Classy Dames Do Fear 😱

 

Classy Dames Do Fear

By Kristin Battestella

These elegant ladies face mid-century murder, psychedelic mayhem, and medieval mysteries in this quartet of retro frights.

Cult of the Damned – Rich houses, antiques, elite splendor, and denial about one's father in the shower with another man and mother Jennifer Jones (Ruby Gentry) doing stag films open this 1969 AIP release also called Angel Angel Down We Go. The delusions escalate as daughter Holly Near (The Magical Garden of Stanley Sweetheart) feels fat and ugly compared to her not so perfect parents. Slit wrists intercut with guillotines, ironic music, and pop graffiti reflect our Angel's warped state of mind. Stage-like settings and twofer scenes reiterate the dysfunctional relationships mixing both oedipal and Electra favoritism, jealously, and violence. The top billed, soft focused Jones always has bare shoulders or sheer, glamorous frocks, pill popping yet graceful compared to her chaotic daughter, and her coming out party is really for them to show off how they have given her everything – save for the love and kindness she desires. They wonder who would want her save for her inheritance, but heady singers and tight leather pants lead to leopard print seduction, pillows, furs, and a goofy sex scene with Roddy McDowell (Planet of the Apes), singer Lou Rawls, and a pregnant girl dressed as pilgrim. Implied abuses, Angel's being taken advantage of brainwashing, kidnappings, and escalating gang violence are played humorously, and the parody of the times coming within those times gets lost in some of the put on groovy dialogue. Social commentaries on American Imperialism and palatial lifestyles collide with bloody pop art and fatal skydiving as the band moves in on our nasty parents. After all, making enough money through any means to buy class and erase who you were is an American rite of passage. Though certainly watchable thanks to the bizarre nonsensical; the random, joking style is not as shocking as it thinks it is. Colorful dancing and cool tunes with mean lyrics jar between solemn camera confessionals. The haze becomes boring and overlong thanks to the short lived highs and meaninglessness of it all. Such disturbia would have been better had the torment been played straight, but I don't really get a lot of the acid trip here – unless Angel died at the start and this was all just a final fever dream.

The Fourth Victim – Quaint English manors and swanky interiors lead to poolside perils, shady housekeepers, and handy death certificates in this international 1971 mystery. The body discovered is freshly clothed before phoning the authorities, and Scotland Yard is curious about pricey insurance policies, autopsies, and previously deceased wives with faulty brakes and suspect falls. Our nonchalant husband is unbothered by court inquiries thanks to the loyal housekeeper feigning tawdry melodramatics on the witness stand, and even the inspector admires him for getting rich off getting rid of three wives and now he can't be tried again. Carroll Baker (The Big Country), however, has been swimming in his pool. She claims to not read the papers nor care about his infamy, portraits of the deceased, or mementos in the attic. Her white bathing suit and neighborly carefree disrupts his strange, unfeeling calm, but her gothic home next door is dilapidated, spooky, and imposing to match the twists, eerie lookalikes, and ambiguous mysteries. More time is spent on the trial then their whirlwind wedding, but the bliss wears off fast thanks to his heavy handed accusations and her snooping. Now she wonders what he really did do to his last wife, yet their waxing on death and the courage to kill amid casual shopping trips and falling in love confessions show that our couple is actually a lot alike. Despite the emotional entanglements, fatal history, and institution connections; the characterizations are uneven with important players and pesky humor dropped. The overlong, stilted, askew male focus is dominated by unnecessary coming and going scenes with dated, over the top musical interludes. Thankfully, car chases and atmospheric flashbacks begat the unexpected in the final act as the maybe maybe not escalates with taut character interplay.

Sudden Fear – Frenetic notes contrast the sweeping melodic crescendos and Broadway billboards as successful playwright Joan Crawford (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?) marries struggling young actor Jack Palance (Dan Curtis' Dracula) in the 1952 noir thriller. Of course we know Palance is up to no good, and our all business Myra exercises the casting approval for her play. She doesn't think he has the power to make the women in the audience squirm, but they meet again on the train to San Francisco – playing poker, wining, dining, and lighting each other's cigarettes. Cross coverage angles, up close shots, and sitting side by side visuals parallel the coming together traveling as holding hands leads to dancing, romantic strolls through the Redwoods, and Golden Gate vistas. Bling, furs, frocks, chandeliers, and classic cars accent the wealthy home complete with a custom dictating machine, hidden microphones, and master switches to record all her play compositions. The declarations of love on the staircase, hilltop honeymoon, and white robes create a play within a play romance while mirrors reflect the change in control. Our concerned Lester doesn't want Myra racing down the perilous steps to the dock, however marshmallow Gloria Grahame (In A Lonely Place) is not what she seems thanks to secret meetings, blackmail, and long cons. Again visuals layer the silk pajamas and key to her apartment innuendo, but head over heels Myra redoes her will with Lester as beneficiary. The dictation playback forces us to pay attention as the Oscar nominated Crawford hears the pillow talk and duplicitous plotting – a crushing performance with tragic tears and crippling shock as the stuck needle repeats the threats. Everything has gone up a notch yet the betrayal remains personal with shattering breaks, looking over her shoulder hysteria, and double locking the doors. The echoes haunt Myra into the bedroom as she postulates what car accident or smothering might befall her. Now she has to be the actress, claiming a headache or too much champagne and refusing Lester's offered sleeping pill. Lying awake with the black and white shadows and ticking clocks escalates to forged signatures, break ins, and poison. Sophisticated tension rises with every cocktail, change of plans, and slight of hand amid scandalous stockings, falls down the stairs, and in camera attention to detail. The scheduled actions happen down to the minute with gunshots and kill or be killed overlays that don't underestimate the viewer. Intense zooms focus on the tormented faces while pearl watches keep time and white gloves hide all the secrets. Silence and phone ring rings are used to maximum advantage with beads of sweat, perilous close calls, and the fright of seeing one in the mirror holding a gun. Our desperate dame is out of her element in a no win situation. Bad people are supposed to get what they deserve and Myra must remain good despite chases, spotlights, lookalike ladies, and rear view mirrors culminating in noir perfection.

