Witches,
Writers, and Scary Clowns
by
Kristin Battestella
This
contemporary potluck provides unexpected horrors in unique places
thanks to scary witches, trapped writers, and killer clowns.
The Witch in the Window –
A distant dad and his withdrawn twelve year old son move into to a
New England fixer upper in this 2018 creepy billed as a Shudder
Original. Although there is a driving montage with a pee stop and
complaints about nature; the family arguments, hardware dialogue, and
real estate questions are more realistic than the oft seen teen
horror cliches. Mom dislikes the flipping gamble, dad's trying to
make up for past mistakes, and the kid who doesn't want to be there
has been in trouble for some shady internet exploring because he's
too big for his old action figures and frustrating Magic Eye hidden
pictures. The scenery and house are wonderful, however ominous
windows, a spooky basement, thumping within the walls, and no
neighbors for quarter of a mile provide mood - and the local terror
tales of our eponymous lady weren't disclosed in the sale. Brief,
disturbing glimpses of corpses and dead crows in the chimney acerbate
heart conditions as men and boys are admittedly freaked out over
eerie reflections in the mirror and warning voices about the house's
past. Filming within frames or windows are well done, and the
audience must pay attention to the solitude. We see apparitions the
protagonists do not, but the chills aren't in your face boo shock
crescendos for the viewer's benefit. Instead, the increasingly
crowded setting gets freakier by doing almost nothing at all while
crackling electricity and natural lighting make us speculate further
on what we see or don't see. The title tells the audience what's
coming, however, ghosts don't appear on the smartphone camera and
silence makes the ghoulish silhouettes all the more terrifying. What
are our boys to do when the house they intend to flip already has a
resident? Men talk over beers, debating if a haunted house can really
hurt them after sleepwalking, questionable phone calls, and deceiving
appearances. Can a bad home be made good again? Work progresses
during the day, for all are afraid to stay there at night when the
scary truths are revealed. Viewers shouldn't let our guard down as
eerie doubts on who's inside or out and real or illusion escalate to
disturbing contact and bargains to stay with the frights or abandon
the home. At only seventy-seven minutes, there's no excess fluff
necessary to tell these well-paced scary metaphors and surprisingly
heart warming horrors.
Writers Retreat – Novelists
face their fears in more ways than one at this 2015 island workshop
with high tide isolation and no internet or cell phones. Awkward book
signings, contract deadlines, angry agents, dead vermin, and highway
mishaps assure this meeting is off on the wrong foot for our
introverted strangers. There's one emergency landline, and the ice
breaker exercises, manuscript focus, and writing discussions are more
like therapy for this diverse group. Writers are weird by nature,
however some are more pretentious than others, rolling their eyes and
creating tension over what they consider hack manuscripts if the
wounded amateur is upset by their critique. Staring at the blank
laptop screen, long hand journaling, inspirational photography, and
subjects going off by themselves provide withdrawn writing routines
but the notebooks, clicking keys, and angelic, panning montages make
it seem like we're witnessing something mystical in action when
writing is a lot more complicated than that. Brief sentences read
aloud reveal much about these characters in need of validation, for a
few aren't even writing at all before sudden disappearances, red
herrings, and inside/outside, voyeuristic camera framing to match the
lurking men, misogynistic threats, and gory evidence. Private moments
away from the workshop make the viewer pay attention to the
individual prejudices, flirtations, preferences, drinking, history,
and self harm. Everyone has their issues, but is anyone willing to
kill for the 'write what you know' experience? Mysteries and relative
truths escalate into horror with hammers to the head, stabbings, and
rap tap tapping on the windows let in for some slicing and dicing.
Vomiting, blood, pointing fingers, and power outages accent the
writing angles and slasher styles as deliberate reveals, torture
instruments laid out in the kitchen, eyeballs on the platter, and a
glass of wine provide scene chewing villainy. Unfortunately, the
intriguing, sophisticated start does devolve in one fell swoop with
haphazard running around, dead body shocks, and knockouts or tie ups
that happen too easy. There's no one by one crafty kill or time for
our intelligent writers to piece the crimes together – or not
reveal what they know because that nugget would be a great piece for
their manuscript. Creative corkscrew uses, torture porn, and one on
one gruesome go on too long, unraveling with loud boo crescendos for
every hit, stab, and plunge making an injury seem so severe before
the victim inexplicably comes back for more. Although the final act
and the predictable bookends deserved more polish, this is worth the
late night look for both writers and horror fans.
You
Make the Call
The Clown at Midnight –
Teacher Margot Kidder (Black Christmas) and her drama
class clean up Christopher Plummer's (Somewhere in Time) abandoned theatre
in this 1999 Canadian horror cum unintentional comedy. Pagliacci
posters, candles, roses, and backstage juicy lead to ominous theatre
staircases, knocks on the star's dressing room door, and violent
shockers accented by opera. The murderous history, killer clowns,
vintage costumes, and grand stage scale create atmosphere, however
the death by Pagliacci is too on the nose Seinfeld
laughable
before restarting with typical teen exposition.
There are theatre nerds, gay drama queens, a black BFF, the bad boy
who drives a hearse, and the conscripted football star and his prom
queen serving the poor dialogue, terrible acting, and Scooby
Doo clichés.
Fortunately, rats, falling lighting, suspect relatives, and whispers
of ghosts accent Kidder's much needed sassy and Plummer's
underutilized suave. Viewers miss the adults when they're off screen
– we don't care about the kids sneaking beer and pizza behind the
teacher's back before deliberately trying to scare the emo daughter
of the theatre's famous victim. It's ridiculously convenient that her
school has received this grant to fix up the scene of the crime while
she's having inexplicable psychic visions and hysterical episodes.
This blending of the past and present would have been better if the
ensemble was just a little older or more defined – college
parapsychologists or a film crew rather than leaving the love
triangles, strangulations, axes, and beheadings amid the teen lame
jumping to conclusions just because the script says so. Naturally,
there are giveaways from the beginning that a killer clown is on the
loose, which takes away the ambiguity on top of bemusing clown
phobias and dream fake outs before cleaning montages and terrible
music. Rope mishaps, electricity sparks, and stage sword mishaps are
also ruined by a crappy sex scene that's spliced with the thrusts,
panting, and give it to me voiceover from a mock sword fight. It's
stupid enough to tune out then and there, yet the appeal of seeing
these teens get what they deserve is greater thanks to creepy
elevators, maze like stagings, trap doors, and spears. Rooftop scares
and freaky props don't have enough time to fully utilize the
atmosphere, and there's no real mystery like there should because the
dark comedy winking on the genre falls flat. Despite unique
potential, the fatal Pagliacci cues, terrible punchlines, and lack of
resolution underestimate the audience. There are better teen slashers
out there, and one has to be able to laugh at the low budget gore or
enjoy shouting at the television to forgive the obviousness here.
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