotypical scary movie.