An Elizabeth Taylor Bonus

Doctor Faustus – Producer Richard Burton (The Robe) co-directs this 1968 play presentation based on the medieval Marlowe's pact with Lucifer, however the stifling script, flowery soliloquies, and dry over acting hamper the excellent bones, candles, cobwebs, and sixteenth century mood. Learned science is so close to superstition and alchemy, and our dissatisfied scholar resorts to Latin rituals, ominous tomes, maggots, and necromancy. Red cloaks, orange firelight, purple sorcery, blue catacombs, green stones, and black wings invoke the hellish historical meets silent Expressionism. Zooms, in and out of focus mirages, and tense camerawork highlight moving statues and magical skulls speaking back to Faustus as he boasts of his bargains with the devil, undeterred in signing in blood thanks to his youthful transformation. Unfortunately, Burton does his best Orson Welles self-indulgence here, paralleling the tale by biting off more than he can chew when not imaging the supple Elizabeth Taylor (Cleopatra) as Helen of Troy for his perfect, silent woman. The thee thou bloated text and Burton talking to himself voiceovers are unnecessarily scholarly compared to the cinematic, medieval visuals – making the piece seem much longer and more complicated than it is. There is no sounding board character and the language should have been trimmed, for it's not the Oxford University's Acting Company's provocative questions but Burton's over the top windblown me me me that's tepid and detached. Actor turned professor Andreas Teuber as Mephistopheles is far more haunting as the tormented fallen pained at losing eternal bliss, for hell is limitless with no boundaries to its sins. Slow motion, back flipping nymphs and imagined battlefield glory are a little long, however it's fitting that Faustus doesn't realize he is a mere, foolish, mortal man. The hedonistic kaleidoscope parade of lechery provides surreal haze without being trashy, and Burton's best poetry and passion come in the embraces with Taylor. He debates the emperor over his conjuring, mocks the court, and scoffs at the pope as humor and sing songs turn into freaky hoods, screams, and damnation. Who is Faustus to argue with evil? No matter how many times he stops to ogle Taylor's dripping allure, Faustus ends up looking upon himself in the grave, ultimately getting the celestial comeuppance he deserves. The redemption versus selling one's soul parables make for fine horror, deception, and choices – not to mention Elizabeth Taylor in sensual gold lipstick and glowing silver body paint.

Recent Female Helmed Horror

 

Recent Female Helmed Horror

by Kristin Battestella

This trio of pandemic era horror releases is led by female directors – each with an interesting perspective on the love, blood, and gore of the genre.

Fresh – Every female viewer will be hooked in the first five minutes of this Mimi Cave 2022 directorial debut thanks to a crappy date complaining about spicy food, talking down to the waitress, wishing women dressed nicer, expecting her to pay, not holding the door, and calling Daisy Edgar-Jones (Under the Banner of Heaven) a stuck up bitch. Phone chimes, swipe left apps, and unsolicited dick pics add to our innate fears of a woman walking alone at night, keys ready, looking over her shoulder. Snacking on carrots leads to a puffy coat and goofy sneakers for a solo grocery run, but Sebastian Stan (We Have Always Lived in the Castle) is flirting in the produce section with awkward ice breakers and demands she taste the grapes. Noa didn't think people met in real life anymore but she's excited when he texts for drinks, and the exposition is for them as much as us with his plastic surgeon jokes and her hatred of all the dating pressure and projections. Up close smiles and blurred laughter overlays visually reflect the blissful time before kisses, red lighting, and a well filmed consensual that's risque without being for the male gaze. Multiple mirrors reflect the pretenses, dual facades, or who we really are revelations as the red flags get lost in the whirlwind excitement. He's not on social media yet takes pictures of her and is ready to go away for a weekend together, but viewers notice the real world warnings beyond the horror movie. No cell service, leathery artwork, drinks,and red furniture lead to a fuzzy point of view, camera distortions, slurring audio, and drugged movements just before the credits appear a half hour into the film. It's shrewd they arrive once the premise is revealed, but it's odd to disrupt the momentum as Noa awakens chained and pleading while her captor is calm and upfront: he will keep her alive and sell her meat because he's still a nice guy, but if she loses his trust, there will be consequences. Arena rock and singing along while dicing up a leg provide demented humor amid the surgical violence, epidurals, and invasive carvings. Fifties-esque pink dresses and ironic eighties dances punctuate the captive delirium, disgust, and duplicitous layers that don't underestimate the audience. Meat presses, packing the ladies' photos, and shipping the meal plans to his exclusive clientele are all in a day's work. Chainsawing the ribs, meat grinders, jerky, and limbs suggest succulence instead of gore, however the carnivorous flashes and creepy deliveries should be the only point of view breaks and the “wistful music playing” cues for every scene transition are also unnecessary. Hectic chases and a somewhat unfinished end feel a little too long, but cowards and man meat get a taste of their own medicine. Though perhaps tough to stomach more than once, there are numerous visual references of eating with the left hand, mark of the beast dinnerware, and gory bites at $30k a plate. Women must still worry about their body, looks, and beauty to go along with the crazy men and free themselves. Tagged and labeled freezer bags create a system of ritual feast that rich white men get away with while the women are chewed up and spit out – literally.

Rose: A Love Story – A secluded couple has everything they need off the grid in this 2020 horror romance from director Jennifer Sheridan (The Snow Spider) – generators, water jugs, extra locks on the door, wind chimes alarms, and typewriters for low tech, low light living. Hunting and animal traps are a necessity with rabbits and deer a plenty in the snowy forest, but mail order leeches and a cut through the glove leave our Mrs. sickly and pale. Writer's block, semantics, and miscommunication hamper their affections, for she doesn't want him to police her and keep track but they both have to stick to the rules, keep their home secure, and take no risks. Fine lighting, UV colors, lanterns, candlelight, and shadows accent the humble, cluttered cabin while the laid back pacing matches the routine, if ominous lifestyle. They try to make saucy time, but she's afraid he'll think her gross, and the realistic relationship and honest characterizations are firmly established. Faulty electricity and sounds of a struggle in the dark mean only blood can calm her, but our husband is committed to his growling wife's care despite debates on who is unhappy or giving up on life. There is no elaborate explanation about how this happened, but arranged roadside contacts for supplies gone awry necessitate a paranoid drive into town and the rush to return home. Date night is a walk outside so long as she wears her mask, and seemingly innocuous classical music montages and reading her writing aloud foreshadow their precarious pretense. Screams in the night lead to an injured woman caught in one of their animal traps, disrupting their careful situation with bone settings, bloody clean ups, and threats to tell the police if they force the injured runaway to go back home. She becomes like a child between the couple as well as an audience anchor – doing tasks with each, gardening, and asking why they live like this. The getting away from the bustle, self sustaining model, skin issues, and sunlight troubles are crafty excuses, too, but we know there is something worse at the source. It's best to go into this cold and I don't want to give everything away, however this is not for viewers looking for full on, in your face horror. Not much happens, but the slow pace maintains the taut focus and doesn't overstay its welcome. The underlying horror, angry answers, bloody bites, and tragic violence are worth seeing to the end here.

I Wanted to Like It but...

Carmilla – Period frocks, lovely landscapes, slow still lifes, and rippling waters reflect the repressed monotony of this 2019 Le Fanu inspired British piece from writer and director Emily Harris (Borges and I). Candlelight, nibs, and no exterior views of the manor provide a claustrophobic, congested attention to detail as the sense of restless boredom grows for our budding teenager who's still treated like a child by her governess, struck with a ruler, and forced to bind her preferred left hand. She is punished for secretly reading anatomy books and left to peer around the corner as the adults talk or come and go freely while she's supposed to be practicing her elocution. Moss and greenery contrast the cold interiors amid conversations about nature and dead animals, however far too much time is spent on artistic insect shots, yearning out the window up close angles, and more crawling bugs arty awe. Such scenes and any brief point of view breaks are unnecessary once we are within the lonely character. Fortunately, thunderstorms and a carriage crash bring the unexpected titular guest who stays to recuperate. The firelight glow accents Carmilla's eerie appearance and feline eyes as the nights become bold with red hair down, loose white shifts, and bloody dreams. The girls laugh, run, hold their breath, and climb trees while the stifled governess rings the tea bell and sits alone, rigid and scraping her toast. The cross above Carmilla's bed is found on the floor, and macabre dreams escalate with disemboweling gore, gurgling kisses, smeared lips, and promises to become blood sisters. Is our ingenue sick from the blood exchange or just distraught at being separated from Carmilla after being caught bumping corsets and forced to pray? The young cast does quite well, but the brief kisses could come across as modern lez be friends baiting since neither the romance nor the vampire symbolism ever fully culminate. The slow unknown may be meant to mirror the period look, don't touch admire from afar beauty of women keeping themselves unexplored. Unfortunately, the intriguing phobias and finger pointing statements unravel in the ambiguous, arty commentary by time our jealous governess jumps to conclusions and persecutes Carmilla. Once again, the troubles may stem from a one and the same writer and director that went for something existential rather than making the vampirism clear. This is lovely for period piece fans and those looking for a unique gothic romance or lesbian drama, but the tragic relationship versus vampire blood could have been much more.

Hot Takes on Streaming Channels

 

Hot Takes on Streaming Channels 

by Kristin Battestella

Thanks to end of the year holiday sales, $1 or two for a month or two packages, and add on options; our house currently has a lot of streaming choices! We dropped a few and some have been disappointing, so here are my hot takes on which streaming services work – or didn't work – for us. I mean, who can keep up with all the content much less afford everything?

Always Have 'em for Better or Worse

Netflix – Reasonably I know not all of Netflix's content is originals, but at first glance, it always seems like they have nothing but originals. It's a far cry from Netflix being the original go-to place for catalog content. Other family members burn through their quantity over quality similar shows, but I am still working from a Netflix DVD queue. It's becoming slower and slower with a lot of discs saved, damaged, and not available, but sometimes it is my last resource for finding older movies.

Prime – Amazon's interface is still a pain, with free with ads FreeVee and rent or buy releases pushed to the forefront. Even their originals seem buried and unpromoted, yet at the end of the month, there is a pressuring countdown telling you the hours and minutes you have until a show expires. We seem to use Prime the most for add ons, and I end up watching more things on FreeVee since searching through Prime for what I want to see ends up eating into all the time I could have been watching something.

Hulu – Hulu seems great for current reality programming or next day airings of new network shows. That may be changing as more networks take back their own content, and I have to keep thumbing down all that reality stuff I don't want to see. We've used Hulu for different add ons as well, as HBO inside Hulu was useful when HBO Max kept crashing, and last year we had a Hulu Live package for local sports. The family has watched a lot of their original shows, but we don't really get much out of the ESPN+ option that comes with Hulu.

Britbox – Currently included with Prime, I love to hang on to Britbox for a lot of classic British shows. I don't watch as much of their current programming, but the vintage comforts are a must. It is frustrating, however, when there is a new British show I do want to see that does not come to BritBox US, forcing us to add another platform.

These Could be Worth the Money

AMC + - Shudder, IFC, and Sundance come with the AMC package, providing great horror originals, odd indies, and retro comedy. It's odd to have so many loud commercials on their livestreams – especially when there are AMC showcase channels and marathon livestreams available on The Roku Channel. I've also done been over Walking Dead content forever. However, with a hefty back catalog and if you are invested in their shows or recent Anne Rice originals, this could be worth the bang for the buck. We tend to carry it for awhile, then drop it when we aren't actively using it, but then pick it up again during a sale.

STARZ – We have had STARZ both as Hulu and Prime add ons as deals come and go, but this streamer really benefits from the Encore channels included in their package thanks to great older films and retro content. I really like their livestreams and being able to just click and have a fun movie on in the background. I don't watch a lot of their original programming, so we're not adding on to expressly see their content, but the movie catalog often keeps its worth.

Disney + – My family members eat up all things Marvel and The House of Mouse, but the new stuff really does not interest me. I have my usual classic comfort movies and comedies in my list, but I often forget Disney is where they are. Occasionally we will drop Disney for a little while, but then something someone wants to see brings us back, which obviously is their M.O. with the constant new release Marvel and Star Wars shows. There will always be a certain audience here no matter how stagnant the rest of their programming.

Acorn TV – We recently had then dropped this BritBox competitor that offers more UK and Australian content. I like their documentaries and educational shows, but rather than wait for Down Under TV I want to see like Jack Irish stream here, I just buy the DVDs. I feel like this is the type of service to get when you expressly want enough of their exclusive programs to make it worthwhile.

Apple TV – Likewise recently canceled, my husband watched all the shows he wanted to watch and now there is no reason to keep it until new seasons come around again. There are some great Apple programs, and I wanted to watch The Essex Serpent but never got around to it. However this interface is also very confusing to me, muddled together as both prestige TV and a content provider? Though now available on the Roku TVs, it was also very weird when we needed a separate Apple TV box with it's own fancy remote control. It reminded me of Chromecast in the days of yore.

Freebies!

The Roku Channel – Now that you can add a save list on the Roku Channel, I end up watching this free option quite a bit. There are also a bunch of Live TV channels that make background options and channel surfing easy. The new Roku search isn't the best – some of our TVs include Netflix in the results while others do not thanks to updates and technicalities I'm sure. Fortunately, there are a lot of older shows or forgotten movies available here. They do have originals like Chrissy's Court, ads of which I'm tired of seeing, but the two minutes or less bumpers are negligible compared to cable commercials that go on so long you forget what you were watching.

Tubi TV – For all these pay services, we probably watch Tubi more. They have some great old horror movies, classic television shows not available elsewhere, and more recent movies rotating per month. Granted some of their original content is a hot mess, but the catalog is easily searched and organized, with unique categories and reasonable leaving soon notifications.

Vudu – Vudu has a lot of the same free content available on Tubi or FreeVee, but occasionally they have different movies available. Their movie collections to buy can also be worth the price when they are larger franchise sets that include all the movies and all the features or bonuses that used to often be found on DVD or blu-ray sets. Why have all the extras never made it onto streaming platforms?

I'm Unsure about These, Honestly

HBO Max – We finally let this go recently, and now I see the prices have been raised while they are dropping content left and right. I wasn't impressed with their originals and the interface was always impossible. I was really only hanging on for their TCM content, and we are leery of what is going to happen to the core HBO catalog when all this Discovery combo hogwash is said and done. I wouldn't pay that price to slog through such reality crap when I all want to see is classics. It's fascinating that everyone and their grandma rushed to have their own streaming service, yet now Warner is selling off it's big titles to other platforms.

Paramount + – The fam of course is here for all the new Star Trek content, but I use Paramount mostly for older movies and the livestreams. They have some great comedies, but a lot of their content is available elsewhere, so it seems like this is another that is only worth it if you are watching their latest of the moment original. They don't even have all the Star Trek movies!

MGM + – We had this briefly when it was Epix, but now the rebranding as MGM+ adds confusion with Prime since Amazon owns MGM, right? As Epix, it only had a few shows and old movies that seemed bottom of the streaming services barrel, yet now they are getting more originals and some of those British shows that don't come to BritBox. So this is going to continue to be a separate service with its own original content? I don't think I'd pay for this separately again, but it will be interesting to see if this is folded into Prime at some point.

Peacock – Honestly, I confuse what is on Peacock and Paramount, even though I know one is CBS and the other is NBC. There isn't much with the free ad options, a lot of the paywall content is similar to Hulu, and maybe I just don't watch enough current NBC shows to make it worthwhile? It seems like a lot of their classic content is still licensed to other platforms, but we'll probably be picking this up again when it is time to watch another season of a current show the family is following. I am also baffled by them moving Days of Our Lives to Peacock only. You expect old ladies to sign up for soaps?

Screambox – We had this briefly as a Prime add on during a sale. We watched a lot of the retro horror movies, then forgot about it before we remembered to cancel it. I had some of the movies in my queue, which showed that they were also available with the AMC+ Shudder package. I think there are a lot of these cheap horror channels, but they usually only have a few movies that aren't available on the dime a dozen free horror stations.

Wondrium – I really liked this platform when it was just the Great Courses Channel. Although the interface was a pain whether it was an add on or the stand alone with more content, this rebranding added so many more filler documentaries that aren't up to par with the academic options found in The Great Courses. Frankly, the name is dumb, too, and it's sad The Great Courses couldn't survive without a merger. Even if I'm in the mood for a Great Courses deep dive, it's a chore to get into this service now.

Not Worth It, Sorry

Cinemax – It's pretty bad when my husband says that Cinemax isn't even worth the $1 sale! Rather than any network originals like they used to have in the cable glory days or even any saucy Skin content of old, the catalog here is pretty bereft. The handful of livestreams are the only thing marginally interesting here, as they show movies that are also available on HBO Max. It leaves Cinemax still seemingly like a second run HBO, and I wonder where this will end up with the Warner Discovery chopping block.

Showtime – If you are invested in a Showtime original series, this could be worth the price, but I can't imagine why else you would pay the full $10 a month here. There are some newer release movie exclusives and catalog binges, but this is another one that feels like a waste when added on with Prime. Paramount also seems like they are going to reclaim the brand for their service. They already advertise what's available on Showtime in their categories in order to force you to add Showtime on there, and I kind of hate that hard sell. I'm also still miffed how they did Penny Dreadful dirty, but that's another story.

Shiz, having all these full price would be more expensive then cable. I do still have a basic cable plan, but I can't tell you the last time I watched it. Next I think we may venture into YouTube TV territory, but we'll see how the wallet feels. After all, did I get a VCR to HDMI converter to watch movies only available on VHS? Yes.

A Disappointing Guy Pearce Trio

 

A Disappointing Guy Pearce Trio

by Kristin Battestella

I was saving these ho-hum reviews for other science fiction or action lists – spreading out my Guy Pearce career re-watch as needed. However, it's not really my Mike from Neighbors bias showing if the movies are kind of...not good, right?

Brand New World – I remember seeing this 1998 decidedly British parable also known as Woundings on television a long, long time ago. Though interesting, it seemed edited or that I missed something because nothing made sense. Without subtitles, the thick accents and mumbling dialogue contribute to the confusion despite talent such as Guy Pearce (Lockout), Johnathon Schaech (That Thing You Do!), Charlie Creed-Miles (Essex Boys), and Ray Winstone (Beowulf). At its simplest, this is women entertaining traumatized troops tired of the saucy sheep jokes and on to new fishy mermaid quips. Crappy commercials promise romance and adventure for these “Roses of England” leaving shabby Manchester behind, but the bawdy soldiers get right to the manhandling along the lovely Isle of Man coast. Winking pop music and colorful hooker stylings seem more eighties than the supposed futuristic amid juvenile dances, balloons, and now tame raunchy. Local girls the men supposedly love are beaten and threatened before being replaced by the Englishwomen, for oppressors who apparently saved the day haven't left now that the war is finished. The women observe the soldiers' delicate mine defusing work in tense scenes, but battle action flashbacks are treated as music montage heady brought on by the awkward sex. Of course, the women are blamed for the men's problems and apparently driven to lesbianism thanks to a William-esque regent who greets all newlyweds just to make out with the bride. The extreme training versus returning to society statements are lost in the trying to be edgy, pointless, nonsensical scenes that seem intentionally weird – undercutting the straightforward filming and compromising dramatic momentum. Whether these were already crazy, outlier misfits to start or subsequent shell shock extremes is never answered, and it takes an hour for the heavy to hit home. Fortunately, it is bemusing to see weakling Pearce groveling under Winstone's demented colonel. I love Pearce's dedication to mucking up his teeth for a character, and he takes Sarah-Jane Potts (Kinky Boots) to the cemetery. That's my kind of date! Well lit eeriness accents fine revenge, body bags, and limbs on the battlefield while distorted camera angles mirror the oppressive with large background figures looming over the small people at the forefront. A man holding a toy purple gun at a woman foreshadows the sexual implications as well as the one on one cliff side confrontations – for one way or another, the cowardly soldier will prove his manhood. Despite a great cast, lovely locales, and potential social commentary; the overlong, low budget incomprehensible never puts the pieces all together. I almost wish the same cast would remake this right.

Domino – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jamie Lannister), Carice van Houten (Melisandre), and Guy Pearce (Melisandre's non-Shadow Baby Daddy) star in director Brian De Palma's (Scarface) 2019 international thriller opening with Copenhagen style, buddy cops, and saucy night shifts. Rustic locales, staircases, and classy colors contrast the night time shadows, seedy, and edgy before seemingly simple domestic calls lead to elevators and bloody revelations. Foreground and background splices show both slights of hand, but surprising police mistakes hurt the gory victims, rooftop chases, perilous falls, and shadowy men in suits. Split screens parallel the gentile upstairs of the CIA safe house and its captivity below with intimidating video interrogations and threatening kids, but the overbearing score draws attention to itself. Fade in intercuts on scenes that are so thematically different make the film seem unfinished with hasty, disjointed pacing and tough to follow terrorist attacks that aren't fully explained. Why are we firing on people at a film premiere like a first person shooter video game? Personal violence, bone cracking, inner turmoil, and revenge are better brutal, yet we repeatedly leave potential triangles, quiet moments, mirrors, and unique angles for an attempted mainstream terrorism thriller chopping off people's heads. Between police investigations, belying suspect encounters, unnecessary bad guys, and explosive CIA puzzles, there are just too many stories at once. The primary character relationships should be enough with suspensions, affairs, and conflict at the top; but with international scene changes, fast continental travel, and Copenhagen police so far out of their jurisdiction in Spain, there's little time for dramatic conversations and truth amid the espionage. Critical character moments are stupidly revealed via scrolling through their smartphone photos, and wise audiences can spot the foreshadowing in the first ten minutes. Convenient clues are given to the characters in the last half hour, compromising the intrigue as artistic locations give way to silly drones and cliché bullfights. Binocular views, silent chases, and decoys are nice touches, but the suspense is inexplicably detached rather than Hitchcockian man alone. Are we supposed to care or be afraid and for whom? Spectators don't notice vendors shooting people at an event? Our in over their heads cops never inform authorities and it's a kick in the groin that saves the day? With six minutes of credits, this is a busy eighty-two minutes when we should have simply stayed with our initial police as they unravel the CIA revelations in the finale. Strange music cues more heroic than in danger acerbate the falling apart motivation and confusing messages. It's more important to arrest a man for a stabbing in Denmark than let him do his necessary CIA dirty work? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Seeking Justice – Nicolas Cage (National Treasure) and January Jones (X-Men: First Class) join Guy Pearce in this ham-fisted 2011 revenge thriller that starts with rape and descends into more awkwardness as it strays from the original justice. Nonsensical, overly contrived machinations trap innocent people into doing a secret vigilante group's dirty work when the elusive organization obviously has the means to do everything themselves. Threatening to murder the victimized, chasing people into traffic, framing an investigative reporter – how is this justice? Cops in on the “hungry rabbit jumps” passwords wink at the entire mob-like effort: if they do something for you, you have to do something for them via the right candy bar from the vending machine, buying a pack of gum, or mailing letters to Santa at the zoo. Such convoluted Rube Goldbergs at the hot dog stand aren't amusing for the audience, and any commentary about ineffectual legalese, bad law enforcement, the secret wealthy, or who you know being able to take vengeance into their own hands gets lost in the inexplicable. Phones, disc evidence, convenient car technology, computer ease, and newspaper snooping are very dated on top of obvious storage sheds, copies of copies, and preposterous incriminating footage. Supposedly elaborate Simon Says voiceovers become a chore to watch amid loud Monster Trucks shows, roundabout shootouts, and abandoned malls complete with mannequin decoys. District school teacher Cage is out of breath and not up to the action with Jones' local cellist – a very unrealistic and unbelievable couple living well beyond their means in a swanky New Orleans loft. Flashes of the attack and the injured woman in the hospital are more about his anger than her assault. Rather than her target practice or experiencing her recovery, we follow how his life is turned upside down by saying no to this vigilante organization. If he had been assaulted and couldn't deal with it while this group further terrorizes him with the repercussions, that would have been compelling. Instead, one wonders if the men should have reversed roles, for Cage hamming it up as a maniacal baddie enjoying the pursuit could have been interesting. Pearce is an intriguing, suave, commanding thug, but he'd be much more believable as the caught up every man evenly matched with Jones. By time we're down to the man alone on the run and the sacrificial Black best friend, there's no reason to stick around unless you are fans of the cast. I can't lie though, when Guy Pearce jokes about tax evasion to Nicolas Cage, I guffawed.

Have I see each of these movies more than they deserve? Yes. 🤣

The Head (2020)

 

I Had to Skip Over The Head.

by Kristin Battestella

The six episode internationally produced 2020 HBO Max original The Head seems to have it all thanks to ambiguous scientists, antarctic thrills, and psychological isolation. Unfortunately, dual sets of characters and multiple back and forth storylines make it easy to skip over the aimless distractions and contrived flashbacks.

The departing Polaris VI summer crew parties to open The Head as the incoming winter team boasts the top elite minds vowing to continue the research begun on the previous Polaris V Station. Puffy jackets, warm hats, artificial lights, and common room airings of The Thing accent the realistic languages and multiple goodbyes with video chats and couples that won't see each other for six months. However handheld pans following multiple people, always in motion tracking shots, and constantly on the move cameras are too busy – belying the long term polar nights and frosty, compartmentalized facility. The metallic, submarine cramped acerbates grudges and past rifts among rival scientists, but The Head fades to six months later and the first daylight as the summer crew returns to unexpected radio silence.

I...ugh...erm... 🙄

It's extremely frustrating when shows suggest one thing and do another only to change again, decoying viewers rather than telling a cohesive story. The Head restarts with bloody hand prints, damaged snow vehicles, bullet holes, and frozen bodies. Why didn't we begin with the returning crew discovering the horror unknown? Reunion anticipation turns to fear for missing loved ones, and kitchen barricades reveal a hidden survivor – a young girl who is clearly far too young to be a doctor. The frenetic camera is again unnecessary as she recounts the crazed events, going back to were we left that six months cutoff for rookie races and an esteemed biologist nobody likes. Which story is The Head supposed to be telling, the winter mayhem or the summer mystery? The present worry and past conflicts annoy more than endear, undercutting both narratives as the wrong point of view. Despite the international casting and linguistics, The Head is also still dominated by white Europeans, with minorities characters reduced to lesser stereotypical roles and many players never fully introduced as to why they are there and what they are doing. It's difficult to tell who or what is important – people are said to be missing and we're not sure if we even saw them. Disorienting filming may be meant to mirror the distraught state of mind, but it calls attention to itself and the omnipresent POV problems. How can the survivor know what happened in situations where she wasn't present? Sabotaged satellite connections, torn letters, and present investigations must wait as Hour Two delves into unreliable but obvious flashbacks (told by the young survivor who wasn't on the Polaris V station eight years ago, hint hint) of rare bacterium discoveries, dead colleagues, and arguments over who stole the credit. Too much is going on in both storylines, yet long drawn out scenes with the rookies who admit to not knowing what they are doing feel like they could be watched on one and a half speed. Any past trapped suspense is deflated by a break from the present, creating no character immersion despite chilly risks, pointing fingers, and violence from the previous station as The Head's faulty framework adds a third setting. Unlikable, ubiquitous characters make the past with the past mystery easy to figure out immediately, but The Head drags on with the present characters unable to rescue more survivors in time because they are stuck listening to the past hear tell.

Any significant deaths, gunshots, or explosions are covered in the previouslies, so by Episode Three, I was skipping around on The Head. Scientists with no basic medical knowledge have to repeat what to do in time wasting minutia disguised as tense action scenes that do little to advance the plot, and I fast forwarded through pointless operations and futile exercises. The survivor telling the story angle is also dropped as the scenes move from present, six months ago, and eight years ago as if they are concurrent plots. Watching news video on the Polaris V disaster fills viewers in on the collapse and melting ice while in the past, the winter team trekked there to retrieve matching hardware. Stir crazy army men with guns, stolen research, and perilous storms take turns being the primary focus as hitherto unknown dead characters become more important than anyone we've actually met. Here is where I called the mystery for what it was, as everyone is revealed to have something shocking about them that isn't all that shocking. What should be claustrophobic trapped in a tent and low on resources desperation drags on with video logs and psychological test recordings montaged for the audience. We see current people watching the past crew talk about the prior station whilst also watching the past crew investigating the station prior despite knowing they are all dead. The Head creates detached delays for the viewer rather than having anyone solve anything. I'm surprised there is a Second Season, as this debut should have been three seasons of three hour events – the initial discovery fallout eight years ago, six months ago gone crazy aftermath, current investigation resolution. By this point, I skipped on to the Final Episode with whispers, cover ups, and affairs on Polaris V. Quelle surprise, egotistical men are roughing up the women and stealing their work. Nasty people are blackmailing each other to get what they want because it's all about saving the planet! Now flashbacks of threats from the past on Polaris V play telephone with autopsies and evidence rushed in the last half hour of the present where they never deduced, merely sat back while others told of killer chases around the station. The answer to what was obvious all along plays like some sort of surprising revelation in the final moments, completely underestimating any viewers who hung on with The Head this long.

I hadn't intended to review The Head in long form, but my notes were many and my frustration strong. I hate being mean, but numerous recent series keep making the same mistakes – not focusing on where the story and characters are thanks to an unnecessarily chopped up and drawn out narrative. I'd love to find a taut, icy series or submarine thriller, but The Head is sadly just another in a long list disappointing television e.g. The Deep and The Last Ship.

The Golden Palace Video Review

 

What Went Wrong on The Golden Palace? 

Kristin Battestella puts on her critical review thinking cap to take a disappointing look at what went wrong with The Golden Palace – the short lived spin off of The Golden Girls – including crowded, mean characters and unfocused audience expectations.

Please feel free to comment and join the conversation or let us know if you'd like to see more of these classic television video critiques in our Community Poll. Thank you for watching and read more:

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Contemporary Werewolf Romps 🐺

 

Contemporary Werewolf Romps! 🐺

by Kristin Battestella

These recent lycanthrope lessons offer much good, but some bad and a bit of ugly to the understandably hairy genre.

Howl – No one wants to be on this rainy red eye train, but apathetic passengers and passed over employees must unite when werewolves invade the cabin cars in this 2015 parable directed by Paul Hyett (Dog Soldiers). Late night stress and double shift monotony are well done as the full moon, isolated forest, ticket checks, and cranky introductions set the scene with who's rude on her phone, snotty old couples, frazzled businesswomen, and the jerk with two sets of house keys. Rattling rails, screeching brakes, and flickering lights escalate to unseen attacks, thuds, squishes, and gore as the assertive adults and inexperienced staff argue over who's in charge. Patchy emergency contacts lead to a vote to walk to the next station before disemboweled evidence, the race back to the train, and limb perils at the plug door. Banging to be let in, scraping claws along the cabin car, and the titular what you don't see but hear acerbate the meager first aid, bloody wounds, and overnight delirium. Compartment damage, no fuel, and no food add to the innate unease. Cramped bathroom terrors provide whimpering, growls, and blood in shrewd near-revelations as the camera cuts away from blurred assaults and glowing eyes. The final claustrophobic entrance is realistically scary thanks to poor defenses like fire extinguishers and an emergency ax, and debates about what to do with the injured provide a bitter social commentary about our dog eat dog alpha males who survive at the expense of others. They are running out of cars to retreat to and secure, and the carefully paced transformations mirror the trapped ticktock and wait for daylight. This does feel slightly long with repair attempts and inside attacks that seem out of order. Unnecessary point of view breaks and shoddy CGI show the pack in full, and the slow burn unravels amid under the train perils, internal standoffs, and unfair deaths. The disturbing violence rushes toward a weak confrontation, however overall this is an entertaining late night entry to the werewolf genre.

I Am Lisa – Pulsing chases, growls, gunshots, and moonlit nights open this 2020 werewolf embrace, but the law enforcement fix should have been held back and the drive to the inherited bookstore wastes time. Starting with a customer ordering a lycanthrope volume and condolences on the deceased is enough to introduce our eponymous small town nonconformist. Local mean girls bully, steal, and threaten Lisa, but the ringleader's mom is the sheriff so nothing is done. Self love jokes about not needing a man, waitress flirtations, and BFF intimacy, however, feel baity, for Lisa is straight and rejects a kiss from said mean girl. The rotten sheriff insists it's not an assault if no one gets hurt and it's Lisa's attitude problem that's disturbing the peace, so she endorses the mean girls beating Lisa. The pliers, gagging, and blood in this sanctioned violence is disturbing enough, and a further implied sexual assault is unnecessary as Lisa is dumped in the woods and left to the wolves. Choice jump cut camerawork accents the tears, echoes, and fragmented experience as the bite wounds heal quickly and the police revelations escalate. Lisa is shocked at her own behavior when she first attacks the weakest of the mean girl pack, but she needs to learn to control what's happening, embrace it, and make them pay. Slow, realistic eye, teeth, heightened senses, and vocal changes match the swift neck snapping, throat slicings, and moments of remorse while old books provide silver, calendar, and crossbreed information. More time is unfortunately spent on cliches than who knows about the werewolves, who has been hunting them, branding them with silver, and why. It's also unrealistic how her whereabouts are terribly obvious yet Lisa goes uncaught until the script says so. You can tell this was written and directed by men thanks to every woman coming off as a tough angry lesbian with an attitude. Structural flaws fall back on stereotypical montages with bad ass hoodies, cool music, raw steaks, dog treats, and The Werewolf of Washington. Nonsensical explanations don't fully reiterate the transformative mythos and silver ax potential, and the taking ownership metaphors run out of steam in the overlong, contrived final confrontation. Though in need of a trim or polish thanks to unnecessary scene transitions and poor dialogue, this largely charming piece stays with a character who's just trying to be true to herself.

Skip It!

A Werewolf in England – Speeding carriages, top hats, throwback music, and candlelight invoke a Hammer mood as our bondsman and his shackled prisoner stop at the Three Claws Inn for this 2020 horror comedy. Unfortunately, the super tight camera angles are clearly cutting corners, the acting is amateur, and the exaggerated voices are too hammy. Every single person is trying on funny quips and combined with the kooky weird brother and sister innkeepers, it's all just too much. The obviously fake full moon above the manor is enough to set a sardonic wink, however there's no time to chuckle over the two dollar lady of the evening available or the hear tell of a previous guest dying of perforated bowels in the bed, and the rattling sex scene while the prisoner is chained to the action goes on far too long before a cheap chamber pot gag. We shouldn't know about the werewolves up front, but our writer/producer/director/cinematographer/editor gives away that the proprietors are in on serving their clientele to the local lycanthropes when we shouldn't suspect their killer plans until guests spot blood dripping on the furniture. The beheadings, dismemberment, and pleas for mercy before a claw slice at the throat are fine. Intense crescendos and chorales with over the top slow motion are appropriate satire, but the drawn out battle scenes with over-editing and nothing burger pawing undo the gore and eerie lighting. It's tough to tell what's scary or the hoot because the constant cackling is falling flat trying to be both. Some territorial foul is reasonable, but the unnecessarily long werewolf diarrhea scene removes any horror even if the conspicuous people in wolf suits is deliberate. Subtle humor – such as breaking and entering wolves that make surprisingly little noise or using a lot of little things to block the door when a sturdy piece of furniture is right there – is all the viewer needs, yet one too many crotch jokes and montages of cleaning guns but not washing off the wolfy poo become an overlong exercise in what not to do. Contrived endings play into all the cliches, and I'm going to go ahead and pass on the medieval prequel/sequel Werewolf Castle.

Memory (2022) Video Review

 

Kristin Battestella of I Think, Therefore I Review tries to wrap her head around the 2022 Liam Neeson picture Memory, directed by Martin Campbell and co-starring Guy Pearce and Monica Bellucci. Can you take it for the poorly paced action flick it is even when there was potential for more character drama?

Please feel free to comment and join the conversation or let us know if you'd like to see more of these single film video critiques in our Community Poll. Thank you for watching and read more of our analysis at InSession Film!

If there is an Audio issue on the video you can try watching a Corrected Version Here.

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October Mayhem at InSession Film!

 

Our actor love had been strong at InSession Film thanks to the Women InSession Podcast with fellow female film critics Zita Short, Amy Thomasson, and Erica Richards helping celebrate the birthdays of Guy Pearce and Montgomery Clift!

Listen Now:

Ep 10 Guy Pearce Spectacular

Ep 12 Montgomery Clift Special

We got our Horror fix ON as well with a little podcasting and Phantom of the Opera discourse! 😱

Ep 11 Indie Shorts and Horror Westerns

Ep 13 1990s Horror

 

Op-Ed: Phantoms of the Operas

 

Women InSession Ep14: @vampfamwriter and @Zita_Short discuss the Universal Monster movies!

Listen now! --> https://t.co/5L0F9z9S6n#PodNation #PodernFamily pic.twitter.com/SwGFGVwJDe

— InSession Film (@InSessionFilm) October 28, 2022

 

You can read all of my Actor Top Tens - including Guy Pearce and Montgomery Clift!- on my InSession Author Page or listen to previous Women InSession Classic Film analysis. Thank you to those who have been following along and liking, sharing, and retweeting each episode!